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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Love: Is your heart an idiot?

What is it about love and romance that tends to drive out rational thoughts and behavior?  You can be a confident, brilliant person but once you fall in love you can tumble into a deep abyss of dumbness.

I read about a documentary by Found Magazine creator Davy Rothbart, called “My Heart is an Idiot”.  The title struck me as funny but I actually have thought the same thing about my heart at times.

When you add emotion and sex to any dating “situation” you run the risk of getting caught up.  Sure, you can try to pretend that it’s not happening, but it sometimes the dumb behavior starts.

You overlook red flags, you tolerate things you never thought you would, and then you somehow believe you’re in love.  Do you think that we do the dumb things because are following our heart?

What do you think you learned from following your heart versus following your head (i.e. more logic, less emotion) in dating?

Of course there are no guarantees that you won’t ever get hurt, but what is the safest option? Wait, is safe even an option when it comes to love?!

What is the most idiotic decision you ever made about love?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

262 comments Add your comment

CoolShadow

May 24th, 2011
7:40 am

What is it about love and romance that tends to drive out rational thoughts and behavior?

I think it’s the quasi-druglike induced state some people go through when they’re in love. When it’s good, it’s euphoric and all’s right with the world. When it’s bad, it can bring out some of the worst emotions in people like anger and depression. Problems ensue when people in love don’t have a good counterbalance of emotion vs. rational thought.

You overlook red flags, you tolerate things you never thought you would, and then you somehow believe you’re in love. Do you think that we do the dumb things because are following our heart?

Yes because we’re following our heart and sometimes emotion can override logic or either have the mindset that we want to be in love. But you can’t will yourself to be in love, it just happens (or doesn’t).

What do you think you learned from following your heart versus following your head (i.e. more logic, less emotion) in dating?

Try to seek a happy medium between logic and emotion. If you drift too far toward one, it may cause a problem with your relationship. I tend to be more logical and it has created issues for me, but then having your nose wide open can set you up for trouble as well. And when in love, a lot of your emotional comfort lies within the behavior of the person you’re in love with, since you’re emotionally vulnerable and their actions will often dictate your direct responses to their actions.

What is the most idiotic decision you ever made about love?

This is probably best answered by perpetrators of crimes of passion.

IN DENIAL

May 24th, 2011
8:22 am

Jerimiah 17:9 will provide the answere to this discussion. The heart is the most treacherous & desperate thing you can rely on. Who can no it?

joe

May 24th, 2011
8:23 am

Some people fall in love too fast and too often so their hearts (and heads) are permanently idiotic. Slow down and get to know the person first!

IN DENIAL

May 24th, 2011
8:23 am

oops”Know”it. My Bad

Randyt (Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

May 24th, 2011
8:44 am

Have I ever done “dumb things” because of women, romance, sex, etc.??? I’ve only scratched the surface the last five years on here. Most of the time I look back and wonder if I did anything that wasn’t dumb. when it comes to relationships, I don’t get simple blinders on…I get a black garbage bag thrown over my head.

As I’ve said before, I’m not on here recounting the things I’ve done right…I’m here reflecting on all of the things I’ve done wrong, and hopefully learned from. I’ve had indicated before that I have no illusions about which is really the stronger sex…and the reason for that is that a woman’s “perfume” totally “effs” up a man’s head. He can be totally reasonable in work, in war, etc., but introduce a woman into the equation (the prettier the more dramatic the change) and he turns into a slobbering, blithering idiot. It is what it is.

Reality

May 24th, 2011
8:45 am

Yes it is. The heart does not deal in logic and rational. It looks past all of the blazing red flags and seeks only what makes it feel good…even if it’s for a short time. It is the part of you that becomes bored or disillusioned when things don’t go as planned and the brain says “See, I told you.” Women are 70% heart (emotion) and 30% mind (logic). Men tend to be 40% lust, 20% heart and 40% brain. Women see a picture of what they want and desire, sometimes since childhood. The feeling of being wanted and needed. They have the dreamy world of the princess and the prince riding off into the sunset to live happily ever after.

Men have that same dream, but comes woth a few extra links. Snow White is wearing stilletos, thigh highs and can barely wait until they get to the castle before she tears his clothes off. Then she asks if her super hot best friend can join in. LOL

SlimNu

May 24th, 2011
8:48 am

Good morning and WOW :shock:

Big Un

May 24th, 2011
8:50 am

Most of the time, the heart becomes disappointed because the reality of the situation rarely lives up to the build up, at least after the first few months. I think that LUST is more realistic in it’s expectations. It focuses on the here and the now. The brain notices the red flags and files them away. It sends the “Spidey Sense” when the virus rears it’s head and says “OK, this is something you need to notice and deal with now.” The heart says “It’s OK. He/She is entitled to a few of these, but the heart doesn’t keep count. It dismisses them until the brain says “If you keep going in this direction, you’re gonna pay for it”. By this time the heart has on blinders until it’s too late.

