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Closed to open marriages?

One of my favorite recording artists, Jill Scott, caused a little buzz on Twitter yesterday. She happened to ask the question, “What do you think about open relationships?”, which garnered loads of responses.

She went on to pose this scenario “The love of your life cheats and is honest about it. Your life with him/her is everything but monogamous. Do you stay?”

I actually had to think about it for a long time! Do I walk away or do I find a way to handle it? The older I get, the more I realize what is most important.

If I had to make a choice, I would want/prefer my man to tell me before he explores his attraction to other women. Now does this mean I would jump for joy if my husband/partner sought out other people while we are supposed to be exclusive? Absolutely not! I can barely share a remote control!

I just think when two people commit to a life together, I can appreciate the deep honesty it takes to explore an open relationship.

For a long time, I believed that I wasn’t built to commit to one person. Although I have never cheated in a relationship, I simply questioned if I was capable of being with one man for the rest of my life. Could he be enough? Could I be enough? Could we convince each other that “we” were enough?

For the record, I don’t believe that open marriage is just about women kowtowing to male desires. It’s not always about having sanctioned trips to the sexual buffet of women.

To be perfectly honest, I think exploring an open relationship is like this really pragmatic approach to commitment. It’s for those who believe that it is impossible for one person to fulfill all your needs.

If the most painful part of cheating is the deception and lies, will being honest about your attraction to other people make a difference?

Could you be in an open relationship? Could you define an open marriage on your own terms?

Would you tell people that you had that kind of relationship?

What are your apprehensions about the idea?

Do you think more single people would marry if the open marriage option was on the table? Not talking about swinging lifestyle, per se. I am referring to a couple both agreeing to let each other know when they meet someone they feel a strong attraction to.

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

477 comments Add your comment

Just Call Me G

August 4th, 2011
7:09 am

I think that cheating comes with a lot of emotions that go beyond the deception and lies. I think that if they are honest about their attraction to other people it may lessen the blow but it still would hurt. I think being honest from the start can give the couple their options and include both opinions as opposed to one just going out and acting on their actions. I also think it gives them a chance to see how it would really effect other aspects around them and in their relationship. When people cheat I dont think they think of anyone but themselves and never consider the other persons feelings or is able to put themselves in the others shoes but once it is brought out into the open, then they can see how painful it may be and it puts the whole situation into perspective.

I could not be in an open relationship or marriage. It defeats the whole purpose. You are in a relationship because you ONLY want that person and that person does the best job of satisfying you on your own terms no matter what they may be. I feel like if you want your relationship to be “open” you may as well be single and DATE people as opposed to being in what is supposed to be a monogamous relationship

Oh…and Good morning :)

czBrat

August 4th, 2011
7:54 am

Hi Yas!
If I ever agreed to an open relationship you can bet I’m not that into him. Some things I just choose to be selfish about.

More later. Time to go play in traffic.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
8:14 am

Could/would I be in an open marriage? Not just no, but H*LL NO!! My definition of marriage is a covenant made between a man and a woman before God to be faithful and loving for life. Whether your SO condones it or not, “stepping out” is adultery and God does not condone that.

I’m not “open minded” enough to understand people who have an open marriage, nor do I want to be. Regardless of how they might try to justify it, sooner or later feelings of jealousy or insecurity are going to creep in. And, quite frankly, I think you’d have to be either insecure or not not give a rat’s tail about your SO’s feelings to even consider it.

Tammie

August 4th, 2011
8:16 am

Do you mean would I be open to a marriage that is not a marriage?

What a stupid question!

Larry Sinclair

August 4th, 2011
8:16 am

Yes, Barry and I are open to it, just as long as Michelle doesn’t find out. LOL!

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!

Sweet Pea

August 4th, 2011
8:25 am

Good Morning!

JCMG/CZ, I agree with you. I don’t understand this concept of a marriage where you can be with whomever you desire while having a spouse and NO ONE gets hurt!! Where is the real committment??? There is none. It may be a covenant in their eyes, however it’s obvious God surely isn’t in this one..JUST CAN’T DO IT

Sweet Pea

August 4th, 2011
8:27 am

@ITL~I agree with you as well

Mingo

August 4th, 2011
8:30 am

Yes, I’m for it, as long as my woman stays at home. It sounds bad, but it’s a fact that men have more sex urges then women and therefore have the need to “sow their seed”. It’s just a biological requirement. I’m very upfront about it with her and it doesnt seem to bother her that much. She asked once if she could meet one of my lady friends and possibly join in, but chickened out later. Too bad. It Would have been fun and would have allowed her to experience something new.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
8:35 am

Morning, Sweet Pea! :)

I always smile when I see your name, because Sweet Pea is my mom’s pet name for me.

Just Call Me G

August 4th, 2011
8:38 am

Mingo- So it is okay for a man to do it because of this so called “biological requirement”? but not for the woman?

That makes no sense!

Why bother

August 4th, 2011
8:42 am

What is the purpose of being in a ‘marriage” or ”relationship” if you are stil exploring other options?
True is you may find something more appealing, but if you choose to commit that should be it.

Mingo to G

August 4th, 2011
8:42 am

Yes, that is what I think. Men are just made to breed. It is a biological/brain thing that we can’t help. If a woman shares her man, I see it as letting him do what he is upposed to do. As I mentioned in my first post, she can still participate with the other lady if she wants, but that is her choice.

ME

August 4th, 2011
8:45 am

Okay, allow at least one post from someone who is married and participates in something of an “open” marriage. We are totally committed to each other as it relates to emotion, i.e. I’m dearly in love with her and vice versa. The simple fact of the matter is that we enjoy sex with multiple partners. This isn’t something we do every night or even every month but we have a lot of fun just having sex with no emotions, no strings, no jealousy, no drama, etc. We do have our guidelines as it relates to this and for us, contrary to what you may think or feel, it isn’t “cheating” provided we both “play within the rules”. I am, in no manner, stating that “everyone should try it” as this type of lifestyle simply isn’t for everyone. We happen to enjoy it and it works well for us.

Lady Strange

August 4th, 2011
8:45 am

For me, no way! I do not share!

I am a monogamous person and only want to be with someone who is monogamous too. If others are happy in an open relationship or marriage and it works for them then go for it. That way is not for me but I do know some people that it works for.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 4th, 2011
8:46 am

In two words “HEELLLLL NOOOOO”. I don’t share my toys, nor do I explore if in a committed relationship. Just not me. If she wants her jollies somewhere else, or if I do…then get out and set the other free.

My take.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
8:47 am

Nope can’t do it.
Morning Lady’s.

coffeecoffee25

August 4th, 2011
8:48 am

I know 2 couples who have relationships like that and it works for them. Me, I couldn’t do it.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
8:48 am

Good morning, BF. Morning, Randyt.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 4th, 2011
8:49 am

I should have read the posts…Into the Light already said it all.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 4th, 2011
8:52 am

Morning ITL. I have a hard enough time with the awareness of my love interests having previous lovers, much less current ones or future ones. Another reason for, at least in my case, not talking nor asking about former lovers. i don’t need or want the visuals. (Hey I’m a Scorpio through and through, and jealous even if I am the “best ever” by their accounts).

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
8:52 am

RandyT yes she did, and well stated.

A Realist

August 4th, 2011
8:52 am

Solomon had how many wives again? God didn’t seem to have any problem with his multiple mistresses. Didn’t sarah give Abraham the go-ahead to get with Hagar? So it looks like open marriages were just fine according to God.

Marriage is not just about sex. The people who I know in open marriages don’t step out as much as you think. Having to talk out your decision and let your partner know about it, destroys any illicit appeal. They have mutual respect enough to let the other person know, in fact the spouse HAS to be informed, that’s the decision they both made.

And many people don’t think about illnesses such as diabetes, and injuries that do not permit intercourse between a married couple. It makes sense for some people, but nor for everyone. It’s not a cure all, and it requires much more maturity than a “traditional” marriage.

Just look at all the traditional married couples who cheat on each other. Obviously, regular marriage isn’t working all that well either.

Stonethrower

August 4th, 2011
8:56 am

To paraphrase the late Z Z Hill, would you want the whole neighborhood dipping in your sugar bowl?

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 4th, 2011
8:56 am

@ ME and Realist…I don’t don’t point the finger at those that do (although it should be both partners, not just one saying it is okay). Whatever floats your boat. I just don’t have the psyche for it myself.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
9:05 am

I have no issues that you or your spouse is satisfied with that lifestyle. No reason to justify since it is you two and others who is comfortable lving out your fantasies through multiple partners.

Brown Eyed Girl!

August 4th, 2011
9:06 am

Why are we now reducing ourselves to being lower than animals? In the wild, most animals mate for LIFE…not til the next good tail comes along! We can commit to jobs, cars and a host of other things, but we can’t commit to a relationship with a person? My husband gets on my last nerves sometimes. But when I committed 10 years ago, I meant it to be for life. @ITL you hit the nail on the head honey! I think you need to say it again…maybe in all caps!!

They Call Me Easy..

August 4th, 2011
9:10 am

A wise person once said, “For a marriage to last forever, A couple have to reach the state of mind where they both and unequivocally love God, more than they love themselves..”..

I am not God, but I am 10000% sure He wont suscribe to this..it just defeats the whole purpose of marriage..

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
9:11 am

Good morning. This is going to be very interesting.

I can’t do it, but don’t knock those that do. Live your life that best suits you. I agree with whoever said why get married, to honor and cherish that one person in the eyes of God to then turn around and give yourself to another.

Like Just Call said earlier, honesty more than likely will soften the blow than going behind one’s back. An open relationship means just that, being open with the other party so they are knowledgeable and can make an informed decision if they have the constitution to pull through together. To not discuss is not an open relationship, it’s a one-way road to adultry!

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
9:11 am

Morning lovelies!

To answer all of the questions posed….HECK NO!!

No way would I EVER knowingly, in my sound mind agree to sharing a spouse, mate or SO. Label it insecure, overbearing, clingy, needy….whatevs…lol Not happening. IMO, these sort of discussions just give way and enables folks to be less and less accountable.

Attraction is often something that I’m sure many have found themselves caught up in with “another” at some point and time but really, that’s easy. As quickly as you recognize it’s there you can easily side step it….nothing venture nothing gained. It’s something that can naturally happen given the amount of time, space and place shared with other individual. Even so, it’s not an excuse either. And just because one is “big enough” to admit, ummm you don’t get a pass either.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
9:14 am

Brown Eyes:
One say it is biological, one say it’s biblical, another say there are rules to be obeyed. It’s Apparent nobody is sure why they are doing it.

Sweet Pea

August 4th, 2011
9:15 am

ITL~I’m glad it makes you smile..it was my nickname in during my youngster years although some relatives still prefer to call me that at the ripe age of 45! LOL

In two words “HEELLLLL NOOOOO”..RandyT, this response reminded me of Whitney’s classic Hell to the Naw!

I can’t imagine having a phlethora of folks “getting it in” my marriage and it not affect my pysche so on that note, I’d rather remain solo and sane! I can’t go for that..No can do!

Brown Eyed Girl!

August 4th, 2011
9:17 am

“Solomon had how many wives again? God didn’t seem to have any problem with his multiple mistresses. Didn’t sarah give Abraham the go-ahead to get with Hagar? So it looks like open marriages were just fine according to God.”

@A Realist, Solomon had multiple wives, concubines and occasionally dabbled in homosexuality. He ultimately went crazy! God was not in that! Sarah gave Abraham the go ahead because she didn’t trust what the Lord had told her. Hagar and Ismael were forced to leave their home after the fact. These are examples of people that were used for a purpose in spite of their shortcoming, but there were still consequences to their decisions. David killed a man so he could get his wife and the consequence was the loss of their first born child…but I digress!

Sweet Pea

August 4th, 2011
9:20 am

I can’t imagine having a plethora of folks “getting it in” my marriage without it affecting my psyche. I’d rather remain solo and sane! I can’t go for that..NO CAN DO!

ITL~I’m glad it makes you smile ;) It was my nickname in my youngster years, however even now some relatives still prefer to call me that. LOL

In two words “HEELLLLL NOOOOO”

RandyT~this reminds me of Whitney’s classic, HELL TO THE NO!…funny

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
9:20 am

And just because one is “big enough” to admit, ummm you don’t get a pass either.

Well said, Celisea!

And I like what Brown-Eyed Girl said, too. “til death do us part” means just that. If you’re not willing to make that vow, don’t take that vow!

Sweet Pea

August 4th, 2011
9:21 am

ok…please excuse my duplicate post here…I thought the blog ate my other one..oops! :(

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
9:21 am

LOL….I understand Brown Eyed Girls position, but she needs to get her facts strait…Most animals do not in fact mate for life…(Well except those that mate and then KILL the male…LOL)

UGA 1999

August 4th, 2011
9:21 am

Very much so depends on the relationship and the situation.

Sweet Pea

August 4th, 2011
9:22 am

Hey Celisea~I hope yesterday was easy breezy for you! :)

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
9:23 am

And please folks…..if you want to swing and “now reducing ourselves to being lower than animals” (thanks for that Browneyed Girl), please just go on and do that. Let’s not get into FIIIIINDING scriptures to justify our actions.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
9:23 am

Mmm-hmm. I could learn a lot from a spider. :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
9:26 am

Brown Eyes:
Two down one to go. You knocked down the biological and the biblical. What you got for the one’s who have rules.

MsMarriedUp

August 4th, 2011
9:29 am

Takes a very mature emotional intelligence to handle open relationships. Those that can handle it are very secure within themselves. It certainly isn’t for everyone.

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
9:31 am

Hey ITL – Thanks

Sweet Pea – Girl, my stomach was in knots…lol I was sitting next to my counterpart (rode up there with him) and he was like what was going on with you? LOLOLOL I did okay. A bit more nervous than normal for some reason. I had to literally take the floor….and talk and answer questions. Usually we do self introductions and briefly speak to how our role will play out in the relationship.

JASon

August 4th, 2011
9:31 am

“It’s for those who believe that it is impossible for one person to fulfill all your needs.”

The internet satisfies a very wide range of “needs”. If spouse + internet is not enough for you, then I would say you have no business getting married.

Harder...please.

August 4th, 2011
9:33 am

Wikipedia defines “open marriage” as a marriage where the partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships without this being regarded as infidelity. Open marriages place high value on honesty. If one spouse doesn’t agree to the lifestyle or see the need for the lifestyle, I guess it’s called cheating.

@Mingo, you’re in the minority, my friend. The majority of married men I know feel no need whatsoever to “sow their seed” outside the marriage, regardless of their “biological urges”.

BTW, adultery is still a crime in Georgia, whether your partner has agreed to the open marriage concept or not.

Brown Eyed Girl!

