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Your dating duty: Tell the truth

I have always thought that one of the toughest things about dating is not really getting feedback when things don’t work out. A lot of us are walking around completely oblivious to the reason why we are running people off.

While all of our egos may be safely intact, we don’t get a chance to address any personal growth issues that may need to dealt with. Things like having a temper, poor communication issues, bad kisser, or worse, bad bedroom etiquette – can all be problematic.

So is it our duty and obligation to be more honest with the people we meet, date, and er dump? Would it be helpful to hear the truth about ourselves? Could you tell a person they were bad in bed?

What do you think would happen if we would “stop being polite, and start getting real” in the real world of dating?

Has anyone ever told you the cold hard truth? Did you handle it well or did it invoke a bad reaction?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

155 comments Add your comment

iRun

July 29th, 2011
8:35 am

“or worse, bad bedroom ettiquette”?

Really? In an actual relationship, that’s the most important killer?

Not poor communication?

After 14 years of marriage I can say communication is vital. You got that down and bedroom issues are a non sequitur.

Oh my God!

July 29th, 2011
8:45 am

Oh the drama!!! By the time we reach adulthood most of us should be pretty much aware of what our negative attributes are, so there’s probably not too much value in an “exit interview”. Besides, the older one gets, the harder behavior modification becomes. If it was easy, eventually we’d all be perfect saints.

If a couple gets to the point of breakup and the scorned partner still doesn’t know why, communication was definitely an issue in the relationship.

Lady Strange

July 29th, 2011
8:51 am

I agree that communication is the most important. If you can communicate well then these other problems can be discussed and worked through.

I personally can have a bad temper. I’ve asked my BF to help me by letting me know when I get out of hand. Controlling my temper is something I’ve been working to control and any help I can get is a good thing. I just need a gentle reminder to calm down sometimes if I am getting too upset. But at least I warn ‘em in advance! LOL

Communication is key to making a relationship work, IMO. And good hygiene is important too!

Leggs

July 29th, 2011
9:09 am

Morning!

I’m bummed. Someone stole my phone off the counter at Q-Trip last night. I was rushing when I went in to pay for my gas and take a quick look at the Cash 3 numbers. I was shocked when the number I THOUGHT about playing but didn’t play hit! Why I placed my phone on the counter and not in my purse is the million dollar question. Why couldn’t someone just turn to me and say “miss, here’s your phone.” I know, I know, that’s too much like right. Sheesh, people will steal your fingernails if they could!

So is it our duty and obligation to be more honest with the people we meet – YES, date,- YES and er dump – only if they want to know why you’re dumping them. Not everyone wants closure. Some just want to jump ship ASAP! Would it be helpful to hear the truth about ourselves? Sure, even if it stings my ego. Could you tell a person they were bad in bed? Ummmm, I wouldn’t necessarily say they were “bad,” but many lean toward another way of expressing my sexual angst with him.

Michael P.

July 29th, 2011
9:23 am

My wife and I have been together for several years now…we met online through one of the many dating services.
However, prior to our meeting, I did date several other women who this and other dating sites. Some of these women were quite nice and attractive, and some weren’t.
One of the women I met was living in Alabama when I went for our face-to-face meeting, and I stayed at her home there for the weekend. It was a pleasant two days, and we got along well – or so I thought. And, no, we did not sleep together. The day after my arrival back home to Snellville, she contacted me and said, politely, that I was not what she was looking for, but we could be friends. She did not elaborate beyond this, so I have no idea what went wrong, even though her family and children seemed to think I was a great guy.
Another women that I went out with was from the area where I lived, and we met at the local O’ Charlies for dinner. She was, to put it plainly, every bit of an Italian woman from New York (that should say alot)! Once we were sat down and she got comfortable with me, she got fairly loud and boisterous – and rude. At one point, our waitress came by and asked if we needed anything or were ready to order? My date turned to her and abruptly said, “No…go away now!” Now, in her defense, perhaps she was only trying to insure we had some private time together, however, this is not the way you go about it.
Now even though I had been taken aback by her attitude, when she invited me to her home after dinner, I did go, however, when we arrived and walked through her front door, she basically threw herself at her with sexual intent. Now don’t get me wrong; it’s not that I didn’t find her attractive, but I was just not prepared for the onslaught. I made my excuses and left.
Now, I did tell her the following day why I left, and why I was unwilling to see her again, albiet politely but in deffinitive terms. Did she learn anything from this? Apparently not, as she emailed me a couple of weeks later and told me she had been terminated from her paralegal position with a local attorney for being rude to his clients.
As far as bedroom ettiquette is concerned, I agree with iRun; if there’s communication, things can be worked out, provided of course that the one your communicating with listens to what you’re explaining to them and cares enough to take corrective action.
But here we should remember the saying, “Who convinced against their will, is of the same opinion still”.

