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Would you relocate for love?

Listen, I’m a hopeless romantic as much as the next girl, but I don’t know how far I would go for love. For instance, could I move cross country? I just read one woman’s leap of faith that landed her across the country, without a job, or a place to live!

While it is easy to say that is something that could never happen to me, I actually admire the courage someone has to relocate. Taking a chance on love is already risky business! Would you be willing to rearrange your life and move to another city?

Things may not have worked out for the young lady, but at least she can say that she tried. That’s more than some of us ever do, really. What are you willing to risk for love?

Have you ever moved to another country or city to be with someone? Would you consider it at all?
Would you ask someone you were seeing to move with you? How serious would your relationship need to be, do you think?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

275 comments Add your comment

Big Al

August 30th, 2011
8:15 am

Relocate for love? Uhhhhh…..no.

Dave

August 30th, 2011
8:17 am

Relocating for love is quite a stretch and it would have to be some permenant reasons for that. All things being equal, I don’t do long term relationships, because once I like someone, I prefer to spend a lot of time with them. I would have to buy a vowel and the answer is NO.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 30th, 2011
8:36 am

A lady recently told me she was given an engagement ring by a guy in Seattle. She ended her lease and got packed to move out there with her two daughters from a previous marriage when she found his Facebook page saying he had gotten back with his ex-wife. He stopped answering his phone and she kept the ring.

Angel

August 30th, 2011
8:49 am

Good Post WD…I am contemplating that decesion now. Hoowever,I would not do it without the 3 necessarry elements:

1. A Committment (ring)
2. A Job that can sustain me
3. A made up mind (answered prayers)

Leggs

August 30th, 2011
9:07 am

Good morning, Good morning!!

How serious would your relationship need to be, do you think? For me, it would have to be very serious with an engagement ring already on my finger. Or better yet, we already married and we’re locating to further enrich our lives.

To locate simply for love (bf/gf) is too risky. I cannot move in with a man. For him to have so much power that he can ask me to leave if things get shaky and I have no stock is not appealing to me. By stock, I mean my name on the lease. Some form of legal standing in my favor.

SlimNu

August 30th, 2011
9:24 am

Good morning,

Excuse me as I try to get used to my new 19″ flat wide-screen monitor. I feel like I’m writing on wide-ruled paper with one of those super fat #2 pencils from kindergarden lol

Um, I think the answers are probably going to be about the same for all. I would consider relocating given the seriousness of the relationship and ability to find a suitable job prior to my departure from the current city. I knew a guy that dated a women from TX, he lives in FL. She relocated to Florida to be with him but had no success in finding a job. So that started the issues with them that previously didn’t exist. Long story short, she ended up moving back to TX. Tried and Failed…

With the current process I’m undergoing to hopefully obtain this new position, there is no telling where I’ll end up if I’m not able to stay in ATL. So the beau and I talk about it every now and then. Neither of us wants to do a LDR but I’d really hate it to end that way due to a move. I told him we should just deal with that if that happens to become the case.

SlimNu

August 30th, 2011
9:33 am

O/T: Is anyone else experiencing an infestation of fruit flies/gnats? I don’t know what happened here at the job about 2 weeks ago but it’s like they swooped in over a weekend and they are rampant now. It’s so damn frustrating trying to work with them flying all over the place. *sigh*

Anonymous...the most interesting, informative, and controversial writer of our times.

August 30th, 2011
9:45 am

Off topic…when in the beginning of what may be a serious relationship, how do you bloggers deal with the “visuals” of your new partner’s past when bits and pieces come out? Do you feel jealousy (knowing full well that it is in teh past)? If so, how do you deal with it? I’ve had this dilemma in the past and know it should not bother me, but it does.

SlimNu

August 30th, 2011
9:51 am

Anon – Please give a few more details of these ‘visuals of the past’ that you speak of…Do you mean like old pictures, trinkets, clothes, phone calls, text messages, emails etc.??? Elaborate

oneofeach4me

August 30th, 2011
9:53 am

@Slim ~ get a small bowl and fill it with apple cider vinegar and about 3 drops of dish soap. Works every time

On topic ~ I would relocate only if I could find a job and had my own spot for at least the 1st 6 months or so. Oh.. and it would’ve needed to occur before I had my kids. So as of now… it wouldn’t happen unless I was married and we moved to further benefit us as a whole as Leggs said.

