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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Love: Is your heart an idiot?

What is it about love and romance that tends to drive out rational thoughts and behavior?  You can be a confident, brilliant person but once you fall in love you can tumble into a deep abyss of dumbness.

I read about a documentary by Found Magazine creator Davy Rothbart, called “My Heart is an Idiot”.  The title struck me as funny but I actually have thought the same thing about my heart at times.

When you add emotion and sex to any dating “situation” you run the risk of getting caught up.  Sure, you can try to pretend that it’s not happening, but it sometimes the dumb behavior starts.

You overlook red flags, you tolerate things you never thought you would, and then you somehow believe you’re in love.  Do you think that we do the dumb things because are following our heart?

What do you think you learned from following your heart versus following your head (i.e. more logic, less emotion) in dating?

Of course there are no guarantees that you won’t ever get hurt, but what is the safest option? Wait, is safe even an option when it comes to love?!

What is the most idiotic decision you ever made about love?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

262 comments Add your comment

kimmie

May 24th, 2011
1:38 pm

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 24th, 2011
1:43 pm

@SC

That’s the thing. I don’t know a cat that married someone he considered “average” or less in bed. Not that guys discuss their sex lives with their SO’s like that, but I’ve not once in life heard a dude say my wife/girl/etc is bad in bed.

So guys marrying the “meh” in bed chick is strange and unheard of in my humble experience.

Purple Rain

May 24th, 2011
1:55 pm

SlimNu

May 24th, 2011
1:58 pm

Dan – They didn’t say their wives were bad in bed…just that they weren’t as adventurous than the chicks from their dating lives. There is a difference. Seems to me though, since it’s sooooo important that a man would want someone who was a little explorative…but not Wide Azz open tho

Purple Rain

May 24th, 2011
1:59 pm

You want someone with potential not one who is a master all ready and has been run thru while her skills were being honed.

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 24th, 2011
2:01 pm

@Slim

Unadventurous (ultimately)= bad

Thing is, if a dude waits (or a female asks him to wait) until after marriage to do some isht, that’s buying a car without a carfax IMO.

Again, sex isn’t the single most important element but part of a complex equation. But it does throw every other input off if it ain’t right.

SlimNu

May 24th, 2011
2:05 pm

I have a guy friend of mine who just got married within the last 90 days. His wife is a super Church-goer, doesn’t believe in really drinking or being all crazy, grew up in the church blah blah blah. By his own admission he stated she wasn’t that adventurous in bed and he would have to work on getting her guard down. However, he is a super freak or at least was when he was single. So not sure how hes going to handle that

Purple Rain

May 24th, 2011
2:10 pm

Slim a man knows he can turn his woman out anyway he wants to. So it’s up to him how freaky he wants to make her.

kimmie

May 24th, 2011
2:11 pm

You want someone with potential not one who is a master all ready

Purple – Well then it seems a lot of guys aren’t good at spotting real potential.

Thing is, if a dude waits (or a female asks him to wait) until after marriage to do some isht, that’s buying a car without a carfax IMO.

Dan – That would just be my luck. At the very worst, just end up with someone I am not intimately compatible with. And yes, it would throw everything off.

Lovely Brown

May 24th, 2011
2:12 pm

@ Kimmie- that was sweet of your co-workers, hope you enjoyed yourself.

DreamsMaterialize

May 24th, 2011
2:12 pm

Just because my wife isn’t freakier than the freakiest chick I ever dated doesn’t mean she isn’t freaky enough. I mean some of that freaky ish is “been there, seen what it was like” kinda stuff anyway. Now that I’ve done it I don’t really need to do it again.

Purple Rain

May 24th, 2011
2:13 pm

kimmie, I would think that they are and just keeping it to themselves.

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 24th, 2011
2:14 pm

@PR

I know some real sales people.

Some that have sold a bill of goods prior to the rang, only to find out “no means no (even then)”

Shameful isht too

LeeH1

May 24th, 2011
2:15 pm

Desire overcomes logic, and rationalization rules the day. This same situation is seen with “Gold Fever” when otherwise smart people make dumb decisions because they think the decisions will make them rich. This can be done all by themselves, or helped along by confidence men and women. Men use women’s desires to be loved and valued to make the women unloved and valuless. Women use men’s desires to be loved and valued to make the men poor and discarded after the money is gone.

Smartness has never been a shield against desire. Sometimes, the smarter you are, the more stupid the mistake. After all, if you are too dumb to understand the payoff, you are too dumb to bet much.

