Dating: Too soon to meet the kids?
A reader wants advice on how to handle a situation with her new beau. He threw her for a loop when he introduced her to his two kids last weekend. She was not expecting it and they had not discussed it beforehand. They have only been seeing one another for a couple of weeks.
To make matters worse, the kids were not exactly on their best behavior. She is a single woman with no children and little experience with them. She is an only child so she is not an Aunt – she isn’t a Godmother, either. She is pretty much the definition of childless. Her life literally has not had to revolve around children in any way, shape, or form…until this weekend.
You can imagine how uncomfortable she must have felt. I believe this had an impact on how the kids received her…or rather how badly it went. Since she has to adjust to kids, I doubt waiting longer would have made much of a difference.
Do you think meeting the children of your date before the three month-mark is a good idea?
If you have children, when do you decide that it’s time to bring your significant other around them for the first time? How do you handle it? Is it a major thing or do you sort of let it unfold in a casual surrounding?
Are you childless and dating someone who isn’t? How do you make it work? What is the best advice you have for someone who has to warm up to the idea of having children around?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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297 comments Add your comment
Celisea
May 19th, 2011
3:16 pm
SexyC – tough spot to be in. I know that there was a place that I had to get to with buddy even after seeing/hearing/knowing/ignoring enough far sooner. What kept me from getting to that place at the first sign of trouble was fear. Fear and avoidance. I feared facing the truth that was plain as the nose on my face and I wanted to avoid the pain of the loss and the path to recovery. I wish your friend strength and bravery, but most of all, peace. Because peace is most important
So true. So so true. Your well wishes are very much appreciated. I will be certain to pass on to her.
SlimNu
May 19th, 2011
3:20 pm
Purp – I don’t put much stock in what someone says in their sleep either. It’s not like we can really control what we dream about or even remember what the dream was once we wake up. My dog i used to have would move her little legs like she was running, in her sleep. Now THAT was funny to watch.
I don’t have too many sexual dreams but I’ll never forget that one time I woke up twitching in my sleep from dreaming i had just bust one. It was Sooooo real
Celisea
May 19th, 2011
3:21 pm
You know Raqi – Honestly on this side of marriage, that’s easy..zero tolerance for cheaters. No reason for me to deal with that…no matter how much the hurt. If I was married though, that’s a tough one because no one wants to just walk away from time and investment. I dunno….I really can’t say what I would versus wouldn’t do nor will I blame someone that wants to stay….all within reason of course. She’s got me by a few years so buddy has got to be 50 or knocking 50…just too dang old for that mess. If they were young and starting out then some growing and learning room there but when a dude is still a fool at 50, I may have to chaulk up my losses and call it a wrap.
Raqi V
May 19th, 2011
3:23 pm
I don’t really know what I would do if my husband cheated on me. I have different thoughts stemming from my heart, soul and mind separately as to what I think I may do, but I really don’t know for sure. It’s a hard call.
Part of me believe that everyone is capable of sincerely coming back from a wrong doing. Just think about all things you yourself have done and now made good on. But then another part of me believe that once you have opened that door you will walk back thru again given the chance.
One of my friend’s husband stepped out after they had been married 5 years. The got back together after a year of being separated and I honestly believe he has never done it again. It would be unfair to think or say otherwise with him having matured and found a better way.
Celisea
May 19th, 2011
3:23 pm
Raqi – I too believe people can redeem themselves so I’m not quick to write from off…all within a marriage (I can’t do that mess if not held to vows) but a man that’s half a century, ut uh…he probably won’t ever change. Especially seeing he’s not change his behavior from the last 15/20 years and probably won’t.
Purple Rain
May 19th, 2011
3:26 pm
IF you were cheated on and took that person back could you really in your heart of hearts forgive them fully and not think about it anymore?
Raqi V
May 19th, 2011
3:26 pm
Celisea, my comment right below yours states my feelings on it. But I do have to say when it’s clearly a habit that they obviously are not caring to or trying to break then one is forced to get out and not be subjected to such disrespect and hurt.
Leggs
May 19th, 2011
3:26 pm
@SlimNu ~ nice to come back from a 2.5 hr mtg and read about your SO’s dream. I would have laughed too. I understand the leg thing. I sometimes pop up in my sleep wondering WTH am I?
Also, I thought Salt was a damn good movie.
@Raqi v ~ there’s a male parent that many of the girls at school flock to whenever he’s around. Including mine. They all call him Uncle ______. You know parent day or parents meeting in the gym for a broad annoucement, stuff like that. It is so unnerving. I had to tell him that my child will not be calling him Uncle anything and that I was uncomfortable. He smiled and said that I had nothing to worry about because he was “harmless.” I said the fact that you told me that tells me differently. I’ve been watching him ever since. And my child addresses him by his name (at least in front of me she does). You’re right, you have to be careful. What damn parent has kids at a school calling him Uncle?????
Let me go back and see what else you guys are talking about!!!!
