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Dating under the influence

Call it one of life’s lessons: outside influences should not impact your relationship. Some of us had to learn the hard way. Like the time you over shared something about what was happening and it backfired on you.

We all have well meaning friends and relatives who want what is best for us. Sometimes they may get a little carried away and interfere, which actually could make things a lot worse. You could end up getting bad advice from someone who really should not have been able to influence your decisions or behavior at all.

Have you ever been influenced by people to make certain dating or relationship decisions?

How much do you share and how much do you keep close to the vest?

Would you ever dump someone because they were not liked by people in your circle?

One of my friends is seeing a woman that does not get along with his best friend. It is starting to become a problem because the best friend and girlfriend clash a lot. This leaves him sort of stuck in the middle. What would you do in this situation? Play peacemaker or keep them apart?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures In Atlanta Dating Blog

720 comments Add your comment

Leggs

August 10th, 2011
2:03 pm

My mother received FS as I was growing up. I’ve always noticed the shame people had pulling them out and ripping out the dollar amount. My brothers and sisters were ashamed to go to the store for Mama. I wasn’t. Hell, I was glad to be eating by any means necessary. I understood what FS stood for, but I wasn’t ashamed because my mother needed the assistance then. Went in with my head held high and came out with groceries and head still held high.

Willie Dynamite

August 10th, 2011
2:06 pm

Sassy – understood.

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
2:06 pm

I’m not gonna hit the ‘Bus Boy”. Let me slap the onwer for selling 10day old meat!!!

corruption starts at the top and trickles down in an evil domino effect…ultimately hurting those with no power to change the policy(ies)…and benefitting the ones who started it all in the first place, which is their end all be all…

Button

August 10th, 2011
2:07 pm

no longer called food stamp, it’s called SNAP – supplemental nutrition assistance program

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
2:08 pm

Went in with my head held high and came out with groceries and head still held high.

that’s cause you had that good souse meat in the bag :lol:

czBrat

August 10th, 2011
2:09 pm

*some*one
what’s going on ^ here? you made more blog enemies? LOL

That’s the only way I can see being able to buy 5 packs of Yakki straigh weave number 1b with an ebt card
just oh my!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
2:10 pm

There are people that truly need help long term or temp. When I’m standing in line at a store and over hear teenage girls saying they can’t wait to get pregnant so they can get a check and food stamps. Something at their house isn’t working right.

Mr_NYC

August 10th, 2011
2:11 pm

And since the corruption and abuse is at all levels that’s why it keeps going. As long as you don’t take away my slice I’ll let you keep on eating your crumbs.

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
2:15 pm

Something at their house isn’t working right.

Cause that’s where they’re learning it..most times, at home. You have some families that have several generations(in the same house sometimes) on/in “the system”…

Fion

August 10th, 2011
2:17 pm

@NYC

it’s the Matrix man. Don’t unplug me. I don’t wanna see, I don’t wanna know the truth.

Willie Dynamite

August 10th, 2011
2:17 pm

I can say I’ve been on both ends of the problem. I’ve bought $100 worth of food staps for $20 worth of crumbs. I’ve also bought $1000 worth of Oil futures @$84 barrel and sold for $118/barrel.

I am the part of the problem and the solution.

Leggs

August 10th, 2011
2:18 pm

Dang Blackfoote. I’ve been in many grocery stores different times of the day and I have never overhead that. Oh my!

czBrat

August 10th, 2011
2:18 pm

Cause that’s where they’re learning it..most times, at home.

getting over is as much a learned behavior (often within the home from early childhood) as is doing whatever it takes to earn one’s keep. it takes a strong minded/willed individual to choose a different route.

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

August 10th, 2011
2:22 pm

Okay, you knew I couldn’t resist chiming in here all day, didn’t you? :lol:

First off, let me just acknowledge that fraud and abuse absolutely exists and absolutely is a problem with social safety net (I hate the “entitlement” label) programs. Of course, among those programs, the biggest issue with fraud is with Medicare, and it’s with fake providers stealing SSNs & filing fraudulent claims for products & services they don’t actually provide, not individual recipients fleecing the system.

But what has always confounded me, is how quick many people are to point to fraud and abuse in these programs and immediately use that as “proof” that the entire system is a failure & should be scrapped. Meanwhile, when Wall St & Corporate America f#ck over the average, working tax payer, many of those same folks don’t want a single bit of oversight or regulation on those crooks, who, by the way, when they f#ck you, they f#ck you HARD, with a super-sized mandigo shlong. :lol:

Every system can & will be abused. We definitely can & should find ways to limit that abuse, but that doesn’t mean those systems are intrinsically bad.

Fion

August 10th, 2011
2:22 pm

yeah!!! what she said.

