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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Just like one of the guys

When a single woman suddenly realizes she has an entire collection of guy friends, she probably will wonder, “Why aren’t I dating any of my amazing guy friends?!”

I think being just like one of the guys has it’s perks, but what should a girl do when all she gets invited to are boy’s night out? Once a guy perceives a girl as a homie, one of the guys, could she ever make him see her differently?

Guys do men like women who are cool and non-girly? If these are the types that seem low maintenance, why is it hard to ask them out? Why go for the high maintenance type if being like one of the guys is a positive thing?

by Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

189 comments Add your comment

Foxy

July 5th, 2011
7:50 am

GM
Foxy might date like a guy, but I assure you -I have never been one of them! ;)

Simple Man...

July 5th, 2011
8:10 am

Good Morning!! Hope everyone had a wondeful Holiday weekend!!!

On topic:
* “do men like women who are cool and non-girly?” Two completely separate issues that should not be viewed the same. My circle of friends includes two women that are very cool, and very much considered as one of the guys and both happen to be VERY GIRLY. We do not cross teh line and try to date them ( or them us) because as adults we have made teh choice to value our friendship above all else. Now I don’t have any girls in my circle that are “Hard and non-girl” so I can’t relate to that, so I guess it comes down to the realization that not everyone is suitable to date regardless of how great a person they are…Sometimes It really is ok to just be freinds :)

blue-eyed-blonde

July 5th, 2011
8:36 am

Good Morning Foxy & Simple Man: Hard coming back to the real world after a long weekend.

I’ve got several guy friends and I assure you I’m very girly, girly all the way down to my pink sandals.
Some of them have been freinds for many years and the thought of dating them would be like dating my brother!! But I love sports and would rather sit with these guys watching a ball game than gossipping in the kitchen. Also a couple of them are married and am friends with their wives as well. Like Simple Man said, they are really two separate issues.

Beverly Hall

July 5th, 2011
8:51 am

Although I will soon be leaving town, I don’t want to be treated as just one of the boys.

dougmo2

July 5th, 2011
8:55 am

From the reverse side of things. I had a girl-friend (strictly platonic) who after 16 years of just hanging out and being friends, slept together and ruined the relationship and friendship. It is one of the worst mistakes I ever made. NEVER date a friend. The emotional toll it takes at the end of the day is not worth it.

Where They Do Dat At?

July 5th, 2011
8:56 am

@Simple- Are you saying that you have never had any sexual tension with the girly gils in your group?

SlimNumeroUno

July 5th, 2011
9:15 am

Well, well, well,….reality has set back in and it’s time to go back to work after a 3 day weekend. WACK!

Oh yeah, Good morning Blogsville

Dave

July 5th, 2011
9:15 am

Depends. I do like a woman that can fit in, hang out and be relaxed with the guys. That shows confidence. But I also like a woman that can fix up when the time comes for it. I can wear a tux or a pair of sweats and be comfortable in both, so I guess I like a woman that can do a little of everything. I do NOT like a woman that is all frills and lace, doesn’t ever want to get dirty or break a nail or constantly updating her make-up every hour or so. Diversity and adaptability, people.

Dave

July 5th, 2011
9:16 am

Also, note to self: Take the 5th of July off from this day forward….

czBrat

July 5th, 2011
9:25 am

HiYas!

agreeing with those who have already said you can kick it with the gents and still be sugar and spice and everything nice. i am infinitely more comfortable among guys, and i most certainly do not blend in.

duo, i had a friendship turn relationship … then successfully back to friendship. it is unfortunate when good vibes are ruined by intimacy. :lol:

Simple Man...

July 5th, 2011
9:25 am

Where They do…Yeah…This is Atlanta…There are thousands of women here to be involved with..Why would I (or her for that matter) risk a great friendship for the sake of what may or may not be? I love and value them in a way that really does make them off limits. They boundries were set early and all parties involved respect them completely.

kimmie

July 5th, 2011
9:43 am

Morning all!

I grew up with 4 brothers. I went thru my tomboy phase and am now very girly. Love girly stuff, to a certain extent. I’m not overboard with the pink & all. Not afraid to get my hands dirty either and love certain sports. I am comfortable around the guys but I am definitely not “one of them”. When my husbands “boys” are around, I can joke and kick it with them some, but I go on and either get with my girls or just do my own thing. I’m not all up in “man stuff” and I hate it when dudes are all up in “women stuff”. The 2 worlds don’t collide in my world!

As for when I was single, why didn’t I date the guy friends? Yeah, there were some that I know liked me like that and even told me so. But I just wasn’t feeling them that way. I then limited my time around them until they got over their little crush. Nice guys, just not for me. Like Simple said, just cause they are great that doesn’t mean you have to date everybody! Folks used to trip me out about that kind of stuff though. They would be pressing me – why don’t you date so & so, you’re being too picky! Last time I checked it was a free country and we all could date whomever we liked!!

