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First Dates: Clothes and Conversations

One of my guy friends had a first date with a young lady last weekend. He met her at a religious function so he was a bit taken aback at how she was when they went out. Apparently, she was dressed provocatively, something he thought inappropriate for someone her age (ouch?), especially on a first date.

He went on describe the way she used profanity, made several sexual remarks, and pretty much made him blush. Admittedly, my friend is super conservative and in my opinion high strung. However, the fact that he expected someone he met at a religious function to behave in a certain way, isn’t completely unreasonable. At the same time, are first date impressions reliable?

I do have to wonder, though, if we often meet people and have some preconceived ideas of how they should act or behave. Was the young lady projecting one image, yet behaved in a way that contradicted that? Perhaps, she was. However, should she get ruled out by the first date clothes and conversation?

Do you think we should judge a book by its cover and the first few pages of the book? If you were bothered the way someone behaved on the first date, do you grant a second one?

Do you ever think about the way dress on a first date? Are you careful about what you discuss or talk about?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

265 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize

August 24th, 2011
7:58 am

So is she supposed to dress like Little House on the Prairie just because she goes to church? I don’t think she’s being misleading. Your attire changes based on the occasion. The way you dress for church is often different than how you dress for a date. I think Wise’s friend is the one with the hang-up. He’s projecting his own limited idea of “church girl” onto her. He should do her a favor and cut her loose.

joe

August 24th, 2011
8:09 am

Sounds like the real question here is if the girl is just going to church to self-cleanse her non-church lifestyle/image? I’m just sayin’…

dyslexicbunny

August 24th, 2011
8:13 am

Her age? Unless she’s a child, she’s more than welcome to dress how she wants. And church isn’t quite what it used to be anymore. Your friend is the problem. Have him send her my way. She sounds interesting.

As for your first date questions, I’m a donkey most of the time. I haven’t dated in years – not worth it trying to pretend I’m not.

Into the Light

August 24th, 2011
8:31 am

Good morning, all.

Maybe Wise’s friend is a little “high strung” and what he thought was provacative, the girl thought was sexy. But the real issue for me is not the clothes, it’s the conversation. I know a lot of bloggers will disagree with me, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect someone you meet at church to conduct themselves a certain way (i.e. not cursing like a sailor and finding sexual innuendo in every statement). And I’d imagine she was just as disappointed and probably went home and told her girlfriends he was stuffy and uptight.

If I were either one of them, I’d make this first date the last.

Leggs

August 24th, 2011
8:43 am

Good morning.

He’s somewhat at fault to think because he met someone at a church function she’s a prude and dresses like a nun. Nothing wrong with him being turned off because of the cussing, but like ITL says, what he thought was provocative may have been sexy in her eyes. However, pretty sure she spoke with him enough before he asked her out to gauge his staunciness, his ultra conservative mindset, etc.

Leggs

August 24th, 2011
9:01 am

Oh, sexual remarks should not be made on a first date. JMO

Yes, I’m concerned about how I dress on a first date. I dress for myself, the tone of the evening, and venue. Don’t want to wear spike heels to a picnic.

"and pretty much made him blush"...

August 24th, 2011
9:06 am

…things that make you go “huh”…how can you tell when a black man/woman is blushing?

Leggs

August 24th, 2011
9:09 am

We may not turn “red” in the face, but you can tell when we are blushing. The shyness comes across in the eyes, we hem and haw, you can feel the uncomfortableness. Blushing doesn’t necessarily rests on one’s face turning red!!!

Harder...please.

August 24th, 2011
9:17 am

Every time I leave my house, I want to look impeccable. Even if I’m going to the grocery store for milk. That doesn’t mean always wearing expensive clothes, either.

Also, I’ve got one word for ANYONE who uses profanity on a first date: Classless.

