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Dating news: Men like getting asked out!?

Earlier this week, we talked about whether or not women should date more like men. Ladies, if you ever wonder what men go through on the dating scene, try approaching a perfect stranger.

In my experience, approaching a man can be exciting, terrifying, and empowering (assuming he doesn’t find you repulsive or crazy) – all at once. I don’t do it often enough, but I really should!

The men I know are genuinely surprised and happy to have a woman approach them – compliment them. Oh, asking when you can see him again? Apparently, it’s one of those ego stroking things that some men really enjoy. A lot. Not unlike how women feel when we get asked out!

Do you think living in the south, women are less inclined to approach a man? Friends in other cities say that women don’t have much apprehension about it like us “girls raised in the south” and maybe this is an obstacle in dating.

When a woman approaches a man, does it really seem desperate? Does it depend on how she delivers her “opening line” or how she carries herself?

Guys, when was the last time a woman approached you? What was your first impression? Do you generally like getting approached by women?

Do you think it is better when a woman breaks the ice and then you take it from there?

Ladies, what is your biggest beef with approaching a man? What message do you think it sends to the guy?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

288 comments Add your comment

Celisea

July 20th, 2011
9:40 am

MzNewy – IMHO, they become different when you each stop seeing other people. It may not be a conversation perse, but there is a change in the interaction.

I agree. That’s why I said depending upon the person’s intent. It’s all seamless for someone that truly intends on making it happen. It’s not hard to scale back when you’re wanting more and to pursue more with someone.

CoolShadow

July 20th, 2011
9:52 am

When a woman approaches a man, does it really seem desperate? Does it depend on how she delivers her “opening line” or how she carries herself?

I don’t think it’s desperate for a woman to approach, in some ways it’s courageous. It means she is stepping out of comfort zone and being proactive. Women don’t need a line, just walk up and start talking; most men’s interest will be captured by the mere act of her approach.

Guys, when was the last time a woman approached you? What was your first impression? Do you generally like getting approached by women?

It happened last fall; I was flattered and admired her courage but wasn’t impressed by her. That lack of feeling was confirmed when she stated that because she approached, her work was done. Huh?

UGA 1999

July 20th, 2011
9:54 am

SURE THEY DO!

Dave

July 20th, 2011
9:55 am

I think women, in general, are stepping up more in all avenues. Course, they don’t want men to treat them EXACTLY like we treat other men because we are pretty ruthless with each other, kid each other about fails and shortcomings mercilessly and pretty much any weakness is hammered….but it’s all in good fun and we know that. Those that get offended are chastised even more.

But women are really changing. Used to be a woman that had a lot of notches in her bedpost was considered a “slut”, but from what I hear, now she is considered “experienced”, “liberated” and “sensual”. They even are pretty much open about “no we don’t really date, we just have sex because he is goooood.”. The old FWB. I like the openness and frankness, simply because I hated the old adage of “rules to go by”. Today, rules are met with a slight eye roll and almost viewed as a challenge to break them. So I appreciate the occassional “How about we go get some supper this weekend” from a woman or even “Let’s hang out Saturday night.” Times are achanging and IMO, it’s for the better. Makes me tingle….LMAO

Leggs

July 20th, 2011
10:04 am

Excuse me, I was rushing and didn’t really read the topic. It has nothing to do with asking a man out for a date. So, on point, nothing wrong with approaching a man. I use to be shy but I’ve outgrown it. I will approach a man in a heartbeat. I will give a compliment as easy as it is for me to breathe. I have even offered to pay for a man’s lunch who may be sitting at another table. Hell, it’s not all on the man to approach us. Reciprocation of the species should be the order of the day!

J Henry

July 20th, 2011
10:06 am

Here Here Leggs..

Leggs

July 20th, 2011
10:07 am

Hello Blackfoote! How’s it going?

@Rickster ~ congrats to you on your 25th anniversary. That’s is way cool.

kimmie

July 20th, 2011
10:10 am

Morning All!

