Abstinent? Clue your date in
It’s not the kind of thing you really want to talk about on the very first date. Your sexual activity..or lack thereof, shouldn’t be a focal point when you are just getting to know somebody. At least, that has always been my opinion.
My guy friend disagrees. He thinks before one date is planned, a guy deserves to know if he is interested in someone who is abstinent. Apparently, this would “change the game” and a lot of men should be able to make an informed decision.
I would argue, though, how much information should be shared that quickly? I mean, unless that is the only thing you are really interested in anyway?
Should you clue your date in about your celibacy? Is it anyone’s business if you are not in a relationship with them?
How do you tell someone you are abstaining? What do you say and when?
Should you be able to inquire about their sexual habits, i.e. the number of partners, etc.?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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252 comments Add your comment
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
August 29th, 2011
8:05 am
Any conversation about sex is not premature – if presented correctly.
If it’s done in a playfully serious manner “not that I plan on having sex with you, I don’t plan on having sex with anyone [right now/ever]” the message can do wonders for a potential relationship.
Ease and comfort talking about sex is akin to ease and comfort with one’s self, IMO.
And the sooner I know how comfortable you are with you, the better.
Foxy
August 29th, 2011
8:38 am
GM Kids:
Foxy thinks that abstinence means,I’m just not that into you sexually. The right one can get the pink panties.
SlimNu
August 29th, 2011
8:59 am
Good morning and daaaaaaaamn the weekend went by too fast…
Um, I’m not sure what to really say about the topic. I would think that one shouldn’t wait too long or after too many dates before disclosing their decision to refrain from sex because you don’t want to mislead the other person. I suppose it’s no different than making it known you Don’t want kids ever to someone you’re dating because they very well may want kids. So why waste too much of their time if you two aren’t on the same page. I wouldn’t want to waste time dating a dude who doesn’t munch carpet because I know that’s something I enjoy so why short-change myself by continuously going out with a dude who doesn’t agree with that same sentiment.
Need more coffee
Harder...please.
August 29th, 2011
9:08 am
No wonder the divorce rate is at 50% these days. Sex is No. 100 on the list of top 10 things people probably should be discussing on their first date.
TenderRoni
August 29th, 2011
9:24 am
I would say this should be discussed earlier on. Maybe not on the first date, but definitely after. Gauge when the approriate time to bring it up, and then just lay it all out.
I have been through this (believe it or not). But it ended peacefully, we remained friends for a while.
Button
August 29th, 2011
9:28 am
Just like everything else, your sexual appetite should be revealed when first dating, but in a tactful way. I wouldn’t want to date a guy who is practicing abstince or have erectile dysfunction knowing that that’s not what I need in a partner.
abc
August 29th, 2011
9:49 am
If a woman on a first or second date, or maybe a 3rd or 4th, would ask me about my sexual activities or lack thereof, I’d probably tell her it’s none of her business, unless things were going extremely well. I’d expect the same if I asked a woman about stuff like that. I mean, get real — what about simple good manners? What are you really interested in, just getting laid, or the girl herself?
Note to AJC: get a real IT staff, or get somebody who can better manage your sites, or whatever. You guys were 404 this morning — just as everyone gets to work? Ya kiddin?
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
9:50 am
Congrats on the nuptials, Dan.
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
9:53 am
Workout Report – TheDude and I started P90X this morning. It did NOT go well for me. However, I will press on.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
9:55 am
Good morning! Congratulations, Dan, on your wedding. I heard it was very nice!
He thinks before one date is planned, a guy deserves to know if he is interested in someone who is abstinent. This depends on how you’ve been talking before the first date is planned. I’m not going to tell you about my sex life with a simple call saying “hi, how are you?” Oh, I’m fine, but I’m abstinent.” Whatcha doing?” Like I said, depends on how you’ve been communicating. How many men state, before that first date is planned, that they:
♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪
don’t wanna be loved
I don’t wanna be loved
I just wanna quickie
No bite marks, no scratches, and no hickies
If you can get with that, mami come get with me
I don’t wanna be loved
I don’t wanna be loved
I just wanna quick fix
Up in your mix miss
Send me you wishlist
I have you addicted
So mami come hit this♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪
Should you clue your date in about your celibacy? Yes, because it’s not wise to string them along. Let them make a conscious decision going forward. If you two aren’t compatible in that area, it won’t work.
Is it anyone’s business if you are not in a relationship with them? Nope! It’s only a concern to those working toward building a relationship.
More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/m/miguel_jontel/#share
I I would argue, though, how much information should be shared that quickly? I mean, unless that is the only thing you are really interested in anyway?
Should you clue your date in about your celibacy? Is it anyone’s business if you are not in a relationship with them?
How do you tell someone you are abstaining? What do you say and when?
Should you be able to inquire about their sexual habits, i.e. the number of partners, etc.?
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
9:56 am
Sorry, forgot to delete the rest…please ignore!
czBrat
August 29th, 2011
9:57 am
HiYas!
hmmm. interesting. i’d have to say that discussing if/when we might get intimate has never presented itself on a first (or second) date for me. the convo is more about getting to know each other in sooooo many ways beyond “are we gonna hit it?” granted, i’ve not had to tell a dude “i’m saving myself for marriage” since i was 16. every man since simply gets the “we could get there IF we decide to take this that far”. i don’t call that abstinence. just being particular.
so, help me out bloggers. are you considered celibate just because you don’t sleep with anybody and everybody from jump? or does that term only apply when you have a particular goal in mind. i.e. marriage, 90-day rule, etc?
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
9:58 am
As to participating in abstinence, your actions should lead and your words should support.
In other words, stay out of situations that would lead to sexual activities or the assumption that such activities are going to take place.
When it is appropriate (and no one is aroused), have the conversation in a calm, reasonable manner. I think the appropriate time is when the person you are dating begins to lead the conversation/activities in that direction.
SlimNu
August 29th, 2011
9:59 am
Leggs, thanks for clearing that up because I thought I had crust in my eye when I wasn’t seeing any answers to the questions. Welcome to Monday…lol
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
10:00 am
Can’t believe I left the word “long” off in both sentences.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
10:03 am
Casual Observer
August 29th, 2011
10:04 am
Good Mornng all…. This is a silly question….Of course it should be presented… Sex is a vital part of any relationship and if one of the cornerstones is not going to be in play, then you almost owe it to the person tyou are seeing to let them know that… Kinda like If you live with your mom, or don’t have a job, or have like 7 or 8 kids…..Even if you don’t intend to be intimate in the near future, being abstinate funda mentally changes the nature iof the relationship, and you have to put that kind of stuff on the table….
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
10:06 am
Should you be able to inquire about their sexual habits, i.e. the number of partners, etc.? I would not ask my possible mate the number of women he’s been with before me. Since he’s not a virgin when we got together, I have to expect he’s been with more than one! As long as health card states he is disease free, I’ll roll with that. His past his is past, as mine past is my past. Absent medical issues, it will remain that way. Sure we may bring certain things up, but you best believe I’m not going to sit with him over wine, cheese and crackers discussing our past endeavors.
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
10:08 am
Officially stanning for BEY!!! (lol)
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
10:09 am
@Casual O ~ two things:
1. It was asked should this be stated before the first date is planned.
2. “then you almost owe it to the person tyou are seeing to let them know that” – they haven’t started seeing each other yet.
“…and you have to put that kind of stuff on the table…. Is this really sound advice to tell everyone this with the first encounter? I think not. Again, I may be wrong, but I feel it depends on how LONG you’ve been communicating.
