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Dating: Culture clash or match?

A lot of people that I know like to date people who are most compatible with them. Whether it is socioeconomic class, race, or even culture. Culture can be especially tricky in the African American community. Well, technically I can only attest to the African American culture personally, but still.

It was a totally different experience dating a guy who came from money (aka silver spoons) and dating someone who grew up extremely poor. Although I shared common ground with both, the dynamics were definitely different. Not saying good or bad, just…different.

Silver spoons and I clashed on politics, while the guy who grew up poor thought I was way over the top with how I lived (i.e. we had different lifestyles, tastes, etc.)

When it comes to dating, are you comfortable exploring a relationship with someone who has a different culture than you?

How would you handle the “clashes” that may come when there are different socioeconomic classes involved?

How important do you think it is when considering a long term relationship? Does it make it easier when you both have the exact same background?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

205 comments Add your comment

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

August 25th, 2011
11:24 am

Seems to me that the two biggest culture clashes — and the two probably most difficult to overcome — are money and religion. I’ve pretty much done the U.N. dating tour, but despite all the other cultural differences, they’ve all come from relatively similar socio-economic backgrounds and had similar views on religion. The types of differences I’ve encountered are not so much things to overcome, but rather differences that can be embraced and appreciated.

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

August 25th, 2011
11:33 am

“As a man of color who happens to have dated a number of women outside of my race, the biggest issue I have found is that she better have a thick skin because sisters will give her (and me) the BLUES about dating one of thier successful brothers….”

Casual — It works the other way, too. I get all kinds of looks when dudes see me with Mrs. Swiss. Of course, I don’t know how much of that has to do with race and how much of it is just “D@MN, she’s FINE! How’d he manage THAT?” :lol:

Reio

August 25th, 2011
11:34 am

@ casual Observer – This is somewhat related to the topic(loosely). Remember the Kobe Bryant tryst in the hotel in Colorado? Well, my sister and I were talking about it at the time, and she said that this woman did not get raped, she just wanted to get busy with Kobe and maybe get paid to boot. She also said that it was obvious that this chic did not have any black girlfriends. I asked why, she said, “Had she had any black girlfriends, she would have known that you can’t just plop down on anything and expect not to get hurt(doctors said her injuries down there were consistent with rape). she would have learned that from her black girlfriends before hand, during casual girlie conversations over the years”

Celisea

August 25th, 2011
11:42 am

and she said that this woman did not get raped, she just wanted to get busy with Kobe and maybe get paid to boot.

I think most of America or at least Black America sort of assumed this. I could be wrong in speaking for the masses but at least it was obvious to me.

that you can’t just plop down on anything and expect not to get hurt(doctors said her injuries down there were consistent with rape). she would have learned that from her black girlfriends before hand, during casual girlie conversations over the years”

Huh? Plop down? I would think plopping down on anything, no matter the color might be painful. If I’m understanding what you are referring to. Of course I don’t know about that…no backdoor plopping for me…lol

UGA 1999

August 25th, 2011
11:43 am

Celisea….I actually know the attorney firm that handled Kobe’s case. I honestly have some of the details that never came out.

UGA 1999

August 25th, 2011
11:44 am

Celisea….BTW where is “Black America” located?

SlimNu

August 25th, 2011
11:44 am

Reio – Are you saying AA dudes have a rep for beating the p uddy up?

SlimNu

August 25th, 2011
11:44 am

1999 – Do you plan on sharing some of the undisclosed details of the case with us?

SexyCool

August 25th, 2011
11:45 am

“it was obvious that this chic did not have any black girlfriends.”

It probably never crossed her mind to have any and quite possibly she lived in an environment where those kinds of friendships were not accessible.

Super 8

August 25th, 2011
11:45 am

that’s why Kobe called himself the Black Mamba, you get hurt messin with the Mamba!

UGA 1999

August 25th, 2011
11:46 am

SlimNu……From what I was told this is the gest if what happened…..

The girl did consent to sex. And they had vaginal sex. However when Kobe wanted to use the “back door” she said “No”. That is when he forced it on her.