Lovely Brown

May 24th, 2011
2:15 pm

Some that have sold a bill of goods prior to the rang, only to find out “no means no (even then)”

Shameful isht too

Yes, that is shameful. That’s when an anullment would be the order of the day…..nip it the bud at the first NO :-)

Celisea

May 24th, 2011
2:15 pm

PR – I would never cheat on you….only because you will allow me to :)

SlimNu

May 24th, 2011
2:18 pm

Well, he would always talk about how he needed a woman in the bedroom and that his lady was a bit ‘immature’ in that area. Well, they have the rest of their lives to get right in that dept.

Celisea

May 24th, 2011
2:18 pm

Dreams – Just because my wife isn’t freakier than the freakiest chick I ever dated doesn’t mean she isn’t freaky enough. I mean some of that freaky ish is “been there, seen what it was like” kinda stuff anyway. Now that I’ve done it I don’t really need to do it again.

Maybe I’m too “vanilla” but freak ‘em ain’t for everybody. Rationing skills on every encounter IMO tends to downplay your skills. I’m of the mindset that your best skills should be done with a special lover/love/husband. :)

Lovely Brown

May 24th, 2011
2:18 pm

I’m of the mindset that your best skills should be done with a special lover/love/husband.

Me too, you don’t pull out your best china for every dinner……

DreamsMaterialize

May 24th, 2011
2:27 pm

I’m of the mindset that your best skills should be done with a special lover/love/husband.
Celisea So suppose I’ve had three special women in my life, the last one eventually becoming my wife. Maybe my wife isn’t as “freaky” as the two before, but that doesn’t mean that she’s a dud or that her sexual appetite isn’t enough for me. But that seems to be the argument that was being made.

Purple Rain

May 24th, 2011
2:27 pm

Celisea, LOL have fun!

How does one master their bedroom skills, by trial and error, naturally gifted, quick learner, or just had some other person train them?

kimmie

May 24th, 2011
2:29 pm

Lovely – It was wonderful!

Purple – Yeah, they could be keeping it to themselves, keeping it private. But when it’s bad, you sure seem to hear about it after awhile.

Purple Rain

May 24th, 2011
2:30 pm

What if you think your potential mate is not measuring up…and quiet as kept they are thinking the same thing about you?

Angel

May 24th, 2011
2:32 pm

When I did let my guard down, he gave me his arse to kiss….no longer wearing my heart on a chain….my man has gotta work for it.:)

Purple Rain

May 24th, 2011
2:33 pm

kimmie, lol that would be the worse…talkiing to your mate about a lack of bedroom skills then they respond with “you are no spring chicken yourself” LOL

kimmie

May 24th, 2011
2:34 pm

Purple – Then you are both on the same page! :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

May 24th, 2011
2:35 pm

my man has gotta work for it.:)
Angel Are you putting in just as much work for for his heart?

Exiled!

May 24th, 2011
2:36 pm

Slim!

If a chic is young to relatively young,and dude is young too,the most complaining attribute is not her sexual prowess. It’s most def her character and most dudes will want to train her themselves or learn tgerher at best.

Now if the chic is much older and dude is about same age or older,in his mind he knows she a run thru so he is happier if her prowess measures up and she the general character is good. At an older age I would think that folks communicate about s3x more openly than they do at a younger age. That’s a plus. At that age,why marry a dud?

Exiled!

May 24th, 2011
2:38 pm

Compelling attribute

and the general character

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 24th, 2011
2:38 pm

That’s what I’m saying,

If you know this is the person you want to be with, why would you not share yourself with them fully? Why wait till after marriage to take them to the storage unit and then show them the bag of hair?

Or, wait til then to pull out the chains, whips, ball gags, and midgets only to find out they ain’t into all that?

Shenanigans!! I call Shenanigans!!

Just seems like bad logic/poor presentation to me.

SlimNu

May 24th, 2011
2:40 pm

‘How does one master their bedroom skills, by trial and error, naturally gifted, quick learner, or just had some other person train them?’

Master of bedroom skills would be contingent upon whoever is on the receiving end…what is master-like skills to one, may fall into the DUD category for another.

SlimNu

May 24th, 2011
2:42 pm

Well, why do some dudes attribute a chick being comfortable with her sexuality or sexual ability to being a ho back in the day or having many partners??? One does not have to have slept with many in order to be good at ssexing…just like some folks didn’t have to go to school for many years to be good a drawing, it may just be natural.

