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Are your exes keeping you single?

When you decide not to cut all communication with your ex, you run the risk of sending the wrong message to the new person in your life.

I have never had a guy ask me outright which of my guy friends are former hook ups. I would hope I answer honestly but I wonder if it would become a real issue.

A friend of mine told me that he stopped calling a woman he met because she seemed to have too many friends that were exes. Even though he is a reasonable dude, he picked up on something when she was around these guy friends.

I thought he should let her know! Maybe she didn’t realize her so-called guy friend were sending a “you know I tapped that before
right?” kind of vibe – I’m just saying, she could oblivious.

Do you think your sexy single, platonic friends are a reason things don’t progress with potential dates/mates? Have you ever been told you have way too many “we’re just friends”- friends?

Have you ever met someone with countless friendships with their exes? Did it bother you?

Should your past relationship status with a friend be disclosed to the new person in your life?

465 comments Add your comment

M. (pronouced M dot)

June 23rd, 2011
7:40 am

Good day…

My friend says most of her guy friends are ex’s….whether these are genuine friendships or a way for her to keep tabs on them and their lives is debatable…

I think the problem is a lot of people like the attention from a ex and from someone new. I also think thats why a lot of people cant have relationship success because rather than focus on one person, they are trying to juggle 2 people.

Guys mainly dont want to be in the dark, therefore if there is a guy in the picture a lot, it would be courteous to be honest with the guy and let him know if there was history there. This way, he can be in the loop and decide if he wants to be around when this guy is around.

Ark2011

June 23rd, 2011
8:15 am

Oh….as far as the random summer hookup/fling, as of last night I’m on the board. WINNING!

Dan - Simply...

June 23rd, 2011
8:24 am

Look,

She can have friends that are -ex whatever’s and it don’t matter. The D ain’t never been knocked for my main chick, and it’ll never happen.

So why worry?

Dude... (pronouced Dude)

June 23rd, 2011
8:42 am

In general, a woman with a lot of guy friends sends up a red flag that she’s a catty slutty bitch… Why else would she surround herself with guys? (Because we don’t care about all that drama and we do chest bumps) If a woman doesn’t have any girlfriends that means she shuts herself off when things get controversial like stealing boyfriends, fitting into a size zero dress when her friends are all big 6’s, and argues “Tammy didn’t invite me to susan party when she knows I love spinach wraps”… Instead she would rather point her ankles towards the ceiling with guy after guy. And she’s afraid of committment…

Is this really what single people are blaming their status on??? Exes???

Leggs

June 23rd, 2011
8:48 am

Good morning!

Laughing at the pronunciation. Cute

I’m friends with my ex because he’s my child’s father. No need to be an enemy and keep strife stirring!

UGA1999

June 23rd, 2011
8:51 am

Never burn bridges….someday they may lead you home.

Leggs

June 23rd, 2011
8:56 am

Very true, UGA, very true!

SlimNumeroUno - Check out my fried kool-aid smile :-D

June 23rd, 2011
8:59 am

Good gloomy morning to yall!

I would be a bit concerned if many of the female friends of my beau were exes. I’m sure he may talk to some of them from time to time but if they were chatting often that would be a red flag to me.

Fringe

June 23rd, 2011
9:08 am

I think this is absolutely true but, not for the reasons listed above. If the lady has a lot of contact with her exes then I question her emotional availability. I see the ex as the emotional crutch in case the current relationship isn’t as fun and exciting as the woman thought it would be. Another factor is familiarity. They are familiar with their ex and know what to expect.

The ex is an ex for a reason, remember? Keep hanging on….I’ll keep walking.

Leggs

June 23rd, 2011
9:09 am

@UGA ~ you got a little brow beating yesterday!

Dan - Simply...

June 23rd, 2011
9:12 am

@Fringe

If “[an] ex is an ex for a reason” wouldn’t you trust her not to use them as “emotional crutches” until given a reason not to?

I’m saying, having ex’s as friends is not an issue until it is, folks quick to jump out the boat at the first sign of water (even when it’s rain)

UGA1999

June 23rd, 2011
9:13 am

Leggs…I am a big boy I can handle it….

