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Caught in a love triangle?

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a love triangle? No, not the sexy one..the annoying kind. I’m talking about a love triangle that is completely unplanned, unwelcome, and unbearably annoying.

You meet someone great and things seem to be going really well. One day, they happen to mention an ex that is still in the picture. Oh, they aren’t “involved” anymore, they just decided to stay in each others’ lives. Then they tell you the person is married and was also married when they were involved.

What would you do in this situation? If you get the sense that the person you are dating still has feelings – and possibly sexual intimacy with someone else, shouldn’t you run for the hills? Would you try to talk it out and give it more time?

How do people manage to get themselves caught in a love triangle, anyway? If you are hung up on somebody else, shouldn’t you take a break from dating? This is worse than being the rebound girl/guy!

If you feel a strong connection with someone, would you be willing to “stick it out” until the love triangle situation goes away or is that a emotional suicide mission?

Is it truly possible to be torn between two people? Isn’t one of them getting the short end of the stick?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

226 comments Add your comment

Browncoat

August 17th, 2011
6:18 am

I want to hear more about the sexy kind…..

Mr. Unknown

August 17th, 2011
6:34 am

Uhhh basically the person is telling you they were somebodies jump off. Run!! That’s not an EX, that was just sex. 9 times out of 10 you would be wasting your time, because they are still hung up on this person.. Either they are still having sex, that person likes the attention they getting from said person. Its an “emotional suicide” if that person tells you all of there red flags and you still hang around hoping the ex/jump off goes away, your setting yourself up.

I just went through that dumb ish not a fun ride. I found out her friend was actually her ex F buddy. I set myself up because when I met buddy I had a feeling it was more to it then friends.

JT

August 17th, 2011
7:15 am

I agree with Unknown. More than likely, they are still doing each other. Run while you can. There is no good outcome for this sutiation…

jake's mom

August 17th, 2011
8:00 am

“…torn between two people and one of them’s married”??? Ummmmm..no brainer. RUNNNNNNN!!!!!

Into the Light

August 17th, 2011
8:23 am

Morning, all!

If it were just an “ex” that (s)he has maintained a friendship with, then that’s probably okay. I have an ex that’s been a friend since childhood and will always be part of my life. But that’s not the case in the scenario described. That is a man being involved with a married woman. Unless she is planning to leave her husband, there is no hope for a future between the two of them, so I would ask myself why he keeps her in the picture. More importantly, though, I would ask myself if I wanted to be involved with a man who would put himself in the middle of a couple’s marriage and be “the other man”. That speaks volumes about his character, and for me, is not someone I would want to be involved with.

michael

August 17th, 2011
8:27 am

actually, i believe if one mentions another to the “other”, the one is testing the “other” to see what the “other” feels which is a sign of insecurity.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 17th, 2011
8:28 am

I can’t speak for others, but this scenario, even without the sexual involvement with the ex, has ended several relationships for me. Even if they aren’t involved, often there is almost a sense of competing that is just too problematic. Ex lovers have a remarkable ability to have a renewed interest when someone new is getting what they used to have. I can’t remember any even remotely serious relationship where exes did not cause issues for me. Maybe I’m just too sensitive…and maybe my trust has been betrayed a few times.

Just tell the truth

August 17th, 2011
8:37 am

Off topic and relating to an incident last night…Had my very first “date” from an internet dating site. Emailed back and forth, spoke on the phone, profile said body type was “Average”. Profile pic had only her face, which was pretty. When I finally saw her for the first time, I must’ve missed some small type on the body description because it had to include “Average….for a well fed Blue Whale.” Just dayum, people…do you think that lying on your own description is going to go over well when they see you for real? It was horrible….just bloody horrible……

Dave

August 17th, 2011
8:38 am

Won’t go over good here. When I’m dating, I don’t play seconds, I don’t ride the pine until the starter is unavailable and I don’t share well. I’ll compete with others for your affection for a small time, but it better not take very long.

Lady Strange

August 17th, 2011
8:39 am

I’m still friends with some of the guys I dated when I was younger. I’m not friends with my ex-husband though, we get along OK now that we’re divorced but I don’t consider him a friend. Regardless, if they were just platonic friends now that would be OK but this situation sounds like he’s still hung up on this person.

My advice, get out of this now! RUN far & fast! People shouldn’t date when they are still hung up on their ex, IMO.

Simple Man...

August 17th, 2011
8:45 am

Morning peeps!!! The situation described above is toxic and as laid out is a no wion for everyone involved….That being said, I have found myself in a triangle (I won’t say it was love, but thats another story) before and I have to say that while its not ideal, it was not the worst thing in the world…This woman I was dating was upfront enough to tell me that she was also seeing another guy…said She wanted to get to know both of us a bit better before making a choice but did not want to be misleading while doing so…I respected her candor and allowed things to play themselves out…Like I said it was not the worst thing in the world…..

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 17th, 2011
8:50 am

@ just tell the truth

I have done extensive internet dating and can’t understand lying either. One thing I have learned is if there are only “head shots” there is probably a reason.

