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Relationships with expiration dates

I’m just at a loss of what to say to women who still believe that great sex is enough to keep a man. I think it is one of those situations that people have to experience before they get it.

The reality is it’s easy to entertain, like, and be enamored with one another when your clothes are off. That’s actually the easier part in a lot of ways!

What happens when your clothes are back on and you start to realize that outside the bedroom, you actually don’t connect in other ways?

Let me give you a hint: Tick. Tock. That’s the timer ticking to down to the demise of the relationship.

It’s not just because orgasms aren’t enough to keep two people interested. It takes more. A lot more. Especially if you want more.

Sure the amazing bedroom trysts will be a shiny new toy you can’t stop playing with – but the novelty wears off. What do you think it takes to sustain a relationship without expiration dates?

Don’t you think it rather… interesting.. that sex alone can’t sustain a relationship but a relationship without sex won’t last either?

Why do you think that is? Or do you disagree?

453 comments Add your comment

Mike

July 26th, 2011
6:31 am

This is dedicated to all the blog ladies today. Don’t settle for a lame thats not tryin to show you who he really is http://youtu.be/Y91jtjvN3NQ

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

July 26th, 2011
8:19 am

In a word…YUP. As the name says, “Been There Done that…” And when that realization starts to hit, it is a real downer.

Dave

July 26th, 2011
8:35 am

Like you said, great sex cannot sustain a relationship for a long time. But at the same time, bad sex or lack of it entireless, will blow it up almost immediately. A fulfilling sex life is like oil in a car. It takes more than oil to make it run. But without oil, it won’t go very far, either.

Dave

July 26th, 2011
8:36 am

I mean “lack of it entirely”…early morning brain cramp….

AngieKnows

July 26th, 2011
8:41 am

The hell, sex can’t keep a relationship going. I’ll take an average relationship outside of the bedroom, but spectacular sex in it over a great relationship outside and poor sex. I think a large, LARGE majority of people would agree to that.
1) Bad sex + bad relationship = NO
2) Great sex + bad relationship = a few weeks
3) Bad sex + good relationship = a few weeks…maybe
4) Great sex = good relationship = let’s ROLL!

Bottom line is that great sex can make up for a LOT of shortcomings!

Lucinda

July 26th, 2011
8:45 am

Sex connects people in a way that nothing else can, but it’s only one part of what makes the relationship work. For me, a man has to F#$% my brain first, then my body. Without the former, you don’t get to the latter. And that holds true throughout the relationship. We need mental stimulation, common interests, and the ability to laugh. Then you can get to the body.

WeedyJ

July 26th, 2011
8:50 am

When sex is good, it is 10% of the relationship. When it’s bad, it’s 90% of the relationship.

The Bosses Wife

July 26th, 2011
8:58 am

When I realized beyond the imperfections and the lack of compatibility in some areas
He was the one I wanted more than anything in ma life
The rest didn’t matter.

Purple Rain

July 26th, 2011
9:02 am

First in order to keep a man you have to get a man.

What keeps a relationship together? Love, Respect and Friendship

Casual Observer

July 26th, 2011
9:11 am

To quote something I have read here before, when teh sex gets bad or the relationship starts to wain….: “Put it in her Butt” Works every time…….

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2011
9:13 am

“sex alone can’t sustain a relationship but a relationship without sex won’t last either?”

A relationship without any loving will expire faster than the speed of light. Although there’s much more to a courtship than sex she can hold out it’s her choice, I place no fault on her. She may be waiting for the next arrival. But my first sentence states the obvious.

Good Tuesday Morning:

Blondie

July 26th, 2011
9:14 am

It’s all balance, people. Great relationships have multiple ingredients – sex is a major ingredient, but having things in common and making each other laugh/happy are crucial too. I look at it this way -if you weren’t dating your partner, would you be friends that hang out and can carry on a conversation for years? If the answer is no, then you need to re-examine your choice of partner.

The love of my life turned out to be a man I was friends with for eight years. We both dated different people through college and by the time we reconnected in our mid 20’s -we realized how we basically share a brain and how much we enjoy making each other happy. Not gonna lie, the chemistry also is there between the sheets, but it would be nothing without the mental and emotional connection.