Celisea
May 19th, 2011
3:29 pm
Raqi – Nothing wrong with not saying concretely that you’d leave. I think it’s normal to not WANT to walk away from a marriage…even if you decide to do so.
Raqi V
May 19th, 2011
3:30 pm
(I can’t do that mess if not held to vows)
Exactly. That makes all the difference in the world. And yes, there is no fool like a silly old fool.
Lovely Brown
May 19th, 2011
3:33 pm
IF you were cheated on and took that person back could you really in your heart of hearts forgive them fully and not think about it anymore?
I tried it, it didn’t work. Everytime he would step out the door I would wonder what he was up to. That is no way to live.
Purple Rain
May 19th, 2011
3:34 pm
If you value and respect your mate you will not cheat. If you do cheat you don’t value or repsect your mate…no excuses. Now why would you want to be with someone who does not value nor respect you.
Purple Rain
May 19th, 2011
3:35 pm
Lovely Brown, thanks for answering. If you had to do it over again would you had given that person a second chance?
Raqi V
May 19th, 2011
3:36 pm
Celisea, I just remembered something I said once to my hub. I was angry with him and he knew I was but he was making light of it. He asked me “so what you going to do divorce me?”. Out of anger and get back I told him he isn’t rich enough yet for me to divorce, being that it was a money issue at hand.
I got a
nice littlespanking for saying that. LOL I just love those little spats that end every so lovely.Exiled!
May 19th, 2011
3:36 pm
Where are all the Mormons in Atlanta so at least we can change this subject.
At least I can be able to find people with whom I have something in common.
That was for u SlimNu!
Raqi V
May 19th, 2011
3:36 pm
Leggs, all those pedophiles say they are harmless.
BeenThereDoneThat
May 19th, 2011
3:36 pm
How did we get on the topic of cheating when the conversation was supposed to be about when to introduce the kids to someone we’re dating? I’m out.
SexyCool
May 19th, 2011
3:39 pm
I’m sure we wouldn’t have noticed you were gone if you hadn’t made that announcement.
Lovely Brown
May 19th, 2011
3:39 pm
If you had to do it over again would you had given that person a second chance?
Yep. I loved him. I have to admit, he was a hard one to shake
SexyCool
May 19th, 2011
3:42 pm
If I had to do it all over again, I would have kicked his Richard Johnson in and told him to kick rocks.
Raqi V
May 19th, 2011
3:43 pm
LovelyB, I don’t think the thought ever fully leaves based simply on my relationship with Whitebread. After finding out he was a lying cheater every man was a lying cheater as far as I was concerned for a good long time. Even men that I didn’t know nor were trying to come at me were cheaters and liars. LOL So no, the thoughts stay. However I have never experienced it in a marriage but I believe it would forever be in the back of mind if it did happen.
Purple Rain
May 19th, 2011
3:44 pm
Lovely Brown, thank you for your honesty. I remember in college I cheated on a girl she took me back. I knew I could get away with it again and again and I did until I got tired of her. I grew up eventually.
Sexy Cool, lesson learned!
Leggs
May 19th, 2011
3:45 pm
Exactly my point, RaqiV. The use of that particular word. They use it like it’s a salve for the parent.
@PR ~ that’s pretty much how I feel (3:34). How can you put your feelings for me, for our marriage to the side and sex another or even have a relationship with another???
SlimNu
May 19th, 2011
3:46 pm
IF you were cheated on and took that person back could you really in your heart of hearts forgive them fully and not think about it anymore?
I have been there, done that and most definitely DIDN’T forget about it. Every time he was out of sight, whether it be out with friends or in the bathroom with the cell phone, my mind would never rest from pondering if he was up to some shenanigan of sorts. I was beginning to live a life of merely trying stay one step ahead of him on any trifling behavior before he got over on me. I didn’t like living that way…
So when I got into my current situation w/the Beau, i had to have a talk with myself on refraining from being that way again. I have all access to his spot and I want to respect that he’s allowed me that privilege. He lives his laptop open and unlocked and sometimes his fb page open and I leave it where it is. Once you start looking, it starts to consume you.
DemeNik81
May 19th, 2011
3:46 pm
As usual this blog starts on on a good note then turns out to be garbage once the lonely girlfriends club gets involved. I am sure their are other blogs you all can have girl talk on. Wise Diva this makes your blog stink and people are starting to stop taking it serious. Too bad though because you do come up with many good dating topics for discussion.
Leggs
May 19th, 2011
3:48 pm
@SexyC ~ he wouldn’t have been able to kick rocks until some later after kicking his richard johnson in! His reflexes wouldn’t be working. No way he could kick rocks (lol).
Raqi V
May 19th, 2011
3:49 pm
But I do know this for sure, if I found out my husband and one of my best friends are getting it on behind my back I’m taking both of them out. Period. No LOL, No J/K, No HaHa. My sister can take care of my kids.
Exiled!
May 19th, 2011
3:49 pm
I know u don’t know but do u think Hilary and Bill are still married?
They hold hands in public wldnt that be so hard if they faked it?
