Is living together like marriage?
One of my friends recently broke up with her long term boyfriend. They had been living together for years and she is having a hard time with the break up.
She said that they had merged their lives so much, it feels like she is going through a divorce. From finances to owning a pet together, untangling their lives is pretty painful.
While I won’t take away from her pain, I wondered if leaving a live-in situation could be compared to a marriage. Is living together that much like a marriage?
Does it have the same pros and cons? When a couple is “playing house” are they enjoying the benefits of marriage without the big commitment?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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401 comments Add your comment
Into the Light
July 28th, 2011
10:17 am
Well said about the ring, Leggs. I wanted to say something, but don’t think I would have been as eloquent as you were. Well done!
Exodus
July 28th, 2011
10:17 am
Somebody tell me why HOME DEPOT IS GETTING RID OF ALL THE BLACKS IN THE CORORATE DIVISION? Where are Jessie and Al when you need them?
Leggs
July 28th, 2011
10:19 am
Hey re-reading that, I guess he is a stalker.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
10:20 am
If you are broke after a divorce it’s not the divorce’s fault it’s your piss poor planning and handling of money. If someone takes 50% of what you have leaves you broke you need to sit your standards higher of your 100%. Be a man love your spouse and make it work, women follow OUR lead even though it may not be the popular decision, how bad do you want it? And umm Micheal P. you are not even in the game until you reach 4 carats damn near flawless.
Celisea
July 28th, 2011
10:21 am
Leggs – He constantly texts me how he blew a good woman! I never comment back to him, but always say to myself “you damn skippy!” If he wants to waste his time spying on me, that’s his time wasted.
LOL…exactly. Sooo glad my kid’s dad has moved on..Jesus
Sassy Black..Who gone check me BOO? ;-)
July 28th, 2011
10:21 am
Well dayum Slim Nu…you go gurl! While I read your posts(esp that 9:19) all I could hear in the bkgd. was that song by Snap…..I GOT THE POWER…
SlimNu
July 28th, 2011
10:22 am
Leggs – Dang, you done came up with a whole storyline, climatic drama and then the close lololol
Exiled – I don’t live with The Beau…I just consider it like a second home tho
i'm swiss™
July 28th, 2011
10:22 am
“I saw him come to the counter where I was eating nut breakfast(airport lounge) and he said’ I pint Guineas please’ then sat down to drank!”
Don’t worry about it, Me.lo, it was probably just the pilot.
On topic: living together vs. marriage is like the difference between a scrimmage and a playoff game. There are some similarities, but marriage is on a completely different level.
Oh, by the way, it was ugly, but I managed to pull out a 3-hour marathon win — 4-6, 6-3, 7-5 — to finish off an undefeated regular season.
[In my Jim Mora voice] PLAYOFFS!?!? PLAYOFFS! 
Celisea
July 28th, 2011
10:23 am
Hey Exodus – I worked in HD’s corp office 1993-96 and they weren’t feeling all that much then. You got some still hanging around??
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
10:23 am
Slim, I bet he was smiling from ear to ear when he noticed what you had on. You set the mood from the start, us guys love that type of thing even though we will say it doesn’t matter.
Exiled!
July 28th, 2011
10:23 am
Just saying!
I agree with that sentiment.
It feels good for a guy to have the milk in house without the commitment of feeding and taking care of the cow.
Let alone being accountable to it.
Celisea
July 28th, 2011
10:25 am
Congrats Swiss!!
abc
July 28th, 2011
10:26 am
A 4 carat flawless diamond would go well in excess of $100K. 1 or 2 carats is sufficient, and if the color and clarity are tops, will likely be the nicest ring in the room. It doesn’t matter that much to chicks, once they have it; they’ll want one, for sure, but once on her finger, it’s not like a status symbol to them. It’s a status symbol to us.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
10:26 am
Swiss I watched a movie last night about Tennis it was called Balls Out, I thought of you. NO HOMO
kimmie
July 28th, 2011
10:26 am
Leggs – Amen to your 10:09. It’s so not about the ring. Plus, I’d take a simple gold band with no diamond, but a legal bond along with a covenant with God any day over all else. It would really bother me that I was not getting the full package – a legal marriage. I understand after divorce some people are turned off from marriage, but that would not be my problem to have to deal with.
