Is living together like marriage?
One of my friends recently broke up with her long term boyfriend. They had been living together for years and she is having a hard time with the break up.
She said that they had merged their lives so much, it feels like she is going through a divorce. From finances to owning a pet together, untangling their lives is pretty painful.
While I won’t take away from her pain, I wondered if leaving a live-in situation could be compared to a marriage. Is living together that much like a marriage?
Does it have the same pros and cons? When a couple is “playing house” are they enjoying the benefits of marriage without the big commitment?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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401 comments Add your comment
Leggs
July 28th, 2011
11:25 am
@PR ~ kimmie has her plan. Haven’t heard from ITL yet.
Atheist 2.0
July 28th, 2011
11:26 am
OK….God said get married blah, blah, blah, God ordaiend marriage blah,blah, blah. Whit all of the foolishnes in this world thathas been commited inthe name of god, these decries of God only ordaining one form of commitment over another ring kinda hollow……I wonder if Eddie Longs’ wife if cool with her Marriage???? Bet dollars to donughts that Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn are more blessed and they have never stood before any man and said “I do”…..
Into the Light
July 28th, 2011
11:30 am
I got it! Thanks, Coach Purple.
If you were asking where the Bible addresses sex outside of marriage, read 1st Corinthians 7.
DJ Sniper
July 28th, 2011
11:30 am
Even though I’m married, I actually don’t have an issue with shacking up. If me and my wife had decided to go that route, I wouldn’t have minded. We have a good marriage and everything, but I realize that marriage is not a one size fits all type of arrangement.
i'm swiss™
July 28th, 2011
11:32 am
For the record, “Atheist 2.0″ is not me.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
11:36 am
Kimmie and Leggs, you are welcome. Seriously hold each other accountable. XT means cross train, just do any sort of exercise for 30 minutes that day as long as it’s low impact.
Fion
July 28th, 2011
11:36 am
This is where the Blog goes Theological. Ok, check please!
Into the Light
July 28th, 2011
11:37 am
Hey Coach…is this based on the Galloway plan? It looks familiar…..
SlimNu
July 28th, 2011
11:40 am
Speaking of EL, did any of yall see this new dude-chick that supposedly had some type of goings on with EL…can you say FLAMER
Les Demigod
July 28th, 2011
11:44 am
I saw him come to the counter where I was eating nut breakfast
Now that’s some Bukkake mess for you right there…
GOOD MORNING ALL!!!!
Leggs
July 28th, 2011
11:44 am
Do you consider hoola hooping an exercise because I do.
Leggs
July 28th, 2011
11:45 am
I saw him on the news last night. He’s sugary sweet!
Celisea
July 28th, 2011
11:46 am
I’ve always wondered….is Demigod and Alvin the same persons?
Celisea
July 28th, 2011
11:47 am
person not persons
ApolloGenX
July 28th, 2011
11:47 am
It’s all subjective. Some people don’t need outside intervention to validate thier relationship. Some people have personal relationships with God, and don’t need a particular ceremony to validate that relationship or its relevance to thier partnership with a loved one.
Other people might need structure or validation to take something more seriously than they might otherwise.
Different strokes. I will say, though that the religious aspect of marriage is seperate from the legal aspect. God requires no piece of paper certified by a state. The state operates on legal requirements dictated by policy makers, not by God. Two different systems. People who can’t understand the difference are confused and cause issues.
Marriage is no defense against character flaw. It will not prevent infidelity or guarantee against wrongdoing. Relying on the “idea” of marriage to make up for character flaws is unwise. There is no substitute for solid character and self discipline. Failed moral leaders have taught us… we are accountable for how we live. There is no excuse suitable, and no justification required for the choices we make. We are who we are, and labels do not change that.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
11:49 am
ITL, Galloway is based of times and no XT but I can see where you may think they were alike. Mine is more of distance.
Leggs hoola hoop is an excercise
abc
July 28th, 2011
11:50 am
I don’t think Eddie Long is a viable example of Christian behavior. Nobody who leads a megachurch is a good example. With some exceptions, I’m sure. For instance, I enjoy Andy Stanley’s sermons on DVD and all, but I have no idea what he’s really like. I presume Joel Osteen to be a charlatan, and most of his messages reflect that.
