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Online dating: Is it only virtual chemistry?

Have you ever met someone online, had great “virtual” chemistry, but when you met them in real life there were no sparks? I think this is a leading cause of online dating apprehension!

What do you do when you are disappointed in the lack of interest after a meet up?

I think meeting dates online is most effective when you both sense compatibility and then arrange to meet soon after. If you are unsure, make it a quick meet up with a group or outing with other people.

If you are going back and forth on Facebook, texting one another all the time, you could easily fall into a false sense of attraction. These
activities can be great but they do not substitute genuine attraction. The kind that happens when you spend quality time face to face.

What do you think? How do you know when the online chemistry is real and worth the effort to get a closer look? Is it their looks that let’s you know or something deeper?

159 comments Add your comment

Susan Anthony

June 27th, 2011
6:33 am

Is this all you’ve got?
You went to journalism school for this?
This is just a baby step ahead of writing for Penthouse forum.

Varinia

June 27th, 2011
6:52 am

I think the problem is a right/left brain thing.

The whole online dating thing is left brained. We have certain attributes that we like in a portential partner and it’s our left brain that confirms that this person fits.

But actual chemistry is right brained.

So, internet dating is using the left side of the brain to find someone that fits the right side of the brain. That’s why there are so many ‘oh, damn, we don’t connect!’ moments.

Just my opinion

Foxy

June 27th, 2011
7:12 am

GM Kids!
Great topic WD! Foxy just met a Mr. Wonderful on the net and we are plannining to meet up soon. Any ideas on the where to go and how does Foxy leave if he is a disaster? I’ll be reading.

Motocross Survivor

June 27th, 2011
7:18 am

Susan, are you really shocked by “journalists” today anymore? I mean, I hear “professional” local TV reporters who don’t even know correct grammar. But about the subject here..the facts are the same now as always: if an individual has to go to such measures to find a date/mate, there is usually something wrong. I doubt these people spend their lives in a mine shaft and never see other people. Whether it was “lonely hearts” in the old days, or online dating today, it’s all the same. And it’s been my observation for a long time that people are usually more attractive and interesting from a distance.

Ken

June 27th, 2011
7:58 am

I love trolls like Susan……..you take time out of your day to bash writers. Get a hobby.

SlimNumeroUno

June 27th, 2011
8:03 am

Good Misty Monday to all,

Who is that bitter at 6:33 in the morning? WOW!!!

MC Hammock

June 27th, 2011
8:18 am

On the internet, people say what they think others want to hear, photos are doctored, etc. Guys are always rich, handsome and sensitive. Women are always gorgeous, funny and love sex. It’s simply trying to get your foot in the door. BUT, for every 3-4 bombs, you get a really good experience. Nothing wrong with it. It is what it is. It’s when you narrow down the pool and actually decide to meet is when the true nature of everything is ironed out. It can be quite fun.

kvinder

June 27th, 2011
8:20 am

I think u have to write something more…….
http://www.scor.dk/flotte-kvinder/

Lana

June 27th, 2011
8:21 am

I’ve tried the internet dating thing and had some great times, sprinkled among some not so great. If ALL you do is the internet thing, something is kinda not straight, IMO. You have to spread yourself out and try all avenues of meeting people if you really want to meet them.

MC Hammock

June 27th, 2011
8:23 am

Oh, by the way, the move is complete and I am in a one bedroom apartment, now. Met some great people this weekend and even got invited to a 4th of July party. Man, things are looking up!

Wifey

June 27th, 2011
8:24 am

Good morning everyone! I stay away from the internet meeting sites. I’m much better one on one.

Simple Man

June 27th, 2011
8:30 am

Morning Peeps!!!

MCH, Congrats, and Jump right it, The water in the dating pool in damn near perfect this time of year!!!
Online dating…. The Key os a quick day time meeting….Meet up as soon as you are feeling them and save yourself the time. If you are feeling each other, then great, If not, you know early and you can K.I.M…..

Simple Man

June 27th, 2011
8:31 am

Happy Monday Wifey!!! Was the weekend as great as you hoped for??

Wifey

June 27th, 2011
8:41 am

Hi Simple, it was a relaxing one. I hung out with some friends and went to a dinner party. Nothing to brag about, but certainly nothing to sneeze at, either. How about you?

