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Do you return gifts to the ex?

I have never been comfortable accepting extravagant gifts from men I am not in a relationship with or seriously dating. It just makes me uneasy to the point that I could not enjoy the gesture because I am too busy worrying about the motive behind it.

I just think that if things are going so great, we will have plenty of time to spoil one another. Why change the dynamics of the relationship by bringing in big ticket gifts? What happens if things go horribly wrong and you spent a lot of money on someone and start to regret all those gifts?

A friend of mine recently broke up with her man and they had only been dating less then a year. She wants to give back the car that he bought her. Yes, that’s right a car. To be fair, he owns a dealership and probably could afford to let her keep it. I just don’t think she should have accepted it in the first place.

The car actually became an issue for her when deciding if she would break up with him or not. See? This is why things change when money and finances get involved in a dating relationship! What do you think? Should your extravagant gifts or financial loans be returned to your ex post break up?

What is your position on gift buying and exchanging in dating? When is it too generous? Is there such a thing?

Have you ever spent a lot of money on one person you were dating? Did you regret it?

Would you ever ask someone to return a gift you gave them when you were together?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

226 comments Add your comment

Into the Light

August 15th, 2011
11:28 am

co-signing Kimmie’s 11:10. Well done, Randyt. :)

And depending on what it is, If she wants to give it back…I’ll take it…
And then what? I would be at a loss as to what to do with a returned gift….

DreamsMaterialize

August 15th, 2011
11:31 am

Dreams you don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a good time but, you do have to have or at least have your finances in order when you’re dating.
Button There’s a ton of people out there dating without their finances in order. You mean “you SHOULD have your finances in order…”. Right? A guy taking you to a five-star and driving a 7-Series doesn’t mean his finances are in order.

I got a problem if all you do is want to finger paint on the living room floor
Celisea Dang you make being “creative” sound very geigh. LOL

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

August 15th, 2011
11:35 am

KIMMIE…like you, I have always felt uncomfortable with accepting gifts from guys. I feel like they feel you owe them something. Hell I hate asking for help in any aspect. I do not like being indebt to anyone! Nor do I want what someone did for me thrown in my face at their convenience.

kimmie

August 15th, 2011
11:40 am

I hate asking for help in any aspect. I do not like being indebt to anyone! Nor do I want what someone did for me thrown in my face at their convenience.

BMW – Bingo! Honey, I will live on peanut butter sandwiches and water first!

Into the Light

August 15th, 2011
11:42 am

I hate asking for help in any aspect. I do not like being indebt to anyone! Nor do I want what someone did for me thrown in my face at their convenience.

AMEN!!! I’ll live on ramen first.

Simple Man...

August 15th, 2011
11:43 am

ITL..depending on what it is, There is always a place for it…case in point…Few years ago, I went to get my watch for the Jewelry store that was doing the service on it… A lady I was dating happened to be with and I noitce her admiring a pair of earings while I was finishing my business…Few days later, I purcahsed them for her…..Fast forward a few months, we part comapany and she sends them back to me…..I have them on right now…….. :D

Leggs

August 15th, 2011
11:44 am

@RandyT ~ yep. My boy toy knows the deal.

That was definitely classy, RandyT! She was beaming from ear to ear. We women love thoughtful things like that!

@swiss ~ GOOD JOB on your tennis match!

kimmie

August 15th, 2011
11:52 am

Leggs – You are right, we ladies(I know I do) LOVE thoughtfulness! Does not have to cost a lot, but it means so much. Not just throwing out money cause you got it like that, but really doing something nice to brighten my day.

UGA 1999

August 15th, 2011
11:53 am

Depends on the gift and depends on the climate of the break up.

Into the Light

August 15th, 2011
12:00 pm

Not just throwing out money cause you got it like that, but really doing something nice to brighten my day.

And it doesn’t even have to be a gift that costs money. I remember going in the kitchen to get dinner started, and then coming back in the living room to ask the X Factor a question and noticing he was gone. I found him outside washing my car. When I asked him why, he said he didn’t want me riding around in a dirty car. :)

Leggs

August 15th, 2011
12:02 pm

Thoughtfulness is so so SEXY…Definitely a panty dropper!

Celisea

August 15th, 2011
12:04 pm

Button – Not really…I agree with you

Randyt – Awwwww, that’s how you get it down

Kimmie – Exactly.

