Closed to open marriages?
One of my favorite recording artists, Jill Scott, caused a little buzz on Twitter yesterday. She happened to ask the question, “What do you think about open relationships?”, which garnered loads of responses.
She went on to pose this scenario “The love of your life cheats and is honest about it. Your life with him/her is everything but monogamous. Do you stay?”
I actually had to think about it for a long time! Do I walk away or do I find a way to handle it? The older I get, the more I realize what is most important.
If I had to make a choice, I would want/prefer my man to tell me before he explores his attraction to other women. Now does this mean I would jump for joy if my husband/partner sought out other people while we are supposed to be exclusive? Absolutely not! I can barely share a remote control!
I just think when two people commit to a life together, I can appreciate the deep honesty it takes to explore an open relationship.
For a long time, I believed that I wasn’t built to commit to one person. Although I have never cheated in a relationship, I simply questioned if I was capable of being with one man for the rest of my life. Could he be enough? Could I be enough? Could we convince each other that “we” were enough?
For the record, I don’t believe that open marriage is just about women kowtowing to male desires. It’s not always about having sanctioned trips to the sexual buffet of women.
To be perfectly honest, I think exploring an open relationship is like this really pragmatic approach to commitment. It’s for those who believe that it is impossible for one person to fulfill all your needs.
If the most painful part of cheating is the deception and lies, will being honest about your attraction to other people make a difference?
Could you be in an open relationship? Could you define an open marriage on your own terms?
Would you tell people that you had that kind of relationship?
What are your apprehensions about the idea?
Do you think more single people would marry if the open marriage option was on the table? Not talking about swinging lifestyle, per se. I am referring to a couple both agreeing to let each other know when they meet someone they feel a strong attraction to.
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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477 comments Add your comment
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:16 pm
cues the song Billie Jean and starts to snap my fingers..after a few snaps…I thrust my hip and snap to the beat all the while my head is down….then the beat hits I rock from side to side..freeze raise my head to look at Sexy Cool then I point at her do a leg kick freeze and scream “Shamone!”
Leggs
August 4th, 2011
2:16 pm
I was too ITL.
Into the Light
August 4th, 2011
2:16 pm
Man, I just walked right into that one, didn’t I? Sheesh.
Speaking of dancing, anyone here watch SYTYCD??
Leggs
August 4th, 2011
2:18 pm
I watched the show! I’ve had my favorite from the first audition and she didn’t disappoint!
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:18 pm
Thank goodness there is a difference between a god and God.
Into the Light
August 4th, 2011
2:18 pm
That made me LOL, Purp. But please tell me why I have you pictured in the white suit with an afro.
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:18 pm
Did I win the dance off?
Into the Light
August 4th, 2011
2:19 pm
Me, too, Leggs! Well, actually, I have two faves: Melanie and Sasha.
i'm swiss™
August 4th, 2011
2:19 pm
“…That was offensive”
Ah… then my work here is done.
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:19 pm
ITL, I had a curly fro when I was little. LOL, now my hair is luxuriously long.
Into the Light
August 4th, 2011
2:19 pm
You gotta give SC a chance to answer back… you know she’s gonna put some break moves out there….
Into the Light
August 4th, 2011
2:20 pm
Seriously, Purp? Long???? Hunh. Didn’t jive with my mental image at all.
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:22 pm
ITL, it’s at the halfway point of my neck, it was longer.
Sexy Cool needs to respond before I cue up some Nucleus “Jam on It”
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:22 pm
Swiss, do you really say stuff like that or was that an attempt at a joke? The “f” thing?
SexyCool
August 4th, 2011
2:23 pm
I immediately break into the Electric Boogaloo, transitioning into the robot, dropping down into a deactivation complete with swinging arm, but wait….I come back with a tick, tick, tick, from my right hand down my spine and tick back up the left side and throw it back to ya…..what ya got?
Leggs
August 4th, 2011
2:24 pm
Melanie can DANCE. If she doesn’t win, then I want Sasha. Dominic is good too, but I want Melanie to win. She can dance any style with grace and fluidity.
kimmie
August 4th, 2011
2:24 pm
Purple – your 2:05, huh?
Light – yeah it keeps a LOT of shows on the air!
Leggs
August 4th, 2011
2:24 pm
“Thank goodness there is a difference between a god and God.”
I was thinking along those lines as well! Boy!
i'm swiss™
August 4th, 2011
2:27 pm
In this case, I said that here specifically to be a smart azz. In real life, I just don’t discuss religion with folks who I know to be religious, because I know I’m not going to change their minds, nor will they change mine.
The lone exception so far has been this pair of jehovah’s witnesses. I did eventually tell them that jehovah could suck The Matterhorn, but that was only after trying to politely get rid of them for about 10 minutes.
