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Dating: Too soon to meet the kids?

A reader wants advice on how to handle a situation with her new beau.  He threw her for a loop when he introduced her to his two kids last weekend.  She was not expecting it and they had not discussed it beforehand. They have only been seeing one another for a couple of weeks.

To make matters worse, the kids were not exactly on their best behavior.  She is a single woman with no children and little experience with them.  She is an only child so she is not an Aunt – she isn’t a Godmother, either.  She is pretty much the definition of childless.  Her life literally has not had to revolve around children in any way, shape, or form…until this weekend.

You can imagine how uncomfortable she must have felt.  I believe this had an impact on how the kids received her…or rather how badly it went. Since she has to adjust to kids, I doubt waiting longer would have made much of a difference.

Do you think meeting the children of your date before the three month-mark is a good idea?

If you have children, when do you decide that it’s time to bring your significant other around them for the first time? How do you handle it? Is it a major thing or do you sort of let it unfold in a casual surrounding?

Are you childless and dating someone who isn’t? How do you make it work? What is the best advice you have for someone who has to warm up to the idea of having children around?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

297 comments Add your comment

Celisea

May 19th, 2011
12:45 pm

Kimmie – He was practically drooling and commented he thought she was older than she was.

Pleeeease say it ain’t so. Just irkes me…gheesh

Mo/Lady – :)

Leggs – We’re seeing eye to eye

PR – I’m rubbing it in because it’s always funny how some (on here) will assume you aren’t ACTIVELY dating… I think Dan welcomed someone the other day and said it’s good to get input from someone “actively” dating. I don’t know if that meant input from someone outside of “marriage” or “finally, someone in a relationship.” I just thought that was funny.

Leggs

May 19th, 2011
12:48 pm

@czB ~ I was a co*cky child with mouf! I got slapped in it a lot, but it has also helped me out of a few precarious situations!

Purple Rain

May 19th, 2011
12:48 pm

Leggs how did I know you would say something like you did in your 12:42?

Celisea

May 19th, 2011
12:48 pm

I tell you, it’s something when I’m out and about when I see men not sure if they want to look at me or her. She’s beautiful but looks like a “girl” still. I mean she’s crossed the entrance of puberty but she ain’t a full fledge full grown woman, nor does she look like it. She’s getting a really cute shape but she looks every bit of 13 or 14…and she’s 16. How the heck is that appetizing to a grown man? But yeah, my 19 yo niece told me a dude rolled up at the car wash (after school gig) and looked at all the girls there and eyes locked on my kid…I THINK NOT….she said I yelled to him “15 will get you 30.” That’s what I’m talking about…

Leggs

May 19th, 2011
12:49 pm

Because I like to flip the script…that’s how you know.

Purple Rain

May 19th, 2011
12:49 pm

Celisea, why must you continue to break my heart, does that bring you joy? :( lol

Leggs

May 19th, 2011
12:51 pm

Meaning, sometimes you guys think you’re the bomb diggity, hitting all cylinders when you’re taking too long to finish and we want you off! :lol: :lol: :wink:

Leggs

May 19th, 2011
12:52 pm

Good one, PR. That was a good one! :lol: :lol: :lol:

czBrat

May 19th, 2011
12:52 pm

leggs and reign both got me smdh.

Celisea

May 19th, 2011
12:53 pm

PR – Nothing but love for you dear, nothing but love :)

Purple Rain

May 19th, 2011
12:53 pm

Leggs, you are sticking to your predictable script not flipping it. LOL

Purple Rain

May 19th, 2011
12:54 pm

Leggs, refuses to accept that a man can give a woman good sex…..ever. LOL

Purple Rain

May 19th, 2011
12:54 pm

Celisea, that person needs to be shot.

Leggs

May 19th, 2011
12:55 pm

I do not, PR. I most definitely do not agree with that. Take that back!

Leggs

May 19th, 2011
12:56 pm

Why do people even say “take that back?” The words have already been spoken. :lol:

Purple Rain

May 19th, 2011
12:59 pm

Own it Leggs, own it! LOL

Leggs

May 19th, 2011
1:01 pm

I ain’t….I know men can give mind blowing sex…I’ve been the recipient on more than one ocassion (pppppffffffftttttt)!!!

Purple Rain

May 19th, 2011
1:04 pm

Leggs, now we agreed that you would never speak publicly about our tryst!

