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Should women offer to pay?

I received an email from a guy who is dating someone older than he is. He pursued her in the beginning and didn’t take issue with paying. Now that they are in an exclusive relationship, he expected her to offer to reciprocate more.

Since she supposedly makes more money then he does (he doesn’t know for sure), he wonders if not offering to pay is a sign of selfishness. He is apprehensive about bringing the topic up because he doesn’t want to come across as cheap. How should he handle it?

Do you think that women should offer to pay more often? Is it something men are expecting us to do in the early stages of dating?

When there is a difference in income, how do you navigate dating so that it is balanced and fair?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

419 comments Add your comment

Purple Reign

August 9th, 2011
4:03 pm

Randyt, sound like your new woman has plans for you and only you. I know her actions made you feel good!

SlimNu

August 9th, 2011
4:04 pm

Purp – Nope, not at all. If there is any hinderance in my current situation for the future, it would have nothing at all to do with the ex.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 9th, 2011
4:04 pm

PR…yeah. She is awesome.

Purple Reign

August 9th, 2011
4:05 pm

Slim, but how do youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu know that it is not a hinderance? LOL would your current sit right beside you while you are on the phone with the ex and not have any issue with it at all? (time to have fun it’s after 4pm)

Fion

August 9th, 2011
4:05 pm

@BWM
You make me laugh every time I read your post.You can’t be that mad. lol ,

Purple Reign

August 9th, 2011
4:06 pm

Randyt, women always say a man will make a “power move” for his lady. But us men know when a lady makes a “power move” for us too. :)

Fion

August 9th, 2011
4:06 pm

My goodness. meant @BMW

czBrat

August 9th, 2011
4:08 pm

reign, we are planning a trip to tuscany in april. my SIL just got back from venice and said it reminded her of the bronx :shock:

speaking of exes, as much as s/o has had a prob with my friendship with an ex, HIS ex has begun asking family members what they think of me because “clearly things are serious between them”. i’ve been told more than once that she may have minor misgivings about having divorced him over financial issues. i’m keeping eyes wide open as to whether or not she might be feeling like she wants another shot. she already seems to be using the kid to get more of his time, attention and funds. oh well. here we go!

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:08 pm

“…still come over unannounced and end up telling her how he loved her and she was being unfaithful by dating me (even though they broke up several months ago).” – do you not see a problem with this line of thinking and the possibility that he may snap??

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:09 pm

Damn, Venice reminded her of The Bronx. Shiet!

Fion

August 9th, 2011
4:12 pm

@Leggs
That’s what I said. I ain’t been to Venice, but I’ve been to and seen the Bronx.
If that’s true I’m burning my passport.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 9th, 2011
4:12 pm

@ Leggs…I have wondered if he would go postal. Apparently he has a bunch of guns. However it is very different killing an animal and killing a human being. Most aren’t wired that way.

Purple Reign

August 9th, 2011
4:12 pm

CanalZone, it depends on when you go. LOL it can be over crowded somtimes but you just have to get out to the other islands during those times. LOL@ The Bronx.

Creeper

August 9th, 2011
4:14 pm

Randy, man well at least she is setting boundaries, that’s a good sign. But if ole dude try to be a hard head be prepared to let him know what’s up. Get yo respect from the rip and you should not have any problems.

Purple Reign

August 9th, 2011
4:14 pm

Milan is just like any metro area year round. Venice is fine, except when it gets crowded mostly by people coming on cruise ships. But leave the docking areas and explore.

SexyCool

August 9th, 2011
4:15 pm

czB – for some reason, for a lot of folks, the food looks better on someone else’s plate than it did when it was on theirs.

czBrat

August 9th, 2011
4:15 pm

LOL. i know. i was surprised too. i guess i’ve pretty much romanticized italy in it’s entirety in my mind. and that statement, coming from a retired NY finest just don’t inspire confidence. at all.

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:16 pm

@RandyT ~ glad to hear it. I don’t dismiss talk like that. That’s a big sign and should never be dismissed. Mental note, front and center!

You just slapped the taste of Venice right out my mouth. I’m not going anywhere close to where I came from. What’s the point of spending that kind of money to see almost the same way of life? NOT!

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

August 9th, 2011
4:16 pm

FION…..like hell I ain’t!!!! :lol:

Purple Reign

August 9th, 2011
4:17 pm

Go to Zelarino or Mestre areas of Venice

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:17 pm

Get yo respect from the rip and you should not have any problems.

Worth repeating!

Fion

August 9th, 2011
4:17 pm

@CzBratz
I know Venice is an old city 12th century (I think), but the Bronx!

cba

August 9th, 2011
4:18 pm

Randyt, I took a continuing ed class in nuclear construction a few months ago. We were told there was no internet access while you are in the plant. One of our instructors worked at the plant in SC. I don’t know how many or which plant in SC. He’s a chemist by trade but that’s not his current position. I really like the guy, he’s around 60.