Leggs
August 4th, 2011
2:27 pm
And, if we’re talking about respecting everyone’s religious views or lack thereof, you should respect coming on a blog and NOT say F….god! That was pure d crass!!!
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:27 pm
kimmie, your post said someting about sharing and I said “ixnay on ya booty” meaning “so that means I gets to have none of your goodies cookies?” LOL
Sassy Black..Make it rain down on Meee ;-)
August 4th, 2011
2:28 pm
R.I.P. Bubba Smith
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:31 pm
I start to walk around Sexy Cool in a ever widening circle then I start to swing my arms and then move right into a windmill, to a headspin…FREEZE on my head with my legs open and both hands on my crotch….wait theres more…I flip over and do the worm towards here then rock up and chill right in front of her in my b-boy stance with my mouth frowned up! “Cold Chillin’”
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:35 pm
**starts to do the “heel-toe” away from Sexy Cool** LOL
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 4th, 2011
2:35 pm
How this thing turn into a religion discussion? All folks have to do is live how they want. If you condone OM’s go on with it don’t make it where it has to be justified or accepted by the masses. Nobody is saying you can’t do that.
i'm swiss™
August 4th, 2011
2:36 pm
It’s a blog, not a church. Why should saying something considered “blasphemous” by some be any more inappropriate here than professing the belief that one’s “god” will ultimately judge & punish any who don’t believe similarly?
Into the Light
August 4th, 2011
2:37 pm
And Melanie is my hometown girl, Leggs! She’s from Marietta!!!
Into the Light
August 4th, 2011
2:38 pm
Tee hee. For a minute, Purp, I thought you were going to say it was like 80s hair band long.
SexyCool
August 4th, 2011
2:38 pm
I don’t see how you can hate from outside of the club
You can’t even get in
Hahaha, let’s go!
Yellow model chick
Yellow bottle sipping
Yellow Lamborghini
Yellow top missing
Yeah, Yeah…
I immediately start Chris Breezing all over yo’ ass….Yeah…I called up the C-Breezy moves on ya. Ya got’s nothin’!
Leggs
August 4th, 2011
2:39 pm
Crass and blasphemous is not the same thing.
So far, PR is a few steps ahead of SC…girl, bring it!
Leggs
August 4th, 2011
2:41 pm
are not….
i'm swiss™
August 4th, 2011
2:41 pm
But crass is what I do. It’s my niche…
This time, it just happened to involve you know who… 
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:41 pm
Sexy Cool, I promise I was going to do some Chris Brown dances next. LOL
As I start dancing like Terry Crews did in that movie “White Chicks” whistle and all.
kimmie
August 4th, 2011
2:41 pm
Purple – Fraid not!
I’m bad, I’m bad, shamone!!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 4th, 2011
2:42 pm
Is this the Soul Train line? Just got my fro trimmed I’m ready….LOL
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:43 pm
Here is my Terry Crews dance:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWstyHN4Iy4
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:44 pm
Shamone! SHAMONNE!
Exiled!
August 4th, 2011
2:45 pm
Fear( talk) of God makes PR moist
PR’s favorite word!
anything else is fair game for u PR.
That’s rich.
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:45 pm
Leggs, we know who we are and HE knows who we are and as long as you know that all is well
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 4th, 2011
2:46 pm
Come on Purp, do that Chris Brown Stomp dance. I can’t do it my legs will get stuck.
Leggs
August 4th, 2011
2:46 pm
Exactly, swiss, exactly and your crass doesn’t usually bother me. I was offended, not that it matters because even in jokes, I would never say that in a room full of believers with a few non-believers. I wouldn’t joke to you being an atheist. It pained me, but it’s just me! Carry on!
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:46 pm
Not a moist bone in my body little scrub boy. Now go play with your homeboys from the motherlands wang.
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:47 pm
I don’t know the stomp dance but we can do the Kid and Play foot dance!
Leggs
August 4th, 2011
2:48 pm
@Blackfoote ~ what will your legs get stuck in…that’s funny!
Exiled!
August 4th, 2011
2:48 pm
Not a moist bone
I believe that!
Into the Light
August 4th, 2011
2:48 pm
I knew somebody was going to bring up White Chicks sooner or later! That dance off scene cracks me up.
Into the Light
August 4th, 2011
2:49 pm
BF, take the mirrors off the toes of your shoes!! That’s why your legs are getting stuck – that darn shininess is distracting you….. LOL
Leggs
August 4th, 2011
2:49 pm
“little scub boy” is right up there with SC’s “little Negro it’s summer.” Hysterical.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
August 4th, 2011
2:50 pm
Kid and Play…..LOL
Purple Reign
August 4th, 2011
2:50 pm
Yeah you are a “bone” expert..to bad it’s just on the receiving the end though.