August 4th, 2011
9:33 am

@ Simple Man, maybe saying most is an exaggeration. But there are a lot of animals that do mate for life. But the point is still there…why are we reducing ourselves to be compared to animals? If a stinky nasty vulture can get this partner thing right, why can’t humans?

Lisa

August 4th, 2011
9:34 am

Into the light: I totally agree with you marriage is a covenant done before God in the presence of other. If people are going have a “open” relationship don’t bother to get married. Individals are trying to destroy what God has put together and change it to fit their way of life…. make marriage something that is is not. Marriage is between one woman and one man not with other people being invited into that marrige union.

MsMarriedUp

August 4th, 2011
9:35 am

…And Hello Realist!!! What’s that? @8:52? So on point.

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
9:35 am

“Let’s not get into FIIIIINDING scriptures to justify our actions.”

Scriptures are used to justify all manners of vile things…..What do you think the Crusades were about???? How about the Wars in the middle East??? If they can be used to make murder and genocide OK, then I think they are fine to justify an open marriage…….

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
9:36 am

Good morning all…

@ME – You said you sort of have an open type marriage but you two move WITHIN the set guidelines and rules. Would you mind sharing with the group just what boundaries, rules, etc you guys have setup that makes it work for you? I can understand somewhat, the concept of the OPENNESS because most times, it’s all the deceit and feeling of betrayal that makes cheating so hard to deal with. So in THEORY, I understand trying to make the situation one where everyone shows and see’s the other persons cards. However, from an ACTUAL standpoint, no matter how open one is with me about their attraction to another, it doesn’t take away feelings of jealousy or feeling like i must be inadequate if my partner is pining this hard about another chick. Makes me wonder if that would begin to spread like a virus knowing just how much my partner thinks about, seeks out and craves to conquer others…

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
9:38 am

We have to face it, some folks gotta have, want, and desire Lust. That don’t make them bad people they are just different in how they see themselves. With the worlds large population anything that can be thought of is happening somewhere.

anonymousella

August 4th, 2011
9:38 am

Maaaaan, tryna manage one relationship is work enough. You want me to manage another and keep my man’s envy at bay? Pssht. No thanks. I suspect my husband would say the same. Another relationship would be doing too much.

Plus we have seen the drama such things can cause. Our friends have been through this. One’s marriage survived. The other didn’t. But the friendship between the two of them was shattered and because he more or less withdrew from our crew, our friendship had suffered.

Wrong

August 4th, 2011
9:39 am

@A Realist
Just because some person of renown in the Bible did something, doesn’t mean it was “okay” with God. David had a man killed so he could have that man’s wife – murder and adulrty are sin – David was favored because he looked to God as his salvation, not his own acts. David was a sinner.

Marriage is a symbol of Jesus’ relationship with the church and is for our sactification; an open marriage destroys that picture of Christ and celebrates sin.

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
9:40 am

Simple Man please…lol I said that because EVERYTIME there’s a discussion of this sort of marriage and what it consists of or anything self indulgent, the Bible takes all sorts of hits and breakdowns in an attempt to prove why it’s okay to have 10 wives. Well, folks are going to do what they want. Rather than try to “FIND A REASON” why it’s okay (sounds like guilt to me…lol), just go one and do what you feel and what you like. :)

Metro

August 4th, 2011
9:40 am

Thanks Browneyed Girl for clearing that up for Realist. Man does a lot of stuff that God isn’t in and the actions of David and Solomon were not condoned by God and each had to deal with the consequences. Someone mentioned earlier that “traditional” marriage doesn’t work because of all the cheating going on. I beg to differ and say that God’s blueprint for marriage works just fine, but it’s the people in the marriage that don’t work the marriage right. They want to follow their own blueprint and then use the excuse that marriage doesn’t work!

abc

August 4th, 2011
9:44 am

Ya kiddin. I don’t mean to be overly critical, but. Do you actually have these kinds of questions, or is this just stuff you dream up to have a new topic?

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
9:45 am

Brown Eyes…What you seem to be missing is that in our purest biological form, we are jsut that animals…The biggest difference is that we have the capacity to exercise FREE WILL!!! For some that choice will be to settle down with a single person. Some of those that made that choice will end up cheating…. Some choose to go another direction and commit on a level that is my mind much more significant. They make an emotional and spiritual commitment that is not base on the physical. I can’t say that I want to be in that tyoe of relationship, but under that right circumstances, i know that I could……

Lovely Brown- Beautiful but selfish as hell!

August 4th, 2011
9:46 am

Let’s not get into FIIIIINDING scriptures to justify our actions.

I agree with Celisea, Leave The Lord outta this…..we(people) always wanna throw God in our mess….He does not bless mess! If you have a open marriage :rolleyes: Do you sweetie! I know that would not work for me. Cheat, let me find out, your azz is history! I don’t have time for that foolishness…too damn old for BS :lol:
Oh, Good Morning to all! :-)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
9:49 am

Celisea:
“Sounds like guilt”.
That was funny…..LOL

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
9:50 am

Celisea, You know someone has to present the counter argument, or the discussion will go stale pretty quickly… :) That being said, You know as well as I do that some of the worst things that man has ever done have been in the name of God……

MsMarriedUp

August 4th, 2011
9:52 am

The funny thing…and I’ll let this one go…but 99.98% of people work for people who cheat them out of social security, a pension, hell…even a decent salary but since the word SEX isn’t a part of the screw, it must mean we’re not being SCREWED.

shucks…street hustlers work for a paycheck too, and by the way I see it, a screw is a screw.

Brown Eyed Girl!

August 4th, 2011
9:54 am

@Simple Man, I’m not missing the point. I don’t see myself as just an animal because my belief has told me I was made just a little lower than an angel! My belief tells me that I was made to rule over the animals and, because of sin, a gap was placed between me and my Creator that was ultimately filled by my Heavenly Father. Yes we do have free will, but with that free will comes consequences. Do whatever you want to do, but when that woman ties you to a bed, cuts off your junk and puts it in a garbage disposal, you should not be surprised! As Chris Tucker said one time, I’m not saying its right, but I understand! LOL

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
9:54 am

Hey Lovely:
“too damn old for BS”
I fit that group, handling a good relationship is not that easy.

Brown Eyed Girl!

August 4th, 2011
9:55 am

Sorry, Simple Man! Chris Rock said that! LOL

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
9:56 am

ITL and Brown Eyes, thank you for making it plain.

Open Marriage is not for me. And to the guy who said that men are made to do it, how would you feel if your woman did the same with another man? I mean what if some other man is just doing what he is built to do with your wife?

If you share your spouse you don’t respect your spouse.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
9:58 am

but 99.98% of people work for people who cheat them out of social security, a pension, hell…even a decent salary

Huh??

And Brown Eyes, you said it so well! Co-signing your 9:54

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 4th, 2011
9:58 am

Good day. I just want to tackle one part of this issue:

“I am referring to a couple both agreeing to let each other know when they meet someone they feel a strong attraction to”

This is simple to me. First there is no way to really define this other than greed. Some people will have everything and STILL not be satisfied.

If you really arent happy, just file for divorce and leave! Yeah her dad will be mad he spent $20,000 on a wedding, yes your family will be mad they spent money on plane tickets, hotels, tuxedos, gifts, etc to see you get married ONE time.

The best analogy to me is a sports analogy. If you play for a team and you arent happy and you want to explore your options with another team, just GO but you cant play for two teams at the same time. You are either in or out. Plain and simple!

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
9:59 am

abc, I was wondering how this became a topic as well.

Simple Man from the beginning we were formed in “His” image, not some animals.

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
10:00 am

Ms Lovely…I’m loving this…lol

Lord outta this…..we(people) always wanna throw God in our mess….He does not bless mess! If you have a open marriage :rolleyes: Do you sweetie! I know that would not work for me. Cheat, let me find out, your azz is history!

Blackfoote – :)

Simple Man – Yeah I gotcha. I like it too when it’s a bit heated. It tends to fuel the flow :)

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
10:03 am

Off topic (for a sec)…I don’t listen to Rickey Smiley too much in the morning but did anyone catch the segment of his show where a white guy called in, in a relationship with a black woman but said something was amiss. That things were okay until here of late? OMG they set her up big time and she fail. The boyfield Josh was like “thank Ricky man, glad you did this” LOL. She was really trying to back pedal

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
10:03 am

If you need more than one you just lack self control.

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
10:04 am

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
10:05 am

Celisea, I didn’t hear that, but I was treated to a song from the incomparable Sade as I was pulling into the parking garage. :) Made my outlook for the day much more relaxed and content…

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
10:07 am

Three Words Daily – Keep going on.

Today, I am encouraging myself. Today, I am digging in and pushing harder, farther, to the limits. Today…{the rest}

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
10:08 am

Slim1:
Look like we wont get a perspective view about the rules. Maybe he don’t know what rules are either……LOL

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
10:09 am

Blog Run Report – Me, TheDude, GiGi – Regular Morning Route – 2.25 miles – 40minutes – Power Walk. Taking it light today and tomorrow – I want to max out for the Atlanta’s Finest 5K that my sister and I are running on Saturday morning.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
10:09 am

Why even take the chance of one of the parties falling for the side piece? Sure, rules are in place that one doesn’t go sleep with the other without their SO knowing, but it doesn’t always work like that. Why even put yourself in that situation where the possibility is so high? No doubt some stick to the guidelines, but some don’t. The probablity of the rules becoming muddled in its original clauses is high.

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
10:10 am

Purple, Who did Cain and Able marry????? And please don’t tell me the twins from the movie ATL….

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
10:11 am

Hate you missed it ITL…she got busted

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
10:12 am

LOL….@Leggs
Those are our rules. What are their rules is what I’d like to know.

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
10:14 am

Simple Man – The biggest difference is that we have the capacity to exercise FREE WILL!!!

You might want to dig a bit deeper on the free will thing…just saying. If it was “okay” to just do whatever the heck you wanted without ever any ramifications or reprecussions I think we would all be running amuck and all over one another. With your choice of “free will” comes a self built “work on it’s own” conscious to help steer and curb som of that freewill.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
10:14 am

@PR ~ all I did yesterday was elliptical for 30 mins w 5 min cooldown.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
10:16 am

@Celisea ~ I hate I missed it too. Do you think the relationship will survive? Doesn’t sound like it with all that “back peddling.”

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
10:18 am

All I know is this…I just want my frickin’ relationship to be regular, to be held to old-fashioned values. One woman. One man. One love. Faithful. Just really, really regular.

There is enough potential drama and bs to deal with from other sources in life and I have no desire to willingly introduce chaos and confusion and other folks into my relationship.

Do I turn a blind eye and act like the possibilities don’t exist? Like my mate cannot be tempted? No…but here is where that hated word….expectations…comes in to play. I expect him to be faithful and that is all.

Should we have an incident to deal with at some point in this relationship, I will burn that bridge when I get to it. Until such time I am going to exercise my faith, in my partner and in my Creator.

***

Robert

August 4th, 2011
10:19 am

Every culture has a different concept of what constitutes marriage between a man and woman. For example in Saudi Arabia a man can divorce his wife if she has 5 daughters and no sons to carry on his name. The husband can take her back to her family, walk around her 3 times and they are officially divorced. The father of the woman is happy to have his granddaughters home because he can marry them off and have more wealth (sheep, cattle, money, etc.) .

In my opinion it depends on your level of maturity. A young married couple trying to start a family will think differently than a older married couple because they have already experienced life (kids, etc.) and are looking to enhance their own sexual desires. Contrary to popular opinion, women are more likely to explore their sexuality and seek a open relationship in their 40-50’s, especially if they married early in life (20’s). Men (20-40) are lustful by nature but lack the experience to convince their woman to explore sex outside of the marriage. Men in their (40-50) need all the help they can get (viagra, etc.) to satisfy their woman sexually and she may want to include younger partners to enhance her own sexual pleasure (cougars). Americans view marriage differently.

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
10:20 am

Blackfoote – Yeah, I was sitting here waiting to see what they were and so far we’ve flatlined.

Leggs – That’s my point exactly…it’s just a Pandora’s box for disaster if you ask me. I mean, if you’ve been with your partner for some years, then you have the option to seek out new puddy/wang, of course the act, chase, motions of getting with the new puddy/wang is going to blow your old relationship out the water. It’s going to be more exciting and less predictable. So it really doesn’t give your current relationship/marriage much of a chance because you’ll always be chasing the new next high as opposed to finding new ways to keep the main courtship afloat & exciting WITHIN that relationship.

Not so Wise Diva

August 4th, 2011
10:20 am

Wise Diva. ROTFLAMO at this fool.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
10:22 am

@Blackfoote ~ for those not honoring the rules, their new rules may be a contact with the side piece asking that they meet up with the SO one time only. This will be a one time thing. I just want to enjoy you and your glory with her! Yeah right, dastardly DOG! And if it’s the woman doing it, she’s a dastardly DOGGETTE!

Badd Nuzz

August 4th, 2011
10:22 am

Robert
August 4th, 2011
10:19 am

Every culture has a different concept of what constitutes marriage between a man and woman.
In my opinion it depends on your level of maturity.

In my opinion you are an idiot.

grow up

August 4th, 2011
10:22 am

@A realist, don’t act like you know what God thinks because you don’t. Don’t use God or the Bible to try to justify being loose with no self-respct. The references you used makes it CLEAR that you don’t know the Bible so stop using it until you know what you’re talking about. Mingo, has a wife who lets him CHEAT (yes, it’s cheating not a biological NEED like you so stupidly put it) like this because he picked the doormat low-esteem woman necessary for him to get away with it. A woman with confidence in HERSELF instead of just you, would realize that she deserves better than someone who is as immature about the responsibilities of the male species as you are.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
10:23 am

Simple I will counter your question about Cain and Able with what is the difference between the Old and New Testament?

abc

August 4th, 2011
10:23 am

You are wrong about the idea of free will and its pertinence to God.

It doesn’t matter what we say or do, nothing of our actions or opinions makes any difference to God. We are selectively saved by His mercy alone. If we’re possessed of the Holy Spirit, then what’s free will supposed to be? We’ve given our lives over to it, to live in us, as us. It might seem like we’re driving the car to us, but what do you suppose all of the seemingly random chance is that has everything to do with end results of everything we do?

That is also to say that the only thing that brings a person to God is God Himself. That is also to say that not everyone is called. That is also to say that anything evangelical is a sham. Man can’t bring a man to God. If you don’t believe it, then so be it; the reason is self-evident.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
10:23 am

One other thing how the hell are there rules for something that’s considered twisted and crooked.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
10:23 am

meet up WITHOUT the SO….

More Badd Nuzz

August 4th, 2011
10:24 am

Simple Man……
August 4th, 2011
9:45 am

Brown Eyes…What you seem to be missing is that in our purest biological form, we are jsut that animals…The biggest difference is that we have the capacity to exercise FREE WILL!!!