Nothing really to add to the topic that I haven’t already said a thousand times about this topic. Like Celisea said, do what works for you. There will always be someone who likes your way, whether you do the approaching or prefer the man to make the initial move. One is neither right nor wrong or outdated. It’s all about what you and the other are comfortable with.

In my case, I made myself approachable and my husband made the first move. He pursued me initially and then we began to pursue each other. The rest is history.

Whether I approached or not had nothing to do with my strength or liberation as a woman.

I would rather guys say that they prefer to make the first move and pursue the lady, rather than label those that approach them desperate. To me that comes off as the guy thinking a bit too highly of himself, like he’s just all that. Oh really? :shock:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 20th, 2011
10:12 am

Doing good Leggs, laying low under the stairwell.

Leggs

July 20th, 2011
10:12 am

Case in point – I was standing in line at the airport, and the gentleman in front of me had on a really nice blazer. I told him I thought his blazer was sharp. The look on his face was precious. He was most appreciative of the compliment. Told me it was his favorite blazer and no one has ever complimented him when wearing it. I smiled and told him glad I was the first and I bet he’ll be getting more going forward.

Leggs

July 20th, 2011
10:13 am

:lol: :lol: You still under that stairwell. Hope you’ve gone home and at least changed your drawers. :lol:

CoolShadow

July 20th, 2011
10:16 am

@Leggs- props to you! If you asked me out, I’d still pay. Although the unwritten rule is whoevever asks first pays, reasonable men will still pick up the tab.

Celisea

July 20th, 2011
10:17 am

Wonder where something “unwritten” is kept or stored or documented? Hmmmm

MzNewy

July 20th, 2011
10:19 am

@ Leggs…Like you, I do compliment men, but I don’t approach them for the first date (as the topic is indicating)

Purple Rain

July 20th, 2011
10:19 am

I like to approach the woman, she may give off signs that she wants me to approach. Even if she does not give off signs that she wants me to approach I will approach anyway if I feel like meeting her. If a woman approached me it would be fun for the moment or whatever. But I am the man I find women they don’t find me. If she notices me before I notice her she probably was just not noticable to me.

Leggs

July 20th, 2011
10:21 am

Thank you CoolShadow. You may or may not know, but I am an advocate of “paying it forward” and being kind to people. Sure, I can be a beyotch if provoked, but who couldn’t! Be nice folk and make others around you smile! It’s so so easy to do.

For the ladies – before the day is out how about giving 3 men (strangers) a compliment today.

OSHH

July 20th, 2011
10:21 am

you know what I don’t care if it was the year 7001, some things should never change. It’s like men don’t want to be MEN anymore. Reagrdless of what anyone says men and women are different, maybe equal on some human being accords but are still yin and yang.

kimmie

July 20th, 2011
10:21 am

Leggs – I really do love giving compliments! And that’s to men, women, children, young and old. It makes people feel good. I give credit where credit is due!

I don’t put giving a man a compliment in the same category as asking a man out. Are there women who really have a problem doing that? Does that take “courage” or make them look “desperate”, just to give a man a compliment? I guess I don’t see it that way because when I’ve given compliments they are not used as an “opening line”. They are genuine and I have no motive, only to comment on what I’m seeing in a positive way. Not to flirt.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 20th, 2011
10:24 am

LOL…..@Leggs
Ouch you smacked me across my nose. That’s one way to tame a wolf.

Leggs

July 20th, 2011
10:24 am

@MsNewzy ~ ok, my reading comprehension is a bit off today. Gotcha!

Leggs

July 20th, 2011
10:27 am

EXACTLY, kimmmie! It makes people feel good. It’s that simple.

@Blackfoote ~ stop acting like you some big bad wolf with sharp fangs. You’re a little stuffed teddy bear that wouldn’t harm a fly!

Celisea

July 20th, 2011
10:27 am

LOL @ OSHH….I’m there with you girlie.

