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Closed to open marriages?

One of my favorite recording artists, Jill Scott, caused a little buzz on Twitter yesterday. She happened to ask the question, “What do you think about open relationships?”, which garnered loads of responses.

She went on to pose this scenario “The love of your life cheats and is honest about it. Your life with him/her is everything but monogamous. Do you stay?”

I actually had to think about it for a long time! Do I walk away or do I find a way to handle it? The older I get, the more I realize what is most important.

If I had to make a choice, I would want/prefer my man to tell me before he explores his attraction to other women. Now does this mean I would jump for joy if my husband/partner sought out other people while we are supposed to be exclusive? Absolutely not! I can barely share a remote control!

I just think when two people commit to a life together, I can appreciate the deep honesty it takes to explore an open relationship.

For a long time, I believed that I wasn’t built to commit to one person. Although I have never cheated in a relationship, I simply questioned if I was capable of being with one man for the rest of my life. Could he be enough? Could I be enough? Could we convince each other that “we” were enough?

For the record, I don’t believe that open marriage is just about women kowtowing to male desires. It’s not always about having sanctioned trips to the sexual buffet of women.

To be perfectly honest, I think exploring an open relationship is like this really pragmatic approach to commitment. It’s for those who believe that it is impossible for one person to fulfill all your needs.

If the most painful part of cheating is the deception and lies, will being honest about your attraction to other people make a difference?

Could you be in an open relationship? Could you define an open marriage on your own terms?

Would you tell people that you had that kind of relationship?

What are your apprehensions about the idea?

Do you think more single people would marry if the open marriage option was on the table? Not talking about swinging lifestyle, per se. I am referring to a couple both agreeing to let each other know when they meet someone they feel a strong attraction to.

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

477 comments Add your comment

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:51 pm

@ITL ~ what the heck is shining that’s distracting…if anything is shining by him looking in the mirror on his toes, he needs to RUN FORREST, RUN….

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
2:53 pm

I am a bone expert?

I thought u the one who was telling me how it’s done in the Lam

How do I become an expert?

By osmosis?

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
2:54 pm

Did you really ask that question, Ex. That’s priceless.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
2:54 pm

Leggs:
You know I’m not fleet of foot as I once were, the legs wont move as fast as they used too and they’ll get stuck in place like the Tin Man…..LOL

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:54 pm

Exiled gives reach arounds for a dollar at the Pride Festival…for free if you let him kiss “it” LOL

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
2:55 pm

Calling folks bone experts don’t make u look very secure PR

proly a bully but not a secure bully

just saying

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
2:57 pm

ITL:
I need those mirrors to stay in place, so I can see what I’m working with…..LOL

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
2:59 pm

LOL @ BF! Leggs, it’s the disco ball reflecting off those mirrors…it’s blinding!!! Course, if BF would take off those glittery britches that would help, too. :)

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
3:00 pm

I know you’re not fleet of foot, but you’re not bad. You said you’ll get stuck. That’s not moving at all (lololol).

Brown Eyed Girl!

August 4th, 2011
3:00 pm

Everybody just take a deep breath and step back! Most of our everyday norms and mores are based in part on some type of biblical belief system (killing, stealing, adultery, lying). To some degree religion shapes us all, it just depends on your experiences. My faith shapes what I say and what I do. yello and Simple Man, your faith does the same for you. Now what you have faith in may differ from what I have faith in, but it shapes your life nonetheless. I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage, one man, one woman for life. But I don’t think any less of anyone else that doesn’t believe as I do. This discussion began as question of open or closed marriages! Those that believe open, believe open. Those that believe closed, believe closed! As long as you belief doesn’t infringe on mine, its all good!

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
3:00 pm

See now, look what’s happening here… religious differences tearing us apart. We need something to bring us back together…

Let me think, what could unite us again….? :idea: Purp, Me.lo it’s time to bring peace back to the blog — I propose a peace summit @ Magic City. Are you with me? :lol:

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:01 pm

Wait, did I just say BF should take his pants off? SOOOO not what I meant. :oops:

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:01 pm

I heard someone once say they attend Bedside Baptist and does usually shouts oh god, oh god. lol

So can I get a slow motion replay on the dance off I missed? Said while Slim is doing the Catdaddy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWZwLCKyR1Q

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
3:02 pm

@Leggs?

which question?

I was clued in with some Lam knowledge and now I am the master?

I thought masters dispense knowledge to students.

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
3:04 pm

Exiled really? I am the one who looks questionable? I am done I would hate be gay by association. LOL

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 4th, 2011
3:04 pm

ITL:
Well if you say so…..LOL

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
3:04 pm

Slim, you should have been here…Purp had on afro pants and a tight wig!!!!!

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
3:05 pm

Swiss, now why in the world would Exiled want to go to a strip club with women dancing? LOL

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:05 pm

I think I need a drink. Who’s opening the blog bar???

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:05 pm

We need something to bring us back together

swiss – how about a Blogsville episode of Soul Train….and nowwwww the scramble board

AMS OKEOC (hint:a change is gonna come) lol

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
3:05 pm

Wrong venue Swiss!

God’s people won’t come :lol:

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
3:05 pm

Trying to picture exactly what afro pants would look like…. :?

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:07 pm

shirts vs. blouses…….game, blouses.

Exiled!

August 4th, 2011
3:07 pm

Maybe Fulton county jail then :lol:

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
3:07 pm

Now, Me.lo, you know good & well that “god’s people” visit the club all the time — and some of ‘em even work there… :lol:

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:08 pm

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:08 pm

What do I win, Slim???