Reio

August 25th, 2011
11:48 am

Celisea – I believe that she was refering to the fact that this woman may not have been with a man with similar equipment as Kobe, and she probably would have known to take it slow and easy in the beginning, from years of casual girlie conversations with these black girlfriend(s).

Black Mamba

August 25th, 2011
11:48 am

I had to give her more than what she asked for…like Duh
She’ll remember the Mamba!

Reio

August 25th, 2011
11:50 am

SlimNu – Yes.

SexyCool

August 25th, 2011
11:56 am

How do you know what Kobe’s equipment size is? Is there an Equipment Size Report out that I’m not aware of?

Celisea

August 25th, 2011
11:56 am

Reio – I believe that she was refering to the fact that this woman may not have been with a man with similar equipment as Kobe, and she probably would have known to take it slow and easy in the beginning, from years of casual girlie conversations with these black girlfriend(s).

That’s still not adding up. I don’t know too many women that shut their eyes before engaging and if I see a 10 foot snake coming at me, ummm, well…..

UGA 1999

August 25th, 2011
11:58 am

Celisea….”ummm” well?

Celisea

August 25th, 2011
11:59 am

Reio – IMO, she was an opportunist and thought she was gonna cash in. If she wasn’t a virgin, then plopping or not, she wasn’t surprised…no matter how big. If she wasn’t a virgin the she should have known to take it slow or what she could handled. But all of that is a nonfactor. That chick was looking to cash in or else…. And that’s where he was stupid.

Beatrix Kiddo

August 25th, 2011
12:00 pm

Why? Did you want to schedule a field trip?

Leggs

August 25th, 2011
12:01 pm

I have a man outside of race asking me out to dinner. I’m going to go. It’s good meeting people of all walks of life. You never know who you will connect with. No need to remain pigeon holed throughout the rest of my life! Exploration breeds spice to one’s life.

SexyCool

August 25th, 2011
12:01 pm

Leggs – enjoy.

Reio

August 25th, 2011
12:02 pm

Well, to all of you, those were my sister’s words, not mine. She called me one day during all of this, to ask a question about cub scouts. Her son,my nephew, wanted to become a cub scout and she remembered that I was one years ago, and called to get some input. The conversation morphed into Kobe, and thats what she said. I remember it because I thougt it was funny at the time. Still do.

Celisea

August 25th, 2011
12:06 pm

Leggs – I dunno, I would date a dude outside my race….I think :)

Reio

August 25th, 2011
12:08 pm

Celisea – You never know. Can’t hurt.

Leggs

August 25th, 2011
12:10 pm

@Celisea ~ I feel the same way… I too “think?” Well, I’m going to stop thinking and see if I can/interested.

Casual Observer

August 25th, 2011
12:10 pm

It does not matter if she was gold digging or not, Kobe was soooooo out of line….First of all, he should not have been creeping…Secondly, if he was gonna creep, it should have been with someone that has as much to loose as he does…Third, if she says the back door is out of bounds, then THE BACK DOOR IS OUT OF BOUNDS!!!! The chapter in the players handbook is quite clear on this….

Celisea

August 25th, 2011
12:11 pm

Reio – Let me guess…..

At least I figured from your post

Reio

August 25th, 2011
12:11 pm

Leggs – Go ahead. Try it.

Celisea

August 25th, 2011
12:12 pm

Casual Observer – We agree whole heartedly. If he hadn’t been cheating then he wouldn’t have stumbled across an opportunist. Like I said, that’s where he’s stupid.

Leggs

August 25th, 2011
12:28 pm

With your endorsement Reio, I will (lol).

Purple Reign

August 25th, 2011
12:32 pm

When dating she just has to be family oriented, love the Lord, in shape/healthy and easy on the eyes. I don’t care about her race or social status. I am thankful for my upbringing. People are people in my world.

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

August 25th, 2011
12:34 pm

Ironically, I think the fact that I grew up in such a backwards, rural, redneck town conditioned me to want to be exposed to different people & cultures. Rather than turning into the people around me, I recognized them for the narrow-minded, sh!t-kicking, culturally (and literally) illiterate f#cks that they were (and are, mostly). (Can you tell I’m not a fan of my home town?) :lol: Thankfully, we always had exchange students… :lol:

SexyCool

August 25th, 2011
12:36 pm

Purp – I had been side eyeing you because I thought you didn’t respond to my email the other week. I was just clearing out my in box and saw that you did respond. (Sometimes, when I have more than one email come in on my phone, some of them get marked as read before I even see them.)

