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Do bossy women get married?

My friend Allen is dating a smart woman who runs her own company. Allen seems to be really impressed with her now but she told them if they met 5 years ago, he probably would have run for the hills.

She admitted that before they met, she was a real piece of work – very strong-willed, opinionated, and well bossy. She finally realized this was not serving her well on the dating scene. According to her, bossy women don’t get asked out – and few end up with the men they want.

Once she started to find a balance, she noticed a big difference in the type of men she met and attracted. This makes me think about the fine line single women often have to worry about: bossy versus confident. Men love confident women! A confident woman who is too bossy? Well, let’s just say some men view them as a challenge – others think of them as the type to avoid.

Ladies, have you found it difficult or challenging to project your confidence without appearing overconfident or bossy? Is it a good idea to to tone it down when you meet someone new? Would that be misleading?

Guys do you believe that some women can really be attractive while being confident and bossy? Do you think women should balance it more so they don’t send the wrong message?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

321 comments Add your comment

BIL

June 22nd, 2011
8:30 am

Confident, sure. Bossy? Depends if they can find a wimp like my brother… gah, I hate my sister in law.

MC Hammock

June 22nd, 2011
8:31 am

A confident woman is very sexy. A bossy woman is someone to avoid. You can state your opinion and/or view, but understand that just because we don’t follow your point of view, it’s not a question of your intelligence and maybe….just maybe…there is another way to skin the cat. The same goes for men. It doesn’t have to be YOUR way all of the time. There is such a thing as compromise and debate.

Battery Operated

June 22nd, 2011
8:31 am

Dont find them attractive at all.. Im quite sure they know its a turn off..

Ark2011

June 22nd, 2011
8:34 am

I’ve noticed that some women give you two options. 1) Do it my way 2) “Just go ahead and do whatever you want!” Number two is said with a frown, shaling her head and with her arms crossed in front of her. In other words “You go ahead and do whatever you want, but you’re going to pay for this.”

Realist

June 22nd, 2011
8:36 am

Bossy is often a defense mechanism used by humans of both genders to avoid intimacy, and to keep from getting hurt. There is often a layer of control issues associated with it.

Not only is it not attractive, but it is a warning sign that the person may not be emotionally prepared or capable for a serious relationship.

In men it comes out as being aggressive, violent, or controlling. In women it is bossy or nagging. Same thing.

Run. Find someone with fewer serious issues, but to do that you have to make sure your own issues are in check first.

Big Un

June 22nd, 2011
8:38 am

Confident women lead and can also receive advise. This is most admirable and sexy. Bossy women bark like a terrier at any situation and never stop telling you what to do and how to do it. They also tell you how dumb you were for ever thinking that any other way in the first place.

Chris

June 22nd, 2011
8:39 am

Confident is fine. A quiet strength and confidence is even better. If you have to beat your chest about how a strong a woman you are you probably aren’t. Bossy women aren’t attractive at all. There can only be one man in a relationship. Only one woman can tell me what to do and that’s my mother. Some women may be capable at work but I’ve found in a relationship their skills are sorely lacking.

UGA1999

June 22nd, 2011
8:40 am

Bossy women get divorced! Quickly.

DairyMan

June 22nd, 2011
8:40 am

Now if she is being bossy with “Get in here, take your clothes off and make me scream your name!”…..I like that kind of bossy…..

Steven Q. Stanley

June 22nd, 2011
8:49 am

If you over 30 and never married, let me say again, there is something wrong with you. And it most likely isn’t physical, ugly people get married all the time.

It’s probably one of two reasons. The first is you are too picky. You speak about Prince Charming and Mr. Right a lot, and you’ll never find him, because unless you get sucked into a Julia Roberts movie form the 90s, these people don’t exist. Plenty of good men out there, but you’ve chosen to ignore them because you have unrealistic expectations of a partner.

The second is bossiness, bitchiness, whatever you want to call it, it means you like to nag, you never shut up, and you are all around unbearable to be around. There is nothing wrong with being a confident woman, and you certainly shouldn’t let a man walk all over you, but you can be a reasonable person who isn’t constantly nagging her man about every little thing.