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 4th, 2011
3:09 pm

I suspect that most blog commentary is probably best left secular, regardless of our beleifs systems. That said, most have heard a phrase that I have found to be accurate pretty much sooner ofr later in even the most diehard non-believer…”there are no atheists in a foxhole”. When the waste matter hits the Westinghouse, for almost all of us there is a moment we WILL look skyward hoping there is some divine intervention.

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:10 pm

SM: An Italian with a fro…yup I shole did miss a lot apparently. Did he have on the deep v-neck butterfly collar too with his chest herrrrs picked out

http://images.joke.co.uk/images/webshop/medium/30329.jpg

Into the Light

August 4th, 2011
3:11 pm

And a big gold chain with a medallion on it that says Purple Pimp in amethysts…..

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:12 pm

ITL – You get to dance in front of the scramble board as we go to commercial

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
3:12 pm

“I thought masters dispense knowledge to students.” – Remember sometimes the “grasshopper” becomes the “master!”

@im swiss ~ we together. We all cool…that’s why we can discuss what each other doesn’t like (usually). Give me some dap….

Leggs

August 4th, 2011
3:13 pm

What are afro pants??? I don’t recall ever hearing about afro pants!

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:14 pm

I think he meant Purp was wearing an afro and bell bottom pants…lol

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:15 pm

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
3:16 pm

Randy — RE: the “no atheists in a foxhole” thing…

So, on my 25th birthday, I was diagnosed with cancer (happy birthday, me!). My whole family is extremely religious, so naturally, right before I was taken back to surgery, they had the preacher from their church there to pray for me. I played along, because I knew not doing so would upset my parents & they were already more stressed than I was (especially my mom), but I can honestly say that I was not only not comforted by it, but I was kind of annoyed. I really wished the nurse had kicked up the i.v. drip sooner so I could have at least been high… :lol:

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
3:16 pm

Yeah…Still can’t figure out why he did not have on any shoes……

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
3:17 pm

afro pants conjures up bad images.

Slim, LOL

ITL, not the amethysts!

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
3:18 pm

Swiss do you believe that the Devil exists?

Simple Man......

August 4th, 2011
3:23 pm

“Swiss do you believe that the Devil exists?”

Yup…She lives on my street…..She is from hell and her bad azz kids keep letting their dog poop all over my damn yard!!!!

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
3:24 pm

Is your wife also aethist?

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
3:24 pm

ME

August 4th, 2011
3:27 pm

@SlimNu – I will be glad to explain what I meant by “something of an open marriage”. I think that the term “open” indicates that either partner can do as they please whenever and with whomever. Our rules are different in that we only “play” together – call it swinging if you will – meaning we are at the same location together and we know the others with whom our spouse is with. Sometimes we are all in the same room; other times not. But neither she nor I go out on “dates”, so to speak, without the other and neither has other sexual partners of which the other doesn’t know of, and approve, beforehand. These are the “rules” to which I referred and we are both absolutely bound by them. Now, in your post, you mention a feeling of jealousy – and, absolutely, this is extremely common – especially among those just beginning or “testing the waters” – it takes an extreme abount of confidence to actually “feel” okay when seeing your spouse with someone else. As I said, it isn’t for everyone. Neither partner should feel “inadequate” at all — This isn’t what it’s about. It certainly isn’t anything remotely close to “finding a replacement” so to speak. I can’t really speak to the “spread like a virus” as this is something I’ve never seen nor experienced. For us, it’s just a lot of fun and, believe it or not, makes us stronger as a couple. As for sex? The first thing we want whenever we arrive home from a “party” is to have sex with each other. Again, I fully understand the vast majority of the views being expressed on this blog and, for almost 35 years, I would have agreed with you 100% thinking there is NO WAY… For almost all of you, your accurate as it may not be for you. But the fact that we do really shouldn’t bother you at all – (unless, of course, you know me, and I didnt do it right!) :)

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:30 pm

The devil or at least one of the devils friends works in the cubicle right next to me

Lovely Brown- Beautiful but selfish as hell!

August 4th, 2011
3:33 pm

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
2:44 pm
Shamone! SHAMONNE

:lol: I leave and PR is busting out Mike J moves….hilarious! :lol

Purple Reign

August 4th, 2011
3:34 pm

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2011
3:38 pm

Purple — No.

SexyC — I actually wouldn’t classify myself as atheist — I’m an agnostic. I don’t completely discount the possibility that there could be some sort of higher power. I’m just not sure that there is. I am confident that if such a higher power does exist, it bears little to no resemblance to the “gods” depicted in any of the major religions.

As for Mrs. Swiss, she’s probably more confident that I that there is some sort of higher power, but she also thinks religion is BS.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

August 4th, 2011
3:38 pm

I can understand that …I’m swiss. I guess oddly enough I came to a belief in a higher power in high school biology which would seem like the opposite place. A textbook mentioned that when a bird flies into a window, breaks its neck and dies, the mass of the bird remains the same, dead and alive…yet something defined as “life” is gone. I couldn’t think of a good answer in my “scientific, punk teenager mind” why…other than there is something else called “life” that I can’t explain away as a chemical imbalance or reaction in my mind. That was a defining moment for me.

Religion is a different question altogether.

SexyCool

August 4th, 2011
3:40 pm

Then you can see where I’m coming from in my post at 138p.

SlimNu

August 4th, 2011
3:42 pm

ME – Ok, so was the process always smooth sailing in the beginning when you all came up with these guidelines? Or did you two have a few trial & error situations before you sort of made it right for yall?