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Why do you need marriage?

I don’t think that anyone should be talked into marriage.  If you don’t want to marry, you definitely should not do it.  You know what you want, right? So ..I don’t understand why people try to convince people who do want to be married, that they are wrong for wanting to get married.

A couple I know have been together for a couple of years and one of them decided that marriage is not what he wants.  This is causing quite a dilemma now because he wants to convince his significant other that being together should be enough.

What do you do when you realize that your views about marriage has changed since you first started dating someone? How do you explain the reason you want and need to get married?

A lot of people change their outlook on something, but when that has an impact on the person you are with, how do you figure out what to do next?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

299 comments Add your comment

Mark

May 17th, 2011
7:47 am

ASB

May 17th, 2011
8:01 am

Yes, I am currently in a relationship where my partner feels that just being together should be enough and we don’t need a piece of paper to validate us. However, I want to be married. We have two children and have been together for years.

How are we going to work things out? I don’t know. I am not one to give an ultimatum because I would always feel I wasn’t his choice. When I walk away, it will be the end.

Reality

May 17th, 2011
8:06 am

Oh for the love of all that is sane and holy…..do NOT ever get married! You will look back and curse that day for the rest of your life!

Al

May 17th, 2011
8:13 am

Al: Why in the world to you want to get married to Marci?

Ron: Because we’ve been together for a while and I think it’s what we should do.

Al: OK, take old man Roberts for example (points towards a feeble, wrinkled, old man at a table talking to himself and shaking). He had it made. Women, parties, EVERYTHING. Then one day, he decided to get married and have kids. Now look at him.

Ron: Well he looks like he had lived a long, wonderful life full of decades of love.

Al: He’s thirty two…..

MzNewy

May 17th, 2011
8:25 am

LOL @ Al

Marriage is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly but if one of the partners has a “change of heart” about getting married but still wants to stay together, that warrants a discussion. Something he/she has seen makes them say “nu-uh marriage is not what I want” and it may have nothing to do with the significant other. It may be a relationship gone bad that he/she witnessed.

MzNewy

May 17th, 2011
8:26 am

O happy Tuesday! I hate I missed a great topic yesterday

Lady

May 17th, 2011
8:35 am

@MzNewy~Marriage is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly <~ WORD UP!

Cameron Diaz

May 17th, 2011
8:38 am

Marriage is SO outdated and not really applicable in today’s world.

MzNewy

May 17th, 2011
8:43 am

@ Lady – girl when I was younger I wanted so bad to be married, yet all my friends that got married young are divorced with the exception of a small handful. When I really sat down and thought about those vows, I can honestly say I am glad I didn’t get married because until now, I never felt I wanted to REALLY do those things. In sickness and in health is really deep; I mean really while folks don’t want to think about it, you are saying no matter what I will be there for him/her and that is not just a bad cold but God forbid it be something that requires you to truly take care of them like cancer or paralysis. For Better or for worst is not just a bad hair day. I think if folks REALLY think about what those vows entail, we would have folks less likely to give ultimatums of Marry me or else.

I want a man who understands what those vows are all about and truly takes them to heart. Wise said if someone changes their mind how do you figure out what to do next…well it starts with saying “Thank you for being honest that you can’t stick with me in spite of any circumstances. I would rather find out now, before I encounter the circumstances than later when I am in the midst of those circumstances.” Then you breathe, and move on.

Fion

May 17th, 2011
8:43 am

If you are Procreating (having children) IMHO marriage is not an option, but rather a necessity.
If he is 65 and she is 60, does it really matter If they are married.

Stacey

May 17th, 2011
8:45 am

Marriage is just not necessary. It’s outdated. Looking back, I would not have done it.

Rightwing Troll

May 17th, 2011
8:55 am

From a man’s perspective, I say don’t get married. Shack up and make babies, but don’t get married. That way if and when it does end you won’t lose half (or more) of all you’ve worked for… you’ll lose the kids regardless in the state of GA. It seems having a penis only qualifies you to write checks, not raise kids according to the conservative courts of GA.

Lovely Brown

May 17th, 2011
8:58 am

This is a very interesting topic.

I want to see some more responses before I chime in…..

Good Morning Everyone! :-)

Fion

May 17th, 2011
9:03 am

Wise on topic,
Holla at ya Girl and tell her Ol’ Boy just did her the BIGGEST FAVOR of her life.
If, (operative Word “IF”) they have talked about this in the past and it was agreed that a Marriage Union was the Destination and now he has changed his mind, what else does she really need to know.

Fion

May 17th, 2011
9:05 am

Aye man,
Marriage ain’t for the faint of heart. If you cannot see yourself Loving someone
Unconditionally, leave it alone.

Just sayin’

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
9:09 am

Good morning! This is going to be interesting.

:lol: :lol: @AI. Cute!

When one party changes their mind toward marriage and the other doesn’t, nothing but trouble and a slew of second guessing. If a person wants to be married and the other doesn’t, then you’ll either settle into living together or get out. If you feel there’s no room for compromise, then why make yourself miserable by living with a decision that goes against the grain of what you want. You either stay or you leave (even if kids are involved). You have to think of the children, along with your desire to be married to someone who doesn’t want to be married.

Simple Man.....

May 17th, 2011
9:10 am

Morning folks….

Getting married is not the end all to be all…especially when two people have a successful relationship without it. Now I know some of our more religious family will us the biblical argument for marriage but IMO, That too is a dated concept that folks us to justify their choices without having to really own them…..

chez04

May 17th, 2011
9:11 am

Marraige is a stressful situation for soem; Two people can outgrow each other and that is what most fail to realize. On the other hand, some will stay in these situations because of fianncial reasons – that is if either one has a good job. Marriage could be but is not the answer to two people living together and understading each other. Protocol “back in the day” is marriage but not in today’s contemporary world. Many wish they couyld turn back the hands of time and be single – but yet they stay in these marriages as they are not happy with 50% sharing. What more can I say?

chez04

May 17th, 2011
9:14 am

Marraige is a stressful situation for some; Two people can outgrow each other and that is what most fail to realize. On the other hand, some will stay in these situations because of financial reasons – that is if either one has a good job or moreso the wife sits at home and look at the TV all day…..she will not leave a marriage. Marriage could be but is not the answer to two people living together and understading each other. Protocol “back in the day” it was all about marriage but not in today’s contemporary world. Many wish they could turn back the hands of time and be single again – but yet they stay in these marriages as they are not happy with 50% sharing. What more can I say?

tbills

May 17th, 2011
9:15 am

I am glad I waited until I was older to get married and gave myself the opportunity to travel, get an advanced degree, be independent. Marriage is a blessing and hard work and should not be entered into lightly,

chez04

May 17th, 2011
9:16 am

Tbills – that is what I am talking about – get an education so you do not need to stay in a maraige because you do not have a good job…………way to go!!

blue-eyed-blonde

May 17th, 2011
9:18 am

Good Morning Bloggers! After being in a very rocky marriage and even worse divorce I swore I’d never marry again….aind I haven’t. But not sure if I would back down if I really fell for someone and he wanted marriage. I think I really just crave the companionship but if it was that important to him I would probably go the marriage route again.