SlimNu
August 29th, 2011
10:13 am
SC I was just talking to my co-worker about the p90x. She said it was brutal and suggested I try the 30 Day Shred video instead. She’s going to let me borrow her dvd for a night to see what I think of it before I buy it. Might be something to consider looking into if you don’t think the 90x deal is right for you.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
August 29th, 2011
10:14 am
@SC/Leggs
Thanks for the congrats.
@abc
Given the nature of dating today, it’s only fair to discuss expectations and goals if the relationship is going somewhere. If it’s a first – third date with no chemistry, then there would be no need to discuss the matter.
If, however, there is a connection, letting the person you’re seeing know – upfront – what your goals in life are is a necessary step. Goals should include family, finances, sexual proclivities and all.
I would call it a responsible thing to do.
Amia
August 29th, 2011
10:16 am
I have abstained for a while by choice of not wanting to collect notches on my belt, so to speak. I recently met someone who I am interested in getting to know better. If things progress, the abstaining will stop (for sure).
There is no way I am asking him how many people he’s been with nor should he ask me about mine. I don’t want to know. I am like Leggs, though. You need be disease free! I also agree SlimNu’s 8:59 when you said not being a carpet muncher is a problem. Huge problem. Huge Huge Huge problem! 
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
10:16 am
Morning All,
Before the first date or the first few dates, no. After that, I would think something so fundamental should be discussed in a frank, no pressure way. Like SCool said, that way if you want to continue seeing each other, you can avoid situations that could lead to assumptions that something is going to happen. I think it just depends on the situation. Is it for spiritual reasons, are you just taking a break for awhile, are you a virgin not necessarily waiting for marriage but if the right one came along and you fell in love you could go there? It’s all sorts of scenarios. Just do what feels right.
Dan – Wishing you and your new bride & family much love and happiness!
SlimNu
August 29th, 2011
10:19 am
Slim now throwing crumbled up granola at Dan since she doesn’t have any rice Congratulations new Hubby!!!
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
10:19 am
Exactly, kimmie, exactly!
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
August 29th, 2011
10:26 am
@Kimmie/Slim(ie) thanks
@Slim, stop throwing stuff at me, I got someone around to handle my lightweight these days….
czBrat
August 29th, 2011
10:26 am
what about simple good manners? What are you really interested in, just getting laid, or the girl herself?
uh. yeah. that about covers it.
awwww, dan. that’s just the sweetness! congrats and many, MANY years of wedded bliss!!
SlimNu
August 29th, 2011
10:37 am
Dan – Well, I started to give you a good ole blog hug but I didn’t want to the Mrs to get riled up while she’s still in wedded bliss mode. How about a congratulatory fist bump instead?
abc
August 29th, 2011
10:38 am
I would expect that someone’s wishes to abstain from sex would be unlikely to having a total aversion to it in general — although I’m sure that occurs too — but rather would have more to do with a desire for marriage, saving it for their future husband or wife. The future person is out there now, you know. That qualification would be information enough for someone who wanted to know, and if they’re not in the game for keeps in the first place, would play itself out naturally.
If there are health problems that prevent performance, I’m not so sure that someone should feel obligated to volunteer the information early on. Aside from some sexually transmitted diseases, most everything that goes wrong with males can be remedied: blood pressure, etc. are the most likely culprits. Would you say “Do you have high blood pressure? Diabetes? ED?” It just doesn’t seem all that palatable a conversation to have if you’re just on a few dates.
Casual Observer
August 29th, 2011
10:40 am
Leggs, in a word yes….If there is somthing in your life that would seriously affect the dating process, then yes, one is almost obligated to share that kind of info….I guess that goes along with whats CZBrat said, If you are just particular about who you sleep with then thats one thing, But if you have vowed to stay abstinent until marriage or whatever, then yeah, the person you are involved with should have the chance to decide if they wanna be done with that…..
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
10:40 am
I would actually be more interested in hearing about health issues before hearing about sex issues.
Exiled!
August 29th, 2011
10:42 am
Good morning!
On topic yes I am supposed to know if u abstain or not. The same way a woman that’s sexually active wld want to know because I could be heading to the Catholic seminary school and doing this just to while up time.
No false advertising is permitted.
A man in the know tho don’t have to be told directly or ask an explicit sexual question. You can get the drift just by mere talk , on the phone before u even schedule a date!
And fellas,it’s rude to leave a chic’s cobwebs hanging in anticipation because ur balls aren’t up to standard and u just pretending! This is Atlanta where the chics expect u to knock it outta the park!
If u can’t hit it,Quit it!
Have a nice day!
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
10:48 am
“…then yeah, the person you are involved with should have the chance to decide if they wanna be done with that…..”
I definitely agree Casual O. My point is they’re not involved yet. Perhaps I may be playing the game of semantics because my point is why tell someone this if you AREN”T involved with them yet. I see no point in telling someone this first time talking with them, perhaps not even during the second conversation.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
10:54 am
First date is a first date, first time out. It’s not even a relationship yet. Sex should not be brought up IMO on a first outing. And half of the ladies would suspect that the guy just wanted the panties if he brought sex up in any form or fashion on the first date.
czBrat
August 29th, 2011
10:59 am
and i have to agree with SC. well said … my convo and carriage leading up to and including those first dates should already tell you that we’re not getting to the nitty gritty of my lava flow habits any time soon.
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
11:00 am
“You can get the drift just by mere talk , on the phone before u even schedule a date!”
For real?!? How would that conversation go?
Meelow – Hey, Obutande, How are you doing this fine afternoon?
Atyotunde – I just came in from milking my father’s goat herd.
Meelow – I trust that was an enjoyable experience.
Ayotunde – Actually, the wrinkly teets were hard to grasp and bending over makes my back hurt like two camel humps.
Meelow – (thinking) She does not partake in the activity that is of sexual in nature. I must find another with which to spread seed from my loins.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
11:00 am
I agree PR, but bet many would say two people who are planning on having sex, shouldn’t talk about sex on the first date. However, one party being abstinent throws an entirely new monkey wrench into the gravy. One needs to know that there will not be ANY sex before marriage. Well, IMO, no matter how you slice, no one should be talking about sex on the first date.
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
11:01 am
Purple – I agree. To me it would be a little presumptuous, especially BEFORE the first date. Who said I liked you like that ANYWAY?!
Another case for talking and taking the time to get to know someone. Like Exiled said, a lot will come to surface by talking and observing. What’s important and not important to a person will more than likely be revealed.
Exiled!
August 29th, 2011
11:08 am
Scool?
just asking a leading question like’what type of relationship are u looking for? and following up on the answer will get u an indicator of what type of man or woman she is!
But if u exchange numbers and the next thing is a date,then no wonder one can end up in the trunk of a psycho!
Exiled!
August 29th, 2011
11:09 am
Psychos’ car
Casual Observer
August 29th, 2011
11:10 am
OK…If a person is looking for a long term thing, then why would they not be willing to disclose something that is such a fundamental part of being involved? I think this is akin to not telling someone that you are like a Sovereign Citizen or a Devout Muslim……On the first date its not realtive, but if you are looking for something long term you would want to know….
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
11:10 am
“just asking a leading question like’what type of relationship are u looking for? and following up on the answer will get u an indicator of what type of man or woman she is!”
Isn’t this Dating 101?
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
11:11 am
Of course you would Casual O. Of course!
