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Dating under the influence

Call it one of life’s lessons: outside influences should not impact your relationship. Some of us had to learn the hard way. Like the time you over shared something about what was happening and it backfired on you.

We all have well meaning friends and relatives who want what is best for us. Sometimes they may get a little carried away and interfere, which actually could make things a lot worse. You could end up getting bad advice from someone who really should not have been able to influence your decisions or behavior at all.

Have you ever been influenced by people to make certain dating or relationship decisions?

How much do you share and how much do you keep close to the vest?

Would you ever dump someone because they were not liked by people in your circle?

One of my friends is seeing a woman that does not get along with his best friend. It is starting to become a problem because the best friend and girlfriend clash a lot. This leaves him sort of stuck in the middle. What would you do in this situation? Play peacemaker or keep them apart?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures In Atlanta Dating Blog

720 comments Add your comment

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
12:04 pm

LOL….@Mr_NYC

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
12:07 pm

Mr_NYC

August 10th, 2011
12:10 pm

Wait till the middle of the month when those EBT card holders start selling the leftover value at 50% to get the cash — best sale on the block right there

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
12:15 pm

Mr_NYC:
I would be first in line…..LOL
I want to know what Leggs saying you can get other than food, WTH.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
12:23 pm

Somebody call the exterminator for these crickets, I can stomp only so many of them. Well I know where they aren’t…..LOL

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
12:24 pm

EBT card holders start selling the leftover value at 50% to get the cash — best sale on the block right there

When I was in college looking for a Ramen noodle alternative, I did the food stamp deals a few times but then started feeling guilty cause I felt like I was contributing to neglect of a child(ren) because the parent…so I stopped doing it.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
12:30 pm

Sassy Me:
The Fed’s need to corale that thing in, it’s way out of what it was intended to serve for.

SexyCool

August 10th, 2011
12:34 pm

Sass – integrity and a sense of personal responsibility can be something else sometimes. Trust, I know.

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
12:41 pm

<emThe Fed’s need to corale that thing in

Yes they do Blackfoote…I was listening to the radio and heard that some parts of Florida want to mandate it such that people receiving any type of aid(food stamps/unemployment insurance) be routinely drug tested. The whole system needs to be overhauled but that’s another can of worms..

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
12:43 pm

Indeed it can Sexy…I felt like I’d gotten a ral good “come up” with the food stamp deal but my conscience couldn’t/wouldn’t let me do it.

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
12:44 pm

should’ve been *real*..

SexyCool

August 10th, 2011
12:47 pm

And forget waiting til mid-month, I have a neighbor that willing to do business the day she got hers.

Ashamedly, right after we moved, I took the deal a couple of times, but then, ended up telling TheDude that I just didn’t feel right about it and wouldn’t be doing it anymore.

Since I have stopped showing interest in doing *that* kind of business with her, I don’t see her, her girlfriend or either one of their kids EVER and they live right across the street.

Purple Reign

August 10th, 2011
12:48 pm

Instead of welfare move those people out to a farm and let them grow what they need or let them earn their “keep”. I support drug testing recipients and I think if you get pregnant while on it your benefits need to stop because that is just irresponsible.

czBrat

August 10th, 2011
12:51 pm

conscience and good moral fiber are all fine and good, but sometimes those hunger pangs just don’t let you think clearly.

random —-> coworker just told me she wears size 2 kids shoes. she is tiny but dang! that just don’t sound right. at all.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
1:01 pm

Purple:
Let them earn their keep. Understandably some people need the help no problem there. Others are just raping the system. Same goes for SSI.

czBrat

August 10th, 2011
1:02 pm

i sooooo want this $799 AI deal to panama on travelzoo!!! grrrrr. :mad:

must be feeding time on the blog. lemme get to the trough before it’s all gone.

SexyCool

August 10th, 2011
1:04 pm

The issue that I have with that is – how do you balance the system?

It is human nature that folks try to best position themselves to take advantage of any situation. And a lot of times that happens to the detriment of others.

How long is it before making them work for it amounts to little more than indentured service?

(And please don’t take this to mean that I don’ think that the system does not need an overhaul.)

SexyCool

August 10th, 2011
1:07 pm

Indentured service or share-cropping, that is?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
1:07 pm

I know this guy who gets SSI, why because he has a blood disorder. How the hell having a blood disorder can prevent one from working every day?