Mr_NYC

May 17th, 2011
9:24 am

Good Morning All
@Simple Man – That too is a dated concept that folks us to justify their choices without having to really own them…..
Great point, my jury is still out on this question. I appreciate that nuance of making a choice and not really having to own the logic leading up to it.
DISCLAIMER – No offense to any intended

Lovely Brown

May 17th, 2011
9:46 am

On the other hand, some will stay in these situations because of financial reasons – that is if either one has a good job or moreso the wife sits at home and look at the TV all day…..she will not leave a marriage.

Some do stay married for financial reasons, just like some people stay single for the same reason.

I guess the part that got me about your comment is the wife staying home watching tv…..

That is str-8 BS. I was a SAHM( stay at home mom) and believe me sitting on my ass watching tv was not a part of any of my days. I think about those days and I smile when I come to work now :-)

Also, you do know that there are more men, husbands at home now than ever before. I would not dare say they are all sitting on their asses watching TV……

Been There...No Thanks

May 17th, 2011
9:50 am

Bottom line…MARRIAGE IS HARD! No matter how compatible, no matter the amount of love, no matter how many years you’ve been together. MARRIAGE IS HARD! Expectations are high. Exepectations are not met. People get bored. And it’s hard to breathe life back into a relationship after so many years of being together. The concept of marriage is great. But people, including ,myself, mess it up.

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 17th, 2011
9:52 am

Last point first: if I’m with someone to share this life’s journey with, I wouldn’t expect them to follow suit with every change in thought process or conclusion that I come to; however, I would expect them to respect my changes and understand them.

One commenter already spoke about “growing apart”, that happens (IMO) when people are communicating and respecting each others decisions. If I suddenly become vegan, I’m not asking my girl to become vegan too, I’m merely asking her to respect and understand my choice.

“Growing apart” presupposes that people grow “together” over the years, and that’s not true. You would hope to grow closer in love as two distinct individuals as opposed to some hive-minded hybrid of the two people that entered into a relationship.

Bottom line: healthy and respectful conflict isn’t a bad thing (in life or a relationship)

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
9:53 am

And it’s hard to breathe life back into a relationship after so many years of being together.

↑ Only if you haven’t been working at keeping it fresh everyday of the marriage. Marriage is something that has to worked at religiously. You can’t let it fall into the hole of boredom! You should spice it up every day, all the time. Even little things goes a long way. When you start taking it for granted, that’s when you find resuscitation efforts have flatlined….

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 17th, 2011
9:54 am

when people *are not communicating

abc

May 17th, 2011
9:54 am

Marriage is a Christian institution. If you can’t be as Ephesians 5 describes, then don’t do it. If you don’t marry, and shack up instead, then you’re living in sin. Be a Christian, or don’t be a Christian, it’s your choice.

R.New

May 17th, 2011
9:56 am

I think most avoid the “piece of paper” because they fear it will complicate their ability to just simply leave if that need ever arises. If you can argue that you’re just as fine without the paper, then why wouldn’t you be with the paper? The fact of the matter is it’s not just a piece of paper. It legally binds you to that person who you claim to love and will be there for no matter what. It essentially calls your bluff. Now, of course you could still leave, but matters would be a bit more complicated.

R.New

May 17th, 2011
9:57 am

@abc-well put.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
9:58 am

@R.New ~ well said!

Leo

May 17th, 2011
10:02 am

Hmm. What about the ego aspect of a partner changing their mind or someone you love not asking you to marry them after a long period of time? Would you not be thinking about your lover’s motives and thoughts, like maybe they’re thinking “you’ll do until something better comes along?” or “you just ain’t the one?” etc…they may say they just don’t want to get married but you can make your mouth say anything,it’s what’s in the heart that counts….Would you start wondering what’s really in their hearts….?

Simple Man.....

May 17th, 2011
10:04 am

“If you don’t marry, and shack up instead, then you’re living in sin.”

As defined by who???

Lovely Brown

May 17th, 2011
10:09 am

R.New @ 9:56- good post!

Bill Clinton

May 17th, 2011
10:09 am

I’m looking for some hot interns. Send me an email if you’re interested…but, be sure include a photo.

just me

May 17th, 2011
10:10 am

@ abc

Really? Marriage is a Christian institution? The bible isn’t a replacement for a history book.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
10:10 am

@Leo ~ I almost posted something along those lines, but wanted to wait until the conversation moved along. What about after ending the relationship because he or she wouldn’t marry the person only to find that they married someone else a few months later. What a low blow!

abc

May 17th, 2011
10:10 am

As defined by the Bible. What other authority on sin is there?

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 17th, 2011
10:11 am

@Leo

That’s where knowing your partner comes into play. And, yeap, the ego and one’s insecurity will lead to those questions.

Again, talking to and knowing the person you’re dealing with helps. However, you get to that line in the sand and they aren’t able to cross it with you, that tells you something too.

Jessie Jackson

May 17th, 2011
10:11 am

African-American women know they will not get men to commit; consequently, they enable several brothers to share several sisters without commitment.

DB

May 17th, 2011
10:11 am

Marriage is hard — but infinitely easier with the right person. Pick someone who has a sense of honor, a sense of family and a sense of purpose, and it’s much easier than marriage with someone who is only thinking of what’s best for them, and how this relationship is going to work for “me, me, me”. When you become part of a marriage, it becomes “what’s best for US”, not “what’s best for me”.

I find it hilarious that people choose to live together before marriage to see “if they can get along.” Wasn’t that what “dating” was for? Date someone long enough, and you can pretty much zero in on the things that bother you or don’t bother you. How she is with finances, how is he with children, etc.,etc. Pretending to be married is NOT the same thing as being married. There’s a mindset — “I can always leave” — but as many people on this blog can attest, it’s often just as hard to leave a long-term partner as it is to ditch the spouse, by the time you finish arguing over who really owns the sofa, who does the dog love best, and that amazing picture you bought in Italy . . . Marriage is a commitment. Living together is not — in fact, it’s designed NOT to be a commitment.

The only people who think that marriage is “outdated” are the ones who haven’t been able to make a go of it. Obviously, there’s something wrong with the institution of marriage — it can’t possibly be something wrong with them, or the partners they choose. Riiiight . . .

just me

May 17th, 2011
10:13 am

@ abc

So Christians get married and non-Christians i.e. Buddhists, Muslims, Jews….. what? A civil union?

abc

May 17th, 2011
10:13 am

Just Me, yes, of course marriage is a Christian institution, an invention of God. There is no other definition for it. Legal arrangements concocted by man are only that: legal arrangements, civil unions. Marriage is defined by the Bible.

Fion

May 17th, 2011
10:17 am

@Jessie Jackson

That has nothing to do the Institution of Marriage. You are taking about Hoe’s!

just me

May 17th, 2011
10:18 am

abc

May 17th, 2011
10:18 am

Jewish marriage is also defined by the Bible. Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus, Wiccas, Sun God worshippers, hey, whatever. That’s just barely germane to the topic, but have at it if you wish.

