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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Relationships: Do we improve for the next one?

You end one relationship and hopefully take some wisdom into the next one. What can we do avoid the same pitfalls that torpedoed the last relationship?

My friend Ben thinks his last relationship ended mainly because of his hectic new job that involved a lot of traveling. He believes that his new relationship will benefit from the lessons he learned about balancing work and home life.

Do you think you get to correct the wrong moves you made in past
relationships?

How have your dating and relationship experiences contributed to your personal growth?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

If your current significant other met you years ago do you think you would have been a good match for them?

286 comments Add your comment

Simple Man..

June 24th, 2011
8:24 am

Monring and Happy Friday!!!

I have literally spent YEARS in and out of relationships, trying to learn from my mistakes and attempting to garner tidbits of wisdom from situations that sometimes make no sense. For me, I apply this to All of my interactions, not just relationships with women….

Leggs

June 24th, 2011
8:33 am

Good morning…second place ain’t too bad!

Leggs

June 24th, 2011
8:34 am

Do you think you get to correct the wrong moves you made in past
relationships?

I sure hope so. If one doesn’t, then nothing was learned. You should learn something from all your relationship. How can you expect different results if you keep doing the same things?

SlimNumeroUno

June 24th, 2011
8:46 am

Good morning…

I will put a few dollars in Leggs’ tip cup for a co-sign. ;-)

Lovely Brown

June 24th, 2011
8:52 am

Good Morning and Happy Friday to all! :-)

I know that every relationship I had, even those that endly badly, I took something from it to help with the next one….

Leggs

June 24th, 2011
8:59 am

I’m going out for drinks tonight, SlimNU. That tip will help me tip the bartender (thank you).

Casual Observer

June 24th, 2011
9:00 am

This does not apply to me because I always do everything right…Now all I need is for just one woman to understand that point and all will be well in the dating world.

Fion

June 24th, 2011
9:01 am

“Do you think you get to correct the wrong moves you made in past
relationships? ”

A Man that thinks the same way at 45 as he did at 25, is a Man that has wasted 20 years.

SlimNumeroUno

June 24th, 2011
9:02 am

Leggs – No problemo. I’ll be packing for my mini-trip to the countryside of BAMA to see my granny. All of the grandkids decided we should all go down to visit my grandma, throw some food on the grill, eat, drink and be merry. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it since not many of us get down there that often.

SlimNumeroUno

June 24th, 2011
9:07 am

If my current situation doesn’t really work out, then i’ll probably just go the Bitter Black Woman route. I’m really going to have to pull from some past experiences to be able to drudge up enough anger to sustain me until my AARP years. Then the natural process of dementia should be enough to set me on a bitter-autopilot type situation where I’m just mad, angry and violent for no apparent reason other than because I can be. ;-)

Fion

June 24th, 2011
9:11 am

Slim- as you transform, what nights are you going to the Club so I can make sure skip those nights? :)

SlimNumeroUno

June 24th, 2011
9:21 am

Fion – Let’s not count the eggs before they hatch. I’m happy at the moment but if that time comes, I’ll email you my ‘Bitterness Tour’ dates ;-)

TenderRoni

June 24th, 2011
9:23 am

Mornings,

I would hope we try to improve and learn lessons to make us better for our next relationships.

Mr_NYC

June 24th, 2011
9:25 am

Good Morning. Slim that was funny.
Of course we learn and adjust as we move on, that’s called maturing. Otherwise it’s insanity – as the saying goes doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Leggs

June 24th, 2011
9:36 am

That is a beautiful thing, SlimNU. Cherish it!

Fion/SlimNu ~ both of you are sick pups. But, I like the concept “The Bitterness Tour.” I’d like to offer my services to you as a motivational speaker before you go on stage and reverse the concept of throwing eggs. It’s not cool for you to throw eggs at your audience!

Lovely Brown

June 24th, 2011
9:39 am

*ended…hell, it’s Friday :lol:

Slim- your ‘Bama trip sounds like good down home fun. I’ll pass on the ‘Bitterness Tour’ tho :-)

SlimNumeroUno

June 24th, 2011
9:39 am

Leggs – Well if i can’t throw eggs, how about shooting paintballs into the crowd? lol

Leggs

June 24th, 2011
9:42 am

chink

June 24th, 2011
9:42 am

I always say I am getting better in my selection process..I am always learning. I try not to carry excessive baggage thats why i give myself plenty of time to heal between relationships….

