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Summer flings

Even though it’s been crazy hot for weeks, today is officially the first day of summer! It’s not exactly “boo” season – single people are enjoying their freedom – a lot.

From beach parties, patio pimpin’ (it’s a thing), and scantily clad beautiful people – conditions are ripe for the casual hook ups aka flings with no strings.

It’s interesting because a lot of relationships are hot and heavy by the holidays when we meet those supposed “summer flings.” These are those casual encounters that we claim don’t mean anything; so there are no expectations, no drama – just fun. Right, summer fling fun…and apparently, this is the best way to start a relationship!

Do you think summer flings are a good idea? Have you ever had one?

Have you ever had a summer fling that developed into a full-fledged romance? Do you think it had anything to do with the pressure free approach?

If you are only interested in a fling, how do you let the other person know that? How can you say it without sounding like a player?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

390 comments Add your comment

Willie Dynamite

June 21st, 2011
1:54 pm

Slim – We had to get permission as well. My Mom was like “if thats what they want you to read then thats what yo azz gon read”. I was like do you know what it’s about and the story? Got the Evil Side eye, knew it was time to take the slip and dip.

ITL – Now I take it as a writer using the readers to make a point. Then I took it literally. I still think that its above the head of most young Teenagers. The story is too layered and deep to just say read and do a report. It bears a thorough discussion with someone capable of understanding the dynamics. just my opinion.

Dan - Simply...

June 21st, 2011
1:58 pm

I actually have a faux parchment papered body copy of Shakespeare from college – I get down on Hamlet when I have the time.

Into the Light

June 21st, 2011
1:59 pm

@WillieD: Agree that “The story is too layered and deep to just say read and do a report. It bears a thorough discussion with someone capable of understanding the dynamics”. Unfortunately, I don’t know that you will find that thorough discussion in today’s classrooms, for a variety of reasons.

Purple Rain

June 21st, 2011
2:00 pm

See, that’s an example of when you should keep your mouth shut. Why even tell the guy you used a toy in the first place? If you were not interested why even mention…should have just shut him down when he asked. That is sending mixed signals.

Blackfoote, we usually let one get close to whatever he is ever stalking so that the other ones are drawn out of hiding then we fire.

Blackfoote

June 21st, 2011
2:02 pm

LL411:
Do you want a boy toy? Do you discarded them like old toys. Some men will prefer to be that if you let them.

Into the Light

June 21st, 2011
2:03 pm

@PR- One could make the argument that telling him she didn’t need a human to meet her needs WAS shutting him down. He chose to see it as a challenge. IJS….

Purple Rain

June 21st, 2011
2:05 pm

Off Topic: I just got Jill Scotts new album off of iTunes. Very nice so far.

Purple Rain

June 21st, 2011
2:06 pm

ITL, what was wrong with her telling him that she was not interested? Did she owe him an answer and a descriptive one at that?

Blackfoote

June 21st, 2011
2:09 pm

Into the Light:
You can’t shut someone down by getting them aroused…..LOL

Purple Rain

June 21st, 2011
2:09 pm

Chalk that under TMI and when keeping it real goes wrong. What women in her right mind will talk about her “toy” with a guy who is interested in her and not expect for him to say something about giving her the real thing. That is about as silly as a no touch policy at a strip club…don’t want me to touch well don’t put it in my face. LOL

SexyCool

June 21st, 2011
2:10 pm

I’m with P-lito. At the point that he fessed up, it would have been date/game over for me. No use wasting anymore of my life than necessary with a loser.

Celisea

June 21st, 2011
2:12 pm

Honestly, if he would have said (even after the fact) that oh by the way I gotta a live-in, that would have ended it right then and there. Nothing further to talk about. It’s VERY easy to encourage nodogooders. The less said the better. A 3rd butt burned…

Leggs

June 21st, 2011
2:13 pm

I have to agree with you PR. Talking about the toy, invited him in with the same lame line any dude would have used.

Willie Dynamite

June 21st, 2011
2:14 pm

ITL – I agree with your 1:59. Are you an avid reader/writer? But thats not a topic to discuss here. I like the segue into S E X talk better. Looks like you have the interrogation light shining and cigarette smoke blowing in your face. Can you handle it?

Purple Rain

June 21st, 2011
2:15 pm

Sexy Cool, she wanted the attention…toys can’t hold you back or take out the garbage.