Simple Man..

June 23rd, 2011
9:14 am

Morning fam!!! I try as hard as I can to end relationships on the best terms possible. Because of this, I still have alot of friend that I have been involved with. The key is to make sure that all of the boundries going forward are respected.

SlimNumeroUno - Check out my fried kool-aid smile :-D

June 23rd, 2011
9:16 am

folks quick to jump out the boat at the first sign of water (even when it’s rain)

I’d like to think i’m the type of person who would be quick to throw on a poncho, a hat and then share my umbrella with the SO until the storm passed. ;-)

Dan - Simply...

June 23rd, 2011
9:22 am

Dan - Simply...

June 23rd, 2011
9:24 am

I get that people are cautious of “red flags”, but I swear I hear folks make mountains out of molehills behind some isht someone else had did before.

I had to tell my girl (and her family members) about it too.

SlimNumeroUno - Check out my fried kool-aid smile :-D

June 23rd, 2011
9:29 am

Dan – Now why’d you go and do that…Now I wish I was back in the bed listening to the rain falling with The Beau lol

Leggs

June 23rd, 2011
9:30 am

No doubt, UGA! We probably all have been beaten up a time or two. None of us walk away with our tail between our legs!

UGA1999

June 23rd, 2011
9:34 am

Leggs…..I just think it is funny when people on this blog attempt to make judgements about people they have never met and probably never will.

Leggs

June 23rd, 2011
9:38 am

One of the reasons why so many have left.

UGA1999

June 23rd, 2011
9:40 am

Leggs….dont blame them. This blog is mostly AA correct?

Leggs

June 23rd, 2011
9:43 am

Why you ask?

UGA1999

June 23rd, 2011
9:43 am

Just asking…..

SlimNumeroUno

June 23rd, 2011
9:46 am

UGA – Please tell us what made you ask that question. We get that question posed on several ocassions and I never really know why or what difference it would make.

Leggs

June 23rd, 2011
9:49 am

Exactly, SlimNu!

@UGA, you’re asking for a reason. Is there some sort of a sterotype you think the blog adheres to?

Into the Light

June 23rd, 2011
9:53 am

Good morning, all!

UGA1999

June 23rd, 2011
9:53 am

Leggs….dont assuem anything. I used to come on this blog a while back and it was mostly black then. Just wondering if it still is. Why are you guys getting so defensive……WOW.

SlimNumeroUno

June 23rd, 2011
9:54 am

And, if you really think about it, we’re ALL black. I don’t see any colored monikers that coincide with our race. lol So how does it feel to know be AA UGA?

SlimNumeroUno

June 23rd, 2011
9:54 am

Not defensive…just curious as you were ;-)

Leggs

June 23rd, 2011
9:56 am

I’m not assuming anything! How is asking a question becoming defensive? You asked, I wondered why you ask and posed the question?

Nothing more, nothing less!

Fringe

June 23rd, 2011
9:56 am

@Dan – Simply…

It depends. If this is a person I am in a longstanding relationship with then yes. If two people are into each other then they will want to spend time together. Sometimes one person is more involved than the other and running back to an ex will certainly send up a red flag.

SlimNumeroUno

June 23rd, 2011
9:57 am

now be, not know be (sorry, I slipped into my native ebonic language. Please excuse) :lol: i kid

M. (pronouced M dot)

June 23rd, 2011
9:57 am

Question for everyone, if you were dating someone new and really into them and they requested that you not contact your ex’s because it made them uncomfortable, would you comply? There really isnt a way to track if you are complying so this would be based on the honor system.

UGA1999

June 23rd, 2011
9:59 am

Slim….funny.

Leggs

June 23rd, 2011
9:59 am

@UGA ~ like someone said yesterday, they recognized your style and figured you were a regular.

Purple Rain

June 23rd, 2011
10:00 am

I more than likely would not get involved from the start with a woman how was freind with her exes…So I would not know the ins and outs of it.

