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Object of desire or objectified?

I read an “opinion” recently by a man who believes that women love to be objectified. I thought about how chauvinistic that sounded, then I wondered what would make a guy think that? When a woman wants to be desired, we aren’t thinking of being objectified but that seems to be waht some men think.

I believe some women think there is a difference in how you are treated. When does it become a problem? Usually when it is accompanied by misogynist views and disrespectful behavior.

I’m sure men can argue that women objectify them too, they just don’t “whine” about it. Do men think women like, excuse me, love to be objectified? Is that why some men try to cat call at women on the street?

In your opinion, what is the difference between being the object of desire and being objectified?

What are the reasons men objectify women? Why do women objectify men?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

200 comments Add your comment

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 18th, 2011
8:38 am

My question is…what is any of this trying to say. I guess I must not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I don’t know what this is asking. Are we saying like “arm candy/ornament” or “trophy wife” or “Dunwoody tennis maven”???

I guess I need to star in the next rerun of “Clueless”.

Into the Light

August 18th, 2011
8:49 am

Good morning!

what is the difference between being the object of desire and being objectified

Being objectified means (to me) that you are only desired for that which is touchable and visible, i.e. the physical beauty. Being the object of desire can include the physical, intellectual, emotional traits….or not. The object of my desire would include the traits most attractive TO ME, which are not the same for everyone.

SlimNu

August 18th, 2011
8:50 am

Randyt – I must’ve went into the pool house since I thought we were bootleg blogging…but i’m right there with you on this topic. Maybe it’s too early or maybe my coffee hasn’t kicked in yet but after reading this, I felt like a dog who turns his head sideways like WTH?

Into the Light

August 18th, 2011
9:17 am

Don’t feel bad, Slim. I was in the guard shack for a minute, until I saw the main gates had opened. :lol:

SlimNu

August 18th, 2011
9:23 am

ITL – I think your post just summed up the answer to the topic…and did you leave any croissants in the guard shack?

czBrat

August 18th, 2011
9:23 am

HiYas!

i’ll make the most of the hour or so of free time i have this a.m. by playing in blogville. :)

i’m with ITL on defining the difference. as the “object of desire” i should feel you’re doing all you can to please me; as opposed to doing all you can to make me please you … which i would take as being “objectified”.

that comment reminds me of a little ‘thing’ s/o and i go through from time to time. i’ve learned to sass-up my nature girl look a bit to please him. he has learned to prep-up his weekend look to please me. and we both like the changes. it takes a clear understanding of what you mean to each other to know when pleasing each other is not objectifying.

Button

August 18th, 2011
9:26 am

Being the object of a man’s desire is being more than the norm. Being confident and showing it and owning it. Men notice a confident woman just being her natural self without being pretentious. Being objectified is being called out because of your physical attributes and men slobbing afer you. jmo

Into the Light

August 18th, 2011
9:27 am

Nope, Slim. I brought them in to the blog kitchen. Didn’t want anyone having to walk back down to the shack until they’d had their coffee. Oh, and there’s some homemade blackberry preserves if you’re interested.

Good morning, czB! I like your example…just goes to show that when you really love someone, little things to please them are your desire, not your chore. :)

Button

August 18th, 2011
9:30 am

We women have been objectified for centuries, exploited!

LL411

August 18th, 2011
9:37 am

I think the subject has been covered…. unless someone posts something really out there to jump it off.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 18th, 2011
9:38 am

Objectified yep what ITL said, object of my desire is cool. I believe some men and women crave and enjoy it. I prefer being reserved than objectified. I don’t want to be on a pedestal for display.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 18th, 2011
9:43 am

Morning Ladies and RandyT:
Objectified makes me think of women in strip clubs.

czBrat

August 18th, 2011
9:47 am

LL, i may be alone in this, but i have to say that having men salivate and cat call behind women just goes with the territory of being attractive (predator/prey and all that jazz). it’s nature. i find it annoying and disrespectful, but it’s nature. as long as there is no vulgarity, and don’t even THINK about touching me! i can let the objectification from a distance slide.

