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Archive for June, 2011

Fighting unfairly a red flag?

In the midst of a heated argument, my friend “Sara” was taken aback when her boyfriend said something really hurtful. Not only was it insulting, he ended it by calling her a name – not the sweet kind – the “C” kind.

She is pretty shook up by it for a couple of reasons: This was their first big relationship fight; he didn’t seem that remorseful; she wonders if these below the belt verbal jabs are a sign of something deeper. How would you handle this?

Have you ever said something hurtful to the person you are dating or married to? Do you think there are certain lines you just should not cross when you are having a disagreement?

Has someone ever gone too far and said something awful to you? How can you tell when it is verbal abuse and when it is just “fighting unfairly” in an argument?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Fighting unfairly a red flag? »

Economy of sex: supply and demand?

If you know anything about economics, you are familiar with supply and demand. It means something of value is desired and in demand. Then supply is how much the market can offer said desired/demand.

It doesn’t sound all that romantic but many consider dating, sex, and marriage as part of the “sexual economy” and apparently sex is a cheap commodity.

I recently read an article that said society puts a price tag on sex. We may or may not realize it, but we participate in it. Interestingly enough, with so many casual hook ups, friends with benefits, it’s complicated type of “situations” – we somehow have a twist on supply and demand in the sex market. Sex is easy to get and individuals aren’t always looking to exchange it for marriage or relationships.

Now, is this a good thing or a bad thing? Does it depend on what you want?

If you don’t like the current climate of the sex market, what do you do?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating …

Continue reading Economy of sex: supply and demand? »

I’d love you jobless!

I used to listen to the soundtrack for the film Best Man incessantly. I especially loved Lauryn Hill’s (*ahem* Miss Hill) remake of Turn Your Lights Down Low. This was before my intense Bob Marley phase, so I was unsure of the actual lyrics of the song.

For the longest time, I thought “I’d love you jobless” was being sung. I know, how weird right? Who would put that in a song?!

To be honest, I think I could love a jobless man. I don’t know if that makes me a romantic or slightly naive. Am I silly to think that love can conquer a 9.2% jobless rate? Perhaps!

I’m not saying it would be a cake walk, of course. I just believe it is something we can work on and get through together. That is what grown ups do right?

Recently, Forbes Women and Your Tango surveyed women – asking
if they would marry an unemployed man, 75% said they would not. Although, I don’t know if unemployed men who have marriage as their immediate goal.

What do you think? With our modern attitudes about …

Continue reading I’d love you jobless! »

Online dating: Is it only virtual chemistry?

Have you ever met someone online, had great “virtual” chemistry, but when you met them in real life there were no sparks? I think this is a leading cause of online dating apprehension!

What do you do when you are disappointed in the lack of interest after a meet up?

I think meeting dates online is most effective when you both sense compatibility and then arrange to meet soon after. If you are unsure, make it a quick meet up with a group or outing with other people.

If you are going back and forth on Facebook, texting one another all the time, you could easily fall into a false sense of attraction. These
activities can be great but they do not substitute genuine attraction. The kind that happens when you spend quality time face to face.

What do you think? How do you know when the online chemistry is real and worth the effort to get a closer look? Is it their looks that let’s you know or something deeper?

Continue reading Online dating: Is it only virtual chemistry? »

Relationships: Do we improve for the next one?

You end one relationship and hopefully take some wisdom into the next one. What can we do avoid the same pitfalls that torpedoed the last relationship?

My friend Ben thinks his last relationship ended mainly because of his hectic new job that involved a lot of traveling. He believes that his new relationship will benefit from the lessons he learned about balancing work and home life.

Do you think you get to correct the wrong moves you made in past
relationships?

How have your dating and relationship experiences contributed to your personal growth?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

If your current significant other met you years ago do you think you would have been a good match for them?

Continue reading Relationships: Do we improve for the next one? »

Are your exes keeping you single?

When you decide not to cut all communication with your ex, you run the risk of sending the wrong message to the new person in your life.

I have never had a guy ask me outright which of my guy friends are former hook ups. I would hope I answer honestly but I wonder if it would become a real issue.