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
11:15 am
Exiled/SCool – A lot of folk I’ve known that just got saved and practice abstinence for spiritual reasons seemed to wear it like a badge. I’m not saying all are like this, just alot I have run across. They are not that private about it. So it is bound to come up early. Some guys I’ve known that have talked about women they’ve come across that are abstinent did not give me the impression that they were misled. It seemed to come up rather early on so they could decide if they could deal with it or not. Most said they could not, but they respected the woman’s decision.
Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)
August 29th, 2011
11:16 am
Interesting topic for today…when I chose to abstain I didn’t date. I got rid of the boy toy and focused on me. It wasn’t easy mind you but I wanted more than what I had but I knew it had to start with me. When I got back in touch with Mr. Bermuda we both realized that we still cared about each other and talked on the phone and via text/email for quite some time in an effort to sort things out. It was even better that he soon came to town for a job interview and we got a chance to vibe in person but being physical wasn’t the main objective…it was an added bonus no doubt…but not the main focus and that was agreed upon before he came to the States. I explained my situation to him and he respected it..he never pressed the issue but he did follow my lead.
He’ll be back soon…for good this time and I can’t wait. Since he and I are on the same page I haven’t dated or “been with” anyone since he’s been gone and I have no problem or issue with that. I’m glad I waited then and don’t mind doing it now.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
11:18 am
If i’m on a date and am asked what type of relationship I am looking for a would respond with an answer but that answer would not include anything about sex. And for th
Button
August 29th, 2011
11:19 am
if my date tells me he has health issues then I’m going to assume that he’ll have sex issues somewhere down the line. And for that reason, being up front is a big deal for me.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
11:21 am
Congrats Sassy! I hope you two have a long lasting happy relationship!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
11:23 am
All relationships begin and travel different routes, I wouldn’t ask that question on a first date. It’s none of my business, if we are continuing to see each other further down the road it is likely all types of questions will be asked. That would be an opportunity to gather more indepth information.
Good Morning:
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
11:25 am
Sassy – don’t it feel good having a “grown folks” relationship?
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
11:27 am
Sassy – Cool!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
11:33 am
Health and LOL…..carpet munching, finances, and other issues can easily be addressed if you are starting feel each other out.
Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)
August 29th, 2011
11:37 am
@ SexyCool..YES it does
Thanks Purp/Kimmie!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
11:39 am
Carpet munching…..LOL
I learn so much right here.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
11:44 am
Sassy Me:
Good for you and Mr. Bermuda, hope y’all make it well.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
11:51 am
If I was on a first date with a woman and she blurted out that she was abstinent I would think she would be easier to get in bed than a woman who was not “abstinent” lol
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
11:52 am
Excuse me ma’am can we have sex while I get to know you better?
For Real
August 29th, 2011
11:53 am
What up Blog Fam!!
If you are abstinent you should say that on the first date. Not revealing that big piece of info is SELFISH and it takes away the other person’s choice. If you are the person you claim to be, then why can’t you rest on who you? Why the games?
Congrats Dan!!!!
For Real now pouring out the bottle of water he got from Dan’s wedding.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
11:54 am
Why you pouring it out ForReal? Did you taste it and realize it wasn’t vodka?
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
11:55 am
@SassyM ~ there you go chica, in it to win it. Wish you two the best and longevity.
For Real
August 29th, 2011
11:57 am
Leggs: That too but I didn’t want any married coodies in my body either.
For Real now wondering if any of the 37 deviled eggs he ate had any marriage coodies in them.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
11:57 am
LOL
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
12:02 pm
Yes lady, you said you’re abstinent good now we can go carpet munching.
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
12:05 pm
Will and Jada orchestrated Beyonce’s pregnancy to keep folks out of their business. (lol)
Like I said earlier, officially stanning for Bey.
Loved how the announcement was made!
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
12:05 pm
Funny how a lot of abstinent folks will still do oral. LOL
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
12:06 pm
That’s going to be an ugly baby and Beyonce is about to blow up in size.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
12:06 pm
@ForReal ~ too funny!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
12:07 pm
LOL…..@Purple
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
12:07 pm
Due to Usain Bolt’s disqualification in the finals, I am pretty certain that the “one and done” rule on false starts is done.
czBrat
August 29th, 2011
12:12 pm
That’s going to be an ugly baby and Beyonce is about to blow up in size.
sad but quite possibly true.
Due to Usain Bolt’s disqualification in the finals, I am pretty certain that the “one and done” rule on false starts is done.
perhaps, but it’s already done the sport a favor as far as i’m concerned. yes. i’m hating.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
12:12 pm
@BF and any other man that cares to answer. Would you really still carpet munch once she told you she was abstinent? If so, you need to run, because she’s lying to you and to herself? Run from anyone who thinks abstinence is “some of this,” none of that.”
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
12:13 pm
Usaine is insane!
Mr_NYC
August 29th, 2011
12:15 pm
@Leggs – no and heck naw, and you’re right, she’s practicing self-deception and trying to mind-meld some dude into her alternate reality.
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
12:18 pm
Gaga is on something. I appreciate all the folks who love her creativity. But yeah…no…that chick is just weird.
I wish entertainers would return to focusing on their music.
Katy Perry – no, no and no.
Nicki Minaj – you need yo entire ass whupped.
All of these shenanigans scream, “Look at me, I’m so insecure. I’m trying to be relevant for longer than 15 seconds.”
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
12:19 pm
Me, Myself and Irene kicked some East Coast ass this weekend.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
August 29th, 2011
12:20 pm
@For Real, Brat – preciate it.
@Leggs, if he was at my wedding, there’s a 90% chance that any clear liquid was vodka, and 95% chance that it was in my orbit.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
12:20 pm
Leggs I would find it selfish that she would want that and not the other. I’ll go on about my way.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
August 29th, 2011
12:25 pm
@Sassy
Here’s hoping you’ve found someone to share your life with.
Mazel Tov and L’Chayim
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
12:28 pm
I have to agree on your assessment of KPerry. Althought GaGa is weird, and looked weird, I bet that was one of her more comfortable outfits. Her mouth started quivering almost locking up. Anyone notice that? Joe might have come off a little better if he didn’t have those weird eyes.
@BF ~ I would fault her for being selfish, but after letting him do that, I would kick dude to the curb for being so gullible and stupid.
Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB
August 29th, 2011
12:29 pm
What up folks…no one should tell that they are abstinent on the 1st date, it will come up at some point if there is a connection, and if someone is truly abstaining, the choice will eventually need to be made, and enjoying someone’s company up to that time is no waste…Just know that if you are the abstainer, you need to search for virgins because once people start having sex, they are never the same, and not likely going to be able to handle a committed non-sexual relationship
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
12:35 pm
I don’t know why but that whole singing and dancing thing rubs me the wrong way for some reason. I can’t exactly describe it but it bothers me…that whole system does.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
12:35 pm
Never heard the song Bey sang, but I really liked it.
The award for this year’s artist trying to hard goes to….drum roll…..Nicki Minaj…what a hot, cover your eyes and look through your fingers mess that was. Then take away from your eys and cover your mouth stifling WTF????
BlackMagicWoman...in NYC
August 29th, 2011
12:37 pm
Well I am celibate and happy with my choice. It helps you to make clearer decisions without the cloud of lust. You can see if that guy really likes you or if he is some little boy in a man’s body still on the Booty Prowl! That is why I tell a guy that I doj’t do private quarters. Because for some reason a little signal goes off in their head that you want to get busy, verses just spending quiet time getting to know each other. I feel like I want to go back to the days when chaperones accompanied you on dates!
