Date detective: Are they lying to you?
Fox network has a really interesting show called Lie To Me that centers around a company of psychologists and analysts who detect when people are telling the truth.
I found myself paying attention to what they focused on when looking for signs of deceit. It’s fascinating to see the facial and visceral reactions that happen when someone is lying to you!
Since we can’t take portable lie detectors dates (do they make these?) do you ever try to decipher if you are being told the truth?
One of our wonderful readers (Thanks Sexy Leggs!) sent me a great article that listed a few signs of deceit:
1. When questioned, deceptive people say as little as possible.
2. Though they say little, they tend to spontaneously give a justification for what they are saying, usually without being prompted.
3. They tend to repeat questions before answering them, perhaps to give themselves time to concoct an answer.
Very interesting, right? Do you ever wander if people are hoodwinking you about something? Do you try to give people you date the benefit of the doubt?
Do you think we all embellish and distort the truth when we are dating because we want to make a good first impression?
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241 comments Add your comment
CoolShadow
June 13th, 2011
8:21 am
4. Acting defensive or combative over simple questions or comments.
The worst is when people lie or misrepresent with no reason to do so.
Dan - Simply....Superior
June 13th, 2011
8:27 am
So, I’m either:
Saying too little or saying too much? And, my hesitance in answering your question has nothing to do with being questioned like Kane in Menace – I’m just lying then too?
The better question(s) is what (in the land of the free, home of the brave, and innocent until proven guilty) can I say to make you believe that I’m not lying? And how, to your exacting standards should I say it?
This post reminds me that some people would rather believe the lie than the truth; and that that fact has little to do with the other person.
#firstlebronnowthis
Mr Unknown
June 13th, 2011
8:49 am
Good morning!
Greg S.
June 13th, 2011
8:56 am
Also to note, if the person is a politician then they are surely lying!
Chink
June 13th, 2011
8:58 am
There is really no way to know if someone is lying unless you catch them in the lie. I will believe everything you tell me until the lie presents itself.
There is no way I am going to be going on a date trying to figure out if I am being lied to or not unless its stupidly obvious.
What you see is what you get with me ..take it or leave it.
LRAdams
June 13th, 2011
9:10 am
Thanks for the example Dan.
RickyJeepers
June 13th, 2011
9:11 am
It’s wonder, not wander.
lucinda
June 13th, 2011
9:12 am
If you pay close attention to what somebody is saying and really listen to them — instead of thinking about the next thing you are going to say — you will hear inconsistencies if they are there. There is no need to cross examin somebody, you just have to really really listen. If the lie is about something inconsequential, then I wonder why they felt the need to lie (present themselves in a better light? wish things were a certain way?). If its something major and its a first date or early in dating, then I probably jet out. If its later in dating, its a conversation we will have.
SlimNumeroUno
June 13th, 2011
9:16 am
Good Magical Monday all
Whenever my ex would lie, his bottom lip would quiver a little. lol
lucinda
June 13th, 2011
9:16 am
and, I used to lie about stupid stuff to make myself appear better, or more accomplished, or more… something. I have finally realized that is idiotic. It was about my insecurities with myself, which everybody has about themself. I am what I am, and somebody who is with me will like me — or not. No need to try to appear to be something I’m not just to bolster my ego. Glad I figured that out, it’s much much easier and very refreshing.
John Edwards
June 13th, 2011
9:17 am
I always tell the truth.
Anthony Weiner
June 13th, 2011
9:18 am
I never lie.
Bill Clinton
June 13th, 2011
9:18 am
I did not have sex with that woman.
Into the Light
June 13th, 2011
9:25 am
Good morning, all!
My ex had a “tell sign” when he was lying….his lips were moving!!
Seriously, I take everything at face value and assume that the other party is being honest until given a reason not to (i.e. you lie to me). Once you’ve lied to me, it’s hard for me not to mentally question whether you are being honest or not going forward. Breech of trust is a hard thing to move past.
LeChoke James
June 13th, 2011
9:30 am
Great example, Dan.
George "the decider" Bush
June 13th, 2011
9:31 am
Weapons of Mass destruction.
abc
June 13th, 2011
9:34 am
Do you think we all embellish and distort the truth when we are dating because we want to make a good first impression?
I’m not even going to start, no need.
Mr_NYC
June 13th, 2011
9:35 am
Good morning
Maybe they will do like the dude in the TP movie – follow up the lie with “you know what I’m sayin’”
Dan - Simply....Superior
June 13th, 2011
9:35 am
Right, but
The point of the post is the presupposition that the person is lying.
I have personally been in situations where no matter what I said, I was lying. She’d made up her mind before talking to me (whether she knew me or not). And I’ve come to the point in life when I won’t try and overcome those deep seeded (and likely valid) insecurities anymore.
Either believe me or don’t. You have options.
JASon
June 13th, 2011
9:37 am
“Do you ever wander if people are hoodwinking you about something?”
I wonder where you learned to speak english.
Into the Light
June 13th, 2011
9:41 am
Hmmm, I wonder how in the world so many “PERFECT” people find the time to proof Wise’s post, make catty comments, and complete their other obligations….
Leggs
June 13th, 2011
9:51 am
Good morning.
I’ve known some habitual liars in my time, and never understood why they lied for the hell of lying. I’m going to take what you say at face value until I see/know otherwise. Sometimes, a person repeats the question simply to express their incredulity. It’s akin to someone taking you by your shoulders and saying WTH did you just say (lol).
“Do you think we all embellish and distort the truth when we are dating because we want to make a good first impression?” – Seriously, how is this even possible once the truth comes to the surface?
