Dating Dilemma: Not ready for sex
Have you ever been in a situation where you decide to postpone/delay getting physical with someone you are dating? It can be difficult explaining why you aren’t ready. You don’t want to send the wrong message that “not now” actually means not ever. So how do you tell someone you just need more time?
Everyone has different waiting periods – from minutes to months – when it comes to deciding when they want to hook up. You would think that it is easy to meet someone with similar waiting periods, but it can be tricky.
While one person is ready to “get it out of the way” before things get too serious, someone else may want the opposite.
How do you bring it up when you see that you are headed to that part of the night when you want to cool things off before it goes to far?
What would happen if your decision to delay sex is met with hostility? Is that one of those defining moments that can make or break a relationship?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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288 comments Add your comment
Exiled!
May 18th, 2011
11:36 am
PR….let’s talk about ur real lyfe experiences if u don’t mind…
U have said ‘no but I am still interested’
How did the ho$ny thirsty one take it,was her h$0rny ego still intact after that rebuff?
Purple Rain
May 18th, 2011
11:37 am
Exile, I am married to her, that’s the most recent experience
Exiled!
May 18th, 2011
11:42 am
PR….damn she’s hot!
and I’m sure she wont regret the move coz when u were ready u came in well tricked out like some classic cadilac!
Lol
Dave
May 18th, 2011
11:43 am
In my experience, hang ups are the big barrier. No, some people just don’t WANT to experiment or learn. They think something is dirty or wierd. Many times, you can’t buck or break that. You can TRY to train or convince, but if they aren’t gonna do it, then they aren’t gonna do it. Even if they do it, theu won’t enjoy it because they just have that mental block. Don’t fight it. Either accept that this is the hand you are dealt or move on. I choose to move on.
As far as love and sex, I’ve been in love and had good sex and BAAAAAAAAD sex. In starining my tiny little brain, the most breath taking sex I ever had…and I mean this chick could take the first pitch out of the park on the first swing, was someone that I knew through work and she made the fourth of July happen every time. The bad thing is that I know how it CAN be….but hasn’t been that way ever again. Why didn’t I end up with her? She didn’t want to be tied down and I was just her flavor for about two months. But I knew that whomever was next, that man thought the same thing I did.
Purple Rain
May 18th, 2011
11:46 am
She respected me more for making that decision and it let her know how I felt about her and respected her
Purple Rain
May 18th, 2011
11:48 am
Exile, when I was ready to she wasn’t ready to. LOL
Willie Dynamite
May 18th, 2011
11:51 am
Morning All,
I have no problem with a Chick expressing there desire to wait. She doesn’t owe me anything. Even after time and money has been spent she still doesn’t owe me anything. I have the choice to make if I want to continue down that road. To each there own. HOWEVER, for me during the dating phase of my life, Physicality was a general progression of the budding relationship. No timetables but if we have progressed in our dealings to that being the next logical step then…….I would have a problem if that point came and we both knew it but still nothing. Being a gentleman I would excuse myself from the equation. Plus my ego doesn’t do so well if it thinks I’m getting some for any reason other than ‘I just gotta have him’.
Exiled!
May 18th, 2011
11:55 am
PR..I was told in the past that she wasn’t ready….I left them intact(no pun) do that another man can have them.
I like to get the pressure off quick so we can focus on less vane stuff…
czBrat
May 18th, 2011
11:56 am
i think people with hangups tend to have hangups about more than just sex. i also think people with open minds tend to be open-minded about more than just sex. what i’m saying is, without knowing exactly how a person will be in bed, if you’re taking the time to get to know them you would pick up on a few things that tell you if they lean toward the very conservative or the wild side or somewhere in between. making that move into the bedroom should not reveal an absolutely shocking dealbreaker (unless your s/o failed to mention they’re transgender
)
and as reign said, fine tuning the dance should be part of the fun.
kinda bored with this now so … reign, amuse us with a few more yuks please.
Willie Dynamite
May 18th, 2011
12:02 pm
In my experiences the truly unihibited Chicks treat Sex like a Sprint. Nothing wrong with that. The prudish (outwardly June Cleaver types) treat Sex like a Marathon. Nothing wrong with that. Know your lane and find a running mate that can match you stride for stride. Some 40 yard dashers are great for a few romps and tend to re-invent the 4th of July very frequently. Some prudes have a helluva stride once you get deep into the race.
czBrat
May 18th, 2011
12:08 pm
ahhhh, willie. have i told you lately that i luv you?