Yeah cause Mr Obama and the govment gonna bail you out of your dumb azz decisions? Again

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
10:26 am

Leggs – Josh (current boyfriend) called the show and as I said mentioned things feeling not quite right. So they called his girl and pretended she had won a vacation. They went on further to say they would need the name of the person to accompany, telling her it could be anyone but it’s intent was to be romantic. Why oh why did she drop her baby’s daddy name…Jarvis…LOL Before she could get it out good ole boy was like “who did you say?” Talk about deer caught in headlights. She was calling the boyfriend’s name but he wasn’t hearing it. Before bringing her in, they asked if he loved her and he said he did but couldn’t continue hanging on if she’s got shenanigans going on. She had the audacity to justify by saying the baby’s father was finally stepping up to the plate…blah blah blah. Okay cool..that’s for the kid though I’m thinking. What does that have to do with relations??? Dude was like you’re gone every night and now I know why…and preciate the helping hand in finding out…lol

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
10:27 am

Blessings to Mr. Obama on his birthday and every day.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
10:30 am

Leggs, you have to tell me the distance you did. Not interested in the times, did you go the distance?. Good workout SexyCool!

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
10:31 am

And today I will say, it’s not me this time throwing out a defense against folks that want to indulge in shenanigans with no recourse, reprecussions or accountability. I’M AGREEING THOUGH :)

Lovely Brown- Beautiful but selfish as hell!

August 4th, 2011
10:32 am

There is enough potential drama and bs to deal with from other sources in life and I have no desire to willingly introduce chaos and confusion and other folks into my relationship.

SC- I love this!

Yep. Like I said before….too damn old for BS! :lol:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
10:32 am

LOL….@Doggette

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
10:33 am

Ouch!! Good for him, though, that he found out before it went on any longer. I wonder if Jarvis was listening…and if Jarvis has another girl….

Lovely Brown- Beautiful but selfish as hell!

August 4th, 2011
10:34 am

Simple Man……

August 4th, 2011
10:10 am
Purple, Who did Cain and Able marry????? And please don’t tell me the twins from the movie ATL….

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I love that movie!

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
10:35 am

Seems like everyday we navigate more and more into the carnal urges without circumstance, caring of the consequence or caring who is hurt in the end. We want what we want, when we want it, however way we can get it…I want that ONE partner that will be my homie, lover, friend, confidant, supporter etc…a person who is willing to put in the work to maintain a strong foundation together so when the weather gets bad, no matter what, we can still be found standing—->Together! Not someone who claims that i’m their plan but actions all point to i’m just an option…I want to be the entre, not just a la carte lol

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
10:36 am

ITL – Good question. Jarvis being playing around for six years and just had a rock to fall on him concerning his offspring? Yeah, he’s not only selfish but I’d venture to say he’s been messing around. Women can be dummies sometimes. You got a potentially good dude and screwed that up over some “baby daddy” crap. Six years?? Please…after all this time he couldn’t lick my boots….lol

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
10:37 am

Slim – I want to be the entre, not just a la carte lol

Here here. No other way to go.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
10:38 am

Whatever happened to morals, standards and respect?

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
10:38 am

Slim – 1035a – thatisthetruth.com

czBrat

August 4th, 2011
10:38 am

those who practice open marriages will say it required honesty and maturity. those of us who practice monogomous relationships will say that IT requires honesty and maturity. as Leggs said, i’m not judging your choices. if what you do works for all parties involved, so be it. you don’t answer to me.

i have found much more honesty and maturity in this man who clearly communicates his wants, needs, desires and expectations than the man who chose to be unfaithful without giving me the benefit of making an informed decision for MYSELF as to whether or not i was ok with sharing my husband. or whether or not i might have liked to share his wife.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
10:40 am

I want that ONE partner that will be my homie, lover, friend, confidant, supporter etc…a person who is willing to put in the work to maintain a strong foundation together so when the weather gets bad, no matter what, we can still be found standing—->Together!

You said that so well, Slim.

I found out the hard way that you really learn a lot about someone in a crisis. When Mr. ITL and I were going through a loss, he couldn’t even talk about it, much less be supportive. He chose to take his comfort with someone else. There are times I think that if he knocked on my door today, I’d slap his face.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
10:41 am

@PR ~ sorry Coach. I don’t rightly remember to be honest. I was so focused on the clock and calories, I don’t remember what the distance was! Don’t crack my knuckles, don’t crack my knuckles…I’ll pay attention next time on the distance!

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
10:43 am

Sorry, Coach, I missed my workout yesterday. It was after 8 when I left the office, and I just wanted to go home. I’ll do better today. :)

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
10:46 am

Good morning!

I am not doing Open stuff. I wld Loathe it cox I cannot stomach somebody getting into my cookie jar!

But I wll do polygamy if the stars and money is str8!

Open marriages and swinging is new to me. Seems like a purely Western(america,holland,UK etc)
creation.

If it calms and makes u happy u to watch ur wife being rocked by another man while u there,
fiddling ur balls,more power to u!

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
10:46 am

@Celisea ~ what I don’t get is how people don’t know these radio calls are usually set up. Even I, who likes to win, would still be apprehensive on a free trip like that and require to give them the name of the person I wanted to take. Like Fred Sanford so eloquently states, You Big Dummy!!

And, how do you throw your present relationship away because “baby daddy” is finally stepping up to the plate. How crass and disrespectful can one be? Before “baby daddy” stepped back to the plate, bet new dude was helping out! She’s a scammer and now has been scammed. She got her just desserts! Plain and simple! Hope he kicks her to the curb with a steel toe army boot!!

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
10:46 am

Excuses are just like azzholes, everyone has one and I don’t care to hear or see them. Get in gear and make sure your end the week distance totals are spot on.

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
10:50 am

On topic: Eh, I couldn’t do it, but if it works for you, then more power to you. My best friend and his (now ex) wife had an open marriage for years & the seemed happy, but obviously all was not as it appeared. I don’t know if the “open” arrangement was the root of the problem or not, though.

On a related note… d@ng, it’s getting a little judgmental in here this morning… :lol:

kimmie

August 4th, 2011
10:50 am

Hey Gang!

It would definitely not work for me. Like SCool, I like such things regular. But do you. And don’t knock me or call me unenlighted or not hip for not wanting to go the “open” route.

Plus, a few things inevitably seem to happen with such arrangements. Somebody gets tired of it and gets jealous. One was never comfortable with it to begin with but did it to hold on to the other. Yall get old & wore-out. Somebody wants to get with one of the outsiders full-time.

And no, some dude being “honest” with me before going to do the do with someone else is not going to soften the blow by any means. Ignorance will be bliss for me until I find out the old fashioned way – he gets sloppy!

Don’t judge me.

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
10:51 am

Hey Bad Nuzz….You wife told me to tell you teh lighten up….She said she will be home as soon as her eyes roll back into place…..

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
10:52 am

So does open marriage mean just sex or does it include dates, vacations, going to church rasing kids..where is the line drawn? What if you enjoy the other person more than your spouse, is that grounds for a divorce?

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
10:53 am

Igg zackly Leggs Igg zackly

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
10:53 am

Or he brings a kid or disease home kimmie.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
10:54 am

DAMN! I think I’m going to be a free agent….

Sassy Black..Make it rain down on Meee ;-)

August 4th, 2011
10:56 am

everyday we navigate more and more into the carnal urges without circumstance, caring of the consequence or caring who is hurt in the end.

That’s real talk Slim Nu and I agree with your 10:35. It’s like more and more often people are finding all sorts of justifications that will allow them to give in and indulge those urges..regardless of the consequence. What I don’t understand is when things get jacked up and the wheels fall off errbody’s walking around looking like :shock: ….wha had happened?

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
10:57 am

She said she will be home as soon as her eyes roll back into place…..

My first :lol: of the day….daaaaaang!

I know that an open situation won’t work for me at this point in time…tried something minutely similar to that once with the ex of 8+years and the glove just didn’t fit so I had to quit lol…

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
10:57 am

A restricted free agent!

kimmie

August 4th, 2011
10:57 am

Slim – You said it lady on that 10:35!

Light – You really do find out what folks are about thru a crisis. That’s something I observed about my parents marriage that they did very well – they could argue till the cows came home, but they were totally down for each other when times were rough!

People run around doing everything they are big enough to do all willy-nilly with everybody. They don’t see how important it is to have someone truly have your back when a crisis or illness strikes. Those cuties you are running around with on the side are not going to be there to even bring you a glass of water. Think about it!

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
10:58 am

kimmie

August 4th, 2011
10:59 am

Purple – Yep!

Oh by the way, doing great on the workout plan! I am beginning to feel so much better about myself. I was starting to feel miserable. Glad yesterday was my rest day because it was a rotten day at work.

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
10:59 am

Yes Swiss!

Very judgementally wrong people on the blog.

And some of the arguments are using God! Laughable!

God was used to justify colonialism,slavery etc.

Be wary when folks wanna bolster their argument by invoking God.

And how can u criticize Open marriages when u have never been open to it.

I wld guess people who do it(men and women) are clearly mentally prepared to do it.

Just saying…

Now if u wanna know bout Polygamy,ask me!

kimmie

August 4th, 2011
11:00 am

Purple – A kid, disease – that falls under sloppy as well!

SportyNCutieATL

August 4th, 2011
11:02 am

I think open relationships and marriages are only a few decades away. More people are getting married and/or into long term relationships later in life. 75-100 years ago, most women married out of need or a sense of obligation which gave men the opportunity to pick from a waiting pool of available ladies.

Women today are more independent, educated, self-sufficient, and are choosing to way out all their options before they settle down. We are taking our time in picking a mate that fits into our lifestyles and ultimatley into our futures. I think alot of modern guys appreciate this, because they dont have to feel pressured to “stick around” if there is no true connection. They can take their time and it gives them the freedom to, for a lack of a better phrase, walk around the lot and test drive a few cars before buying one.

I feel it is this element that leds to more open relationships. Attractions to other people are going to happen – being married or having a bf/gf doesn’t change that – the dating scene today is more willing to embrace the idea.

I am not a big believer in monogyay – I think its very rare and that it only works in about 25% of relationships (world wide divorce stats can back this up). However, I am not a cheater and have been in a long term relationship with my partner for almost 12 years. We are not swingers, dont have random bf or gfs on the side but we respect each other and have open dialog on this topic for years. We are free to speak up and say wow she’s hot or check out that guy. I think it keeps the relationship honest. Its worked for us for 12 years and I think as long as we are open and truthful, it will continue to work.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
11:03 am

Sloppy, messy, and too much for me. I’m sliding across the hood Daisy Duke-style and burning rubber out of there.

Robert

August 4th, 2011
11:03 am

@Badd Nuzz – I hope my comments helped someone. No matter how you judge my opinions they are relavent regarding this topic. The key to any successful relationship (marriage) is adapting to change.

czBrat

August 4th, 2011
11:05 am

norms are changing. lines are blurred. visible tatts & piercings are becoming openly acceptable. same sex relationships are becoming openly acceptable. we are becoming desensitized to crime. we are lowering our “expectations” on so many fronts. before we know it, we will look around and find that good old fashioned, traditional family values are, indeed, not widely practiced.

as long as the man i share a life and home with and i are on the same page, we’ll continue to be each other’s comfort from these raging changes. and if someday he chooses to explore a different lifestyle without discussing it with me, i will ALWAYS trust that my close relationship with God will reveal to me the things i need to know and direct the path that i should take to stay in His grace.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
11:06 am

You should be wary of people in general no matter what the topic issue,

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
11:06 am

So let me get this straight….Is there noone here that belives its possible for normal, well adjusted rational people to be involved in a loving realtionship that does not fall within the boundries of traditional western christian ideas and have that realtionship be successful????

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
11:07 am

Have any of you had the chance to check out that show on Oprah’s new network called ‘Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal’? It’s basically a recap of married couples, what led up to the infidelity by the person who committed it, how they viewed the other person, what the other spouse noticed in their changes during this time, and if or how they overcame it. It’s such a crazy show and I watched a few the other day. The folks listed various reasons for them stepping out but they all seemed to want to ‘fix or remedy’ the issues in their marriages with folks on the outside. They talked about how exciting it was to be the with the new person and how it made them become more annoyed with their current partner or what have you…basically all recipes for hurt, betrayal and disaster. One of the stories the other women showed up to his house and showed out in front of his daughter…thats just bringing your trash to your front yard…

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
11:09 am

“We are free to speak up and say wow she’s hot or check out that guy.”

Yeah…that’s normal in a relationship between secure parties. But saying that does not equal “He’s hot and I plan on having him bend me over on our kitchen counter next week.”

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
11:11 am

“Attractions to other people are going to happen – being married or having a bf/gf doesn’t change that” – you’re absolutely right, it doesn’t change that. What changes that is “respect, consideration, appreciation, morals, character and again RESPECT for your partner not to act upon those attractions. So what you’re attracted to another. I don’t expect you to become blind once we are married. I do expect you to not act upon them since you married me! Marriage is one way of telling me you want our lives to experience all we can together, not a shield for you to continue playing the field. If that’s the case, let’s get a divorce! I didn’t sign up for any of that crap.

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
11:12 am

Purp – speaking of bringing home a disease or another kid…one episode was of this Asian couple…the wife stepped out on her hubby with a black co-worker. She previously had a history of miscarriages or what have you but ended up preggo again and carried full term…and she said the whole time she was stressed out about who was the father of her child. As soon as the baby was born, it was Obvious her hubby, also Asian, was not the father. He immediately left out of the hospital at the sight of the child. The chick goes to the misters crib who actually foather the child later on to let him know about his son. To her surprise his wife answered the door..(she never knew he was married). She talked to his wife but the guy was not home at the time but he showed up while she was there. He acted like he didn’t know her and closed the door in her face lol…Anyway, fast forward to her and her hubby working things out, he made her put the kid up for adoption because it was a constant reminder of her infidelity..clearly a mixed (black and Asian) kid….I was like dayuuum. However, her and the hubby did end up having a kid together and gave the son up to a bi-racial couple

Sassy Black..Make it rain down on Meee ;-)

August 4th, 2011
11:13 am

Really Simple?…that’s all you’ve surmised thus far based on the comments?

kimmie

August 4th, 2011
11:14 am

I think its very rare and that it only works in about 25% of relationships (world wide divorce stats can back this up).

Sporty – Do those world wide stats give the REASON for divorces? Because here in the USA, most marriages are said to break up for money reasons, not because of infidelity.

Brown Eyed Girl!

