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Dating Mr. Serious: Dude, chill

My new guy/beau is a little on the high strung side. I think he likes the fact that I encourage – ok force- him to relax and enjoy the time we spend together.

I have a really silly, playful side at times and I love to laugh and have fun when I’m on a date. During our first few outings, I admit I was ready to deuce him out! He is making an effort to chill out but I get the sense that he has never really let himself unwind and have fun that much before.

It is kind of fun and interesting to watch him explore the simple
things that relaxes him! What do you do to unwind? Have you found that the serious/intense people you date often are the most fun to be around once they kick back?

What is the most relaxing and laid back date you have had?

On a semi-related sidebar: Why does it seem as if some men don’t want to outwardly express happiness or feelings of content. It’s actually difficult to determine when you are happy in our presence sometimes! What gives?

346 comments Add your comment

SlimNu

July 27th, 2011
7:53 am

Good morning,

Will only be in for a hot few but that’s sort of how my beau was/is at times, which I guess works for him in his line of work. He can sit there with the straightest blank stare and have you wondering what the hell happened. I on the other hand is a bit more silly/crazy, and lot’s of times I feel I serve as his entertainment of sorts. For instance, a Friday night could very well consist of us chilling at the house sippin on some adult spirits, and pulling up old videos on the tv. I’ll be up dancing and prancing around while he laughs at my crazy self & dj. I just look forward to those moments when we’re both laughing so hard our stomachs hurt.

missing him

LeeH1

July 27th, 2011
8:41 am

Uh, oh! Sounds like a control freak who doesn’t want to lose control. You may want to review your relationship. Someone who can’t have fun, doesn’t understand love.

You would not want such a man around small children.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

July 27th, 2011
8:57 am

Like Slim, I’ll only be in for a few, but

Some people are hard-wired for seriousness, it’s not personality fault, it’s just who they [we] are.

My “chill time” is when I have accomplished the tasks that are before me. Once that’s done, I party like a rock star (seriously – Vegas).

Me and my girl share the same dynamic, but it works. Everything that needs to get done, gets done and we find time to chill hard.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 27th, 2011
9:00 am

I have steeley aura, I open up when I’m in friendly company and then I’m a guy everybody likes. I talk as much BS as anyone, but I know where the edge of the cliff is located. Yep I would say I’m serious and light hearted that is my balance.

Good Morning Midweek:

Foxy

July 27th, 2011
9:13 am

Foxy thinks the real “Art” of chillin’ has been lost by many. Remember when you could just kick it wit your SO? Some of you neva had that. I say lets get back to the house party, spades, some E&J (well maybe not) and hot fish out the grease and just dayum chill. :)

When you sweat yourself, you find yourself, by yourself! Have a great day kids!

Jeff

July 27th, 2011
9:22 am

Is it just me or has anyone noticed that a high percentage of brothers refuse to smile in pictures. It actually makes ME laugh that you appear to think youncan intimidate me in a picture. Smile dude!!!!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 27th, 2011
9:22 am

Hey Foxy:
Chillin is where it’s at. The house party and fish fry and yes E&J playing spades, bid wiz was lots of fun.

kimmie

July 27th, 2011
9:28 am

Morning All!

My husband is like that – has a poker-face aura about him. Not scary serious, just blank and at times I can’t tell if he’s having fun or not unless he is laughing. Maybe it comes with his line of work, lawyer, so he knows how to not give away his hand. He’s very responsible and hardworking and organized. Sometimes I have to get on him about sweating how much stuff costs when we are out because it can put a damper on things. Not that he can’t afford it, he’s just so practical. He can’t see paying $7 for a beer at Phillips arena for the Sade concert because he knows he can get a 6 pack for that.

But he definitely knows how to relax! A lot of our Fridays are just like Slim described – spirits and movies on his spectacular entertainment system. He also likes to BBQ and have friends over for spades and whatnot. He loves comedy clubs.

I am the crazy one. Can’t dance worth a lick but I like to try. Love jokes – playing and telling them and hearing them.

I think we are a cool balance.

Blondie

July 27th, 2011
9:29 am

Mine had a hard time winding down from work and occasionally still has a hard time ending his work day. But when we are together, he expresses how relaxed and at peace I make him feel. So we’ve been working on him being more respectful of himself (and by that virtue, me as well) and leaving work at work, at a normal hour. It’s funny because all his coworkers are applauding me for inspiring him to say, “I’ll just have to handle that tomorrow. It’s time for me to go home and be with my girlfriend.” Being too serious about work, and letting it bleed into your personal life, it’s just not healthy. Boundaries have to be set so people don’t burn out.

Into the Light

July 27th, 2011
9:33 am

Morning, all!

I love to laugh, relax, and have fun but I am guilty on all counts of taking myself and life too seriously at times. I’m not a stick in the mud, but I think I use the serious side as a way to protect my heart and my feelings. It’s too easy to let down my guard when I’m laughing and joking and allow someone access to my heart that doesn’t deserve it and hasn’t earned it.