Into the Light

August 18th, 2011
9:48 am

Morning, BF….

What’s for breakfast?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 18th, 2011
9:53 am

Ocean perch and grits, cinnamon toast, and orange pineapple juice.

abc

August 18th, 2011
9:57 am

This is really stupid, but still.

Nobody likes to be ‘objectified’, as it disregards them personally for who and what they really are, focusing instead on the superficial.

Everybody wants to be desirable to somebody. They’d just like for that desire to be the result of who and what they really are, not their physique, fairness of face, or bank account.

Jake a.ka. SPJ The Womb Beater

August 18th, 2011
9:58 am

Ah ladies, you know you like it when we objectify you, its validation of your sexiness…So, though u may say you hate it, you get an ego stroke when you get whistled at, called from a distance, etc…quit acting like it bothers you soooo much!!!

Into the Light

August 18th, 2011
9:59 am

Mmmm, fish and grits! Can I have a little cheese for my grits, please? :)

Jake a.ka. SPJ The Womb Beater

August 18th, 2011
10:00 am

LL411-maybe that will spark it…lol

Michael P.

August 18th, 2011
10:01 am

As a teenage boy, as with most teenage boys, when I would see an attractive girl, my first thought would be ’sex’, seeing her for only her sexual potential in direct regards to myself.. However, even as a teenager, if I was fortunate enough to meet the particular women I was ogling, my intellect and emotions would take over, and I began to view her as a person; with emotions, personality, heart, soul and her own dreams and desires.
I would say on first view, most men revert to their ‘id’ when seeing an attractive women, hence the cat-calls that eminate from many of us. It’s the basic instinct for sex and reproduction that can be our first ‘driver’ in regards to women.
However, as the article states, women do the same to men in regards to viewing us as simply a paycheck or high salary, a good body or looks (which again points to sexual motivation), or even ‘trophy boyfriend or husband’.
One are that I haven’t seen touched on yet in this article or even by my fellow bloggers is how we tend (and this is especially true of women, though it also applies to some men) to objectify ourselves. As someone who works in the retail field, I can personally attest to how women will ‘come-on’ to men believing it will garner them some type of preference, and in many cases, it actually does. There have been times in my store where we are very busy, and while I am at the register cashing out a customer, an attractive women will walk in, and upon seeing the long line of people waiting to be served, she will look over, see that I have no one in front of me at that moment, and rather than wait in line as everyopne else is, she steps over to me, smiles her sexiest smile, and then gets very physically flirtatious as she asks for help. And by physically flirtatious, I mean bating her eyes, the slight tilt of the head, the sexy ‘I want you look’ in her eyes that she would normally save for her boyfriend or husband, the tossing of her hair, and the complete changing of her body posture and body language that begins to say, ‘Yes, perhaps you can have me’.
Men tend to do it in different ways. For example, the guy who walks into a crowded nightclub, and when he is not immediately noticed, he will go to the bar, remove his car keys from his pocket, and throw them on the bar in plain sight where everyone (and especially the ladies) can see his Mercedes Benz key fob. Or he take his sport coat off and hangs it on the back of his chair in such a manner as to allow everyone to see the manufacturers tag inside which reads ‘Armani’. This is the guy who always uses the concierge parking, because he wants everyone to know what he drives and that he is successful. Hence, he reduces himself to a paycheck.
The bottom line here is we as people need to begine viewing each other as whole and complete human beings…worthy of respect, admiration and love…not simply objects.

abc

August 18th, 2011
10:01 am

Whistling and calling strangers from a distance is a move for a low life degenerate. If you think chicks like that, you’re a fool.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 18th, 2011
10:01 am

Cheese coming right up. Now making french cinnamon toast.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 18th, 2011
10:06 am

I’m personally not in danger of being “objectified” ;-( (dayum the bad luck))

However I guess I see the consequences on reality shows like “The Real Housewives of Dismal Seepage Arkansas” or something. When someone dresses and fixes oneself up like a man’s stereotype of a ‘Barbie Doll’ all for show, then I guess that is being “objectified”. There is a reason I pass on by most women with ‘Glamour Shots’ type photos on line. If the person doesn’t project as a real person, I don’t want her. I need someone in my life who doesn’t push away with horror at the thought of her hair, makeup, and lipstick being mussed a litlle. So if you mean “objectified” as “making oneself look like an ‘object’” then pass me by…not interested.