August 4th, 2011
11:14 am

@ Simple Man, relationship yes, marriage no! A marriage is more than a relationship, it is a covenant! By definition, a covenant is a solemn agreement to engage in or refrain from a specified action.

kimmie

August 4th, 2011
11:16 am

Slim – I’ve seen that show. It is crazy, but interesting.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
11:17 am

Slim and some people will say what happened with that Asian couple in your story is okay and just a sign of the times. If people set their standards low they will hit them every time

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

August 4th, 2011
11:18 am

I honestly believe I can put my foot in his @$$ for cheating on me. Telling before will only get him punched in the throat and left!
So to answer the question would I be okay with an open marriage…HELL NO! What is the point of getting married in the first place. Granted, you are still human. And you will be attracted to others for various reasons. But marriage is a commitment to one another. If going outside of it is total disrepect to the vows of keeping only to each other. So again I ask….what is the point of getting married?
Granted there are marriages of convenience, such as; Financial, to serve as a cover of the now defunct “don’t ask, don’t tell” bigot homophobic law against gays in the military, and a host of others.

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
11:19 am

Simple Man – To your 11:06, once you grasp and wrap your mind around the fact that a relationship has and consist of boundaries and confines, the easier it will be for you to accept that’s how you define a relationship. A relationship is not a relationship if there are no parameters. It’s human nature to love and want to be love but also love is binding. What NORMAL person is okay loving you while you change partners on a whim and on a regular? NOT NORMAL and it crosses the grain of basically how we a humans function. Yes, there are some that are cool have several partners, no commitment enjoying many wo/men, again do you but their norm but not classified as a relationship.

kimmie

August 4th, 2011
11:19 am

And how can u criticize Open marriages when u have never been open to it.

Exiled – Did you ask yourself that same question? You said you weren’t down with it.

Plus, you don’t have to be open to something or have experienced it to know it’s not right for you.

UGA 1999

August 4th, 2011
11:20 am

Kimmie….agreed, I wonder why everyone on this blog feels compelled to force their way of thinking on us. Dont knock it until you try it.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
11:21 am

Wait, what? I’m confused by 1999’s last post. Don’t knock what until you try it???

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
11:22 am

Some of this is pretty digusting to even fathom.

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
11:22 am

Celisea…1119a – church!!!

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
11:23 am

may be their norm but that sort of activity is not classified as a “relationship”

Simple Man – Why would you want to call changing women, sexing several as “relationship?” I don’t see why you can’t get or don’t see that. No one is saying for you to NOT be happy. Be happy and do you but why can’t you see that behavior leans more to strange? Not saying others don’t do it but a telltale sign to help you wrap your mind around it is most that want more than one will CHEAT. They cheat because it’s not right, it’s not normal and who in their right mind will willingly go along with? Right folks cheats and “sneak” around because openly having several wo/men is not acceptable to their relationship.

The Bosses Wife

August 4th, 2011
11:24 am

It depends on what the commitment was…cause if we are changing the rules,both should agree.

UGA 1999

August 4th, 2011
11:24 am

ITL….anything….dont condemn any behavior unless you have tried it and it doesnt work for you.

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
11:25 am

Kimmie?

Yes I’m not down for it!

That doesn’t make it wrong. It makes me not suited for it,mentally and all else.

But some are and A lot apparently.

Iam not down for white sugar by the way. Just brown cane sugar.

But white sugar is good for way more people than just me.

Now on whose side is God on? :lol: brown or white?

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

August 4th, 2011
11:26 am

MINGO….that idiotic belief that “a man is supposed to cheat, and the woman is supposed to look the other way” is the problem! That is pure bull! A boy will cheat and think it is ok. A boy in a man’s body will believe and behave in the same manner. But a REAL man who honors his commitment will not do such thing. If you really love someone, and you know that you would hurt them by cheating, you would never do it. By doing so, you are saying her feelings and your respect of her be d@mned!

That “boys will be boys” is what is wrong with the world. Men are using this crap as an umbrella to cover themselves from accepting the responsibilties of their actions. Men (grown boys) encourage young boys to behave this way. Then they grow up thinking that is it ok. So the vicious cycle continues. Again, REAL MEN accept responsibilities for their actions, not hide behide a shield like a punk @$$ coward. I wish boys would stop playing dress up and leave the men’s clothing for the men!

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
11:26 am

UGA – dont condemn any behavior unless you have tried it and it doesnt work for you

You don’t have to try everything to know it’s not a good decision, choice or that it will have a negative outcome.

UGA 1999

August 4th, 2011
11:27 am

Exiled….whose side is God on? Brown or white??? SERIOUSLY!?!?!

UGA 1999

August 4th, 2011
11:28 am

Celisea….I guess you are right. However we have many people on this blog playing the “Holier than thou” card and it gets old.

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
11:28 am

Some things in life you don’t have to actually try out to know it’s not for you. I’ve never tried piercing my back with huge hooks and hanging suspended in the air for 30+minutes or more but I know me, and Slim ain’t down with that.

kimmie

August 4th, 2011
11:28 am

1999 – I was responding to a quote Exiled made in his 10:59. I disagreed with him. He said earlier he was not for it himself, basically being a hypocrite. I was saying I don’t need to try something out first to know it won’t work for me.

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
11:30 am

“You don’t have to try everything to know it’s not a good decision, choice or that it will have a negative outcome.”

Yeah…I pretty much know that if I put loaded gun to my temple and pull the trigger that you probably won’t see me at Thanksgiving dinner.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
11:31 am

There are some things you know that are wrong without ever having experienced it.

Exiled, so you won’t mess with another woman but your wife? Would you would mess around with another woman without your wife present?

Character is revealed when temptation and choice meet.

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
11:31 am

UGA – We ain’t throwing morality out the window or hush because a few wants to hop on and brag about indiscretions. I’m sure everybody on here would be willing (if need be) to discuss something or someone they did that wasn’t exactly the best choice. It’s not holier than thou to frankly not want to have folks on here acting like they just dang animals. Sorry buddy not that kind of blog. I’m finding out more and more, if I hush some (not NOT believe) but just hush a bit on morality a lot more will speak to it :) LOVING that.

Exiled – Red and yellow black and white they are precious in his sight…you didn’t learn that song as a child? God made all so he loves all. And if you’re of the mindset of evolution, he made the ape you came from…so it all still points to God :mrgreen:

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
11:32 am

Celisea?

Your arguments are derived from a subset of Christian fundamental values.nothing wrong with that!

But others don’t necessarily subscribe to that..they believe an Open marriage enhances their lives. Men and women. Where is Blue when u need her?

I wldnt be as judgmental as to say they are wrong…maybe it goes against the tenets of the bible.

But I’m happy if they are happy. Same way I’m
Happy for gay folks tho I don’t endorse.

U down for polygamy tho Celisea , right? Or else we cut ties now. :lol:

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
11:32 am

@UGA ~ you don’t have to try certain things to know it isn’t for you. I wouldn’t go surf boarding in the middle of the ocean like that guy did and wound up a few feet away from a giant whale. No harm no foul, but I’m not even going to put myself in the scene for anything to go wrong.

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
11:33 am

PR – Character is revealed when temptation and choice meet.

True, so true

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
11:33 am

Character is revealed when temptation and choice meet.

LOVE this!

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
11:34 am

UGA – I won’t take poison to believe it’s going to kill me.

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
11:34 am

Expressing my opinion about my choices and what does or does not work for me does not make me judgemental.

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
11:35 am

Exiled – Or else we cut ties now

You say…please don’t act

kimmie

August 4th, 2011
11:36 am

Exiled – I didn’t say it was wrong or right in my posts. It’s not right for me and I gave the reasons why. And because of a lot of people’s religious beliefs or convictions or morals or whatever, they say it is wrong. They have that right.

UGA 1999

August 4th, 2011
11:37 am

Celisea….how high is the soap box you are on today?

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
11:37 am

How would you really know if someone is playing that card UGA? I mean they may actually live the lifestyle that they proclaim to live. If what someone posts something that makes someone feel a certain way, so what. We all live in our own houses and have to deal with our own decisions. Whatever someone is into they should be comfortable enough not to have to defend it whenever someone speaks against it.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
11:37 am

@Ex ~ you’re implying Blue has an open marriage!! If she hasn’t shared that, it’s not your place to share it (if it’s true)!!!!

abc

August 4th, 2011
11:37 am

What is the measure of success as pertains to a relationship? I’d say the only real measure is if it lasts. While it lasts, it’s successful; if and when it ends, it’s no longer successful.

But what is the nature of the relationship? Why do you suppose the model is what it is? I figure it must be because that’s what comes naturally to humans. Commitment and monogamy are part of the model. Disregard for those things doesn’t represent any kind of emotional maturity. It represents disregard for a relationship that includes them.

I don’t think that piercings and tattoos are all that ‘openly acceptable’. People who do those things to themselves brand themselves in such a way as to make themselves susceptible to others’ judgements, right or wrong. Personally, I think tattoos are for sailors and bikers.

I don’t think same-sex relationships are that ‘openly acceptable’ either, outside of what’s portrayed by Hollywood. Having worked quite a bit in theater, I’ve been well acquainted with many gay people, and while I accept them for who and what they are, I can’t say that I can endorse that kind of lifestyle. I feel bad for them, for the burden it places upon them.

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
11:38 am

There are some things u’ know’ are wrong based on ur beliefs PR.

Your beliefs underline/pin ur morals and mine and my wife’s.

Now to assume a couple practicing an Open marriage has same morals as u wld be wrong. Their set oif values are not the same as yours.

If u say u won’t do it I understand.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
11:38 am

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
11:39 am

She did have an open encounter Leggs.

It was revealed on the blog.
That’s how I know

oneofeach4me

August 4th, 2011
11:41 am

I think this depends on the couple and where they are in life. My partner of 12 years started getting bored (ya know with 2 kids and full time jobs, ect) so he decided to step out… TWICE. I told him that I could not handle this again, and that if he met a woman that he was interested in or was attracted to, to call me and tell me about it. This way, he would subconsciously divert that sexual energy towards me again without even realizing it. Well… that worked for about a year. Problem is… it took the excitement out of it for him. If he was telling me about it… then it was no longer naughty. Needless to say….our home life was ruined. Twelve years down the drain. Kids without dad in the home.

I have seen this work for people though, so I won’t knock anyone’s hustle. Do whatever works for you and what you are comfortable with. Just do not sacrifice who you are and your morals to appease someone else.

We are human, and I don’t think God has much to do with this. I agree, don’t use scriptures to justify your actions. However, at the same time, don’t use scripture to judge or crucify someone else for their choices.

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
11:42 am

How does saying you would not be willing to try an Open marriage constitute having a “holier than thou’ attitude??? If that works for you and whomever else, then so be it. I didn’t say that makes me better than them for it…

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
11:43 am

@ITL ~ thanks for letting me know about EOD…I like that…Good job!

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
11:43 am

UGA – Celisea….how high is the soap box you are on today?

How far it from earth to heaven? :) :)

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
11:44 am

“don’t use scriptures to justify your actions. However, at the same time, don’t use scripture to judge or crucify someone else for their choices”

Well…then what are scriptures for? Entertainment purposes only?

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
11:44 am

@Ex ~ that’s all I’m saying. If she revealed that, fine. Just didn’t want you to have diarreha of the mouth!

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
11:44 am

Exiled who are you to tell me what is wrong based upon my beliefs. That is straight comedy, don’t take this the wrong way. But I don’t take anything you say seriously at all on here. You are just a fire starter and contradict yourself daily on almost everything except being a horndog. You are pretty consistent on that one. LOL This polygamy you keep asking for is your main woman in cohoots with you on that or is that just your decision?

Michelle

August 4th, 2011
11:45 am

My man and I have an agreement. He can step out any time he wants,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLkokNuIojw

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
11:46 am

…..Monogamy are part of the model..

@Abc?

Wrong

That statement is guided if not influenced by ur cultural beliefs.
Nothing more nothing less.

To make ur statement that omnipotent and all encompassing is to try and make ur culture superior to all else!
Not!

abc

August 4th, 2011
11:47 am

In Christian terms, ‘holy’ doesn’t mean ‘better’, it means ’set apart’, and/or ‘blessed’. At that, the phrase ‘holier than thou’ doesn’t have much meaning, other than as a pejorative from people who don’t consider themselves to be very holy, or are defensive because they feel challenged somehow by what other people believe and endorse.

UGA 1999

August 4th, 2011
11:47 am

Celisea….I think you meant to say “How far IS it from Earth to Heaven?”….nice work.

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
11:50 am

PR

U misquoted me. I say again what u regard as right or wrong is based on what u believe in.

Now is that too hard to decipher

Thanx for the abuse but ur point?

A Realist

August 4th, 2011
11:50 am

I was just throwing a grenade into the argument because someone brought up the Bible when their reason breaks down. God didn’t punish Abraham and Solomon for their open marriages. If what happened was punishment, then all the innocent people who God killed in the Old Testamentwere punished for being alive.

Marriage is an agreement between two parties. If it was between people and God, then you wouldn’t need the law to either get married or divorced. If it was between people and God, then did all the Slaves commit adultery and fornication since they couldn’t get married in the eyes of the law? How did people get married before jesus came into the world if your marriage is supposed have Christ involved?

All this thread devolved into is “Christians” judging others for trying a marriage arrangement that works for some. Animals don’t discuss and uphold agreements with their partners. Rather than just saying “It wouldn’t work for me!”, people started calling others animals, and judging them. Take the Beam out of your eyes, people. For people that believe in God, let God judge them, not you!

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
11:51 am

UGA – That was simple….enough…lol You get how far high my soapbox stand though right? :)

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
11:54 am

Exiled, type in American English next time and there will be no misunderstandings. You still did not answer the question about polygamy and your lady. You just flat out told abc he was wrong as well. What are you basing your judgements on today, what are your actual beliefs. Don’t let me abuse you bro. LMAO

Tammie

August 4th, 2011
11:55 am

There are a lot of things that we might be inclinded to by biology that we don’t indulge. The idea that men can’t keep it in their pants is just wrong and self indulgent. Mastering what you want right now is the basis of being an adult. If you are not ready to commit to marraige, don’t.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
11:56 am

Honestly if you go back and read “the christians”(as thay are being called today) have not judged anyone they are just stating their opinions. The judging is coming from those who disagree with what they said. At least UGA and Exiled had the balls to counter with their thoughts and not hide behind an alias while doing so.

Brown Eyed Girl!

August 4th, 2011
11:57 am

For those who believe that the soap boxes are being used, let me readdress. I can frame my responses from a biblical prospective. Lets throw that out the window and just frame it from being a human being. I once made a commitment to someone that told my friend, family and me that he would be faithful until we were separated by death. After about four years, he decided that he needed to “explore” the city. I was devastated because this person I trusted to be faithful to me decided to stray. I guess I could have said, I will share you with others, but my pride and self esteem and self respect would not allow me to do so! We teach our children to keep their word, what kind of example are we setting for them? Is that secular enough? Say what you mean and mean what you say!

oneofeach4me

August 4th, 2011
11:59 am

@Sexycool ~ take that how you want to. Judging other’s is not something God handed over to man. You don’t get to make that call. That’s what is wrong with “Christians” today and why so many turn away from the church. You wanna help God on his mission? Then love and forgive and judge not your fellow man just as his son did.