Side-eyeing ceased. (lol)

kimmie

August 25th, 2011
12:37 pm

Just read a funny. Tim Cook, the guy that’s taking over for Steve Jobs at Apple, was spotting in a mall yesterday buying black turtlenecks.

Purple Reign

August 25th, 2011
12:41 pm

Sexy Cool, I was wondering what that glaring look was for :) Glad you found my response and thanks for checking on me lol. How have your workouts been?

SlimNu

August 25th, 2011
12:44 pm

People are people in my world

Dat’s wut i’m tombout!

Purple Reign

August 25th, 2011
12:44 pm

Randyt, I can understand that. Being non white land owners brought a lot of stares our way growing up, and let me tell you I remember some stuff. But being that my family ran foster homes as well exposed me to tons at an early age and let me know people are just people. We had all races of kids come stay with us whose parents had all sorts of problems. People are people.

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

August 25th, 2011
12:46 pm

Mike P

August 25th, 2011
12:47 pm

I have dated women from different cultures…

let me tell you… Asian women who have weren’t too Americanized treated me very well. But the Asian women who behaved like they’re from America or worse “the ghettos” were the worst I’ve experienced.

I have no complaints with African, Middle Eastern, and Eastern European Women.
Jamaican women were cool to me too :)

Too bad I’m not treated well by American women, but I haven’t given up hope yet.

SexyCool

August 25th, 2011
12:47 pm

I’ve managed to be consistent, barely. My energy is off this week. So, it’s been a struggle for me to just get up and move. This morning was more of a stroll than anything else. But hey, at least we moved.

Purple Reign

August 25th, 2011
12:54 pm

SexyCool, I have not ran in over a week but I have been getting a physical workout. My next run is down there in Atlanta first Sunday in October. I am looking forward to coming down there. How’s the wedding planning and the puppy doing?

Swiss, did you just link some Depeche Mode? LOL

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

August 25th, 2011
12:55 pm

“Swiss, did you just link some Depeche Mode? LOL”

Purple — Just wanted to remind everyone that I’m a whiteboy. I figured that would do the trick. :lol:

SlimNu

August 25th, 2011
12:57 pm

For those that are running: Is it normal for your hips or more like the area where your leg connects to the hip area to be sore when just getting in the groove of running/working out??? I’ve noticed this the last two times I’ve ran, with this morning being one of them.

SexyCool

August 25th, 2011
12:57 pm

I know a lot of members of my running group will be out in force.

Wedding – waiting on Park events coordinator to return my call/email. But still 372 days out, so not stressed at all. We have an engagement shoot coming up in a few weeks.

Puppy – I will be so glad when her heat is over. I am truly tired of looking at her girl parl.

Purple Reign

August 25th, 2011
12:59 pm

Slim you are running wrong, given your build. Do you stretch before and after you run?

Swiss, no doubt. I am going to start calling you lilly. LOL

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

August 25th, 2011
12:59 pm

SlimNu — You need to stretch.

Into the Light

August 25th, 2011
1:02 pm

Afternoon, all.

People are people. Right on, Purp!

People are people so why should it be…that you and I should get along so awfully….so we’re different colors and we’re different creeds….and different people have different needs…..I can’t understand what makes a man hate another man….help me understand….
Musical interlude courtesy of Depeche Mode

Into the Light

August 25th, 2011
1:04 pm

Dang! Posted and went back to read and saw Swiss’s link. :) Great minds think alike, huh Swiss?

Purple Reign

August 25th, 2011
1:13 pm

Sexy Cool, you are part of a running group? That’s cool.

LOL, get that puppy fixed

SexyCool

August 25th, 2011
1:19 pm

We had an appointment to get her fixed for July 18th, but the clinic screwed up processing our deposit. So, then, we had it rescheduled for this past Monday, but couldn’t because she is in the middle of her heat. Now, we have it scheduled for September 19th.

(Got my fingers crossed.)