Purple Reign

August 10th, 2011
1:07 pm

Canal Zone, I have used this site often

http://www.offandaway.com/

Purple Reign

August 10th, 2011
1:09 pm

Sexy Cool, I just consider it earning their keep. They get paid like a w-2 employee and what they do with their money is on them. But no help outside of them getting paid for the work that they do. If they want better do better.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2011
1:10 pm

I know a lady on a list for kidney transplants, having to do dialysis every other day sick all the time but yet is working a full time job. I just don’t get it.

Purple Reign

August 10th, 2011
1:13 pm

I think waking up and doing some work beats just waking up and having no plan except to eat some food smoke, some weed and have sex living off of tax payers. If you are on welfare and not handicapped they should go till land or work in library a recycling center or volunteer at the United Way or something as long as they are on it. I am just really opposed to people getting stuff for free.

czBrat

August 10th, 2011
1:19 pm

thanx reign. travelzoo is a good deal, but you have to use it by 12/14. we are not planning to go until next year. i’ll add offandaway to my faves.

SC, i tellya the time i spent working at a tax credit apartment community was a serious eye opener as to just how crafty folks can be. there are more people out there claiming benefits while getting their side hustle on and just all-around living better than honest working families. smdh.

SexyCool

August 10th, 2011
1:20 pm

What I am opposed to is folks abusing the system.

Again, I agree that something needs to be done. The question is – what is that something?

With this particular thought pattern, it would make almost every welfare recipient a civil servant.

And we haven’t even touched unemployment benefit recipients, who typically end up as welfare recipients, especially the 99ers.

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
1:21 pm

I just don’t get it.

That’s the thing…you have some people who are worthy,yet get denied benefits(or don’t even try to get them) and then you have some who qualify through a loop hole and ride it til the wheels fall off.

Purple Reign

August 10th, 2011
1:22 pm

IMP, nothing wrong with them being a civil servant, better than being a leach to society.

Purple Reign

August 10th, 2011
1:23 pm

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
1:25 pm

there are more people out there claiming benefits while getting their side hustle on and just all-around living better than honest working families.

I know a FAMILY like that…the mom is on some type of assisstance as are her two daughters but all three work a job where they get paid “under the table”… Most times when I see them they’re fresh to death and they joke about how poor they look when they go to see their case worker at “the welfare house”(that’s what they call it but idk why)..

SexyCool

August 10th, 2011
1:27 pm

And as one who grew up in an under the income limit household that qualified for benefits, I can promise you that we were not living “high on the hog.” The assistance that came in as WIC and government food subsidies (gubment cheese) and food stamps was used to stretch what money my grandmother had.

I didn’t own a pair of name brand ANYthing that didn’t come from a garage sale or the white lady across town or a pair of shoes that did not come from TG&Y or Payless until I had a job and bought them myself.

In the summertime, I wasn’t playing and sleeping in and watching cartoons. My grandmother had us in the fields, picking peas and butter beans and canning in the afternoons and riding up and down dirt roads, picking up aluminum cans.

So, the thought process that EVERY welfare recipient is lazy and good for nothing and doesn’t deserve it doesn’t necessarily fly with me.

czBrat

August 10th, 2011
1:31 pm

i have a niece who treats these programs like a second income. she thinks nothing of walking off a job or just not showing up for work simply because she can reactivate whatever benefits she’s grown accustomed to with little or no prob whatsoever.

where’s the incentive to deal with the conditions your employer is PAYING you to deal with in order to handle your bills and feed yourself and your son out of your own checking account!?!
that is one chick who simply missed the lesson on pride and work ethic.

Willie Dynamite

August 10th, 2011
1:34 pm

Afternoon All,

On Topic – By nature I’m a vey private person. I don’t have alot of friends (3) that I even talk to a a regular basis. We’ve been friends for over 20 years and they dont offer advice but will tell me when I’m fugging up. Two of those cats are what i consider mentors and have always given me life advice straight no chaser. They dont comment on specific relationship advice or you should do this type of stuff.
I do have 1 time I broke all of my rules in college. The one that got away. i had a buddy that was going back and telling my chick everything (i mean everything). He ended up getting her. I dont blame him cause I was foul but I learned that Wolves do indeed travel in packs. Since then I been my own 1 man wolfpack. Of course I still have people I bounce things off of but My Life is just that. My Life.

