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Closed to open marriages?

One of my favorite recording artists, Jill Scott, caused a little buzz on Twitter yesterday. She happened to ask the question, “What do you think about open relationships?”, which garnered loads of responses.

She went on to pose this scenario “The love of your life cheats and is honest about it. Your life with him/her is everything but monogamous. Do you stay?”

I actually had to think about it for a long time! Do I walk away or do I find a way to handle it? The older I get, the more I realize what is most important.

If I had to make a choice, I would want/prefer my man to tell me before he explores his attraction to other women. Now does this mean I would jump for joy if my husband/partner sought out other people while we are supposed to be exclusive? Absolutely not! I can barely share a remote control!

I just think when two people commit to a life together, I can appreciate the deep honesty it takes to explore an open relationship.

For a long time, I believed that I wasn’t built to commit to one person. Although I have never cheated in a relationship, I simply questioned if I was capable of being with one man for the rest of my life. Could he be enough? Could I be enough? Could we convince each other that “we” were enough?

For the record, I don’t believe that open marriage is just about women kowtowing to male desires. It’s not always about having sanctioned trips to the sexual buffet of women.

To be perfectly honest, I think exploring an open relationship is like this really pragmatic approach to commitment. It’s for those who believe that it is impossible for one person to fulfill all your needs.

If the most painful part of cheating is the deception and lies, will being honest about your attraction to other people make a difference?

Could you be in an open relationship? Could you define an open marriage on your own terms?

Would you tell people that you had that kind of relationship?

What are your apprehensions about the idea?

Do you think more single people would marry if the open marriage option was on the table? Not talking about swinging lifestyle, per se. I am referring to a couple both agreeing to let each other know when they meet someone they feel a strong attraction to.

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

477 comments Add your comment

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:51 pm

Oh yeah…the amethysts!! Oooh, and your super groovy mood ring….

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
3:57 pm

So swiss, you’re not giving me any dap (fist thump)? Alrighty, I’m going to go and work off this pentup frustration.

ME

August 4th, 2011
3:57 pm

@SlimNu — We were fortunate in that we had friends who were already in the lifestyle (imagine our shock when we found THAT out and, no, we’ve still never been “with” them!) and we were able to glean advice and guidelines from them. Now, some of this has been tweaked to better suit us as a couple but hearing of their experiences did help. Was it always smooth? For us, for the most part, yes. But, remember those feelings of jealousy and of feeling inadequate that you mention? Well, those are very real and some people experience those feelings in varying levels. As I earlier stated, a couple has to be extremely confident not only in themselves but also as a couple. For us, it’s made us a better couple; for others, it simply hasn’t worked. There was some “trial and error” at first and this is absolutely another area where communication is a must.

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:01 pm

Leggs — What did I miss? Gotta go back & look — but regardless, you can get “daps” from me anytime — not to mention a congratulatory smack on the mini-donk. :lol:

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
4:01 pm

Whose idea was it? Yours or hers?

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
4:01 pm

well, well, well…I do declare…I guess if that works for you two then do whatever tickles your pickles, floats your boats, bangs your wang. ;-)

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:02 pm

@Slim…reading ME,forefinger in mouf,and twiddling how to go introduce that to Uniform man! :lol:

@ME what do u like most about the lifestyle?

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:03 pm

All’s good….

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:05 pm

@ME,sooooo,

when another man makes her mourn louder than she does when she’s with u,no issues on ur part?

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:05 pm

Leggs — Okay, I see your 3:12 now, boo… Sorry I missed that earlier. For future reference, I always scan this thing by doing a keyword search for any of the following terms: puddy, poont@ng, CT, furburger, beaver, muff, tw@t, cooter, and smiling flower. :lol:

But here’s your daps, boo… :-D

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
4:05 pm

“has to be extremely confident not only in themselves ”

I, for one, am extremely confident that I should be woman enough to meet all of your needs in that area. I am also extremely confident that should you feel as if you need to go outside of our relationship then we are no longer compatible and it would be the end of our relationship.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:06 pm

30 days and counting to the UGA vs. Boise State game at the Dome….

8 days and counting to the Falcons vs Dolphins preseason game.

Go Dawgs and Go Birds!

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:06 pm

@Sexxycool?

U thinking of going that route before u tie the knot with DudeMan?

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:08 pm

Ex, does Queen “mourn” when she’s with you???? Never mind, forget I asked…. Rhetorical question.

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:10 pm

ITL?

If there is no mourn then I ain’t doing some right

Do u mourn.I mean when u had a guy ?

TwinGems

August 4th, 2011
4:11 pm

@ ME – just curious – so are we talking mostly 3 or 4 ways? Are you there sometimes as a spectator or are you knocking it out the park with the other dude…i am intrigued to know this works for some couples.

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:11 pm

I need acknowledgement

ITL?

verbal acknowledgement

knowwhatimtslkingbout? :lol:

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:12 pm

Um, Ex??? Mourn = to grieve, as in after a death or loss.