One of the funny ones for me is running into my ex wife’s first college roomate. Amazing how she must have been only 11 when she was a freshman in college, lol, if her age on Match was any indicator.

The funniest one was the “transvestite”…but that’s another story.

Breezy

August 17th, 2011
8:51 am

RUN – RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!! DON’T LOOK BACK!!! It’s just a heartbreak waiting to happen.

Leggs

August 17th, 2011
8:53 am

Good morning.

I can honestly say I have never been in a love triangle.

@Just ~ kudos for staying on the date. Don’t understand the logic behind someone lying on their profile. Isn’t the point of putting your profile up is to catch someone’s eye enough to actually want to meet you in person. Why start out the gate deceiving? You should sue her for emotional harassment. J/K

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 17th, 2011
8:54 am

@ Simple Man…I commend you for being able to handle that. I guess I am a hot-headed Scorpio because my response is always, “call me when you are truly free”. I might do that in the first date or two, but no further. As “Crash” Davis said in “Bull Durham”, “I’ve played in the league for 13 years…I don’t ‘try out’ anymore”.

Simple Man...

August 17th, 2011
9:08 am

Randy, Like I said, there was not love of any real emotional investment at the time, so the risk on my part was small, add that to the fact that she was cultured and really smart and worldly….And Yeah, She was, Cindy Crarford, Selma Hayek fine!!!!! She was so hot I wanna improve my posture just thinking about her!!!!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 17th, 2011
9:18 am

You’re single and hung up on somebody that’s married, you need a break from dating. There are too many single people available to be tied up with one that’s married. If I sense you can’t take yourself away from the situation, I have a choice to and mine will leave you with the drama. It happens all the time, people playing mind games.

Celisea

August 17th, 2011
9:20 am

Morning,

No triangle, 3 nothing here…lol I’m not cut from that kind of cloth. If someone “mentions” another, I’m soooo out of there.

On Simple Man’s comment: She wanted to get to know both of us a bit better before making a choice

My kid was telling this past weekend about one of her girlfriends (borderline gossip…but I listened…I’m her mom) and how this guy at church still likes her but has a girlfriend and can’t seem to make up his mind…blah blah blah. Then she states (all hard like), “that couldn’t be me, I’d tell him to make a choice”….umm I had to quickly move in and correct her even how that should get done. I told her don’t “ever” knowingly be someone’s choice. When you see a guy, man, boy, dude with open “in front of your eyes” options, take yourself out of the equation. To NEVER position yourself as if you “waiting.”

Yes, I understand there are ALWAYS options and folks will behave whichever way they want. I told her you can’t controll anybody else’s actions but you can definitely control what you do, how you act and what you allow.

Got to make sure she steps off on the good foot :)

Into the Light

August 17th, 2011
9:21 am

Good morning, BF! Glad to see you ventured out from under the stairs. What’s for breakfast this morning?

And I noticed you weren’t here on Friday. Get an early start under the bridge by the Dome? :)

Leggs

August 17th, 2011
9:41 am

{{Clap, Clap, Clapping, hell standing up too}}. Right on point, Celisea!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 17th, 2011
9:55 am

Good Morning ITL, Leggs, and Celisea:
This morning on the burners we have eggs fried or scrambled with grits and oatmeal and in the oven NY strip steaks.

Yeah at the game Friday was a blast. Watched in amazement the rookie Julio Jones that’s all I can say about him, he’s the real deal now.

Celisea

August 17th, 2011
9:55 am

Leggs – The more things change, the more they remain the same. The world keeps spinning, times seemingly worse, money tight, economy shot but game will ALWAYS remain the same.

Leggs

August 17th, 2011
9:55 am

Dang, these pesky crickets showed up mighty early this morning…

Celisea

August 17th, 2011
9:56 am

Morning Blackfoote

Leggs

August 17th, 2011
9:58 am

You got that right, Celisea! A 17 yr old boy gave my daughter a diamond heart necklace as an early bday gift. He’s going off to college on Friday. I’m going to let her keep this one. It’s a nice necklace. When he left, she’ beaming from ear to ear asked me if it was real. I had to laugh and immediately said “of course not!” Told her the best tip she can carry with her forever. Turn whatever trinket you get over. If there aren’t any holes behind the diamond, it’s not real….diamonds need to breathe!

Leggs

August 17th, 2011
9:58 am

Oops, where’s my manners….morning BF!

Simple Man...

August 17th, 2011
10:00 am

Blackfoote, I know its early, and the ladies might jump us for this, But what was so special about 2 catches from Jones in teh first Pre-season game???? Its not like they were long passes or great catches…Just a couple of 10-12 yard crossing plays…..

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 17th, 2011
10:07 am

@ Simple Man…mention Selma Hayak and all questions are answered ;-)

oneofeach4me

August 17th, 2011
10:09 am

I am with Dave 100% on this one…..I don’t have time for games; and frankly neither should the other party involved. If they are talking about the “ex” this soon into the courtship, then they are DEFINITELY still hung up or “bedding” up.