Bossiness is a top contributor to dying alone.

One Love

June 22nd, 2011
8:49 am

Heck…I was married to a controlling bossy woman for a real long time and through marriage counseling & therapy, it was revealed that she was simply insecure and tried her best to control every aspect of our lives through her bossy and controlling ways….I say run for the hills as I did and unfortunately, I waited until my kid was off to college before we divorced….now I enjoy a healthy relationship with a woman who is confident and is in control of herself. Now that is what I find attractive; not the nagging bossy woman…as they say “when people show you who they are, believe them”

Doophus

June 22nd, 2011
8:50 am

Yes, they get married. For awhile.

Harold

June 22nd, 2011
8:50 am

Confident is way better than bossy, but the real message is to be yourself. If a bossy gal is acting better just to meet someone it will eventually wear off. Unless you are making a real personality change, be yourself and look for someone who likes and accepts that part of you.

NG

June 22nd, 2011
8:52 am

Women who are bossy are annoying and miserable to be around. And like 99 said, they get divorced. Confidence and happiness are the most important. Bossy is like you’re in mini boot camp. I lived through one and thankfully never married but I notice she’s been divorced twice!

Wifey

June 22nd, 2011
8:53 am

I wouldn’t call myself bossy, but I do state my opinions. You have to know when to stand your ground and when to consider alternative options. I’ll never, ever be described as a door mat.

The Bosses Wife

June 22nd, 2011
8:53 am

I let him think he Is running it. But trust when
I speak its like EF Hutton….

Meerkat

June 22nd, 2011
8:54 am

Regardless of gender, I don’t think most people want to be with someone who is bossy.

Big Un

June 22nd, 2011
8:59 am

Bossy women are similar to the DEMANDING woman who thinks that her standard of things should be the norm for you and her. Whether it’s restaurants, clothes, vacations or even sex, she somehow has decided that she is “worth” the trouble, expense and won’t tolerate anything less. Sure, you can certainly be WORTH the trouble, but ask yourself, what do YOU bring into the equation that I may find so worthwhile? If you even put “I’m beautiful and could have anyone I want” anywhere in the reasoning, you just lost me and good bye.

OneWoman

June 22nd, 2011
8:59 am

It needs to be a balance. You should be confident in yourself enough to allow your partner to share their opinions and make decisions together. Respect him enough to allow him to express his opinions even if they differ from your own. This trait is a strength not a weakness.

DeeDeBee

June 22nd, 2011
9:00 am

DairyMan you are a HOOT! Realist you are speaking the truth about so many of my SINGLE friends. They have to over compensate so as not to appear weak. The quiet strength and confidence that Chris spoke of is indeed sexy!

Dan - Simply...

June 22nd, 2011
9:01 am

@Realist – I don’t agree

while you underlying assessment is entirely on point, running, is not a viable solution. You drew an incorrect conclusion.

Everyone you meet has issues. Whether defined, treated, or untreated, everyone has something from either their past (or present) that causes them anxiety. If the only problem with the person you choose to date is their habit of being “bossy”, consider yourself lucky my friend.

But to conclude that there are less serious issues than a psychological defensive mechanism that manifests itself as “bossy” and therefore one should “run”, strikes me as impulsive idealism (itself a defensive mechanism).

Ark2011

June 22nd, 2011
9:02 am

Naaah…after being married, I’ve decided that if you want to live permenantly with someone that loves you, will do anything for you just because of that love, won’t nag or complain….get a dog. It’s a lot less stressful.

Peaches

June 22nd, 2011
9:03 am

Yep, we sure do get married! In our 40 years of married life, he has calmed me down some and I’ve jazzed him up. His family was a quiet, sedate, sweet bunch and mine has always been loud, busy, silly, and forever doing something. I think he fell in love with the family first and then me. We have a marriage that brings the best of both families together and are looking forward to many more years. It takes work, patience (lots and lots of that), an open heart, and a willingness to realize it might not be so easy to stay together. We’ve made it work very well.