Jeff

July 29th, 2011
9:32 am

Why give the woman an opportunity go off on you, even become violent? No thanks. You’re already going to be the bad guy no matter what, so why put any effort into improving her form someone else. Odds are, she wasn’t listening when you were together, why expect her to start now.

just me

July 29th, 2011
9:32 am

I think this is silly. Most times before the breakup there has been arguments about what that other person feels is your problem. The only time you may need feedback is when someone stops dating you after two or three dates, and I would not call that a breakup.

When breaking up, chances are that person has cussed you out well enough for you to know why they don’t like you no’ mo’

JASon

July 29th, 2011
9:33 am

“Things like having a temper, poor communication issues, bad kisser, or worse, bad bedroom etiquette”

All things which I would be willing to put up with if she was hot.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 29th, 2011
9:36 am

Be honest, everybody knows the truth hurts. Hard to think honesty would hurt anyone but it does. Have character be tactful lies stretches distort, and compounds the pain, there’s no good reason to put anyone through that. Communicating is so important.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 29th, 2011
9:39 am

Sorry to hear about your phone Leggs. Go back this afternooon it may turn up.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 29th, 2011
9:42 am

I just saw you did say someone stole it, well don’t worry about going back. I know it makes you feel kinda naked without it.

Red

July 29th, 2011
9:42 am

Somebody once gave me the “truth” about why we were on the outs, and did so in a brutally honest way. The delivery of the message was really pretty hateful, but once I got past the way the news was delivered, I realized that there was truth to the message. So, while I was not happy at the time, it did sink in and the next relationship is the beneficiary.

abc

July 29th, 2011
9:43 am

Just exactly what is good bedroom etiquette? Just sayin.

Red

July 29th, 2011
9:45 am

A man once asked me this question:

Am I the biggest and the best you’ve ever had?

Silly me, I thought an honest answer would be appreciated. What was I thinking??

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 29th, 2011
9:53 am

Red:
Aint it crazy to think telling the truth, you would recieve the worst feelings from a person and most times they asked for it.

Fion

July 29th, 2011
9:56 am

Aye man, just fade to Black and let it go. If that ain’t enough, I hear Dr. Phil. Is taking new patients.

Leggs

July 29th, 2011
9:57 am

Thanks Blackfoote. Perhaps I need to be committed. I reactivated the phone this morning so I could call it and the receptionist downstairs answered. I was so relieved. I remember getting tangled up in my bracelets, purse straps and sweater. I put everything down on the floor before leaving the bldg. Apparently, I picked everything back up but my phone. I apologize for calling one of Q-trips customers a thief. I is back in business.

@abc ~ I was wondering that too.

@Red ~ that is one of the dumbest questions a man can ask. I don’t understand why they ask that.

Celisea

July 29th, 2011
10:01 am

Morning,

Only one in every so many numbers don’t get what happened or what went wrong. Truthfully and bluntly speaking you have to be in oblivia to not know or not be clued in with the slightest inkling. If a relationship ends, typically there’s been signs, or acts of dishonesty or simply not being on one accord. Stating the obvious is not that hard nor should be too hard to receive when you’ve watched it play out. Sometimes having the hard truth told is more of a blessing in disguise. And sometimes kid gloves, spoon fed and sugar coating does more damage than good.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 29th, 2011
10:03 am

Leggs:
LOL…..at being committed, good you got your phone back.

Leggs

July 29th, 2011
10:08 am

It’s absolutely sad how dependent we are on our phones!

Fion

July 29th, 2011
10:09 am

Ya know Leggs, I need to back up my phone. I don’t know anyone’s #.

i'm swiss™

July 29th, 2011
10:10 am

Leggs — Sorry to hear about your phone… But, uh… You didn’t still have that photo of The Matterhorn that I sexted you on there, did you? :shock:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 29th, 2011
10:11 am

Celsiea:
Hello, I can get with all that you said.

Leggs/abc:
I always figured etiquette stopped at the bedroom door. I thought shyness and everything else left the bedroom when there are two consenting adults doing their thing.

single in the city

July 29th, 2011
10:12 am

I have been in situation where I was completely blindsided and got kicked to the curb. I got the ‘ideally things just aren’t going to work out’ as the reason for the break up – but nothing else. We had amazing chemistry, got along great, communicated effectively, insane/incredible bedroom activities, so I was shocked when I was let go. As time passed, he eventually reached out to me and explained that it was because he was pursuing his PhD and that he couldn’t focus on his studies if he was spending all of his time with me.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 29th, 2011
10:14 am

LOL….@Swiss
Getting it on early priceless.

Lovely Brown

July 29th, 2011
10:15 am

Good Morning and Happy Friday to all! :-)

Celisea- so on point! I have nothing to add, you said it all.

Fion

July 29th, 2011
10:15 am

@Single
when he called back, had you moved on or were you still open to the relationship???

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 29th, 2011
10:16 am

Celisea:
Excuse me for spelling your name wrong, looks like dyxlesia is getting closer and closer on my horizon….LOL

Simple Man.....

