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Friends don’t let friends cheat

I recently read an article about a groom to be who hooked up with a stripper at his bachelor party. Apparently, it was suggested/cheered on/witnessed by his friends to have one final romp. I thought about what kind of predicament the man found himself in and almost felt bad for the guy. Almost.

I mean if he stood his ground and said no, absolutely not, what is the worst that would have happened? He would have been clowned and maybe endure a few jokes about it. In my female and totally logical mind (ha), that is a small price to pay.

I am curious as to why people encourage someone to cheat on their mates. If you decide on your own, that’s one thing. Why go out of your way and prod a friend to do the same?
It may seem like this happens among males more but I think females are guilty of it just as much.

Do you think too many of us encourage, support, and condone infidelity?

When you are dating someone, do you ask them if they have ever cheated or been unfaithful? Do you find out what their views are about infidelity? What if all or most of their friends were unfaithful to their mates?

Happy Friday!

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

272 comments Add your comment

TenderRoni

July 22nd, 2011
11:14 am

Mornings,

I do believe people will do what they want to do. But I would not encourge nor support my friend with any attempts of cheating. How does ” girl ya man ain’t layin it down at home, you better get with some of this eye candy in here”- that just sounds dumb to me. Which by the way I have over heard when I was out.

Though my friend has her own mind, I would try to talk my friend out of getting herself in some drama/mess.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
11:14 am

@Button ~ I will never understand that either. To this day, I have this one dude that stopped speaking to me because I wouldn’t let him use my home as his hotel. WTH, are you kidding me!!!!!

TenderRoni

July 22nd, 2011
11:17 am

Oh, and to add- I would especially try to talk to my friend if they are/were intoxicated. Blame it on the alochol! #lameexcuse.

UGA 1999

July 22nd, 2011
11:19 am

TenderRoni….this is a cop out more than an excuse!

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
11:20 am

I’m also not talking about people a person might have a drink with or hang with from time to time. I’m talking about the friends you hang with the majority of the time, talk to on the regular, those that would be the best man or maid of honor in your wedding.

I’m speaking from my experience too. One guy I dated had a lot of friends that were down on marriage. A few were married but claimed to be miserable. A few cheated, most complained constantly about their married life. His brother was on his 2nd marriage and had fathered an outside child during that 2nd marriage and was miserable. The single friends couldn’t commit. He would tell me his friends troubles all the time and constantly surrounding himself with that negativity did have an effect on him, and eventually on us. It would make me mad that he allowed someone else’s bad experience to influence him.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
11:22 am

That’s why its important to surround yourself with positive people. Negative Nellys or Nelsons are too draining!

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
11:22 am

Leggs – Absolutely!

Chas

July 22nd, 2011
11:27 am

But kimmie…..it IS miserable……

Dynamic

July 22nd, 2011
11:27 am

@ Kimmie, but if you are a naturally weak minded person. I seriously doubt it if being around “stong” people will change a person that much. If they are that weak they might need to seek professional help.

And some of my closest friends are opposites from me and we all live different lifestlyes. Thats is again what I love about them….the Diversity! If they were all like me then our relationships would be boring.

Sassy Black..Who gone check me BOO? ;-)

July 22nd, 2011
11:29 am

I have this one dude that stopped speaking to me because I wouldn’t let him use my home as his hotel.

:shock: Scandal!!

He’s a cheat and a cheap cheat to boot….

What I’ve encountered recently is a very bla`se´ attitude towards fidelity and cheating…The ones that care the least about fidelity are some of the most prolific cheaters. Some guys/women have no problem cheating and going home afterward. I’ve met a few guys that were either in a relationship or married but was still down to cheat. What’s more disheartening is that they looked at me like :shock: for not wanting to cheat with them. Chile pleaze…

Dave

July 22nd, 2011
11:31 am

I have unwittingly lived vicariously through many of my more “amorous” friends in their carnal adventures. Sometimes I wonder “What if….”. but that’s as far as it goes.

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

July 22nd, 2011
11:36 am

Oh I refuse to be a party to cheating…friend or no friend. I will NOT cover for you…and no you can not bring your skeezah dogs to my crib to leave it’ fleas! And when the cover is blown, I WILL say I told you so!

Also the lame excuse of being drunk is irrelevant! I do not believe liquor makes you do things that you would not do! It’s just liquid courage….balls in a bottle…to do what you are too chicken sh!t to do soberly! God wants no excuses and nether do I!