SlimNu

August 9th, 2011
4:19 pm

PR – How would it be a hinderance when I hardly ever talk to the ex? I’m with the beau almost 3 to 6 days out of the week. When I’m with him, my phone is not hidden so he can clearly see who is calling, etc. He would sit beside me if I were on the phone with exman, as I’ve been next to him when he spoke with his ex. And he also let me know that even during the times his ex was blowing him, that he did talk to her. Btw, how does this constitute as ‘fun’?

Just like Evelyn told Tammi, the ex is a non-mfing factor :lol:

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 9th, 2011
4:20 pm

@ cba…no Internet inside restricted areas. I’m in an office building. Still should not be blogging, but I’m tired and I’m caught up.

@ PR…L’italia è un paese meraviglioso.

czBrat

August 9th, 2011
4:22 pm

you’re right SC. i guess what bugs me about that way of thinking is that i’m a “when i’m done, i’m DONE!” kinda gal. i can maintain a friendship with no desire to revisit where i’ve already been. i don’t get folks who have a change of heart because “hmmm. maybe you weren’t so bad after all.”

Purple Reign

August 9th, 2011
4:23 pm

Slim, because I am about to take the conversation in a different direction, put your claws up.

czBrat

August 9th, 2011
4:23 pm

that makes sense, reign. they went on one of those perillo tours out of NYC. must be absolute droves of tourists crawling all over everything at the same damn time. like alien ants!

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:24 pm

@PR ~ I thought along the same lines with her phrasing it the way she did (lol)…

Purple Reign

August 9th, 2011
4:26 pm

Randyt,Sei molto gentile….sono italiano :)

czBrat

August 9th, 2011
4:27 pm

it makes perfect sense, though. i can honestly say that, as beautiful as panama is, if you visit the caribbean coastal port where all the cruise ships dock and where they have the duty free shopping it’s a friggin nightmare. thieves everywhere preying on tourists. i would NEVER!

Creeper

August 9th, 2011
4:27 pm

SlimNu-yo mind is playing tricks on you….jedi mind tricks to be specfic. LOL

Into the Light

August 9th, 2011
4:27 pm

he also let me know that even during the times his ex was blowing him :shock:

Purple Reign

August 9th, 2011
4:28 pm

CZ, Leggs if the ship leaves from NYC and goes there….there is nothing but NYC’ers around you when you get there. LOL

SlimNu

August 9th, 2011
4:28 pm

And he also let me know that even during the times his ex was blowing him, that he did talk to her

um…i meant to say, times his ex was blowing up his phone…not blowing him :shock: :lol: Surprised no one else caught that hehehehe

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:29 pm

That’s what I’m talking about, ITL.

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:30 pm

We knew what you were saying, SlimNu, or rather what you didn’t say.

Purple Reign

August 9th, 2011
4:31 pm

Slim, see that is how it starts. A simple blowing. LOL

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:31 pm

@SlimNu~ I think everyone caught it but left it alone!

Purple Reign

August 9th, 2011
4:31 pm

Baby my ex blowing me means nothing….I love YOU!

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 9th, 2011
4:32 pm

Into the Light

August 9th, 2011
4:32 pm

Sorry, couldn’t resist. It’s after 4 and it’s Tipsy Tuesday. Where’s Dreams? Ho bisogno di bere…

Purple Reign

August 9th, 2011
4:32 pm

Leggs, yeah I mean they may have a free blowing relationship. Who knows? LOL

Leggs

August 9th, 2011
4:33 pm

As long as no one head gets blown off. Wait, that too doesn’t sound right. Nevamind…

sandy

August 9th, 2011
4:34 pm

Man pays early on. We women spend a lot of money on our hair, make-up, clothes, accessories to b e attractive to you, whereas most of you fellas throw on anything and spend 15 minutes tops getting ready, but it takes me an hour. So, it is fair for the man to pay the money on the food/drinks, because I paid the money to look good and paid the time to look good. That said I start throwing in money after a few dates because it is just rude not to. But don’t whine, fellas…we put a lot into it that you are not thinking about.

Into the Light

August 9th, 2011
4:34 pm

LOL@Leggs. Didn’t Swiss address that earlier?

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 9th, 2011
4:35 pm

…and I remembered that you are.

SlimNu

August 9th, 2011
4:36 pm

Okay, yall got me on that one… :lol:

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 9th, 2011
4:36 pm

oh we caught it…just assumed his ex was blowing him and you didn’t mind. ;-)

Into the Light

August 9th, 2011
4:37 pm

whereas most of you fellas throw on anything and spend 15 minutes tops getting ready

I’m gonna have to defend the guys on this one. MOST of the men I know, at least for the first couple of dates, make sure that the car is detailed, hair is freshly cut, and clothes came out of the cleaners that day.