Michael P.

August 18th, 2011
10:07 am

Hey blackfoote, what you didn’t mention is how those women in the strip club are objectifying you…all you are to them is a fat wad of dollar bills, and the are praying on your most basic instinct to get those dollar bills away from you.
And that begs the question; could you actually get one of those women to go home with you and spend the night? Sure you could…provided that you drive a Lamborghini, make $500,000.00 a year, own a yacht, and live in the biggest home in Buckhead. So who is objectifying who?

Into the Light

August 18th, 2011
10:08 am

You know what? I might pretend to be annoyed to discourage him from approaching, but I’m actually kinda smirking on the inside….”yep…mami looks cute today!” And I don’t seek validation from others, but it still feels good to be noticed and appreciated, even if it is on a purely superficial level. And as long as he stays on his side of the street/bar/parking lot, it’s all good….

just me

August 18th, 2011
10:09 am

Jake a.ka. SPJ The Womb Beater

August 18th, 2011
10:10 am

abc-now, now, get back in your cage a bit…There is a percentage of women who want like the attention that her physical features garner, hence the invention of the miniskirt, sleeveles shirts shirts, low-rise jeans, sports-bra in plains sight, etc…Its not all women, but like anything else it depends on whose doing the calling,

czBrat

August 18th, 2011
10:12 am

provided that you drive a Lamborghini, make $500,000.00 a year, own a yacht, and live in the biggest home in Buckhead.
dang! are stripper’s requirements really THAT high?

Jake a.ka. SPJ The Womb Beater

August 18th, 2011
10:16 am

ITL-Thanks for the assist, you expressed my thoughts better than I could, there is a part of many women and men that whats to know you are being recognized on a purely animalistic level, to qoute the great Austin Powers- “I am a sexy beast, yeah”

Jake a.ka. SPJ The Womb Beater

August 18th, 2011
10:20 am

wants to know, that is

Michael P.

August 18th, 2011
10:21 am

Hey czBrat, if you knew you could take your pick from a virtually unlimted group, who would you pick?

kimmie

August 18th, 2011
10:29 am

Morning All!

On topic – Yeah okay, whatever. :roll: I mean, I’ve never been comfortable with cat-calls on the street. I don’t feel that “validates” anything, just a dude that has no manners or class. Now when a guy admires in a respectful way – yes, that’s flattering. I think even men can appreciate it when a lady admires them in a respectful way. But hey, if you get off on being treated like a piece of meat, do you. Just don’t assume everyone else likes that.

Yeah, I’ll be glad when the topic changes.

czBrat

August 18th, 2011
10:36 am

mr. p, the snob in me just cannot fathom that a stripper can “take her pick”. but i suppose i kinda sorta get what you’re saying. :neutral: i don’t doubt their audience runs the gamut, but i still find it hard to believe the guy in the accord can’t get chickadee to spend the night at his apartment if he offers up his entire $500 paycheck.

Jake a.ka. SPJ The Womb Beater

August 18th, 2011
10:44 am

@Kimmie, and anyone who can explain, please tell what the hell is, “admires in a respectful way”. Does that mean you were approached, becuase I do not know how u could tell otherwise. Also, the cat caller really is not going to approach, which is what makes him a, wait for it, a “cat caller”, The cat calling itself is ignorant and immature, but like I said before, women put on like its the worst thing in the world, when it still is an ego stroke, its miniscule, but a stroke nonetheless…..

kimmie

August 18th, 2011
10:45 am

Brat – I agree. Plus, I think it depends on what you mean by “take your pick”. If he’s just looking to get physical, sure. If he’s looking for wife material, well no that stripper won’t likely be his choice.