Casual Observer

August 24th, 2011
9:24 am

Morning folks…

Ok now, we all know that the church is chocked full of people living double lives…Plenty of first pew women doing the “Wobble” and adding their own little freak moves at Compound on Saturday night,……The fact that he is claiming to be surprised is …well…… Funny to me……

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 24th, 2011
9:32 am

My closest friend joined a group called “Equally Yoked”…a dating service where Christian singles met and dated other Christian singles who took their religion very seriously. He started dating this lady who had more curves than that highway in California running along the coast. The first evening out she wanted to play some “dirty word” game. The second night out, she goes into the bedroom and comes out with an outfit on that would make dancer at the Gold Club proud. From the first date it was not “if” but “when” and how freaky.

His take was that no matter what the venue, crazies find their way in. Not all, but you will run into some.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 24th, 2011
9:37 am

At the end of the day, dating is a screening process…we look, evaluate, and decide. For a man though, sometimes the difficult part is when the lady wants to right then, and you are stuck with the dilemma of, “I’m not exactly ready for this, but I don’t want her to think I’m light in the sandals”.

Casual Observer

August 24th, 2011
9:44 am

Soooooo Randy, tell us more about this “Equally Stroked” group…..

Mr_NYC

August 24th, 2011
9:53 am

Not sure what the issue is — proper attire for the occasion.
On the church note – have you seen how some of the churched up gospel singing women dress. Ok then.
IMHO, some of the most sexually open down for the get down women I’ve met online had profiles that started with how much they love the Lord etc.
Yes, they need to be as equally stroked as the next woman.

Leggs

August 24th, 2011
9:59 am

@NYC ~ I can’t imagine being on an online dating service stating up front “I love the Lord,” unless I am strictly on a Christian dating site.

Leggs

August 24th, 2011
10:03 am

Why is it that we’ve come to the point where some do not know how to dress on a first date. What happened to simply dressing respectful. No booty shorts, no low cleavage blouses, no heavy makeup and for the love of everything sacred NO BLUE EYE SHADOW!

czBrat

August 24th, 2011
10:05 am

HiYas!

i set my expectations on how one dresses and behaves based more on age than how or where we met. i would just find it tacky for a 40-50 something to overexpose themselves and use explicit language. those habits are best left behind in our 20s.

having said that you should most certainly expect to find some crude, freaky folk at church. as much as any club, really.

Mr_NYC

August 24th, 2011
10:05 am

@Leggs – for real on BPM and BS, 7 out of 10 start with that refrain. And then with their uptight demand that any fella even saying hello must love the Lord and be ready to escort her to the chosen place of worship and regularly attend services.
Now here’s the kicker — wait for it — moving onto the profile photos which show same said woman stretched out provocatively in various poses in the bedroom, leaning over counters, and pushing up against the walls with the come get me look.
Well the good book does say that you should render the marital due LOL
She be ready.

SlimUno

August 24th, 2011
10:06 am

Excessive profanity on date one or date 30 is a turn off to me. There’s a customer that comes every week and every 3rd word is a curse word.

Mr_NYC

August 24th, 2011
10:07 am

And for that matter, if you are on a Christian dating site, then it should go without saying that you love the Lord.

Into the Light

August 24th, 2011
10:08 am

Blue eye shadow! That made me LOL. I remember when blue mascara was all the rage….Of course, we were also using phrases like, “Like, totally!” and “Grody to the max!”

Yes (head hung low), I went through the valley girl phase…..

Leggs

August 24th, 2011
10:11 am

Unreal, NYC. I would never post pics like that on a dating profile. Don’t these women realize that when a man sees pics like that, he believes she’s saying I want you to do me ASAP. Sheesh. Now, that’s crude and rude and lessens her chances of being taken seriously.

TenderRoni

August 24th, 2011
10:14 am

I know plenty of men and women that act one way on “Sunday”, but come Monday- Saturday it’s anything goes.
I think for this situation, it just wasn’t a match. I mean did they not talk to each other before the date, they being surprised about convo I don’t get.

