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Friends don’t let friends cheat

I recently read an article about a groom to be who hooked up with a stripper at his bachelor party. Apparently, it was suggested/cheered on/witnessed by his friends to have one final romp. I thought about what kind of predicament the man found himself in and almost felt bad for the guy. Almost.

I mean if he stood his ground and said no, absolutely not, what is the worst that would have happened? He would have been clowned and maybe endure a few jokes about it. In my female and totally logical mind (ha), that is a small price to pay.

I am curious as to why people encourage someone to cheat on their mates. If you decide on your own, that’s one thing. Why go out of your way and prod a friend to do the same?
It may seem like this happens among males more but I think females are guilty of it just as much.

Do you think too many of us encourage, support, and condone infidelity?

When you are dating someone, do you ask them if they have ever cheated or been unfaithful? Do you find out what their views are about infidelity? What if all or most of their friends were unfaithful to their mates?

Happy Friday!

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

272 comments Add your comment

Michael P.

July 22nd, 2011
5:54 am

I do not believe in cheating, and to the question regarding condoning infidelity, I, personally would never do it with anyone, much less a friend.
There have been occasions at work where I have commented favorably on a womans appearance who has entered our store, and have immediately been asked, “So, would you?” That’s all it seems to take to get my co-workers to prompt me to cheat. I have had the same experience with some friends over my life.
And, yes, I have tried to discover someones views on fidelity when I was dating. Simply put, if that individual expresses a lax attitude to cheating and infidelity, then the only thing I truly know about them is that they may cheat on me.
It’s the same as a man and woman who cheat on their respective mates with each other, then divorce the spouses to marry each other. Then at some time in the future, one of them cheats on their new spouse…well, what did you truly expect?!

Foxy

July 22nd, 2011
7:30 am

Foxy thinks however you start out, is how you will end up!

GM Kids!

Don

July 22nd, 2011
8:37 am

Nothing feels better than a new pair of socks

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
9:00 am

Morning.

@Foxy ~ you definitely speak the truth!!!

All I can say is I don’t condone cheating, would never “egg” my girl on to do it, would not loan my home to a friend to cheat (and I have been asked to do this). I don’t care what anyone says, if you cheat on me, you’re telling me you have no respect for me nor my feelings. AND, if you cheat the night before our wedding, what a fool YOU are. Too many people get caught up in the notion of now having “a ball and chain,” or “have one last romp” before you settle down. WTF! You’re stupid and your friends are stupid who suggest this!

MsMarriedUp

July 22nd, 2011
9:21 am

Oh, but friends don’t mind thinking they should get the ‘hookup’.

It’s disconcerting, and not this post, because I really enjoy the questions, but it’s funny about the amount of energy put on one matter. Cheating doesn’t begin with the actual act, and oh… how can we count the ways folk cheat…cheating starts in the heart. I don’t care what your cheating on or about, a cheater is a cheater… and that said I know more cheaters than I do devout upright pious folks.

Should this be the case? Well just let me digress back and stick witht topic here:-) I do think it might be nice if one person would only show affection to one person. Boring… but I guess it would be nice. One thing I don’t condone about cheating is putting me in the mix. You know it… levaraging that old hookup mentality…”can you say I was at your place,” or “can you ride me over there,” or “can I hide my car in your garage…” stuff like that. No! I’m not hooking no one up unless I’m getting a piece. (Just kidding!!! …on that last bit that being).

Sweet Pea

July 22nd, 2011
9:23 am

Good Morning!

I don’t believe in cheating and never desired to be in the company of friends who did so. If a person(you are dating) seems to surround themselves with a group of cheating friends then I would think you would need to check your person of interest out as this would implicate that he/she may have the same tendencies as well.

I don’t care what anyone says, if you cheat on me, you’re telling me you have no respect for me nor my feelings

Great minds think alike! Right on Leggs ;)

Ms. Atl

July 22nd, 2011
9:24 am

I find it astonishing that someone can cheat on their spouse with another married person and think that their union will be successful. How can there be trust between two people who both were married to other people when they got together and had a baby? Honor among thieves? I think not…

Celisea

July 22nd, 2011
9:24 am

Morning folks,

Birds of a feather…..