Simple Man

June 27th, 2011
8:47 am

Glad your weekend was cool…As for me…I think I fell in love!! (Hope it last longer thru the holiday) LOL

SlimNumeroUno

June 27th, 2011
9:05 am

I was in the country hanging with the fam, flies and mosquitos. And for the record, I think Off is like cat nip to mosquitos because I still got tore up! :-(

Simple Man

June 27th, 2011
9:11 am

Slim1
Glad you made it back fromt he 18th century..sorry I meant made it back from Alabama :)

SlimNumeroUno

June 27th, 2011
9:13 am

Simple – Pretty much lol

Mr_NYC

June 27th, 2011
9:21 am

It’s virtual chemistry until you meet. Just another option for meeting folks. Don’t get all hung up on the venue, just use your common sense and go from there. If you don’t wont folks to know how you crossed paths just say y’all met at the mall or something.

Leggs

June 27th, 2011
9:24 am

Good morning to all!

@SlimNu ~ why didn’t you take some Skin So Soft. That’s the mosquito repellant, not off (lol).

Interesting topic. I’ve heard some really good things about online dating. Know a few people who it has worked for. It’s a consideration.

@MCH ~ get comfortable, assess your life and do not, I repeat, do not pick up any strays on the rebound! Enjoy.

SlimNumeroUno

June 27th, 2011
9:25 am

I met The Beau on myspace…big deal. I have a friend who met her hubby online. They felt weird about telling folks that’s how they met but i’m thinking, who da heyal cares. ;-)

SlimNumeroUno

June 27th, 2011
9:30 am

Leggs – I forgot all about Skin So Soft…guess I’ll keep that in mind next time.

And let me just tell yall that age is no excuse for things because my 74 year old granny dropped it lower than i did this weekend. I had to go SAT down after our little dance off :lol: :oops:

Simple Man

June 27th, 2011
9:30 am

Morning Leggs!! Let MCH get hime a liitle strang early on to get it out of his system!! LOL

Dan - Simply...

June 27th, 2011
9:33 am

Virtual chemistry is a reason for us to meet. Obviously, there’s something about the person you present yourself to be online that “attractive” to me.

That said, a physical attraction along with the reality of your actual personality to your virtual one is what seals the deal.

Sometimes, people front so much (either in real life or online) that they don’t really know who they are. And for me, that’s the main dealbreaker. I deplore internet tough guys/gals.

Good morning

Dan - Simply...Superior

June 27th, 2011
9:34 am

PS – packing suuuuuuuuucccckkkks

SlimNumeroUno

June 27th, 2011
9:40 am

Dan – Where ya headed?

Leggs

June 27th, 2011
9:41 am

That is too funny, SlimNu. Granny having you sit down…that’s how I’m gonna be. :lol: :lol: :lol:

@SimpleM ~ while typing that I was laughing thinking he’s gonna knock some random with the quickness!

SlimNumeroUno

June 27th, 2011
9:46 am

Leggs – And to add, my mom video taped it so now there’s visual evidence. lol

With regards to MCH I just hope he waits enough time to at least see if the chick is crazy. That’ll be terrible to just be movin out getting ready to enjoy the single life, to only now be stalked by some random tender. Guess we’ll find out if he ends up moving before his next months rent is due.

Leggs

June 27th, 2011
9:51 am

That is doubly funny, SlimNU. Glad you had a good time with your family. I was going out to listen to some jazz and have a few drinks with some friends when the freaking sky opened up forcing me to turn around and go back home Friday evening. Mother Nature said “not tonight, Sweetie!”

SlimNumeroUno

June 27th, 2011
9:54 am

Leggs – I hate when we’re into the Random Storm part of the year. It was looking so nasty last night out in Conyers like a tornado was a brewing…but it only did its thing for like 10 minutes and it was over….Hmmm, sort of sounds like sex. :lol:

Celisea

June 27th, 2011
9:54 am

Morning,

Can you call it chemistry if it’s virtual? I believe typically when folks “click” before actually meeting, that it’s probably attributed to have commonalities.

Virtual meetings though aren’t my preference. I would much rather start off meeting a person and going from there. Things tend to get overstated or understated. Which can result in disappointment.

Celisea

June 27th, 2011
9:56 am

having…not have

I shouldn’t use the word click. I guess clicking and chemistry might fall along the same lines. Anyway, I don’t think folks can have “chemistry” per se from just talking. I think if the conversation flows folks become hopeful….maybe?

Breezy

June 27th, 2011
9:56 am

I think Charles Dickens said it best when he said, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”.

I’ve been drowning in the Internet dating pool for about a month. I think the best way to escape those Yuck! moments is to be honest and upfront – tell them immediately if there’s no chemistry then game over. My experiences have been comical at times; looks nothing like their pics, lied about their age, had personality of a 2″ x 4″, only looking for a hook-up, they were a 6″ shorter than me but their Profile said they were 6 foot tall, C-R-A-Z-Y, blah, blah, blah.