UGA, what “guys” are getting defensive “WOW” the only person you were talking to was Legss and she just asked you why you thought that. Seems like you are defensive yourself….oh yeah I am not AA or White. This blog is a melting pot, what race are you? IF stated before I missed it and would hate to assume

Fion

June 23rd, 2011
10:00 am

Quit playin’.
Any ex staying that tight in the Loop is there for one purpose ONLY!
‘Break Glass and Pull Rope in case of Emergency.”
He or She knows it, signed up for it and is on board.

Leggs

June 23rd, 2011
10:01 am

“There really isnt a way to track if you are complying so this would be based on the honor system.” Really???

UGA1999

June 23rd, 2011
10:01 am

PR…..caucasian

Into the Light

June 23rd, 2011
10:02 am

“One of the reasons why so many have left.”

I wonder if the (sometimes) clique-ish atmosphere is another. Please don’t read me wrong; Leggs, you were welcoming and included me in the conversation from the get go. And Slim, I always enjoy blogging with you. But there are others that either ignore or make snide remarks if you’re not a “regular”. IJS…

UGA1999

June 23rd, 2011
10:03 am

ITL…..Agreed.

Simple Man..

June 23rd, 2011
10:03 am

M. I might have a problem with the senario you presented at 9:57….I would have as big a problem with them trying to tell me who to be cool with as they would thinking about what I use to do with an ex….

SexyCool

June 23rd, 2011
10:04 am

Why would you ask someone that? Really….

I have remained sociable with some of my exes, but none of them are a part of my social circle. I have a big enough circle of besties and other friends. Plus I’ve got enough going on in my life – the number one thing being my focus on TheDude – that I don’t have any interest nor the time to be hanging out with dudes that I used to date.

Simple Man..

June 23rd, 2011
10:05 am

****ding,ding,ding**** On ITL’s 10:02 :)

Leggs

June 23rd, 2011
10:05 am

And I’m not assuming this, but most of knew you were caucasian!

SlimNumeroUno

June 23rd, 2011
10:06 am

ITL – Well, some folks have chosen to maintain a certain lane….just like 75/85 has the HOV lane, this blog has a lane for Sheit starters, a lane for trolls, one for Cooooomedy, amongst others. And so far as I know, i’m the only one in the CT lane :lol:

UGA1999

June 23rd, 2011
10:07 am

Leggs….how?

Leggs

June 23rd, 2011
10:08 am

@ITL ~ yes, the clickish nature of the blog turned many off. And, many many times posts are ignored by folk. If it’s not directed at a particular person, most times people probably read the post, feel it’s your thought and k.i.m. Not all posts gets attention. That’s just the nature of the beast.

kimmie

June 23rd, 2011
10:09 am

Morning All!

The ole “friends with exes” subject!LOL!! Personally, unless you have a child with an ex, like Leggs, what is the real need to keep contact with them? I mean, such contact that it causes strife in a new relationship? And I’m not talking about overly jealous new relationships – that’s a whole nother topic. I’m not saying you need to be hostile or cross the street if you see an ex. If you live in the same city and run in the same social circles you are bound to run into each other. No problem with being cordial.

But really, beyond situations like that, why would you need to keep your little harem? Make the new person uncomfortable? Why?

I’d like to think I am a very secure person. But a gentleman I was involved with in the past took pride that he was still good friends with all his exes. No problem, except it seemed like a few of them he took pride in kind of throwing up in my face whenever possible. One he said he had had an especially strong physical connection to, he would meet up with when she came to town, and she was married. I didn’t say much but it did put a damper on things. I think it really bothered him when I cut off all ties when we broke up. He got married soon after that anyway, so what was the need to keep calling me?

How can you move forward when you are still hanging on to the past? I just don’t get the need to bring in issues.

SexyCool

June 23rd, 2011
10:09 am

ITL – I am an equal opportunity smart ass. (lol)

UGA – Anything I post is an opinion. Is an opinion a judgement? Perhaps. But either way, I am certain that you changed nothing in your life today because of the statements that I made yesterday.

Besides, opinions are like @ssholes – everyone has one or is one. (And probably more often than I should be, I am one. lol)