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Fighting unfairly a red flag?

In the midst of a heated argument, my friend “Sara” was taken aback when her boyfriend said something really hurtful. Not only was it insulting, he ended it by calling her a name – not the sweet kind – the “C” kind.

She is pretty shook up by it for a couple of reasons: This was their first big relationship fight; he didn’t seem that remorseful; she wonders if these below the belt verbal jabs are a sign of something deeper. How would you handle this?

Have you ever said something hurtful to the person you are dating or married to? Do you think there are certain lines you just should not cross when you are having a disagreement?

Has someone ever gone too far and said something awful to you? How can you tell when it is verbal abuse and when it is just “fighting unfairly” in an argument?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

192 comments Add your comment

Fion

June 30th, 2011
1:22 pm

@Sexy
My blood sugar is low and I got to go lunch. I’ve got read that again.

cba

June 30th, 2011
1:50 pm

I have a niece who’s currently attending a wedding in Key West and she posted some pics on FB. She’s 30 and there’s a pic of she and her girl friends in a hot tub along with this swiss guy. He has on a lime green “something other”, a thong with shoulder straps. The front is only covering his “junk” and there’s a butt shot and you can see that its a thong. Man, what a site. That’s why I never have an intentions of getting in a public hot tub.

Exiled!

June 30th, 2011
2:03 pm

No,it was a general commentary Sexxy..

SexyCool

June 30th, 2011
2:04 pm

My taste buds are adjusting to my diet changes.

This morning, I only put one tablespoon in my entire bowl of oatmeal. I used to just pile it on.

Water with lemon (no sweetener of any kind) is starting to actually taste like lemonade.

Grapefruit is starting to actually taste good to me. <–This is a MAJOR shock to me. I used to not be able to eat grapefruit to save life.

SexyCool

June 30th, 2011
2:10 pm

As soon as I typed that, one of my co-workers brought me in a slice of cheesecake that he bought for me because I helped him with a project last week.

Lead me not into temptation….

Exiled!

June 30th, 2011
2:12 pm

Makes sense SexxyCool,especially if u get drip sugar at nite…on the regular!

No need to load up on sugar in ur oatmeal in the morning!

SlimNumeroUno

June 30th, 2011
2:15 pm

SexyC – We were talking about cheesecake this morning. That is truly one of my FAVORITE desserts outside of peach cobbler. Mmmm goood

SexyCool

June 30th, 2011
2:21 pm

Apparently, my taste buds can still be seduced. I’ve taken two bites of it.

I’m debating whether or not to throw the rest of it away. (I abhor throwing away/wasting food. Too many folks that don’t have any.)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 30th, 2011
2:22 pm

LOL…..Uncle Peaches why couldn’t you be Aunt Peaches then we would be cool.
Of all the beautiful women on this blog I draw Uncle Peaches, I’ll just go get my B.A.B. shirt and sit down under the stairwell.

Exiled!

June 30th, 2011
2:26 pm

Leggs

June 30th, 2011
2:27 pm

@SlimNu ~ we can put our numbers together and play. Now, you can’t pull out one day after playing for a month and that’s the day I hit and you want to take me to court…put your dukes up.

I grew up with “butches,” and I was afraid of them. They were hardcore lesbians and forceful in their pursuit. It wasn’t as prevalent as it is today. Everywhere you go, there are lesbians. They didn’t bother me just as long as they stayed in their lane. I grew up with gay friends, partied with them and didn’t necessarily care what they did. Just don’t force it upon me. If I wanted to taste the “sweet spot” as Exiled so eloquently stated it will be done on my terms not because I was “jumped.” To each their own as long as it doesn’t interfere with the way I live my life.

And, for the record, if my child told me she was gay, I wouldn’t see her any differently. That’s the truth.

Lovely Brown

June 30th, 2011
2:34 pm

And, for the record, if my child told me she was gay, I wouldn’t see her any differently. That’s the truth.

Leggs- That is I feel about my daughter. We all had a hard time at first because we were not sure how the younger children would handle it. To them she is big sister….it is the other grown folk in our family that were trippin’ and I mean TRIPPIN’! :lol:

Into the Light

June 30th, 2011
2:46 pm

Afternoon, y’all!!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 30th, 2011
2:47 pm

Speaking from under the stairwell I don’t see gay people any different, I’m not into what they do. It is a two way street, they can also not like what I do.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 30th, 2011
2:49 pm

Hello Light, over here look under the stairwell…..LOL

Leggs

June 30th, 2011
2:55 pm

@Lovely Brown ~ I hear ya. One of the parents on the team found out her daughter is being “turned out” (her words) by another girl (the other girl is 19, her child is 18). She went cat isht ballastic. Cussing her daughter out in front of 2 of us other parents. Threw her out the house since she’s 18 and blasted her to hell forever. I felt so bad for her. The mother said “I will not have that type of behavior in my house.” I think she has calmed down a little. I quietly laugh at the mother because her lot in life right now is to be somebody’s hoe. Seriously, she just wants to hoe around and have a good time for a little while! I went to a Jamaican club with her once and she kept disappearing. Each time I walked up on her she was on the wall grinding with some random. Tsk, tsk, tsk, but to each their own.