I wouldn’t encourage someone to cheat and I definitely would have something to say about it if it’s a real friend but you cannot make folks do right.

For a real friend, we’d probably mull over it and talk through it. If I had a friend that practiced no decorum or regard, I’ll probably more than likely distance myself.

Alright…got a client visit today waaaaay up near Canton…great

Celisea

July 22nd, 2011
9:29 am

Apparently, it was suggested/cheered on/witnessed by his friends to have one final romp. and I mean if he stood his ground and said no, absolutely not, what is the worst that would have happened? He would have been clowned and maybe endure a few jokes about it.

And really….who would make someone feel bad for taking the high road? Who does that? That person should reevaluate who they’re keeping company with.

Dave

July 22nd, 2011
9:32 am

I have heard on more than just a few occassions from both men and women, “If you don’t treat me right/tend to my needs, I’ll find someone that will.” I think that men cheat for the sex and the “different cookie jar” complex. Women cheat for the attention or connection, but more and more are doing it for the sex. I hear people all the time spout off about the bad kharma of cheating, when many of those same people have of have had lovers on the side. I don’t trust anyone that comes down too hard and rail on the “vile thing” that is cheating. Thou dost protest too much….ya think? It’s call diverting the attention from themselves.

Dave

July 22nd, 2011
9:35 am

In a nut shell, cheating is bad, but like my divorce lawyer had told me that 90% of here clients were involved in infidelity. The court barely even notices it in the papers. Bottom line, it goes on all over the place and you can either ignore it and move on or get up on your soap box and preach. As long as it doesn’t affect me, I’ll just ignore it.

Lovely Brown

July 22nd, 2011
9:36 am

Good Morning and Happy Friday to all! :-)

cheating starts in the heart- MsMarriedUp

This is the truth and I also believe that no one can ‘egg’ a grown person on to the point that they feel like they have to cheat….that’s BS. Also if a person has that urge to cheat, no one is going to stop them either.

David B.

July 22nd, 2011
9:39 am

Most guys are dogs, and that’s a fact.

Mike

July 22nd, 2011
9:40 am

I agree with Don. Believe me, that guy was all about getting some “strange” before his sex life comes to an end. GO get em’ boys!

Purple Rain

July 22nd, 2011
9:41 am

I wonder which one of his friends told. Not that I condone it but someone should not have been telilng what happened at the bachelor party. I have met plenty of cheaters, but I have yet to meet one that admits to cheating if asked. Do any? I don’t condone cheating at all but I do not know peoples particular situation so I won’t cast judgement. I can see how it could happen but it shouldn’t happen.

USMC

July 22nd, 2011
9:47 am

“In my female and totally logical mind (ha)…”—Wise Diva

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\— No Such Thing :-)

MsMarriedUp

July 22nd, 2011
9:48 am

LovelyBrown… you’ve said it so right.

And Dave…I love a good laugh, and you gave me one!!! LOL… ‘my divorce lawyer had told me…’ oh man, I’m now crying.

Aah…

thewatchdog

July 22nd, 2011
9:50 am

That is a great wquestion. I really like it. Encouraging someone to cheat, first, it is not cheating, people are polygomous by nature. Would anyone call it cheating to simply follow your natural instincts?
Sex is a natural normal activity. Why sooooo much is made of it boggles my mind. Ever look at those National Geographic magazines? Those natives without clothes, that is a very natural way.

SexyCool

July 22nd, 2011
9:54 am

I don’t believe that I can keep a friend from cheating, would definitely discourage and would most certainly not ENcourage it.

SlimNu

July 22nd, 2011
9:58 am

I did not say anything vulgar but the blog monster shole ate it up…WACK!

Long story short: I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING! I know how it feels to be cheated on and it burns straight down to the core. It shakes the foundation of how you previously viewed your partner and creates a crossroads for how the future will be. Trust is such a hard thing to rebuild, once compromised. I just don’t understand why folks are so greedy these days, or are so bent on looking OUTSIDE the relationship as a remedy for something that maybe wrong. It takes a person being able to open themselves up and allow their vulnerability to be exposed, to love someone. So after you go through the process of gaining their trust, their love, what’s the point of it all if you’re going to then take a chance on ruining that? If that’s your deal, then move the hell on! I don’t need another stitch in my heart…no thank you, no siree, i’ll pass

Purple Rain

July 22nd, 2011
10:03 am

Not me, I have heard some people state that cheating helps keep them happy at home? OMGWTFBBQ!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 22nd, 2011
10:08 am

I don’t condone it, I wont judge it. Every grown able minded person in the western culture know it’s wrong.