A friend of mine told me that he stopped calling a woman he met because she seemed to have too many friends that were exes. Even though he is a reasonable dude, he picked up on something when she was around these guy friends.

I thought he should let her know! Maybe she didn’t realize her so-called guy friend were sending a “you know I tapped that before
right?” kind of vibe – I’m just saying, she could oblivious.

Do you think your sexy single, platonic friends are a reason things don’t progress with potential dates/mates? Have you ever been told you have way too many “we’re just friends”- friends?

Have you ever met someone with countless friendships with their exes? Did it …

Continue reading Are your exes keeping you single? »

Do bossy women get married?

My friend Allen is dating a smart woman who runs her own company. Allen seems to be really impressed with her now but she told them if they met 5 years ago, he probably would have run for the hills.

She admitted that before they met, she was a real piece of work – very strong-willed, opinionated, and well bossy. She finally realized this was not serving her well on the dating scene. According to her, bossy women don’t get asked out – and few end up with the men they want.

Once she started to find a balance, she noticed a big difference in the type of men she met and attracted. This makes me think about the fine line single women often have to worry about: bossy versus confident. Men love confident women! A confident woman who is too bossy? Well, let’s just say some men view them as a challenge – others think of them as the type to avoid.

Ladies, have you found it difficult or challenging to project your confidence without appearing overconfident or bossy? Is it a good …

Continue reading Do bossy women get married? »

Summer flings

Even though it’s been crazy hot for weeks, today is officially the first day of summer! It’s not exactly “boo” season – single people are enjoying their freedom – a lot.

From beach parties, patio pimpin’ (it’s a thing), and scantily clad beautiful people – conditions are ripe for the casual hook ups aka flings with no strings.

It’s interesting because a lot of relationships are hot and heavy by the holidays when we meet those supposed “summer flings.” These are those casual encounters that we claim don’t mean anything; so there are no expectations, no drama – just fun. Right, summer fling fun…and apparently, this is the best way to start a relationship!

Do you think summer flings are a good idea? Have you ever had one?

Have you ever had a summer fling that developed into a full-fledged romance? Do you think it had anything to do with the pressure free approach?

If you are only interested in a fling, how do you let the other person know that? How can you say it without …

Continue reading Summer flings »

Worse Date Ever

A reader emailed me because she thinks she had the worst first date. It was so bad, she was starting to believe there were hidden cameras secretly taping her reaction to the “Grade A dirtbag” and his antics.

It started out bad and only got worse. He asked her out on text message, showed up late, and throughout the evening kept bringing up the topic of threesomes.

I admit that sounds pretty awful! Bad dates are just a part of dating that nobody can escape. My Dad calls it “character building” because you may hate it but you are wiser because of it.

Once you get through those bad dates, you can learn to avoid certain things – like guys who think strip clubs are appropriate first date ideas. Or women who are classic prima donnas that complain about everything.

What is your worst date experience?

Now that you have endured bad dates, do you know how to avoid them? What are the best ways to prescreen potentially bad date
candidates?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating …

Continue reading Worse Date Ever »

Sexy census: How satisfied is Atlanta?

The good people at Trojan kindly sent over some interesting statistics from their “sex census” this week. I think you would be interested in hearing how Atlanta ranked! Let’s jump right in shall we?

Apparently Atlanta is one of three cities most satisfied with their sex lives: While Atlanta trends towards the bottom of the list for frequency of sex per year (109), they do trend high when it comes sexual satisfaction, at 80 percent satisfied.

Atlanta (33%) is one of two cities most likely to say they are having just the right amount of sex.

Atlanta is among the least likely to be satisfied with the effectiveness of vibrators (61%).

Atlanta is the city most likely to look for information about
having sex from the Internet (35%).

Atlantans (29%) were most likely to say they would like to have sex on a beach.

These are a few that kind of caught my eye. I wonder why I never get to participate in these sexy surveys!

They also report that 19 percent of Americans have engaged in …

Continue reading Sexy census: How satisfied is Atlanta? »