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
1:44 pm

So, the thought process that EVERY welfare recipient is lazy and good for nothing and doesn’t deserve it doesn’t necessarily fly with me.

That’s true…there are some people that NEED the system and others who don’t but still reap the benefits b/c they can….what to do?

Leggs

August 10th, 2011
1:45 pm

@BF ~ I can’t think of anything right now. I just remember being surprised at certain things one can get with EBT. As soon as I come up with something, I’ll let you know.

Mr_NYC

August 10th, 2011
1:45 pm

The system needs to be taken off of life support and a new design started. Help needs to be provided — temporarily — to those who’ve fallen on hard times. Help needs to be provided though in a way that allows folks to maintain their dignity and not create an entire socioeconomic generation of dependency on largesse.
Interesting to look at how many of these programs strated out as political tools and vote-getters and thus have morphed into the resource sucking monsters they have become today.

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
1:46 pm

Since then I been my own 1 man wolfpack. Of course I still have people I bounce things off of but My Life is just that. My Life.

well said…

Fion

August 10th, 2011
1:48 pm

I don’t get into the political conversations often on this Blog, but I’ll add this.
There are far more people needing the assistance than quote un quote “Ripping off the system”.
If no one saw it, last week it was reported that 1/3, 33% of the population of the state of Alabama was on Food Stamps.
There are legitimate people in need. Don’t abuse of any system cloud your vision.

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
1:49 pm

I just remember being surprised at certain things one can get with EBT.

I’m surprised regularly as well…I’ve noticed(especially in the hood) the number of hand written signs that read “Now accepting EBT cards” in the front of several stores(beauty supply,likka,gas stations,etc.)

SexyCool

August 10th, 2011
1:52 pm

Fion – I actually consider this conversation to be more social conversation than a political discussion.

SlimNu

August 10th, 2011
1:53 pm

Ok, I made it back…so we’re discussing goverment assistance, trifling abusers, ebt cards…Hmmmm Just the other day I saw a delivery truck for some type of store that had “Now accepting ebt cards with no delivery charge”

Fion

August 10th, 2011
1:53 pm

I meant don’t let abuse of…………

SexyCool

August 10th, 2011
1:55 pm

However, I’m sure *some*one will come in and make it so.

Fion

August 10th, 2011
1:56 pm

Just as a footnote, we spend $1billion a month in Afghanistan. There would have be a whoooooole
lot of Shenanigans going on to equal that tab.

Willie Dynamite

August 10th, 2011
1:57 pm

Let me first say I agree that the system needs overhauling. Most importantly I think as a society we tend to place emphasis on the smal things that are in our arena daily. We may notice pookie and Boomquisha getting $300 worth of food stamps and cry outrage. Do we notice or get outraged at Halliburton getting billions. Do we notice or get outraged at our representatives cozying up to Big oil while they report earnings in the billions and you are deciding on whether to put 1/2 tank or fuill it up. How about any other high level high dollar scheme (for lack of a better word) that is perpetrated ongoing.

SexyCool

August 10th, 2011
1:59 pm

WillieD/Fion – you guys just took the words right off of my fingertips.

There is corruption at all levels. Whether it be a $100 a month illgotten in the hood or a $100 million a year illgotten on a corporate level.

Sassy Me ;-)

August 10th, 2011
1:59 pm

Willie we are cognizant of those issues as well,however, EBT cards was the subject. We’re aware….

Leggs

August 10th, 2011
2:01 pm

Exactly, SassyMe. It’s the signs around town I’ve noticed that accepts EBT. You look at the store and wonder WTH are they going to buy from there with an EBT!

Fion

August 10th, 2011
2:01 pm

@ WIllie D

that’s all I’m saying. Are we all angry, you damn straight, but I for one will not miss place my anger.
I’m not gonna hit the ‘Bus Boy”. Let me slap the onwer for selling 10day old meat!!!

SlimNu

August 10th, 2011
2:03 pm

I don’t have an EBT card but do they allow folks to put actual money on the card to purchase the non-grocery items or something? That’s the only way I can see being able to buy 5 packs of Yakki straigh weave number 1b with an ebt card? Anyone know?

Button

August 10th, 2011
2:03 pm

Yeah what Willie Dynamite said…..