Lovely Brown

May 17th, 2011
10:18 am

Leggs- that happened to my aunt. She supported him for years( even while he was incarcerated), they have a grown daughter together but never married. He married another chick. My aunt was devastated. She tried to act like she wasn’t. Oh, he and the chick are separated now and we all think that my aunt and him are messing around again( I don’t think they ever stopped)

Love ?????

just me

May 17th, 2011
10:20 am

Jewish marriage is also defined by the bible? Nice.

Again, church isn’t a replacement for school.

abc

May 17th, 2011
10:21 am

Be a Christian or don’t be, just me. Be anything you want. It’s your choice.

MzNewy

May 17th, 2011
10:22 am

@ DB youare on it! I can and will make a go of it with my current. You are right some folks want all the benefits of being married without the commitment marriage requires! I don’t think it is outdated. What I do think is that you (in general) must know who you are before you get married and look at your “deal breaker” list CAREFULLY before getting married. and like you said in your 10:11 post, date long enough to know your partner.

Simple Man.....

May 17th, 2011
10:22 am

Ok..abc..I won’t offer any further commentary on the validity of the bible when it comes to defining sin because the contridictions are supassed only by the depth belief from the followers….

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
10:23 am

@Lovely Brown ~ it’s love and regret. Does she know why he married someone else? If so, the reason wasn’t enough to her psyche/ego to kick him to the curb permantely. Or, is she simply holidng on for the sake of holding on to a memory, a past history? Love and lust can sometimes be very hard to distinguish. If she’s messing around with him she’s messing with a married man.

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 17th, 2011
10:25 am

@DB

I can tell you first hand that living with someone before getting married could halt that wedding real quick. Bag of hair.

Celisea

May 17th, 2011
10:27 am

Morning,

As with anything else in life, people do what they want to do, no matter the work. It’s a cop out if a dude says he wants to give it a go and subsequently switch gears. I would pull out if that’s something we initially decided together. Reason being, I would still be wanting wishing and hoping yet fooling myself because he’s already he’s no longer interested. I’m not surprised by the masses saying marriage is outdated and old. Don’t blame “marriage”…it’s not broken and nothing has changed since God instituted. Aside from “marriage” no one else is left to blame but the two people.

Simple Man.....

May 17th, 2011
10:29 am

Wait a minute…since when dose marrige equate to a person not being able to leave if they decide to do so??? Just in case you guys have forgotten, teh divorce rate in this country is upwards of 60%!!! And surevys say of those that are married, more than 80% would rate their marriage as less than happy. Now I will not bashed those that chose to get married, but to say that there has to be something wrong with those that dont is just silly…. The biblical rules of marriage are as foolish today as the biblical rules that say if a husband dies the wife must marry his brother, or any of the other silly guidelines that were laid out in the old testament….

abc

May 17th, 2011
10:31 am

Simple Man, you haven’t offered any commentary at all on the validity of the Bible. It’s not as if anyone’s commentary on that validity matters much, anyway. You either believe it, or you don’t. One can say that it’s about personal choice and free will, but I figure it’s about God: the only thing that will bring you to God is God Himself. If you don’t believe, it’s because God hasn’t called you. It’s a somewhat Calvinist perspective.

I don’t fault people for their conflicting viewpoints, but their perspective doesn’t alter my own. Take it or leave it. Your choice.

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

May 17th, 2011
10:33 am

“marriage is a Christian institution, an invention of God.”

…And “god” (as portrayed by religions, anyway) is an invention of man, which would make marriage a human institution.

And the concept of marriage was around long before the bible — old or new testament.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
10:35 am

Someone I know who was recently married is realizing that having a big ceremony and exchanging vows and spending all that money on one day does not a marriage make. Also getting married did not magically fix the issues that they were having in the relationship before they got married. If anything, it only magnified them and made it clear that the whole thing was a mistake.

My advice in this situation – choose the next relationship with greater care. Look past the initial attraction and the superficial qualities that had to be there to draw you to that person. Take time to learn whether or not that person has what is necessary for you to build a life together and whether or not you are capable of giving them what they need.

Because the new will wear off and after the new wears off, there damn well better be something else there that you can hold on to.

Fion

May 17th, 2011
10:37 am

@ Celisea

A lot of folk approach marriage with no more forethought than when buying a Toaster and can’t buy a descent Toaster.
It is beyond me, whey in the name of All Outdoors they don’t think they should follow a Blueprint!

Wil Nes

May 17th, 2011
10:37 am

Marriage is an institution designed to secure an honest relationship that will help provide a balanced and potentially prosperous environment for raising children. There are laws and/or principles that must be adhered to (by both mates) in order for the marriage and family life to thrive and be successful. Marriage is not for everyone. Singleness is also a gift in itself, but many try to live their live as if they are married only to experience disappointment. I hope this was helpful.

abc

May 17th, 2011
10:37 am

Cite reference, Swiss. I’d bet a dollar you can’t. But, be that as it may, it still remains: be a Christian, or don’t be. Shacking up is living in sin. If you can’t be as Ephesians 5 describes, maybe marriage isn’t for you — but one must ask themselves WHY can’t they be as the Bible describes? What makes it so hard for some folks?

Lovely Brown

May 17th, 2011
10:37 am

it’s love and regret. Does she know why he married someone else? If so, the reason wasn’t enough to her psyche/ego to kick him to the curb permantely. Or, is she simply holidng on for the sake of holding on to a memory, a past history? Love and lust can sometimes be very hard to distinguish. If she’s messing around with him she’s messing with a married man.

I don’t think she even cares why. I know my ego,pride, whatever the hell you want to call it would not let me go there again with someone who could just hurt me like that.

Celisea

May 17th, 2011
10:39 am

Fion – I agree.

Lovely Brown

May 17th, 2011
10:41 am

Because the new will wear off and after the new wears off, there damn well better be something else there that you can hold on to-

So true!!!

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
10:42 am

@SexyC ~ just my take, but I never understood the big, expensive wedding, the lavish honeymoon only to come home to a boatload of debt (if you didn’t pay cash for everything). And you’re right, don’t think getting married is the bandaid covering the problems that already exists.

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

May 17th, 2011
10:43 am

Ancient Greeks certainly had a concept of marriage. As did the ancient Chinese, and I’m certain many others, without ever reading a bible. Heck, even cave paintings indicate some form of family structure.

Now, if you’re talking specifically about all the added rules & customs that Christian tradition throws onto the institution, then that’s another story, but the idea of marriage as the basis of a family unit has been around since the first hunter/gatherers.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
10:45 am

@Lovely Brown ~ neither could I!!!!

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
10:46 am

Good morning,

Well, as one who is about to take that walk down the aisle in 3 weeks, this is probably not the most supportive place for me! :) But I will make a few comments anyway.

You can always find a statistic to support your view. One day the divorce rate is 50%, then it’s over 60. Not even a good 1% were polled, but yet over 80% are not happy. Oh well, what does that have to do with me?

Lovely Brown – I’ve seen what happened to your aunt so many times. Dude string someone along for years then up and marry someone else after a few months. That would devestate me.

