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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Who the (Bleep) did I marry?

How well do you think you know the person that you are dating? Do believe they are who they say they are?

I had a chance to preview Investigation Discovery’s show, “Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?”, which examines “the tales of deep, dark secrets” that surfaced after someone tied the knot.

The show will begin it’s second season on Wednesday, July 13 at 10:00 pm (ET) and features the story of Atlanta’s Tammi McCreary. She was once married to Eric Perteet who pretended to be a doctor – among other things.

Some of you may remember hearing or reading about it in the news in 2008.

The show is pretty fascinating and it definitely answered some of the questions I had. As I watched the show I was thinking, “This guy belongs in the Liar’s Hall of Fame!”

Dating misadventures like this really make you think twice about how to navigate the dating scene! Background checks may not even be enough anymore. Meeting acquaintances and family members could give you more insight as well.

I had an opportunity to ask Ms. McCreary a few questions. Check out what she had to say:

Q: In hindsight, do you recognize any red flags?

A: Yes; His eagerness to marry and his sudden change in career, especially considering he hadn’t received any official counseling for his past in addition to the marriage counseling.

Q: What was the most important lesson you learned about yourself?

A: I learned not to place anyone and his or her needs, wants and agenda above my own. I took the attention off of me, and allowed myself to be sucked into his emotionally draining world of lies. Also, never be in a hurry to do anything. If it’s meant to be, it will be in due season.

Q: Do you think that you can trust men again?

A: Absolutely. I don’t blame “men” or dislike “men” because of what happened to me. This was something that I allowed to happen. Therefore, the lesson was for me to change my way of doing things.

Thanks to Ms. McCreary for answering my questions!

What precautions do you think single people should take in dating? How much background information do you generally ask when you meet someone new?

Have you ever dated someone who turned out to be completely different then what they told you?

271 comments Add your comment

CAUGHT UP IN IT

July 12th, 2011
7:43 am

Since I’m one of the first in this morning I will step up to the podium. Was in meetings yesterday afternoon but finished reading the blog at home. As I stated yesterday, I’m a long time reader and have found that many of you are pretty good sounding boards so I decided to share with you what I’ve shared with no one else…still not really sure why. Maybe I just needed to hear what I already knew. Some of you were straight arrow with me and pulled no punches but did so in a positive, constructive manner. For that I’m grateful. Some of you were quite nasty but that’s ok too…good to know there are some who have never made a bad judgement call or decision. Kudos to you.
I do have a couple of responses then I will vanish and leave you to your regular blog family.
@SexyCool…Referencing the little article you posted on women seeking out and chasing married men…I neither seeked or chased. Get your facts straight before blasting.
@Randy….I’ve hopped on the bus Gus, Made a new plan Stan, Dropped off the Key Lee and set myself free……Thanks man, you awright!!!
@Leggs…to answer your question…I was awake all night but yes, I’m moving on and putting this whole mess behind me and there’s no time like the present. Thanks for the suppport.
I now relinquish the podium..I’m outta here.

LeeH1

July 12th, 2011
8:27 am

Don’t go out with strangers. If your family or friends can’t vouch for him/her, keep your options open. And if you are goingto marry someone, for heaven’s sake seek out their family and friends. No one is raised in a vacuum, and everyone is available to talk too, at least by phone.

Besides, it is always a good idea to check out the parents. Men tend to be like their Dads, and women grow up to be like their Moms. This will give you a kig clue to what the intended spouse will be like. Even if the parents are dead, there is always someone who knew them.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2011
8:36 am

Caught Up it’s good you shared yesterday, you can be the inspiration for some other lady who’s in a predicament like yours to step away and be free again. Good for you as you strive to clear your mind and emotions.

Tom

July 12th, 2011
8:39 am

A man marries a woman thinking she’ll never change.
A woman marries a man thinking he’ll immediately change.

Both are in for a big dissapointment.

Fion

July 12th, 2011
8:40 am

Sometime man we are our own worst enemy. It’s a square peg and we are Hell bent on jammin’ it into that round whole.
……..we beat and beat until we are simply exhausted.
I’ve learned over the years that when the road sign says “Bridge out Ahead” 500ft. the sign is right.

Steven Q. Stanley

July 12th, 2011
8:46 am

For most of you spinsters here the answer is “no one”.

Simple Man....

July 12th, 2011
8:48 am

This is the result of people being in such a rush to get married….Folks go into the dating scene with a pre-expected outcome and because they are looking at the finish line instead of enjoying the trip, they often miss or over look things that would take them away from their ultimate goal of “walking the asile”…

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2011
8:52 am

Pay attention these people reveal who they are with their body language. Listen to words and the manner they express them self, you’ll see you can pick out a phony anywhere. You have to think people are faking all the time.

chink

July 12th, 2011
8:55 am

You have to think people are faking all the time.

Blackfoote isnt that alittle extreme…I mean come on how in the world am I ever going to let my guard down thinking like that

Beck

July 12th, 2011
8:57 am

Excellent advice.

Listen and wait and people will show you who they are.

JASon

July 12th, 2011
9:01 am

Women put so much effort into figuring out a man’s true feelings for them, that they often miss blatant red flags right in front of them.

Society makes men out to be so naive and gullible, so easy for women to take advantage of. Perhaps this is a false sense of security for women. Maybe women should look at themselves.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2011
9:05 am

Chink that’s what you don’t want to do is let your gaurd down. Once you do you become trapped by words. That’s how they are capable of seducing you is with strategically placed wording.

Fion

July 12th, 2011
9:06 am

“Listen and wait and people will show you who they are.”

There’s an old saying in betting the Horses
“Once is a Coincidence, Two is a Trend, Three is a Pattern.”

chink

July 12th, 2011
9:12 am

Blackfoot okayyy so I never let my guard down then how I will know if I meet the right ONE??

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2011
9:17 am

Chink:
It’s criminal some of the imposters that walk with us on a daily. You have to know you first, which is am I on the real with folks then you can get a notion of who you are actually with. After you get a sense of commonality and a feeling of security go ahead and let your hair down.

John Edwards' Mistress

July 12th, 2011
9:28 am

Here is what I learned….all men lie!

Anthony Weiner soon to be X

July 12th, 2011
9:29 am

Check out their addiction to porn and sexting before saying I do.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2011
9:38 am

They’re back, it’s all good kids flock around me like this too.

Exiled!

July 12th, 2011
9:43 am

Good morning!

Caught Up!

it’s not that serious girl..he is not the lady man on earth. So just do ur bizz,drop the guy if u are over with the emotions and move on.
This is Day 2 and u still on the issue,Damn!

On topic:

Actually Caught up is typical of women who marry for wrong reasons..f-ckking too emotional.

There is no sure 100% way anybody can secure themselves from dating the ‘wrong’ person because there are a multitude of issues that a person can potentially have.

No way anybody can pay attention to everything potentially out there. U just roll with the flow and take a plunge(risk) when u feel comfortable.

Or stay single!

Exiled!

July 12th, 2011
9:44 am

He is not the last man

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2011
9:48 am

Before I depart was anyone at the Crowne Ravinia Hotel off Asford Dunwwody last night. It was a Christmas in July benefit, and it was awsome. The food, music, dancing, and prize drawings were excellent. A friend of mine is head chef, and he puts this together every first Monday of the month at various hotels in the A. I know yesterday wasn’t the first Monday this month, the first one was a holiday. Anyone interested for next month I’ll pass along.

Mike P

July 12th, 2011
9:49 am

@John Edwards’ Mistress:

Here is what I learned….all WOMEN lie!

kimmie

July 12th, 2011
9:51 am

Morning All!

No way anybody can pay attention to everything potentially out there. U just roll with the flow and take a plunge(risk) when u feel comfortable.

Or stay single!

Exiled – One of the few times I agree with you!!

The best thing you can do is take your time and get to know folk. Ask basic but essential questions, keep your eyes open for the obvious. The basic, obvious stuff is what a lot of people miss. Stuff that’s staring you in the face. Most people are very sloppy and will slip up in due time if they are up to something shady. Also, both men and women love to gossip about others – both good and bad gossip. If so & so is weird or real nice or loves dogs or whatever, believe me there is someone close by willing to talk about it. You just need to keep your eyes and ears open.

I personally can’t live my live being suspicious of everyone. I just USE the good sense God gave me and take my time about letting people into my circle. Even with that, there are no guarantees a snake might slip thru the cracks.

Leggs

July 12th, 2011
9:52 am

Good morning!

@Caught Up ~ I hope you come back. You simply shared with us a story that happens more often than not! I know it won’t be easy, but you can do this!!!! The hurt will subside, but you HAVE TO LOVE AND RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST. You have to realize that you have to put yourself first even if he won’t! There’s a single man out there for you!

On topic ~ I’m vey wary and I take my time in letting anyone get close to me. A hindrance no doubt, but I’m in no mood for the crap that so many put on the table. No other way to say it. I have no patience and no time for games and all the foolery that’s going on.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2011
9:53 am

I forgot to add, everything is FREE. Parking, beer, alcoholic drinks, and the best food you can eat. I am a picky eater but I enjoyed every bit of it.

Atlanta Native

July 12th, 2011
9:58 am

Married and later found out about baggage I was unaware of in my spouse. Went to marriage counselling, found out more, ALOT more. Spent 5 years walking on eggs with someone whose life made my childhood seem like a Norman Rockwell Painting. Knew I was making a mistake on some level, but ignored my fears as “wedding jitters”.

Now, many years later, I realize all the signs were there. Others warned me, I picked up on things, I noticed issues with other family members. The reality was, I knew the steamer trunks were there. I was pretty sure I had a good idea what was in them. However, I purposely blinded myself, as I did through my marriage.

My advice, listen to people, look for signs and pay attention to those older than you when they say “they have seen it before”. When “I’m engaged” to X does not get the reaction you expect, look around and ask why.

BTW happily married to second wife!

abc

July 12th, 2011
9:58 am

First of all, give it up with the reality TV shows. They will actually make you dumber.

To state that she will never put another’s needs and wants above her own is to say that she’ll never be in a real love relationship. I’m sure she probably really feels that way after falling for the guy’s mendacity, but really, it sounds like an extreme case to me. Not much applicable to normal life. But, that’s normal life, not reality TV. Just give that garbage up, really.

Into the Light

July 12th, 2011
10:00 am

Good morning, all!

You have to realize that you have to put yourself first even if he won’t! There’s a single man out there for you!
And even if it takes awhile for God to put him in your path, it’s better to be alone than to be miserable. People will criticize and put you down for what you are feeling, but at the end of the day, it’s your heart, your hurt, and your emotions; whether it was good or bad decisions that put you in this position doesn’t mean the hurt and pain are any less real. Be patient with yourself, Caught Up, and take it one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time….and learn to recognize that little victories lead to big victories which lead to healing. :)

Bob from Accounttemps

July 12th, 2011
10:01 am

The notion of opposites attracting may be good for the short term. For the long haul, you need to have shared values, shared beliefs, common goals and, most of all, be best friends. 23 years and counting.

Mike P

July 12th, 2011
10:03 am

@Jason:
“Society makes men out to be so naive and gullible, so easy for women to take advantage of. Perhaps this is a false sense of security for women. Maybe women should look at themselves.”

They think that they can fool us, they’re only fooling themselves!!

Into the Light

July 12th, 2011
10:04 am

@Mike P – Jaded much?

Exiled!

July 12th, 2011
10:05 am

BTW happily married to second wife!

….for Now! :lol:

I didn’t know my wife can’t handle pressure untill we were married and faced some issues. How would I have known that prior to the do?