Celisea

May 19th, 2011
1:05 pm

Exactly…I believe in giving a 16 year old 16 yo rope but I don’t believe in leaving her to the wolves.

SlimNu

May 19th, 2011
1:06 pm

Slim, you need something to soothe the back of your throat?

Purp – So you just want me to walk right into that setup huh? I’m under the weather but my brain is still in some form of working order. Thanks tho

Purple Rain

May 19th, 2011
1:06 pm

Leggs, wait…you said more than once! Are you admitting to cheating on me?

Slim, I really hope you feel better. You must be really sick because I was expecting you to retort with a stinger. A big hug to you (sibling style not a freaky hug), get better champ!

Leggs

May 19th, 2011
1:08 pm

PR’s wang is acting like a metal detector…just waiting on the right beep to set him off. (SlimNu’s brain still works so dodged that “sting”.) :lol:

Purple Rain

May 19th, 2011
1:09 pm

Leggs, please don’t start talk about my wang again. Meeelloo maybe lurking. LOL

Leggs

May 19th, 2011
1:12 pm

I forgot about that, PR. :lol: :lol:

How do you know we’re “under” the weather? Why can’t we be “in” the weather?

Purple Rain

May 19th, 2011
1:13 pm

Leggs, I don’t know why people say “take that back” lol

Slim just said she was “under the weather” After a little thought, everyone is always “under the weather” :)

Leggs

May 19th, 2011
1:13 pm

My post says it’s 1:12. I just posted that at 1:15. The blog machine has been showing signs of wear and tear and mental stress for a couple of weeks now.

Purple Rain

May 19th, 2011
1:15 pm

I am feeling “over the weather” today

Leggs

May 19th, 2011
1:17 pm

Now it says, 1:13 when I actually posted at 1:16.

Mrs. Tazzee

May 19th, 2011
1:22 pm

Afternoon folks! I’m catching up but I had to say this

SCool – you can walk to Busy Bee? I would NEVER cook if I was that close to Busy Bee. Not that I cook that much now…

Back to catching up.

SlimNu

May 19th, 2011
1:27 pm

Purp – I guess my stingers aren’t feeling too well either. Otherwise, you’d be picking em outta ya azz right about now. lol

Hey, do any of yall talk/walk/move around a lot in your sleep when you’re dreaming? I had the best laugh this morning. The SO must’ve been having a serious dream because he got to moving, twitching and next thing I know he JUMPED up all fast, almost sounded like he fell out of the bed. Even though it startled me, I tried my best not to laugh because I didn’t want to alarm him but more importantly, I wanted to sit back and see what else he was going to do. Anyhoo, this morning I asked him what he was dreaming about and told him what he did. I just couldn’t hold it in. I was like, were you base jumping in your sleep because I almost thought you were going to take off running for a second. :lol: :lol: Oh man, I was literally in tears laughing. He said someone was trying to drag him by his legs so he was attempting to break free.

Back to your regularly scheduled program

SexyCool

May 19th, 2011
1:34 pm

Yeah…but Taz…I would end up being as tall as I am wide if we go up there too often. As it stands, M and I said that we would have to do our entire 2.5 mile walk the next time we go up there for dinner.

Oh…the desserts…the desserts…

kimmie

May 19th, 2011
1:39 pm

SCool – They have probably upped the prices over the years, since they are still so popular. But cool, you had a good experience! And “walking” would be my excuse to go often! I’d say “we can go eat that good food and “walk” it off!LOL!! Sounds like you are living the life though! I always dreamed of living in a cool neighborhood where I could walk to a pub or eatery. I have a good friend that used to live in Midtown, in a brownstone apt. We used to sit on the brick stairs in the front and drink wine and talk, holler at the neighbors. Or we could walk to several cool spots. It was fun.

Celesia – It still turns my stomach when I think about how he was looking at my baby!

Leggs – I said yesterday, an empty wagon makes the most noise!!!LOL!!!