July 29th, 2011
10:17 am

Morning Folks!!!!!! On topic…..Do I want her to tell me why we broke up???? Hell naw, cause I would be willing to bet that she will not say it was because her feet smell when she wears pantent leather shoes or cause she nags the isth out of me…..Folks are never gonna acknowledge their own short commings in a relationship and until they can be honest with themselves, they can’t pull the lets be honest card with me…..

Celisea

July 29th, 2011
10:17 am

Thanks Blackfoote and Ms. Lovely :)

Celisea

July 29th, 2011
10:18 am

Blackfoote – No problem. I sometimes dabble in “dyslexia” myself…lol

Leggs

July 29th, 2011
10:19 am

@Fion ~ I didn’t have insurance on my phone, nor did I back it up. Two things I will take care of today!

@swiss ~ I was so concerned about all my pictures, esp. yours. Definitely didn’t want that to fall in the wrong hands and cause someone one to have a heart attack as they pulled out their magnifying glass! Haa haa haa. Sorry, couldn’t resist!

Celisea

July 29th, 2011
10:22 am

I’m agreeing with ya’ll on the phone thing. I have insurance but I don’t know anybody’s number. I just program under the person’s name and when I need them, I type the name to bring up the number. This convenient stuff is going to be the death of us :evil: I ashamed to admit…I don’t even know my mama’s home number. My sister had it changed so I just plugged into my phone. I just commited myself to learning numbers here of late. I’m making myself dial from my desk so after so many times I can at least recall if I’m in a jam and don’t have my phone. I just learned my sister’s number at work. I quit dialing from my cell. That’s a dang shame…..I know.

Leggs

July 29th, 2011
10:27 am

@Celisea ~ as much as I dislike math, I have a way with numbers. I know just about everyone’s number, all my bank account numbers, routing numbers of my checking account, savings #, etc. I can’t remember isht, but I can remember numbers. Go figure. Equally as important is I’ve remembered the number to The Hero Unit! Now, that is an important number to memorize (lol).

i'm swiss™

July 29th, 2011
10:28 am

See now, Leggs… Keep acting up like that & you’re asking for a spanking. No, seriously, keep acting up & ask for a spanking. Please… :lol:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 29th, 2011
10:32 am

LOL:
I have to reach hard in my memory to find my own phone number let alone somebody else.

Celisea

July 29th, 2011
10:33 am

Leggs – That’s good. I use to be able to glance at pretty much anything relating to numbers and quick references and could recall (photographic memory you could say) just remember what I saw. I tell though if you don’t use it you will lose it. I don’t think I’ve even exercised because I have other convenient ways now.

SexyCool

July 29th, 2011
10:34 am

Leggs

July 29th, 2011
10:35 am

I am laughing too hard at you swiss!!! Thanks.

SexyCool

July 29th, 2011
10:35 am

I have been known to utter the words, “Um…hmphf….that didn’t quite go as well as expected.”
(lol)

Leggs

July 29th, 2011
10:37 am

I wouldn’t say photographic memory, but close to it. I play games with glancing at numbers and seeing how much of it I can recall. Let me your phone number once, I pretty much will remember it.

And in case you guys don’t have these 2 important numbers, here they are:

Hero Unit-Serious (404) 624-2600 (Not sure what constitutes “Serious”)
Hero Unit-Gas/Flats (404) 635-8000

SexyCool

July 29th, 2011
10:38 am

Reed – if someone asks that question – they already know that they were neither and are just seeking validation.

If you confident about yo’ sht, be confident about yo’ sht. (lol)

SexyCool

July 29th, 2011
10:38 am

Sorry, Red…that is.

Leggs

July 29th, 2011
10:40 am

Dagnabit, I just looked down and my blouse has slid down almost revealing my nipple. YES, that’s how much of my tit was showing. So glad no one is here right now. SHEESH! HUSH SWISS!!!

Time to put my sweater on.

Leggs

July 29th, 2011
10:41 am

Exactly SexyC! Exactly!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 29th, 2011
10:43 am

LOL….@SexyC
Really when you know you got it, nothing needs to be said.

SexyCool

July 29th, 2011
10:44 am

Wardrobe Malfunction.

Oh..and Blog Run Report – Me and GiGi – 2.25miles – 31minutes. Yeah…it’s official – I ROCK! (kinda)

Celisea

July 29th, 2011
10:48 am

Ut oh. I’m feeling pudgy today. Gotta get on this regime we’ve all signed up for.

Simple Man.....

July 29th, 2011
10:49 am

Leggs, Please don’t tell us its cold in the office as well……

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 29th, 2011
10:49 am

Leggs:
I’m trying to stay civil, but if you’re gonna come out that way I’ll have no choice but to morph into the forrest wolf. Giving ample warning, a small woof this time you don’t to hear a full moon howl……LOL