Celisea

July 20th, 2011
10:30 am

Morning PR – I agree with your 10:19

Celisea

July 20th, 2011
10:32 am

How’s the gas station gal thingy going? Have you found another location?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 20th, 2011
10:33 am

True I can be a teddy bear, but I’m not a little one…LOL

CoolShadow

July 20th, 2011
10:34 am

@Celisea/kimmie- what do you do or have done to make yourselves approachable? It seems as if all women think their hints to approach are universally understood, but they’re not. I’ve been in the presence of women that indicated no interest in me but found out later that they were. And there have been other situations where smiles and words were mouthed indicating interest but when I approached them they shut down.

Purple Rain

July 20th, 2011
10:40 am

Good morning Celisea, I have not seen her since last week. I am going to the same station, not going to run and have to spend more money just for that reason. I can control myself. Wait I did see her once she was on the other side of the store, she waved..I tipped my hat and that was it.

SexyCool

July 20th, 2011
10:42 am

Some people do not have to consciously do anything to make themselves approachable. We just are.

That’s all I got! (lol)

kimmie

July 20th, 2011
10:52 am

Cool – I don’t know what to tell you. I think it is just trial and error and part of the game really. For example, with me, I have a tendency to look serious if I’m not actively smiling. I’ll be out, minding my own business thinking about what I’m doing at the time. People would tell me, “I saw you at Publix but you were looking so mean I didn’t bother you”. So when I was out, especially at social events, I would make an effort to look pleasant. But then, some men would see me smiling and think I was flirting or being coy, when I was just being nice.

Same with men. I would misread their signals. Some would be looking at me very intense, with no hint of a smile. Later I would find out these men “liked” me.

My husband has what I would call a “pleasant” face, which is what I love on a man. I’m not turned on by the hard, intense types.

So I would say, even with women, go for those that seem to have a warm, inviting spirit about them. You’ll probably find that they are not trying too hard and are the most real. Even if you misread them and find they are just nice to everyone, they probably won’t shoot you down and make you feel bad about approaching them.

Lovely'Much Better Now' Brown

July 20th, 2011
10:56 am

Good Morning All! :-)

Before I got married, if I saw a guy and wanted to get to know him better I had absolutely no prob asking him out. I’m very confident( always have been) and I don’t think it makes a woman look desperate or thirsty, as my teenagers would say :lol: The men seemed to find it very alluring and appreciated the attention….whether it turned into a ‘love connection’ or not.

Celisea

July 20th, 2011
11:02 am

CoolShadow – I don’t really “do” anything per se. I might become more intentional with my interaction. Sort of like being natural, to the second power. An unexpected APPROPRIATE touch, not looking away if you catch me looking, a super super smile…all naturally fueled though.

I dated this one guy where we tap danced soooo long around getting things off the ground. He was “supercool” and assertive in being such a good friend but always braked to go further. Now I understood there was an attraction driving him to always want to hang out and do things but danggit he needed to make a move. When we’d go out…as friends of course, he’d always make sure I was on the inside of the sidewalk or open the car door or held my hand and many other signs but he always seemed hesitate to make a move. He kept referencing me being such a good good friend and just so I helped him out. Only because I WAS CERTAIN he was feeling me I told him, you know I’m digging you right. Of course he went through a number of terms…whaaaat, bewildered…so forth and so on. I had to say boy stop acting you’ve been digging me a long time to break the rest of the ice..lol That’s the gray area I think we’re missing in these conversations.

When I say I don’t approach, that’s not inidicative that I don’t know how to be accomodating. I will say though had he not indicated first more than I would never gotten comfortable enough to go there.

Willie Dynamite

July 20th, 2011
11:05 am

Morning All,

Fellas just for the hell of it the next time a Woman approaches you just give her the side-eye and then igg her. j/k j/k

Women seem to have a definitive answer about this subject. One of the few times when it is no Grey area. Seems to be that way from the posts. At any rate I fall on the side of DO YOU. I also say its not a indication of anything; liberated, loose, traditional or what not. I think its just your personality.

Celisea

July 20th, 2011
11:05 am

CoolShadow – I agree with Kimmie, there’s a warm inviting about a woman attracted or have her interest peaked.