It might have helped that I’ve always worked in non-traditional jobs, taught shop & drafting over 30 years and had mostly male friends. He was the only male teacher at a rural elementary school and had mostly female friends. Neither of us ever had any reason to be jealous as our circle of friends was the same, wide circle.

Reio

June 22nd, 2011
9:05 am

Once I Determine That A woman Is Bossy, I Leave. Find Someone Else.

roughrider

June 22nd, 2011
9:06 am

I would imagine bossy women have a higher divorce rate.

The Wife

June 22nd, 2011
9:06 am

As someone who speaks her opinion, sometimes being confident is taken as being bossy, as a single parent I raised my daughter to be a confident, well established, responsible married adult. I decided not to get married until I was in my 40’s and love being married. Just because someone elects to not get married in their 30’s doesn’t mean there is something wrong with them.

Dukester

June 22nd, 2011
9:06 am

@BIL you pretty much summed it up. I hated my brother’s ex myself. When I got a chance to curse her I blasted her. She called my mom’s house on a holiday all of the family was over having a good time. She wanted my brother to leave. She refused to come inside with us. She sat outside in the car and called my mom’s house phone. I anwsered she thought it was my brother. She said “I thought I told you to come out of there!” I blasted her and told my mom and sister’s they pressured him to leave her alone because she was crazy.
The final straw was her spitting in his face and daring her to hit him! She stated” I dare you to hit me because you know you are law enforcement”

Tenacious Tee

June 22nd, 2011
9:08 am

Ladies….learn the meaning of submission and you won’t have to deal with being considered “bossy.” Men….learn the meaning of “confident” because we often get categorized wrongfully.

dan

June 22nd, 2011
9:10 am

Coming of age in the 60’s and dealing with women’s liberation was confusing to a lot of men. Since we men thrive on respect our identities became muddled for many of us as we were bombarded with the constant “evils” of masculinity. The things that form the core of masculinity…courage, determination, boldness and leadership were demonized causing many men to think the same as wowen pre-lib days did about themselves, that there was something inherently wrong with themselves.

While I am all for gender equality some women just don’t “get it” about what makes a man tick. Perhaps some men will live with a bossy woman for their own reasons, but I doubt that he will function as a man is meant to, nor will there be a proper order in their relationship, home and marraige.

Being a Christian the role of man emulating Christ’s is challenging. Humility, service and viewing others more important than himself, or better put serving others and laying down his desires for the good of his wife and family become respect-earners for a man in a commited relationship. In turn a spouse respects and honors him. It is mutual submission…no one person dominates, rather encourages the other to flourish through love and respect.

That is a tall order requiring maintenance and the model of Christ as their vision. It is a three-fold chord making it an even stronger bond, not easily broken. This type of relationship is rare outside of a Christ-centered home.

AlreadySheared

June 22nd, 2011
9:11 am

You have backwards – married women get bossy.

Leggs

June 22nd, 2011
9:12 am

Good morning! I agree with you, one love. Most bossy women are probably insecure in some form of fashion.

I’m with you, Wifey. I’m confident in that I state my opinions. You don’t have to agree with them, but I’m going to state them. I have no problem agreeing to disagree. I’m not going to ram my beliefs down your throat so to speak.

Celisea

June 22nd, 2011
9:13 am

Morning,

Just listen at all the whiners. Gheesh

Dan - Simply...

June 22nd, 2011
9:14 am

Kanye has a line “do you have power enough to give power away”?

Is a variation of the Sun Tsu theme of ‘appearing weak’, but profound nonetheless.

abc

June 22nd, 2011
9:17 am

I don’t think that ‘confident’ and ‘bossy’ are different degrees of the same or similar things. Bossy is tough to tolerate from anybody, regardless gender. To me, though, a bossy chick is a turnoff, I wouldn’t hang around.

I’d think that a chick that would characterize herself as being bossy is probably insufferably so to everyone else.

T.O

June 22nd, 2011
9:18 am

nothing worse in a relationship then dealing with a bossy woman. Get out now before its too late. Only bad things can happen!