AngieKnows

July 26th, 2011
9:15 am

All I know is if you are a decent human being and can make me scream, I’ll be your friend, respect you…and later on, I might love you. But for right now you making me scream will make me your friend until you show me something bad.

All of these packaged response about philosophy come later on. Somethings gotta be there physically in order for it to get to the Socrates line of thought.

kimmie

July 26th, 2011
9:15 am

Morning All!

If the 2 of you are just having fun, but have nothing to talk about outside the bedroom, you don’t have a “relationship”! You’re just messing around! Which that’s fine, if that’s all you want. But call it what it is!! If you were in a real relationship, you wouldn’t be so confused. You’d know already if you had things in common and really “liked” each other before you went there. That way, you’d have a clear head. But noooo, you led with the physical and then the lightbulb went off. NOW you see that the 2 of you have nothing in common, can’t take a 30 minute car ride without awkward silence for 28 minutes of it, and really don’t even like each other!

Ya don’t have anyone to blame but yourselves!

Talk, go out and really get to know each other. Then you can decide if you have the potential for a real relationship or if you are just going to have “benefits” with each other. Never mind the “friends with” part – you 2 don’t like each other enough to be real friends!LOL!!

Fion

July 26th, 2011
9:22 am

For clarification purposes only, there’s no such thing as Bad ‘Punannie”. There’s , Good, Better, Best, and then there’s Par Ex-cell-ent .
Ladies and Gentleman of the jury I submit to you that Sexual relationships that end are mired in unfulfilling, missionary only, unimaginative, bored routine.
Come on Now, think back to that person that made your eyes roll back into your head. If you could knock it off tonight, you would. Don’t lie, ya you would!
It wasn’t the Sex, it was the ongoing maintenance related to the relationship that you got tired of.

Da_Man!

July 26th, 2011
9:24 am

If I had to choose between Bad Sex + Great Relationship or Great Sex + Bad Relationship, I’d choose the later knowing that our relationship has an expiration date further down the road.

Besides, Great Sex is like a good hit of that medicinal … takes all the worries & shortcomings away!

Lucinda

July 26th, 2011
9:25 am

@AngieKnows

You’re joking, right? How can you base a friendship off of sex?

Never mind, you’re not real.

Fion

July 26th, 2011
9:28 am

Damn! Angie, I know this is sudden, but are you Married?????

Gary

July 26th, 2011
9:34 am

Trust me folks….Great sex and a great relationship are pointless if both people are not totally committed to each other for the sake of the “relationship” which should be part of the elements of a great relationship. True commitment from both sides is a rarity.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2011
9:37 am

I like rocking with her before intimacy. I want to learn things about her and she learn things about me. If we’re rolling like that chances are the relationship becomes closer and sex is a way of consumating our affection.

Bruce 53

July 26th, 2011
9:37 am

People spend to much time looking on the outside not what’s on the inside. People foucus on what kind of job he has etc. All the superfical stuff. If you look for partner out of need rather than a person that has good relationship skills and if you don’t have good relationship skills yourself your doomed before you even start.Number one is COMMUNICATIONS. Being able to be open about who
you are and want you want from your partner and the relationship.To be truly successful in a relatonship, you and your partner need to be great friends. A relationship is al living thing. The relationship needs to be fed. Flowers is food for a women’s spirit .If the couple just takes from the relationship it dies. Sex is just the icing on the cake. If your going through a lot of relationspis. Warning !There are many great books on relationships drop you ego and read some.As for me with all this information my typing still sucks :-) )

Da_Man!

July 26th, 2011
9:38 am

Uh-Oh @AngieKnows … get ready for the attack!

UGA 1999

July 26th, 2011
9:41 am

Good morning ladies and gentlemen….

Reio

July 26th, 2011
9:41 am

At the very least, sex has to be ok. Because even if it’s great, it won’t alwas be great. It gets old. You all know it’s true. After it starts to get old, if someone is crazy,this will cause the other to leave. Do the sex thing, if you want, to make the relationship last, don’t act crazy. Cut down on the crazy. Limit the crazy. Curtail the crazy. Limit the crazy. Refrain from the crazy. Arrest the cr……

Da_Man!