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 5th, 2011
9:45 am

Of course she can get out of the friend zone and quite simply if she wants to. Have sex with the one she wants. First she has to set it up right by flirting with him when none of the other friends around. Then pull and Aaliyah if I let this go move you cant tell nobody.. Now this all hinges on if the friend thinks shes hot or not and someone he could date. If not she doomed to the friend zone just like us guys who women deem us not boyfriend material.. Dudes would screw their girl homies if the op presented itseelf and if all else fails.. Blame it on the alcohol..

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 5th, 2011
9:46 am

kimmie

July 5th, 2011
9:48 am

Hey DK! What’s shakin?

SlimNumeroUno

July 5th, 2011
9:52 am

I think I’m pretty much the type of chick that can be cool around the guys but still clean up into the semi-girly girly thing as well. Pretty much of the guys I’ve dated, they all stated that I made them feel as if they could be relaxed and comfy around me. I would never want to be solely looked upon as “just one of the guys” by a dude I was interested in though.

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 5th, 2011
9:56 am

Kimmie – Its the same soup just reheated on my end.. Just wanted to stop by and say hello

kimmie

July 5th, 2011
10:01 am

Its the same soup just reheated on my end

:lol: :lol:

EAT ON TON

July 5th, 2011
10:04 am

I think it is all about finding a good balance. Most guys I know like girls that can fit into any environment, someone that can adapt to any situation. Most of my friends and I are very girly. We like to get dressed up, go out, go shopping, etc. But we can also have just as much fun at a college football tailgate, hanging out with the guys, drinking beer and grilling out. Most men I know don’t want a super prissy girl- but they also don’t want someone that can be considered “just one of the guys”.

Leggs

July 5th, 2011
10:19 am

Good morning, good morning.

@Dave ~ I’m with you on taking the 5th off going forward. I was so close to taking PTO today.

I have guy friends. A few who like me “that way,” but I won’t go that route. We’ve been friends for so many years, I don’t see them “like that.” I shoot the isht with them to a certain extent. The only sports talk I have a handle on is boxing or track.

Leggs

July 5th, 2011
10:27 am

This topic reminds me of the movie “Love and Basketball”

kimmie

July 5th, 2011
10:32 am

Leggs – You know, as I’ve gotten older I have really begun to appreciate more and more my girlfriends. I love my guy friends,don’t get me wrong. But over the years I got tired of dealing with the tension when the guys started liking me “like that” or when they get a female SO or when I got a male SO – dealing with the awkwardness of all that. My good girlfriends are the ones that will be there for me thru thick & thin. I’ll always be there for them as well. I really value them and they are like family. They treat me the same way.

Purple Rain

July 5th, 2011
10:33 am

It’s cool to have a woman who is comfortable around guys, but not one who prefers to hang around guys most of the time. Women are still women and they need to have their woman place and friends just like men need to be meen and have their man things to do.

Lovely Brown

July 5th, 2011
10:36 am

Good Morning all! :-)

I agree with everyone that said I should’ ve taken the 5th off…..still recovering, too much white wine and smoke….from the fireworks :lol:

On topic- I am truly a girly-girl. I always have been, it’s just me. But, I like football and can follow the game just fine, I love basketball esp. college. I will have some beers and wings w/ the guys in my pink t-shirt :lol:

I slept with one of my guy friends, one night after work and too many coronas. It was horrible! The sex was blah…. we are still cool though. Maybe that’s why…the sex was wack!

SexyCool

July 5th, 2011
10:39 am

When a single woman suddenly realizes she has an entire collection of guy friends, she probably will wonder, “Why aren’t I dating any of my amazing guy friends?!”

I don’t know any women who would ask themselves this particular question. Once a dude (and especially an entire collection of them) have been friend zoned, it is unusual to sift back through the whole lot of them trying to figure out why you’re not dating them. And really, it could be that they are not dating you.

Kellibean

July 5th, 2011
10:46 am

One of the things that my s/o loves about me is that I’m not a typical girly girl. I grew up with an older brother and his friends and learned to be “one of the guys.” Now, I can definitely clean up nicely, but I’m very low maintenance. He’s amazed that I’m not into shopping and make up and jewelry. I even got him into watching college football.

My feelings about dating a friend in the group…most relationships start out from being friends. It can be a big risk, but it can be worth it. You want to be friends with your partner, so it can make since to try to date a friend.

Leggs

July 5th, 2011
10:46 am

Exactly, kimmie. It’s way crazy when your guy friend includes his new gf and she’s sizing YOU up wondering where YOU fit in and if you’ve sampled her new man in the past.

I need my gfs to hang out with and do girl things with. I like to be silly, giggle, snicker, shop and people watch. Not many men like to do that (LOL).

@Lovely Brown ~ I didn’t get out of bed until 7:43. I’m suppose to be at work at 8:30. I need an hour to get ready in the morning. All that matters is I arrived before my boss so I’m good. :wink:

anonymousella

July 5th, 2011
10:47 am

if you’re like one of the guys, it’s probably because there is zero sexual chemistry between you and the dude(s) in question. zero. none. and y’all probably know too much about each other to make that work.

that’s why y’all ain’t trying to work something out. and i think it’s healthier that way. let them give you pro-tips on how to snag a man instead.