When I got engaged this past Christmas, I was a little surprised by how many came up and said “I’m so happy he proposed. I was wondering what you were going to do if he didn’t.” What would I do? Keep on living! One thing I learned over the years is to make sure I am on the same page with someone I am seeing long-term. Make sure that our goals are in alignment. Now I have no control if he changes his mind. But why would I continue seeing someone for years on end that didn’t want the same things I want? Life is too short for that!

Everyone has a right to what they want. No one has to justify wanting to get married or not wanting to get married. Whether you reasons are biblical or legal, financial or emotional or all of the above. Decide what you want, be upfront and considerate of others you are involved with, and live your life.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
10:46 am

What do you do when you realize that your views about marriage has changed since you first started dating someone?

Sounds like what has changed is his desire to marry HER. And if he no longer wants to marry her, knowing that is what she wishes, then he should stop taking advantage of her and leave her so that they both can get on with finding the person who wants what they want and in reality, will be the better match.

Because I am certain that, if they continue in this relationship, whether married or unmarried, it will not be because one of the parties changed his/her mind, it will be because that party compromised because there was a greater immediate payoff to staying in the relationship than walking away.

Concerned individual

May 17th, 2011
10:49 am

I have read some interesting comments on here. Some I agree with and some I do not. Marriage is a sacred institution that impacts families socially and economically. Unfortunately, the rate of divorce and single parent households have drastically increase at least in the past 25 years. These increases correlate with the increase in poor education systems, criminal activities, and a decrease in society’s morality. In summary, the choice of marriage is up to the individual. if you chose not to get married please don’t have children out of wedlock.

czBrat

May 17th, 2011
10:51 am

HiYas!

wow! great topic today. too bad i have no time to catch up and very little time to chat. blue eyes, to your 9:18, that was pretty much the state i was in when s/o and i met. he proposed after one year and i had to tell him i was not ready. during our second year, he reached a point where he was perfectly comfortable just sharing our lives completely without being married if it’s not what i wanted, but he said to me “it’s not that i want to get married. it’s that i want to be your husband and i want you for my wife.” there is a difference. now we’re engaged.

simple, i’m sure someone has already commented on your post, but i must say that, if you are a christian, the word of God is never outdated. it is a blueprint in which you can find guidance for every situation regardless of the particular era you happen to be in.

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 17th, 2011
10:52 am

@abc

There were people living before the time described in the Bible. So, I can almost definitively state that “marriage” in some form existed. Maybe not in the Judeo Christian sense, but it existed.

(leave aside the fact that most Judeo – Christian religious traditions are a version of the ‘heathens’ traditions of the time; and imbibed with a Christian meaning well after their establishment).

@SC – that’s why that “like” is a muthasugger

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
11:00 am

(I must have actually cursed the first time I posted this…..)

kimmie – this – “I was wondering what you were going to do if he didn’t.” – see…this…..oooooo…..ggggrrrr…..see ish like this right here….why can’t folks just be damned happy and say congrats and get the hell on. I am steamin’….(lol)

And yeah…like you said…as for the why of it all…for me, it’s rather difficult to explain. And maybe before the day is over, I will be able to find some words to give voice to my feelings/beliefs. But maybe not. More often than not, it’s nearly impossible to explain *why* you believe something. Either you do or you don’t.

abc

May 17th, 2011
11:01 am

Hey, according to some news stories, Jesus returns this Saturday, and it’s all over. Why worry, right?

Celisea

May 17th, 2011
11:03 am

Well, Arnie sure ain’t holding up his end of things.

just saying...

May 17th, 2011
11:03 am

ATTN: BEING SINGLE IS HARD! PLAYING THE DATING GAME IS HARD! CO-HABITATING AND/OR SHARING YOU LIFE WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS THROUGH THE YEARS IS HARD!

I understand there are a lot of people that failed their vows the first time around for a litany of reasons, and yes it is a huge personal failure. But can all you failures please stop pretending that marriage is the most difficult thing ever? So you didn’t/don’t want to be married. Just express the truth and move on. Maybe it was the person, the situation, your age, you whatever. But this is the land of the free, do your thing and quit making excuses for your own personal failure, quit referring to marriage as merely a piece of paper, and move on.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
11:06 am

…the word of God is never outdated. it is a blueprint in which you can find guidance for every situation regardless of the particular era you happen to be in.

BEAUTIFUL!

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
11:06 am

Actually, it may be just as simple as saying – I want to be married because I don’t want to be single.

I mean really, no one is asking the question – Why do you need to be single?

Lady

May 17th, 2011
11:07 am

Question for you guys???

May 17th, 2011
11:09 am

Does the word of “God” trump that of say Buddah? Or Alah?

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
11:11 am

I speak for myself. I never considered myself a failure that my marriage fell apart. The marriage failed, I didn’t. And because I worked so hard at it, I was in a good place (mentally) when it ended.

Celisea

May 17th, 2011
11:11 am

Just saying – But this is the land of the free, do your thing and quit making excuses for your own personal failure, quit referring to marriage as merely a piece of paper

Here here…the first page is a lot of whining…lol Everybody knows themselves and what you have an appetite for and incapable or capable of doing.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
11:12 am

SCool – You are steaming! What does one say after somebody makes a comment like that? I was flabbergasted! That’s one of the reasons I’m having a small intimate wedding out of town. Otherwise, I think I may end up saying something to hurt somebody’s feelings, not that some folk care about mine!!

Celisea

May 17th, 2011
11:14 am

I won’t get into the subject of “religious” but really abc it’s choice. Either you believe or not. No debate no refuting, no trying to disprove or disannul. As easy as you can believe there were dinasours or man existed before the time of the Bible, you can choose to believe or not the Word of God. It’s simple.

Celisea

May 17th, 2011
11:15 am

I was saying abc is right in that “believing” is a choice.

abc

May 17th, 2011
11:15 am

Muslims, Jews and Christians supposedly all worship the same God. They differ in who is to be considered Abraham’s first son, Isaac or Ishmael; and whether Jesus is the Messiah. Otherwise, it’s pretty much the same story.

Buddhists, Hindus? Multi-armed purple folks with 3rd eyes and all. Their stories are completely different. To Abramaic religions, God’s word certainly trumps those.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
11:15 am

Marriage is serious business. I cannot stand it being referred to as just a piece of paper. It is not. I also cannot stand it being referred to as outdated. Outdated by whom – who dates things?

Blackfoote

May 17th, 2011
11:19 am

Kimmie you have my support go ahead have your day and enjoy it. If stats and dates are driving people to be afraid to marry then so be it. You and DB make perfect sense it is not complicated. Although I’m not married any more I will never say never to it. abc, “just me” was on you like a tick sucking blood. I don’t think you were trying to change anybodys mind.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
11:22 am

The point at which you get married, your relationship should be in its healthiest state ever.

If it’s not, then you need to figure out how to get it healthy, learn how to keep it healthy and determine if you have the knowledge and willingness to nurse it back to health during the times when it may be ailing or injured.

Been There...No Thanks

May 17th, 2011
11:23 am

Marriage is forever and forever isn’t easy. For everyone who is Christian, if you pick and choose what you want to follow and live by according to the Bible, you need to really check yourself before making others follow what the Bible says.