But to each his own. Do you and be happy.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
10:28 am
oops just realized I did not put the running plan together. Give me a few.
SlimNu
July 28th, 2011
10:30 am
Sassy – I haven’t heard that in a minute –> Who gone check me boo?
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
10:31 am
And abc, if you shop right you can buy a certified one for less than 70k but more than 48k
Lurkinator
July 28th, 2011
10:32 am
DH and I lived together for 2 years before we got married, and got engaged a year after I moved in. We’re still going strong after nearly 10 years, but we’ve had our share of ups and downs, and have 2 children. We initially did not want to get our piece o’ paper, but reconsidered later.
I would think that “playing house” might be just like marriage EXCEPT that logistically, it is a bit easier to walk away from, since marriage and divorce involve legal paperwork.
Emotionally, I would agree, especially if it’s a long-term relationship, that breaking up is hard to do, no matter what you call each other.
Leggs
July 28th, 2011
10:33 am
Yes, PR, cuz I’ve been asked about it. I thought you were still sleeping!!!! J/K.
@SlimNU ~
SlimNu
July 28th, 2011
10:35 am
Purp – Yeah when he saw me he yells out, “I SAID A TRENCHCOAT AND THAT AIN’T NO TRENCH COAT!”…He was just joking but he couldn’t maintain his normally blank stare, from that ear to ear smile. He tried to get me go throught the drive-thru at Zaxby’s just so he could see the reaction from the guy at the window. Then when we went to the licka stow he was trying to get me to go inside. I was like yeah right, go in there dressed like this and end up arrested. lol
abc
July 28th, 2011
10:36 am
D color, perfect cut, and VVSI at 4 carats for under $100K? Man, I’d have to see that to believe! I’m actually kind of happy to be out of the diamond shopping business. It was a headache. No more rings, earrings, necklaces, bracelets… she doesn’t even want any more of them.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
10:36 am
I think most women will take whatever their man gets them, I also think that a man should not go into debt for a ring.
DJ Sniper
July 28th, 2011
10:37 am
Count me as one of those guys who doesn’t get all wrapped up in ring size. Fortunately, my wife has rather simple tastes in rings, so I didn’t have to get anything elaborate for her. I’m sure I’ll upgrade her when the time comes, but on the real, I don’t think neither one of us would be happy paying for a ring that has the same price tag as a car.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
10:39 am
Slim that is awesome
abc, if you cut out the middle man(retailers), buy the stone and buy the mount seperately get them both insured and you are still under 100K
Leggs
July 28th, 2011
10:39 am
@SlimNU ~ see right there, men love to show off their women!
i'm swiss™
July 28th, 2011
10:41 am
Purple — I think you just gave me a new name for my ALTA team…
Thanks, C! Now are you ready for your lessons?
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
10:43 am
I’m crazy I guess but I think buying my wifes ring was one of the most important purchases I ever made as an adult, I’m not going to get into how much it cost etc, but I did not mind paying the cost for it. I think it is the most important thing I ever bought over my house, cars, tractors etc. Only thing second to that would be for Dante’s and whatever is coming education.
Leggs
July 28th, 2011
10:45 am
Congrats, swiss!!!
abc
July 28th, 2011
10:49 am
I agree about the wedding ring set, Purple Rain. She refers to it as a ‘ring for a queen’, and it’s pretty substantial, but the real importance of it being an impressive chunk of jewelry is meaningful mostly to only me. I wanted her to have the best ring in the room. Shallow maybe, but important to me then, and I’m happy with it now. Mine, on the other hand, is a plain gold band, specifically what I wanted, shaped and sized to be unnoticeable to me while wearing it. I bought her a plain band too, so she’d have something to wear when a big bulky diamond set isn’t practical. I think she actually likes the band better.
