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Best breakup advice?

When a dating relationship ends, it can sometimes be hard to move on. It helps to be resilient and find ways to get over a break up, but it doesn’t come easy for everyone!

I often marvel at how fast guys seem to move on. One of my friends books a Vegas trip when he breaks up with a long-term girlfriend. He says it’s the best thing to keep his mind off of her and his fingers off the cell phone.

What do you do after a break up? What is the best plan of action when you want to get your ex out of your mind, and even your
heart?

How long does it take for you to get over someone you really cared about?

I have heard all kinds of crazy advice about how to handle a break up. From cutting your hair, to boxing up all the relationship memories and burning it. Oh, and my personal favorite: spend many hours in a strip club.

What is your best break up advice? How do you know when you are over your ex and ready for the next?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

252 comments Add your comment

mark

July 15th, 2011
8:29 am

mark

July 15th, 2011
8:30 am

i usually cry for awhile then i go out and flirt with as many women as i can! the more ladies i meet the better my chances are of meeting the new one.

Sweet Pea

July 15th, 2011
8:35 am

Good Morning/TGIF! There is no actual time frame when it comes to healing after a break up. However, I have found that keeping myself occupied by surrounding myself with family and friends who I can express my thoughts with, keeping busy, and just having that time to cry helps me!

Time heals all wounds.

SlimNu

July 15th, 2011
8:50 am

Good dreary Friday to all, (fingers crossed that the work day goes by fast)

I don’t have a set ritual of things to help me get over a break up. I probably cry a lot, write poems or journal a little bit, listen to those songs that emit so much emotion that gives you an avenue to let it out, try to stay busy, read, go out with friends, sleep a lot, drink and eventually go out with someone else that has a great sense of humor to get you back laughing again.

SlimNu

July 15th, 2011
8:58 am

Damn, guess I didn’t win the Decades of Dollars last night….WACK!!!

Sweet Pea

July 15th, 2011
9:02 am

Yes Slim…I forgot about writing poems and listening to music…that’s certainly a way to heal and release those emotions that make you feel so blue :(

Although, I am not the type to jump out there all willy nilly to put the blues behind…. I’ve heard the saying that the only way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I wonder if anyone has been successful in doing this without it being a rebound situation and hurting someone else.

By the way…Glad you’re feeling much better :)

Dave

July 15th, 2011
9:02 am

Well, you break up and move on. Usually, when you get off one horse, the best remedy is to find another horse as soon as possible. You can mourn, if you want, but don’t just curl up in a fetal ball and suck your thumb. Put on your big boy/girl pants!

SlimNu

July 15th, 2011
9:07 am

Sweet Pea – Yes ma’am i feel 100 times better…but now the fact that a co-worker called in sick today stating the same symptoms I had earlier in the week, makes me wonder if it was food poisoning at all versus a stomach bug. BUT it is Friday and she may just be playing hookie lol

Now regarding the solution to get under someone else as just a rebound situation, I don’t really see why that would be such a bad idea. I mean, if you’re just getting out of a serious but failed relationship, one could use a little fun without trying to make the next thing another seriously failed situation. One would just need to make sure not to mislead the rebound person into thinking it’s anything more than a temporary ego boost. However, stranger things have happened. ;-)

LL411

July 15th, 2011
9:07 am

I be still… cry, reflect, spend time with me, going and doing things I may have put on the back burner a little more while in the relationship.

In my early years, I moved too fast… which I realized as I got older, I missed some really great things, opportunities, people and just plain old fun.

So this time around, I’m going to be still awhile. I don’t want anything and I’m not bothering anyone :)

Simple Man....

July 15th, 2011
9:10 am

Morning Folks!!! Simple Man on the Grill this Morning :) My dad always told me and my brothers that the best way to get over a gilr is to get on top of another…Now I know that kind of advise won’t play well with some of my blogmates, but like Dave said, find away to get back in the game, You will never find your soulmate crying on the sideline…..