When I meet a guy and if he starts talking sex with me and we have not gone thar route, I know what they want and they get the boot. I have called them out on it. And these were men of different ages, races and backgrounds. I had one tell me that he is a flirt…and how can he flirt without the mention of sex. Well I had to let him know that he is conversationally inept if his wack game is so limited that he can not think of other ways of flirting. And this was no spring chickem. I tried giving the “Older man” a try. Yeah….I see that makes no difference.
On another note…..I have always said that I hope Beyonce’s genes kick in..because their features do NOT match! God be with that kid. On a good foot, it will be rich! Money makes a lot of things more attractive!
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
12:40 pm
BMW, how long have you been celibate? I think one need to be celibate for atleast a year before they are claiming celibacy. I mean I have been celibate since last friday….don’t know how long I till be celibate though. LOL
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
12:41 pm
Money makes celibacy a less attractive thing to do too. LOL
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
12:41 pm
4 Real – Did you see Breaking Bad? I tell you, I am on pins and needles the entire time I watch that show! I am always just waiting on something to pop off!!!
Confirmed Bachelor
August 29th, 2011
12:42 pm
I have better things to think about.
czBrat
August 29th, 2011
12:44 pm
jake, i get what you’re saying but it’s not always the case. to BMWs point, she made the choice to re-group and re-focus. that doesn’t mean she has NO chance with an active man. he may very well be looking for an opportunity to re-focus himself. she might bring a perspective he had not really thought of (or committed to), and if he’s feeling her in every way, he may very well welcome the chance to abstain while pursuing something meaningful.
it could happen.
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
12:47 pm
Oh…but a word about JayZ – dude, you are 41 years old, somebody’s husband and about to be somebody’s daddy, pull yo’ damn pants up!!! Sheesh…
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
12:56 pm
I can’t wait to watch Fashion Police! To be honest, I give everyone in the entertainment industry, especially the musicians, some slack when it comes to attire. They are expected to dress “creative”. They are not bankers and social workers or lawyers. The crazy get-ups are a part of the package. If they all showed up to the Grammy’s or the VMA’s looking like their going to church, it would not be as much fun! Life would be so dull if we all wore the “required uniform” like cookie-cutters.
I love it all! I crack up to see what they are going to show up in next!
BlackMagicWoman...in NYC
August 29th, 2011
12:56 pm
PURPLE….I have been celibate since last year…so yes! And it has helped me to weed out “horn-Dogs” with bad intentions!
CZBrat…thank you very much. You understand my position…and that position is not under, on top of or on my knees in front of a man!
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
1:01 pm
BMW, well I know I am not the largest man in the world but I don’t think that I am so small that you still are qualified as celibate. You care nothing about my feelings. LOL
czBrat
August 29th, 2011
1:03 pm
CZBrat…thank you very much. You understand my position…and that position is not under, on top of or on my knees in front of a man
go’on chica! guard your treasure. your mr. right will appreciate it.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
1:23 pm
@BMW ~ you know I know. My stance is the same as yours. I refuse to be under, on tope or on my knees for anyone who doesn’t care to get to know me, be in a relationship with me, etc. Getting d….is no problem. Getting a good, quality, a man of substance is another story all together! That goes back to my song at the top of the hour. Too many of those walking around. In the meantime, I’m good with my legs closed. My head is clear and I know what I won’t tolerate.
Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB
August 29th, 2011
1:34 pm
@Brat and BMW…I didn’t say its impossible, its just not likely, and just because a man wants to have a sexual encounter with a woman does not make him a “horn dog” or some kind of “little boy just interested in nuttin”….how about we remember that your choice does remove another person’s choice away.
Sex is a wonderful experience that some of us enjoy sharing…its the most natural thing you will ever do outside of breathing, eating, and sleeping….when you begin, you don’t need instructions, you come in the world with the equipment, and you can do it by yourself if necessary; which brings me to my next question.
To the celibaters, are you mastuabating?..cause if you are, you cheatin!!!
Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB
August 29th, 2011
1:35 pm
does not
BlackMagicWoman...in NYC
August 29th, 2011
1:36 pm
PR….you are a fool! You know that?
” Getting d….is no problem. Getting a good, quality, a man of substance is another story all together! ”
LEGGS…say it again! AMEN!
Celisea
August 29th, 2011
1:37 pm
Afternoon all,
Nice post Sassy…..my sentiments exactly. If I know for certain abstinence is the order at or during that time, more than likely it’s a no go….no dating. Mainly because it’s something…for me….that just “happens.” Not calculated, not pinned not penciled in but when the time is right. Have a clear understanding that intimacy is the result being on the same page, heading in the same direction.
If I’m asked about intimacy more than likely I would take that to be an only or likely motive. I’m use to being intimate ahead of intimacy and under that circumstance more likely to be yeilding in that case.
SlimNu
August 29th, 2011
1:38 pm
When I wasn’t getting any D, I got to know myself a little better. lol
Exiled!
August 29th, 2011
1:46 pm
@Leggs?
U celibate? I thought u just don’t tell,not to mean u celibate. Any hoo,good luck!
BMW,u not celibate. U are in a long screening process!
U can’t allow carpet munching then say u celibate
Or use a vibrator then say u celibate!
Just Hush!
Coz self poking/ self f-king is fornication,no celibacy there!
It’s not a human but still!
Mechanized s e x!
czBrat
August 29th, 2011
1:47 pm
I didn’t say its impossible, its just not likely
understood. i didn’t mean to imply that you were posing it as an impossibility. i was addressing this ——> “Just know that if you are the abstainer, you need to search for virgins”
because that’s just a wee bit ridikulous in our age group.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
1:51 pm
@Jake ~ I’ll be honest enough and say this, as it concerns me. Masturbating, at times, takes too much work. You get to the point, well, I’ve gotten to the point, where I go through my daily activities not concerned about it.
@BMW ~ and it’s a daayuuummm shame its like that.
Celisea
August 29th, 2011
1:51 pm
I guess too I don’t understand the question because progression is only natural and sex and intimacy is fully encompassed. Letting someone know “hey, Imma give you some….at some point seems outside the natural progression of things
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
1:51 pm
Y’all never fail to entertain……LOL
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
1:56 pm
I admire those that can abstain and hold to it and use that time to think clearer and become more self-aware. To each his/her own.
But I can’t honestly say I’ve ever been there. I started to say like Sassy, when I abstained I didn’t date. To be honest, I was just going thru a prolonged dry spell. And when I was not interested in anyone it was easier to go without.
I can’t say I made better decisions during those times. I’ve made my share of mistakes like anyone, but I can’t say I lost my mind and decision-making ability to the d. Just can’t say that. Stupid things I’ve done, whether I was getting some or not.
Celisea, I like what you said about it not be calculated but happens when the time is right. The whole “announcing that you’re celibate” thing seems too calculated to me. I don’t know of a better way to ensure that nothing ever would happen.
Celisea
August 29th, 2011
2:02 pm
Thanks Kimmie. Calculated is exactly what it feels like. Imma say this again, more than likely not going to date during times of celibacy. Not far to him and too much of an expectation from me. If and that’s an if we are going to do the dang thing….sex is only in order. That’s an “if” folks. There’s a lot that hinges on that.
czBrat
August 29th, 2011
2:02 pm
I abstained I didn’t date. To be honest, I was just going thru a prolonged dry spell. And when I was not interested in anyone it was easier to go without.
thanx, kimmie. that kinda helps with the question i asked earlier. difference between celibacy and just plain old not sleeping around.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
2:03 pm
@Ex ~ I’m good over here.
Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)
August 29th, 2011
2:03 pm
Not calculated, not pinned not penciled in but when the time is right.
Precisely..
I’m good with my legs closed. My head is clear and I know what I won’t tolerate.
Worth repeating…I got/get alot of flack sometimes because I’m waiting in him to get back soon and not getting my groove on in the meantime b/c he’s outta the country but it’s just not what I want. As previously mentioned by other ladies, gettin “d” isn’t a problem but what I want transcends that.
Thanks for the kind words blog..
Celisea
August 29th, 2011
2:04 pm
Currently? I’m celibate
Celisea
August 29th, 2011
2:06 pm
Spot on Sassy…spot on. Let folks give you flack, you gotta do what works and is best for you.
Dynamic
August 29th, 2011
2:07 pm
So if you need to disclose that you are abstaining from sex on the first date….then what is your date going to disclose? Are you going to tell me that you can only go 3 min before you explode? Are you going to tell me that you have bad credit? Are you going to tell me that you don’t pay your child suppport? Need I say more?
IMO if and when the time is right you will get to know a person. On the first date you don’t know a person’s middle name let alone their sexual preferences!!
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
2:07 pm
@kimmie/ex/czB ~ I’m not celibate, just abstaining cuz I ain’t dating. It’s that simple. Can I get sex, SURE. I can blink my eyes like “I Dream of Jeannie” or wiggle my nose like “Bewitched” and it’s front and center. That kinda D I ain’t looking for. Since I can’t be a FWB typle of gal, I have to remain true to my soul, my heart and seek that which I desire. If I don’t find anyone who cares for me then so be it. I won’t combust! I’ll be disappointed, but I won’t combust.
Willie Dynamite
August 29th, 2011
2:08 pm
Afternoon All,
Question for the fellas. Have any of you ran into a Woman that was Celibate or abstaining that different let you know pretty quickly? In my experiences a celibate chick would let you know almost up front if they were celibate. Also,most of those (small sample size) just used that as a talking point and/or weeding out ritual.
Willie Dynamite
August 29th, 2011
2:09 pm
didn’t not different
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
2:10 pm
@SassyMe ~ see, right there is a problem. Why are you getting flack because you waiting on him to get back. You two have discussed things and you seem to be on the same page. Always someone up in someone else’s twart trying to tell them how and when to do the do. Usually a gf egging you on to do something. Misery loves company. A true friend would commend you for sticking to your guns and waiting on that which YOU decided to wait on.
Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)
August 29th, 2011
2:12 pm
difference between celibacy and just plain old not sleeping around.
There sure is..I’ve gone through dry spells but being celibate felt different because it was a choice and not by circumstance. I didn’t date during that time ’cause I didn’t want to and I had to fall back from the whole scene. Don’t get me wrong there were times I was approached but the other person’s motives were all based on sex and it was soo obvious….damn near frustrating sometimes.
Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)
August 29th, 2011
2:16 pm
Usually a gf egging you on to do something. Misery loves company.
That’s who was giving me a hard time…two of my gf’s I’ve known for some time: One is unhappily married(now separated) to a Pakistani ~11 yrs her junior and the other is in a relationship with a dude who can’t/won’t communicate his feelings when isht gets tough instead he disappears. I know right?! But I don’t judge them….I just don’t listen.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
2:17 pm
“…but the other person’s motives were all based on sex and it was soo obvious….damn near frustrating sometimes.”
Worth repeating!!! Some men really believe those “gutter” compliments are flattering to us.
Willie Dynamite
August 29th, 2011
2:19 pm
Being Devils advocate; as far as Men are concerned for every 10 chicks that say they are celibate we know 6-7 of them gon fugg. I don’t have a nationwide sample size but I’m willing to bet its a few dudes on this here blog that have knocked off a “Celibate’ chick.
I applaud the Ladies that truly are Celibate and abstaining for whatever reason. That is a very personal lifestyle choice that when done right can yield amazing benefits for self.
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
2:23 pm
abstaining cuz I ain’t dating
Leggs – Bingo! That was me right before I met my husband and started dating him. Before that, there were long stretches of time when I was not interested in anyone so I wasn’t doing anything. And yeah, if I just wanted to “do it” there were plenty that would ablige me at the drop of a hat. But that was so empty and cold and not my scene. I would just rather hang out with family & friends during those times. Sure, sometimes it was lonely, but I was not climbing the walls.
Willie – I know you were asking the guys, but I eluded to that earlier. Most folks I know that are really practicing celibacy don’t seem to mind letting the whole world know. They wear it like a badge. And I’m not talking about those that just haven’t had any in awhile either. And if you are celibate and tell someone and they don’t want to go along with that you can’t automatically assume they are a bad person and just all about sex. I personally could not date someone and hold out until marriage.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
2:24 pm
Leggs, did you say you don’t masterbate because it’s to much work for you?
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
2:27 pm
Interesting topic. I’m not sure where I fall on this other than I do believe that expectations should be revealed by each and unraveled SLOWLY by each. If abstinence is an expectation, then that should be revealed and if sex is a requirement/expectation, that should be revealed also, but all done subtly and in the proper conversation and context…and in a manner that conveys that it is a wish not an ultimatum.
Personally, I believe that if sex is going to happen, it will happen without someone trying hard to make it happen or trying hard not to do it. Couples know when they should do it, whether it is the first date or the fiftieth. The timing should be right for both.
One thing I have said on here many times and know is an absolute, is that sex ALWAYS changes the dynamics of a relationship and should not be entered into without thinking about how it will change things…for the better or for worse. Again it is TIMING.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
2:27 pm
I think people put to much emphasis on sex. Honeslty when I was seriously dating someone I would try and hold out as long as I could, that’s not to say I did not enjoy it happening sooner than planned. It just seems like sex to soon clouds things, but I guess that all depends on what you wanted as an end result
Celisea
August 29th, 2011
2:28 pm
Truly “celibate” folks aren’t easily dusted. Folks abstining will more than likely cave. Celibacy is only hard for the person that’s trying to understand your plight. That’s why it just make more sense to walk that walk alone.
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
2:29 pm
Also,most of those (small sample size) just used that as a talking point and/or weeding out ritual.
Willie – See that just seems like game-play to me. Weed out by truly getting to know someone before you become intimate. All that mess just isn’t necessary, IMO.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
2:30 pm
It is commendable that you ladies abstain, for a guy you deem worthy. That dude will be on cloud nine, I know I would.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
2:30 pm
Best thing for a guy to do before a date is to masterbate before meeting the woman. That way his hormones are in check and sex is at the back of his mind.
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
2:31 pm
Randyt – I like your post, very mature and realistic.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
2:33 pm
Yes celibate people will avoid situations in which they may be tempted….then I just take off my shirt and pour some water on my chest and the panties drop…then I stick that same water bottle on her lips and let the water cascade down her chin to her neck to her chest….umm what are we talking about again?
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
2:33 pm
@kimmie ~ I unequivocally co-sign your 2:23 to ME. That is exactly how I feel and how I’m rolling. And guess what, I so cool with it. I keep smiling, singing, laughing. Stress free and diseased clear!
@PR ~ not that it’s necessarily too much work. I can get myself off quickly, it’s just not what I desire so mentally, it’s work. Does that make sense?