Lovely Brown

July 22nd, 2011
11:37 am

@ Chas- your partner probably feels the same way you do.

people kill me

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
11:40 am

Dynamic – What I’m talking about really isn’t that deep, stuff that one needs professional help for.

I have a diverse group of friends as well, different races, styles, etc. But there are basics my main friends and I have in common. A lot of our moral values are the same. We naturally gravitated toward each other for those reasons.

It’s like when you grow up and get married. You find you start to hang more with married couples. You are leading a different lifestyle. Not to say you don’t have anything to do with your single friends anymore, not at all. But alot of your free time is going to be with other couples, not hanging out with your single friends as much.

For Real

July 22nd, 2011
11:41 am

There is no right or wrong with cheating. It’s a choice to break ones word period. Right or wrong is subjective. Everyone has the God giving right to choose. Cheater make a choice to cheat and those that stay with cheaters make choice and those that leave cheaters make a choice. Get off your high horse.

For Real

July 22nd, 2011
11:44 am

Leggs: too much of either is not good. you should surround yourself with balance.

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
11:45 am

Leggs, what are you eating for lunch today?

Button

July 22nd, 2011
11:47 am

@ Kimmie, it’s kind of hard to escape all of the negativity out there. It’s on every corner. I try to make sure I keep positive thoughts in my mind and when I encounter negative talks esp about marriage and relationship, I nip it in the bud with the quickness.

????

July 22nd, 2011
11:48 am

Why is it that women are so FOR getting married and men are so AGAINST it? Women will flat out hit pavement to catch the thrown bouquet at a wedding and men act like the thrown garter is a hand grenade dipped in AIDS? Women say it’s because men can’t commit and men say it’s because their French Poodle turns into a frigid Pit Bull once the ring is on her finger. Wonder why that is….for both genders?

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
11:48 am

@ForReal ~ it’s balanced because you will always encounter negative as well as positive people. It’s up to you who you let shine the brightest in your life.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
11:49 am

@kimmie ~ salad and piece of salmon with a tall glass of water.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
11:51 am

@??? ~ never got up to catch the bouquet. Women look crazy running, falling, grabbing and elbowing each other. I wanted no parts of that foolishness. You raise some interesting questions, none of which I can answer (lol).

For Real

July 22nd, 2011
11:52 am

Button: So if someone tells you about their marriage and it’s negative how do you nip it in the bud?

To bury your head in the sand and make believe that negativity doesn’t exist and that your life or marriage will be filled with pixie dust and elves is childish and foolish at best. Reality is consist of positive and negatives. World cannot exist without both.

Postive: Leggs is eating a juicy peach for lunch. AGAIN!!!

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
11:53 am

Button/Leggs – Yeah, it will always be negativity out there, and misery loves company.

I chose not to be company to the misery!

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
11:55 am

I don’t know what I want. Kinda feeling some chinese food though.

For Real

July 22nd, 2011
11:55 am

Leggs: “It’s up to you who you let shine the brightest in your life.” – But it’s through negative experiences that we learn life lessons. The key is learning.

For Real

July 22nd, 2011
11:57 am

Kimmie: Negative and misery are to completely separate issues. I feel you on not choosing misery but you don’t have much control over the negative.

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
11:59 am

4 Real – Man, we get it, there are hills and valleys on this road called LIFE!! No escaping it! We grown, we know!!

What are you doing this weekend that’s interesting? Or not.

Sassy Black..Who gone check me BOO? ;-)

July 22nd, 2011
11:59 am

never got up to catch the bouquet. Women look crazy running, falling, grabbing and elbowing each other.

Me either!! When they announce the throwing of the bouquet I go in the opposite direction of the crowd and wait til that part is done. I’ve seen women damn near go to blows tryna catch it and if it’s made with real flowers(cause I’ve seen some fake ones), it usually ends up lookin like a hot mess of twigs n leaves afterwards.

TenderRoni

July 22nd, 2011
11:59 am

????- thats a good question. i talked to some friends a man and women about that. My male friend said most men he know are married because of circumstances and they thought it was the next logical step in being a man. but ended up not happy bc they didn’t take time to fall in love/like with women. He is 30, he says the reason he’s not married is because he hasn’t found unconditional love.

I thought that was interesting. Oh, and he said the oppornities he has had to get married, he said if he asked the woman he was with there would be no hesitation to say ‘yes’ simply because they were in love with the idea of getting married.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
12:01 pm

@ForReal ~ I ate another peace around 11:00. Started to say something, but changed my mind (lol).

Yep, the key is learning and being receptive. Cuz if you ain’t receptive you caint learn.