I’m Catholic. I sin. I don’t go to church every Sunday. I don’t follow everything in the Bible myself. But I DON’T get on anyone’s case to read and follow what the good book says because I don’t do it myself. I doubt that a lot of you either, but I’ll admit I’m just guessing.

Fion

May 17th, 2011
11:27 am

I certainly wasn’t looking for a theological debate this morning, but I do have a comment or 5 for the Guys.

Men Folk you wanna hear it, here it go.

The Moral fiber of a Man’s life is and should be Transcendent.

Under what Authority does your Honor, Morality and Integrity operate. If there is no Authority, then it is self determined and subject to change per condition, circumstance. Therefore it is rendered invalid and mute!
No more than an opinion without Authority.

IF you take a Wife, under what Authority do you do so? Under what intentions do you remove her from her house?
What Accountability do you have for her. What Responsibility do you have for her?
Do you not have Any at all Sir? I say not, but rather the contrary.

I argue that it is this very Authority that Calls you to Accountability and Responsibility for without it Sir you are left with Your own self destructive nature.

Mrs. Tazzee

May 17th, 2011
11:30 am

I just celebrated my one year anniversary and I must say I love being married. Sure, it’s only been one year but I’m taking it day by day – and on this day, I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

The funny thing is – when we met, I was the one that was waffling on marriage. After his first marriage, I’m surprised he wanted to do it again. I’m glad he did and I’m glad I said yes.

I’ve never been in a relationship where one party wanted marriage and the other didn’t – they never got that far – not until I got married, LOL. I’m not sure what I would do or advise. If marriage is important to you, you can’t deny yourself that. And if your mate doesn’t want to get married, you can’t force them. Either way, someone will have regrets.

I must say that I’m glad I waited until I learned me before I got married. If I had gotten married in my 20’s, early 30’s – it would have been much harder because I was still trying to figure out who I was.

I LOVE BEING MARRIED!!!

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
11:33 am

If you are not the marrying type that that needs to be stated before things get to deep. I often wonder what vows athiest take when they get married. Is it the same one that “christians” take?

czBrat

May 17th, 2011
11:33 am

I cannot stand it being referred to as just a piece of paper.
exactly, kimmie! many people think that if you love each other and want to be together then getting married (or not) makes no difference. it’s just a legality. and as long as they pair up with like-minded folk, that’s fine. personally, i believe marriage does change things … so i’ll not take those vows again unless it’s with someone who feels the same.

Mrs. Tazzee

May 17th, 2011
11:33 am

Oh and I got married for under $1,000. The honeymoon? Well that’s a different story ;-)

cba

May 17th, 2011
11:38 am

DB @ 10:11, very well stated….I’m giving you a standing O

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 17th, 2011
11:39 am

@Mrs. Tazzee

I’m really not a fan of your’s right now – no one needs to hear about you getting married for under $1K, okay?

#payingforyourownweddingsucks

Bikerboy

May 17th, 2011
11:40 am

I’ve been married 8 years and I will say this and this is not gender specific…this is in general for male and female.. You literally have to die to yourself in order for your marriage to live..in other words you have to literally lose your sense of self in order to love your spouse better.. Think about that…(for Christians) in the same sense that Jesus died for us to live.. that’s what marriage is…Unless you are mature enough spiritually and mentally you have no business getting married because anyone can “fall in love” but somebody tell/show me how to stay there….

Lovely Brown

May 17th, 2011
11:40 am

I’m Catholic. I sin. I don’t go to church every Sunday. I don’t follow everything in the Bible myself. But I DON’T get on anyone’s case to read and follow what the good book says because I don’t do it myself. I doubt that a lot of you either, but I’ll admit I’m just guessing

Love this!!!

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
11:41 am

#payingforyourownweddingsucks

Dan – Ageed!! :)

Blackfoote

May 17th, 2011
11:45 am

My manners excaped me:

Hello Y’all

We on the Bible well according to some Saturday is the last day of earth. Looks like were not going to make it to Dec. 21, 2012. I don’t believe either event will occur but they have a right to say what they want.

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

May 17th, 2011
11:47 am

Actually, it seems human have their very own built-in, biological moral authority. Now, the real question is why are these neurons more active in some than others…?

czBrat

May 17th, 2011
11:47 am

Fion, imo, many who view marriage as a piece of paper don’t hold much to a higher authority. could this explain why so many fail? dunno. i can only say that i’ve been blessed with a man who bows his head to his Authority and accepts his headship with the utmost gratitude. were this not the case, we would have continued “dating” until the time came to go our separate ways.

had to go back and read DB 10:11 comment and i must say … luv it!

great discussion but i gotta run. hope to check back in with yas before last call.

TenderRoni

May 17th, 2011
11:49 am

Hi All,

I’ve never saw marriage as a need. A need is like water, something I can’t live without. I do desire to be married. I think I know my self well enough to know thats its something important to me.

And ole dude changed his mind, I would really question why or what changed his mind, especially if in the beginning he was for it. I kind of been in a similiar situation, and in the end I felt like I was settling, and we just weren’t on the same page anymore. It went from “WE” are going to do this…, to (him saying ) “I” going to do this…= he and I not on the same page!

Fion

May 17th, 2011
11:51 am

@ czBrat

that’s all I’m sayin’.

cba

May 17th, 2011
11:56 am

SC @ 10:35 your last sentence should be in bold because without a doubt every marriage is going to experience this situation. Having read some books on this matter, this is where most marriages fail. It can be a very difficult time if the two of you don’t work very hard to get pass this stage. Speaking from exprience and having survived.

just me

May 17th, 2011
11:59 am

@ abc

Hey… what you up to this weekend? Saturday in particular?

TenderRoni

May 17th, 2011
12:00 pm

And on the “it’s just a piece of paper thing”. My co-worker who I can’t believe I agree with on this. But made it plain and simple. That paper you signed basically says you are responsible for that person.

You are responsible for them emotionaly, physically, and financially.Period.

Blackfoote

May 17th, 2011
12:12 pm

TendeRoni right it’s not a need like water and the piece paper is a contract of your loyalty. Still you have a choice to walk or put forth the effort to remain.

Mrs. Tazzee

May 17th, 2011
12:23 pm

@Dan – don’t be mad! LOL – I’ve always viewed weddings as more for others than the bride and groom. If my grandmother were living, I’m sure I would have broke the bank for her to see my walk down the aisle. Neither of us had any loved ones that made us want to break the bank so we kept it sweet and simple.

@Bikerboy – Love your comment! The bible commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Both parties to the marriage have to do some dying for the marriage to work.

Mrs. Tazzee

May 17th, 2011
12:27 pm

Wait Dan – you’re getting married? When? CONGRATULATIONS!

Looks like I’ve missed a lot.

abc

May 17th, 2011
12:40 pm

Yardwork. And looking out for the 4 horsemen.

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 17th, 2011
12:59 pm

@Bikerboy

My main man PG put me on to “for the sake of the marriage.” And I’ve been an apostle ever since.