Leggs

June 30th, 2011
3:19 pm

Hey, where is everyone????

Simple Man

June 30th, 2011
3:28 pm

Like a ghost town in here….

OK..Off topic…Got “The Best of Ronnie Laws” Playing In the Building today…Can’t Believe I got the Grumpest woman in teh entire Buliding to step an entire song with me….

Fion

June 30th, 2011
3:37 pm

I’m gonna have a Love affair this weekend with that PIG. I’m gonna dip her, baste her, lay her on the grill……
hell I might even Tango with her.

Yeah, I said it. All ya’ll Pig haters. You don’t like it. Do sumthin!

Leggs

June 30th, 2011
3:37 pm

Awwww, I hope she started smiling???

SexyCool

June 30th, 2011
3:40 pm

Tonight, TheDude and I have our last pre-marital counseling session.

Simple Man

June 30th, 2011
3:41 pm

Everyone on her team stood and cheered LOL…That was the most she has smiled in the last 6 months !!

SexyCool

June 30th, 2011
3:41 pm

Next week……obedience classes………

For the dog, that is. (lol)

Leggs

June 30th, 2011
3:52 pm

That’s great, SimpleM! Perhaps the things she’s carrying is a little lighter just because she danced today and smiled!

Leggs

June 30th, 2011
3:54 pm

are a little lighter….

Leggs

June 30th, 2011
3:55 pm

That’s great, SC (on the last pre-marital session).

Lovely Brown

June 30th, 2011
4:01 pm

@ Leggs your 2:55- That is a mess. But it happens more than people think, I know a lot of parents that act like they are the child.

@Simple man- Your post made me smile like I was dancing….who can dance and frown?! :lol:

They are trying to make me earn it today, esp since I am off until Tues. But if they keep messing with me they will not see me ’til Weds. I got the time….

take that, take that :lol:

Simple Man

June 30th, 2011
4:06 pm

Awww… Lovely :) Not many things better than great music and sweet dance….

Exiled!

June 30th, 2011
4:08 pm

So u ain’t taking the to ‘honor and obey’ class urself Secxycool!?

it’s important!

Leggs

June 30th, 2011
4:11 pm

@Exiled ~ I thought we stopped talking about bitc… awhile ago. :wink:

Lovely Brown

June 30th, 2011
4:14 pm

SC- that is great about the counseling session. Hopefully your counselor(s) are more helpful than ours was…we still crack up laughing about them 15 years later. They also said dining”southern cuisine” should not be on the list of bedroom activities :shock: is how we were looking….no wonder they was looking so sad all the time :lol:

SexyCool

June 30th, 2011
4:29 pm

I don’t get your question, African.

SexyCool

June 30th, 2011
4:30 pm

Oh…and I meant to ask if you are at work today. Are you?

Leggs

June 30th, 2011
4:30 pm

@SVC ~ he was being facetious in that you need to go into the marriage knowing how to be obedient. Implying you may pick up some pointers from the dog training class in obedience.

Leggs

June 30th, 2011
4:31 pm

Please disregard that sneaky little “V”, SC!

SlimNumeroUno

June 30th, 2011
4:33 pm

I must say that today has been a true skruggle to get through….i’m rhet to go

Leggs

June 30th, 2011
4:40 pm

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Leggs

June 30th, 2011
4:58 pm

Oh my, must have dozed off.

Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, “Relax, it’s just a bend, not the end!

PEACE~

The Buzz

June 30th, 2011
5:02 pm

Interesting situation. If he is angry enough to call her that, why doesn’t he want to break up? Sounds like no matter which way you look at it, this is the sign of an unhealthy relationship beginning to bloom. She should cut the ties. They obviously aren’t right for each other one way or another if this was the outcome of their very first fight! Either she’s a total harpie (so why does he want her) or he’s an abusive guy and this is the first sign (why would she want him). End it!

[...] Spell the End?? Posted on June 30, 2011 by thebuzz We ran across this interesting question from MisAdventures in Atlanta today and thought it was [...]

funkybrewster

June 30th, 2011
5:07 pm

key to more bloggers/blogging: be engaging to all, kill the cliques, welcome all conversations. it will last much longer

Into the Light

June 30th, 2011
5:30 pm

Dang…I missed y’all today! I’ve been so busy, I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt!

Hope to see you tomorrow!