Personally, I’m looking for the fairtale (doesn’t have to be perfect but close). I’ve recently met a great guy and we connect physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. On the other hand I don’t do too bad finding potential “Matches” on my own via the regular haunts.

Breezy

June 27th, 2011
9:59 am

Sorry – “I’m looking for the fairytale”.

Celisea

June 27th, 2011
9:59 am

Besides, I like it the old fashioned way. Nothing gets my juices going more than catching somebody’s eye while in passing or just happenstance.

Dan - Simply...Superior

June 27th, 2011
10:00 am

@Slim

College Park, and that sucks enough

UGA1999

June 27th, 2011
10:02 am

Typically online dating is used for one thing….most of the time it is not dating but more of a hook up.

Dan - Simply...Superior

June 27th, 2011
10:04 am

@Breezy

A word of advice: looking for “the fairytale” or “the one” adds about 5 to 10 years to your search for a mate.

And, in the process, you miss the opportunity to meet and be with wonderful people that, while not your fantasy, are real and ready to be with you.

No one is perfect, nor close to it. Find someone that cares for you as you care for them because at the end of the day, that’s the tale worth living.

Or don’t. you know, whateverman

Breezy

June 27th, 2011
10:17 am

Dan –

I appreciate what you’re saying. My eyes are wide open, as is my heart. In no way am I looking for perfect because I’m not perfect. I guess my definition of a “fairytale” is a little different than most.

SexyCool

June 27th, 2011
10:22 am

FYI – To Susan and all other detractors, Wise is not a journalist. She is a blogger. She did not go to school for journalism. She is a bio-chemistry magna-something else really smart major. (Sorry, Wise for not remembering exactly.)

This blog is something that she does in what’s left of her free time.

Ass-holes…

For Real

June 27th, 2011
10:23 am

“But it only did its thing for like 10 minutes and it was over….Hmmm, sort of sounds like sex.” – Stop bragging Slim.

Breezy: For the record fairytales are not real. So you are searching for something that doesn’t exist. Connecting with someone is cool and all but use your head instead of your heart to make a determination about ole boy. After-all, how many times has your heart been right?

For Real

June 27th, 2011
10:25 am

Dayum Susan must sleep with her fist balled up. 6:30AM and angry???

SexyCool

June 27th, 2011
10:26 am

Online dating – been there, done that. It is much like meeting in person. Sometimes, it turns out to be a great experience. Sometimes, it’s an absolute disaster.

C’est la vie.

kimmie

June 27th, 2011
10:28 am

Morning All!

I know what Wise is talking about with the virtual chemistry, and it’s not just confined to online dating. In the past, I’ve have “phone” chemistry with someone I was getting to know, usually with long-distance relationships. When we met up, we didn’t seem to have as much to talk about. The excitement/chemistry didn’t seem to be there as much when we had to spend face-to-face time with each other. Bummer!

Just goes to show, you can FB, tweet, text, skype, phone, etc but nothing can substitute for real time together.

SlimNumeroUno

June 27th, 2011
10:29 am

For Real – I guess she didn’t get her full 10 minute session last night. You should’ve given her an extra 38 pumps.

DreamsMaterialize

June 27th, 2011
10:44 am

Morning

How do you know when the online chemistry is real and worth the effort to get a closer look?
You can ask this question about any venue. All dating is pretty much the same. The only real difference in the venues is your preference. You can meet a good person anywhere. Likewise for a loser.

Sassy Me...Pretty Young Thing :-)

June 27th, 2011
10:48 am

Sometimes, it turns out to be a great experience. Sometimes, it’s an absolute disaster.

I’ve tried it once and am skeptical about doing it again b/c it sooo didn’t go well. He was/is in the Army and seemed intelligent on line…and on the phone. He suggested a cute spot (Vine Libro) that I hadn’t been to so I was kinda excited about that until I saw what he was wearing. Call me shallow but I had on a cute summertime ensemble and he had on faded blue jeans with a matching fading t-shirt and some funky looking worn out leather shoes. I tried to overlook that and see the person instead but that was no better. After a while it became apparent he only wanted one thing and I wasn’t the one….so I decided that since I was already out with this buster I might as well eat good and have a few drinks on his dime. I never saw him after that but did share some words with him via email…nice friendly Sunday school words ;-)

Sassy Me...Pretty Young Thing :-)

June 27th, 2011
10:48 am

should’ve been *Vino Libro*

SlimNumeroUno

June 27th, 2011
10:48 am

Young family member, 27 marries guy, age 57…and is 3 months preggers… :shock: :???:

Sassy Me...Pretty Young Thing :-)

June 27th, 2011
11:05 am

:shock:

Dang Slim Nu….