Good Day:

Celisea

July 22nd, 2011
10:09 am

people are polygomous by nature

We are beasts by nature but we know when and what to do to tame. Why aren’t we killing folks or walking in a store and talking what we want without paying? Why do we say excuse me and thank you?

Yes we are all beasts by nature but we aren’t animals. The ability to do contrary to my nature is a learned behavior. Not necessarily from someone literally teaching you step by step. I learn from how I wish to be treated…to treat or not to treat someone. None of us wants to go to prison so we check our nature. We have learned as we progress in life parameters and measures and what nots. To blame nature on carelessness does not justify one’s actions. It’s in all of us to be tamed and act like we got some sense. Some just chose not to.

Celisea

July 22nd, 2011
10:11 am

To blame carelessness on nature…rather

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
10:11 am

Morning, Happy Friday!!!

Do you think too many of us encourage, support, and condone infidelity?

You can’t make a grown person do anything they don’t already want to do. The dude at the bachelor party, and his friends are immature frat boys.

I’ve always said people have to be married first in their head before they actually sign the papers. There is no room for that “there’s no ring on my finger yet” mentality if you are in a mature, committed relationship.

That’s another thing people need to watch when getting into a relationship with someone – the type of friends they hang around. Birds of a feather definitely do flock together. It’s hard for some people to pull away from the crowd and have their own mind about how they want to run their lives. They are weak. If their friends are all players and running around on their SO’s, and acting like their having a good time doing it, the peer pressure is strong.

When dating my husband, I noticed all of his friends seem to be real family men. Even those that are divorced or still single are devoted dads and seem to treat their girlfriends well. That positive behavior is bound to rub off on everyone, just like negetive behavior would.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 22nd, 2011
10:13 am

Hello Celisea good you brought that up.
I was trying to figure how do you encourage someone to cheat and say they’re not cheating.

Dave

July 22nd, 2011
10:13 am

Purple, I have heard the same thing, just not quite as openly and not very often. It seemed as the other spouse was unwilling to change or compromise the behavior that put the “look elsewhere” idea in the person’s mind. I saw an interview with three ladies that were on the Asley madison site and they had been having ongoing affairs for 3-5 years and that it actually HELPED them stay married. I think only one husband new and gave her the green light. The other two husbands had no idea. Go figure….

Oh my God!

July 22nd, 2011
10:15 am

Alcohol and strippers usually don’t mix. I’ve never met anyone who said that cheating made their marriage stronger.

That said, this guy wasn’t married yet, and how many opportunities does your single, average guy ever have to nail a stripper?

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
10:17 am

this guy wasn’t married yet, and how many opportunities does your single, average guy ever have to nail a stripper?

See that is what I’m talking about. The key words – not married YET.

And if a single guy not in a committed relatioship wants to get with a stripper, what’s stopping him?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 22nd, 2011
10:21 am

Let me give more clarity, encourage someone to cheat, they act on it. Then say they’re not cheating because of primitive instincts.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
10:21 am

@OMG ~ a single, average guy can “nail a stripper” any day of the week. All he has to do is walk into a strip club with some moolah and BAM, he’s in like flint!

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
10:23 am

All he has to do is walk into a strip club with some moolah and BAM, he’s in like flint!

Leggs – Okay!!!! :shock: SMH

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
10:24 am

@kimmie ~ I’m lost on what you’re saying. He’s not married yet, but he was at his Bachelor party. He’s in a committed relationship with his gf until they stand at the altar reciting their vows to become man and wife! Ok, he didnt’ cheat on his wife, but he did cheat on his fiancee!???

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 22nd, 2011
10:24 am

LOL……Hey Kimmie, I see the light. You must have been a English major you can pick those key words.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
10:26 am

@kimmie ~ I was just defending his stance that an average joe blow couldn’t get with a stripper.

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

July 22nd, 2011
10:26 am

“Foxy thinks however you start out, is how you will end up!”