Into the Light

August 24th, 2011
10:15 am

Excessive profanity on date one or date 30 is a turn off to me

Worth repeating…..

Leggs

August 24th, 2011
10:15 am

Never heard “Grody to the max!” What does that mean?

@NYC ~ you would think that. Also men and women both can frequent Christian dating sites looking for that wolf in sheep cloth.

Purple Reign

August 24th, 2011
10:15 am

If I am dressed like a cop you are going to think I’m a cop. If you are dressed like a whore I am going to think you are a whore. Seriously though just because a person wears certain clothes does not mean that they are what YOU think they are. You are just assuming what YOU would be if YOU wore something like that. LOL

Leggs

August 24th, 2011
10:17 am

@TenderRoni ~ I said the same about talking with each other BEFORE the first date. Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm…..

Purple Reign

August 24th, 2011
10:19 am

If you are at Church during normal service and paying attention to the people instead of the sermon, you might want to change your focus. But some people want to interpret the whole “come as you are” to their own standard. Who am I to judge….lol If I see a nice shape or some nice tittay’s in church I just thank the Lord for his wonderful creations. LOL

Into the Light

August 24th, 2011
10:19 am

LOL. It means really gross, Leggs. :) What can I say? I was a child of the 80’s….

Speaking of generations gone by, did y’all see the Old Navy commercial for “flares”??? They can call them flares, but some of them were bell bottoms!

Mr_NYC

August 24th, 2011
10:20 am

What’s good Purp — hey you see that on a Dave Chapelle skit.
He goes up to scantily clad chick and she says just because I’m dressed this way don’t mean I a ho. So he says if you are being robbed and I have a cop uniform on I might say to you just because I’m dressed this way don’t mean I’m a cop. So he tells chick, you may not be a ho, but you sure are wearing a ho’s uniform.

czBrat

August 24th, 2011
10:21 am

ITL, i did the blue (and hot pink) eyeshadows in my day. luved it! always reminds me of WHAM!

Purple Reign

August 24th, 2011
10:21 am

LOL@Grody to the Max. I haven’t heard that in a longtime.

Purple Reign

August 24th, 2011
10:21 am

Mr_NYC, LOL yes I saw it. LOL

Purple Reign

August 24th, 2011
10:23 am

I am a firm believer that if someone works out hard and maintains a good shape there is nothing wrong with showing it off. LOL

Purple Reign

August 24th, 2011
10:24 am

Like Proffessor Klump when he lost that weight…SPANDEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Into the Light

August 24th, 2011
10:24 am

Wake me up, before you go go…… :)

czB, did you have one of those shirts that said, “Frankie say relax” in big letters????

Yeah, Purp, that was “back in the day”…..

Purple Reign

August 24th, 2011
10:26 am

Always be yourself, unless you can be a penguin. Then always be a penguin.

Into the Light

August 24th, 2011
10:27 am

Purp, that made me giggle. I don’t think I want to be a penguin, though…not a fan of cold water.

Leggs

August 24th, 2011
10:32 am

Got to go get dress. Hope all of you enjoy the rest of the day. If I try to blog while curling my hair, pretty sure I’ll wind up with a burn on my forehead or my ears.

Ciao bella!

Purple Reign

August 24th, 2011
10:35 am

ITL, there are warm water penguins.

Leggs, where are you going?

Into the Light

August 24th, 2011
10:37 am

pretty sure I’ll wind up with a burn on my forehead or my ears.

Any of the blog ladies ever try to use the “i burned myself with the curling iron” excuse for a hickey/passion mark? I had a friend in HS that used to try that one on her mom…yeah, didn’t work.