Lovely Brown
May 18th, 2011
12:20 pm
Some prudes have a helluva stride once you get deep into the race.
Sounds like the Kentucky Derby…..there is always a pace horse( the unihibited chick? ), they come out fast like gangbusters, but they never win the roses.
It is the horse that stays back in the pack( the prude? ) and picks the other horses off one by one with a steady pace and comes on strong in the end that wins……
Exiled!
May 18th, 2011
12:27 pm
Lively Brown…it is the horse that stays back in the pack….and comes on strong in the end that wins the race….
hmmmmm,u talking of a one on one,man to woman s3ual romp or that analogy works best in a three_Some of two females and one stud?
Fion
May 18th, 2011
12:29 pm
@ Willie D
Here, Here!!! Nothing like discovering a closet Freak.
Celisea
May 18th, 2011
12:32 pm
Sweet Lord in heaven….EYE CANDY migrated to the new floor with us…not one but 2…mmm mmm mmm. Wonder if he saw me do a double take?? Work just got better
Lovely Brown
May 18th, 2011
12:34 pm
@ Exiled- There is only one “horse” that wins the roses.
Makes me think about Talladega Nights, Ricky Bobby’s dad- If ya aint first, ya last
Willie Dynamite
May 18th, 2011
12:37 pm
Brat – uhh no you haven’t, but its understood. Just give me a smile after that wink and I’m good.
Brown – They each have there place. Some seasons and situations call for that pace runner. Life may be a Marathon but this weekend might not be the time for that slow build.
Fion – 99% of them are. You just have to bring it out of them. 1 mans prude is quite possibly another mans Kapri Styles.
Lana
May 18th, 2011
12:38 pm
I prefer a little bit of everything depending on the location, mood and lead up. Sponteneity and creativity are what makes the good, great. Sometimes you feel the need for just all out lust and other times, slow and steady. Both horses can win in the race designed for them. Quarter horses are great for short distances, cutting and manuverability. Thoriugh breds are great for the mile race, but only moving in a straight line. It’s the ability to mimick both breeds that makes one more of a winner. IMO (since we brought up the horse analogy)
SlimNu
May 18th, 2011
12:38 pm
Well, i’m just strolling in but any dude that catches an attitude if I choose not to sleep with them is just plain WACK. At our age, you should have those type emotions in check with someone not being ready to give you some puddy.
Still trying to catch up
TenderRoni
May 18th, 2011
1:06 pm
random: Man I just saw the cutest guy in Walmart
Fion
May 18th, 2011
1:11 pm
Things that remind me of Great Sex.
Finding $20 in a coat that I haven’t worn since last winter.
Sunny day at the beach!
Red Ferrari
Marvin Gaye’s “Since I had You’
In conversation with 2 interesting Women
Great Food at Dinner Party
Top down at 100+ Mph
Purple Rain
May 18th, 2011
1:28 pm
I had a real gangster moment at Walmart:
The line was really long both of them that they had open. After waiting and the line moving slow I just walked up front cut in front of the redneck that was next and said “I’m Next!” Lady rang me up and now I am back home. That was totally uncalled for but damn it feels good to be a gangster! LOL
Dan - Simply....Superior
May 18th, 2011
1:29 pm
@willie D
I hear you, truly.
But after a while my leg cramps and my chest start to hurt, I can’t be running marathons with no end in sight.
While I may have flubbed the analogy, my point holds. If it’s in there and the guy has to turn Sissphus to get to it, at a certain point, I’mma let the boulder roll over the next fool.
Purple Rain
May 18th, 2011
1:33 pm
Dear Chair,
I know you get more ass, but I get more head.
Sincerely,
Pillow
SlimNu
May 18th, 2011
1:34 pm
Purp – I’m not going to see the Mrs on Mob Wives am I after that gansta move at Wally world? lol
Purple Rain
May 18th, 2011
1:36 pm
Slim, SooWoo
SexyCool
May 18th, 2011
1:38 pm
Marathons usually end after about 26.2 miles…and you can usually get it done in three and a half to seven hours.
Purple Rain
May 18th, 2011
1:38 pm
I caught an alien jacking off in my freezer.
Me:”What the hell are you doing?”
alien:”I cum in peas”
Dan - Simply....Superior
May 18th, 2011
1:42 pm
@SC
Ask Richard Pryor’s dad’s widow.
She.literally.killed.a.man.with puddy
Purple Rain
May 18th, 2011
1:45 pm
Guys, I have a crush I know I shouldn’t and I am not going to act on it but damn I can’t deny it I have a crush.
