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Abstinent? Clue your date in

It’s not the kind of thing you really want to talk about on the very first date. Your sexual activity..or lack thereof, shouldn’t be a focal point when you are just getting to know somebody. At least, that has always been my opinion.

My guy friend disagrees. He thinks before one date is planned, a guy deserves to know if he is interested in someone who is abstinent. Apparently, this would “change the game” and a lot of men should be able to make an informed decision.

I would argue, though, how much information should be shared that quickly? I mean, unless that is the only thing you are really interested in anyway?

Should you clue your date in about your celibacy? Is it anyone’s business if you are not in a relationship with them?

How do you tell someone you are abstaining? What do you say and when?

Should you be able to inquire about their sexual habits, i.e. the number of partners, etc.?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

252 comments Add your comment

czBrat

August 29th, 2011
3:14 pm

btw, leggs. colombiana was excellent!

Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB

August 29th, 2011
3:15 pm

Nah PR, never really had one hold back, its hard to hold back when me and the boys get to P#$$@town…we always showed up to show out…I have had one show me too much too soon…my freak-o-meter- went haywire..,I had thought she was such a sweetie…lol

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 29th, 2011
3:15 pm

Re: Leggs and “to masturbate or to not masturbate” question…I had a lady once show me her “toys”, including “the Rabbit”…that thing was scary. A lesbian I worked for once told me (not directly but in a conversation over dinner with several people) that men became obsolete with the invention of the shower massage. I was a bit discouraged.

Willie Dynamite

August 29th, 2011
3:17 pm

purp – to answer your question yes and no. Yes in that I had a friend-girl that everytime we hooked up her freakiness seemed to have grown considerably since the prvious encounter. No in the respect of not having been in a serious serious relationship with that type.

Exiled!

August 29th, 2011
3:17 pm

If I don’t have it,my body shivers.

So No,no voluntary abstinence here.

Why masturbate PR,when a human can afford u the same sin?

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 29th, 2011
3:22 pm

To WD question:

In *my* sample size, “celibate” was code for other things on a 60 percent average.

Leggs

August 29th, 2011
3:26 pm

@caB ~ I was waiting for another woman to answer PR. Oh, I had no doubt that movie would be off the chain. I’ve heard the fight scenes look very realistic. Love a woman who can kick a$$!!

@PR ~ I would like to think it would make a man feel good that as the relationship progressed so did her love making. Who wants to put all their skills in the first encounter. Always save a treat for later.

@RandyT ~ I’ve owned a rabbit and did enjoy it. I put that thing away years ago. And, for the woman who takes her toy over flesh, hardness, a pulse has become jaded and cold.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 29th, 2011
3:28 pm

I’m trying to remember if anyone has ever actually told me they were celibate although I know that it was the intention of some. I have seen that written in some of the profiles on eHarmony. I have had several that said they don’t rush into it and have a perhaps a 3 month minimum waiting period so to speak. It does seem that that tends to break down sooner though…just because chemsitry sets in.

Leggs

August 29th, 2011
3:29 pm

Why masturbate PR,when a human can afford u the same sin?

Because you can’t get with just anyone just because they’re human.

Leggs

August 29th, 2011
3:30 pm

@RandyT ~ perhaps it’s me, but I would never put the 3-month rule on an online profile.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 29th, 2011
3:32 pm

@ Leggs, sorry, I mispoke. I meant that some on line said in their profile they did not want sex before marriage. The three month rule was not written in a profile on line but told to me as their preference.

Fion

August 29th, 2011
3:34 pm

@ Willie D

Didn’t have time to answer you earlier, but the craziest thing a chick told me on being Celibate was that she was choosing that route in order to be a 2nd time Virgin. Yeah, you read that right. A 2nd time Virgin. Here’s the really Crazy part, she had 2-kids already.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 29th, 2011
3:34 pm

Purple I would be good if she held some things back.

Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB

August 29th, 2011
3:34 pm

Well since it came up, I was datin this chick and boy could she rock the mic, I mean she could really spit…lol. So one night she on the mic, and she grabs the rabbit puts it on the boys…that combination, good googly moo…It would be nice to hear her rhyme again!!!