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

August 4th, 2011
11:59 am

Cheating is NOT an accident or a mistake. It is a deliberate act of carelessness!

Brown Eyed Girl!

August 4th, 2011
12:01 pm

…and before anyone brings it up, if your spouse is beating the crap out of you or abusing you in any way, do leave!! Again, I digress…

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
12:02 pm

oneofeach4me, did you just judge someone in your 11:59? LOL

Black yeah you and I did not cheat we just had sex and spankings. :)

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
12:06 pm

A piece of Biblical advice for my friends, and me, that are single: Ruth patiently waited for her mate, Boaz. While waiting on your Boaz, don’t settle for ANY of his relatives: Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz, Goodfornothinaz, Lazyaz, or Marriedaz, and especially his third cousin, Beatinyoaz. Please, wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz.

Just thought I throw that in!

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
12:07 pm

Sassy / Celisea, My point is that there is no cast in stone guide for what arealtionship is supposed to be. If it were then Women would still be sold off to the dude that could give the most widgets to the dads, because those are the types of “marriages” that have been around the longest…The marriages that most folks today engage in are relatively new in the sense that a man and a woman have equal say in who they date, commit to and marry. What that says to me is that the concepts of marriage are continually evolving. Whats wrong with viewing them as such???

oneofeach4me

August 4th, 2011
12:07 pm

@Purple ~ Nope. Not at all. Just responding to a question and speaking in general terms.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
12:08 pm

Simple Man, there is a written standard if you look for it.

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
12:10 pm

As soon as I hit submit comment, I knew that the question would be taken as SEXYCOOL’s justification for judging others. OneOf…I suggest you go back and read everything that I have posted today. And anything that I have posted previously. I only speak on what I do and what I believe. I cannot and do not judge anyone for what they do. I don’t have a heaven or a hell to put anyone in. However, it also does not preclude me from having an opinion.

I could give a fck less what other folks do as long as it does not affect me and mine directly. Because if it does, you got problems.

Lovely Brown- Beautiful but selfish as hell!

August 4th, 2011
12:11 pm

However we have many people on this blog playing the “Holier than thou” card and it gets old

I don’t think this is the case around here,but we all have our view. I just happen to have a cheat on me, let me find out and your azz and assets is/are mine policy….works for me :lol:

A Realist

August 4th, 2011
12:12 pm

Brown Eyed Girl,

The couples who have an open relationship discussed the idea before it was implemented. They didn’t cheat then tell the spouse afterwards. That is infidelity, not an open marriage. You have to give the spouse a chance to accept, or let them leave the marriage. That is ethical behaviour. Giving people a chance to agree before you violate a previous agreement is the example we should be setting.

Keeping your word is an admirable example, but any kid nowadays has seen spouses cheat, get divorced (breaking their agreement), teachers cheat, politicians lie. They know that most adults have dishonest moments.

Did your marriage vows say “I will only have sex with you”? Or did they say “love and honor your spouse above all others”? Having an open marriage doesn’t necessarily violate that agreement.

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
12:13 pm

Simple Man – My point is that there is no cast in stone guide for what arealtionship is supposed to be.

No there is not…you might say but whatever it is, it lies in four walls made up of dos don’ts wills wonts, respect, love, faithful…so forth and so on. It ain’t just out there and all over the place. Like I said, do you and what makes you happy…just rightfully label.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
12:14 pm

“Did your marriage vows say “I will only have sex with you”? Or did they say “love and honor your spouse above all others”?”

I believe it says I will forsake all others!

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

August 4th, 2011
12:16 pm

PR…..you bad boy! SHHHHH…stop telling our business! LMAO

oneofeach4me

August 4th, 2011
12:16 pm

@Sexy ~ I was speaking in general just as you. I don’t frequent this blog on the regular so I don’t know anyone’s past views. When I stated that is not for “you” to decide, I was speaking in general terms of “you” being those who are judging others for their choices. If you don’t judge others then it wasn’t directed at you. My statement that you questioned was simple and to the point. Don’t use scripture to justify your actions and do not use scripture to crucify someone else. Just as you are entitled to your opinion, so am I to mine. The open thing didn’t work for me, but that doesn’t mean it won’t or doesn’t for someone else.

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

August 4th, 2011
12:16 pm

LEGGS….SC and I thank you for the repost! :lol:

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
12:17 pm

“…offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you,” – boiler plate language, yes, but the glue is there!

Lovely Brown- Beautiful but selfish as hell!

August 4th, 2011
12:17 pm

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
12:06 pm
A piece of Biblical advice for my friends, and me, that are single: Ruth patiently waited for her mate, Boaz. While waiting on your Boaz, don’t settle for ANY of his relatives: Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz, Goodfornothinaz, Lazyaz, or Marriedaz, and especially his third cousin, Beatinyoaz. Please, wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz

passing this on to my single and holding on sistahs….love it!

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
12:18 pm

Leggs – well……if they wrote their own.

That reminds me of watching listening to a radio show one morning and this lady and her husband called in she and was going on and on about what the vows that she wrote for their wedding the previous year.

The host asked the husband, “Do you remember anything she said in her vows?” His response, “No.”

Sassy Black..Make it rain down on Meee ;-)

August 4th, 2011
12:19 pm

Whats wrong with viewing them as such???

Simple…do what works for you and is good for yoU…m’kay? This blog is full of different opinions(as being witnessed right now)…you have yours and so does everyone else. Do yoU. :lol:

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
12:19 pm

You sure aren’t showing honor and respect to your spouse if you are off with someone else doing things that you should exclusively do with your spouse. LOL

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
12:20 pm

Oneof…different question then…what do you (not general you, you personally) use to justify your actions?

I’m just asking because it doesn’t sound like you think scriptures should be used for anything? And you are well within your rights to do so. I’m curious.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
12:23 pm

But wouldn’t it stand to reason whether the vows specifically had the words “no sex with anyone but your wife, that you would BELIEVE, not ASSUME, but BELIEVE it’s part of the wedding package, written or unwritten!!!

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
12:23 pm

Lovely,

Ain’t Boaz on WSB 750 right about now???? I think he has had a couple of wives too…. :)

Sassy Black..Make it rain down on Meee ;-)

August 4th, 2011
12:24 pm

That’s funny Lovely Brown!…another blogette posted that and I thought it was too cute but oh soo true!!

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
12:24 pm

My gratuitous wedding planning mention of the day…

TheDude and I will be taking traditional vows. I want to be sure I can remember what I’ve agreed to. (lol) :)

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
12:24 pm

“…what do you (not general you, you personally) use to justify your actions?

I’m just asking because it doesn’t sound like you think scriptures should be used for anything?”

SexyC — This wasn’t directed to me, but I’ll chime in as a resident agnostic… I basically just ask myself how I would feel about someone else doing the same thing to me. If I would have a problem with it, then it’s probably not cool for me to pull that sh!t on someone else. Pretty simplistic, but effective — for me, anyway.

Brown Eyed Girl!

August 4th, 2011
12:25 pm

Simple Man, are you saying it depends what my definition of “IS” is? LOL I think it is a given when people get married they expect their spouse to have sex with them only. I can’t imagine a guy getting down on one knee and saying to the woman, “will you marry me and can we have an open marriage”. I believe that is something that comes along during the course of a marriage. If two people make that decision during their marriage, then so be it. I just believe at that point it is no longer a marriage, it is an arrangement. As for the children aspect, just because they know it happens, doesn’t mean it needs to happen in their home! Just because they know it happens, doesn’t mean we should add fuel to the fire. I want my kids to believe that parents can stay together and be faithful. I want them to believe that there are actually honorable people still left in the world. Wishful thinking…maybe. But its the world I choose to live in.

Brown Eyed Girl!

August 4th, 2011
12:26 pm

Sorry, my comment was for @A Realist! Got caught up! LOL

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
12:28 pm

Swiss…I knew that about you already. (lol)

And that should apply to anyone of any belief in damn near any situation.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

It just so happens to also be supported by a few different verses in the Bible….:)

oneofeach4me

August 4th, 2011
12:29 pm

@ Sexy ~ I didn’t say scriptures shouldn’t be used for anything. They can be used to teach, uplift, and share stories of life and circumstance. I just don’t think they should be used to justify an action; whether that be justification for open marriage or justification to judge those who practice it.

As for me, I don’t justify my actions because sometimes no matter what you say or do, other’s will see it in their own light. And at the end of the day, after work, school, and kids I have no energy nor time to do so. I have my own set of morals that has treating others as I wish to be treated at the top of the list. I am honest, open, loyal yet realistic at the same time. Life is no picnic, but I try my best to hurt as little people as possible along the way.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
12:29 pm

So for the guys that believe in open marriages is that just for you or can your woman do the same thing openly?

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
12:33 pm

And quite frankly, Swiss, from the way that you present yourself, your attitudes, actions, beliefs seem to line up pretty closely in most ways with basic so-called Christian values.

Now, why this particular set of beliefs HAS to be defined solely as Christian? I don’t know. I didn’t write that rule.

czBrat

August 4th, 2011
12:33 pm

WOW!! five pages by lunch. cool.

agreeing with SC that swiss is following the golden rule, and that’s a rendition of love thy neighbor as thyself. easy breezy.

Values

August 4th, 2011
12:33 pm

It always annoys me when people get judgmental about how other peoples’ relationship should be. Many of today’s comments say that an open relationship is not for me. That’s fine.
But other comments take on this harshly condemning tone, even invoking God (as if we all share the same faith). That bugs me.
Maybe people in open relationships are on to something, maybe they aren’t. But we really shouldn’t try to judge what other consenting adults do in their own circumstances.

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
12:36 pm

Oneof – I use my belief system, sometimes supported by scriptures, sometimes not so much, to justify my actions, not to others, but as what makes sense for me.

Lovely Brown- Beautiful but selfish as hell!

August 4th, 2011
12:37 pm

Lovely,

Ain’t Boaz on WSB 750 right about now???? I think he has had a couple of wives too….

Ahhh, simple man…..

I can’t do anything but :lol:

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
12:37 pm

If you have kids a girl or boy. How do you raise that boy to be a man or that girl to a lady by letting them see the example of a open marriage if indeed you are married? You teach them to take care of home and another home as well?

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
12:37 pm

Brown Eyes, I have a neighbor that is From Saudia Arabia…His wife will not come outside unless she is covered from head to toe…He told me that he has two addiitional wives but can not get visas for them to come to the U.S… I can’t ask the wife here how she feels about it beacuse their custom does not allow me to speak to her about such things… She and her children seem happy and content. Who is to say that they are wrong? I know that there are religious differences, but why does one set of beliefs have to trump another??? I think Sassy has told me on many occasions to to me….I will always do me, but in a situation where whe are openly discussing ideas, I can draw a solid line between whats good for me or whats good for you and what is jsut plain wrong……

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
12:37 pm

I didn’t read it that way. But if I’m asked a question regarding morality, I can’t answer without giving reasons based on Christianity, because that is my moral base.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
12:38 pm

Off topic question and not for you Swiss. Are those annonyed by people as they say are using “God and scripture” go to church?

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
12:39 pm

Swiss – basically just ask myself how I would feel about someone else doing the same thing to me

That’s biblical…YOU ARE A BELIEVER!!!

Lovely Brown- Beautiful but selfish as hell!

August 4th, 2011
12:40 pm

I want my kids to believe that parents can stay together and be faithful. I want them to believe that there are actually honorable people still left in the world. Wishful thinking…maybe. But its the world I choose to live in.

I choose to live in that world too Brown Eyed Girl :-)

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
12:44 pm

here I go again…Does practicing a lifestyle outside of Christian guidlines make a person less than honorable?????

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
12:46 pm

Simple, I guess that would depend on how one would describe honor.

Sassy Black..Make it rain down on Meee ;-)

August 4th, 2011
12:50 pm

in a situation where whe are openly discussing ideas, I can draw a solid line between whats good for me or whats good for you and what is jsut plain wrong……

You’re starting to sound a tad contridictory with that last sentence..you just stated you will always do yoU..so that being said, how can yoU determine what’s good for someone else and what’s wrong for someone else? Not unless you’re talking about children who need guidance and looking after… and not adults. Just a question not an accusation…

Celisea

August 4th, 2011
12:50 pm

Simple Man – Do you interact with women that profess Christianity?

Sassy Black..Make it rain down on Meee ;-)

August 4th, 2011
12:51 pm

Does practicing a lifestyle outside of Christian guidlines make a person less than honorable?????

No it doesn’t…

BigBoi Long Thick Stick

August 4th, 2011
12:52 pm

we men need open relationship. We need our strange and you ladies know it.
We got to get our swirl on. Am so glad to see that lighter gurls mixing it up with
the mandingos. Especially the married ladies. Nothing better than a undercover
lover. So yes it is a good thing and I encourage all you sweet southern belles
and hot wives to keep a brotha on the side.

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
12:53 pm

“That’s biblical…YOU ARE A BELIEVER!!!”

It is, indeed. Of course, I’m sure you could also find similar teachings in the Koran, or the teachings of Buddhism, Hinduism, etc., not to mention just basic human empathy. I just don’t need to believe that it’s the word of an invisible man in the sky to recognize that it’s probably a good rule to live by… ;-)

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
12:56 pm

Sassy..thats my point….I the things that I view are wrong are absolute…i.e. Murder, Child molestation ect…In the context of todays discussion, I do not see open marriages / relationships as wrong, they are just not for me. I Believe that its possible for adults to make choices about how they choose to live their lives that are unique to them. I know that some of those choices may be outside of my lane..That doers not make them wrong or dishonorable, just different…..

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
12:59 pm

Celisea, I most certainly do…My Grandmother is devout in her beliefs and she is the best woman I have ever known..

Sassy Black..Make it rain down on Meee ;-)

August 4th, 2011
1:01 pm

Okay Simple…

Brown Eyed Girl!

August 4th, 2011
1:06 pm

Simple Man, let your compass be your guide. If that is your belief, then so be it. I just happened to have a different belief structure. Mine is based on faith as well as what I believe its the right thing to do just because. As a woman, and I think I can speak for most, having sex is an emotional expression for us. I know, there are some chicks out there that have managed to detach feelings from the act, but for the most part, its tough. If a woman agrees to an open marriage, I honestly believe she feels that is the best she can do! A strong woman will have the esteem and pride to not compromise. Let me use the animal example again. LOL I read that if a vulture’s mate is seen by other vultures cavorting with another, other vultures will attach the unfaithful vultures! Children learn early to be selfish and, for me, that goes for my man as well! Trust me, If this one ever comes to me and says he wants to “explore” I will tell him he got on the wrong boat!