I think one could say that kind of thing about any church though, once it reaches a certain size and generates enough revenue, especially if it’s a branch of a religious corporate entity: UMC, SBC, ELCA, whatever. They’re like branch offices. I actually have issues with churches.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
July 28th, 2011
11:54 am
Leggs hoola hoop is exercise. They are making a come back.
Leggs
July 28th, 2011
11:54 am
@Celisea ~ yes, Demi and Alvin are the same person.
@PR ~ hoola hooping, and speed jump rope. Can I throw a game of hopscotch in to complete my routine (LOL).
sAD sACK
July 28th, 2011
11:55 am
Marriage is an outdated concept, leftover from a time when women were dependent on men for economic reasons and men were dependent on women for domestic reasons. Neither is the case any more.
SlimNu
July 28th, 2011
11:55 am
Leggs – My mom has a weighted exercise hoola hoop. She tries to do it one direction for 30 minutes and 30 in the opposite direction. I tried that thang once and I could barely go for a full 5. You should try one of those and you can feel it almost immediately.
Celisea
July 28th, 2011
11:55 am
Whew..thanks Leggs. I’ve wondered a long time about that.
SlimNu
July 28th, 2011
11:57 am
A buddy of mine recently got married and he told me he feels as if he’s been receiving more favor and blessings ever since he did it….but lemme guess, some skeptics would say it’s just a placebo effect huh
SexyCool
July 28th, 2011
11:57 am
Cel – sometimes, he will post with a combination of the names. (Just want to make it plain that in HIS case, it was not an attempt at deception. lol)
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
July 28th, 2011
11:58 am
Hopscotch, you going back to the days.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
11:59 am
ApolloGenX, read this link so that I don’t have to copy and paste or try to explain:
http://www.comereason.org/soc_culture/soc020.asp
Celisea
July 28th, 2011
11:59 am
SexyC – Your 10:57…he doesn’t strike me as such…lol
ApolloGenX
July 28th, 2011
12:00 pm
Oh, I also like how people assume all marriages are the same. I have met quite a few people from other countries that are married and don’t live together because of work. (Such as the husband works on cruise ships or something.. where money is considered very good compared to pay in the country where he is from).
I wouldn’t dare presume to be dismissive of a husband working to support his wife and kids, while the wife takes care of the home and kids. Distance doesn’t make thier bond any less real, and I admire people who can persevere through such challenges. It would be nice if people realized that there is a whole world out there, rather than trying to fit everyone into a tiny box formed by thier limited and often ignorant perspectives.
Lovely Brown
July 28th, 2011
12:01 pm
Speaking of EL, did any of yall see this new dude-chick that supposedly had some type of goings on with EL…can you say FLAMER
I saw that mess. But, I read on another blog that some members of the church are saying that he/she just stepped out to set EL up and they are still supporting him
smh
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
12:02 pm
Slim, what is your moms number. a weighter hoola hoop must mean……………
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
July 28th, 2011
12:06 pm
Leggs remember you clonked me on the head when I said marriage is the only time 1+1=1. I think you had help from Dreams not that you need any…..LOL Check out the clip Purple put out it says it plainly.
SexyCool
July 28th, 2011
12:07 pm
“some members of the church are saying that he/she just stepped out to set EL up and they are still supporting him smh”
Drinking the Kool-Aid….
Celisea
July 28th, 2011
12:07 pm
Drinking the Kool-Aid….
lol
Willie Dynamite
July 28th, 2011
12:09 pm
Afternoon All,
I think this is more of a personal choice. I’ve seen it done both ways and also seen it work out both ways good/bad. My Wife and me lived together a few yrs before getting married. Honestly we were already all in from a heart and finances standpoint. When we got married and returned from the honeymoon it wasn’t anything different. We married because she wanted me as her Husband and I wanted her as my Wife. It was not a decision based on morality. Whomever chooses to do it either way gets no judgment from me.
ApolloGenX
July 28th, 2011
12:10 pm
PR- Your link suffers from a couple of issues:
1. It assumes that Jewish marriage is the only legitimate type (It’s Old Test, so calling it Christian would be inappropriate- Judeo-Christian maybe). Well, this is arrogance as marriage pre-dates the Bible in many forms.