Leggs

August 29th, 2011
3:35 pm

Gotcha, RandyT.

Exiled!

August 29th, 2011
3:35 pm

It’s not anyone if they want to go there with u willingly.

Like somebody here mentioned,not every woman out there is looking for marriage.

Some want meaningless sex,the same way madturbation is.

Only difference here is,at least u get to feel and taste some real azz,not some meaningless air pumping back and forth or some cold and hard steel pipe,like some females here subject themselves to. :lol: (not u Leggs) :lol:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 29th, 2011
3:36 pm

“Because you can’t get with just anyone just because they’re human”.

Leggs calm down now……LOL

Leggs

August 29th, 2011
3:36 pm

@Fion ~ you being a gentleman should have excused her talking like that. You should have known she simply didn’t take her medication that morning.

I am cracking up @ “would be nice tohear her rhyme again!” That was original.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 29th, 2011
3:37 pm

@ Leggs, re your comment on the toy and “hardenss and cold”, I have been told that the toys are not as effective if a woman has gotten used to a man that is actually pleasing her (as opposed to just poking her and assuming she is really getting it good). Recognizing the “O” isn’t as obvious as some men think it is (I mean the guys who “assume” their lady has it)…it takes perception to know what is feeling good and blowing the lady’s cork.

kimmie

August 29th, 2011
3:37 pm

Randyt – Even that is a bit much for an online profile. Nothing wrong with letting folks know that you are looking for someone special and long-term, but putting out there you what you won’t do before marriage is not allowing things to naturally take their course.

Leggs

August 29th, 2011
3:37 pm

@BF ~ I’m calm. Are you one of the pod people because I’m calm here! I’m just asking….

Leggs

August 29th, 2011
3:38 pm

@RandyT ~ your post is 100% on the mark! 100%

Celisea

August 29th, 2011
3:40 pm

Look, folks don’t walk around saying “I celibate.” Typically IMExperience, I’ll decline getting acquainted or getting to know someone or spending time. It’s not about going out or hanging and then BAM giving in. It’s moreso a respect for the process and what you hope to accomplish during that time. So, as I said earlier why even broach something you can’t fully submerge or be in….mind body and soul? Now if somone is persistant (cause that’s happened) and insistent on “just hamging out”….well then you gotta break out with it and put it on the table. Most times just the word celibate and the question posed if they’re willing to partake in your plight….oftentime get folks to push along. Sometimes though you get an over eagered, over zealous, over confident dude thinking he can get you to change your mind…lol

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 29th, 2011
3:41 pm

@ Kimmie…;-) I’m guessing their emails were not as profuse as they would have been if that line wasn’t there. Most that put that I think are trying to make it known they aren’t there to just “jump”. I know that I did not respond because that seemed to restrictive (okay there was one, but we never got around to going out).

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 29th, 2011
3:41 pm

What’s a pod person, you know I’m not that bright. Tell me this can be the second thing I learn today…..LOL

Celisea

August 29th, 2011
3:44 pm

Excuse my typos…I’m on my phone

kimmie

August 29th, 2011
3:44 pm

Exactly Randyt. In the process of weeding out they may have turned off some really nice guys. Restrictive indeed.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 29th, 2011
3:46 pm

@ Fion LMAO at the “second time virgin”. I have some t-shirts but don’t think I’ve run into one where it grew back.

Fion

August 29th, 2011
3:47 pm

@ Leggs
I had a few choice words for her. Don’t need to repeat it here, but that’s the damnest thing I’ve ever heard.

Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB

August 29th, 2011
3:47 pm

@Leggs, she almost got me to sign her, but there were more artists that I wanted to check out, might as well keep the theme going…But Ladies, you might want to give it a try during your next mic check if you have a rabbit already or comparable tool, he will really appreciate it!!!!