Lord Velonese

August 4th, 2011
1:11 pm

“Closed to open marriages?”

Should this even be a topic? Comon WD you’re making women look bad for thinking it……….

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
1:14 pm

“I read that if a vulture’s mate is seen by other vultures cavorting with another, other vultures will attach the unfaithful vultures!:”

They just hatin’ =))

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
1:17 pm

I read that if a vulture’s mate is seen by other vultures cavorting with another, other vultures will attack the unfaithful vulture!

That’s what I’m talking about. My vulture posse ALWAYS has my back. :)

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
1:18 pm

O/T – Kevin Hart has a stand up movie coming out on September 9th. This is the first movie that TheDude and I are planning on seeing in the theater in over a year.

yello

August 4th, 2011
1:19 pm

I really just have to jump in here, having skimmed a few pages….

The whole Christian biblical thing bothers me. So many Christians believe that their belief system is the only one with validity, and that those who don’t subscribe to it are somehow less honorable, less good, less…something.

If Christianity is your base of belief, that’s fine. I have no problem with that, you are free to believe what you want. Where I DO have a problem is with saying somebody who doesn’t believe is somehow…less. So Jews aren’t moral or good or…whatever? What about Muslims? Really??!!

The basic tenent of “do unto others” is found in almost every major religion. It’s also subscribed to by many atheists who see it as simply a decent way to live one’s life.

I’m sure I’ve offended some, but I’m so frustrated by that line of thinking.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
1:22 pm

yello: Can you cite an example? I don’t recall seeing that, but I’ve been skimming today….

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
1:23 pm

SC, I can’t wait to see The Help. Read the book, and LOVED it.

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
1:26 pm

ITL – Incidentally, I just posted on my blog about that movie. Until I saw the interview on GMA this morning, I had no interest in it. I am going to buy the book before the day is over and plan on checking out the movie when it hits Blu-Ray.

yello

August 4th, 2011
1:27 pm

@Into the Light:
“‘don’t use scriptures to justify your actions. However, at the same time, don’t use scripture to judge or crucify someone else for their choices

Well…then what are scriptures for? Entertainment purposes only?”

There’s an example. If somebody isn’t Christian than scripture is irrelevant.

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
1:29 pm

yello – you should have read the rest of that discussion before you drew a conclusion.

yello

August 4th, 2011
1:31 pm

it an underlying theme from a number of folks.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
1:33 pm

I read that differently, yello, but I’m looking from the other side of the coin. If someone said to me, “ITL, don’t use scriptures to justify your actions” I wouldn’t be able to honor that request. As a Christian, the Bible and its teachings are the basis of my beliefs and influence my actions.
To your point, if someone isn’t Christian, then scripture is irrelevant to them. Correct, if you mean irrelevant in that it means nothing more than the laws of a country where they do not live. But the post above is defending why Christians use the Bible as a set of principles, not just as a book to read for amusement.

Make sense?

kimmie

August 4th, 2011
1:34 pm

yello – I don’t recall anyone posting that other religions were trumped by Christianity, though that line of thinking bothers me no matter what religion you are talking about. That “my way or the highway” line of thinking is never productive.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
1:36 pm

The Help was nothing that I expected, but so much more than I could have expected. It made me laugh, cry, angry, and at times, ashamed. Let me know how you like it.

Sassy Black..Make it rain down on Meee ;-)

August 4th, 2011
1:37 pm

you should have read the rest of that discussion before you drew a conclusion.

cosign…

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
1:38 pm

I most closely identify with Christianity and most of its principles and precepts because it is what I have been exposed to and have the most knowledge of and up to this point, has worked just fine for me.

I believe in the Holy Trinity. However, I do not unquestioningly believe everything that is written in the so called Good Book. I am not a big fan of organized religion or religious tradition as a rule. However, I realize that there is a need for it…in some form and that there are those who richly benefit from it…whether it be spiritually or financially or whatever.

I am certain that if I were interested in becoming a student of religion to discover the basis of beliefs in other religions and cultures that I would find similarities. It is human nature that there are similarities for we are all connected. As it stands, I am way too busy trying to live as best as I can and is based on a belief system that has served me well to study other religions just because.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
1:39 pm

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
1:39 pm

In Yello’s defense, the argument has been presented more than once today that views outside of the typical Christian fair are wrong…It has not been said dierectly, but it has been implied multiple times…..

Sassy Black..Make it rain down on Meee ;-)

August 4th, 2011
1:40 pm

I don’t recall anyone posting that other religions were trumped by Christianity,

Me,either..not unless they care to point out what time frames/page as a reference point so we can go re-read that in case we missed it.

Sassy Black..Make it rain down on Meee ;-)

August 4th, 2011
1:42 pm

It has not been said dierectly, but it has been implied multiple times…..

Really Simple/Yella?…

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
1:44 pm

It has not been said dierectly, but it has been implied multiple times…..

I wonder if people have a certain impression of Christians (accurate or non) and are always ready to defend themselves……

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
1:44 pm

And more to the point of the statement about “scriptures”, there was no specific set of scriptures named. Could have been talking about the Gutenberg bible, the Quran, the Torah, the Sutras….

yello

August 4th, 2011
1:48 pm

I don’t think I’ve ever read anybody saying “If you don’t believe in Christianity, you’re wrong.”

It’s the implication that is often made — but a number of folks — here, and many places in the Bible belt. Again, if that’s your belief system, that’s fine. But when people try to impress it on others, there is a problem.

A grocery store clerk commented to me the other day “the Lord woke me up this morning, you should be glad he woke you up, too.” So, now what does that mean?? I wanted to say “well he woke up non-believers, too now didn’t he?” but I wouldn’t say that because its offensive. And yet, I’m supposed to give some pc response to somebody pressing their religious views on me. THAT’s what annoys me. Seriously.

yello

August 4th, 2011
1:50 pm

And yes, it HAS been implied in this blog many times that non- Christian views are somehow less worthy.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 4th, 2011
1:50 pm

(the blog Nazi ate my post, let me try again)

My SOs are free to step out any time they want…just no stepping back in. One strike and your out and the door locks behind you. And for the record I expect them to hold me just as accountable. Infidelity is a choice, not a physical demand. If I have to have another, then I’ll leave the relationship, and I expect the same from them.

Like BMW indicated, “have to because I am a man” is BS.

yello

August 4th, 2011
1:52 pm

**shields are up, ready for attack**

Sassy Black..Make it rain down on Meee ;-)

August 4th, 2011
1:54 pm

I wanted to say “well he woke up non-believers, too now didn’t he?” but I wouldn’t say that because its offensive.

Simple/Yello…Simply Yella had you said that it would’ve been the truth and who’s to say it would’ve offended the clerk?…how do you know that? You’re making assumptions based on yoUr perception and you know what they say about making assumptions right?

And yet, I’m supposed to give some pc response to somebody pressing their religious views on me.

No dearheart..do what makes yoU comfortable. Sometimes the best response is none at all. Here let me show you for the rest of the day…

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
1:55 pm

yello, Your perceptions are just that – YOUR perceptions. I cannot argue them with you, nor will I try. But I respect your right to your opinion.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 4th, 2011
1:57 pm

I guess I have a question for discussion. Is an “open marriage” really love or just group sex? I can’t conceive of being in love with someone and being willing to share them with anyone. How do you “OM”s define “love”.

Honestly seeking enlightenment.

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
1:59 pm

“well he woke up non-believers, too now didn’t he?”

If they don’t believe in Him and by their beliefs, He didn’t wake them up. They woke themselves up.

And in that case, a better question, would have been “Who woke up the folks that don’t believe in Him?”

(I crack ME up.)

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:00 pm

He did wake up the believer and the non believers too, LOL…Now what?

Let’s fight!

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:02 pm

All this talk of waking up has me wanting a nap. zzzzz

Simple, quit fighting and bring me the Gerald and Will CD….

kimmie

August 4th, 2011
2:04 pm

Bottom line, the concept of an open marriage is contraversial. It goes against what most of us have been taught to believe about marriage, whatever religion or no religion we practice. It’s too easy to just remain single and see other people. Like it or not, most people are not that “open” about sharing their mate with someone else. That’s why cheating gets such a strong reaction from people when it occurs.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:05 pm

….and keeps the Maury show on the air!

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
2:05 pm

But Saaaaasssssyyyyyy…….Whow else can I make it rain on if not you??? :( :( :(

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:05 pm

Sooooo kimmie does your 2:04 mean ixnay on ya bootay?

yello

August 4th, 2011
2:06 pm

And in that case, a better question, would have been “Who woke up the folks that don’t believe in Him?”

LOL. I’m going to use that one!

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:06 pm

Some of the longest wars/battles in the world that are still going on are due to religious difference.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:07 pm

Open marriages has nothing to do with Maury, it’s dumb, foolish insecure women seeking comfort in another man’s arms who’s busting that super sperm and her egg scooped it up, every drip drop!

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
2:07 pm

ITL..Give me a couple of minutes to stretch and drink this Protein shake….I will be right there!!!!

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
2:08 pm

Purp…meet me outside.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:08 pm

My Maury comment was directed at the last line of Kimmie’s post:

That’s why cheating gets such a strong reaction from people when it occurs.

I was trying to add a little levity to our afternoon.

Simp, you are nasty.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:10 pm

Sexy Cool, you want to have a dance off? let’s go, outside it is!

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
2:12 pm

Wait…I thought we were fighting. I was gone throw some sand in ya’ face and hit you on the head with a rock and run.

Dancing….booooyyyy….you ain’t got nothing on my Cabbage Patch/Running Man/Dougie/Wop combo.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:13 pm

..standing outside of Sexy Cool’s building in my Saturday Night Fever Suit….yes ladies the pants are that tight and that’s ALLLLL ME!

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
2:13 pm

“Simp, you are nasty.”

Not even….if I were nasty, I would have suggested that YOU drink the protien shake… :)

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
2:14 pm

F#ck god, Mrs. Swiss woke my azz up this morning. Although “god’s” name was called a few times shortly thereafter… :lol:

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
2:15 pm

Yeah…that was offensive.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:16 pm

cues the song Billie Jean and starts to snap my fingers..after a few snaps…I thrust my hip and snap to the beat all the while my head is down….then the beat hits I rock from side to side..freeze raise my head to look at Sexy Cool then I point at her do a leg kick freeze and scream “Shamone!”

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:16 pm

I was too ITL.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:16 pm

Man, I just walked right into that one, didn’t I? Sheesh.

Speaking of dancing, anyone here watch SYTYCD??

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:18 pm

I watched the show! I’ve had my favorite from the first audition and she didn’t disappoint!

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:18 pm

Thank goodness there is a difference between a god and God.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:18 pm

That made me LOL, Purp. But please tell me why I have you pictured in the white suit with an afro.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:18 pm

Did I win the dance off?

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:19 pm

Me, too, Leggs! Well, actually, I have two faves: Melanie and Sasha.

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
2:19 pm

“…That was offensive”

Ah… then my work here is done. :lol:

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:19 pm

ITL, I had a curly fro when I was little. LOL, now my hair is luxuriously long.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:19 pm

You gotta give SC a chance to answer back… you know she’s gonna put some break moves out there….

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:20 pm

Seriously, Purp? Long???? Hunh. Didn’t jive with my mental image at all.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:22 pm

ITL, it’s at the halfway point of my neck, it was longer.

Sexy Cool needs to respond before I cue up some Nucleus “Jam on It”

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:22 pm

Swiss, do you really say stuff like that or was that an attempt at a joke? The “f” thing?

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
2:23 pm

I immediately break into the Electric Boogaloo, transitioning into the robot, dropping down into a deactivation complete with swinging arm, but wait….I come back with a tick, tick, tick, from my right hand down my spine and tick back up the left side and throw it back to ya…..what ya got?

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:24 pm

Melanie can DANCE. If she doesn’t win, then I want Sasha. Dominic is good too, but I want Melanie to win. She can dance any style with grace and fluidity.

kimmie

August 4th, 2011
2:24 pm

Purple – your 2:05, huh?

Light – yeah it keeps a LOT of shows on the air!

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:24 pm

“Thank goodness there is a difference between a god and God.”

I was thinking along those lines as well! Boy!

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
2:27 pm

In this case, I said that here specifically to be a smart azz. In real life, I just don’t discuss religion with folks who I know to be religious, because I know I’m not going to change their minds, nor will they change mine.

The lone exception so far has been this pair of jehovah’s witnesses. I did eventually tell them that jehovah could suck The Matterhorn, but that was only after trying to politely get rid of them for about 10 minutes. :lol:

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:27 pm

And, if we’re talking about respecting everyone’s religious views or lack thereof, you should respect coming on a blog and NOT say F….god! That was pure d crass!!!

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:27 pm

kimmie, your post said someting about sharing and I said “ixnay on ya booty” meaning “so that means I gets to have none of your goodies cookies?” LOL

Sassy Black..Make it rain down on Meee ;-)

August 4th, 2011
2:28 pm

R.I.P. Bubba Smith :-(

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:31 pm

I start to walk around Sexy Cool in a ever widening circle then I start to swing my arms and then move right into a windmill, to a headspin…FREEZE on my head with my legs open and both hands on my crotch….wait theres more…I flip over and do the worm towards here then rock up and chill right in front of her in my b-boy stance with my mouth frowned up! “Cold Chillin’”

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:35 pm

**starts to do the “heel-toe” away from Sexy Cool** LOL

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
2:35 pm

How this thing turn into a religion discussion? All folks have to do is live how they want. If you condone OM’s go on with it don’t make it where it has to be justified or accepted by the masses. Nobody is saying you can’t do that.

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
2:36 pm

It’s a blog, not a church. Why should saying something considered “blasphemous” by some be any more inappropriate here than professing the belief that one’s “god” will ultimately judge & punish any who don’t believe similarly?

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:37 pm

And Melanie is my hometown girl, Leggs! She’s from Marietta!!! :)

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:38 pm

Tee hee. For a minute, Purp, I thought you were going to say it was like 80s hair band long. :)

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
2:38 pm

I don’t see how you can hate from outside of the club
You can’t even get in
Hahaha, let’s go!

Yellow model chick
Yellow bottle sipping
Yellow Lamborghini
Yellow top missing
Yeah, Yeah…

I immediately start Chris Breezing all over yo’ ass….Yeah…I called up the C-Breezy moves on ya. Ya got’s nothin’!

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:39 pm

Crass and blasphemous is not the same thing.

So far, PR is a few steps ahead of SC…girl, bring it!

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:41 pm

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
2:41 pm

But crass is what I do. It’s my niche… ;-) :lol: This time, it just happened to involve you know who… :lol:

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:41 pm

Sexy Cool, I promise I was going to do some Chris Brown dances next. LOL

As I start dancing like Terry Crews did in that movie “White Chicks” whistle and all.

kimmie

August 4th, 2011
2:41 pm

Purple – Fraid not!