If I tell you I have a woman and you say anything else to me after that besides “Leave me alone”(and hang up/walk off) or something like that. I am going to think you are interested. LOL

Leggs

June 21st, 2011
2:16 pm

And I say that because the mere mention of “toy” instantly puts a visual in a man’s mind and now he wants a chance at replacing that toy with the real thing. Why even give the man an added chance of visualizing you nekkid? Ok, perhaps some do and some don’t.

SexyCool

June 21st, 2011
2:16 pm

ITL – as to the guy you found out was married, I would have had some choice words for him.

Willie Dynamite

June 21st, 2011
2:17 pm

In my Bill Duke voice (Shiny Bald Head and all)

“you know you done fugged up”

Purple Rain

June 21st, 2011
2:17 pm

Leggs, your 2:13. I was about to deny it, but as I thought about it. If a woman said something to me about using a toy….yeah I would have made a similar comment as well. LOL

Purple Rain

June 21st, 2011
2:20 pm

Seriously, he told her he live with a woman and then she stayed around so she welcomed it.

This took place after he said he had a live in:
“Anyhoo, he asked “where’s you man”, I don’t have one at the moment. Convo went from 0 – 100 mph… well what do you do???? I told him I pull my toy out LOL. Now he’s texting me to see if he can replace my “toy” Man, please!”

SexyCool

June 21st, 2011
2:21 pm

It’s weird, but it wasn’t until after my split with Shthead that I got a lot better at deflecting the bullsht that comes with dating games and ignoring the one that were just chasing for sport. And in retrospect, I wish I would have had that ability a lot sooner. It would have said me a lot of irritation, aggravation, disappointment, heartbreak and so on. However, I realize that if I hadn’t experience all of that I would not have developed the bullsht detector/@asshole deflecting abilities that I have.

Damn, proverbial Catch 22.

Willie Dynamite

June 21st, 2011
2:22 pm

PR – actually after hearing something like that I would have nudged her to delve deeper into the toy conversation. Buddy had bad timing. He could have been totally honest with her and it wouldn’t have mattered. He jumped the shark too early.

Purple Rain

June 21st, 2011
2:22 pm

SexyCool, sometimes the signs are not so obvious. LOL

Purple Rain

June 21st, 2011
2:23 pm

Willie, yes he had the puddy there for the taking and spoke to soon about his situation.

SexyCool

June 21st, 2011
2:27 pm

I was hanging out at The Tavern one night, just shooting the breeze with this wedding ring wearing dude who sat next to me at the bar. Just conversation, passing the time. Sure enough, as he gets up to leave, he asked me for my number. My response, “We ain’t got nothing else to talk about. Go home and flirt with your wife like you’ve been flirting with me. And take her some flowers.”

Celisea

June 21st, 2011
2:28 pm

PR – sometimes the signs are not so obvious. LOL

Many times they are. I had to learn sometime let jokers hang themselves rather than me doing all the hog tying.

Leggs

June 21st, 2011
2:29 pm

@SexyC ~ developed the bullsht detector/@asshole deflecting abilities that I have. Excellent because I just got a patent on mine!!!

Into the Light

June 21st, 2011
2:30 pm

PR, BF, and Leggs: Maybe she was trying to encourage the visual. But, (totally playing devil’s advocate here) shouldn’t men and women be able to have honest conversations without worrying that every statement will be analyzed for innuendo?

WillieD: yes, I am and avid reader. Your visual took me back to an old b and w movie: “of all the gin joints in all the world, she had to walk into mine”

SC: there’s more to the story. I told buster brown to lose my number and address or I would call his wife and I walked away. He chose not to (repeatedly) until my brother finally explained it to him in a way he could understand.

Leggs

June 21st, 2011
2:30 pm

@SexyC ~ that is hysterical. Excellent comeback…shut that crap down with the quickness!!!!

Dan - Simply...

June 21st, 2011
2:31 pm

@Willie D

I’d say it was a matter of phrasing (though with you on the shark slightly). Put it out that there is a female in the house, vaguely explain that she has nothing to do with you and vice versa. If baby girl continues the convo, so be it.

@All

Can we not skip over the obvious plot twist of: woman mees man in bar, man tell woman he has woman2 living with him, woman mentions toy, man now texting woman about replacing said toy.

I know I been outta the game for a minute, but whatdaproblem is? If ‘woman’ ain’t interested, how’d ‘man’ get the number?

Or did I miss that part?

Leggs

June 21st, 2011
2:32 pm

@ITL ~ nothing wrong with having honest conversations…however, where is the need for a complete stranger to know you use a “toy?” I don’t see why that has to come up. It’s like masturbation. I doubt I would be talking about that on my initial exchange with a man.