Simple – I ain’t scared to say it…I have given gifts and on a few occasions, they have reached a level that I would consider expensive, and most likely will continue to do so in the future

Nothing wrong with doing what you like to do. Don’t let folks call it “simping” because it’s your thing to do nice things :)

kimmie

August 15th, 2011
12:04 pm

Light – See, stuff like that is what I’m talking about!! :)

Celisea

August 15th, 2011
12:05 pm

Dreams – Nothing geigh about finger painting….when it’s with the kids but a date idea? Nuh uh :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2011
12:11 pm

Gifts say I’m thinking, caring about you. Give and forget that’s the only way I know how to give. I’m an avid blood donor, I give the gift of life there’s no money involved just my time it takes to donate. So who does this precious fluid goes to no one I know of and it doesn’t matter whether I know, it’s a gift.

kimmie

August 15th, 2011
12:11 pm

Simple – Just like I didn’t like accepting extravagent gifts, I didn’t give them either – I’ve never had it like that. But I have gone out of my way or gone a little over my budget on gifts for a guy, only to have us break up not long after or eventually. I never asked for or expected the gifts or gestures back. I don’t feel put out or bad about what I gave, because I never went overboard. If I had to do it all over, I would. I am a generous person. Not afraid or embarassed to admit it at all.

Luckily too, the man I was most generous with became my husband.

DreamsMaterialize

August 15th, 2011
12:12 pm

Dreams – Nothing geigh about finger painting….when it’s with the kids but a date idea? Nuh uh
Celisea hahaha I don’t know why, but your post gave the visual of a dude barefoot, wearing capris, reciting poetry.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2011
12:20 pm

Gifts are a wonder of fullfilment for some people, they meaning underpriviledged persons a gift may feel like a full stomach, something that brought joy in their life, a moment they can cherish.

Leggs

August 15th, 2011
12:24 pm

@Blackfoote ~ I need you to speak English (lol).

Into the Light

August 15th, 2011
12:24 pm

Thoughtfulness is definitely smexy (smart + sexy) in a man. I like to do thoughtful things for others just because. The smile on someone’s face when you go out of your way to do something you didn’t have to do is priceless. And, even if you don’t see the reaction…just knowing that you made someone’s day a little brighter than it might normally have been is a warm fuzzy.

Same applies for giving gifts. The budget might not allow for extravagance, but I’m going to put enough thought into it that you know you were on my mind when I selected it.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2011
12:30 pm

Gifts for your girl/boyfriend tells the other I’m all for you. If there is a break up let it go leave it be, something is else always coming around the corner. I wouldn’t want anything back I gave as a gift, and if they wanted to give it back I would tell them to donate it in their name or leave it where somebody can find it.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2011
12:34 pm

Leggs:
I’ve been trying to do that since second grade, I don’t have down it in all these years it aint coming….LOL

Leggs

August 15th, 2011
12:37 pm

Too funny, BF. I like messing with you!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2011
12:42 pm

You spotted my “is else always” phrase, my mind is thinking that way and it is a shame when I type it…..LOL

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2011
12:53 pm

Just noticed it wasn’t that phrase it was something else I wrote. I’ll have plenty of time to figure it at the Step.

DreamsMaterialize

August 15th, 2011
1:08 pm

So Warren Buffet told Congress to stop “coddling the rich”. He said in the same statement that the taxes he paid amounted to 17% of his taxable income, which is half of what most people pay.

UGA 1999

August 15th, 2011
1:11 pm

Dreams…I am sure Buffet is free to write a check to the federal government. Hmmmm 17% of his income is how much??? And what percentage of Americans pay 0 in federal income tax?

Leggs

August 15th, 2011
1:24 pm

When “rope chains” were popular, I bought one for the guy I was dating. Something told me to hold off on giving it to him. 2 weeks after purchasing it, I saw him cuddled up with some chick during my lunch hour. I went over and said hello and introduced myself. The look on his eyes told me all I needed to know. The stammering that night when he called left me laughing at him. So I wore the necklace myself. I later let another man wear it, and when we broke up after him trying to throw me in a dirty pool of green water cuz he was upset with me, I snatched it from around his neck and made a mad dash to my car! Yep, I sho did….

Simple Man...

August 15th, 2011
1:25 pm

UGA, You can’t be OK with folks like Buffet paying 17 or 18% when so many people in that earn in the middle class pay taxes in the 25% range or so….I know you have heard the story of his 60k secretary paying 30% while he only pays less than 18%…

cba

August 15th, 2011
1:29 pm

Buffet’s 17% = 6.9million $. He said the average person in his office paid 36%.