I’m bad, I’m bad, shamone!!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
2:42 pm

Is this the Soul Train line? Just got my fro trimmed I’m ready….LOL

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:43 pm

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:44 pm

Shamone! SHAMONNE!

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
2:45 pm

Fear( talk) of God makes PR moist :lol:

PR’s favorite word!

anything else is fair game for u PR.

That’s rich.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:45 pm

Leggs, we know who we are and HE knows who we are and as long as you know that all is well :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
2:46 pm

Come on Purp, do that Chris Brown Stomp dance. I can’t do it my legs will get stuck.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:46 pm

Exactly, swiss, exactly and your crass doesn’t usually bother me. I was offended, not that it matters because even in jokes, I would never say that in a room full of believers with a few non-believers. I wouldn’t joke to you being an atheist. It pained me, but it’s just me! Carry on!

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:46 pm

Not a moist bone in my body little scrub boy. Now go play with your homeboys from the motherlands wang. :D

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:47 pm

I don’t know the stomp dance but we can do the Kid and Play foot dance!

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:48 pm

@Blackfoote ~ what will your legs get stuck in…that’s funny!

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
2:48 pm

Not a moist bone

I believe that!

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:48 pm

I knew somebody was going to bring up White Chicks sooner or later! That dance off scene cracks me up.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:49 pm

BF, take the mirrors off the toes of your shoes!! That’s why your legs are getting stuck – that darn shininess is distracting you….. LOL

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:49 pm

“little scub boy” is right up there with SC’s “little Negro it’s summer.” Hysterical.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
2:50 pm

Kid and Play…..LOL

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:50 pm

Yeah you are a “bone” expert..to bad it’s just on the receiving the end though.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:51 pm

@ITL ~ what the heck is shining that’s distracting…if anything is shining by him looking in the mirror on his toes, he needs to RUN FORREST, RUN….

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
2:53 pm

I am a bone expert?

I thought u the one who was telling me how it’s done in the Lam

How do I become an expert?

By osmosis?

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:54 pm

Did you really ask that question, Ex. That’s priceless.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
2:54 pm

Leggs:
You know I’m not fleet of foot as I once were, the legs wont move as fast as they used too and they’ll get stuck in place like the Tin Man…..LOL

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:54 pm

Exiled gives reach arounds for a dollar at the Pride Festival…for free if you let him kiss “it” LOL

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
2:55 pm

Calling folks bone experts don’t make u look very secure PR

proly a bully but not a secure bully

just saying

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
2:57 pm

ITL:
I need those mirrors to stay in place, so I can see what I’m working with…..LOL

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:59 pm

LOL @ BF! Leggs, it’s the disco ball reflecting off those mirrors…it’s blinding!!! Course, if BF would take off those glittery britches that would help, too. :)

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
3:00 pm

I know you’re not fleet of foot, but you’re not bad. You said you’ll get stuck. That’s not moving at all (lololol).

Brown Eyed Girl!

August 4th, 2011
3:00 pm

Everybody just take a deep breath and step back! Most of our everyday norms and mores are based in part on some type of biblical belief system (killing, stealing, adultery, lying). To some degree religion shapes us all, it just depends on your experiences. My faith shapes what I say and what I do. yello and Simple Man, your faith does the same for you. Now what you have faith in may differ from what I have faith in, but it shapes your life nonetheless. I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage, one man, one woman for life. But I don’t think any less of anyone else that doesn’t believe as I do. This discussion began as question of open or closed marriages! Those that believe open, believe open. Those that believe closed, believe closed! As long as you belief doesn’t infringe on mine, its all good!

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
3:00 pm

See now, look what’s happening here… religious differences tearing us apart. We need something to bring us back together…

Let me think, what could unite us again….? :idea: Purp, Me.lo it’s time to bring peace back to the blog — I propose a peace summit @ Magic City. Are you with me? :lol:

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:01 pm

Wait, did I just say BF should take his pants off? SOOOO not what I meant. :oops:

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:01 pm

I heard someone once say they attend Bedside Baptist and does usually shouts oh god, oh god. lol

So can I get a slow motion replay on the dance off I missed? Said while Slim is doing the Catdaddy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWZwLCKyR1Q

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
3:02 pm

@Leggs?

which question?

I was clued in with some Lam knowledge and now I am the master?

I thought masters dispense knowledge to students.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
3:04 pm

Exiled really? I am the one who looks questionable? I am done I would hate be gay by association. LOL

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
3:04 pm

ITL:
Well if you say so…..LOL

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
3:04 pm

Slim, you should have been here…Purp had on afro pants and a tight wig!!!!!

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
3:05 pm

Swiss, now why in the world would Exiled want to go to a strip club with women dancing? LOL

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:05 pm

I think I need a drink. Who’s opening the blog bar???

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:05 pm

We need something to bring us back together

swiss – how about a Blogsville episode of Soul Train….and nowwwww the scramble board

AMS OKEOC (hint:a change is gonna come) lol

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
3:05 pm

Wrong venue Swiss!

God’s people won’t come :lol:

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
3:05 pm

Trying to picture exactly what afro pants would look like…. :?

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:07 pm

shirts vs. blouses…….game, blouses.

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
3:07 pm

Maybe Fulton county jail then :lol:

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
3:07 pm

Now, Me.lo, you know good & well that “god’s people” visit the club all the time — and some of ‘em even work there… :lol:

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:08 pm

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:08 pm

What do I win, Slim???

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 4th, 2011
3:09 pm

I suspect that most blog commentary is probably best left secular, regardless of our beleifs systems. That said, most have heard a phrase that I have found to be accurate pretty much sooner ofr later in even the most diehard non-believer…”there are no atheists in a foxhole”. When the waste matter hits the Westinghouse, for almost all of us there is a moment we WILL look skyward hoping there is some divine intervention.

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:10 pm

SM: An Italian with a fro…yup I shole did miss a lot apparently. Did he have on the deep v-neck butterfly collar too with his chest herrrrs picked out

http://images.joke.co.uk/images/webshop/medium/30329.jpg

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:11 pm

And a big gold chain with a medallion on it that says Purple Pimp in amethysts…..

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:12 pm

ITL – You get to dance in front of the scramble board as we go to commercial

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
3:12 pm

“I thought masters dispense knowledge to students.” – Remember sometimes the “grasshopper” becomes the “master!”

@im swiss ~ we together. We all cool…that’s why we can discuss what each other doesn’t like (usually). Give me some dap….

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
3:13 pm

What are afro pants??? I don’t recall ever hearing about afro pants!

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:14 pm

I think he meant Purp was wearing an afro and bell bottom pants…lol

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:15 pm

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
3:16 pm

Randy — RE: the “no atheists in a foxhole” thing…

So, on my 25th birthday, I was diagnosed with cancer (happy birthday, me!). My whole family is extremely religious, so naturally, right before I was taken back to surgery, they had the preacher from their church there to pray for me. I played along, because I knew not doing so would upset my parents & they were already more stressed than I was (especially my mom), but I can honestly say that I was not only not comforted by it, but I was kind of annoyed. I really wished the nurse had kicked up the i.v. drip sooner so I could have at least been high… :lol:

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
3:16 pm

Yeah…Still can’t figure out why he did not have on any shoes……

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
3:17 pm

afro pants conjures up bad images.

Slim, LOL

ITL, not the amethysts!

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
3:18 pm

Swiss do you believe that the Devil exists?

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
3:23 pm

“Swiss do you believe that the Devil exists?”

Yup…She lives on my street…..She is from hell and her bad azz kids keep letting their dog poop all over my damn yard!!!!

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
3:24 pm

Is your wife also aethist?

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
3:24 pm

ME

August 4th, 2011
3:27 pm

@SlimNu – I will be glad to explain what I meant by “something of an open marriage”. I think that the term “open” indicates that either partner can do as they please whenever and with whomever. Our rules are different in that we only “play” together – call it swinging if you will – meaning we are at the same location together and we know the others with whom our spouse is with. Sometimes we are all in the same room; other times not. But neither she nor I go out on “dates”, so to speak, without the other and neither has other sexual partners of which the other doesn’t know of, and approve, beforehand. These are the “rules” to which I referred and we are both absolutely bound by them. Now, in your post, you mention a feeling of jealousy – and, absolutely, this is extremely common – especially among those just beginning or “testing the waters” – it takes an extreme abount of confidence to actually “feel” okay when seeing your spouse with someone else. As I said, it isn’t for everyone. Neither partner should feel “inadequate” at all — This isn’t what it’s about. It certainly isn’t anything remotely close to “finding a replacement” so to speak. I can’t really speak to the “spread like a virus” as this is something I’ve never seen nor experienced. For us, it’s just a lot of fun and, believe it or not, makes us stronger as a couple. As for sex? The first thing we want whenever we arrive home from a “party” is to have sex with each other. Again, I fully understand the vast majority of the views being expressed on this blog and, for almost 35 years, I would have agreed with you 100% thinking there is NO WAY… For almost all of you, your accurate as it may not be for you. But the fact that we do really shouldn’t bother you at all – (unless, of course, you know me, and I didnt do it right!) :)

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:30 pm

The devil or at least one of the devils friends works in the cubicle right next to me

Lovely Brown- Beautiful but selfish as hell!

August 4th, 2011
3:33 pm

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:44 pm
Shamone! SHAMONNE

:lol: I leave and PR is busting out Mike J moves….hilarious! :lol

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
3:34 pm

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
3:38 pm

Purple — No.

SexyC — I actually wouldn’t classify myself as atheist — I’m an agnostic. I don’t completely discount the possibility that there could be some sort of higher power. I’m just not sure that there is. I am confident that if such a higher power does exist, it bears little to no resemblance to the “gods” depicted in any of the major religions.

As for Mrs. Swiss, she’s probably more confident that I that there is some sort of higher power, but she also thinks religion is BS.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 4th, 2011
3:38 pm

I can understand that …I’m swiss. I guess oddly enough I came to a belief in a higher power in high school biology which would seem like the opposite place. A textbook mentioned that when a bird flies into a window, breaks its neck and dies, the mass of the bird remains the same, dead and alive…yet something defined as “life” is gone. I couldn’t think of a good answer in my “scientific, punk teenager mind” why…other than there is something else called “life” that I can’t explain away as a chemical imbalance or reaction in my mind. That was a defining moment for me.

Religion is a different question altogether.

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
3:40 pm

Then you can see where I’m coming from in my post at 138p.

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:42 pm

ME – Ok, so was the process always smooth sailing in the beginning when you all came up with these guidelines? Or did you two have a few trial & error situations before you sort of made it right for yall?

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:51 pm

Oh yeah…the amethysts!! Oooh, and your super groovy mood ring….

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
3:57 pm

So swiss, you’re not giving me any dap (fist thump)? Alrighty, I’m going to go and work off this pentup frustration.

ME

August 4th, 2011
3:57 pm

@SlimNu — We were fortunate in that we had friends who were already in the lifestyle (imagine our shock when we found THAT out and, no, we’ve still never been “with” them!) and we were able to glean advice and guidelines from them. Now, some of this has been tweaked to better suit us as a couple but hearing of their experiences did help. Was it always smooth? For us, for the most part, yes. But, remember those feelings of jealousy and of feeling inadequate that you mention? Well, those are very real and some people experience those feelings in varying levels. As I earlier stated, a couple has to be extremely confident not only in themselves but also as a couple. For us, it’s made us a better couple; for others, it simply hasn’t worked. There was some “trial and error” at first and this is absolutely another area where communication is a must.

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:01 pm

Leggs — What did I miss? Gotta go back & look — but regardless, you can get “daps” from me anytime — not to mention a congratulatory smack on the mini-donk. :lol:

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
4:01 pm

Whose idea was it? Yours or hers?

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
4:01 pm

well, well, well…I do declare…I guess if that works for you two then do whatever tickles your pickles, floats your boats, bangs your wang. ;-)

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:02 pm

@Slim…reading ME,forefinger in mouf,and twiddling how to go introduce that to Uniform man! :lol:

@ME what do u like most about the lifestyle?

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:03 pm

All’s good….

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:05 pm

@ME,sooooo,

when another man makes her mourn louder than she does when she’s with u,no issues on ur part?

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:05 pm

Leggs — Okay, I see your 3:12 now, boo… Sorry I missed that earlier. For future reference, I always scan this thing by doing a keyword search for any of the following terms: puddy, poont@ng, CT, furburger, beaver, muff, tw@t, cooter, and smiling flower. :lol:

But here’s your daps, boo… :-D

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
4:05 pm

“has to be extremely confident not only in themselves ”

I, for one, am extremely confident that I should be woman enough to meet all of your needs in that area. I am also extremely confident that should you feel as if you need to go outside of our relationship then we are no longer compatible and it would be the end of our relationship.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:06 pm

30 days and counting to the UGA vs. Boise State game at the Dome….

8 days and counting to the Falcons vs Dolphins preseason game.

Go Dawgs and Go Birds!

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:06 pm

@Sexxycool?

U thinking of going that route before u tie the knot with DudeMan?

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:08 pm

Ex, does Queen “mourn” when she’s with you???? Never mind, forget I asked…. Rhetorical question.

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:10 pm

ITL?

If there is no mourn then I ain’t doing some right

Do u mourn.I mean when u had a guy ?

TwinGems

August 4th, 2011
4:11 pm

@ ME – just curious – so are we talking mostly 3 or 4 ways? Are you there sometimes as a spectator or are you knocking it out the park with the other dude…i am intrigued to know this works for some couples.

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:11 pm

I need acknowledgement

ITL?

verbal acknowledgement

knowwhatimtslkingbout? :lol:

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:12 pm

Um, Ex??? Mourn = to grieve, as in after a death or loss.

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
4:14 pm

Exiled – um…no i’m not thinking of introducing that to the beau…first of all we aren’t married, we’re dating/relationship. So if it comes to a point where he’s wanting to explore with someone else, whats the point to continuing dating each other? Nothing is holding either of us here except our desire and feelings for one another. My only hope would be that he talks to me about choosing to do so prior to acting on it.

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
4:15 pm

EX, ITL moans pleanty!!! And she gets up and makes sure the rag is warm when we are done!!!!! :)

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:15 pm

mai babo ITL?

my dear,some women(lucky ones) actually shed tears when and if hit right!

mai babo!!(that’s a lament at ur moan poverty ITL)

:lol:

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:18 pm

Simple

warm rag

U the man!

Some men(????) aren’t so lucky to have their woman that appreciates by wiping them with warm rug!

Moist men!

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:19 pm

Now, I haven’t heard that old school word in a long time….starts w/a “t” My cousin used to say it all the time.

Cool, swiss!

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:22 pm

Only here will a person mix up “mourn” for “moan.” Idios mio!!