July 26th, 2011
9:45 am

@Reio, You either need a hug or a restraining order … maybe both?!?!?

Fion

July 26th, 2011
9:47 am

@Reio
……have you tried puttin’ in her butt????

SlimNu

July 26th, 2011
9:49 am

Top of the morning to yall,

Either extreme to me would potentially be a bad situation…to either have GREAT mind blowing sex but weak on the strenght of the relationship….or a totally great relationship with wack, don’t even think about touching me sex. A nice medium would be cool because if the relationship has a strong foundation, the hope would be that the sex part could be improved.

Into the Light

July 26th, 2011
9:49 am

Good morning, all.

It’s the difference in building your relationship house on the rock, or building it on the sand. If your house is built on something solid and lasting, you stand a better chance of weathering the storm. If your house is built on sex without any other foundation, your relationship will be shifting and prone to falling apart.

Casual Observer

July 26th, 2011
9:50 am

I can tell already that this is going to be one of those feel good topics where those that have decided that they want to be in love are going to piss all over those that have decided that they want a different kind type of relationship….. To roll with Fion, this has stopped being a trial and become a Military Tribunal where anything short of June and Ward Cleaver will be beat down and ridiculed by those who make the choice to live in a box and can’t bring themselves to respect the choices of those who do not! If You want a mental connection full of Brain F**ks then thats great, But If a person Makes the ADULT CHOICE to base a relationship on the physical then who has to right to judge them???? Its not as if those in traditional realtinships have all the answers…after all the divorce rate is what, 55% or so…..

Reio

July 26th, 2011
9:50 am

@ Fion : Asked about it. Couple of times, no takers.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2011
9:53 am

LOL….@Da_Man

Angie said great sex makes up for a lot of shortcomings. Interesting.

Purple Rain

July 26th, 2011
9:55 am

The topic:
Don’t you think it rather… interesting.. that sex alone can’t sustain a relationship but a relationship without sex won’t last either?

Why do you think that is? Or do you disagree?

Reio

July 26th, 2011
9:55 am

@ Casual Observer : I agree, so long as BOTH people know this going in.
Don’t use the other person by deceiving them into thinking you are serious about making a relationship work.

Casual Observer

July 26th, 2011
9:58 am

Reio, Thats the key….same thing applys to the person that goes into a relationship with a goal of nothing short of marriage. When Consenting adults make informed choices, I don’t think there is a wrong choice… Just different

Fion

July 26th, 2011
10:00 am

Aye man, all I’m gonna tell ya is what I know and not some sh^^t from a book.
There are Goo-Gobs of Women walkin’ right past the Quote un Quote “Good Man’ to run with that Good 10’’inches she can count on every night.

Just sayin’

AngieKnows

July 26th, 2011
10:00 am

I’m not worried. I know what I like and I just chuckle at many of these philosophical explanations. It’s like they are saying it to impress someone. Look, you either like them or you don’t you have commonalities or you don’t. But like I saw above. if a relationship is good, sex is 40% of the relationship. If the relationship is bad, sex is 80% of the problem. Don’t believe me? Ask a divorce lawyer or a marriage counselor. You like what you like and you know what you want in a partner.

Dave

July 26th, 2011
10:03 am

Purple, I have to agree….at least with me. Sex alone cannot sustain a relationship. But bad sex or lack of it will blow a relationship up before it has a chance to get a firm footing. JMHO

Da_Man!

July 26th, 2011
10:06 am

@Casual Observer, I agree with your 9:50. Before the day is out this blog will be divided. The Rick James Tribute Crew vs. The Hillary Clinton Pants Suit Wearing Ideologist (THCPSWI for short)!

