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Should women offer to pay?

I received an email from a guy who is dating someone older than he is. He pursued her in the beginning and didn’t take issue with paying. Now that they are in an exclusive relationship, he expected her to offer to reciprocate more.

Since she supposedly makes more money then he does (he doesn’t know for sure), he wonders if not offering to pay is a sign of selfishness. He is apprehensive about bringing the topic up because he doesn’t want to come across as cheap. How should he handle it?

Do you think that women should offer to pay more often? Is it something men are expecting us to do in the early stages of dating?

When there is a difference in income, how do you navigate dating so that it is balanced and fair?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

419 comments Add your comment

czBrat

August 9th, 2011
4:37 pm

oh we caught it…just assumed his ex was blowing him and you didn’t mind
exactly!
:lol:

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 9th, 2011
4:38 pm

@ITL…right. I swear I have changed three or four times on the first date sometimes, trying to make it the right look.

czBrat

August 9th, 2011
4:39 pm

most of you fellas throw on anything and spend 15 minutes tops getting ready,
i may have to chalk this one up to being naive but, really??

SlimNu

August 9th, 2011
4:39 pm

No offense but to say a man should pay for food and drinks just because a woman spends X amount of time getting ready sounds a bit juvenile. Spend an hour beautifying yourself, just because you want to look good. But hey, do whatever tickles your pickle

meanwhile back at the ranch, slims beau is getting blowed by his ex

Creeper

August 9th, 2011
4:40 pm

Sandy-I hear yah. Any self respecting, professional man, puts effort into getting prepared for a date. As for me, I get weekly hair cuts, the whip is always spotless, clothes laudered and shoes shined to perfection cause I care about how I look. Don’t know what type of fellas you are used to but not everyone is “ready roll”.

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:41 pm

@RandyT ~ can you leave the EOD. I’m tired, hungry and bored!

Into the Light

August 9th, 2011
4:41 pm

:) I think that’s nice, Randy. I can’t speak for Sandy, but I’m used to men who take time with their appearance…. and smell SOOOOO good. :)

Into the Light

August 9th, 2011
4:42 pm

“ready roll” ….ha!!

Creeper

August 9th, 2011
4:44 pm

Into the Light–It’s nice to know that the Ladies appreciate a sharp dressed brother, like myself.

czBrat

August 9th, 2011
4:45 pm

ciao all!
get home safely :)

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 9th, 2011
4:45 pm

EOD…may be too long but my son was feeling down last week and I sent him this…

Dare Greatly
It is not the critic who counts; nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcomings; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end, the triumph of high achievement; and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

~ Theodore Roosevelt (1858–1919)

Celisea

August 9th, 2011
4:47 pm

Okay I’m confused….ITL….are you a woman or man? Just asking. Not being smart or funny. Your posts aren’t overtly manly or womanly.

Purple Reign

August 9th, 2011
4:48 pm

Sandy well you have to date guys that pull their pants up and don’t wear air force ones out to dinner at AppleBee’s… Does the guy ever offer you a #3 Super Sized?

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:48 pm

I know I do, Creeper!

Creeper

August 9th, 2011
4:49 pm

DANG!…LMAO.

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:49 pm

@RandyT ~ awwww nevamind (lol)!

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 9th, 2011
4:50 pm

Buona sera, ciao.

Into the Light

August 9th, 2011
4:50 pm

Celisea: woman

Me, too, Leggs!!

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:50 pm

That’s very encouraging to send to your son!

Celisea

August 9th, 2011
4:51 pm

Purple Purple Purple – You’re on a pimp roll I see today.

Into the Light

August 9th, 2011
4:51 pm

Purp, ask her if she pays for her own cheese….. :)

Creeper

August 9th, 2011
4:51 pm

It’s all in the upbringing. My moms always said…”Nobody wants a rust azz, stanking man…Nobody” LOL Thank Moms.

Creeper

August 9th, 2011
4:52 pm

My Pops was the sharpest dude on the block. He taught us well.

SexyCool

August 9th, 2011
4:53 pm

Creeper – I have not heard the phrase “ready roll” in YEARS!!! OMG – that so brought back memories of my grandmother. Thank you so much!

For Real

August 9th, 2011
4:53 pm

i know i’m late but i can resist.

slim and her new dude:

Slim: Snow bunny what you got planned tonight?

New Dude: Um nothing much Jangga Lang, except the ex is coming over to blow me.

Slim: Well, you be careful now cause I seen your ex teeth.