2. Being as that it is Old Testament, it occurs at the same time that polygamy was practiced and sanctioned. Unless we are also to assume that this method of marriage is the fundamental form we should all emulate, then we have to accept changes to the idea.
That’s the problem, in a nutshell. It’s a very old practice without a clear origin, and has been used in many ways throughout history. Much of history has seen marriage as
1. A tool to propogate the species
2. A tool to legitimize political treaties
3. A tool used to consolidate power, whether between/among countries/tribes/families
The “current” incarnation about marriage and “families” is shaped by very new and current gender based roles. How many wives did Adam have again? It wasn’t one!
Leggs
July 28th, 2011
12:11 pm
@Blackfoote ~ yep, hopscotch, jacks and dodge ball all helped me with the quick feet I have today! Well, jacks helped with my quick hands.
Speaking of quick hands, while in Miami we were all sitting outside in the cabana drinking. This dude came from out of nowhere and said “whoever can catch this balled up $100 bill can keep it. As soon as he released it, I was on it. It was the funniest thing. My gf said “where the hell did you come from with those quick hands?” She was going for it too. I gave her $40. Heck it was free $$.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
12:15 pm
Apollo I didn’t read past your first line to me, sorry. You stick to your morals and I stick to mine. That is what it boils down to really.
SlimNu
July 28th, 2011
12:16 pm
Purp – No number for you
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
July 28th, 2011
12:18 pm
LOL….@Leggs
Quick hands, feet, and Leggs.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
12:20 pm
ApolloGenX are you and Fion the same person? And according to the Bible Adam had one wife, now Lilith and the other that people like to bring up…well show me a basis of that please.
Sassy Black..Who gone check me BOO? ;-)
July 28th, 2011
12:20 pm
Speaking of EL, did any of yall see this new dude-chick that supposedly had some type of goings on with EL…
Yeah I saw it Slim Ni and the first thing I thought was, “Why does thisi guy look just like NeNe Leakes?”….chile what’s coming outta the closet next…
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
12:20 pm
Leggs, so some dude was down there making it rain on you and your friends. I think some of the story is missing, please do tell. LOL
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
12:21 pm
Slim is a hater! LOL
Sassy Black..Who gone check me BOO? ;-)
July 28th, 2011
12:21 pm
Dang I didn’nt mean to rename you Slim NU!!!
Into the Light
July 28th, 2011
12:24 pm
A weighted hula hoop! That sounds fun (and probably a lot more difficult than I am imagining it to be!).
abc, I’m with you on Andy. Charles, too, for that matter.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
July 28th, 2011
12:24 pm
There’s way more to that vacation Leggs is giving us……LOL
Celisea
July 28th, 2011
12:25 pm
I LOVE Charles Stanley. Can’t do Andy too much…he’s too new age. That’s just me though.
I would seriously be interested in purchasing a weight hoola hoop. Where can I find?
Lovely Brown
July 28th, 2011
12:28 pm
“Why does this guy look just like NeNe Leakes?”….chile what’s coming outta the closet next…
ApolloGenX
July 28th, 2011
12:29 pm
I don’t know who Fion is… but even if you don’t believe the existaence of Lilith or any other wives, the Bible clearly describes the polygamous marriages of Adam’s sons, which could only also be incestuous.
I am not saying this as a criticism of early Biblican characters, because out of necessity for propogation of the human race this would be necesssary (and again likely after the Great Flood).
What I am pointing out is that the role marriage has played in history has been diverse, and to arbitrarily try to either re-write history, or purport am image to fit a current politcal agenda is silly. Marriage even played various roles in the Bible, not that it is the only source of information on the topic.
I, myself identify as a Christian. That does not require me to ignore history, the Bible itself, or reason. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and I completely support that. I take issue when it spills over to the policial arena, and those arbitrary perceptions are used to justify the civil or legal imposition of those ideas onto others.
Leggs
July 28th, 2011
12:30 pm
@PR ~ He was drunk. A drunk and his money is easily parted.
Oh yeah, SlimNu, I’m going to look into that weighted hoola hoop!