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:23 pm

“Twinke, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are,
Shine upon the parking lot
As I eat my girlfriend’s tw@t”

~ Andrew Dice Clay

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:27 pm

I do not miss Andrew Dice Clay!!! Most times, he wasn’t even funny!

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:30 pm

No, but anytime you can work “tw@t” into a nursery rhyme, it’s art. :lol:

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:31 pm

He’s on this season of Entourage. I know guys that can still quote his stuff…. Even I could never forget The Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe…

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:33 pm

He is?? Did he swell up like Steven Segal???

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:35 pm

Only here will a person mix up “mourn” for “moan.”

Made me giggle, too. Ex thinking he’s all sexy and Queen is going through hankey after hankey.

And Ex, I’m sure it’s so spectacular it does make a grown woman cry… :)

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:36 pm

He seemed pretty big. Especially beside those Entourage guys, cause you know they’re all in the mini me club.

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:36 pm

Leggs — Yes, and yes.

“Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds & whey.
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And say, ‘Hey! What’s in the bowl, b!tch?’”

:lol:

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:37 pm

There was an old lady
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many kids
Her uterus fell out!

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:40 pm

“OOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!”

:lol:

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:42 pm

Okay, last one from me (maybe):

“Doe: a deer, a female deer.
Ray: the guy the f#cked her azz”

:lol:

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:42 pm

LOL @ Swiss! I was hoping you’d pipe in with that. :)

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:44 pm

Speaking of Steven Segal, didn’t he have a TV show for awhile where he was a police detective or something?

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:45 pm

I have no EOD to go behind ADClay….the quote bag is open….

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:45 pm

I think he actually is a cop in Louisiana somewhere.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:46 pm

Steve Segal Lawman, but he was too big to run after anyone.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:48 pm

wasn’t he too big to run after anyone???

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:48 pm

Wow! Can you imagine strolling down Bourbon St. and seeing Steven Segal standing there? I wonder if he’s as tall as he looks on TV. So many actors are way more vertically challenged than they appear.

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:49 pm

Totally random comment — well, not totally… all the tv cop show talk brings this to mind — but “Reno 911″ is in the top 5 funniest shows of all time. That is all.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:49 pm

Seriously? He was too big to run after anyone?

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:50 pm

Funny you say that, Swiss. I told my work pal that I’m channeling my inner Niecy Nash today, bc I have a big flower in my hair.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:51 pm

Hey Leggs – Coach Purple is going to sponsor us in the Warrior Dash!!! Google it.

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:52 pm

Athletes, too…

Former tennis world #1 Jim Courier is listed at 6-1. I’ve seen that dude in person at 2 different concerts (REM once & The Judybats once — apparently Jimbo & I have similar taste in music) and he’s not an inch over 5-11.

middleoftheroader

August 4th, 2011
4:53 pm

Friendship outside a marriage is one thing. It seems to me that an open marriage means sex outside first. Then that deep relationships outside the spousal relationship are okay. When I love someone I know I cannot be everything to that person but if we are in a marriage or committed relationship I make a decision to be with that person. I truly do not believe you can love or care about multiple people in the same way or equally. I have friends of both sexes but when you have a primary commitment it comes across. Sure I am attracted to others but I know when to draw the line, in myself and with them. If I need to be with someone else, or want to be, I end the existing one. I don’t like that kind of pain and I refuse to cause that kind of pain. These days no one has to marry. And people who say they want an open marriage are better off remaining unmarried and refraining from a longterm, committed relationship. It’s not about God or the law. It’s about being a decent human being. If you can’t be one, you don’t serve someone to act as one to you.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:54 pm

@ITL ~ did you read where it is said 3.55 hellish miles???

I’m no where ready for that mess! Get yourself another partner. I want to see my next birthday!!

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:57 pm

And why lie about something so inane as your height? I mean, I’m just under 5′4″, so anyone over 5′8″ looks tall to me. :)

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:58 pm

But the one in Georgia is only 3.2 hellish miles. And there’s mud…and a wall….and all kinds of other fun obstacles. C’mon, Leggs! You can wear your catsuit!

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:58 pm

Anyone 5″6″ should look tall to you. :wink:

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:59 pm

I’d stop the freaking race in my catsuit and diqualify myself, you nut.

5′6″

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:59 pm

Enter your comments here

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:59 pm

disqualify….

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
5:00 pm

ek-zakery!!! all the other racers would be get caught gawking, and we’d breeze through the course! We’d be guaranteed a medal!! :)

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
5:02 pm

EOD: Be good to others as best as you can while being good to yourself

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
5:02 pm

I was about to say, Leggs… If you’re gonna “diqualify” yourself, you should get a room. And a video camera. And give me a copy. :lol:

SB

August 4th, 2011
5:29 pm

This is quite interesting.

I personally couldn’t do it, however after dating for the past few years – I’m 28 – I can see why some people would go along with this.

Nowadays we are free to redefine relationships, marriage etc as we see fit. It’s hard to find people to commit to you the way God intended.

I have an ex who thought I was perfect to be his wife, w/ the exception that the was worried that he wouldn’t be sexually fulfilled. So in that case, maybe an open marriage in which he is allowed to be sexually satisfied elsewhere, while emotionally satisfied at home works.

I applaud the man and woman who can live like that. For me however, it seems so selfish to seek fulfillment elsewhere. If that’s the case love is no longer unconditional. It’s a matter of convenience and nothing else.

Just my two cents.

Bishop's Wife

August 4th, 2011
6:23 pm

I did’nt give a dayum what Eddie L did as long as I could shop and he kept it in the closet.

Hummmm

August 4th, 2011
6:25 pm

I wonder what other Atlanta wives feel that way? Lets see…

Realist

August 4th, 2011
6:38 pm

We went through this “open marriage” caca in the 70s and it lead to divorce. Back then we didn’t have all the STD’s and AIDS which kills people and it was still a stupid idea. Everyone I ever knew who had an “open” relationship wasn’t in that “open” relationship for long! If you want an “open” relationship it means you don’t really care much about your spouse!!!!!!

[...] Jill’s thinking about it, Mo’ Nique is in one and while we can’t confirm it we know that Will and Jada aren’t opposed to it but is it for you? [...]

Lessons Learned

August 4th, 2011
9:44 pm

I dated a man who said he did not believe we (humans) were meant to be monogamous… precendent set when 40 was “old age”. There were so many other qualities about him that I found attractive, I continued to date him. I was sexually monogamous. I “dated”, but no man came close to him – regarding the qualities that attracted me to him and kept me enchanted. He insisted he was using protection otherwise…

I put an end to it – I needed more. It was very hard to cut the ties but it was necessary for me. With distance, and remaining “friends”, I see that he has been damaged by love and never experienced a true loving reationship (f’d up family chick full of addictions & drama).

2years after I cut off sex – he shares he fathered a child – while we were supposedly exclusive… I didn’t say a word about it when he disclosed it. I was more disappointed that he didn’t feel confortable enough with me to share it…

Since then, I’ve encountered more men who want “an open relationship”. I wonder how many would be so “open” if they believed their woman was banging every dude around? Or if she had something steady with one othr guy?

I realized that if I am not enough for a man, I am not the woman for him.

Bob

August 5th, 2011
7:44 am

Been there, done that.
The wife and I started having fun with others approximately 15 years ago. The openness continued for 10 years until the novelty wore off and it seemed to be more trouble than it was worth + as we grew older it became harder to find attractive, willing participants. Our marriage was strong then and continues just as strong today after 25 years of marriage. Obviously its not for everyone, but it sure was alot of fun.

ME

August 5th, 2011
8:44 am

@Exiled — I think the part we most enjoy is the lack of pretense overall – It matters not if in the “real” world the person is middle or upper class; whether one is a doctor, lawyer, Indian Chief, or whatever – Everyone, in my opinion and experience, is simly more honest. And no, I don’t worry or have concern if someone else makes her moan more than I. We’re in it for the fun and, to be brutally honest, if she were not having fun then she wouldn’t be in agreement to continue.
As far as whose idea this was, it was very mutual but, in this lifestyle, the women basically “rule” meaning that whatever they say goes. I don’t know of a single man who has made the decision to “play” and it work without the wife being in agreement – It just doesn’t work that way.

@SexyCool — You’re entitled to feel that way and your thoughts are certainly those of the majority. As I have stated, and continue to state, this lifestyle isn’t for everyone. No one like to feel “inadequate” but that’s not what this is about. I really do understand your thoughts in this regard but this isn’t a contest. It’s just a fun lifestyle that not everyone can understand.

@TwinGems – Yes, I would say that the majority of encounters are 4-somes with the occassional 3-some and the occassional situation with group participation. We attend something of an even mix of house parties and clubs. We also travel to Jamaica to Hedo II and there are Lifestyle Conventions in various cities where an entire hotel is “taken over” by only lifestyle members.

None of this, to us at least, has anything at all to do with “humans are meant to be…” or whatever.

Nor, in our minds, does being in this lifestyle detract from our marriage or our commitment to each other. The lifestyle for us is about meeting people and having a good time; we are not in the lifestyle to find a “replacement”.
We simply get together and have a good time; much the same as anyone else except that we participate in sexual encounters with partners other than our spouse.

SaveOurRepublic

August 5th, 2011
11:25 am

“Open” marriages? You mean vile, adulterous, degenerate behavior.

C from Marietta

August 5th, 2011
11:37 am

@Harder…please

Adultery is NOT a crime in Georgia.

C from Marietta

August 5th, 2011
11:40 am

@SaveOurRepublic

It does’nt hurt you. Why care about what others do?

SaveOurRepublic

August 5th, 2011
12:13 pm

C from Marietta, I “care” for the well being of the Constitutional Republic & it’s citizens, so I don’t embrace immoral depravity. With that, I certainly understand folks are free that “lifestyle”, so be that unto them. However, I certainly won’t condone or “accept” it.

SaveOurRepublic

August 5th, 2011
12:14 pm

edited for above ^^^ ….”undestand folks are free to choose that “lifestyle….”.

Christopher

August 5th, 2011
5:13 pm

Brown Eyed Girl…you need to go hit the books and read up on wild animals. You are truly deceiving yourself if you think “most animals mate for LIFE.” The fact is that most animals come together and mate, and then the female is left to raise the young. If the male does stick around, in most cases it is only until the offspring can self support, then they are off looking for the next mate. Now I’m not suggesting that justifies open relationships, but you need to get your facts straight. Animals that mate for life are quite rare.

And based on my knowledge (as a marriage counselor), most humans also do not mate for life. I personally do not advocate for an open marriage, but I often wonder if that would save the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce (typically because one partner cheats). The reality is that most married couples are not honest enough with each other for various reasons. Many withold information that is vital to the relationship, some because they don’t want to hurt their partner. Unfortunately these omissions do more damage when they are ultimately revealed, than they would have if everyone was honest to begin with. It truly amazes me the differences in conversation when I speak to a couple together vs. when I speak to them individually. Individually they will let down their defenses and tell all to a stranger, but the person they committed to they are no where near as honest. The reality is this, if you are hiding things from your partner, regardless of what it is because you think it will hurt them, you are eventually going to kill off your relationship.

Now most people will keep some secrets, and that can be very healthy as long as the subject matter doesn’t have a signficant impact on the relationship. However, with that said, you need to realize that just because you do not think it’s significant, it doesn’t mean your partner would feel the same way. So you must walk a fine line when keeping things from your partner. If you want a long lasting happy relationship, honesty is the one thing that can accomplish that. Lies are a deal breaker in just about every form.

Bigdawg

August 5th, 2011
8:20 pm

In many cultures, such as the French and Italians, many married men have mistresses. When French premier Francois Mitterand died, both his wife AND MISTRESS

Bigdawg

August 5th, 2011
8:20 pm

…were the funeral! America is just too puritanical to be sexually progressive!

Bigdawg

August 5th, 2011
8:29 pm

Plus, all the little southern belle/Scarlett O’Hara wannabees have “traditional marriage” pounded into their pretty little heads by their mamas and daddys and preachers.
I’ll bet if you posted this in Seattle or Portland, you’d get much different responses! The South is too damn parochial for its own good!

MzD

August 5th, 2011
8:48 pm

i am in and know other couples that are successfully in open marriages. each one is unique, the boundaries defined by the people in the relationship. i have not even used my “options” in a decade, mainly because i do feel that keeping one relationship strong is enough for me. however, for the sake of principal, i demand the right. my partner and i serve as a home base..someone to come home to, someone to adventure through life with, someone who will always be my #1. our rules stipulate that we can do whatever we want…AS LONG as it does not negatively effect our own relationship. people in open relationships generally make a division between “sex” and “love.” Have you loved every single person you had sex with? Chances are no, especially if you are male. Sex does not equal love, and those who think it does are probably speaking from a faith based viewpoint. To each their own…and that is the POINT. Each relationship should be individual, and the terms of it individual, just as each one of us is individual. There should be no cookie cutter ram-down-your-throat definition of marriage. when you try to fit everyone into one slim category (monogamous, one man one woman) then you get…high divorce rates! I personally feel that it is unfair for me to say my partner is worthy of my love and adoration, but no one else gets to love him. If he is worthy of love, should I not want him to get love? Who am I to begrudge someone that? I am there to SUPPORT him, not to CHAIN him. we are partners, not jail wardens.

Greg

August 5th, 2011
11:33 pm

After more than 10 years in the ‘life’, I can tell you it is not as portrayed here. It does work for some and for some, it works for an extended period. For most, it does not work. The impact on the marriage and self image can be hugely damaging. It is easy to make it through a few years but it does catch up with you. Understand I’m not talking about the once every couple of years we are with our friends situation, I’m talking about truly being in the lifestyle. Of the couples that we knew and met early in our experience, we are the only couple that is still together. We are together because we woke up one day and realized that we were just shells of what we used to be and what we had aspirtions to be. Sex is sex and love is love. Often the two are related and often they have no relationship. However, to build a truly deep intimate relationship over time, you need and should focus soley upon your partner. Sex is great but when it become the focal point of your enjoyment and need, it has become a drug. There are too many other pursuits in life that do not rob the soul as the lifestyle does over time. You can have intimate and loving relationships with others without the focus being sex. No need to feel guilt or remorse over the past, but look to the future and the potential to develop a deep relationship with someone.

For the ‘mariage counselor’, I would suggest a refresh on your studies. You quote on the divorce rate is wildly inaccurate. The rate is no where near 50%. You are quoting studies from many years ago that were questionable at the time of publication and clearly have no basis in today’s numbers. Regardless if the rate is approaching 50%, as a counselor, you would very well know that sex ranks way down on the list of issues truly driving divorce.

Best of luck. It is an intriguing lifestyle. It can be fun. It can be addictive. However, it will rob your soul overtime if you truly committ to the lifestyle.