Into the Light

August 24th, 2011
10:40 am

Hmmmm, if I can be a warm water penguin with a little sashay instead of that unfortunate waddle, I might consider it…. ;)
I am in such a silly mood this morning. And czB, you have Wham stuck in my head. Thanks, girl!! :)

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 24th, 2011
10:40 am

I know that many on this blog have bad experiences from Internet dating sites, but one of the reasons I like them is that if one waits a bit and communicates a bit by email, BEFORE asking the “what a knockout” out, one can do a little bit of screening. The pictures give the “possible” looks, but if one is paying attention to the emails and a phone call or two, one can cut some of the nutcases out before investing an evening. Not a perfect science, some slip thru and you probably miss some good ones occasionally…but it is all in the screening.

czBrat

August 24th, 2011
10:44 am

randy, that’s the way i handled the online dating thing. as a matter of fact, i did a LOT of chat/email with dudes without ever meeting in person. s/o is the only one i agreed to meet. and that was after about 2-3 months of constant net/phone convo. he has told me some absolute horror stories about the chicks he met from online dating sites.

ITL, i had a neon green sweatshirt that said NOW! in dayglo white letters. (and matching socks of course) :) you couldn’t tell me nothin!

czBrat

August 24th, 2011
10:57 am

gotta get out and tour some properties.

ya’ll be good. ciao!

kimmie

August 24th, 2011
10:58 am

Morning All!

Here are my opinions on topic:

1. It’s amazing how some otherwise intelligent people do not get that a person’s church or work style of dress and persona may be quite different than what they are when dating/hanging out! I remember early after college, I came to work at a bank dressed extremely conservative and professional and my attitude was pleasant but all business. I made a few cool friends and we hit up a few happy hours after work and clubs on the weekend. A few were taken aback when I actually ordered an alcoholic beverage at happy hour! And I came to the club dressed classy but fun & sexy! Duh!!! Same goes with church! Just because you met someone at church, don’t think their clothing and persona are going to stay at church once they leave! Yes, I would expect their general moral makeup to reflect that they are at least listening and learning at church, but beyond that – sounds like dude is probably a stick-in-the-mud!!!

2. Again, dude is probably a dud. While I don’t condone cursing every other word or dressing like a skank, I bet he exaggerated the whole thing. I’m sure he’ll be able to find an Amish woman that will fit the bill!

3. Yeah, if the first date was THAT bad to you, why do you need to plan a 2nd? That’s that tired “give him/her a chance” mess when you know coming out of the gate it’s not going to work. Why waste each other’s time? But you have to go with your gut – if you think a person was just nervous and got off to a rough start but you sense they are still a cool person worth getting to know, by all means, give it another shot!

Exiled!

August 24th, 2011
11:04 am

Good morning!

She was dressed provocatively then used profanity!

What more do u need to know what type of chic she is?

Can we all say Cobwebs!! :lol:

I can’t blame it on the guy here.

Now,if it was just the dressing but her first date convo was spot on,I wld have cut her some slack!

Too bad,horny home girl was in the hands of a church dude! :lol:

Purple Reign

August 24th, 2011
11:07 am

Yep that guy sounds kind of moist to even be complaining about it.

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

August 24th, 2011
11:12 am

You know people go to church looking for that “Good Church Girl or Guy”! But sadly you are misinformed about “holy folks”. In a lot of their cases, the only thing that is holy are the holes in their “I’m a good girl/boy” story! Beware of that guy quoting scripture…even satan goes to church. He goes to collect cell numbers so he can text folks, “see you soon”! :evil: :lol:

As far as dressing….no matter what you wear, dudes will have XRay vision. Or they will have the runaway imagination. I get judged from jump!

kimmie

August 24th, 2011
11:14 am

Exiled – Part of me agrees with you. But I’m taking into account that Wise said he’s “super conservative”. Which means he may have been exaggerating the whole thing. What’s provocative to him might just be cute & figure-flattering to most of us. And unless she’s dropping f-bombs, she might have let h– or da— slip out of nervousness.

I went on a blind date once my friends set up with a super-religious dude. Now I know how to dress and I don’t normally use profanity unless I’m in road-rage & by myself! :) But I did order 1 glass of wine, which to him was a no-no since he didn’t drink and didn’t want a lady who did. Oh well!