SexyCool

May 19th, 2011
1:41 pm

Should have said “as wide as I am tall.” (lol)

SexyCool

May 19th, 2011
1:45 pm

Yep. Totally loving the location. Weekend before last, we walked over to the MARTA station, hopped on the train and walked down to the Sweet Auburn festival. We shared food from several booths, ended up at the Coors tent, where they were serving free food and free drinks.

kimmie

May 19th, 2011
1:45 pm

SCool – I used to work with a lady that baked some of their cakes. I actually “auditioned” to do some baking for them, but was turned down. It’s okay, they are a tough act! It was an honor just to be nominated! :)

kimmie

May 19th, 2011
1:48 pm

SCool – Was it a layer cake or a pound cake? If it was a layer key lime, I got a good recipe I can get you.

SexyCool

May 19th, 2011
1:48 pm

At $5 a piece for those super slim prices, I have already looked up a recipe for key lime cake.

SexyCool

May 19th, 2011
1:50 pm

I meant “super slim slices”

SexyCool

May 19th, 2011
1:51 pm

And actually, the prices aren’t *that* bad, the portions just seems rather small. But then too, for soul food, that’s actually not a bad thing.

DreamsMaterialize

May 19th, 2011
1:54 pm

Hey everyone.

I’ve not introduced my daughter to anyone. Sometimes I think I never will, but I think there has to be a balance. If she never sees me interacting with a woman, being affectionate with her, treating her with respect, then it leaves her to get her ideas of male/female interaction from somewhere else, which is out of the question. There is some benefit to a child seeing healthy male/female adult interactions.

Raqi V

May 19th, 2011
1:56 pm

Lunchtime Observation:

It’s hot again.

It’s just not an easy task carrying a 28 lbs sleeping toddler, 2 large red Target bags and a purse from the car to the door and successfully unlocking the door trying not to drop anything especially the baby.

Raqi V

May 19th, 2011
2:00 pm

for soul food

SexyCool, my cousin gets offended the phrase soul food. She said it’s home cooking which anybody can do if the learned to. It’s not a black thing. LOL

But I don’t pay her any mind. She is on that 2520 being from France and living in North stuff. LOL

And no she cain’t cook no soul food nor home cooking.

Raqi V

May 19th, 2011
2:01 pm

LOL SlimNu.

I have been forcefully elbowed once and pushed out of bed once. Both times I just went around a slept on the other side of the bed. When he woke up later he asked why was on that side and I just said because I don’t take to kindly to being brutalized while I am trying to sleep.

Now the friend I just left husband talks in his sleep. A lot.

SexyCool

May 19th, 2011
2:02 pm

LOL – folks aways gettin’ offended about something. And that she cain’t cook….just wow…laughing….

SexyCool

May 19th, 2011
2:03 pm

But I will agree with her from one standpoint, I never thought of it as “soul food”…until I “went out into the world”….(lol)…before that, it was just the food my family cooked all the time.

I will also say that “Black folks ain’t the only folks that have souls…but we do seem to have the market cornered on *soul.*”

Purple Rain

May 19th, 2011
2:04 pm

Interesting take on soul food. I always took Southern Cooking as soul food.

SlimNu

May 19th, 2011
2:06 pm

Raqi – Yeah he did roll over too almost laying on top of my head and sometimes he talks. I told yall he is a federal agent so once time he was having this conversation about some guy not having any ID. So if I’m stopping by his crib at night or napping, I always try to make a point to let him know i’m coming because I don’t want to get shot walking in the house during one of his dreams. lol

kimmie

May 19th, 2011
2:06 pm

There is some benefit to a child seeing healthy male/female adult interactions.

Dreams – I agree.

They were talking about this very subject, introducing the kids, on Steve Harvey and on Frank & Wanda one morning about a year ago. Steve was along the lines of most of us – introducing once things look to be pretty stable and not a revolving door. Getting to see how you all interact together, yada yada.

Frank came off on this whole other tip, and one I’ve come across before actually. He said not to introduce the kids at all until you decide get engaged! He was like, why do you need to meet my kids? You’re in a relationship with me, not my kids.

I had a guy tell me that once. Obviously we did not get engaged, but I did end up meeting his daughter. But by that point, it was pretty much over and I really didn’t care one way or the other.

SexyCool

May 19th, 2011
2:08 pm

O/T – I think the French dude did it. And I think that if they release him, he will flee the country. And…I don’t think his American journalist wife will leave him unless/until he is sent to prison.

Raqi V

May 19th, 2011
2:10 pm

LOL SexyCool, exactly.

She eats porridge and we eat oatmeal. LOL