Should you confess?
We talked about how to spot deception and lies yesterday and I thought about lying by omission. Some people argue that failing to tell the full truth is not technically a lie. Well, I believe that when your intent is to purposely withhold information, you clearly are being dishonest.
When you are dating someone, it helps to figure out what kind of “moral compass” people are guided by. When you don’t share a similar outlook, you would probably disagree on how they handle the important things.
If you made some kind of mistake, do you confess your wrongdoing or could you quietly keep it to yourself?
A lot of guys I know say they would rather not know if they were cheated on or deceived. If it comes out, they will deal with it. If not, they are fine with being kept in the dark.
I like to make informed decisions so I would rather a confession. If I had to admit to something I did wrong, I would suck it up and take my chances with the truth. What do you think? Is confession truly good for the soul?
Have you ever confessed a romantic crime? Are you glad you did it?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures In Atlanta Dating Blog
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252 comments Add your comment
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
12:38 pm
Casual, do you still consider that person “your boy”?
Casual Observer
June 14th, 2011
12:45 pm
Rain, Nope. He violated all of the man laws with that one, but just because he went out like a sucker, doesn’t mean that I had to B***H out and do the same.
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
12:49 pm
Casual, that is very true! I don’t know how I would act in that situation.
SexyCool
June 14th, 2011
12:52 pm
Does Julia know you’re Cel’s cyber boy toy?
I know you’ve had that up there for a couple of days. Although, I’ve seen it, but not seen it, (If that makes sense), but just today, it occurred to me that if I saw TheDude referring to himself as someone else’s boy toy, even jokingly, I would feel some kind of way about it.
Just curious.
Celisea
June 14th, 2011
12:54 pm
Does Julia know you’re Cel’s cyber boy toy?
That’s all it is…no real life anything going on
Celisea
June 14th, 2011
12:56 pm
It may be just me but I think if Julia saw the dynamics of blog flirting that occurs often, she just might understand.
SexyCool
June 14th, 2011
1:11 pm
I know, Cel. It’s just a thought that popped into my head, just now, when I read it. And again, I just compared it to how I would feel personally if it were TheDude.
But…to make it more real, isn’t this the defense that Weiner and his kind use? It’s just in fun. It’s just jokes. It’s just online. It doesn’t really mean anything.
And trust me, I’m not trying to come across as an @sshole about this or be in the middle of y’alls flirtation. I really do believe in letting grown people be grown. This is something that only just occurred to me today.
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
1:24 pm
She still pops on and has been beside me when I have flirted very heavily on here. She knows me and trusts me
She has actually gotten roused up on some topics and I have had to “put the laptop down to service my wife” No secrets here.
SexyCool
June 14th, 2011
1:27 pm
That’s what’s up.
I like you, Purp….most of the time. (lol)
You are a solid dude. I give some of what you post the side-eye every now and then, but I “phcks wit’ you.”
Leggs
June 14th, 2011
1:29 pm
Good afternoon!
I try my best not to lie. I’m the type of person if you ask, I simply hope you’re prepared for my answer. Sometimes I’ll deliver it sweetly and sometimes not.
A romantic crime….can’t think of any.
Willie Dynamite
June 14th, 2011
1:29 pm
Afternoon All,
I’m not real big on confessions. I am however a little torn about the subject. i would personally want to know but wouldn’t go seeking. I dont subscribe to the interrogation method as I hate being questioned and also hate having to find the right question to get an answer. IMO the confession itself is purely a selfish way of gaining a clear conscious. I would like to think I put as much effort into doing the right thing without needing a confession. BUT alas, I am a Man and I do fall short.
Lovely Brown
June 14th, 2011
1:31 pm
@ PR- since I have known him. We have broke up, got back together, broke up, got back together and got married- Whew! LOL! I don’t want to know everything he did during our ‘apart’ moments. And I know he damn sure would not be pleased at some of the things I did. It is what it is. I do know one thing I would not want to ever happen is for some dude to ever come up to him and say I did XXX with your wife….that’s ugly and hurtful.
That would probably be the only reason I would tell….otherwise, Imma take it to the grave and pray that the other person(s) involved do the same.
Into the Light
June 14th, 2011
1:32 pm
Afternoon, all! It’s been a crazy day…
On topic: I believe honesty is the best policy, and we should always try to be truthful. In the case of whether you should tell your SO if you’ve been unfaithful, I see it like this: if (s)he’s going to find out anyway, it would be best coming from you before it’s had been embellished and come back around. If there is no way (s)he would ever, ever, ever find out, I say don’t tell. Your messed up actions and resulting guilty conscious are yours to own. You do not have a right to break someone’s heart just to unburden yourself.