SlimNu

May 24th, 2011
2:42 pm

..be good AT drawing…

DreamsMaterialize

May 24th, 2011
2:43 pm

what is master-like skills to one, may fall into the DUD category for another.
Slim But the question still remains though. How do they come about those skills? Or do you just like your dude to be a blank slate that you can mold the way you want? lol

Celisea

May 24th, 2011
2:45 pm

Dreams – Maybe my wife isn’t as “freaky” as the two before, but that doesn’t mean that she’s a dud or that her sexual appetite isn’t enough for me

She may not be as “freaky” as the two before her (they could be total freakazoids…lol) but I tend to think and my experience is, even with inhibitions, if you love and feel that person to a level that surpasses, he can usually bring out all your secrets and skills. So with that said, no she may not be freaky to the degree of the other two but I suspect you would be skilled enough to bring her to a plateau that’s satisfying and gratifying enough to keep you pleased and interested.

Leggs

May 24th, 2011
2:45 pm

“…what is master-like skills to one, may fall into the DUD category for another.”

I hope not the “DUD” category. If one deems it “master-like,” hopefully another would at least give it a rating of “Good.” To drop from master-like to DUD is comical.

Purple Rain

May 24th, 2011
2:46 pm

What about some of those people who have not been introduced to certain things? Someone has to bring the subject up. You may like stuff a certain way but that is totally foreign and unknown to your partner.

Purple Rain

May 24th, 2011
2:46 pm

Celisea’s 2:45 is spot on.

The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)

May 24th, 2011
2:47 pm

Slim: “The Natural”

Now picturing sparks flying out of Slim’s CT as she rounds 3rd & heads for home:lol:

Exiled!

May 24th, 2011
2:47 pm

Slim!

Lie!

U don’t become good in bed without practicing ur craft. You don’t necessarily have to be a ho(u can call urself whatever u want tho, men have the last wrd on that!)

U can sleep with a few and then be good,depends if u a quick study.

I doubt that’s how most of u became good tho! :lol:

Celisea

May 24th, 2011
2:47 pm

And maybe not always hinged on this —>if you love and feel that person to a level that surpasses, he can usually bring out all your secrets and skills.

but feeling a dude something crazy coupled with “skills” ummm, you can take it where you want to go with it.

SlimNu

May 24th, 2011
2:49 pm

How do they come about those skills? Or do you just like your dude to be a blank slate that you can mold the way you want?

Dreams – Of course I don’t want a perfectly blank slate at this juncture in my life because I don’t want the headache of having to Tell him every single little thing. I would assume that experience or skills would come from having some sort of trial run, whether it was with one chick that took the time to show him the ropes or a couple. I don’t live in the fairytale land thinking that any guy I meet is a virgin. Yes, i would like some room for us to try some NEW things out or be open to exploration but not have to come to the table twirling my thumbs hearing crickets in the background lol

Celisea

May 24th, 2011
2:50 pm

PR – 2038…looking forward :)

SexyCool

May 24th, 2011
2:51 pm

Regardless of the history/experience that I had prior to TheDude, the connection that we share makes me more at ease with him than I have ever been in the past.

DreamsMaterialize

May 24th, 2011
2:52 pm

but I suspect you would be skilled enough to bring her to a plateau that’s satisfying and gratifying enough to keep you pleased and interested.
Celisea Exactly my point…love it when you think how I want you to. j/k lol What other chics have done has nothing to do with who I make my wife. If I wife her, then she has what I want/need. So what you up to this weekend? Was thinking about going to the “plateau”..wanna come?

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 24th, 2011
2:53 pm

@PR

I disagree.

Catch any female, at the right time, and she ain’t een gotta know his name for ‘it’ to come out.

That waiting until love/feeling isht is gabage and bad strategy.

@Dreams

Do you really care? Google search her name and nicknames and as long as it wasn’t Ray J, some or all of any sport teams, does it matter?

Celisea

May 24th, 2011
2:54 pm

Dreams – love it when you think how I want you to……So what you up to this weekend? Was thinking about going to the “plateau”..wanna come?

We channeled on this one :) We can swing the weekend but I can’t speak to plateaus and stuff.

Exiled!

May 24th, 2011
2:54 pm

I wld luv to hear TheDude say the same thing about that connection(regardless of ur sexual history) to me… :lol: ,in your absence!

SlimNu

May 24th, 2011
2:56 pm

Sometimes a connection & chemistry with a person will make you not think twice about going into “THE FURTHER” or in other words, go beyond the point of no return lol (Insidious reference) So folks bring out certain things in you that others may not be able to do.

SexyCool

May 24th, 2011
2:58 pm

Leggs – If one deems it “master-like,” hopefully another would at least give it a rating of “Good.”

Not necessarily. Someone could be a master at a particular sexual skill that turns another person off. So, it doesn’t matter how skilled a person is if their partner is not into that.