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
2:36 pm
Just read some recent posts and agree that sex is always out there if that is what someone wants. I hate to say this, but I haven’t seen many women who can’t get someone to indulge them, and I haven’t seen many men that are straight and have a job that cannot find something. It is all in what a person wants, whether in the context of love/relationship (my personal choice), whether in the context of just wanting an itch scratched, or just wanting to sport F&*^. It isn’t that hard. What all have to decide is what is right for them.
What I do believe is that many men can talk themselves right out of it by just saying the wrong (read STUPID) things on a first date. The surest way to get it is to just let it happen, not try to force it. As a sign I saw once said, “Sampson killed 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of an azz, 50,000 sales are killed every day by the same weapon”.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
2:37 pm
Yes Leggs, the longest I have gone as an adult without an orgasm was 5 years. Sometime an orgasm is the farthest thing from your mind.
Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB
August 29th, 2011
2:37 pm
“And if you are celibate and tell someone and they don’t want to go along with that you can’t automatically assume they are a bad person and just all about sex.”
Thanks Kimmie, that was really my sentiment, cause somebody wants to have sex, even if its casual, they aren’t an automatic azz with no genuine qualities, which is the general description we have been gettin from the “no droppa the panties” group.
Willie Dynamite
August 29th, 2011
2:39 pm
Kimmie – agree and agree.
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
2:40 pm
Purple – I agree, I think there is entirely too much emphasis on sex, by everyone.
I have a friend whose mom is very self-righteous. My friend is divorced with a child and is almost 40. Yet, every time she goes somewhere out of town with her boyfriend, her mother asks her about the sleeping arrangements and how wrong she is to be messing around without being married. I’m sure her mom even raised her eyebrows at me a few times before I married. It’s such a drain though. If all we cared about was having sex, we can stay in ATL and do that! That’s not all of what a trip out of town is all about!LOL!!
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
2:41 pm
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
2:42 pm
Like PR, I have gone long periods without, BY CHOICE. If it were a necesity like food, water, and air, there is always Johnny’s Hideaway.
Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)
August 29th, 2011
2:42 pm
many men can talk themselves right out of it by just saying the wrong (read STUPID) things on a first date. The surest way to get it is to just let it happen, not try to force it.
Worth repeating….and sounds even better coming from a man. Nice post Randy will all the t-shirts
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
2:43 pm
kimmie, exactly. You don’t have to spend the night or go to sleep for sex to happen. I wonder what time of day that most sex takes place. In Atlanta I think it is the lunch hours. LOL
Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)
August 29th, 2011
2:44 pm
What is Johhny’s Hideaway?….don’t jugde me..
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
2:46 pm
Johnny’s Hideaway is a cougars hunting ground.
Willie Dynamite
August 29th, 2011
2:47 pm
Sex is like money. Having it is not as much a problem as Not having it is. Wanting it and can’t get it or not wanting it and still having to fight off the wolves.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
2:48 pm
I will agree Purple, it seemed like the sooner I got the sex the faster the relationship ended. I was guilty for that but as one ages that mind set changes for the better.
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
2:48 pm
@ Sassy
Johnny’s Hideaway is a legendary “meat market” in Buckhead on Roswell Rd., that has the neediest group of people you will ever see. Great music, good drinks and food, but many people come there just to hook up. It is a place where if you leave alone it is by choice. After having said that, it is also a place where it is important that you leave the person you went home with before the sun comes up and streams thru the curtains…and you realize that alcohol MIGHT have clouded your judgement.
BlackMagicWoman...in NYC
August 29th, 2011
2:49 pm
EXILED….oh shut ya yap!
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
2:55 pm
Question for the men: Ever had sex with a woman to soon and then it turned into a serious relationship and after she knew you were really her’s she showed you a whole new world of puddydom? How did this make you feel? Were you happy? Do you think she was holding back and you were upset? Or did you wonder how many times she had done this before? LOL
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
3:01 pm
@PR
I’ve been in relationships where as trust entered, it just got better and better (and the thought of soundproofing the windows seemed like a really good idea when people three milews away could hear you scream
czBrat
August 29th, 2011
3:10 pm
reign, i know you were talking to the gents, but your post made me
s/o is always saying “hmmm. there’s definitely another side to you.” he can barely contain himself wondering what’s in store AFTER we wed. 
time for monday meetings. just ugh!
czBrat
August 29th, 2011
3:14 pm
btw, leggs. colombiana was excellent!
Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB
August 29th, 2011
3:15 pm
Nah PR, never really had one hold back, its hard to hold back when me and the boys get to P#$$@town…we always showed up to show out…I have had one show me too much too soon…my freak-o-meter- went haywire..,I had thought she was such a sweetie…lol
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
3:15 pm
Re: Leggs and “to masturbate or to not masturbate” question…I had a lady once show me her “toys”, including “the Rabbit”…that thing was scary. A lesbian I worked for once told me (not directly but in a conversation over dinner with several people) that men became obsolete with the invention of the shower massage. I was a bit discouraged.
Willie Dynamite
August 29th, 2011
3:17 pm
purp – to answer your question yes and no. Yes in that I had a friend-girl that everytime we hooked up her freakiness seemed to have grown considerably since the prvious encounter. No in the respect of not having been in a serious serious relationship with that type.
Exiled!
August 29th, 2011
3:17 pm
If I don’t have it,my body shivers.
So No,no voluntary abstinence here.
Why masturbate PR,when a human can afford u the same sin?
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
August 29th, 2011
3:22 pm
To WD question:
In *my* sample size, “celibate” was code for other things on a 60 percent average.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
3:26 pm
@caB ~ I was waiting for another woman to answer PR. Oh, I had no doubt that movie would be off the chain. I’ve heard the fight scenes look very realistic. Love a woman who can kick a$$!!
@PR ~ I would like to think it would make a man feel good that as the relationship progressed so did her love making. Who wants to put all their skills in the first encounter. Always save a treat for later.
@RandyT ~ I’ve owned a rabbit and did enjoy it. I put that thing away years ago. And, for the woman who takes her toy over flesh, hardness, a pulse has become jaded and cold.
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
3:28 pm
I’m trying to remember if anyone has ever actually told me they were celibate although I know that it was the intention of some. I have seen that written in some of the profiles on eHarmony. I have had several that said they don’t rush into it and have a perhaps a 3 month minimum waiting period so to speak. It does seem that that tends to break down sooner though…just because chemsitry sets in.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
3:29 pm
Why masturbate PR,when a human can afford u the same sin?
Because you can’t get with just anyone just because they’re human.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
3:30 pm
@RandyT ~ perhaps it’s me, but I would never put the 3-month rule on an online profile.
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
3:32 pm
@ Leggs, sorry, I mispoke. I meant that some on line said in their profile they did not want sex before marriage. The three month rule was not written in a profile on line but told to me as their preference.
Fion
August 29th, 2011
3:34 pm
@ Willie D
Didn’t have time to answer you earlier, but the craziest thing a chick told me on being Celibate was that she was choosing that route in order to be a 2nd time Virgin. Yeah, you read that right. A 2nd time Virgin. Here’s the really Crazy part, she had 2-kids already.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
3:34 pm
Purple I would be good if she held some things back.
Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB
August 29th, 2011
3:34 pm
Well since it came up, I was datin this chick and boy could she rock the mic, I mean she could really spit…lol. So one night she on the mic, and she grabs the rabbit puts it on the boys…that combination, good googly moo…It would be nice to hear her rhyme again!!!