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
4:14 pm

Exiled – um…no i’m not thinking of introducing that to the beau…first of all we aren’t married, we’re dating/relationship. So if it comes to a point where he’s wanting to explore with someone else, whats the point to continuing dating each other? Nothing is holding either of us here except our desire and feelings for one another. My only hope would be that he talks to me about choosing to do so prior to acting on it.

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
4:15 pm

EX, ITL moans pleanty!!! And she gets up and makes sure the rag is warm when we are done!!!!! :)

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:15 pm

mai babo ITL?

my dear,some women(lucky ones) actually shed tears when and if hit right!

mai babo!!(that’s a lament at ur moan poverty ITL)

:lol:

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
4:18 pm

Simple

warm rag

U the man!

Some men(????) aren’t so lucky to have their woman that appreciates by wiping them with warm rug!

Moist men!

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:19 pm

Now, I haven’t heard that old school word in a long time….starts w/a “t” My cousin used to say it all the time.

Cool, swiss!

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:22 pm

Only here will a person mix up “mourn” for “moan.” Idios mio!!

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:23 pm

“Twinke, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are,
Shine upon the parking lot
As I eat my girlfriend’s tw@t”

~ Andrew Dice Clay

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:27 pm

I do not miss Andrew Dice Clay!!! Most times, he wasn’t even funny!

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:30 pm

No, but anytime you can work “tw@t” into a nursery rhyme, it’s art. :lol:

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:31 pm

He’s on this season of Entourage. I know guys that can still quote his stuff…. Even I could never forget The Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe…

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:33 pm

He is?? Did he swell up like Steven Segal???

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:35 pm

Only here will a person mix up “mourn” for “moan.”

Made me giggle, too. Ex thinking he’s all sexy and Queen is going through hankey after hankey.

And Ex, I’m sure it’s so spectacular it does make a grown woman cry… :)

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:36 pm

He seemed pretty big. Especially beside those Entourage guys, cause you know they’re all in the mini me club.

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:36 pm

Leggs — Yes, and yes.

“Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds & whey.
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And say, ‘Hey! What’s in the bowl, b!tch?’”

:lol:

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:37 pm

There was an old lady
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many kids
Her uterus fell out!

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:40 pm

“OOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!”

:lol:

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:42 pm

Okay, last one from me (maybe):

“Doe: a deer, a female deer.
Ray: the guy the f#cked her azz”

:lol:

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:42 pm

LOL @ Swiss! I was hoping you’d pipe in with that. :)

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:44 pm

Speaking of Steven Segal, didn’t he have a TV show for awhile where he was a police detective or something?

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:45 pm

I have no EOD to go behind ADClay….the quote bag is open….

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:45 pm

I think he actually is a cop in Louisiana somewhere.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:46 pm

Steve Segal Lawman, but he was too big to run after anyone.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:48 pm

wasn’t he too big to run after anyone???

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:48 pm

Wow! Can you imagine strolling down Bourbon St. and seeing Steven Segal standing there? I wonder if he’s as tall as he looks on TV. So many actors are way more vertically challenged than they appear.

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:49 pm

Totally random comment — well, not totally… all the tv cop show talk brings this to mind — but “Reno 911″ is in the top 5 funniest shows of all time. That is all.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:49 pm

Seriously? He was too big to run after anyone?

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:50 pm

Funny you say that, Swiss. I told my work pal that I’m channeling my inner Niecy Nash today, bc I have a big flower in my hair.

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:51 pm

Hey Leggs – Coach Purple is going to sponsor us in the Warrior Dash!!! Google it.

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
4:52 pm

Athletes, too…

Former tennis world #1 Jim Courier is listed at 6-1. I’ve seen that dude in person at 2 different concerts (REM once & The Judybats once — apparently Jimbo & I have similar taste in music) and he’s not an inch over 5-11.

middleoftheroader

August 4th, 2011
4:53 pm

Friendship outside a marriage is one thing. It seems to me that an open marriage means sex outside first. Then that deep relationships outside the spousal relationship are okay. When I love someone I know I cannot be everything to that person but if we are in a marriage or committed relationship I make a decision to be with that person. I truly do not believe you can love or care about multiple people in the same way or equally. I have friends of both sexes but when you have a primary commitment it comes across. Sure I am attracted to others but I know when to draw the line, in myself and with them. If I need to be with someone else, or want to be, I end the existing one. I don’t like that kind of pain and I refuse to cause that kind of pain. These days no one has to marry. And people who say they want an open marriage are better off remaining unmarried and refraining from a longterm, committed relationship. It’s not about God or the law. It’s about being a decent human being. If you can’t be one, you don’t serve someone to act as one to you.

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
4:54 pm

@ITL ~ did you read where it is said 3.55 hellish miles???

I’m no where ready for that mess! Get yourself another partner. I want to see my next birthday!!

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
4:57 pm

And why lie about something so inane as your height? I mean, I’m just under 5′4″, so anyone over 5′8″ looks tall to me. :)