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Is their home life a mystery?

One of our readers would like some advice about a new romance she is in. They have been on at least 4 dates and they met Memorial Day weekend. She has had him over to her place and he even met some of her friends. However, he has been a little less inclined to share his home life with her.

She has not seen where he lives, nor does he talk about his personal life that much. Obviously, it makes her uneasy because she is starting to think he is concealing something or someone. Do you think it is a red flag if you don’t get invited over to someone’s place?

It is possible that he is a private person. How quickly do you let people in – so to speak?

When do you introduce the person you are dating to friends and family? Do you wait until you are in an exclusive relationship?

What would you do if the person you are interested in is too mysterious for you? Do you snoop and do your own digging or cut your losses at the “shady” behavior?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

429 comments Add your comment

Leggs

July 21st, 2011
11:29 am

“Celisea: What liberties did he take? The kitchen and the bathroom are open areas to a guess?”

Ummmm, not really. The first time in my home you are not at liberty to open my cabinets, my fridge w/o asking me! This is not a common area. It’s my home and you are to ask before you touch. Now, if you ask where the bathroom is and go to snooping that’s on you, because that’s what I expect you to do.

Sassy Black..Good is good..GREAT is better ;-)

July 21st, 2011
11:29 am

not going there with you. I asked a simple ? and you’re taking to another level.

As I stated..I’ve already given my reasons as to why she should’ve been gone. That’s back on page one…which is why I said reading is fundamental. Had you read my posts(any of them really) you would’ve gotten the answer to your ?. For real B. :lol:

Celisea

July 21st, 2011
11:30 am

Ummmm, not really. The first time in my home you are not at liberty to open my cabinets, my fridge w/o asking me! This is not a common area. It’s my home and you are to ask before you touch. Now, if you ask where the bathroom is and go to snooping that’s on you, because that’s what I expect you to do.

Let me just repeat this in bold :mrgreen:

Leggs

July 21st, 2011
11:31 am

“Every decision we make is based upon what we perceive to be in our own best self interest (but that’s a whole topic in and of itself).”

So not true! That’s all I have to say! You are hanging with shallow women!

Celisea

July 21st, 2011
11:31 am

And the first time in my house you ain’t made it to “my man” status yet. Sit your azz on the couch please.

kimmie

July 21st, 2011
11:33 am

Celisea – Yeah, I thought rude too. I knew you were not knocking me. Believe, if he hadn’t had other redeeming qualities about him that I liked and was not so cute(lol), he’d have been out with the quickness!

Plus, I actually had heard horror stories and statements made like 4 Real said those women said, that I knew nasty women were out there. And you see these women and they are neat and fashionable and well put together, but nasty as all get out. And that mess about their daughters not needing to know how to keep a clean home or cook – heard that mess before too. Those women are in for a rude awakening. They don’t make mama’s like we had much anymore. And my mama was not only on me, but my brothers as well. She used to tell them they may not be as fortunate to meet a woman that would keep a home like she did.

Purple Rain

July 21st, 2011
11:33 am

I said it Celisea.

For Real

July 21st, 2011
11:33 am

Celisea: I do not have a problem with a lady inspecting my house if I invited her over. The line in the sand is going thru my ish (ie opening draws, hacking my computer or stealing my porn)

SexyCool

July 21st, 2011
11:34 am

Actually, if a woman has kids, you can really tell what her true cleanliness/appearance standards are by how her kids look.

I HATE to see a woman dressed to the nines and her kids look like slave babies – hair not combed/cut, clothes dirty dingy, ill-fitting……gggrrr….

Sassy Black..Good is good..GREAT is better ;-)

July 21st, 2011
11:35 am

And the first time in my house you ain’t made it to “my man” status yet. Sit your azz on the couch please

Tell it Celisea! I also agree with Leggs in that you just don’t go through MY things at MY house without having enough respect to ASK. Plain and simple.

Celisea

July 21st, 2011
11:36 am

Celisea: I do not have a problem with a lady inspecting my house if I invited her over. The line in the sand is going thru my ish (ie opening draws, hacking my computer or stealing my porn)

Well you know the saying, give and inch and we’ll take a mile. If she can uninvitedly inspect, going through you stuff is next…lol

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 21st, 2011
11:36 am

Sassy:
LOL……I saw that coming, do you need something to cool you off?

Leggs

July 21st, 2011
11:37 am

And the first time in my house you ain’t made it to “my man” status yet. Sit your azz on the couch please. RIGHT ON! RIGHT ON! :lol: :lol: :lol:

kimmie

July 21st, 2011
11:37 am

Tell it Celisea! I also agree with Leggs in that you just don’t go through MY things at MY house without having enough respect to ASK. Plain and simple.