I’ll stick with LUST, thank you very much.

Lana

May 24th, 2011
8:56 am

Never let your heart interfere with what your brain says. Most of the time, relationships don’t live up to the hype and while getting hurt or disappointed is unavoidable, it can be tempered. Deal with the REAL world and then see if your heart has any differing opinions. Food, Water and Sex rein supreme in the real world. Don’t believe me? Look at the media. The media is a form of satisfaction to the whims and wants of society. Tou gotta have food, you gotta have water and sex is on the mind of everyone. If love develops as a result, that’s icing on the cake.

Wifey

May 24th, 2011
9:01 am

There is no thing like love in reality…at least not in the rpmantic novel sense. Respect? Yes. Being considerate? Yes. But to hang your hat on Sleeping Beauty or Prince Charming as a standard love story is foolish and dumb. There is compatability and friendeship and aside from that, it’s all smoke and mirrors.

Ark2011

May 24th, 2011
9:02 am

If you want me, kiss like a hungry woman, move your hips like it’s attached by a ball socket and a libido a mile long and wide, my heart is with you. My brain says some pretty good things as well.

Fion

May 24th, 2011
9:19 am

What do you think you learned from following your heart versus following your head (i.e. more logic, less emotion) in dating?

Falling in Love. The emotional exchange. The giving of one’s self to another is tricky on a good day and can be down right treacherous the other 6days.
I don’t think I ever went into a relationship with a feeling of just falling and floating along aimlessly.
I dove in as a willing participant.
The key thing I learned is to know when it’s over and leave.

Fion

May 24th, 2011
9:20 am

P.S. In keeping with the fairytale theme,

Just remember Cinderella only went to the Ball once.
As long as you keep that in mind being a Hopeless Romantic can be Fun!

Leo

May 24th, 2011
9:40 am

What is the most idiotic decision you ever made about love?

Staying with the wrong person hoping it would get better and knowing deep down that it wouldn’t. Now that I am out of it and over it I have met a fantastic man and I am so much happier. It would have been best to listen to my mind….but like most people I held on until until I was finally pushed past my boundaries which MADE me make a change….

Randyt (Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

May 24th, 2011
9:43 am

“Wait, is safe even an option when it comes to love?!”

I ran the health and safety one time for a cell phone tower build. The guys whose job was to build it piece by piece up into the sky wore t-shirts that said “A life lived in fear is a life half lived”. Love is like that…if you hold back out of fear, then you only experience a small bit of the joy, the intoxication, the highs and lows that make love AND life worth living at all.

In other words, in spite of it all, jumping in with both feet is still the best way IMHO. Throw caution to the wind and savor the insanity. ;-)

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 24th, 2011
9:47 am

Yeah, I harp on the reality of life v the fantasy all the time (on here and in real life).

Romantic movies are fictional, the stories your homegirls (homeboys too) tell you are edited heavily, and – most important- what you (or the people you ask for advice/ ibtch to) think your love should be has nothing to do with the reality when of the person you’re dealing with.

Being in love is a selfish emotion. It makes you think, act, and behave selfishly – like crack. Showing, receiving, and giving love should provide the real world context that informs your actions when dealing with your chosen mate.

Are you/she/he going to act stupidly – yeap; if you didn’t humans would propogate as a specie.

Should Love keep you on stupid – nope; not if it’s real and growing.

Lovely Brown

May 24th, 2011
9:49 am

Good Morning all! :-)

Staying with the wrong person hoping it would get better and knowing deep down that it wouldn’t.

I have done this. But I really don’t think it was my heart that was keeping me tied…..

Good sex, no great sex is a helluva drug.

David

May 24th, 2011
9:53 am

I would like to think that following the heart, falling in love and staying in love is the end all, beat all. But life is the best, abet, cruel teacher. She gives you the answers first, then asks the questions. I will never, EVER get married again. Now if I can just get out of this one without being reduced to the pauper I was when I graduated from college. It doesn’t look that good…..