Lovely Brown
May 19th, 2011
3:52 pm
DemeNik81- Well good afternoon to you too!
SexyCool
May 19th, 2011
3:54 pm
DemeNik81 – yeah…well….all of your wonderful contributions are certainly appreciated.
There is a little red X in the top corner of your screen. There is a little white arrow floating on your screen as well. Take your mouse and move the little white arrow over the little red X and right click. I’m sure your issue with this blog will be immediately resolved.
Purple Rain
May 19th, 2011
3:54 pm
They never divorced Meeloo
Leggs
May 19th, 2011
3:56 pm
They’ve been “bred” to do that, Exiled!
Leggs
May 19th, 2011
3:57 pm
SexyCool
May 19th, 2011
3:57 pm
LOL – Purp.
SlimNu
May 19th, 2011
3:57 pm
Deme – Have you been around these here parts for a long time or a short while?
Purple Rain
May 19th, 2011
3:59 pm
Sexy Cool, clothes…shoes….
Raqi V
May 19th, 2011
4:01 pm
LOL SexyCool. I was just sitting here thinking I have never seen him/her post a comment so…
And the last I checked infidelity is very much a dating issue.
Exiled!
May 19th, 2011
4:03 pm
U being stingy with ur views PR/Leggs
Do u think,assuming they’re still married,that Bill has stopped? He travels with Terry Mculafe etc and without Hilary and ummm,yeah Bill knows how to have a good time!
Maybe Hilary is getting hers on the side as well with a young stud,who knows…she’s a sharp lawyer
that would be some consolation then…and the two of them agree never to f!??;ck again after that Lewislutskey debacle!
Leggs
May 19th, 2011
4:05 pm
@SexyC ~ that is the best answer ever given to someone who complains about this blog!
DemeNik81
May 19th, 2011
4:05 pm
@Slim Nu…I have been around “these ATL parts” for a while. A little background on me: Own three businesses, and write two nationwide social blogs of my own. This is purely entertainment for me. Once or twice a week I see the topics while I am reading the paper online. If it looks interesting I stop in. Pages 1-3 are usually on topic. I then skim the last page to see if I want to post anything just for laughs. But of course the topic has changed so drastically that I am totally thrown off. Wise Diva you could be on to something great and very lucrative if you expand your audience. Take it from me I have already done it.
Leggs
May 19th, 2011
4:07 pm
@Exiled ~ I was making a joke with my comment. But to be honest, it has never once occupied any space in my brain whether they’re together or not. Cuz, Frankly My Dear, I don’t give a dayyuumm…..
SexyCool
May 19th, 2011
4:08 pm
We are so honored that you have graced us with your presence.
Exiled!
May 19th, 2011
4:09 pm
Leggs,I know u don’t but like anything else here just just for discussion then we go home,right!
I was making a joke too….in fact I’m a joke! Lol
Carry on!
Leggs
May 19th, 2011
4:10 pm
Now now now, SexyC. You think that was a proper hello (LOLOLOL).
Raqi V
May 19th, 2011
4:11 pm
DemeNik81, congratulations on your success, but I don’t think WiseDiva prevents any audience from coming thru the door. Heck sometimes this thing barely gets 2 pages yet and still it’s pretty much the same faithful few that keeps this thing running.
I am not on the welcoming committee (that’s Leggs), the usherboard (that’s Amazon and SexyC), nor the board of trustees (that’s the alphabet man) but I have never seen any of them nor the moderator not welcome new participants.
Amen and goodnight.
Leggs
May 19th, 2011
4:11 pm
@Exiled ~ your posts are so riddled with sex, I can no longer determine what’s a joke and what isn’t a joke.
Hmmm
May 19th, 2011
4:12 pm
What about the idea of introducing your child to your pregnant, married to someone else girlfriend a month after you were kicked out, which my soon to be ex-husband did?
SexyCool
May 19th, 2011
4:15 pm
Leggs – it just irks me when folks come in all derisive regarding what goes on in/at MIA. This is a *online community.* It is more than a single-topic blog. We don’t just comment on the topic. We actually have a conversation.
And while Deme’s accomplishments seem rather impressive to him/her, I’m usually less than impressed by one who has to toot their own horn’s in order to seem better than. In my opinion, it actually makes that individual less than.
And for the record, I don’t recall anyone asking for a curriculum vitae.
Leggs
May 19th, 2011
4:16 pm
With that being said, DemeNik81, perhaps you can come back and comment along with others to make the first 3 pages since you feel that’s when a more thoughtful conversation is taking place. Hope to see your moniker again!
SlimNu
May 19th, 2011
4:17 pm
Deme – I was asking because basically, not every topic is something that can be discussed for a whole 8hrs without beating it to death and everyone here. Many of us have been bloggers for the last 6/7 years and even with the regularity, we do not prevent any new folks from joining us. Maybe you’re taking this a bit too seriously??? MISadventures in Atlanta…so Cheating is pretty much in line with the original point of the blog. But what do I know.