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
3:35 pm
Gotcha, RandyT.
Exiled!
August 29th, 2011
3:35 pm
It’s not anyone if they want to go there with u willingly.
Like somebody here mentioned,not every woman out there is looking for marriage.
Some want meaningless sex,the same way madturbation is.
Only difference here is,at least u get to feel and taste some real azz,not some meaningless air pumping back and forth or some cold and hard steel pipe,like some females here subject themselves to.
(not u Leggs) 
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
3:36 pm
“Because you can’t get with just anyone just because they’re human”.
Leggs calm down now……LOL
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
3:36 pm
@Fion ~ you being a gentleman should have excused her talking like that. You should have known she simply didn’t take her medication that morning.
I am cracking up @ “would be nice tohear her rhyme again!” That was original.
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
3:37 pm
@ Leggs, re your comment on the toy and “hardenss and cold”, I have been told that the toys are not as effective if a woman has gotten used to a man that is actually pleasing her (as opposed to just poking her and assuming she is really getting it good). Recognizing the “O” isn’t as obvious as some men think it is (I mean the guys who “assume” their lady has it)…it takes perception to know what is feeling good and blowing the lady’s cork.
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
3:37 pm
Randyt – Even that is a bit much for an online profile. Nothing wrong with letting folks know that you are looking for someone special and long-term, but putting out there you what you won’t do before marriage is not allowing things to naturally take their course.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
3:37 pm
@BF ~ I’m calm. Are you one of the pod people because I’m calm here! I’m just asking….
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
3:38 pm
@RandyT ~ your post is 100% on the mark! 100%
Celisea
August 29th, 2011
3:40 pm
Look, folks don’t walk around saying “I celibate.” Typically IMExperience, I’ll decline getting acquainted or getting to know someone or spending time. It’s not about going out or hanging and then BAM giving in. It’s moreso a respect for the process and what you hope to accomplish during that time. So, as I said earlier why even broach something you can’t fully submerge or be in….mind body and soul? Now if somone is persistant (cause that’s happened) and insistent on “just hamging out”….well then you gotta break out with it and put it on the table. Most times just the word celibate and the question posed if they’re willing to partake in your plight….oftentime get folks to push along. Sometimes though you get an over eagered, over zealous, over confident dude thinking he can get you to change your mind…lol
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
3:41 pm
@ Kimmie…;-) I’m guessing their emails were not as profuse as they would have been if that line wasn’t there. Most that put that I think are trying to make it known they aren’t there to just “jump”. I know that I did not respond because that seemed to restrictive (okay there was one, but we never got around to going out).
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
3:41 pm
What’s a pod person, you know I’m not that bright. Tell me this can be the second thing I learn today…..LOL
Celisea
August 29th, 2011
3:44 pm
Excuse my typos…I’m on my phone
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
3:44 pm
Exactly Randyt. In the process of weeding out they may have turned off some really nice guys. Restrictive indeed.
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
3:46 pm
@ Fion LMAO at the “second time virgin”. I have some t-shirts but don’t think I’ve run into one where it grew back.
Fion
August 29th, 2011
3:47 pm
@ Leggs
I had a few choice words for her. Don’t need to repeat it here, but that’s the damnest thing I’ve ever heard.
Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB
August 29th, 2011
3:47 pm
@Leggs, she almost got me to sign her, but there were more artists that I wanted to check out, might as well keep the theme going…But Ladies, you might want to give it a try during your next mic check if you have a rabbit already or comparable tool, he will really appreciate it!!!!
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
3:49 pm
My question was just that a question. I like it when a woman holds some back but I was not opposed to her showing her whole hand. I remember I thought this woman could not handle me or that she only liked soft gentle sex, after she knew I was her’s she really wore me out consisitently and let me do as I please…now 1 kid and a half later we are stiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllll together. LOL
Masterbation, I don’t care if folks do it or don’t do it. That’s their business, it is a lot safer than random sex and less straing on feelings and the heart.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
3:49 pm
Fion she said a second time virgin, did not know you could be multiple virgins that’s a first I’ve ever heard. This has been a day of class for me I’m learning all kinds of things……LOL
Fion
August 29th, 2011
3:52 pm
@ Blackfoote
You and me both. Now this is her tellin’ me. They were teaching this mess at here Church.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
3:54 pm
@BF ~ Are you telling me you’ve never seen the movie “The Invasion of the Body Snatchers?” They clone the human and become “pod people.”
@Fion ~ it was like she was a one-woman “girl scout” looking for her 2nd time virgin badge. She was proud to sew that onto her sash.
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
3:57 pm
Leggs – I have a friend that goes to EL’s church and remember her telling me about him preaching something like that, about becoming a virgin again. In fact, she said he declared all that were there “virgins again”.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
3:58 pm
kimmie, for some reason I think he was preaching to the teenage boys on that one
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
3:58 pm
Do you think people really believe they’re born again virgins?
Once the hymen is broken it will not grow back acting like it was never torn. Broke is broke! It will tighten up, but it won’t grow back to a virgin hymen (lol).
Fion
August 29th, 2011
3:58 pm
@ Leggs
and that was the sad part to me. You could tell her Church had pumped her up with this non-sense and she felt properly armed to enter the dating World. Just all messed upped.
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
3:58 pm
Purple – LOL!!!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
3:58 pm
Shoot Leggs I didn’t think of that show. My mind slower than molasses some times…..LOL
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
4:01 pm
LOL……y’all cracking me up.
Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB
August 29th, 2011
4:04 pm
Ya’ll know that’s impossible literally, but when people rededicate to Christ and are Born Again through Baptism, much is supposed to change, and if that lustfulness leaves with that old spirit and they consider themselves 2nd go around Virgins, its cool to me…as long everyone is always “true to thine own self”.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:04 pm
Leggs, on True Blood this one chick was made a vampire while she was a virgin so everytime she has sex her hymen grows right back…that sucks for her because everytime is like the first time and it hurts..but for the guys she is sleeping with it’s great he gets the tightness of a virgin but the experience of a slut. LOL
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:07 pm
Then every time is not like the first time, PR. It may “feel” like the first time, but the skill set has changed so it’s not like the first time every time.
I got what you’re saying, just playing with the words.
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
4:09 pm
I tried abstinence once. It was the worst 4 hours of my ife.
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
4:09 pm
Okay, that may have been a bit of fabrication.
Exiled!
August 29th, 2011
4:11 pm
@Jake!
I think u right but that walk has to be walked with a man of the same persuasion.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:12 pm
LOL Leggs, her body it’s the first time but her mine craves it. Honestly I would never want to sleep with a virgin when I was single, seems like it would be aggravating. Should I feel bad that the I have never had a virgin before? Has everyone else here had a virgin?
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
4:13 pm
RandyT 4 hours I know it’s tough going half a work day without it…….LOL
DreamsMaterialize
August 29th, 2011
4:14 pm
Hey Folks
Why the fuss about what can or can’t be discussed on a first date? You can talk about ANYTHING you want on a first date. Two mature individuals can do that without any issues. Tactfully, respectfully, maturely offering a topic for discussion on the first date isn’t indicative of some character defect, but being unable to discuss such things may be.
DreamsMaterialize
August 29th, 2011
4:15 pm
sorry for the bold
Exiled!
August 29th, 2011
4:15 pm
but to me,a prior pudy pounding is a prior pudy pounding.
Don’t matter to me that u say now u with Jesus.