Leggs

June 21st, 2011
2:34 pm

@Dan ~ I sense he got the number on their second convo. Remember she asked the second part of her questions to him later. So, implication is there he received the number with the first convo.

Purple Rain

June 21st, 2011
2:35 pm

Sexy Cool, yes you shut him down. I saw a lady before I moved back home at work who was uber fine. Nice chocolate skin, short haircut, with a pretty face and a well toned body. She was always dressed nice too. I saw a ring on her finger and I made sure she saw mine. I said “Do not take this the wrong way, and I do not mean anything past what I am saying but you are a beautiful woman” she said “thank you and I will not take your compliment out of context” No harm no foul.

Sometimes the bs detector can send false alarms.

Leggs

June 21st, 2011
2:35 pm

Sorry meant first convo!!!!

Willie Dynamite

June 21st, 2011
2:37 pm

Purp – you right, but he did good by being honest. She didn’t shut him down so he still had a chance. He started with the offense when he shoulda been playing the field position game. He fugged up with the text.
I’m offering classes to Dudes for the low-low. I am board certified and accredited;
Shut the fugg up 101
Don’t do dumb Isht 102
Slow down Tito Dayummm 101
Sometimes punting is your best Move 102

SexyCool

June 21st, 2011
2:38 pm

P-Lito – I feel you. I will say to a guy, “Look, I’m not flirting, I’m just paying you a compliment. You look really nice today/have on a nice suit/nice tie/nice shoes….whatever.”

Leggs

June 21st, 2011
2:39 pm

I like the title “Slow down Tito Dayummm 101″ :lol: :lol:

Purple Rain

June 21st, 2011
2:40 pm

ITL, that’s like dating Superhead and she refuses to suck your wang. I don’t know the analogy I am trying to make but it still seems to fit. LOL Seriously, if you someone does not want to musjudged on something they say….just watch what you say. Me thinks we are not getting the full story, she probably hooked up with him and found out after the fact about the other woman. LOL

Willie Dynamite

June 21st, 2011
2:40 pm

The honest compliment with no strings attached is a lost art. We gots to do better.

Leggs

June 21st, 2011
2:41 pm

Interesting you guys put the disclaimer out there.

Purple Rain

June 21st, 2011
2:42 pm

This woman was a Special Dark that looked like Mr Hershey poured her himself. I bet she tastes good! “UMMMPHH!!” (In my Bernie Mack voice)

Purple Rain

June 21st, 2011
2:43 pm

Leggs, that’s just a preventive measure because some take any compliment as a come on.

Blackfoote

June 21st, 2011
2:43 pm

ITL:
Sure thing we should. Then there are variables, the setting, mood, conversation, and willingness to give up information sends signals in all kinds of directions.

Celisea

June 21st, 2011
2:43 pm

PR – Me thinks we are not getting the full story

Could very well be. I know for me I would be highly offended if you’re still texting/calling/talking to me…period…and you’re living and getting and giving it to another woman. Sorry I got a serious problem with that. I know for certain no matter how much the playa and how much game, you shut a brotha down right the first time, he’ll carry that mess on to the next chick. If you say it though and there’s still an opening, he’ll be back. The onus is on you the moment you know to do something about it.

Celisea

June 21st, 2011
2:44 pm

Where is Dreams?

Into the Light

June 21st, 2011
2:45 pm

The honest compliment with no strings attached is a lost art. We gots to do better.

you said that, Willie D!

Willie Dynamite

June 21st, 2011
2:45 pm

Purp – I don’t think it was that deep. I think she was trolling and caught one that already had a hook in his mouth. She proceeded to tease cause her Bro was around to save her. Nothing more nothing less. All I can say is keep thinking its a Game.

Blackfoote

June 21st, 2011
2:48 pm

You have to have a pre-emptive strike. Some women will argue with you for looking at them too long or give them a sincere compliment.

Leggs

June 21st, 2011
2:48 pm

@PR ~ don’t get me wrong, I understand why you put the disclaimer out there. I never have. I give the compliment and keep walking. Perhaps going forward and given the circumstances, I will start with a disclaimer.

Into the Light

June 21st, 2011
2:49 pm

HOLD UP! WillieD, you’re not talking about me here, are you? I thought we were conversing about the come-on line that LL got from a guy.

And as for married dude, the only reason my brother stepped in is because dude would not leave me alone and was calling and showing up at my house at all hours of the night, even though I told him I didn’t want anything to do with him.