And I aint giving up if it takes forever to find the one so be it…but he is out there!

Leggs

June 24th, 2011
9:42 am

The visual is too funny!

SlimNumeroUno

June 24th, 2011
9:43 am

Lovely B – I’m looking forward to some good ole country chillin but i am NOT looking forward to the blood sucking mosquitos and wack phone service.

Leggs

June 24th, 2011
9:44 am

@chink ~ that’s an important element of growth going into the next relationship. Leave as much baggage at the trash site as you possibly can. Sure, we all have baggage, but if you really look at it, a lot of it can be discarded simply if you want to rid yourself of it. People tend to hold on to their “bitterness” as a crutch to justify whatever stupid antics they’re about to engage in. Let it go and let yourself grow!

Leggs

June 24th, 2011
9:45 am

@SlimNU ~ perhaps you can find some courier pigeons while there. :wink:

SlimNumeroUno

June 24th, 2011
9:45 am

Leggs – It’ll be paintballs filled with pigs blood. :lol:

Ark2011

June 24th, 2011
9:52 am

This is the topic? Oh well, have a great weekend everybody!

SlimNumeroUno

June 24th, 2011
9:52 am

Leggs – I’m going to go to a junk yard and see if I can find me one of those old school walkie talkie antennaes and attach it to the top of my blackberry. If that doesn’t work, I’ll throw a little piece of foil on the end of it. Courier pigeons would be a good idea but i’m afraid they would end up as dinner round those parts of the woods. They would be mistaken for Cornish hens :lol:

Ark2011

June 24th, 2011
9:52 am

Enter your comments here

Fion

June 24th, 2011
9:53 am

Wow! Slim I can see now. A 9 month 3 Continent tour.
Amy Winehouse, The Pu^..Cat Dolls (the ate it the 1st time). as qpenign Acts.
It will be BIGGER THAN BIG. It will be GIGANTIC……ENORMOUS…….

MC Hammock

June 24th, 2011
9:55 am

Getting all of my stuff out of the house and putting it in the new apartment starting at 5 PM today. Pretty stoked about being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, stay out as late as I want, etc. I had a spectacular time when I was single before and I’m positive it will be the same again.

Fion

June 24th, 2011
9:55 am

the blog ate it the 1st time, but i meant Opening Acts…..

Wifey

June 24th, 2011
9:57 am

Good morning everyone and let the weekend begin!

MCH, I guess I can speculate pretty accurately that you are now back in the game again. Fear not, it’s a wild and wooly place out there and you can make it as good as you want it. Good luck!

SlimNumeroUno

June 24th, 2011
9:59 am

Fion – I think I might want to add Ike Turner & Rosie O’donnel. They would be perfect for my Bitterness Tour. You keep on talking all these BIG things and I might just add you to my management team. I likes hows yous thanks lol

MC – Please put your toe in the water first before you just go jumping in all willy nilly. The game may have changed just a bit since you’ve been gone. Wouldn’t want to find you off bucket nekkid, in a ditch somewhere with no wallet, no apt keys and no toilet paper.

CoolShadow

June 24th, 2011
10:00 am

How have your dating and relationship experiences contributed to your personal growth?

Those experiences have contributed to my growth and maturity by simply living them and observing the interactions and outcomes. Unfortunately (or maybe not), the clearest view is often the one seen in retrospection. The real growth comes when you can look introspectively, particularly at the failures and missteps and not always assign blame to others and claim victimization when things fall apart.

MC Hammock

June 24th, 2011
10:00 am

Oh yes, Wifey. I am a single man again. Looking forward to it all, especially that first sloppy kiss I get. Haven’t had any different in 6 years now. Any ideas as to where to go to meet a festive bunch of people? I’d like to start out at an establishment that can also be referred to as a “meat market”….lol

Leggs

June 24th, 2011
10:00 am

@MC ~ you will probably feel refreshed and at the same time sad in the beginning. You will realize the quietness even more as time goes by. Just don’t go wang happy crazy because you can. You may find yourself scratching more than you want. But, all in all, you’ll probably love the peace. Nothing out there compares to peace at home and with self.