Into the Light

July 15th, 2011
9:14 am

Morning all, and happy Friday!

In addition to the things Slim mentioned, I journaled in the form of letters to him. Letters that I would never, ever send but were an avenue to vent and release.

MzNewy

July 15th, 2011
9:19 am

I journal, blog, write poems, read, spend time with family after a bad break-up. With my last long-term relationship, I had distanced myself emotionally probably 7/8 months before calling it quits so the grief process was non-existent. I think because I had already vacated the relationship. What I did realize though was I had never gotten over my ex before him (which was YEARS) Long story short…the ex that I had never gotten over was a LTR that drifted because of circumstances we then stayed friends for 10 years…and got back together after I dumped dude I just wasn’t really into…..

Now I am marrying the one I never really got over :) *sigh* Happy Friday!

Celisea

July 15th, 2011
9:21 am

What is your best break up advice? How do you know when you are over your ex and ready for the next?

Allow the pain of it all to take effect…then move on. Move on doing whatever it is you enjoy. Someone new always take the edge off and tend to help with progressing forward. Not finding someone new as in sleeping together. Finding someone new or things to occupy your time while time is doing what it does….taking the pain away. Yes, time heals all wounds but if you watch the clock it will only seem next to never before you move on. A watched pot never boils.

Morning folks

MsMarriedUp

July 15th, 2011
9:21 am

I found it helpful to build friendships. MANY of them. Otherwise known as overlapping. Keeping a healthy mix of friends to socialize between helps a great deal. You always have an available shoulder to lean on, one who (provided you learn how to nuture solid friendships) just may know how to help you move on…quicker.

As far as getting someone I really cared for out of my mind… I don’t. I never do. Loving someone for me is not a temporary thing. Yes, I can move on, but no matter I will always love that person.

Of course too, if it was a bad relationship and bad breakup, that’s easier. I wouldn’t think once about moving on if the person was an A$$… still might love them, if I infact did love them, but moving on? If you’ve seen some of the stuff I’ve seen for those who stayed a day too long, I’d be on my knees kissing the ground and thanking all the gods and lords I got FREE!

MsMarriedUp

July 15th, 2011
9:23 am

ooh… I forgot something.

Good Morning everyone!

SlimNu

July 15th, 2011
9:26 am

MxNewy – I pretty much did the same thing in my last relationship as far as distancing myself from them way before the actual break-up occurred. We aren’t on bad terms or anything like that but I’m SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad i’m no longer a part of that relationshp & the current beau definitely adds a brighter shine to my level of happiness.

MzNewy

July 15th, 2011
9:36 am

@ Slim – I think sometimes we unwittingly sabatoge the relationship that is not good for us. I wish nothing but the best for my Ex…He’s not a bad guy just not the right guy for me.

abc

July 15th, 2011
9:54 am

Everyone has one that they never get over. They’re ‘the good one that got away’. Once in a great rare while, one gets them back. It happened to me.

Otherwise, for the most part and in my experience, I’m over them by the time the breakup happens, so there’s not much in the way of mourning, transition, etc. When it’s over, it’s over. Next!

SlimNu

July 15th, 2011
9:57 am

So far I can say I don’t have a “One that got away” ex. Anyone that i’m no longer with, I can say i’m glad that we aren’t together for various reasons.

Celisea

July 15th, 2011
10:06 am

There’s been some jokers that I was happy to show the door and there was two. Two that I had to REEEAALLY pull it together. Don’t feel like either qualified as “the one that got away” though.

SlimNu

July 15th, 2011
10:06 am

Did everybody take Friday off because it’s looking like it’s going to be another slow, rainy blog day

kimmie

July 15th, 2011
10:08 am

Morning All!! Happy that it’s Friday, as usual!!