Purple Reign

August 29th, 2011
3:49 pm

My question was just that a question. I like it when a woman holds some back but I was not opposed to her showing her whole hand. I remember I thought this woman could not handle me or that she only liked soft gentle sex, after she knew I was her’s she really wore me out consisitently and let me do as I please…now 1 kid and a half later we are stiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllll together. LOL

Masterbation, I don’t care if folks do it or don’t do it. That’s their business, it is a lot safer than random sex and less straing on feelings and the heart.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 29th, 2011
3:49 pm

Fion she said a second time virgin, did not know you could be multiple virgins that’s a first I’ve ever heard. This has been a day of class for me I’m learning all kinds of things……LOL

Fion

August 29th, 2011
3:52 pm

@ Blackfoote
You and me both. Now this is her tellin’ me. They were teaching this mess at here Church.

Leggs

August 29th, 2011
3:54 pm

@BF ~ Are you telling me you’ve never seen the movie “The Invasion of the Body Snatchers?” They clone the human and become “pod people.”

@Fion ~ it was like she was a one-woman “girl scout” looking for her 2nd time virgin badge. She was proud to sew that onto her sash.

kimmie

August 29th, 2011
3:57 pm

Leggs – I have a friend that goes to EL’s church and remember her telling me about him preaching something like that, about becoming a virgin again. In fact, she said he declared all that were there “virgins again”.

Purple Reign

August 29th, 2011
3:58 pm

kimmie, for some reason I think he was preaching to the teenage boys on that one

Leggs

August 29th, 2011
3:58 pm

Do you think people really believe they’re born again virgins?

Once the hymen is broken it will not grow back acting like it was never torn. Broke is broke! It will tighten up, but it won’t grow back to a virgin hymen (lol).

Fion

August 29th, 2011
3:58 pm

@ Leggs

and that was the sad part to me. You could tell her Church had pumped her up with this non-sense and she felt properly armed to enter the dating World. Just all messed upped.

kimmie

August 29th, 2011
3:58 pm

Purple – LOL!!!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 29th, 2011
3:58 pm

Shoot Leggs I didn’t think of that show. My mind slower than molasses some times…..LOL

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 29th, 2011
4:01 pm

LOL……y’all cracking me up.

Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB

August 29th, 2011
4:04 pm

Ya’ll know that’s impossible literally, but when people rededicate to Christ and are Born Again through Baptism, much is supposed to change, and if that lustfulness leaves with that old spirit and they consider themselves 2nd go around Virgins, its cool to me…as long everyone is always “true to thine own self”.

Purple Reign

August 29th, 2011
4:04 pm

Leggs, on True Blood this one chick was made a vampire while she was a virgin so everytime she has sex her hymen grows right back…that sucks for her because everytime is like the first time and it hurts..but for the guys she is sleeping with it’s great he gets the tightness of a virgin but the experience of a slut. LOL

Leggs

August 29th, 2011
4:07 pm

Then every time is not like the first time, PR. It may “feel” like the first time, but the skill set has changed so it’s not like the first time every time.

I got what you’re saying, just playing with the words.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 29th, 2011
4:09 pm

I tried abstinence once. It was the worst 4 hours of my ife.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 29th, 2011
4:09 pm

Okay, that may have been a bit of fabrication.

Exiled!

August 29th, 2011
4:11 pm

@Jake!

I think u right but that walk has to be walked with a man of the same persuasion.

Purple Reign

August 29th, 2011
4:12 pm

LOL Leggs, her body it’s the first time but her mine craves it. Honestly I would never want to sleep with a virgin when I was single, seems like it would be aggravating. Should I feel bad that the I have never had a virgin before? Has everyone else here had a virgin?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 29th, 2011
4:13 pm

RandyT 4 hours I know it’s tough going half a work day without it…….LOL

DreamsMaterialize

August 29th, 2011
4:14 pm

Hey Folks

Why the fuss about what can or can’t be discussed on a first date? You can talk about ANYTHING you want on a first date. Two mature individuals can do that without any issues. Tactfully, respectfully, maturely offering a topic for discussion on the first date isn’t indicative of some character defect, but being unable to discuss such things may be.