UGA 1999

August 15th, 2011
1:30 pm

Simple….this when the top 5% (like Buffet) pays over 90% of the federal income tax for the United States. How many people to the top wager earners in our country employ? How much do they pay in taxes?

The sad truth is that if you raise taxes substantially on those who create jobs they are more likely to move their operation over seas, cut jobs or fold the company all together. Now that doesnt seem like a smart thing to do during a recession does it?

UGA 1999

August 15th, 2011
1:30 pm

cba…….your point?

cba

August 15th, 2011
1:32 pm

I read the article and was stating the facts.

czBrat

August 15th, 2011
1:33 pm

I snatched it from around his neck and made a mad dash to my car!

lawd! my girl is just gangsta! LOL you know you just reminded me of an unfortunate incident at a city park when i was 10, right?

let’s not drift down NYC memory lane again though. :lol:

UGA 1999

August 15th, 2011
1:35 pm

cba…..ok, I am still waiting on what point you were attempting to make?

For Real

August 15th, 2011
1:36 pm

UGA: That 51% of Americans don’t pay taxes statement is wrong. What the CBO said was in 2009 51% of Americans didn’t pay “Income Tax”. That 51% figure varies from year to year. However, those people did pay payroll taxes i.e. SS and Medicare. 20% of those who did not pay “Income Taxes” are elderly and the remaining percentage make less than 20k per year. The point Dreams and Mr. Buffet is making is that super wealthy do no pay the same percentage at less well off Americans which isn’t fair.

UGA 1999

August 15th, 2011
1:37 pm

For Real….when did I say 51%? I never did.

cba

August 15th, 2011
1:37 pm

UGA read the article because Buffet dispute the BS about how increasing the tax on the super rich hampers their investments. You can hear this ish on Boortz everyday.

For Real

August 15th, 2011
1:39 pm

UGA: No they do not pay “over 90% the federal income tax”, they pay 68% of the total receipts as of 2009 but they also make 63% of all the money in the US.

UGA 1999

August 15th, 2011
1:39 pm

For Real….so again I ask you. Is it fair that you and I pay 35% (estimate) of our income to the federal government while nearly 50% of americans pay ZERO?

You mention the word “fair” what does that word mean to you?

Leggs

August 15th, 2011
1:40 pm

@czB ~ please lets drift and get off Buffet.

I knew I could outrun him and only the driver’s side door was unlocked. Purse already in car. I got the hell out of dodge….screech……..

Tell your story.

UGA 1999

August 15th, 2011
1:42 pm

For Real….the top 50% pays over 96% of all of the taxes….what about the lower 50%???

Simple Man...

August 15th, 2011
1:42 pm

And for the record UGA…Lloyd Blankfien and his 54 Million dollar wallstreet salary does little to improve the unemployment rate in this country….

For Real

August 15th, 2011
1:44 pm

UGA: No you didn’t say that and I didn’t attribute that statement to you. I simply corrected your “No Taxes” statement with what the CBO reported for 2009. As to your question of “How many people to the top wager earners in our country employ?” – First do you understand that a “top wage earner” and “Corporation” are not one in the same?

czBrat

August 15th, 2011
1:46 pm

I knew I could outrun him and only the driver’s side door was unlocked. Purse already in car.
i do believe that qualifies as a premeditated mugging.

nevermind my story. how bout you explain that you “let another man wear it”. i take it dude would have been misguided to think it was a gift? LMAO.

UGA 1999

August 15th, 2011
1:47 pm

Simple Man……Great job Mr. Blankfien…..job well done.

Simple Man...

August 15th, 2011
1:48 pm

UGA, thats the oldest lamest presentation trick in the book…the top pays teh bulk in dollars, But please tell us what percent of the INCOME DO THEY MAKE????? If I made 200K and pay 10%, Is it fair to aske for simpathy from the guy that makes 30K and pays 15%???? I pay But the percentage has the dude on the low end catching the High hard one every time……

UGA 1999

August 15th, 2011
1:49 pm

For Real…..so you think those who run our top corporations are in the lower income bracket? Really? I would say 99.999999% of all corporation CEO’s, CFO’s, CIO’s are “top wage” earners. Care to bet?

UGA 1999

August 15th, 2011
1:50 pm

Simple Man……It depends…..Do you that make $30K per year employ anyone or create jobs? However typically if you make $200k you may be responsible in creating jobs. You still have not answered the question about those who pay ZERO!

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 15th, 2011
1:51 pm

@ Leggs

Do you let the boy toy wear your chains now (I’m sorry but I can’t let this boy toy thing go, its funny and easy to visualize Mrs. Robinson).