Purple Rain

June 22nd, 2011
9:19 am

I like confident women, I like bossy women….they are strong. I’m the man in the relationship and that is never challenged. My wife is bossy and confident, but I know how to “keep her inline” (please don’t take that out of context) Actually I would not entertain a woman who was not bossy, but that’s just what I like.

Reio

June 22nd, 2011
9:21 am

You’re A Wimp, Purple Rain.

Lisa

June 22nd, 2011
9:23 am

Steven: “The second is bossiness, bitchiness, whatever you want to call it, it means you like to nag, you never shut up, and you are all around unbearable to be around. There is nothing wrong with being a confident woman, and you certainly shouldn’t let a man walk all over you, but you can be a reasonable person who isn’t constantly nagging her man about every little thing.”

“Bossiness is a top contributor to dying alone”

I couldn’t agree with you more….I am a woman and I hear the way my counter parts speak to their men and the way they “bark” at them and it make me want to leave, and I’m not a man. Women should take another approach to their conversations with these men and prephaps the relationship will improve. Women who nag men don’t realize this is not they way to go, but it is the way to get the man to leave and not look back.

Dan - Simply...

June 22nd, 2011
9:23 am

@dan

That 9:10 takes some people a lifetime of mistakes, study, and more mistakes to get.

Respect my man, respect

Purple Rain

June 22nd, 2011
9:26 am

Furthermore, if your woman is constantly ‘bossy” towards you…she doesn’t respect, trust or feel secure in your care. Who is to blame for that, I mean you knew what you were getting into from the start.

UGA1999

June 22nd, 2011
9:27 am

Bossy women have issues.

Into the Light

June 22nd, 2011
9:27 am

Good morning, all!

I’m not bossy, but I am strong-willed and have strong opinions. Those happen to be two qualities that I admire in a man, as well. It makes for richer discussions and, quite frankly, I’d rather be with a man who feels passionately about his beliefs than one who is passionate about nothing. For me, the key is for both of us to disagree agreeably.

Dan - Simply...

June 22nd, 2011
9:28 am

And let’s clear this up: being ‘confident’, ’stating your opinion’, or even ‘being strong willed’ is not the same thing as ‘bossy’.

‘Bossy’ is the habit, desire, and attempts to control situations by ordering people to conform to your idea of reality.

Now ’stating your opinion’, being ‘confident’ or ’strong willed’ and not know how/when to listen and consider other opinions (esp. that of your supposed significant other (SO)) – that’s just hard headed, contrary, and stubborn.

lisa

June 22nd, 2011
9:34 am

One Name …….KATE GOSLIN!!!

Purple Rain

June 22nd, 2011
9:34 am

You have to admit that some weak men will interpret a strong confident woman as being “bossy” and on the other side…some women are just “bossy” …usually they are raise as a single child in a single parent household.

Into the Light

June 22nd, 2011
9:36 am

@Lisa: I can’t STAND her!!

UGA1999

June 22nd, 2011
9:39 am

Lisa….Ok THAT was funny!

Dan - Simply...

June 22nd, 2011
9:39 am

@PR

Nope. There are men that like to be told what to do – characterizing/calling them ‘weak’ is an arbitrary distinction and an inherent judgment on a person’s character with limited information.

And, single parent households don’t raise a ‘type’ of person, people are who they are.

UGA1999

June 22nd, 2011
9:40 am

There are some men that like to be dominated.

BlackMagicWoman-NYC

June 22nd, 2011
9:43 am

UH….Mr. Stanley….hate to burst your bubble. But just because someone is over 30 and never married could also mean, they want to be mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially ready to be married and stay married. They are not rushing to do so because some idiotic social stigma is telling them that 30 is the cut off for normalcy and that they are ph*cktards for not adhering to what “they” say is the set standard! And did it ever occur to you that not everybody sees marriage as something they want? Not every woman is dying to be wed and knocked up!

Oh an newsflash…unless you were a part of a multiple birth, you were born alone and you will die alone! So, your point is?????

PURPLE…get over here and do me! :lol: I just had to make you laugh early this morning!

Tenacious….submission is NOT in my vocabulary…unless we put NOT in front of it. Submisison is for spineless twits who prefer to be doormats rather than put on their big girl/boy undies!