Anonymous...the most interesting, informative, and controversial writer of our times.

August 30th, 2011
9:59 am

I was talking about when the subject of past “partners” comes up. I tend to struggle with the thoughts that run through my mind when comments or conversations occur revealing details of past sex partners. I’m no saint and have a past of my own, but I guess there is that double standard at work. Just when I think I have heard about them all, another is revealed. I know it is childish, but I get pangs of jealousy, maybe a little hurt, and feelings tend to be harder to deal with than just accepting reality.

LeeH1

August 30th, 2011
10:03 am

A lot of the posters today are desirous of power and control in a relationship, but not love.
My girlfriend moved from Maryland to Michigan. One night when I was crying about my crazy boss, she said for me to move to Michigan, marry her, and I’ll get a new job.

As a leap of faith, I did. I moved to another state (and a yankee state, at that!), married her, and entered two years of un-employment. It was a rough period, but we got over it, and have now been married for twenty-five years. We have since moved severral times because of job offers for both of us, and have had only a few regrets.

Love between two people is always more important than who has the control and power. If you want power in a relationship, get a wimpy dog that you can kick often. Do the world a favor, and stay away from other people, and don’t ever have any children who will be dependent upon some fool who wants power and control over others.

Leggs

August 30th, 2011
10:03 am

@Anon ~ nothing wrong with feeling a few pangs of discomfort, but why be jealous over someone you don’t know?

Here’s my take. Your partner is wrong on every level for sharing such intimate details with you. Who does that. How old are you? How old is she? At work? Has she dated the entire department? That’s another story.

Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)

August 30th, 2011
10:03 am

I’ll be honest..with me having a home and career here I really don’t see myself moving. It just so worked out for me that Mr. Bermuda and I began reconnecting as he was already in the process of moving back to the States…and we won’t be living together either. I think it’s best that way plus I’ve never shacked up and don’t plan to start…I’m not speaking against it but that just doesn’t work for me. We have to exchange jewelry first before that happens…

SlimNu

August 30th, 2011
10:03 am

One – Yeah, I was just telling a co-worker we should bring in some apple cider vinegar…so someone is going to bring it tomorrow. Thanks tho

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 30th, 2011
10:04 am

Good day..

“Would you be willing to rearrange your life and move to another city?”

I agree with Leggs. It is definately a huge risk.

I am not a big fan of the idea of relocating for love unless you two are married and the final piece is to bring you two together in the same city. I dont think relocating is for everybody. Particularly guys. I think a guy should never follow a woman to a new city, especially if he does not have a job yet, and will be depending on her for his living situation. The reason I say this is not to be chavinistic but people will always start acting funny when they know you are dependent on them. Also with her being the woman, its always easier for her to meet someone else so if you dont have your thing together, everyone will look better in her eyes.

I also think women should not follow a guy on a move unless there is a committment because the main appeal about long distance relationships to guys is that there is a certain level of certainty (I know when you are coming to town, how long you are staying and when you are leaving) and when she leaves, you 2 just have a telephone relationship and when she moves in, it will be a huge adjustment from just talking on the phone daily and a visit once a month to seeing them in your space everyday.

Leggs

August 30th, 2011
10:06 am

@LeeH1 ~ nice that it worked out for you. It does work or a lot; however, it also can be a colossal mistake for some. It’s not an easy thing to do. You’ve been married now for 25 years. In 2011, it’s not that easy to just up and move. Too many flaky people who, at the onset of a little discord in the relationship, ship out leaving you on the sideline wondering WTF just happened. It’s not as easy as it used to be.

SexyCool

August 30th, 2011
10:07 am

SexyCool

August 30th, 2011
10:08 am

Morning Workout Report – Me and TheDude – P90X ’s Cardio X and then, Me and GiGi – 2.25miles – 32minutes.

Obviously, all of the running has me in great cardio shape. I had less of a problem keeping up this morning and was still able to get out and hit the street.