TenderRoni
June 13th, 2011
9:54 am
Mornings,
I with you @Dan on your posts. I have just been through this with a man. He has some deep seeded trust issues and so cynical. At first I thought it was just me he didn’t trust, but realize he doesnt trust anyone. Then he turns around and says lies himself.
Purple Rain "Celisea's boy toy"
June 13th, 2011
9:55 am
Point number 1. I say as little as possible because I don’t talk a lot, especially if I don’t know you or if I am getting to know you…that does not make me deceptive.
..and who are you to question me?
Point number 2. You call it justification, I am just tell you the Who, why and what of how I came to my conclusion and that is what it is…..that does not make me deceptive
Point Number 3. I was taught and I always repeat a serious question or something directed towards me so that I can give a proper answer….that does not make me deceptive.
But I guess that makes me different, when dating someone I am straight forward and direct. I am who I am and I expect her to be who she is. I feel sorry for someone if they go in looking for signs of deception. If someone gives me a reason to think they are deceptive, why waste time trying to figure it out….obviously if they are or if they are not we are not “vibing”. No embellishment or distorting, we are just getting to know each other and the more common we become the more we share.
TenderRoni
June 13th, 2011
9:56 am
I don’t think we all embellish or distort the truth when dating. I think its those that are insecure or have relationship issues they haven’t dealth with.
Purple Rain "Celisea's boy toy"
June 13th, 2011
10:03 am
Tender and those are the ones who start off looking for the “wrong” in someone else.
Ted Kennedy's Ghost
June 13th, 2011
10:06 am
I always found that honesty is the best policy.
TenderRoni
June 13th, 2011
10:06 am
@PR-exactly, I just experienced this. How is the little one?
Purple Rain "Celisea's boy toy"
June 13th, 2011
10:08 am
He’s fine, it was our first weekend alone and we survived. I think green poop is the most nasty awful thing on earth, I got pissed on as well.
President Barack Obama
June 13th, 2011
10:09 am
I’ve never lied…and the unemployment rate will soon be below 8%. Joe Biden told me so this morning.
TenderRoni
June 13th, 2011
10:10 am
@PR-lol i love it, that makes it official. welcome to parenting
For Real
June 13th, 2011
10:10 am
1. If you are sitting on a date trying to determine if everything a person says is a lie, then YOU are the one with the problem. Trust Issues!!!
2. Women like to be lied to.
3. Try listening instead of waiting on your turn to talk.
Anthony Weiner
June 13th, 2011
10:12 am
Anyone on this blog want to see some nice photos?
SlimNumeroUno
June 13th, 2011
10:13 am
My ex had a “tell sign” when he was lying….his lips were moving!!
ITL – That’s how i felt about the ex. That fool would lie about what he had for lunch, I guess because he didn’t want the real answer to lead to who he had lunch with. He’d lie about what days he was off work, I suppose so he could galavant across town with whomever while I thought he was at work
For Real
June 13th, 2011
10:20 am
Tender: Hold on Purp before anointing Purp a parent and more particularly a father. Purp has to achieve the following before being anointed FATHER RULER OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT PAYOR OF ALL!
1. Spit-up in the mouth
2. Sneezed on while the child’s mouth is full of green, orange and yellow ish
3. Being kicked in the balls by the hard ass white shoes.
forgiven
June 13th, 2011
10:22 am
I’ve learned to listen to what they are not saying when they answer your questions.
SexyCool
June 13th, 2011
10:26 am
Co-signing ITL’s 925a.
Leggs
June 13th, 2011
10:27 am
I’ve experienced all 3 and #3 is no joke. No matter where you’re kicked, it hurts!!!
TenderRoni
June 13th, 2011
10:28 am
@ForReal-agreed, but he has takend the first step in many gross, embarrassing, nasty, selfless things we do for us children. Its like an initiation.
Leggs
June 13th, 2011
10:32 am
@forgiven ~ I’m with you.
TenderRoni
June 13th, 2011
10:33 am
I have been smacked, hit at, biten, and when she was baby and teething nawed on my boob and my breast almost popped out my shirt in public one time. But what can you do, when you see their cute faces, just sigh!
Blackfoote
June 13th, 2011
10:36 am
Into the Light, Sexy Leggs, TendeRoni, and Purple this one is covered and you said it well.
Dan - Simply....Superior
June 13th, 2011
10:38 am
To me the best part of dating is getting to know that person.
From the language they use (and I’m talking noun, pronoun, and tense) to the manner with which they speak (tone, volume, tempo).
All these things are keys to understanding who this person is.
Lie to me was good at that, it just had poor writing and tried to create a ever crazy character; when they have House as the wacky and brilliant guy with personality problems. The whole facial reconigition concept had me in the beginning.
SexyCool
June 13th, 2011
10:38 am
Can I just add the obvious? Of course, these things apply across the board, not just when dating.
Purple Rain "Celisea's boy toy"
June 13th, 2011
10:40 am
For Real, I was quick when he tried that. Had #2 happen before and if #3 happens Im kicking him in the balls back!
Purple Rain "Celisea's boy toy"
June 13th, 2011
10:44 am
Tender your 10:33, I thought you were talking about our date night. LOL, until I read the word “she”
Blackfoote
June 13th, 2011
10:45 am
Purple when holding little guy in one arm you haven’t pea’ed on untill his pea runs down your arm and hits your pants leg and crouch. Then out in public people will think you pea’ed on yourself…LOL
TenderRoni
June 13th, 2011
10:47 am
Ok,boy toy a.k.a freak
Blackfoote
June 13th, 2011
10:48 am
meant “haven’t been pea’ed on”
Purple Rain "Celisea's boy toy"
June 13th, 2011
10:50 am
Blackfoote he peed in my face, that has to count for something? right??