Topic – I’ve never been a journal/poem writing person. I avoided sad songs, only listened to upbeat ones. Yes, I would get a haircut, an entirely different look for a new attitude! That always makes me feel good, a great hairdo! I avoided dude like the plague – no backsliding. No calls, nothing. Which really was not that hard to do, because more than likely the calls had dwindled down leading to the breakup. I hung out with friends & family. I don’t avoid couples – it was always nice to see good examples of what could be my future.

As for the jumping in with someone else, never worked for me. I’ve been the rebound chick before and that was pure H—! I’ve tried being the rebounder and that didn’t work either. I would just be counting the minutes until I was free of the rebound date! I just felt empty.

I’ve observed that just because a lot of men seem to jump back in the game quickly, it doesn’t mean they’ve truly moved on.

CoolShadow

July 15th, 2011
10:08 am

As the previous posters mentioned, you have to move on. Take an introspective look as to where things fell apart and what you can learn from it. Vent if you must to confidantes but a short leash on that; if you whine too much people will perceive you as a drama anchor, dragging their mood down and they’ll pause when your number hits Caller ID. Use the situation as motivation to start something like a new hobby or taking that trip you’ve been procrastinating on.

Purple Rain

July 15th, 2011
10:10 am

Slim, me neither. Never had the one that got away. I had one that had me intrigued and got away but the feelings were just based on a teenage crush.

SexyCool

July 15th, 2011
10:12 am

The older I got, the easier it became. I learned that as much as a break up could hurt, I wouldn’t die and eventually I would be just fine.

Got busy and stayed busy. After politely inviting Shthead to vacate my premises, I went to work and came straight home and had the pity party of all pity parties for seven days. After that, I went out and partied every night for a solid month. (I do believe it ended up being one of the best times of my life.)

kimmie

July 15th, 2011
10:14 am

I’ve had the one I thought might have been the one. Truth is, I never “had” him because we never went there. We were great friends, but never dated and years later I fantasized about him because he was a nice guy. But what is meant to be will be.

Mr_NYC

July 15th, 2011
10:15 am

Good morning all – Kimmie like part of your comment. Being in the game again doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve moved on.

kimmie

July 15th, 2011
10:16 am

After that, I went out and partied every night for a solid month. (I do believe it ended up being one of the best times of my life.)

SCool – Been there and yeah, I had a blast too!! :lol:

SlimNu

July 15th, 2011
10:22 am

Purp – Now I have that Slick Rick song in my head, “A Teenage Love”… :lol:

Black Coffy...no sugar...no cream ;-)

July 15th, 2011
10:22 am

Did everybody take Friday off because it’s looking like it’s going to be another slow, rainy blog day

I wish Slim Nu…cause I would’ve been up to plenty of no good if I were at home. Instead I’m here bogged down writing scientific reports…

Celisea

July 15th, 2011
10:24 am

Everybody here is off…execpt me. Somebody asked yesterday “you coming in tomorrow?” Like it’s strange or something…lol I rather prefer to be here when everyone is away :)

kimmie

July 15th, 2011
10:27 am

Although it seems a lot of people are out, I actually only have one out today. Everyone is so quiet.

SlimNu

July 15th, 2011
10:30 am

kimmie & SexyC – I did that too when I moved out from living with the ex…I just went out to get my dance and drank on, not looking to take anything home lol

Black Coffy – I know one thing, I would’ve slept at least another 2 hours this morning if I didn’t have to come to work lol

Chink

July 15th, 2011
10:31 am

After a break up I think I get some motivation to finish or start something I needed to do.

I think one thing that I have to learn is to not let a guy monoplolize all my time, sometimes thats why breaking up is hard you have been inseparable and now all of sudden your alone its a shock.

SlimNu

July 15th, 2011
10:33 am

“Everyone is so quiet’

kimmie – it’s amazing how the weather outside can affect folks moods, attitudes and energy levels…I’m a bit on the solemn side myself

kimmie

July 15th, 2011
10:33 am

The Rihanna concert at Chastain was the same night as the Sade concert. I have not heard any reviews about it, have any of you?