Reio

July 26th, 2011
10:10 am

@ Purple Rain : I agree. It’s like that because men control everything. We pick out the women, they just go with whoever the last guy is that asks them out or their phone number. Look at it this way, everything we do is a booty call, either direct or indirect. An example : Suppose I meet someone, we go out and enjoy each another. No matter what I do or say, not do or not say, we want The booty. Call her up to check in, we want the booty. Send her email, booty. tweet, booty. Roses to her job, booty. Chocolates, booty, Hell Even if I call her to remind her that I remembered that tomorrow is her mother’s birthday and to wish her a happy birthday for me, booty. the very moment we become convinced that there will be no booty, or no more booty, we are gone. Thats the truth, and you all know it.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2011
10:10 am

Hey Angie, you say great sex can make up for a lot of shortcomings. It makes sense.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2011
10:15 am

It makes me think of the short dude, tall girl. Not so good looking girl, but great body. The dude with no money but is hanging well. Right some shortcomings will go overlooked with great sex. It happens all the time.

Fion

July 26th, 2011
10:15 am

@ BlackFoote

Hey!!! Hey!!! put your lipstick back in your case! I don’t need any help mowing my lawn.
I’ve already asked Angie for her hand.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2011
10:17 am

Fion I hope that’s dipstick in my case….LOL

JASon

July 26th, 2011
10:18 am

I completely agree with Casual Observer upon the importance of an*l sex in a relationship.

AngieKnows

July 26th, 2011
10:21 am

Blackfoote, look at the media, TV, movies, it’s on everyone’s mind and we curtail thinking and talking about it when we are MADE to or it may offend some prude. But sex and it’s side shows are everywhere. Sure it can make up for a lot of shortcomings, but it won’t make me marry you. I’ll probably just keep you along as a steady friend with a few extra benefits. I’ll be nice and thoughtful, just as long as you are. But if you’re “gifted” or just plain “good”, you have an extra quality that other normal friends don’t have. I’ll probably be more interested in going to dinner with you, movies or just hanging out, because that sexual tension is like Hot Pete on food. Just the thought of it really wakes you up. You get the nod over Joe Schmoe, even though he’s a nice guy, too. He just doesn’t have the hot sauce.

Metro

July 26th, 2011
10:25 am

Morning All!

Great Topic. As a wise man once told me who had been happily married for 50 years, “Great sex isn’t enough glue to cause two people to stick together throughout the storms of life.” If great sex is all you and your partner are looking for then by all means have fun, but if you want to build a relationship that’s lasting and fulfilling then working on more than just your bedroom tricks is a necessity!

Willie Dynamite

July 26th, 2011
10:26 am

Morning All,

This is going to be funny today.

On Topic – In my very humble opinion (then again what do i know) SEX can not sustain a relationship. However, bad sex or less than average sex can not start a relationship. I always say you can get sex from the gas station. What it takes to start and sustain a meaningful relationship takes effort. Sex doesn’t take effort. All it takes in some instances is a nice car or a few drinks. In a June/Ward Cleaver world you’d already figured that out by the time you engage in sex. I todays society you have sex then try to figure out the relationship part. Whatever works for you in your mind.
To me I’d had enough sex to know that it takes mental stimulation for me to even want to get to know more about you than that cleavage or azz. My relationship didn’t start until I had the mental picture of us being alone for an extended period w/o sex. I’m not an expert but I’ll say you will figure it out after youv’e had a few bad relationships but the sex was good moments.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

July 26th, 2011
10:26 am

Of course sex is important in a relationshiip, I defy anyone to say it ain’t.

Is it the most important thing – nope; but it is the.tie.that.binds.

You can like a person very much, not have that sexual chemistry, and it sucks. You can dislike a person and be completely compatible sexually, and it sucks.

But to like a mofo and be sexually compatible is the desired result.

And to those (new to me) participants – not everyone here advocates Ward and June missionary/sack lunch loving; we talk about it all. Learn to disagree without being disagreeable. And it’s never personal with a name on a screen….

Lucinda

July 26th, 2011
10:27 am

so q question to the folks that think sex is most important….

you going to stay with somebody for great sex even though they are crazy, lazy, stupid, ignorant, selfish, dishonest, abusive, humorless?

REALLY?

Da_Man!

July 26th, 2011
10:28 am

I nominated @AngieKnows as Grand Puba of The Rick James Tribute Crew … do I hear a second???