On the “boy toy” discussion…..I gotta get me one of those.
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
1:32 pm
Sexy Cool, she actually told me if my gear still works in 2038 and if Celisea is cute I can have sex with her….but she gets to choose who she can have sex with. Yeah right, that is not happening.
The last time she was on was when I showed her the story that us guys made up and Leggs pasted together. For some reason, I think she likes it when other women flirt with me, but that is not confirmed…because I have seen her get downright nasty when we ran into my “ex” lol Why are you giving me the side eye? I am good dude and consistent. LOL I like you too, even when you go in fire and brimstone mode.
SexyCool
June 14th, 2011
1:34 pm
ITL – I heard you sounding like Will Smith in Independence Day – I have GOT to get me one of THESE! (lol)
Exiled!
June 14th, 2011
1:35 pm
Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what u wanted…..
hey, Iplia plagiarised that and I am not giving them credit.
U had it from Meelo,hopefully for the first time!
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
1:36 pm
On Topic, I think I would want to know rather than leave it to my imagination.
Lovely, how long have you two been married? Did you do any xxx things with the other guys that you haven’t done with your husband? Did he ask you if you have been with anyone else during one of your breakup? If so how did you answer?
Jules, I love you!!!
Celisea
June 14th, 2011
1:37 pm
SexyC – Understood
PR – I say who, I say when, I say who….what movie was that from and which movie star?
Celisea
June 14th, 2011
1:40 pm
You know, I wouldn’t tell but if the coin was flipped, I too would want to know. Too old to snoop…not happening but I definitely wouldn’t want stuff all over my head and I’m the only/last to know. All I would ask that if a dude did it to me, get some convictions and end it. I think if that happened and I was none the wiser and he learned better and conducted himself better, I could deal with that.
Really, all of us have probably been in that situation without ever knowing.
I ALWAYS felt a friend of mine did my kid’s dad. I couldn’t never prove, had no evidence but got that feeling just once. I planted my thoughts on the idea of to him. He denied denied denied but he was from that pointing watching me cause I was watching him. Of course I was younger. Anything or anybody I gotta watch, I’m out.
Into the Light
June 14th, 2011
1:41 pm
Off topic: When I complimented a friend on his caller tune the other day, he told me it was his “walking music”. He explained it as the music you would hear on a TV show or movie everytime a certain character was walking down the street (think Stayin’ Alive and John Travolta).
So, my question is this: what would YOUR walking music be????
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
1:42 pm
Celisea, I don’t know. LOL
Celisea
June 14th, 2011
1:42 pm
ITL…any sexy song could serve as my walking music
Sometimes we’re just a dern trip on this thing…lol
Celisea
June 14th, 2011
1:43 pm
PR – Pretty Woman…
Celisea
June 14th, 2011
1:44 pm
point not pointing
I’m about to eat my homemade meatloaf from Sunday’s dinner…mmm mmm mmm
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
1:45 pm
Celisea, yes you are.
SexyCool
June 14th, 2011
1:46 pm
ITL – Usher – Bad Girl
Mary J. Blige – Just Fine
Mary J. Blige – I Feel Good
And a few others depending on my mood and how I’m feeling my sexy or my cool.
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
1:47 pm
My walking music would be “Let the Bodies hit the floor” by Drowning Pool. That song keeps me PUMPED and cool at the same time.
kimmie
June 14th, 2011
1:50 pm
Dan – Thank you!
Chink
June 14th, 2011
1:50 pm
Casual
I think that its messed up that you will deny deny deny. It almost seems like its being done because of a lack of maturity..you should be able to own up (man up) about what you do!
Blackfoote
June 14th, 2011
1:51 pm
Time, age makes us wiser (did for me). I don’t care or want to know what you did in the past. Should I fall for you our starting point comes from the path we’re crossing now rather than what we did in our past. I have said don’t get mad at me for telling you the truth but believe it or not the truth hurts. So if that’s what you want don’t shudder be prepared for the pain it may bring.
Hey Folks:
Dan - Simply....Superior
June 14th, 2011
1:57 pm
@Any/Everyone not wanting to know about the past
How do you get to know somebody? I get not needed the details (did she do it like this), but knowing that they made relationship mistakes or did some tawdry isht is a problem?