If u gave it up,it’s over.
No spiritual virgin here!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
4:16 pm
Purple never, I would feel guilty and afraid to touch her.
Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB
August 29th, 2011
4:16 pm
Exiled, agreed…that walk is is not easy one,so those who choose it better choose wisely when they move forward.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:17 pm
Dreams, how do I tell her on the first date that I like to wear a tickle me elmo mask while having sex?
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:17 pm
Has anyone on this blog ever seen a Deron Cloud production? To the point, the production of Boyfriend/Girlfriend Thing. I think that’s the name of it. It is a powerful play for all teenager’s to see pertaining to sex and. Even a discussion of the hymen. Lots of songs, but when you really listen to the meaning, you’ll look at the song differently. Started out with “secret lovers” with us popping our fingers, while later on in the production, the same song came on and ws met with utter silence…check him out if you can…real, real, real deep!
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:18 pm
@PR ~ LOL..I was playing with the words “first time” and “experience of a slut” No such thing!
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:20 pm
Leggs, yes there is. Some people are naturals, don’t hate! LOL
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:22 pm
Alrighty then. I’ll take my born again, uneducated ears stage left…
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:23 pm
Leggs, I am sure when you get back in the groove you will have seemed like you have not missed a beat
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:24 pm
I wonder if anyone would ever admit that they suck in bed. I mean everyone is not good at it I wonder if anyone ever admits it…or do they just rool the dice and hope for the best. How do you tell someone that they are subpar?
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:25 pm
But of course, PR…I know what, how, when, postions! It’s like riding a bike…one doesn’t forget. I’m not worried!
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:26 pm
I sucked my first time (no pun intended)….whew that was funny!
BlackMagicWoman...in NYC
August 29th, 2011
4:26 pm
PR…Jessica is a lil sk*nk isn’t she?
And last night has me anxious for next week’s episode. I can’t believe there are only 2 more for the season. I will be in Fanger Withdrawal!
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:27 pm
How do you tell someone that they are subpar? One sure fire way is to keep making excuses (if you don’t care about the person). If you care, you talk with them and then you teach them.
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
4:27 pm
I am actually quite appreciative of the fact that I have not had children before now. I can honestly say that it has only been in the last year or two that I believe that I am emotionally prepared and have enough life experience under my belt to be able to somewhat properly “raise” a child.
A certain level of sexual knowledge, maturity and responsibility are now a part of my life that would not have been had a been a mother too soon.
How does that fit into this conversation? Prior to having certain experiences, I did not give enough thought to my own motivations for why I did or did not have sex. Had I been better prepared for dating and sex/sexuality on the outset, I would have indulged less, thought more and had better sex all along. It is a gift that I hope to be able to give the child that I may one day have.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:28 pm
There are only 2 more? I think Sookis is the biggest skank. I’m glad Eric is back, oh yeah Alcide’s woman is a skank too. Um since when did Vampires need bazooka’s? LOL
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:29 pm
Leggs LOL
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
4:29 pm
O/T – I’m beginning to lean more towards an elopement.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:31 pm
@SC ~ GO FOR IT! You can have a small reception when you get back at your new home. It’s not necessarily about the wedding, but it’s all about the marriage to one another!!!
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:32 pm
SexyCool with the sobering post. I chalk your experience up to being responsible in your actions instead of being non accountable. Kudos to you because it’s a vagina not a clown car!
Exiled!
August 29th, 2011
4:33 pm
How do u tell them they’re sub par?
Hit it one time and quit!
Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB
August 29th, 2011
4:34 pm
At you BloodSuckers will get more……I am so upset that Entourage is in its Final Season, that is my favorite fuggin show!!
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:34 pm
“…a vagina not a clown car!” I think I’ve read it all now.
Super8
August 29th, 2011
4:35 pm
Hung
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:36 pm
O/T – I heard a politician call another a mo fo. My child and I both looked at each other and busted out laughing.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
4:37 pm
“I sucked my first time”
Why is this sticking out and above everything.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:37 pm
It’s football season!
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:38 pm
Nancy Grace is going to be on Dancing With The Stars…I hope she breaks something and something terrible happens to her.
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
4:38 pm
@ Leggs. The problem with a clumsy lover is that it isn’t like one can say, “okay I need some help in this, maybe I can take a night class at UGA”. The best way is to find a lover who has patience and willing to instruct. I was fortuante to have that early in my “adult” career from an older and more experienced woman. She did not say I was bad. Actually she said I was very good but that “practice makes perfect”. She taught me where and how to touch, to taste, to linger with a slow hand, and when to speed up. She taught me how to locate the g-spot and what to do with it…. As there were more ladies in my life, I learned from each, watching, noticing,etc. I really got to know a woman’s body…ALL OF IT…and it seems to have been appreciated
At the end of the day men need to know this. The most errogenous part of a woman’s body is (drum roll please), the area directly between the ears. It’s not rocket science if one is a willing learner.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:38 pm
@Because ~ you’re wanting to make a deposit. Go back under the stairs.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:38 pm
BlackFoote, I wanted to ask if she actually did suck her first time but I thought better of it.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
4:39 pm
Ok y’all too much for my brain to disect today, a vagina and a clown car……LOL
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:40 pm
Randyt your 4:38 sounds like you were molested…it’s okay but you were a victim and she brainwashed you into thinking she was doing you a favor. LOL
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
4:42 pm
@ PR There was a movie in the 60’s that said…”in every man’s life, there is a summer of ‘42″. She was my “Summer of ‘42″ and I will always be grateful
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
4:43 pm
As I became more comfortable with my own body and more confident in my sexuality, I believe that I became a better bed partner. (I know I began enjoying it more.)
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:43 pm
@RandyT ~ like I said if the person cared, they’re teach (patience included). She cared for you and took the patience. Pat yourself on the back that you had a good teacher.
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
4:44 pm
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:45 pm
@BF ~ that “Because” post was for you. Don’t know why I typed “Because.”
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
4:45 pm
Face palm, tears are streaming, trying not to distract my co-workers, and a head ache too much……….LOL
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
4:48 pm
I’m a year and two days out.
I Love You – 8 letters, 3 words, 1 meaning – 08.31.12!
What to do? What to do?
Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)
August 29th, 2011
4:49 pm
@ Leggs…and when all else fails, the “Venus Butterfly” always works best. Nite y’all
Exiled!
August 29th, 2011
4:49 pm
Became a better bed partner!
@Scool?
So u some freak in bed?
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
4:51 pm
Nope.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:51 pm
@SC ~ nice number. And I played 829 today midday and eve.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:51 pm
Leggs, Eddie Long was a gentle teacher to them boys they said. Does he really care about them?
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
4:51 pm
Just means that I learned to stop hogging all the covers and not to sleep in the middle of the bed.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
4:53 pm
Sexy Cool, too bad that you are on the road to marriage now. I can’t joke the way I normally would. LOL
Exiled!
August 29th, 2011
4:55 pm
If u gone in there completely nekkid or barely,with no nikkas,then u my gal.
Coz it must just pop when ur skin touches mine.
And ladies,the biggest aphrodisiac is not to say ‘ No’ when in the cut.
‘no’ on my nerves!
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
4:56 pm
@PR ~ he cared to the point he got what he sought from them.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
5:12 pm
Just got back…good night!
When you’re all rirled up, don’t take your balls into your own hands go find a second time around born again virgin. It will feel like the first time.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
5:13 pm
It didn’t deserve bolding!!!
PEACE ~