Good for you PR :)

Ron O'Neal - a.k.a. Super Fly

July 20th, 2011
11:10 am

I love it when a woman approaches me, it demonstrates confidence and shows her swag …

But like Celisea said earlier, it’s up to each person, there is no wrong or right, it’s what you are comfortable with ..btw – stop writing novels … Mrs. C.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 20th, 2011
11:14 am

“make sure I was on the inside of the sidewalk or open the car door or held my hand and many other signs”

Celisea I’ve done that dance before, I did the approaching took her out several times. After it came a time where I knew I was treading water, and when the pursuit ended is when she jumped in wanting to be submissive. Exhausted from doing all the pursuing I had to let go I had nothing left. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when to hold ‘em or fold ‘em.

Rickster

July 20th, 2011
11:17 am

@Leggs

Thank You Leggs…She is the Love Of My Life :)

Celisea

July 20th, 2011
11:18 am

Gee thanks Ron ONeal, I’m going to be hearing Curtis Mayfield’s song Superfly all day…lol

Am I the “C” getting a warning on the long post? Sorry :(

Blackfoote – Sorry to hear that. Naw, I wasn’t about to miss out on a good thing :) That’s the kryptonite dude…btw

SexyCool

July 20th, 2011
11:21 am

“Used to be a woman that had a lot of notches in her bedpost was considered a “slut”, but from what I hear, now she is considered “experienced”, “liberated” and “sensual”.”

Depends on who you’re talking to.

CoolShadow

July 20th, 2011
11:21 am

Celisea/Kimmie – fair enough, when I get mixed/contradictory signal on approaching, I just assume that I misread her signals. Now you’ve got me wondering if maybe the signaler doesn’t know how to throw them to be interpreted properly.

Purple Rain

July 20th, 2011
11:22 am

Blackfoote, sometimes they wait to long to let that guard down.

Purple Rain

July 20th, 2011
11:23 am

If I go out with a woman she should know that I have an interest in her. I don’t just hang out with women for the sake of hanging out.

Purple Rain

July 20th, 2011
11:24 am

Purp does not do “girl’s day”!

SexyCool

July 20th, 2011
11:26 am

VSB is talking about Steve.Harvey today.

http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

July 20th, 2011
11:26 am

Did somebody say fangs? :lol:

Celisea

July 20th, 2011
11:28 am

PR – What’s “girl’s day?”

Purple Rain

July 20th, 2011
11:31 am

Hey BMW :)

Celisea, I don’t know. It’s whatever the women do when they all go out together. I just hear it called “girls day” it’s usual average cost around 3 to 400 dollars. lol

kimmie

July 20th, 2011
11:31 am

Now you’ve got me wondering if maybe the signaler doesn’t know how to throw them to be interpreted properly.

Cool – Very well could be.

Blackfoote/Celisea – There is nothing more frustrating than trying to decipher where a guy is coming from – all the normally obvious signals are there, but you just aren’t sure…….!! There have been a few that just waited to dang long to let me know! It’s cool to take your time, but it’s a fine line!!!

Lovely'Much Better Now' Brown

July 20th, 2011
11:31 am

SexyCool

July 20th, 2011
11:21 am
“Used to be a woman that had a lot of notches in her bedpost was considered a “slut”, but from what I hear, now she is considered “experienced”, “liberated” and “sensual”.”

Depends on who you’re talking to

tha truth!

BlackMagicWoman...in NYC

July 20th, 2011
11:32 am

LEGGS…if a guy smells good, I will let him know he smells good. Or like you if he is wearing something that is noice or gives him a bit of umph, I will compliment him. Sometimes I am not interrested in him. But I think a person should know when they have something giving them that extra spark. A compliment (not “dayum girl your body is all dat”…that is insulting) could make somebody’s day.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 20th, 2011
11:34 am

Purple:
Exactly, like Leggs said I’m not the big bad wolf or anything……LOL
I really tried to be a teddy bear, but of course my niceness was mistaking for weakness.