SexyCool

August 30th, 2011
10:10 am

Relocating for love – Isn’t that what brings a lot of people to Atlanta?

And really, you could say I did a “reverse relocation” because of love, or at least the end of it. I came to the A while going through my divorce.

I wouldn’t relocate for a boyfriend, but I will follow my husband.

SexyCool

August 30th, 2011
10:12 am

SlimGoody – I have that problem in my office when the trash in the breakroom is not being emptied regularly. I have now made it mandatory that each shift empty the trash daily.

So, it sounds like someone may have had something in a trash can that was not emptied on its usual schedule or….someone is bringing a different kind of food source for the gnats/flies into your office. It helps if everyone who eats at their desk will discard their containers in the breakroom trash can.

Leggs

August 30th, 2011
10:14 am

Exactly, SC. Will not relocate for a boyfriend, but will for a husband.

Celisea

August 30th, 2011
10:22 am

Morning,

No…I will not relocate for love.

Anon – but I guess there is that double standard at work.

Are you a man? I don’t think anything is abnormal about feeling the rise of jealousy. I don’t really get what’s causing “yet another past lover” to surface. Is she/he talking about it with you? If so that’s a no no. Why do that? Are there folks still handing on/around? Is that what you mean? If so then yeah, nothing is wrong that you can’t find a slight appreciation for past lovers but I think…if folks are resurfacing or never went away….that might be something ya’ll need to nip. Then again I could be going way left on this one…lol

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 30th, 2011
10:29 am

Right there with Lee,

For me Love has always been trusting the person enough to make that “leap of faith” and knowing them well enough to know that they deserve my trust.

Having, or needing, an out is a sign of admittedly cautious behavior, but also distrust.

SexyCool

August 30th, 2011
10:33 am

Anon – I sense some insecurity, past hurt and hesitance about trusting in what you posted.

kimmie

August 30th, 2011
10:33 am

Morning All!

In my younger dating years I did 3 LDR’s that ending up breaking my heart. Two of them I felt we were at the point where some talk should have been taking place about making solid plans and me moving. One the guy was in DC, so since I have lots of familiy there and could have easily gotten a job, it should have been a no-brainer – IF he cared about having a future with me. He didn’t.

Even though I was young and naive back then, I was not so crazy to up & move without at least some solid commitment and plans. One mentioned that, me coming to Cali, but I refused since I had no ring. His dad offered to help him get me one and I could have stayed with family out there until I found a job & we married. The player was not out of him and he drug his feet. I ended up breaking it off.

Now of course, with my husband, it would be no question.

kimmie

August 30th, 2011
10:40 am

For me Love has always been trusting the person enough to make that “leap of faith” and knowing them well enough to know that they deserve my trust.

Dan – I guess in a lot of folks cases, it came down to deciding they didn’t have that level of trust in that person to take that leap. Especially if they’ve been burned before. With all three of my cases, while I wanted something more solid, especially to have something concrete to tell my parents, if they had asked I would have gone on anyway because I was young and in love.

Celisea

August 30th, 2011
10:44 am

All I can say is pulling up lock, stock and barrel….all in the name of love, one better be darn sure of the person you placing all bets on. Not being the cynic but one should make sure all the smoke has cleared and the hoopla has died down in feeling assured that you’ve made the right decision.

I believe “love”, real love, tried love, sustainable love is not until you’ve gone a few miles with a person and have a foundation secure to the core. Oftentimes, the giggles, the butterflies and the warm fuzzies (that causes us to pull-up lock stock and barrel), are prior and ahead of going in the fire with a person.

kimmie

August 30th, 2011
10:59 am

Celisea – Funny that you said that, about going thru the fire together. One of the LDR guys said as much to me. Even though everything was wonderful when we would see each other, he said our love had not been tested and that’s why he didn’t want me to pack it all up and move to Chicago with him.