I know one thing, I heard she requested there be no picnic, food or drink brought in! She ain’t got it like that! That’s the reason you GO to Chastain!

LL411

July 15th, 2011
10:33 am

I dont’ do rebound either… there’s nothing more tiresome than trying to force “merry” in someones company. It’s not fair, especially if that other person really likes you. Now, on the other hand there are those who love being a rebound player… they want nothing more than what they think they can get out of you (sex) when you’re feeling sad. They “say all” the right things…

kimmie

July 15th, 2011
10:39 am

Chink – That’s a big thing I learned quite early – not letting a guy take up ALL of my time. I maintained having a LIFE. While naturally the closer you get the more time you want to spend with each other, shouldn’t completely kick your friends, family and hobbies/pasttimes to the curb. Maintain a healthy balance. Don’t make that person your entire life. Plus, it can be smothering.

Black Coffy...no sugar...no cream ;-)

July 15th, 2011
10:43 am

Slim Nu this is perfect sleeping weather…or popcorn n movie weather or….

SlimNu

July 15th, 2011
10:45 am

Coffy – I’m going to try to see Horrible Bosses this weekend at some point. I heard it was very funny and I could use a good comedy right about now.

Into the Light

July 15th, 2011
10:46 am

Black Coffy, you took the words right out of my mouth. If I were at home today, I’d still be in my PJs, curled up on the couch watching a movie or reading a book. PERFECT day for that. :)

Black Coffy...no sugar...no cream ;-)

July 15th, 2011
10:47 am

I heard she requested there be no picnic, food or drink brought in! She ain’t got it like that! That’s the reason you GO to Chastain!

:shock:

No she definitely doesn’t have it like that!….whenever I hear someone talk about Chastain the picnicing(sp) is a huge part of the ambiance. Who she think she is?

Black Coffy...no sugar...no cream ;-)

July 15th, 2011
10:49 am

Slim Nu the movie looks funny and since we all got a “horrible boss” story to tell I’m sure it’ll do well in the box offices.

ITL I would love to be home right now doing the same thing…laying around in my pjs listenting to Miles Davis reading a good book.

Willie Dynamite

July 15th, 2011
10:50 am

Morning All,

Vent 1st – Who the heyal has a 6:45am conf. call then a 8am meeting on a Friday to discuss a project they fugged up all week. I’m bout fitna choke a muhfugga If this dude says I didn’t know one more time.
ok I feel a lil better now.

On Topic – I do have the 1 that got away. I am reminded of her whenever I see a similar body type, smile etc. I however didn’t get into any funk over the break up. I wasn’t the most emotional person and until Marriage never really went all in. All that to say I never had a post breakup ritual.

Into the Light

July 15th, 2011
10:50 am

Some artists don’t like to play Chastain, bc you’ve got some folks (and right down front at a good table!) who are only there because they had free tickets, and don’t respect the artist’s performance. One artist (can’t remember who) said it was the worst venue and the rudest crowd he’d ever encountered.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 15th, 2011
10:52 am

Hurt and disappointment are life experiences, I swallow the lump and as long as I have strenght and energy I will get whole again.

Ladies and Gents ya’ll know how clowdy or rainy days can be, just imagine it.

SlimNu

July 15th, 2011
10:52 am

ITL – I’m currently trying to read Sister Souljah’s Midnight, a gansta love story. (the sequel to Midnight) but I haven’t really had time to sit still enough to read.

Into the Light

July 15th, 2011
10:53 am

BC, now all I can think of is getting home and putting on Kind of Blue. :)

Into the Light

July 15th, 2011
10:55 am

Slim, books are something I make time for – even if it’s a lunch break or potty break. :oops: That temporary trip into the neighborhood of make believe is a good respite for my soul.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 15th, 2011
10:57 am

“I would’ve been up to plenty of no good if I were at home”

Or at my house and it would be plenty of all good.