MC Hammock

May 24th, 2011
9:56 am

High 5’s Lovely Brown. I’ve stayed in relationships too long because we were simply golden when we were in bed together. Outside of that, we argued, did things differently and had different opinions about everything. But for those two hours, we managed to tolerate each other and enjoy it to the max. It is indeed a powerful drug and very addicting.

Big Un

May 24th, 2011
9:58 am

I’ll take the great sex over a LOT of things. It’s just hard to look past it with a clear head. Especially when you can say “This woman is head and shoulders, the best I’ve ever had….and probably will have.”

Fion

May 24th, 2011
9:58 am

@ Lovely

Sho ya right. I was involved in a bad relationship once. She was bad for me, I was bad for her, but Man oh, Man was the SEx ever great. I’ve never been hooked on drugs, but damn that Gilr had me strung out on that Thang!!!!

Fion

May 24th, 2011
9:59 am

I meant Girl…….

The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)

May 24th, 2011
10:02 am

Wow… Big John Isner (Damn Good Dawg), actually managed to take a set off Rafa at Roland Garros… On serve in the 3rd…

Celisea

May 24th, 2011
10:12 am

Morning,

Ah yeah, been there done that. Mind altering sex..lol Like MCH said, in bed it was all good, out of bed and everywhere else it was chaotic and volatile. The more I was with him and the longer (aside from sex) the more I disliked him. As the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. As “pristine” as my rearing was he was the one and only dude that after so long a time of not liking one another, I evolved to doing the “do” with him, void of emotions, no feelings…just great sex. Only problem with that would be getting rid of him….ugh Yeah, that’s my kid’s father.

Have there been others that I’ve had an idiotic heart for? Not so much. Not saying there haven’t been times when I would have done different but an idiot for? Not really. IMO and strictly that, idiotics should lay to those of a certain age and time. No matter how much in love you think or feel, you should be able to discern when you treading dangerously stupid waters. Just my thoughts on this :)

SexyCool

May 24th, 2011
10:15 am

“Do you think that we do the dumb things because are following our heart?”

That’s a rhetorical question, right?

Leggs

May 24th, 2011
10:19 am

Good morning! Nice comments.

Love: Is your heart and idiot! YEP! When the lustfulness abates, and you actually start dealing with each other on a more rational plane, perhaps you’ll be able to not have your nose stretched too wide open. This is when you can take off the colored glasses and see things with a clear lens. We all do stupid things in love, but when you deal with logic and with eyes wide opened, some idiotic antics hopefully can be avoided.

knockoutblonde

May 24th, 2011
10:20 am

Been there, done that. That’s what the term “Friends with Benefits” comes from. No strings attached, but you both know that in bed, you can blow each other’s doors off. I mean I dated the guy for as long as I did JUST because he could do things that STILL make me remember him fondly….and wish for a few more meetings with him. Ever heard someone say “I would date him just so I could **** him.” Well, he was that guy.

David

May 24th, 2011
10:23 am

That’s what got me where I am today. When we dated, we made adult movies look tame…and we did it any and every where. Every time I touched her with whatever body part seemed to make her jump like she had been touch with a live wire. Now, she says she just doesn’t think like that any more and we disagree about everything. I still don’t condone hiring someone to bump off your spouse…..but I understand it….

kimmie

May 24th, 2011
10:26 am

Morning All!

I’ve done dumb things because I was in lust or deep like. Yeah, staying with the wrong one way too long, hoping things would get better is at the top of the list.

The ones I’ve actually loved, a mature love, made me make more rational decisions regarding them. The love was not reckless.

I enjoyed fairytales as a child and romance novels and romantic comedies as I’ve grown older. But I never recall any of them having any influence over any decisions I’ve made in real life. I just can’t fathom that, though I suppose it happens since it comes up often on this blog. I’ve had it drilled in my head to just deal with the real.

SlimNu

May 24th, 2011
10:27 am

Anyone ever been sooo ‘in love’ with someone that you stayed around even though the bedroom tales were WACK? or does that only work when the bootay is good?

DreamsMaterialize

May 24th, 2011
10:33 am

Morning
Your heart is not dumb, it’s genuine. We (our minds) are dumb for allowing the heart to pursue desire for desire’s sake, with no contraints or inhibitions. It is the mind’s job to determine when the pursuit of our desires is potentially adverse to our overall well-being.

David

May 24th, 2011
10:36 am

SlimNu, nope…doesn’t matter how we get along otherwise, if the bootay is bad, the deal’s off, Nyet, Nada, Ain’t gonna happen.

Celisea

May 24th, 2011
10:37 am

David – Having a spouse snuffed is NOT okay…lol Don’t entertain that thought or the joy of too long please.