Into the Light

July 5th, 2011
10:54 am

Good morning, all! Hope everyone had a happy, if a bit soggy, holiday weekend.

On topic: Friends stay in the friend zone. Yes, sometimes there can be sexual tension or an attraction, but that’s to be expected. Kinda makes it more fun, if you ask me.

co-signing the others who said girls need girl time, and men need man time….

SexyCool

July 5th, 2011
10:55 am

Official Peachtree Time – 1:35:20 – a 15 minute improvement over last year.

kimmie

July 5th, 2011
10:59 am

anon – I agree, there is probably no chemistry there! I don’t remember it ever being any! The fact that one or more of those guys tried to get with me really meant nothing. I figured he was just being a man! I’m not a bad-looking sister, couldn’t blame him for trying!LOL! But hey, that didn’t mean he wanted to make me his girlfriend and eventually wife! If that’s what he wanted, we wanted, that’s what we would have done up front. I wouldn’t be “one of the guys” at all! Not to say we couldn’t have started as friends, but I doubt very seriously I would have been hanging with the boys!

Leggs

July 5th, 2011
11:00 am

Congrats, SC. For some reason, I thought this was your first P’tree race. My neighbor ran her first. She did it in over an hour and had nothing kind to say about some “killer hill” (lol).

kimmie

July 5th, 2011
11:01 am

SCool – Fabulous on the improvement! I give you mad respect for even doing it.

One day, one day!

Leggs

July 5th, 2011
11:03 am

The fact that one or more of those guys tried to get with me really meant nothing. I figured he was just being a man! I’m not a bad-looking sister, couldn’t blame him for trying! Exactly. K.I.M….

SexyCool

July 5th, 2011
11:04 am

Aaaahhh, Leggs – the infamous “Cardiac Hill” – we made it about halfway up before we conceded defeat. Funny thing is, no one but me, TheDude and my sister even ran that much of it when we took it on. They ALL were walking.

Leggs

July 5th, 2011
11:04 am

I use to say one day, one day. Now I simply say “not gonna happen.”

kimmie

July 5th, 2011
11:05 am

Leggs

July 5th, 2011
11:10 am

That’s it, “Cardiac Hill.” I heard some guy talking about the hill on the news, then my neighbor. Both said it was a “killer hill.” Cardiac Hill is even scarier.

Into the Light

July 5th, 2011
11:11 am

Congrats, SC!!!

Lovely Brown

July 5th, 2011
11:12 am

Congrats SC! That is so cool…… the only running I did this weekend was to refill my glass :lol:

SexyCool

July 5th, 2011
11:17 am

Atlanta has a lot of inclines and hills that kinda sneak up on you when you are out there on ‘em.

jw

July 5th, 2011
11:19 am

I think this is the reason – when you are one of the ‘guys’ – the guys may think you are attractive and date worthy – the problem is the fear of what happens to the group dynamics if you tell the guy NO WAY or if the relationship messes up – what happens to the group? I don’t think either person thinks in a positive way about the potential relationship.

Also, both of you are torn between the group dynamics and your relationship – unfortunately it causes you to have to choose between the group or the boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s a line the guy is afraid to cross – and when he does it has the potential to mess up the whole group. Very few men will cross that line, regardless of age. I would think from the woman’s point of view, what happens if the wrong one of the friends wants to date you – how do you tell them no without messing everything up –

That’s a tough situation – and one that may have folks scratching their heads in about 10 years wondering why they didn’t take that chance.

SexyCool

July 5th, 2011
11:21 am

There was/is not that much angst between my male friends and I. At the point, that it became clear to them that we were/are just friends, a lot of that other stuff just fell away.

SexyCool

July 5th, 2011
11:23 am

Correction – my male friends and ME (trying too hard….lol)

Into the Light

July 5th, 2011
11:27 am

(trying too hard….lol)

Plus, it’s technically Monday… :)

Purple Rain

July 5th, 2011
11:30 am

So guess what…we are pregnant again…already!

SexyCool

July 5th, 2011
11:32 am

Wow….Super-sp.erm.

Congratulations – maybe this time you will get a mini-Julia.

Into the Light

July 5th, 2011
11:33 am

WOW!! Congrats, to you and Mrs. Purp. :)

Purple Rain

July 5th, 2011
11:37 am

Well, I rather it be now than on done the road. Still don’t know how that happened so quickly, I don’t want a girl but anything healthy will be fine. She want’s it to be a girl, I don’t because I know I or Dante will be going to jail at some point. It’s to much to worry about having a girl.

SlimNumeroUno

July 5th, 2011
11:42 am

Thinking I had the chance to throw rotten eggs to the people that waited until midnight to start popping off a buffet of fireworks and guns last night