Whether it be the institution (and the paper) or the relationship, people shouldn’t think about being “boo’d up” unless you’re ready to sacrifice a part of your ego to the marriage (or relationship). Not necessarily to the other person, mind you, but to the success of the relationship.

Once I understood and embraced that concept, I knew I was ready.

@Tazz

I’m just trying to get like you….and thanks

DreamsMaterialize

May 17th, 2011
1:05 pm

Afternoon
If two people aren’t on the same page as marriage, then they should call it quits. If ol’ girl decides to just “be together”, then she’ll be settling, and if ol’ boy decides he wants to marry again, then his motives and intents will be questioned forever. It’s a disaster either way. Pitch your product to someone in the market to buy what you’re selling. Find someone who wants what you want.

MzNewy

May 17th, 2011
1:11 pm

Happy Anniversary Mrs. Tazzee ;)

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
1:14 pm

Why does it seem as if Americans are the only cultural debating the necessity of marriage?

DreamsMaterialize

May 17th, 2011
1:20 pm

Why does it seem as if Americans are the only cultural debating the necessity of marriage?
Sexy As Americans we don’t really know what other cultures are debating.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
1:23 pm

I was waiting on that exact response. (lol)

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
1:24 pm

Because as soon as I hit “Submit Comment”, I was reminded of something I posted myself yesterday.

“Just because I am not a part of a conversation, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t being held.”

(lol)

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
1:28 pm

One of the main reasons I don’t have any kids is because I’m not married. I know that marriage is not needed in order to pop out a kid but something in me, whether it be due to programming, upbringing or sociey, makes me want that legal/spiritual bond of commitment prior to having a child. I am getting up in age (turning 33 on June 1st) and I would be lying if I said it didn’t cross my mind about the ‘biological clock’ and risks of birthing a child at a more mature age. I have not yet decided if I’d be okay with skipping child rearing altogether or not. Such is life…

cba

May 17th, 2011
1:32 pm

Dreams, I like the concept of pitching your product. With a world population of 6bil +, I’m sure we all can find atleast one buyer :-)

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 17th, 2011
1:34 pm

Yeah, happy anniversary Mrs.Taz!!

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
1:40 pm

Congrats Mrs Taz and your hubby!

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
1:42 pm

Wishing you a lifetime of continued love, happiness, good health and success.

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
2:07 pm

crickets, crickets

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:09 pm

Happy Anniversary, Mrs. Tazzee!!!

Damn Damn Damn

May 17th, 2011
2:11 pm

dribble and mush the cause maybe

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:14 pm

@abc ~ not really trying to start a fight, but I thought of you this morning when one of the reasons for Arnold’s and Maria’s marriage collapsed was announced. You say women lie all the time for no apparent reason. I say Arnold stands with a bunch of male liars. They lie because their misdeeds are gigantic in nature. Leading a double life with another family, having a child out of the marriage, a long-time mistress on the side, etc. Some of you men definitely got us beat!!!

Question for you guys???

May 17th, 2011
2:20 pm

Leggs, the chick on the side was married as well…In fact She told her husband that the kids was his…….

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
2:20 pm

Leggs – To top it all off, he was messing with a HOUSEHOLD staff member! Insulting! SO asked me this morning if he & Maria had kids, I told him they had 4! Heck, Maria upgraded his Conan the Barbarian behind!

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
2:22 pm

How do you not know a person has a family on the side? Oh people don’t spend time with their spouses consistently anymore. I would think it would be kind of be sneaky being the Terminator, but I guess it could be done.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
2:23 pm

Conclusion – both men and women are capable of lying.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:23 pm

Dagnabit, that’s right she was…I forgot that part out. As a result, I no longer have an argument. :wink:

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
2:24 pm

kimmie, that what she gets for upgrading. He used to be Mr Bodybuilder/ movie actor. Maria did what men do all of the time. Married a dumb blonde who used her for what she was worth. LOL

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
2:25 pm

Sexy Cool men lie, women deceive. LOL

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:25 pm

That is the conclusion, SexyC!

A person on his household staff, right under this wife’s nose. How insulting. Pretty sure he copped a smooch, a grab a tit along his day!

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
2:25 pm

The Times did not publish the former staffer’s name or that of her child but said the woman worked for the family for 20 years and retired in January.

Seems as if o’girl wanted to get ALL of the benefits of this situation. (lol)

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
2:26 pm

Kind of like what happened to Shaq with his wife cheating with the personal trainer. LOL

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:26 pm

a grab, a tit….

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:28 pm

She wanted to stay until she has put in 20 years of service with the last 10 years being a bit more meaningful.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
2:30 pm

Purple – Yeah, but then we get put down for wanting someone at least at equal status. Or get called a golddigger if we get upgraded. Can’t win!LOL!!

As to your comment about her not knowing for 10 years, who said she didn’t know? Someone on the radio this morning made that same comment about why everyone is assuming Maria didn’t know – she hasn’t come out and said anything to that effect. Maybe she knew but decided to hang in there with him until the governor thing was over, possibly looking out for herself as well as her own kids with Conan.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
2:30 pm

She wanted to stay until she has put in 20 years of service with the last 10 years being a bit more meaningful.

Leggs – :lol:

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
2:31 pm

That would be ultimate slap in the face. You have cheated on me. Had a child. Not only has this woman been receiving child support out of our money, we’ve been paying this woman a salary for twenty years and now, she’s retired from the job we gave her.

That ish really has to cause you to question what is reality versus not in your life.

Lord Velonese

May 17th, 2011
2:32 pm

“Why do you need marriage?”

I wondered that too, just because I can, does that mean I should? I honestly don’t see a benefit for a man.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
2:33 pm

kimmie – GMA showed a clip from her interview with Oprah where she vehemently denies that Arnie was unfaithful.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
2:33 pm

How are those good ole family values working for ya?

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
2:35 pm

From an article about that show – Shriver bristled at Oprah’s question about whether, as a Kennedy woman, she’d been raised to ignore a husband’s adultery. ”You know that really ticks me off,” she said. ”I am my own woman. I have not been, quote, bred to look the other way.”

Oh…and this…
In a May 2009 commencement speech at the University of Southern California, Schwarzenegger referenced Shriver by telling graduates, “number one, come to America. Number two, work your butt off. And number three, marry a Kennedy.”

^That is sad and hilarious all at the same time.

Damn Damn Damn

May 17th, 2011
2:35 pm

I was just reading on MSN and Arnie just slays me with his contrition —> I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused.

That’s such a generic statement we should put it on a rubber stamp. How do you take responsibility after the fact? Certainly he’s not talking about paying childsupport…that being his responsibility. Shouldn’t “responsibility” come into play prior shakedown, as in “just say no?” We know the old saying about hindsight. Plainly, people are greedy and lack discipline. I bet they romped all over the Governor’s mansion. Dang shame.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
2:35 pm

SCool – Now you know she’s got to play the role, get the sympathy vote for being the unsuspecting and supportive to a fault wife! I would deny, deny, deny too so I could add to that Kennedy money I already had!

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
2:39 pm

kimmie well if Maria knew and did nothing people should nto be mad about it and mind their on business. How do we know she hasn’t been sharing her cookies? LOL

Maria: “Are you going out again tonight?”
Ahhnold: “I’ll be back!”

