Abstinent? Clue your date in
It’s not the kind of thing you really want to talk about on the very first date. Your sexual activity..or lack thereof, shouldn’t be a focal point when you are just getting to know somebody. At least, that has always been my opinion.
My guy friend disagrees. He thinks before one date is planned, a guy deserves to know if he is interested in someone who is abstinent. Apparently, this would “change the game” and a lot of men should be able to make an informed decision.
I would argue, though, how much information should be shared that quickly? I mean, unless that is the only thing you are really interested in anyway?
Should you clue your date in about your celibacy? Is it anyone’s business if you are not in a relationship with them?
How do you tell someone you are abstaining? What do you say and when?
Should you be able to inquire about their sexual habits, i.e. the number of partners, etc.?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
252 comments Add your comment
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
11:25 am
Sassy – don’t it feel good having a “grown folks” relationship?
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
11:27 am
Sassy – Cool!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
11:33 am
Health and LOL…..carpet munching, finances, and other issues can easily be addressed if you are starting feel each other out.
Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)
August 29th, 2011
11:37 am
@ SexyCool..YES it does
Thanks Purp/Kimmie!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
11:39 am
Carpet munching…..LOL
I learn so much right here.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
11:44 am
Sassy Me:
Good for you and Mr. Bermuda, hope y’all make it well.
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
11:51 am
If I was on a first date with a woman and she blurted out that she was abstinent I would think she would be easier to get in bed than a woman who was not “abstinent” lol
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
11:52 am
Excuse me ma’am can we have sex while I get to know you better?
For Real
August 29th, 2011
11:53 am
What up Blog Fam!!
If you are abstinent you should say that on the first date. Not revealing that big piece of info is SELFISH and it takes away the other person’s choice. If you are the person you claim to be, then why can’t you rest on who you? Why the games?
Congrats Dan!!!!
For Real now pouring out the bottle of water he got from Dan’s wedding.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
11:54 am
Why you pouring it out ForReal? Did you taste it and realize it wasn’t vodka?
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
11:55 am
@SassyM ~ there you go chica, in it to win it. Wish you two the best and longevity.
For Real
August 29th, 2011
11:57 am
Leggs: That too but I didn’t want any married coodies in my body either.
For Real now wondering if any of the 37 deviled eggs he ate had any marriage coodies in them.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
11:57 am
LOL
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
12:02 pm
Yes lady, you said you’re abstinent good now we can go carpet munching.
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
12:05 pm
Will and Jada orchestrated Beyonce’s pregnancy to keep folks out of their business. (lol)
Like I said earlier, officially stanning for Bey.
Loved how the announcement was made!
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
12:05 pm
Funny how a lot of abstinent folks will still do oral. LOL
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
12:06 pm
That’s going to be an ugly baby and Beyonce is about to blow up in size.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
12:06 pm
@ForReal ~ too funny!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
12:07 pm
LOL…..@Purple
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
12:07 pm
Due to Usain Bolt’s disqualification in the finals, I am pretty certain that the “one and done” rule on false starts is done.
czBrat
August 29th, 2011
12:12 pm
That’s going to be an ugly baby and Beyonce is about to blow up in size.
sad but quite possibly true.
Due to Usain Bolt’s disqualification in the finals, I am pretty certain that the “one and done” rule on false starts is done.
perhaps, but it’s already done the sport a favor as far as i’m concerned. yes. i’m hating.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
12:12 pm
@BF and any other man that cares to answer. Would you really still carpet munch once she told you she was abstinent? If so, you need to run, because she’s lying to you and to herself? Run from anyone who thinks abstinence is “some of this,” none of that.”
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
12:13 pm
Usaine is insane!
Mr_NYC
August 29th, 2011
12:15 pm
@Leggs – no and heck naw, and you’re right, she’s practicing self-deception and trying to mind-meld some dude into her alternate reality.
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
12:18 pm
Gaga is on something. I appreciate all the folks who love her creativity. But yeah…no…that chick is just weird.
I wish entertainers would return to focusing on their music.
Katy Perry – no, no and no.
Nicki Minaj – you need yo entire ass whupped.
All of these shenanigans scream, “Look at me, I’m so insecure. I’m trying to be relevant for longer than 15 seconds.”
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
12:19 pm
Me, Myself and Irene kicked some East Coast ass this weekend.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
August 29th, 2011
12:20 pm
@For Real, Brat – preciate it.
@Leggs, if he was at my wedding, there’s a 90% chance that any clear liquid was vodka, and 95% chance that it was in my orbit.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 29th, 2011
12:20 pm
Leggs I would find it selfish that she would want that and not the other. I’ll go on about my way.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
August 29th, 2011
12:25 pm
@Sassy
Here’s hoping you’ve found someone to share your life with.
Mazel Tov and L’Chayim
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
12:28 pm
I have to agree on your assessment of KPerry. Althought GaGa is weird, and looked weird, I bet that was one of her more comfortable outfits. Her mouth started quivering almost locking up. Anyone notice that? Joe might have come off a little better if he didn’t have those weird eyes.
@BF ~ I would fault her for being selfish, but after letting him do that, I would kick dude to the curb for being so gullible and stupid.
Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB
August 29th, 2011
12:29 pm
What up folks…no one should tell that they are abstinent on the 1st date, it will come up at some point if there is a connection, and if someone is truly abstaining, the choice will eventually need to be made, and enjoying someone’s company up to that time is no waste…Just know that if you are the abstainer, you need to search for virgins because once people start having sex, they are never the same, and not likely going to be able to handle a committed non-sexual relationship
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
12:35 pm
I don’t know why but that whole singing and dancing thing rubs me the wrong way for some reason. I can’t exactly describe it but it bothers me…that whole system does.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
12:35 pm
Never heard the song Bey sang, but I really liked it.
The award for this year’s artist trying to hard goes to….drum roll…..Nicki Minaj…what a hot, cover your eyes and look through your fingers mess that was. Then take away from your eys and cover your mouth stifling WTF????
BlackMagicWoman...in NYC
August 29th, 2011
12:37 pm
Well I am celibate and happy with my choice. It helps you to make clearer decisions without the cloud of lust. You can see if that guy really likes you or if he is some little boy in a man’s body still on the Booty Prowl! That is why I tell a guy that I doj’t do private quarters. Because for some reason a little signal goes off in their head that you want to get busy, verses just spending quiet time getting to know each other. I feel like I want to go back to the days when chaperones accompanied you on dates!
When I meet a guy and if he starts talking sex with me and we have not gone thar route, I know what they want and they get the boot. I have called them out on it. And these were men of different ages, races and backgrounds. I had one tell me that he is a flirt…and how can he flirt without the mention of sex. Well I had to let him know that he is conversationally inept if his wack game is so limited that he can not think of other ways of flirting. And this was no spring chickem. I tried giving the “Older man” a try. Yeah….I see that makes no difference.
On another note…..I have always said that I hope Beyonce’s genes kick in..because their features do NOT match! God be with that kid. On a good foot, it will be rich! Money makes a lot of things more attractive!
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
12:40 pm
BMW, how long have you been celibate? I think one need to be celibate for atleast a year before they are claiming celibacy. I mean I have been celibate since last friday….don’t know how long I till be celibate though. LOL
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
12:41 pm
Money makes celibacy a less attractive thing to do too. LOL
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
12:41 pm
4 Real – Did you see Breaking Bad? I tell you, I am on pins and needles the entire time I watch that show! I am always just waiting on something to pop off!!!
Confirmed Bachelor
August 29th, 2011
12:42 pm
I have better things to think about.
czBrat
August 29th, 2011
12:44 pm
jake, i get what you’re saying but it’s not always the case. to BMWs point, she made the choice to re-group and re-focus. that doesn’t mean she has NO chance with an active man. he may very well be looking for an opportunity to re-focus himself. she might bring a perspective he had not really thought of (or committed to), and if he’s feeling her in every way, he may very well welcome the chance to abstain while pursuing something meaningful.
it could happen.
SexyCool
August 29th, 2011
12:47 pm
Oh…but a word about JayZ – dude, you are 41 years old, somebody’s husband and about to be somebody’s daddy, pull yo’ damn pants up!!! Sheesh…
kimmie
August 29th, 2011
12:56 pm
I can’t wait to watch Fashion Police! To be honest, I give everyone in the entertainment industry, especially the musicians, some slack when it comes to attire. They are expected to dress “creative”. They are not bankers and social workers or lawyers. The crazy get-ups are a part of the package. If they all showed up to the Grammy’s or the VMA’s looking like their going to church, it would not be as much fun! Life would be so dull if we all wore the “required uniform” like cookie-cutters.
I love it all! I crack up to see what they are going to show up in next!
BlackMagicWoman...in NYC
August 29th, 2011
12:56 pm
PURPLE….I have been celibate since last year…so yes! And it has helped me to weed out “horn-Dogs” with bad intentions!
CZBrat…thank you very much. You understand my position…and that position is not under, on top of or on my knees in front of a man!
Purple Reign
August 29th, 2011
1:01 pm
BMW, well I know I am not the largest man in the world but I don’t think that I am so small that you still are qualified as celibate. You care nothing about my feelings. LOL
czBrat
August 29th, 2011
1:03 pm
CZBrat…thank you very much. You understand my position…and that position is not under, on top of or on my knees in front of a man
go’on chica! guard your treasure. your mr. right will appreciate it.
Leggs
August 29th, 2011
1:23 pm
@BMW ~ you know I know. My stance is the same as yours. I refuse to be under, on tope or on my knees for anyone who doesn’t care to get to know me, be in a relationship with me, etc. Getting d….is no problem. Getting a good, quality, a man of substance is another story all together! That goes back to my song at the top of the hour. Too many of those walking around. In the meantime, I’m good with my legs closed. My head is clear and I know what I won’t tolerate.
Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB
August 29th, 2011
1:34 pm
@Brat and BMW…I didn’t say its impossible, its just not likely, and just because a man wants to have a sexual encounter with a woman does not make him a “horn dog” or some kind of “little boy just interested in nuttin”….how about we remember that your choice does remove another person’s choice away.
Sex is a wonderful experience that some of us enjoy sharing…its the most natural thing you will ever do outside of breathing, eating, and sleeping….when you begin, you don’t need instructions, you come in the world with the equipment, and you can do it by yourself if necessary; which brings me to my next question.
To the celibaters, are you mastuabating?..cause if you are, you cheatin!!!
Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB
August 29th, 2011
1:35 pm
does not
BlackMagicWoman...in NYC
August 29th, 2011
1:36 pm
PR….you are a fool! You know that?
” Getting d….is no problem. Getting a good, quality, a man of substance is another story all together! ”
LEGGS…say it again! AMEN!
Celisea
August 29th, 2011
1:37 pm
Afternoon all,
Nice post Sassy…..my sentiments exactly. If I know for certain abstinence is the order at or during that time, more than likely it’s a no go….no dating. Mainly because it’s something…for me….that just “happens.” Not calculated, not pinned not penciled in but when the time is right. Have a clear understanding that intimacy is the result being on the same page, heading in the same direction.
If I’m asked about intimacy more than likely I would take that to be an only or likely motive. I’m use to being intimate ahead of intimacy and under that circumstance more likely to be yeilding in that case.
SlimNu
August 29th, 2011
1:38 pm
When I wasn’t getting any D, I got to know myself a little better. lol