Raqi V
May 18th, 2011
1:48 pm
Alphabet Man are you still around? I need your professional man/father opinion.
Purple Rain
May 18th, 2011
1:49 pm
Feels good to get that off of my chest. LOL
Fion
May 18th, 2011
1:50 pm
@Purp
….I’ll play is safe and assume it’s not the Alien!!!!!
DreamsMaterialize
May 18th, 2011
1:50 pm
Is your crush close to home Purp? You could be in the danger zone if it is.
Raqi V
May 18th, 2011
1:54 pm
Where is 2CPTG? He can answer this for me.
Raqi V
May 18th, 2011
1:55 pm
DreamsMat, hey I didn’t see you.
I saw a nice pocket today that I would like to get the hub for father’s day from his two littlest ones. The one I saw and like is $75. Should I be looking for a nicer one or is that about how much a pocket watch is going to be.
Raqi V
May 18th, 2011
1:57 pm
I saw a nice pocket WATCH…
Danggit.
Purple Rain
May 18th, 2011
2:03 pm
Fion, no it’s not the alien. LOL
Dreams, I saw her a few months ago and noticed she was I would not say very beautiful but it was just something about her that was “attractive” anyway I would see her in the morning I thought sporadically whenever I was at the gas station.( I fill up the tractor twice a week and I just drive it to the station) So I started to notice that she was there whenever I was there, I thought to myself her little car does not burn that much gas. After a while I noticed that she was just getting coffee and a breakfast sandwich. I played it cool and never really made I contact but I do watch her. Well this morning she smiles and decides to speak. Well I just said “hello” and she stood there giving me all of the signs to pursue really quickly I said “have a nice day” she said “you too, I will see you friday morning” To me that tells me she has been watching me also, and knows the days that I come in there. I can’t switch up my days because she is there everyday, and I am not going to change gas stations or run from her. I am not going to get to know her or anything but human nature is a bitch there is something I am attracted to about her.
abc
May 18th, 2011
2:03 pm
yo Raqi
Purple Rain
May 18th, 2011
2:06 pm
Exile, I am not Catholic, she probably doesn’t know I am married but regardless I am not doing anything with her or asking her name or anything
Exiled!
May 18th, 2011
2:07 pm
PR…u catholic right?!
maybe God(not the Devil) is telling u something…..good!
If she don’t know u married,leave her alone. If she knows…well,dust her off!
Fion
May 18th, 2011
2:10 pm
Hey!!! Hey!!! Arnold……..I mean Purp. Down boy, down.
For all that is good and decent Purp you just cannot do it.
If that’s not good enough, think all the kids that look up to you!
Raqi V
May 18th, 2011
2:10 pm
abc, I saw a nice pocket watch today that I would like to get the hub for father’s day from his two littlest ones. The one I saw and like is $75. Should I be looking for a nicer one or is that about how much a pocket watch is going to be
Purple Rain
May 18th, 2011
2:14 pm
Fion, I am not going to do anything. I just wanted to get it off my chest
SlimNu
May 18th, 2011
2:15 pm
Not asking her name or anything would make it more exciting I’m sure. lol
Celisea
May 18th, 2011
2:16 pm
Plus you have a new little one…that’s motivation enough to K.I.M.
DreamsMaterialize
May 18th, 2011
2:16 pm
Hey Raqi. I actually haven’t worn a watch in a few years. I have about six, all nice and in excellent condition, just sitting there. lol I would say $75 should be fine. Not trying to deflect, but I think if you like it, it must be pretty good quality. You seem to have an eye for that, so go with it. Oh, and when is father’s day again? lol
abc
May 18th, 2011
2:17 pm
You can get a decent pocket watch for that much; Staur makes some nice ones that go up to around $200. Start adding jewels and all, the sky’s the limit, it could be Rolex prices if you go far enough. My own preference is along the lines of vintage railroad pocket watches, depending on age/type/condition, anywhere from $500-$3500, occasionally more.
But, for a reliable and good looking watch, $75 should be plenty. Get quartz movement instead of mechanical, probably less, and more reliable; most pocket watches are mechanical, though. Which is fine.
Maybe you could get the old man a nice vest w/watch pocket and watch chain to accessorize.
Fion
May 18th, 2011
2:18 pm
@ Purp
Volleyball Diva update. It ain’t over, but it will be within 2weeks.
kimmie
May 18th, 2011
2:19 pm
Speaking of Arnold, yall seen the pictures of the baby mama? I thought he had done better. She looks kinda old, older than 50.