Me thinks FOXY is right! For example….Marc Anthony was still married when he hooked up with Jennifer Lopez. And now it’s always been said this dude has cheated on her multiple times! Newsflash, if a man will cheat on his current love to be with you….what makes you think you are are friggin’ special that he won’t do it to you?

I would never tell my friend to cheat on their mate. Now if I do not like him/her, I will suggest that they leave the scum alone. But to condone or suggest infidelity is horrible. If my fiancee hooks up with a stripper at his bachelor party, it’s a wrap. He risked not only my life by hooking up with some skank, but he totally disrepected me! If he cheats, he does NOT love me. So why marry me? I always say men should think of how they would feel if the table were turned. How would they feel? But of course the self b@stards only thinki of themselves. Please get your skank-a-licious romps out of the way before getting with me. And also get a good STD blood work up as well. Like mosquitos, they spread disease! I am not saying women don’t cheat either. So the same thought process should go both ways!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 22nd, 2011
10:30 am

I love NYC.
LOL…..They can bring it.

Dynamic

July 22nd, 2011
10:38 am

Although I believe that infidelity is wrong I disagree with the comments about the influences on grown ass folks and the birds of a feather comments. I have a few gay friends, a few whorish friends, and a few faithful friends. I am an adult and no matter what my friends are doing it does not dictate my actions! I love my friends b/c we have common interests and enjoy each other’s company, not because who they choose to sleep with.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 22nd, 2011
10:39 am

Leggs:
Did anything last night happen that was strange?

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
10:41 am

SlimNu

July 22nd, 2011
10:42 am

Dynamic – co-sign ;-) I’ve always danced to the beat of my own drum no matter who was playing the flute or the cymbols or the trombone lol

Dave

July 22nd, 2011
10:51 am

co-sign with slim. If you are going to judge me on my friends, you have a wide array of behavioral choices. Jocks, Preppies, millionaires and broke as church mice people. Yep, I’ve even got some friends, men and women, that would hop in bed with anything that registered a pulse (married or not) and some that think that sex is the most overrated thing on this earth. Take your pick…..

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
10:51 am

Dynamic/Slim – I’m talking about WEAK people. Those that easily bend to peer pressure. More “like” folks tend to flock together than “unlike”. Plus sometimes, you can also be a victim of guilt by association. I’ve always had a mind of my own too. While I have a FEW friends/associates that are “different”, the majority of my friends have similiar interests and lifestyles.

Blackfoote- No, a business major, but my mother taught English! :)

Sassy Black..Who gone check me BOO? ;-)

July 22nd, 2011
10:52 am

Do you think too many of us encourage, support, and condone infidelity?

I’ve witnessed others tryna get one of their partners/friends to cheat(both men and women) but I woulnd’t do it b/c I wouldn’t want it done to me. Karma is a b!#$h and as far as the cheating, if they do it with you, they’ll do it to you.

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
10:57 am

Leggs – Your 10:24, read my first post about being married “in your head” before you sign the papers. There’s no way my fiance’ could excuse cheating on me with “well, we weren’t married yet”. We’re in a committed relationship!!!

You are right, he didn’t cheat on his WIFE because she wasn’t his wife yet. But some folks seem to have the mentality that until they say the vows, they are not cheating. I would hate to be involved with someone that thought that way.

Button

July 22nd, 2011
10:59 am

I don’t condone cheating, I’ve cheated in the past but I was young and selfish. Fast forward, I know how to handle my emotions and not let another action dictate my actions.

I don’t and probably will never understand why some men allow their boy(s) to have “relations” in their bed/room.

Lovely Brown

July 22nd, 2011
11:00 am

@ Dynamic- I agree with your 10:38, well stated!

I have a sister who is skankalicious and makes no apologies for it :lol: We go out for dranks, not drinks ;-) often. Sometime her friends who are just as skanky, but loveable come too. They know I don’t get down with their mess.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2011
11:02 am

Ok, kimmie. I’m understanding!

kimmie

July 22nd, 2011
11:03 am

Leggs – I was agreeing with you about joe average getting with a stripper as well.

UGA 1999

July 22nd, 2011
11:12 am

Yes they do! In most cases it is friends cheating with friends…..