SexyCool

August 9th, 2011
4:54 pm

ForReal – my fave comedian. Dude, seriously, you have missed your calling. You should be a comedy writer. For real…

Sassy Me ;-)

August 9th, 2011
4:55 pm

Totally off topic: I watched the finale of Thirsty Baskeball chicks last night and as SOON AS I saw Eric n Jen I thought about you ladies and laughed til I cried :mrgreen:

Creeper

August 9th, 2011
4:56 pm

Sexy, my grandmother was good for sayings like that. LOL

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:56 pm

@ForReal ~ apparently you CAN’T resist. :wink:

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:57 pm

I thought her divorce party and the cake was very distateful!!!

Alabama Guy

August 9th, 2011
4:59 pm

I once dated someone for a long time and during the entire time we basically split the costs of whatever we did. She established the ground rules on the second date when she reached for the check over my protest. She calmly stated “I make as much money as you and I am paying the check.” The pattern evolved that we alternated picking up the check, not on a strict one for one basis but it balanced out overall. One particular trip she paid for the airfare and I picked up the hotel then we worked our regular routine on drinks and meals. She took me on a trip to the islands, paying for the entire trip and the next year I carried her to London. Many of my female friends were aghast that I did not pay for everything, all of the time. However, the result of our arrangement was that we got to do twice as many things as we would have if I had been the sole financier of our times together. That is the bottom line, sharing the expenses allows a couple to do more together. It is not a matter of right and wrong but just a practical approach to dating.

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
5:00 pm

That’s what I’m talking about Alabama Guy! Good for you!

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 9th, 2011
5:00 pm

@ Alabama Guy…well stated.

Sassy Me ;-)

August 9th, 2011
5:01 pm

I thought her divorce party and the cake was very distateful

Yeah she should’ve waited to have the party and sooooo could’ve done without that cake but it made her feel better…

SexyCool

August 9th, 2011
5:01 pm

O/T – I *hate* a too talkative interviewee. Sheesh…shutdahellup already.

For Real

August 9th, 2011
5:02 pm

RandyT: I like that quote. My football coach use to use that at halftime when we were behind. Afterwards we were ready to run through a wall for coach. Imma run through one for old time sake.

For Real now regretting running into the wall.

Sassy Me ;-)

August 9th, 2011
5:03 pm

That is the bottom line, sharing the expenses allows a couple to do more together. It is not a matter of right and wrong but just a practical approach to dating

worth repeating…

Have a great evening folks!!!!

Into the Light

August 9th, 2011
5:03 pm

LOL@SC. Did (s)he get the nervous ramble going???

Creeper

August 9th, 2011
5:04 pm

Alabama Guy- I would be open for that. However, the key would be to find a broad that was willing to FULLY cooperate, not just when it was financially convenient.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 9th, 2011
5:05 pm

@ For Real…bravery tempered with forethought…safer. ;-)

SexyCool

August 9th, 2011
5:05 pm

ITL – I just want to tear my damn hair out right now. She is a cross between nerves and know-it-all and trying too hard to demonstrate that she is a match.

For Real

August 9th, 2011
5:06 pm

What ScooL and Leggs. I saw where y’all was talking about traveling. Europe is nice well at least the spots that have not been overran by tourist. The one thing I learned from traveling is the more time you spend with the locals the better time you will have.

Into the Light

August 9th, 2011
5:06 pm

For Real, you are too funny! My co-workers are wondering what the french I’m cracking up about….

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
5:07 pm

@Creeper ~ calling a woman a “broad” is a No No!

Creeper

August 9th, 2011
5:08 pm

The bottom line for me is this: If you can’t afford to date then DON’T date. That goes for dudes and broads.

Into the Light

August 9th, 2011
5:08 pm

Ooooohhhhh noooooo….. That is the worst, SC. Then they start doing the “pageant contestant” answers. “I think I would be a great fit for this company because this company needs people who are a great fit. And I know that I am a great fit.” or something equally nauseating…..

Creeper

August 9th, 2011
5:09 pm

Leggs-Ok, did not mean to offend.

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
5:10 pm

Don’t get me wrong, although I did have a divorce party, I didn’t have it in front of America humiliating the ex!

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
5:10 pm

Thank you, sir!!!

For Real

August 9th, 2011
5:11 pm

“bravery tempered with forethought…safer.” – Agreed but I haven’t heard that in such a long time it just brought back memories of my gridiron days and me feeling invincible.

For Real now thinking about jogging home for old time sake. 90 degree with a heat index of 105 degrees??? For Real now slapping the ish out himself.