@kimmie ~ what I really want is a stuffed slice of pizza. I’ll get one this weekend. I’ve had salad for lunch all the time so I can splurge with my “comfort” food.

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
12:02 pm

Leggs – I always hated the bouquet toss!!!LOL!! Like that’s REALLY going to determine if you’re next to marry!! I remember this old woman almost knocked me down when I was 15. I didn’t care about the legend, I just wanted the pretty flowers. Guess she needed them more than me!LOL!!

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
12:02 pm

See I typed peace again. Sheesh. Peach, Peach, Peach, Peach, Peach, PEACH! Ok, I think I got it now!

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
12:04 pm

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
12:04 pm

@kimmie ~ with you being 15. was she really an old woman? That is funny to me, a 15 year old thinks a 30 year old woman is OLD.

Button

July 22nd, 2011
12:07 pm

For Real I nip it in the bud by knowing like the song says “trouble don’t last always” “weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning”. Also I don’t have too many ppl coming to me telling me all the bad stuff that happens in their marriage, but when the two times it did happened I listened and offer my advice and was much appreciated for it too.

I would be foolish to think that all marriages are a bed of roses For Real. That is not reality, reality is knowing how to handle the situation when it arises and not let it grow into a mountian.

For Real

July 22nd, 2011
12:07 pm

Kimmie: Teaching football 101 (running back position) to my youngest son on Saturday. On Sunday the continued dominance of my older son in basketball. Then hellua alot ice and anti-inflamory medicine. Oh and I am going to start a counter on how many exclamation points you in a blog day when you respond to me.

11:59 – 5 exclamation points

TenderRoni

July 22nd, 2011
12:08 pm

I have an embrassing story about the bouquet toss- couple years ago my aunt got married, she had a small wedding just family really and a few members from her church. There probably was maybe 3 or 4 single women. I decided to stay seated at the tossing. My aunt towards her back, she was getting ready to toss the bouquet. all of a sudden she stops, turns to me and says I’m going to change this up, because this has been on my heart. she walks over to me and hands me the flowers. I turned so red i didn’t know what to say. I think I was like gee, thanks!

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
12:08 pm

Leggs – Thinking back, no joke, I remember her looking to be at the least mid 50’s. And that’s being generous. I remember her having close-cut salt and pepper hair. Not premature grey with a young face either.

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
12:10 pm

4 Real – !!!!! :lol: There are a few more to add to your count!

Sounds like fun though, your weekend.

For Real

July 22nd, 2011
12:12 pm

Tender: That was a sweet story. Hey look I was going to throw this out but I have decided to give it to you. Zippppppppppppppppppppppppppp!!!! Cause it’s been on my heart.

Lovely Brown

July 22nd, 2011
12:13 pm

I’ve seen women damn near go to blows tryna catch it and if it’s made with real flowers(cause I’ve seen some fake ones), it usually ends up lookin like a hot mess of twigs n leaves afterwards.

I have seen this too…..always makes me :lol:

And the bouquet aint the only thing that ends up lookin a hot mess….I have seen women lose clothing, boobs and azz flying everywhere :lol:

TenderRoni

July 22nd, 2011
12:16 pm

@for real- funnie, watch where you sling that thang!

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
12:24 pm

@TenderRoni ~ that is funny. A lot people believe in the theory behind catching the bouquet as people truly believe in witchcraft. I’m not messing with either of them.

@SassyMe ~ I too walk in the other direction with they annouce the throwing of the bouquet. But, it is one of the funniest things at a reception.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
12:25 pm

And don’t forget about losing wigs or having it some type of sideways on your big noggin…

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

July 22nd, 2011
12:26 pm

Since it’s a Friday……here’s a blast from the past…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AqVtTVbZms

SexyCool

July 22nd, 2011
12:28 pm

I would always get up to participate in the tradition, but wasn’t seriously trying to tackle anyone to catch the bouquet. It’s a cute, fun thing to do at a wedding. Nothing more nothing less.

Having caught a bouquet in 1998 because there was only one other single chick that got up didn’t bring me a single stroke of luck when it came to dating.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
12:32 pm

Even hearing little snippets of those songs felt good.

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

July 22nd, 2011
12:32 pm

SEXYCOOL…girl I always try to be in the bathroom or run like hell when they throw the bouquet! I wants no parts of it!

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

July 22nd, 2011
12:33 pm

LEGGS…I just remember being a child and crackin’ up at the end of that commercial. “No, No my brotha…you’ve gots to get yo’ own”! LMAO