Fion

August 10th, 2011
2:24 pm

….and what he said too!!!!!

Fion

August 10th, 2011
2:26 pm

In the game of life a lot of Folk really don’t want to win. They’ll settle for looking
good while they lose.

~Ciao~

SexyCool

August 10th, 2011
2:26 pm

Earlier this year, I was in a position to take advantage of a government assistance program when purchasing our home.

However, due to bad information on the part of my bank, I walked away from $16K because waiting on the money would have most likely meant that we lost the entire deal.

Now, had I been desparate for the money, I could have waited on it. And although I didn’t *need* it, I was well within my legal right to take advantage of it. In the end, though, the deal on the house was already so good that I didn’t want to chance losing it because of greed.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
2:26 pm

Yes it take strong willed mind to get above the fray. There are success stories of women having good business sense and pulling themselves up.

SexyCool

August 10th, 2011
2:30 pm

o/t – The sister in the Daugherty gang favors Bristol Palin.

Reio

August 10th, 2011
2:31 pm

The system is not intrinsically bad. There are people hurting and are in need. Saw a report that said that about 77% of all welfare recipients are on it for just over a year and are gone, never to return.
What we need to do is remove these children from those who keep having them, without the means to feed them. One congressman(do’nt remember who), said, years ago, that the best way to stop this is to automatically give custoduy of the child to the fathers. See what happens then.

Fion

August 10th, 2011
2:33 pm

@ Sexy
Danm, you mean it ain’t Bristol. I’ve got to smokin’ that Sunk in the middle of the day!

Lovely Brown

August 10th, 2011
2:33 pm

I don’t have an EBT card but do they allow folks to put actual money on the card to purchase the non-grocery items or something? That’s the only way I can see being able to buy 5 packs of Yakki straigh weave number 1b with an ebt card? Anyone know?

Slim- Just like they no longer issue paper food stamps, they no longer issue paper checks for AFDC or TANF as it is now called. All the benefits go on the card. Don’t even have to get up and go to the mail box or check cashing place anymore…..

Leggs

August 10th, 2011
2:34 pm

I was waiting for that, Fion (lol).

Into the Light

August 10th, 2011
2:35 pm

To your point ,Swiss, I think the reason people are so quick to point out the abuse of programs like food stamps, is nearly every one of us has had a first hand oberservation of an abuser, real or perceived. It’s a lot easier for me to point the finger at the family dressed head-to-toe in brand name finery paying with food stamps and going out to the Escalade and moving the golf clubs out of the back to load groceries than it is to point the finger at corporate America. Why? Because it was experienced FIRST HAND, and in the world we live in, perception is reality.

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
2:35 pm

One congressman(do’nt remember who), said, years ago, that the best way to stop this is to automatically give custoduy of the child to the fathers.

Please,please explain how that’s going to curb the problem….

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
2:36 pm

Reio:
LOL…..mandatory custody to the dad, that’s not a bad idea. It may stop them from getting these young lady’s pregnant and leaving it up to tax payers to cover the cost.

Leggs

August 10th, 2011
2:36 pm

I was hoping the Gang didn’t die in a shootout with the police. Glad them numbskulls were captured.

Into the Light

August 10th, 2011
2:37 pm

All the benefits go on the card

So, it’s one lump sum of money and can be spent on whatever?

czBrat

August 10th, 2011
2:38 pm

it’s good you got a sweet deal on the house, SC. and btw … it’s lovely! :) but i wouldn’t call it “greed” to benefit from a program that you rightfully qualified for. now some kinda finagling to get at goods that you technically should not have use of AND don’t need … that’s greedy.

Purple Reign

August 10th, 2011
2:39 pm

Give the kid to the dad and after that he will think to cover his pecker after having to raise a child first hand himself instead of feeling women up with his seed like it’s the thing to do.

Growing up I have seen people on welfare who were lazy and I’ve seen people who got government assitance for lost crops and productions and they claimed it was destroyed but they never even put in an effort to grow anything. My point is that if you don’t work, you should not eat. Unless you are handicapped or have an illness.

Reio

August 10th, 2011
2:39 pm

@ Sassy Me ;-) – Simple. He wears protection, cause he sure as hell ain’t gonna take care of no baby. She makes sure she does’nt get pregnant unless she can feed the baby. Problem pretty much solved.

SlimNu

August 10th, 2011
2:40 pm

swiss – well, we all know that the crimes doesn’t seem as bad than as when common folk commit them. For whatever reason, the stigma is if your aren’t a low wage worker, doing a little nickle and dime type stuff, not wearing a suit & tie etc, then it’s not that bad. When we all really know that’s where the bigger monetary type crimes are commited…UP top.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
2:40 pm

Sassy Me:
I’m sure if one these young men have to raise an infant, his mind set may change slightly no gaurantees but worth a shot.