Could someone explain the rationale #notgettingit
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
2:01 pm
My thoughts are everyone has a past. As we get to know each other I would like to go to know more about her past. It’s up to me to decide if a person and I are a fit. I would not hold her past against her(if mistakes were made) but I would make a sound decision given the present situation combined with the past.
Exiled!
June 14th, 2011
2:01 pm
So assuming ur lady wasn’t a virgin when u met,u want to know every guy she got with Dan?
sounds like torture to me if your answer is affirmative.
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
2:02 pm
Off Topic: LOL@Dan. Speaking in “twitter” talk “#notgettingit”
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
2:03 pm
Exiled, or girl.
Dan - Simply....Superior
June 14th, 2011
2:04 pm
@Exiled
Then stop presenting false choices.
What I asked was about relationship issues – infidelity, trust, out and out usury; not sexual details.
And no, I’ve only known one virgin in my life older than 18; and even that status was “technical”
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
2:06 pm
I would not want a virgin in any form or fashion
Blackfoote
June 14th, 2011
2:08 pm
History vs. Future, your history has set you up for who you are now in the future. You can look back in your history and pick out things you would/could change but it aint happening the past is just that. Carrying your past along with it’s baggage and prolly animosity how will that set a couple up for a succesful future if you dwell in what happened 18 years ago. Me I let it go and grasp the future.
The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)
June 14th, 2011
2:09 pm
Now I would definitely want to know about every girl she’d been with, with all the juicy details, and preferably some videos included….
abc
June 14th, 2011
2:10 pm
Dan, resistance of temptation is something one learns through time and discipline. It amounts to looking before you leap, in simple terms. Self indulgence is a character flaw, in my view. Especially in romantic relationships, one should be putting them first, not indulging yourself.
I figure in that regard, I’m bulletproof, but it wasn’t always true. Time, experience, discipline, and the right girl finally got me to that point.
Casual Observer
June 14th, 2011
2:11 pm
Chink…”you should be able to own up (man up) about what you do!”
Thats funny that you should say that…. OK tell me, what does one have to do with teh other??? When I was in “creeping mode” my thoughts were purely selfish. It had nothing to do with being a man except I was BEING A MAN! When I got caught, admitting it at that time would not / did not change a thing. She found out and confronted me…She was going to do what she was going to do at that point. Admitting it changes nothing….
Walking song = “My Way” Usher
Lovely Brown
June 14th, 2011
2:12 pm
Lovely, how long have you two been married? Did you do any xxx things with the other guys that you haven’t done with your husband? Did he ask you if you have been with anyone else during one of your breakup? If so how did you answer?
15yrs. No. He did ask and I told him NO!
Like I said before… to the grave 
Dan - Simply....Superior
June 14th, 2011
2:14 pm
“Self indulgence [as] a character flaw…..” <– wow
Did you mean "over" indulgence?
Exiled!
June 14th, 2011
2:15 pm
Yeah Dan,she had issues of sleeping with her guy’s boys..the 3 relationships she had and it pains her somewhat bur she’s clean now…I’m sure they qualify ad relationship issues..
Very much a str8 and narrow kind of chic now,very legit marriage type girl…
U still wanna know…??
I’m tempted to think u say u wanna know everything coz u probably go out of ur way to weed out those u think might have very questionable pasts.
I do find ur stance interesting tho
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
2:17 pm
Lovely Brown, LOL..to the grave indeed!
Dan - Simply....Superior
June 14th, 2011
2:21 pm
@Exiled
I’ve said it here and live it – I don’t judge folks.
The reason I want to know is to understand her thought process. How she’s gets from point “a” to point “b”. If she’s still handlin relationships on that “puppy love” emotion without reality/logic then, no, she isn’t for me.
However, if that mix is right, it’s a beautiful thing. Can’t know love without loss
Chink
June 14th, 2011
2:27 pm
Casual
Funny you think creeping = being a man…..
Admitting it would mean communicating ..silence is not ok at a time like that.
Exiled!
June 14th, 2011
2:28 pm
U don’t judge folks…
U even better than the Dalai Lama there Dan…
Purple Rain "Celisea's Boy Toy"
June 14th, 2011
2:31 pm
No man blog fights please. LOL
Lovely Brown
June 14th, 2011
2:33 pm
My walking song today would be my fav song right now, My Last- Big Sean w Chris Brown
I cannot get this song outta my brain!
My walking song any other time, A Long Walk- Jill Scott