Quality vs quantity

TenderRoni

August 18th, 2011
10:46 am

I pretty much associate being objectified as a level of disrepect to women. I don’t like cat-calls, being whistled at, licking of the lips, getting the up & down stare like you have x-ray vision or getting the ‘old man stare down’.
And the difference for me is when a man can look me straight in the eye and give me a compliment and notices the smaill things, like you changed your hair, or that color looks good on you, and simply just saying you are beautiful today= object of ones desire

UGA 1999

August 18th, 2011
10:53 am

Does it really matter…..

kimmie

August 18th, 2011
10:53 am

Jake – If you have to ask, nothing I say will convince you. I get admired in a respectful way every day. A nice, appreciative smile, a “hey you look nice”, “what’s that perfume you’re wearing?”. I actually don’t run across a lot of cat-callers in my travels.

I said I didn’t care for cat-caller. So why do you need to explain that a cat-caller is not going to approach? I ignore them.

So to get a miniscule ego stroke one should be happy to endure disrespect? Nope, not that hard up!

2CPTG

August 18th, 2011
10:56 am

sup y’all….

aiiight, let’s be real here….maybe The Diva used the wrong words, but in some sense EVERYONE wants to be desired!!! To say, “I do it for me,” is only half true….trust, you want someone else to notice too….

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 18th, 2011
10:59 am

@ Michael…re: “all you are to them is a fat wad of dollar bills”

Now I am really hurt. I know that gal at Tattletales really liked me and it had nothing to do with my wallet opening early and often ;-)

This has totally disillusioned me, because I know it was true love.

Casual Observer

August 18th, 2011
11:02 am

Morning All….

Michael P On the real Bruh…Cats are going home with strippers that Use the check cashing place, Drive a 87 El Dorado with some tricked out rims and share an apartment with Boo Boo and dem…. :)

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 18th, 2011
11:02 am

…and I know she would have gladly gone back to my cheap apartment if I had asked before she had to take care of business with another gentleman.

Lovely Brown

August 18th, 2011
11:03 am

Don’t have anything to add to the topic

Just wanted to say Good Morning All! :-)

Casual Observer

August 18th, 2011
11:06 am

This is such a chick topic….Show me a guy that cares if women are objectifing him and I will show you a …well…..Really Moist dude…….

Albert

August 18th, 2011
11:07 am

Women may not like to be looked at as a sex object, but some of them will beat themselves up (emotionally) because they think they’re physically unattractive to a man. It’s contradictory.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 18th, 2011
11:07 am

No way she would have been kissing the back of my neck and running her hands over my face if she didn’t really like me…would she???? Now I’m confused.

Casual Observer

August 18th, 2011
11:09 am

Randy, What was her name???? That whole senario sounds familiar…..

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 18th, 2011
11:10 am

She wouldn’t have minded that Toyota Corolla I was driving then because I know the money didn’t matter. And she would have shown me all those nice parts up close even if I hadn’t tipped her wouldn’t she? Now I’m really depressed.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 18th, 2011
11:11 am

@ Casual Observer…I think she was going to tell me her real name just as soon as she could leave ;-)

Exiled!

August 18th, 2011
11:15 am

Uall are playing with words,really! Agh,good morning!

There is a thin line. For the most part,men objectify women. We see the outer part first and that becomes the subject of our desire. When we get an opening we either strengthen that initial interest or it falls flat. But u can’t take away the objectifying. It fuels the attraction.
Women will treat themselves to look good to their men for the most part or to look good to the outside potential suitors. Men tho,don’t usually have those agendas. That’s a slight difference there.

And in this day if Internet dating and f–cking,objectifying oneself has taken on a whole nother level.

It’s way more explicit with nether packages flying left right and center! Is that not objectifying oneself? By both sexes. I have seen some damn wet puddies,trust me!

A woman reducing themselves to a mere hole!

So it’s happening!
(for purposes of adequate disclosure,I have never sent my package to anybody in picture form)

Just saying! :lol:

Have a hood day!