Fion

May 24th, 2011
10:39 am

Swiss if it goes down, it’s right up there with Buster Douglas vs. Tyson!

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 24th, 2011
10:39 am

@Kimmie

You have no.idea how often people are trapped in that fantasy (of their own creation no less). The imbue the person with traits they don’t possess, attributes they don’t have, all in an attempt to reconcile their hearts to their minds.

For me, it (mature love) is/was being able to say “I don’t like that you do ‘x’, but I love/like you enough to deal with it.”

@SlimNu

Bad sex will get you a cab ride home, after the door is shut with my back to you talking on the phone (loudly) to my special friend.

So no, no staying for the D.

The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)

May 24th, 2011
10:40 am

Holy Sh!t! Isner up 2 sets to 1 on Rafa at the French!

SlimNu

May 24th, 2011
10:40 am

Daaaaaang, so seems like sex is a HUGE bonding agent for the sustainability of relationships…Being a great supporter, a great cook, a terrific mother to the kids etc all get negated if the puddy comes to a ZERO rating. Hmmm, interesting…

MC Hammock

May 24th, 2011
10:41 am

SlimNu, Nope, Nada, Nyet, Ain’t gonna happen. If the Bootay is bad, that’s the deal breaker no matter how well we get along otherwise. At my age, I don’t have the time or the desire to be teaching what goes where and for how long.

Fion

May 24th, 2011
10:43 am

@ Slim

That’s the counter balance (Great Sex) to all the negatives. Without that, to stick around you’d
have to be a masochist .

Lovely Brown

May 24th, 2011
10:46 am

I still don’t condone hiring someone to bump off your spouse…..but I understand it….

@David- I do too….I fully understand :-)

Randyt (Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

May 24th, 2011
10:47 am

Don’t think, just jump into the water. You can’t fully apprecicte the highs without experiencing the lows…and if you try to overthink or over analyze you will never make that leap of faith. By the way, remember what the first four letters of analyze spell.

Playing Doubles

May 24th, 2011
10:48 am

MCHammock 10:41 10:36

abc

May 24th, 2011
10:50 am

I think some of you are hormonal or something, with your singular fixation on sex. It’s like it’s what you live for.

Don’t blame your heart for being an idiot — you don’t think with your heart, it’s just a muscle. If you allow emotions to override rationale, then chances are yes, you’re being an idiot, or at least taking a big chance. I should know, I’ve been a complete idiot and taken very foolish chances in the past. Still do. Bummer.

MC Hammock

May 24th, 2011
10:51 am

SlimNu, yep it is. None of that would make a difference. Relationships always boil down to the two of you. Some people get so caught up in the kids, domestic stuff and other sidelines that they forget the most important things…each other. Since sex is a huge part of a relationship, if it played a large part in the compatability scheme and it isn’t there, that’s a recipe for disaster. maybe some people don’t put it very high on the totem pole, but I do. If you develop a disliking to it or you put it way behind the other parts, that’s when the dike starts crumbling. It’s OK for a brief period, but if it starts out that way, there’s no way to go but down.

Randyt (Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

May 24th, 2011
10:51 am

A very successful was once asked by a kid, what the secret of his success was. He answered, “I always jump at opportunities”. The kid then asked, “How do you know what is an opportunity?” The investor ansered, “you don’t, so you just have to keep jumping!”

Randyt (Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

May 24th, 2011
10:52 am

a “successful investor” sorry.

Celisea

May 24th, 2011
10:53 am

I agree with abc’s post. I think some things can and should be chaulked up to experience but repeated offenses only to laid blame to blinded by love is just an excuse. Age brings about a time of waking up and heightening your senses and “how” you experience. No one in their 30s, so forth and so on should be gullible.

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 24th, 2011
10:56 am

@Slim

Those other things are important – no doubt.

But, if the sex isn’t good, there’s a space created for someone else to fill.

Not to say that great sex is anymore or less important than parenting, cooking skills, or being a good person/partner; just another area (sometimes a big one) where Mr. or Mrs. Charlie can come right on it and mess up a hole heap of stuff.

kimmie

May 24th, 2011
10:59 am

Dan – Fantasy of their own creation indeed. While I thought she was being a little harsh at the time, my mom forced me to always live in reality. I so appreciate that now. Makes life so much easier to deal with.

Lovely Brown

May 24th, 2011
10:59 am

SlimNu- I don’t think all those things get negated if real love is there.

Yes, I still believe in true love….I think I found it this time.