SlimNu
July 28th, 2011
10:53 am
Purp – Did you already know what sort of style, cut etc that the Mrs liked or did you just wing it off what YOU liked?
Celisea
July 28th, 2011
10:53 am
Swiss – Yes, this just proves you are the master.
Into the Light
July 28th, 2011
10:54 am
Congrats, Swiss! I thought about joining a team, but I haven’t played in so long I’d need to be a Z-15. LOL
SexyCool
July 28th, 2011
11:00 am
Three Words Daily – Accomplish something everyday.
SexyCool
July 28th, 2011
11:02 am
Being an active shacker and having been married in the past, you would think I have plenty to say on this subject. I don’t.
UGA 1999
July 28th, 2011
11:03 am
I dont think so at all.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
11:05 am
Slim, I did it, it’s diamond with sapphires on the sides.
Ladies, incoming you get started Aug 1st! I will be holding you accountable her on the blog.
abc, I am with you, except she got me a ring with 3 rows of diamonds, I like it because she bought it for me. I don’t like it because I think it’s flashy, I cant wear it while working to much, but hey if she likes it I love it.
L. Hill
July 28th, 2011
11:08 am
I know we’re making up our own rules as we go along, but for those that still consider God and His Word, marriage IS honorable, because the good Lord declared it so. He wasn’t talking about the ceremony either. When you believe something, you act on that belief or you live according to those beliefs. Those that “shack” have a different set of beliefs – but it has nothing to do with what God ordained. I don’t care how many divorces there are or how many dishonorable people are in marriages, it does not nullify God’s institution of marriage. Whenever we live according to God’s Word, we honor Him, and He in turn, honors us.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
11:08 am
Sexy Cool, you know both sides, which do you prefer?
Celisea
July 28th, 2011
11:11 am
@ L. Hill – Those that “shack” have a different set of beliefs
Those that have shacked have learned better
But I agree.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
11:15 am
I don’t believe in shacking but where does it actually speak on that in the Bible?
Did everyone who requested a plan get it? Don’t be sacred now!
Lovely Brown
July 28th, 2011
11:17 am
I’m glad somebody said something about that big ring ish. I was itching…..but I had to say, let it go Lovely, let it go
Celisea
July 28th, 2011
11:18 am
PR – If you can do it and not fornicate you might be okay but I don’t think that’s likely so…as humans it’s a natural thing that’s bound to happen if we’re living in that scenario.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
July 28th, 2011
11:18 am
Answer to Wise question No. Those who choose to live together without the paper I don’t judge, I wish you just as much happiness.
Fion
July 28th, 2011
11:20 am
“I don’t believe in shacking but where does it actually speak on that in the Bible?”
Between Exodus and Judges, right before the part about if you borrow your neighbors tools to bring them back.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
11:22 am
Celisea, makes sense.
SexyCool
July 28th, 2011
11:22 am
Purp – there are so many factors to go with the answer to that question that I could write a mini-series – the number one factor being that we have bought a house together and are actively planning a wedding.
If I am comparing the relationships specifically, then quite naturally I am going to say that I prefer living with TheDude over being married to the ex.
But to answer the question as it is written, because of my beliefs and my desired to be married to THIS man (not to just be married), my answer is that I prefer marriage over living together….and in some months, we will be.
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
11:22 am
Fion, which tools exactly? LOL
Purple Rain
July 28th, 2011
11:24 am
Sexy Cool, I understand. I guess my question to the masses is why not get married if you are ’shacking”? What is the downside, and if there is actually a downside why even shack if you think it won’t last?
kimmie
July 28th, 2011
11:25 am
Purple – I got it, thank you!