Into the Light

August 10th, 2011
2:42 pm

BF and Reio: Will it be worth it to the child?

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

August 10th, 2011
2:44 pm

ITL & Slim — True and true. Just kinda sad, though.

Into the Light

August 10th, 2011
2:46 pm

Very sad, Swiss. But you know how it goes…it’s easier to pick the low-hanging fruit issues than to tackle the ones high up in the tree….

Reio

August 10th, 2011
2:47 pm

@ Into the Light – If the father is responsible enough to work and feed the baby and mom is not, yes, it’s worth it to the child. Remember, the child is given to dad to raise, only if mom can’t or won’t take care of them. Now, dad may or may not pay child support, but he tends to skate by, do nothing, and impregnates another. This way he gets called onto the carpet, big time.

SlimNu

August 10th, 2011
2:48 pm

And speaking of using the system to your advantage, I swear I just overheard a converstation with a guy that says he gets over $800 in food stamps because they have no way to trace his income. This fool isn’t starving by any means and he is always dressed to the nines in name brands. I find it hard to believe a dude could be getting that much in food assistance, but i’ve never had them so I’m not quite cure how it works unless you have a baseball team of kids.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
2:51 pm

ITL:
The default is the father will have to muster up will power and desire to raise the child. There are some that are willingly doing so and that’s a positive thing to see.

Mr_NYC

August 10th, 2011
2:51 pm

IT’s all the ultimate bait and switch. Get folks hair all raised up and squabbling with each other over penny ante stuff while the give us the business behind our backs. The real criminals are pulling the ultimate okey doke and we give them the carte blanche to do it.
Where else can you get somebody to give you a job/position and they know, in fact, expect that 95% of the promises made are lies and it’s accepted as normal. Now that’s a straight gangster move right there for real

Lovely Brown

August 10th, 2011
2:52 pm

So, it’s one lump sum of money and can be spent on whatever?

It’s whatever amount you get in FS and whatever amount you would get for other benefits. Part FS, Part cash. I received AFDC back in the day….. $196.00 a month was not enough for me to live off of. I found a job with the quickness. Plus, my mother always worked and I felt lazy when I didn’t. That’s just how I am. I know some benefits abusers and I know some folk that truly need all the assistance they get. It is what it is……

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
2:52 pm

He wears protection, cause he sure as hell ain’t gonna take care of no baby

If only it were that simple…yes there are men who would heed that advice but there are just as may who will lay up and get a woman/girl pregnant and still bounce…or better yet stay around and have more kids and still be a deadbeat.

I’m sure if one these young men have to raise an infant, his mind set may change slightly no gaurantees but worth a shot.

There are lots of single fathers out there….lots. My point is if you make that mistake ONCE then why/how would you get caught up and do it two,three more times. We’ve all seen cases like that that begs the question,”Didn’t you learn after the first one?”…but this goes either way though.

DreamsMaterialize

August 10th, 2011
2:52 pm

It isn’t only the systems that need overhauling, it’s people. We need to set expectations high and stop, directly or indirectly, rewarding detrimental behavior. We can point to everyone else all we want, but all change starts from within. Change yourself and your situation, extend that change to your household, your family, your community. Those changes alone will alleviate many of the burdens that we experience. The other problems require a more organized and sustained collective effort, which can’t even get off the ground without individuals handling their own business first.

Into the Light

August 10th, 2011
2:54 pm

Reio, I understand the basis of your logic but I think the flaw is in how many of those men (the ones who would otherwise be deadbeat dads) could be counted on to provide a good home? Or would they abandon their children to a relative or to the system?

AGAIN, I am not saying ALL MEN. I know there are a lot of great dads out there, and here on the blog.

Reio

August 10th, 2011
2:55 pm

@ BF – Yes that’s true. But that father, after getting custody of that first one, won’t be bringing another one in the world until he is ready for it.

SlimNu

August 10th, 2011
2:56 pm

When I got laid off I got $330/wk for unemployment. I applied for fs but I got denied because they said I made too much money. WTF! :roll:

Reio

August 10th, 2011
2:57 pm

@ Into the Light. There are laws against child abandonment. Even if they dump them onto a relative.

Into the Light

August 10th, 2011
3:00 pm

There are laws against not paying child support, too.

I understand your point, Reio, and if the men given the responsibility would step up and be good dads, I’d say it’s an excellent solution. I worry, though, that the one who would suffer most is the child.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
3:02 pm

We should all cry at the same time tonight. Get it out of our systems and start from scratch. Lets change the world, the poor babies starving to death in Somalia and dead beats over here bragging about how much food benefits they get it’s an awful shame.