SlimNu

August 30th, 2011
11:00 am

SC – Yeah that has to be the case. I want to say someone had some old fruit laying about and maybe over that weekend it was the catalyst for the gnat breeding ground. I feel like i’m sitting outside down deep in the country somewhere. fyi: my coworker brought in that 30 day shred video today so i’m going to check it out and see what it’s looking like. Sadly, i didn’t get up to run this morning but for all it’s worth I did get in a couple of rounds last night :lol: :oops:

Celisea

August 30th, 2011
11:15 am

Kimmie – I’m all for love and stuff and the saying love conquers all but it’s gotta at least be “love” going on in order for that to happen. I don’t think love would have a person being whimsical and ending up homeless and jobless :)

Celisea

August 30th, 2011
11:16 am

Did Anonymous…the most interesting, informative, and controversial writer of our times. ever come back?

SlimNu

August 30th, 2011
11:18 am

Anybody hear the Strawberry Letter this morning? This lady was talking about how good her guy (fiance) was and how he treats her like a Queen, has a great rapport with her kids etc. He has to go on a business trip but tells her they will only pay for one to go (him) but he wished she could come. So she ends up getting her a ticket to surprise him, gets a hotel key to his room and hides until he comes in. To her dismay, he doesn’t come in alone….he’s passionately kissing someone…supposedly his cousin but the kicker is….it was another dude :shock:

SexyCool

August 30th, 2011
11:21 am

SexyCool

August 30th, 2011
11:30 am

The yoga portion of the Cardio X session kicked my rear this morning. I have come to truly dislike the “downward facing dog.”

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 30th, 2011
11:31 am

@SlimNu

I heard that. Part of me think thats crazy and part of me thinks its far fetched. They need to have these people call up and get to the bottom of this. I think she is testing out a book plot or movie script lol

Purple Reign

August 30th, 2011
11:32 am

Would I yes(have I? Nope she did), why because I don’t confuse real love with lust, a fling or just a seasonal relationship.

Casual Observer

August 30th, 2011
11:33 am

SlimNu, I calll BS on the Strawberry letter……..What hotel chain is just gonna go around giving out keys to already occupied rooms??? She was fluffing it up to get her letter read on the radio….

kimmie

August 30th, 2011
11:34 am

Slim – I heard it too. It wouldn’t even be a question.

Purple Reign

August 30th, 2011
11:37 am

What is a strawberry letter?

SlimNu

August 30th, 2011
11:38 am

I sort of agree with Mdot & CO…I was thinking that the letter was a bit of a fluff too because unless they were already married, how could she have gotten access to his room that easily. Even then, I wonder if the hotel would attempt to contact the guy to let them know another key was issued. In addition to that, the comedian Luvelle they had on the show was NOT funny. :???:

SexyCool

August 30th, 2011
11:40 am

Casual – I almost typed the “How did she get the key?” question, but then, I thought about how resourceful groupies can be….and well….

Purple Reign

August 30th, 2011
11:40 am

Someone give me the link so I can read the letter

SlimNu

August 30th, 2011
11:43 am

Purp – On the Steve Harvey morning show they do this segment called Strawberry Letters where listeners write in on various issues in hopes for advice on the issue. Folks write mainly bout deadbeat relationships, cheating, other various relationship stuff.

Celisea

August 30th, 2011
11:44 am

My thoughts exactly. I went to the site and folks were pounding the writer with the same questions. How did you even get a key…nobody hand out keys to just anybody’s room. I think the letter was fake.

Purple Reign

August 30th, 2011
11:46 am

Slim, oh okay. So the lady went to surprise her husband and caught him with a man? LOL I wonder if women have a clue that their husband may be a little moist before they catch him.

Celisea

August 30th, 2011
11:46 am

Too, how do you get that yearning back for a dude that’s doing another dude? Could be just me but that would squash any feelings or anything I ever carried for that person. Yuck

Purple Reign

August 30th, 2011
11:46 am

A woman, a wife at that can get into a hotel room or get a key to her husbands room without that much effort.

Exiled!

August 30th, 2011
11:51 am

Hello folks!

On topic:

Yea,I can see myself relocating for love. Actually,ummm,I did that and am married to the chic now and for past 15 or so years.(I don’t know the anniversary) font judge!

But there is a lil nuance in the story.

But I can do that if I love her enough.

SexyCool

August 30th, 2011
11:56 am

Speaking of moist dudes, this guy who was fairly effeminate sounding just complimented me and asked if I was married. I wanted to ask him if he knew he was gay. (lol)