I do have a question for the guys though…if this was you, and you found out that homegirl had been a mistress, how would that settle with you and what would that resonate to you about her character?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 17th, 2011
10:12 am

Simple Man:
I know don’t want the ladies to hit us up talking sports this early, but it’s the combination of his size 6′3″ 220 lbs. with 4.6 speed he’s gonna be a handful and some for a lot of defensive backs. Those small db’s will not have a chance with this guy trying to defend catches or tackling him. He has a way to go, but he’ll get there faster than other rookies.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 17th, 2011
10:14 am

@oneof…Probably end it instantly for me. One asset I want in any SO is to be smart. Getting involved with a married man is just dumb, and also says something about the character of the person she is looking for…and I don’t fit that mold.

Into the Light

August 17th, 2011
10:17 am

It’s not just his quickness – it’s his ability to catch and transition quickly to the run up the field. Did you see that first catch and run he made? It was a beautiful thing. :)

abc

August 17th, 2011
10:18 am

I have no use for cops, lawyers, teachers, and exes. If there’s an ex that’s in the picture, I am out of the picture, period, the end.

Into the Light

August 17th, 2011
10:19 am

@oneof and Randyt: See my first post this morning. Being willingly involved with a person who is married speaks volumes about your character and integrity (or lack thereof).

oneofeach4me

August 17th, 2011
10:19 am

@Randy I agree. My sister tends to get involved with guys who are either living with someone or have a serious GF. I told her that if she wants to meet the right guy, then she needs to stop sleeping with guys who are already “taken”. I mean come on….. why would you want to share? I dunno…she thinks she can win the guys over and take them from the other girl through being, ummmm, intimate.

kimmie

August 17th, 2011
10:20 am

Morning All!

On topic – Why would you even need to think twice on a situation like this? Give IT more time? There is no IT! The only IT is drama. Why would you play yourself or allow yourself to be played like that? smh

Leggs – I thought I knew it all about fine jewelry, but I learned something new today. Looked inside my rings just to make sure -whew!!

oneofeach4me

August 17th, 2011
10:20 am

@Into ~ definitely lack thereof.

kimmie

August 17th, 2011
10:24 am

Some folk seem attracted to those that are “unavailable”.

I never could play sloppy seconds. And even if you manage to “take” them from the one they are already with, well, karma is a beyotch!

Leggs

August 17th, 2011
10:24 am

I’m cracking up, kimmie!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 17th, 2011
10:27 am

oneof:
My experience I’ve known many women who have been or is involved with married men. Most go through a phase in life, then they get their act together and move on. A small few are caught up in the hype and belief that they are being told and it’s too emotional for them to walk away. I would date those who have moved on, but the emotional one’s I don’t think anybody can snap them out of the spell they’re under.

Into the Light

August 17th, 2011
10:27 am

Hunh! It’s my birthstone and I didn’t know that either. Good to know, Leggs, thanks for sharing!

James

August 17th, 2011
10:27 am

I have a very dear lady friend in an almost similar position. She developed feeling towards a long time male friend who is now in a relationship. Tore her to pieces but she decided to let him know anyway.
Her reasoning being she did not want to hold it in and have regrets in the future (say if he was to marry his current gf). She had to make her feelings be known. Now the fellow SAYS he’s confused and she should have brought it up sooner. She asked for my advice on wether she should limit their interactions because she now feels even worse for putting him in that position. I really don’t know what to tell her.

oneofeach4me

August 17th, 2011
10:29 am

@kimmie ~ what I have noticed about my sister is that it seems to be the conquest thing. She actually likes to be in competition with the other woman and strives to win. There are single guys interested, but it’s like she doesn’t want them cause she knows she can have him. But then, if she does end up with the guy she “won”, she seems lost when he cheats or moves on or uses her or whatever. Like really?? You REALLY didn’t see that one coming??

I pay a lot of attention to her and what she does so I know what to look out for!!!

UGA 1999

August 17th, 2011
10:29 am

Interesting question….

Leggs

August 17th, 2011
10:33 am

Tell her what Celisea told her daughter.

oneofeach4me

August 17th, 2011
10:33 am

@BF ~ Even if she had moved on… doesn’t it make you wonder WTH was she thinking in the first place? We all go through things in life, but I am not going to shoot up heroin because I don’t want to become a junkie. If you don’t want drama and emotional turmoil… why get involved at all? What makes a woman even go there?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 17th, 2011
10:34 am

ITL:
I was skeptical when the Falcons made the move to get him,(that’s why I’m not the G.M.) but he is gonna be a bright spot to this team.

UGA 1999

August 17th, 2011
10:37 am

Blackfoote….are you talking about Julio?

Celisea

August 17th, 2011
10:42 am

James – Tell her she knew better…and knows better

Leggs – Thanks for that tidbit…didn’t know that.

SexyCool

August 17th, 2011
10:44 am