MC Hammock

June 24th, 2011
10:02 am

I’m hip, slim. I’m not niave to what’s out there. I was very active when I was single before and saw a lot of stuff go down. Looking forward to it all, actually.

Fion

June 24th, 2011
10:03 am

“I might just add you to my management team. I likes hows yous thanks’

“That’s what I’m talkin’ bout”. As Fion does the Moonwalk in the office!

MC Hammock

June 24th, 2011
10:03 am

Thanks Leggs. I concur. I am a little sad for leaving behind the relationship, but I just felt that it was going to happen sooner or later. I’m just glad I still some tread left on these tires.

Leggs

June 24th, 2011
10:06 am

Excellent way of putting it MC. I feel the same!

Lovely Brown

June 24th, 2011
10:07 am

Wow MCH, I can’t lie….I do wonder sometime what it would be like to be single. Happy trails to you! :-)

A single LB would be hell on a man….in a good way. :lol:

Dan - Simply...

June 24th, 2011
10:08 am

Such haitian

Why you gotta bring up scratching Leggs….

Let that grown man enjoy his freedom

DreamsMaterialize

June 24th, 2011
10:09 am

Morning
I try to avoid making the same mistakes twice. Sometimes it still happens though. The mistake many people make is that they think “learning” from their mistakes simply means choosing better the next time. That’s only a part of it though. Truly learning means assessing your own faults and deficiencies, admitting that you contributed to the failure of the relationship. Once you acknowledge those things, then you can focus on self-improvement, which will inevitably lead to better selection.

chink

June 24th, 2011
10:10 am

Unfortunately (or maybe not), the clearest view is often the one seen in retrospection. The real growth comes when you can look introspectively, particularly at the failures and missteps and not always assign blame to others and claim victimization when things fall apart.

Agree!

Leggs

June 24th, 2011
10:11 am

Because I can, Mr. Dan. We are a blog family and we dispense well wishes, cautions, congrats, buyer beware all day everyday…that’s why, Mr. Dan!

Simple Man

June 24th, 2011
10:13 am

MCH, As a way to celebrate your new freedom, (and get some good food) You should go to Pappaduex on Jimmy Carter…Get there around 7 or 8, and there will be lots of really beautiful women to socialize with….

MC Hammock

June 24th, 2011
10:17 am

I’m right down the street fro Pappaduex. I’m up on Buford Drive right at I-85. Tonight will be hard as I have a TON of moving to do. Couches, TV’s, Beds, furniture, mirrors for the ceiling over my bed, tripod video recorder…..lol

Just kiddin, folks…

kimmie

June 24th, 2011
10:22 am

Morning All and happy Friday!!

The biggest lesson I learned is how to choose better. Seemed each relationship was better than the last, until I met THE ONE.

I appreciate the experiences, the good and the not-so-great. It was/is all a part of this thing called life. As for making me the woman I am today, I give more credit to others in my life, like my parents and teachers and leaders in my community that I respected. My education, travels and other life experiences. I don’t recall any past dudes I dealt with romantically having that profound enough affect on me. I will say that my husband consistently makes me want to be BETTER. He makes me feel that whatever I dream of doing, he & the kids have my back. He makes me want to not just sit around dreaming, but actually get out there and DO! He said he doesn’t want any regrets and will not be content just sitting on the sidelines!

That’s inspiring!

Ark2011

June 24th, 2011
10:24 am

MCH, congratulations, bro! What you really need is a “breaking in” session for that apartment. Say blond hair, blue eyes, 36C-24-36 and a very lusty mind set. I’m sure you’re already planning that sort….LMAO

Purple Rain

June 24th, 2011
10:25 am

If you make the same mistakes twice you did not learn the first time so you are bound to more than likely keep repeating. Would the current have dated me years ago…probably she knew me growing up. LOL

MCH, enjoy your new life.

Slim, part of being in the country is being OUT of cell phone range and enjoying it. You don’t have any kids or pets do you? Tell your man, that you will be out of range and really just enjoy your family!

Leggs, Slim, ITL and the rest of you ladies from last evening…..good to NOT smell you this morning.

Trevor0529

June 24th, 2011
10:25 am

Good Morning,

@MCH, first off congratulations?? (I got that a lot when my divorce was final). I agree with Leggs. Enjoy the peace and quiet. Socialize when you want to socialize. Don’t force yourself to do things you are not ready to do.