I agree. Didn’t put it to practice that one time with that dude, but I totally agree. That’s how I was raised, anyway.

Celisea

July 21st, 2011
11:38 am

For Real

July 21st, 2011
11:39 am

Celisea: “And if my house is not clean you’ll know that by how I carry myself way ahead of any home inspection.” – That’s not true. These women will look the part in the street but when you get to their house it smell like dog pee cause they too lazy to walk their rat ass dog. But to each his own. You invite me Imma look for my own safety and if you don’t like I’ll just leave your nasty ass house. lol

Kimmie: Exactly my point to Celisea and Leggs. Also, Kimmie did ole boy ask first? If not, then yes that was rude.

Celisea

July 21st, 2011
11:39 am

Sassy/Kimmie – May as well start ‘em off right…lol

Purple Rain

July 21st, 2011
11:39 am

From the time I bought you that drink, I am your man. Now give me a key to your house.

Exiled!

July 21st, 2011
11:39 am

Celisea..I agree with whoever said…..if your house is (not) clean you hygiene is questionable…

look at u girl, spinning like u don’t know Purp said that…

U just Promoting your 2038 marriage odds on the sly! :lol:

Fion

July 21st, 2011
11:40 am

Dayum !!!! this bolg is full of Tell, Tell Signs of things to pay attention to this morning in the quote “Dating Game”. I hope the Neophytes are paying attention this morning.
Pop Quiz to follow Class.

Celisea

July 21st, 2011
11:41 am

You invite me Imma look for my own safety and if you don’t like I’ll just leave your nasty ass house. lol

LOLOLOL

Yeah, for me it’s a matter of respect. No matter what my “observation” is at your house, out of respect, I would not take liberties with yours.

Purple Rain

July 21st, 2011
11:41 am

Dirty house with a dirty rat dog. LOL

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 21st, 2011
11:41 am

Y’all funny, sit your azz on the couch. Really that’s disrespectful if you don’t, unless you need a light bulb changed you couldn’t reach.

Leggs

July 21st, 2011
11:42 am

You guys are keeping me laughing this morning. Thanks, the black cloud is lifting.

@SC ~ I like to believe I’m a nice dresser, but you best believe, my child dresses just as well (and not too many name brands)….we look good whether it’s from Ross, Marshalls or Saks!

For Real

July 21st, 2011
11:42 am

ScooL: That is a pevee of mines. I hate to see that men or women. Scumbags!!! If you are not going to put your kids first why did you have them?

Also, what’s up with chicks and these little rat dogs sleeping in their beds?

Button

July 21st, 2011
11:42 am

@ Sassy the snide remark clearly was not needed, my bad for not going back to page one and reading your post.

Button

July 21st, 2011
11:44 am

@ Blackfoote I got my eye on you @ egging the girl on.

SexyCool

July 21st, 2011
11:44 am

“and was not so cute(lol),”

Good looks will allow a person to get away with a heck of a lot more than a mud duck.

Celisea

July 21st, 2011
11:44 am

Exiled – look at u girl, spinning like u don’t know Purp said that…U just Promoting your 2038 marriage odds on the sly!

You silly. I hopped off for a minute this morning so when I came back in, I was skimming through.

For Real

July 21st, 2011
11:46 am

ScooL: A fine ass mud duck can get away with some ish too. That’s why God created darkness.

Leggs

July 21st, 2011
11:46 am

Perhaps it’s just me, but I’m not sleeping with an animal. I believe anything with teeth can turn on you on any given Sunday. I’m not going to wake up to find my cat or dog chewing on my nose, finger, nuffin….

Him

July 21st, 2011
11:47 am

Leggs — That’s not an indictment of anyone; it’s just human nature. Everything decision we make is made to satisfy OUR needs, not those of anyone elses. Many or even most are made to satisfy the need to keep our conscience clean so that we can live peacefully with ourselves. And that’s a very worthy goal. Otherwise, we cannot live a long, happy, healthy life. For example, those involving the care of our children. Let’s face it — a lot of parental duties are very unpleasant, but we could not live with ourselves if we chose to neglect our children rather than properly care for them. I could cite many many more examples. But if you really stop to think about it (and it’s not always very clear at first), at the bottom of every decision you make is some benefit to you. Some decisions we make are simply the best of several bad options, but that in itself is a benefit. I didn’t want to go down this path, but you might take some time to consider this. It may come in handy by helping you understand your own decision-making.

Leggs

July 21st, 2011
11:48 am

Goodness, we have “rat ass dog,” and now “mud duck”.
:lol:

Button

July 21st, 2011
11:48 am

@ For Real what’s up with these dudes walking those lil rat dogs around the neighborhood?