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
2:40 pm

All of this is not going to hurt Arnold one bit.

Celisea

May 17th, 2011
2:41 pm

PR – Maria ain’t the issue right now. We’ll stick to not liking Arnie for his indiscretions…lol

and

Nope this probably won’t hurt Arnie too much. I think Tiga is the only man I’ve seen dragged through the mud for indiscretions. Everybody else seems to get off rather easily.

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
2:45 pm

It’s about time for Maria to get her groove back with a much younger, much more in shape, young tender. lol I heard Arnold is supposed to do another installment of the Terminator but i’m having a hard time wrapping my head around that because he just ain’t no spring chicken anymore

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
2:46 pm

True, Cel – but o’ Elgin *kept* having chicks drop out of the sky or out of his bed.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
2:47 pm

Er..um…Eldrick…or whatever his real name is.

cba

May 17th, 2011
2:48 pm

If you look at recent politicans who have cheated on their wives, what do the men have in common? They all married women with impeccable credentials. Bill to Hilary, John Edwards to Elizabeth, Spitzer’s wife is a lawyer, the governor of SC wife is in finance and now Arnold to Maria. The point is, as I have discussed with my wife, the woman they are having an affair with doesn’t need credentials, they have that at home. At that point, it’s all about the sex. (IMO)

Simple man....

May 17th, 2011
2:49 pm

SlimNu….I feel kinda bad for saying this, but I saw Maria on MSNBC this morning and she looks bad…Not sure if she would have any success shopping for a young one at this point….

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:50 pm

It was stated she didn’t find out until last week.

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
2:50 pm

Everybody else seems to get off rather easily.

Do yall think Kobe Bryant got off easy when he not only raw dawg some chick but then threw Shack under the bus? lol

abc

May 17th, 2011
2:52 pm

What does a man get from marriage?

Simple: a wife provides a good life for her husband. The man provides and protects the means for her to do so, with full confidence in her. Read Proverbs 31, “A wife of noble character, who can find?”

Find a woman like that. They’re out there. They seem well camouflaged sometimes, but they’re there.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
2:54 pm

I wouldn’t say she looks bad. She just looks her age. Like a 56 year old woman who hasn’t had any/much work done.

Hell, Arnold is 63 hisdamnself. All these old ass folks running around getting it wrong. smdh…

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
2:54 pm

Conan could care less. LOL He already did the deed, Besides I think the Kennedy’s are dirty any way. LOL

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:57 pm

@DDD (Damn Damn Damn). I thought he could have come up with something other than a boilerplate apologzy. That in itself was sickening.

All these old ass folks running around getting it wrong. smdh… and getting it on!

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
2:57 pm

I was just talking to one of my coworkers about it. She said if it’s one thing the Kennedy’s can do and that’s handle a scandal!LOL!!

Purple – True, it really won’t hurt Arni because his political career is over anyway. How it was handled won’t hurt Maria either. You said she did nothing, what was she suppose to do? Their marriage is over, she’s getting paid. The ones that may be hurt are the children.

SCool – I agree, Tiga deserved all the mud with all them chicks coming out of the woodwork. He’s doing fine too, even if he never wins another tournament. He just built a 50 million dollar home. Dating a stingy-haired blond chick he knew when she was just a kid a few years ago that lived down the street from him & Elin. Yep, he’s doing just fine!

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
2:58 pm

kimmie, those kids will be fine. They have Kennedy and Arnold money to help them through amongst thier other hollywood problems.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
2:59 pm

Leggs – It was “stated”.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
2:59 pm

Purple – Errbody will be fine then. Why is it even news?

Cause it’s SCANDALOUS!LOL!!

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
3:00 pm

I know kimmie, I know. Started to to type. “No doubt, the media is on her side at the moment.”

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:00 pm

LOL at all of the hate.

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:01 pm

Arnold conquered everyone in the Conan series and Red Sonja, he killed the predator and came back from the future to save the world in the Terminator. He also supported legalizing weed. He deserves all the side puddy he can get. He is the man! How many times did Maria save the world? None she is just riding the Kennedy name. LOL

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
3:03 pm

@kimmie ~ it is scandalous…I gasped when I heard it this morning. Don’t care for either of them, but I was still very much surprised.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
3:04 pm

Naw, can’t gasp at the other side of America (Jerry Springer)….none of them are in a position like the Terminator. But, I might gasp in child support court.

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:04 pm

Leggs go to child support court or Jerry Springer you can gasp all day, that’s nothing new. LOL

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
3:06 pm

Leggs – You aren’t kidding the media is going to be on her side, especially since she’s a part of the media! She knows EXACTLY how to spin this!

I always kinda liked Maria. Never cared anything about Arnold one way or the other, still don’t.

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:07 pm

kimmie, so what! Arnold is to much man for one woman! LOL

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
3:08 pm

Arnold is a twit!

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
3:08 pm

“Arnold conquered everyone in the Conan series and Red Sonja, he killed the predator and came back from the future to save the world in the Terminator. ”

You know that was just play-acting, right?

DB

May 17th, 2011
3:09 pm

Re: Arnold. Guess he was a closet Democrat all along! (aka Bill Clinton!)

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
3:10 pm

Purple – LOL!!! Usually, or so I’ve heard, when dudes are huge in one area they are small in others. Just sayin’ :lol: So I guess whenever Maria was chillin at the Kennedy compound, Conan was getting it on with the maid. More his speed anyway probably!LOL!!

Maria is actually a very respected journalist.

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:10 pm

A twit that was good enough for her to marry! Amazing change after the fact. LOL

Bruce Lee, Shaft, Black Belt Jones, Rocky, Clint Eastwood, Chuck Norris, Obama, George Bush (2),Arnold, Allan(from the Hangover), the guy from Ninja Assasin and the member of SEAL Team 6 are all men who can do whatever they want to do in life. Certified Bad Asses! Can’t forget Rosie O’Donnell

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
3:11 pm

Crazy, my post is once again above PR’s statement to me.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
3:11 pm

You know that was just play-acting, right?

SCool – I don’t think he does! :lol:

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
3:12 pm

kimmie ~ you’re thinking along the same way I am today. I was thinking of him being so muscle bound he probably shrunk in other areas (LOL).

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
3:13 pm

He’s 63. I’m sure even the muscles have shrunk.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
3:13 pm

I’m cracking up on the play-acting bit! Forget about Terminator and Predator and whatever else and remember the twit in Kindergarten Cop.

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:14 pm

And Maria worked in media….like that’s real. LOL

Arnold is the real deal!

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:14 pm

If you all want to talk about another man’s wang you will have to take that conversation up with Meeelloo

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
3:15 pm

No, I was thinking WHEN he was muscled…not now!

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:15 pm

Tron from the Dave Chappelle show is pretty bad ass

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
3:15 pm

my post is once again above PR’s…..

@Leggs,so what u saying…u want to be atop PR now?? Lol

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

May 17th, 2011
3:15 pm

“Re: Arnold. Guess he was a closet Democrat all along!”