Leggs

July 27th, 2011
9:35 am

Morning!

WD has a beau, WD has a beau. Congrats (that is if this admission is from you and not a blogger).

Anywho ~ chillin is taking off the heels, nice comfy loose shorts, tank top, dranks, cards (preferrable Bid Whist), and cool peeps! Where there’s a Bid Whist game going on, there’s some cool folk and a party in another room! ALWAYS!

Into the Light

July 27th, 2011
9:37 am

Leggs, I think you need to host a blog Bid Whist tourney… :)

I remember we used to go over to a friend’s house and cookout, play cards, and have adult beverages nearly every Friday night. Good times….

abc

July 27th, 2011
9:38 am

Maybe guys aren’t given so much to being silly azz goofballs. Maybe they handle their deals such that ‘unwind’ doesn’t really have much meaning.

I tend to sit in the screened porch with a glass of wine, pet the dog and talk with my wife to chill after work. I’m mostly relaxed all the time, keeping the same center.

Celisea

July 27th, 2011
9:40 am

Morning,

What do you do to unwind? Have you found that the serious/intense people you date often are the most fun to be around once they kick back?

Typically a movie, grilling/eating, putting my feet up and letting my hair down.

Usually I’m the person folks are giggling at the most because it’s usually a “whodda thunk it” thing going on. From cutting up to cracking, it comes out though when I’m relaxed and have unwind. Sort of like discovery something is soft in the middle or on the inside.

Celisea

July 27th, 2011
9:42 am

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 27th, 2011
9:42 am

Hey Kimmie:
That’s cool, your husband and I are simular. I’d rather buy a 50 dollar bottle of vodka than spend 12 on a single drink.

Leggs

July 27th, 2011
9:44 am

@ITL ~ if you only knew. Hosting something yields a lot of “yes, I’ll come” to basically 2-3 actually showing up.

Into the Light

July 27th, 2011
9:49 am

Well that’s not good. :(

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 27th, 2011
9:51 am

Leggs, ITL, and Celisea:
Hey Ladies, Celisea hope you’re ok after your mini melt down. I warned folks about meddling with y’all(smile)

SlimNu

July 27th, 2011
9:53 am

abc – Have you ever just gone crazy, silly, goofball azz? That doesn’t have to mean stupid silly but just FUN…

kimmie

July 27th, 2011
9:53 am

Blackfoote – I get that all day. But he seems not to get that the prices for a drink or food at Phillips arena, GA Dome, MGM Grand in Vegas, Ceasars Palace, or the Staples Center in LA are NOT going to be the same as in Kroger or Publix. Just not going to happen. It is what it is.

I like to take in the entire experience. I work hard for my money and top concerts and events are what I went to school and worked hard to be able to afford. When I’m there I want to relax and enjoy myself and if I want a drink or something to eat, I’ve put enough money aside to be able to do it.

If I can’t even buy one drink, I believe in staying my behind at home. The constant groaning about prices really puts a damper on the evening.

Leggs

July 27th, 2011
9:55 am

“Can’t dance worth a lick but I like to try.”

@kimmie ~ this makes me smile because I love people who tries to dance knowing they can’t…it doesn’t stop them and that’s a good thing! Keep dancing to your own beat!

Reio

July 27th, 2011
9:55 am

Well, even as a younger man, I was very serious. Everything I do, needs to be done right. I will say this, though, people that know me have said that I need to do stand-up, cause of the funny things I say. I will also say that a lot of men won’t do things for long, if they are no enjoying it. So the fact that he is doing certain things with consistency, tells me he is enjoying them, even if his demeanor suggests otherwise.

Exiled!

July 27th, 2011
9:57 am

‘My New Guy’! Pleasase!

On topic:

Like abc said.

Have a nice day!

abc

July 27th, 2011
9:58 am

abc – Have you ever just gone crazy, silly, goofball azz?

I suppose I have at one time or another, not that I recall though. I have more of a calm demeanor when chilled than being silly. Thinking about it, silly doesn’t much characterize me at all.

Into the Light

July 27th, 2011
9:59 am

If I can’t even buy one drink, I believe in staying my behind at home. The constant groaning about prices really puts a damper on the evening.

co-sign, co-sign, co-sign!

Morning, BF.

kimmie

July 27th, 2011
10:01 am

Leggs – People that can’t let their hair down are a drag.

And you are so right, about hosting anything for any group. I’m getting more and more turned off trying to have anything for more than a handful of people. It gets old spending money and time planning, only to have half show up that said they would. Now, it’s mostly family and 1 or 2 friends/couples I can count on to come thru. That’s all I try to deal with now.

JASon

July 27th, 2011
10:05 am

“It is kind of fun and interesting to watch him explore the simple things that relaxes him!”

Now its time for me to explore the simple things that relax me. X videos, how do you do

Reio

July 27th, 2011
10:12 am

By the way, I’m what is called a “teller of the absolute, cold blooded, premeditated truth” To be such a person, one has to be serious, most of the time. Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies. Early in my courtship(1st date) of my wife, I told her that if she ever asked me a question, expect the truth. She got used to it(eventually), but I still don’t think she likes it much. I need to become more familiar with the word ‘tact’, she says.

Celisea

July 27th, 2011
10:14 am

‘Cause baby you’re a firework, c’mon show ‘em what you’re worth, make ‘em go ah ah ah as you shoot across the sky i i i

‘Cause baby you’re a firework, let your colors burst, make ‘em go ah ah ah as you shoot across the sky i i i

Boom boom boom, brighter than the moon oon oon

Celisea

July 27th, 2011
10:14 am

Morning Blackfoote

Reio

July 27th, 2011
10:16 am

@ Celisea : Too much diet soda this morning?

Celisea

July 27th, 2011
10:18 am

LOL Reio – Naah, that song came on the radio…I almost got up. Instead I decided to type the words…love that song :)

SexyCool

July 27th, 2011
10:19 am

SexyCool

July 27th, 2011
10:21 am

I can deal with a serious demeanor – as long as that’s not code for obnoxious, boring, full of themselves, stick in the mud, know-it-all…and so on.

kimmie

July 27th, 2011
10:22 am

Leggs/Celisea – Another thing about serious people. One of the things I like, no love, most about my husband is that he’s not judgemental. He’s not going to put you down or make you feel bad for being you. Even though he can be a bit stoic even when having fun, he’s not going to make me or anyone else feel bad about being silly and cutting up.

Whereas, in the past I dated a guy that thinking back, has somewhat of the same demeanor that abc has. When I would clown and be silly, he would put me down for it. Act as if he was above such “childish” behavior. I never embarassed him in public or anything like that. He just could not get the stick out of his behind. Did not know how to have fun or accept others having fun.

There is very much a difference.

Into the Light

July 27th, 2011
10:24 am

Off topic: Wonder if I could make it from Cumberland to the Busy Bee and back in an hour?

Celisea

July 27th, 2011
10:26 am

Kimmie – Exactly. Don’t pee in my cornflakes because I want to have fun. Nothing wrong with gracing a relationship with a little sunshine. That’s one thing I tend to hear….being with someone that can smile and have fun.

And it’s so ironic that usually I’m funny when tryng not to be. I have dude in stiches and looking what?

SexyCool

July 27th, 2011
10:27 am

Wise – congrats on having a new beau. Wishing you the best of luck with that.

Celisea

July 27th, 2011
10:27 am

“looking like what?”

Reio

July 27th, 2011
10:28 am

@ Into the Light : Are you talking about Atlanta?. I’m not from there. Not very familiar with the place. Have a daughter living(waaaay above her means) there, somewhere in merryetta?? or something.

Celisea

July 27th, 2011
10:30 am

ITL – That’s a ride…I would take 285 to 20 What about Cumberland to Okay Cafe?

abc

July 27th, 2011
10:31 am

I don’t put people down for being a clown. I don’t tend to hang around them much, either, though.

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

July 27th, 2011
10:34 am

People always tell me I’m too serious. Maybe I should lighten up a bit…?

Into the Light

July 27th, 2011
10:35 am

It would be a ride for sure, but it sounds so good. Today’s chicken and dressing day! :)

I guess I could do OK….or the Flying Biscuit. Ooooh, grits from the Biscuit…yum!! Can you tell I’m hungry?

kimmie

July 27th, 2011
10:35 am

abc – Great for you, and them too.

Into the Light

July 27th, 2011
10:36 am

Reio – Daddy??? j/k but I do live in Marietta.

Celisea

July 27th, 2011
10:37 am

Oh my Lord, I LOOOOVE dressing. I’m downtown, heck I might run over the Busy Bee. I haven’t been in about 6 or 7 years.

Purple Rain

July 27th, 2011
10:37 am

I work hard and play hard. When it’s time to be serious I am, when I am with family and close friends I have a good time. When I walk in the door, I am a clown with my wife sometimes..other times I am just quiet and processing. I wind down just by being at home, everything there is built for comfort and relaxation and it feels as such. When out and about I am mostly told that I look mean. It’s not that I am trying to I am just on a mission about my business and I make sure motion and energy are not spent on randomness. But like I said if I am with close family and close friends or some kids on foster visits I am clowning and joking. On personal time I wind down by reading, walking barefoot outside, shooting at critters or toying around in the shed on my many unfinished projects. I like the simple life.

Purple Rain

July 27th, 2011
10:40 am

Celisea are you one of those little skinny women that can eat everything and not put on a pound?

kimmie, I am still not used to you typing the word “husband”