I love those lil toy dog, they are so cute.

Celisea

July 21st, 2011
11:50 am

Blackfoote – Not saying a dude can’t walk around but if you’re invited, please know I will handle my business. You ain’t gotta inspect. I can’t keep you from “observation” because know Imma do the same but just up and opening cabinets and drawers and the refrigerator and you’re a guest? Nope, not cool.

SexyC – I agree about kids looking like rag dolls and you’re dressed to the nines. That ain’t right. My kid is making her own money and I want so bad for her to like “classic” styles like I do but hey she’s a teenager and I can’t do that to her. I’m try to hold my peace (as long as it aint’ nekkid and hoodratish) but some of the crap she picks out looks cheesy. When she was smaller though she was top notch. She didn’t have any say so…lol Hair ribbons, bows, laced top socks, patent leather dress shoes, t-straps school shoes. I NEVER bought sneakers…lol Her dad but not me. She HATES that kind of stuff now…lol

Leggs

July 21st, 2011
11:51 am

@Him ~ I don’t know who you are and I’m pretty sure you don’t know me. I thoroughly understand the decisions I make. The good ones, as well as the bad ones. Thanks, but I’m introspective all day, everyday. Trust!

And, it may be handy for you to believe that everything is not done to self-serve!

Sassy Black..Good is good..GREAT is better ;-)

July 21st, 2011
11:52 am

do you need something to cool you off?

No, thank you Blackfoote. I’m fine..no feathers ruffled over here…it’s all peaches n cream.

May as well start ‘em off right…

Exactly Celisea…

Kimmie gurl you’ve gotta let ‘em know it’s just like Martin said,“Respect MY house! :lol:

For Real

July 21st, 2011
11:53 am

“For Real what’s up with these dudes walking those lil rat dogs around the neighborhood?” – They fuggin some nasty ass chick with a rat ass dog.

kimmie

July 21st, 2011
11:53 am

Also, what’s up with chicks and these little rat dogs sleeping in their beds?

4 Real – :lol:

And yeah, he asked at the same time he was opening the fridge though. He was rude. So yes, he did get the same treatment back at his place.

Purple Rain

July 21st, 2011
11:54 am

A animal in your bed is just nasty.

Celisea

July 21st, 2011
11:54 am

And animals in the bed…no way Jose. Back in the day dogs slept under the car port/garage with a nice dog basket and cushion…winter spring summer fall. He was flea dipped occasionally and might have had the luxury of a dog collar and ate real chicken bones. Oh, and maybe the luxury of a fence…lol That’s it though. He got his behind tapped with a thin switch if he broached coming in the house…lol

SexyCool

July 21st, 2011
11:56 am

Yeah..but we know there is a big difference between a teenager’s style statement and a snotty nosed six year old little boy with hair knotted up and bead-dee-beaded up so tight Jesus couldn’t comb it and dirty, run over tennis shoes or a little girl with a too big dingy white shirt hanging off of her, some too short leggings and hair sticking up all over her head. And then they momma looking like an Dots ad with hair ghetto freezed into place, a different design on every fingernail and acrylics on her pedicure.

Disclaimer – I do shop at Dots – I get a lot of t-shirts from there.

kimmie

July 21st, 2011
11:56 am

Sassy – Martin is my MAN!!! :lol:

Purple Rain

July 21st, 2011
11:57 am

freezed into place. LOL

kimmie

July 21st, 2011
11:58 am

SCool – mail

Leggs

July 21st, 2011
11:58 am

I am wearing a white pantsuit. Someone just pointed out to me that I have a big red stain on my right butt cheek. I have to walk around like this all day. Jacket isn’t long enuf to cover. It looks more like a magic marker stain than what you may be thinking. Doesn’t matter, a stain is a stain!

Celisea

July 21st, 2011
11:59 am

Leggs – If it ain’t too tacky, dabs a bit of dish detergent on the stain. It’s mild and does wonders (when presoaked) for removing stains.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 21st, 2011
12:01 pm

Button
I don’t know what’s going on and I hope it don’t escalate. I don’t want to see that, and that’s real.

Sassy Black..Good is good..GREAT is better ;-)

July 21st, 2011
12:02 pm

Aww dangit Leggs!! Don’t you just despise it when that happens! I love wearing white but sometimes I swear it’s a stain magnet.

Exiled!

July 21st, 2011
12:04 pm

Didn’t SlimNu say she got a lil pooch that she let’s lick the CT eve now and then? :lol:

Or there are women who do that?

which is it? :lol:

Kimmie,u know anything bout that? :lol: