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Are you guilty of speed dating?

Have you ever met someone and liked them so much you wanted to fast forward through the awkward and unknown phase? It’s tricky because you don’t want to go too fast and you don’t want to back off either. Is there a way to balance it out and go at a nice and steady pace?

I think that when you are speed dating, you end up alluding to, or bringing up sex in a way that could come across as too eager. A lot of guys want to smash before date three. I’m sure some men would say they experience the same urgency with the women they meet too. What is the big hurry!?

I remember one guy once telling me that he expected to close the deal before he would even consider a relationship. I gave him my best “But…but..we just met” response. That is when I learned that you should date the people that want the same things that you do..in the same time frame. It’s not as easy as it sounds!

How do you handle it when you are seeing someone you really like but they are pushing things too fast?

When you first meet someone, how do you know that they are on the same track and same pace as you are?

Maybe this is my dumb question of the day but: why do so many single people expect to smash so soon after meeting you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

540 comments Add your comment

Beverly Hall

July 7th, 2011
7:08 am

Miss me yet?

5-Inch-Tool Player

July 7th, 2011
7:46 am

Speed Dater? Nah.

Speed Lover?

The ladies don’t call me “Quick Draw McGraw” for nothing.

Dave

July 7th, 2011
7:48 am

I’m one of the strange ones as I don’t like to “date around” and date many people at one time. I date one person and if I like them, I continue dating that one person. If I don’t like them or the feeling wears off, I stop dating them and move on. Most people (from what I hear) date many people at one time. I just figure that if I did that, there would always be that one person that I would rather be with and the whole time I’m with the other people, I’m thinking about that one person. Call me crazy….pass the Zoloft, please….

thewatchdog

July 7th, 2011
8:27 am

That is a great question. I really like it. I like to strike “gold” on the first date. If we are compatible I can tell right away. You know how it is. When you go to a car dealership, they always ask if you want to take it for a spin. Same thing with girls, take a spin and if she does well, take her off the lot. I like to get married early in the morning, if it doesn’t work out it won’t ruin the whole day.

LL411

July 7th, 2011
8:33 am

Dave… I feel the same way. Multi-dating does not appeal to me, it’s exhausting and without focus, especially if you’re looking more than a sudo-relationship.

Dave

July 7th, 2011
8:40 am

On a side note, I would telling a ball faced story if me and the lady are vibing on the first date and she was attractive, that I wasn’t thinking about sex. But it usually doesn’t happen on the first date and I won’t push for it. But that being said, her “eagerness” and “enthusiasm” when we do close the deal goes a long way in deciding if there are future dates. You can be as beautiful and sweet all you want, but if she does it like a frigid nun with her parents in the next room, I’m out the door and leaving skid marks pronto.

Dave

July 7th, 2011
8:42 am

LL411, while I’m not looking to get married, per se, I am wanting just one person that I enjoy spending time with and she enjoys spending time with me. Until then, it’s trial and error.

Blue

July 7th, 2011
8:47 am

If by speed dating you mean “do you go out on a date and within 15 minutes the woman says ‘this date is over’” then, yes, I am a speed dater. :)

Simple Man...

July 7th, 2011
8:51 am

Morning peeps..

Gonna hold off on answering this one for a bit…Don’t want to jump out here and get my head chopped off this early…..

Simple Man...

July 7th, 2011
8:51 am

is this my blue?

Into the Light

July 7th, 2011
8:56 am

Morning, Simple. :)

Simple Man...

July 7th, 2011
8:58 am

Morning ITL!!! What’s for Breakfast?

SlimNumeroUno

July 7th, 2011
8:59 am

Guuuuuud, guuuuud mornin’

Had a great night so I’m still riding off the endorphins

Into the Light

July 7th, 2011
9:00 am

For you, I’m making a veggie and cheese fritatta and home fries. What time will you be here?

Simple Man...

July 7th, 2011
9:03 am

Hmmm sounds great!!! I am on the way :)

Slim1!! Must be nice!! :D :) :D

@ms_jones74

July 7th, 2011
9:03 am

I am not a speed dater and I am single, I believe, because of it. I won’t even tell you where I live before date three, so I’m not sure why you’re hinting at needing to hit and we’ve only been out once or twice. Almost never fails, when he’s told it’s not happening right away, he’s out. It really makes me think that men don’t want women for anything other than sex.

Dave

July 7th, 2011
9:04 am

Fried egg sandwich with cheese and ham being consumed here. Home cooked, of course. Just wish I had a bowl of grits. No grits, no glory.

Da View

July 7th, 2011
9:06 am

Ms. jones74, if it weren’t for breasts, bootay and sex, there would be a reward on every woman’s head.

Trizzle

July 7th, 2011
9:07 am

It does seem like everyone is in a hurry to “smash”. I mean, I get it if there is no compatibility, then why waste your time, but on the other hand, the buildup is the BEST and you can only get that once. Its like the first kiss, there is only one of those. Once you have done the deed, the anticipation is gone, the nervousness is gone, and that first ultimate orgasim, is gone….. Take your time, enjoy it…..

Leggs

July 7th, 2011
9:11 am

Good morning.

Dave ~ I’m 100% with you! Also, your breakfast took me right back to the deli on 215th Street!

SlimNumeroUno

July 7th, 2011
9:11 am

Simple – Yeah, I whooped The Beau’s arse in cards last night….’I AM THE CHAAAAAAMP!!!’ And my oh my does he hate to lose :lol:

Into the Light

July 7th, 2011
9:14 am

Dave, I am SO with you. This Georgia girl LOVES grits!

Into the Light

July 7th, 2011
9:15 am

Woohoo! Way to go, Slim! :)

[...] Have you ever met someone and liked them so much you wanted to fast forward through the awkward and unknown phase? It’s tricky because you don’t want to go too fast and you don’t want to back off either. Is there a way to balance it out and go at a nice and steady pace? I think that when you are speed dating, you end up alluding to, or bringing up sex in a way that could come across as too eager. A lot of guys want to smash before date three. I’m sure some men would say they experience the same urgency with the women they meet too. What is the big hurry!? http://blogs.ajc.com/misadventures-in-atlanta/2011/07/07/are-you-guilty-of-speed-dating/?cxntfid=blo... [...]

Simple Man...

July 7th, 2011
9:17 am

Slim1, Please dont tell me you are a the one to rub it in if you win….

LL411

July 7th, 2011
9:19 am

Dave: LL411, while I’m not looking to get married, per se… agree.

My last long term and I (met online) talked on the phone about a week and a half, he asked me out… 2nd date it was on! Afterwards, I was worried that I’d moved too fast, turned out he knew he was feeling me mentally, then physically, then emotionally and sex was the cherry on top :)

He’s said that most men already know what they want when they meet you, if I’m not mistaken after that the rest is confirmation. Guys?

kimmie

July 7th, 2011
9:21 am

Morning All!

When dating, while I respected a guy for wanting to take the time and get to know me, I expect exactly that before ANYTHING is going to happen in the physical arena. No calling once every 2 weeks to go out and since it didn’t happen, no hear from for another 2 weeks or so. Pursue and be persistant and consistant! The sooner you could make me comfortable around you and convince me that you were truly interested in more that just knocking boots, things would take their natural course. I was grown and not into teasing and being coy. You had to BRING IT – intelligent conversation, a sense of humor, decent date suggestions and a true interest in me. Of course the intagible – chemistry.

My husband pursued me, heck we pursued each other. He let it be known up front that he was interested in getting to know me and not just messing around. Physical things did not happen quickly because I was a bit cautious. But they did not move at a snails pace either.

Some folks move very quickly and things work out. Others move quick and they end up a one-night stand. All depends on the people involved and what they are looking for. We all grown.

Purple Rain

July 7th, 2011
9:22 am

Monkey Paw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LL411

July 7th, 2011
9:23 am

Simple Man...

July 7th, 2011
9:26 am

Ok here it is….I love to date…In fact I enjoy most things about dating. Because of this I go on lots of dates and am always in the various stages of dating. The good part about this is that there is never a need to rush a person to move at a speed greater than what they are comfortable with. The down side is regardless of what they say, not every woman is comfortable in a relationship that does not have a predertemined outcome…..

Into the Light

July 7th, 2011
9:26 am

Purp, I knew that was gonna be your first post this morning. To tell you the truth, I thought you might change your screen name to Monkey Paw, or at least a variation.

Plastic Patti

July 7th, 2011
9:28 am

Has anyone seen my husband??? AA dude with a ponytail and kind of crazy eyes?? He left with our kids, Betsy Wetsy and My Buddy in the stroller and I haven’t seen him since. I swear, if he took my kids over to that bee-yotch Barbie’s house, I’mma kill him!!!

Dave

July 7th, 2011
9:31 am

In May, I went out with a girl recently and after the third date, I told her that I was a great seafood cook. She asked me over to cook some fried catfish, cheese grits and broccoli for her AND her parents. The meal was great, her parents talked with me incessantly all evening, joking and laughing….and I haven’t heard from her since. Sometimes, ya just shake yer head and wonder…..*sigh

SlimNumeroUno

July 7th, 2011
9:31 am

Simple – Blog monster apparently is a sore loser too since it ate my post. Again, I’m not much of a person who talks a lot of junk but The Beau doesn’t ever want to acknowledge when I win. He’ll always say I cheated or something but when HE wins, he does the whole winners dance. So this time I ran around the house yelling BOOOOO YAH IN YO FACE!!! lol It’s all good though…it was nothing a few neck kisses couldn’t fix.

Purple Rain

July 7th, 2011
9:31 am

It depends on what you desired results are. If you are both wanting to get in each others pants, you really are not looking for a longterm relationship…although it may still happen. If a person is taking it slow and feeling things out they are looking for something more perm. Once you cross the intimacy road to soon it is hard to stop. It is funny when people give the excuse “we are adults so it’s okay” If you are a horny toad just say so.

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

July 7th, 2011
9:31 am

Hi All. Timely subject, and one I am dealing with this week. I went out with a lady for the first time this weekend and the chemistry was about as strong as I can ever remember…and I’ve dated a lot of women in the last ten years. We had lunch at a nice restaurant and when we brought up the “are we going to see each other again”, I said how about that evening and invited her over to swim in my pool and have a few drinks. To my surprise she said yes and we connected on every level. That is unusual for me (and her). I think the speed at which we got to know each other was scary for both of us. Fortunately we both know what we want in someone…so who knows.

I’m like David…I’m not a serial dater, and seldom date more than one lady at a time…choosing to get to know ONE person more deeply than superficially knowing many. To me it is not a numbers game.

kimmie

July 7th, 2011
9:32 am

The down side is regardless of what they say, not every woman is comfortable in a relationship that does not have a predertemined outcome…..

Simple – Different strokes for different folks, but that ish does get old after awhile. Especially if you are dating women over 25 or 30.

Purple Rain

July 7th, 2011
9:33 am

Dave, catfish is not seafood.

ITL, I have been saying that since yesterday like I have turrets. “Monkey Paw!”

SlimNumeroUno

July 7th, 2011
9:33 am

I didn’t know Plastic Patti could talk. I thought she was mute, blind and deaf.

TenderRoni

July 7th, 2011
9:35 am

Morning All,

How do I handle someone that is trying to move to fast, especially pushing for sex earlier on, I quickly lose interest. Its a turn-off. Some men have lost the nack of flirting, and letting the anticpation build up.

I know we are going at the same pace when the guy trys to understand and respect my desire to take things slow and get to know each other. We aren’t moving the same pace when every other conversation we have is about sex, when we going to have sex, and how good he is at sex.

Plastic Patti

July 7th, 2011
9:35 am

No, Slim. You have to pull the string in my back and I say all sorts of things. “Oh, wow! You’re the best!” “Can you add air? I’m deflating…”

Leggs

July 7th, 2011
9:35 am

@SlimNu ~ did you beat him in Spades or Bid?

Into the Light

July 7th, 2011
9:36 am

co-signing Kimmie’s 9:32

Simple Man...

July 7th, 2011
9:37 am

Kimmie, I understand that point and completely respect those that decide I and those that date like me are not for them. But I know that If I should come across the person that gives me butterflies, I am prepared to stop and change directions on a dime.

SlimNumeroUno

July 7th, 2011
9:39 am

Leggs – Tonk and Speed lol

Into the Light

July 7th, 2011
9:39 am

Completely off topic: talking about grits has me craving WaHo

Randyt (aka, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF T-SHIRTS)

July 7th, 2011
9:40 am

@ PR re: “Once you cross the intimacy road to soon it is hard to stop.”

No kidding. I had a defining moment like this about 6 years ago that changed my thinking forever about exercising control. Things “happened” the second night out and neither of us was planning it or expecting it. It made things awkward and we both backed off and never rekindled that feeling. Shame was that she became a friend and I realized too late that she was someone I possibly could have loved, but the barrier was up. Since that time I have tried to not rush things, but sometimes the ‘little head’ takes control.

Leggs

July 7th, 2011
9:40 am

That’s great, RandyT! Hope it lasts.

Simple Man...

July 7th, 2011
9:41 am

Plastic Patti, I think I just saw your dude at Bass Pro Shops with Silicon Steve shopping for matching fishing vest trying on cargo shorts….

Leggs

July 7th, 2011
9:42 am

What is Speed?? Never heard of that card game.

“How do I handle someone that is trying to move to fast, especially pushing for sex earlier on, I quickly lose interest. Its a turn-off. Some men have lost the nack of flirting, and letting the anticpation build up.” – Deserves a repeat!!!