I am now used to it but at first,trust me,I felt like just dropping this bleep coz what it does folks is transfer all the negative energy to Me.

Me on the other hand,I tackle most issues like a sleuth(serial killer), calm,analytical and collected.

But I do have my own issues she probably didn’t know about.

But we plodding along,happy some days,can’t stand each other on other days!

It’s lyfe!

Leggs

July 12th, 2011
10:05 am

Excellent post, ITL! Well said!

Into the Light

July 12th, 2011
10:07 am

@Blackfoote: Sounds fun! Will you keep me posted for August? :)

And speaking of food, what’s for breakfast, Simple? It’s your turn to cook…..

Into the Light

July 12th, 2011
10:11 am

Thanks, Leggs. :) :)

AmazonRed™

July 12th, 2011
10:12 am

Hello Lovelies, what have I missed? Let me know! I’ll be coming around more again.

Sade, in concert tonight! :)

kimmie

July 12th, 2011
10:14 am

I didn’t know my wife can’t handle pressure untill we were married and faced some issues. How would I have known that prior to the do?

Exiled – That happens quite a bit. While I advocate taking ones time to get to know each other, there are some things that just may not have an opportunity to come up before you marry. If they do, say a crisis comes up while folks are dating, really observe how they handle it. It may or may not be a dealbreaker, but at least you have an idea of what you might be getting into. Like when my husband went thru those 2 months of unemployment while we were dating. He planned ahead for such and handled things, didn’t miss a beat, and landed right back on his feet. I took note and was impressed!

kimmie

July 12th, 2011
10:15 am

Amred – Hey girl, what’s been up? You know I’m going to the concert tonight, can’t wait!!

Leggs

July 12th, 2011
10:16 am

ARed ~ what’s up? You get my email??

Leggs

July 12th, 2011
10:17 am

@Blackfoote ~ let me know when the next event takes place. Sounds like a lot of fun.

Mike P

July 12th, 2011
10:20 am

@Into the Light: nope, I commented on JASon’s post, which I happen to partly agree.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2011
10:22 am

ITL: Good morning I will let you know no problem.

Fellas it was a man’s paradise, ladys in their sun dresses, short skirts, and minis. Reason I asked was any women from the blog there is I could sense and visualize some of y’all being there. Avg. age between 35 and 55. Enjoy your day.

AmazonRed™

July 12th, 2011
10:24 am

Hey Leggs! I have been slacking on checking that account. I’m a loser indeed. :lol:

Yay @ kimmie! Did you get hitched yet?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2011
10:25 am

Leggs:
Got you too.

Commonsenseagitator

July 12th, 2011
10:27 am

Wise diva? Sounds more like dumb witch

kimmie

July 12th, 2011
10:29 am

Amred – Yep, June 4th at Caesars in Las Vegas! It was beautiful and fun, had about 25 there in total!

Leggs

July 12th, 2011
10:32 am

You best have me, Blackfoote (lol).

@ARed ~ ok, next time I’ll just text you when you have mail.

Leggs

July 12th, 2011
10:33 am

@commonsenseagitator ~ your moniker is an oxymoron!

Simple Man....

July 12th, 2011
10:35 am

ITL…Fresh cut Fruit and Green tea….Lite and filling (Leaves me feeling Spry in the morning)

Morning ARED…Nice to read you again :)

SexyCool

July 12th, 2011
10:37 am

Caught Up In It – babygirl, I was neither blasting you nor inferring you chased this man. However, once you became a willing participant in that man’s unfaithfulness to his marriage, you became a woman unworthy of respect. By your own admission, you have been so ashamed of your actions that you have not even told those closest to you your dirty little secret.

Quite frankly, I had nothing but understanding for the position that you found yourself in, having been in that place myself. However, I was a 19 year old idiot who did have enough life experience to extract myself from that situation at the first knowledge of the vows that he exchanged with his wife.

You promote yourself as strong and independent in every other area of your life. I hope you maintain that strength in your newfound freedom. Wishing you nothing but the best, chick.