Must be. If he were a real Republican, he’d have been caught smoking pole in an airport bathroom or something…

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:17 pm

That is exaclty what she is saying…..again!

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
3:17 pm

Purple – Out of all the dudes you mentioned, I am only impressed with the SEAL’s.

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
3:17 pm

Leggs..I just thought the ‘once again’ was like a crying out loud! Lol

hint hint and wink! :lol:

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
3:19 pm

PR..I will talk about ur Wang this one time and quit….

based on all the bells and whistles u say are attached on the shaft of ur wang,consider displaying it at some museum.

just saying.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
3:19 pm

Purple, oh and impressed by the President. The others, not at all.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
3:20 pm

I would also take Barry out of that list, along with the SEALs.

And I am super-side eyeing you for putting Obama and Allan on the same list. (lol)

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:21 pm

I like Leggs because she is deep!

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:24 pm

Sexy Cool, Allan would kick butt. Who let the dogs out who who who? 1 man wolf pack!

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
3:24 pm

@Exiled ~ there’s no need for me to “cry out loud.” I can handle mine if I want to. I choose to ignore my present prospects..that’s all.

“I like Leggs because she is deep!” That’s not even cute!

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
3:26 pm

Allan and them can’t even keep track of White Doug and……a little kid tased the ish out of him (with permission of the officer in charge.)

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:26 pm

But Allan is an excellent wing man he won’t leave you hanging. LOL

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
3:27 pm

Exiled – Um…really?! You didn’t go home and hold some of Queens costume earrangs up to your wang to see how it would look did you?

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
3:30 pm

@ForReal ~ did you think I thought PR was giving me a real compliment? No need to answer!!!

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:31 pm

Exile no whistles attached, but women love to blow it. LOL

Slim, LOL

White Doug Black Doug all the same. “That’s Doug!”

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
3:31 pm

Purp’s wang on display?!?!? (LMAO – about to choke on some peanut M&M’s that I shouldn’t be eating anyway…)

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:34 pm

Sexy Cool, LOL

Simple man....

May 17th, 2011
3:34 pm

” I like Leggs because she is deep!” :O :O

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:36 pm

How you gon’ hate from outside the club..you can’t even get in!

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:38 pm

I meant Leggs was mentally deep, you all are some perverts and I am very offended!

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
3:39 pm

Speaking of C-Breezy, Rihanna is catching some flak for now following him on Twitter.

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
3:39 pm

Slim?

Really,are u trying to justify ur boo’s wang trappings in an indirect way?!

that makes sense tho Slim,considering ur exotic tastes.

As for me I’m never going to dress up my Jnr making him look like some closeted Flavor Flav!

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
3:39 pm

Hate respects no boundaries…it’s fluid like water and is even there when you don’t realize it like air.

Simple man....

May 17th, 2011
3:40 pm

Damn Purp..and I was about to say I was really impressed!!!

TenderRoni

May 17th, 2011
3:41 pm

too funny..oh man just too freakin funny. You brought out the ChrisBreezy intro.

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:43 pm

TenderRoni, LOL

Sexy Cool, I think those two will get back together or at least do a tour together.

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:46 pm

Simple, impressed by what?

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
3:47 pm

Exiled – I have no need to justify my boo’s wang trappings at all. I was just a little thrown off that you were still pondering on the bedazzled jewels of Purp.

Speaking of wangs, did yall hear on the radio about the new condom in the works that helps a dude maintain an e-wreck-shun?…the idea supposedly is to help aid those men that can’t stand condoms and have issues continuing their hardness while wearing a jimmy hat??

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
3:49 pm

@Exiled ~ I know you always talk about how free you and your boys talk, especially back in the village. The villages in America find it strange for a grown man to inquire continuously about another man’s wang. We know you mean no harm, just weird!

Celisea

May 17th, 2011
3:50 pm

SexyC – Gotta agree about Tiga…lol

All ya’ll are correct about old Arnie….some things should not pop off or go down after a certain age. Something should magically happen to avoid any mishaps. Seriously.

Simple man....

May 17th, 2011
3:52 pm

Purp, Impressed by your knowledge of how deep Leggs was…:)

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
3:53 pm

Slim?!

U thrown off by my amazement at a Flav Flav Wang coz u used to be pounded by a tricked wang…lol

Ur boo’s! so go head,no need to justify how u two roll…

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:54 pm

Evvverybody Wang Chung tonight!! LOL

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
3:54 pm

Simple Man, I wish I knew how deep Leggs was. LOL

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
3:55 pm

Exiled – So not only are you impressed with Purps bedazzled wang but now you are into Flava Flavs chicken grease wang? In the words of Leggs, that’s just WEIRD.

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
3:59 pm

Leggs!

so I can talk bout my anatomy with another man except my Wang?

African American men are afflicted by fear of Don Lemon syndrome labeling,no wonder it’s a no go are for them.

I don’t have those hangups nor fear coz I pound good and have trace DNA in plenty vjays as evidence!

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
3:59 pm

“have trace DNA in plenty vjays as evidence.”

Yeah..no…that doesn’t sound healthy.

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
4:02 pm

When did my wang become bedazzled?

czBrat

May 17th, 2011
4:03 pm

is it freaky friday already? where did my week go? :razz:

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:05 pm

“have trace DNA in plenty vjays as evidence.”

Yeah..no…that doesn’t sound healthy.

Now, that right there is FUNNY!

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
4:05 pm

Slim?

If Flav flav’s has a bedazzled wang I didn’t know…thanks for telling me..

I guess that song,ryhming,’how low can u go’ was written for u!

U f?!’cling Flav Flav!

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:06 pm

Purp – Just go with it… ;-)

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:06 pm

I’m no man, Exiled, but I think the wang discussion may be had between biological brothers. Not your homies. Ask a man, if they discuss their wang’s girth, etc with each other. :lol:

Hot n Atlanta

May 17th, 2011
4:07 pm

Enter your comments here

DreamsMaterialize

May 17th, 2011
4:09 pm

Ya’ll are TOO funny!

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:09 pm

Exiled – I think all that metal is causing some sort of imbalance in your brain because you aren’t comprehending normally right now. I think they were right on that study that obssessive master-bate-shun can lead to insanity. :roll:

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
4:12 pm

Topic Change please.

Slim, no way. lol

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:14 pm

I’m really laughing now!

Simple man....

May 17th, 2011
4:19 pm

“obssessive master-bate-shun can lead to insanity.”
SAY WHAT!!!!! (getting kinda nervous)

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:21 pm

This entire community is off balance…love it !

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
4:21 pm

I think excessive master-bate-shun provides clarity. LOL

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:24 pm

This morning a chick on the radio said she was on a first date. The date went to the bathroom and when he did, very attractive dude approached her and asked what the deal was and she said it was not serious, just a first date. So he gave her his card and said to call him if that situation didn’t work out. As this card was exchanged, her date comes out of the restroom. She didn’t lie to him about what happened but he threw $20 on the bar and told her to find her own way home and mumbled something about being disrespectful….Was that over the top as far as his reaction??

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
4:25 pm

Slim,I had written to u to say i don’t master he he bate

The females in my clan do a good job taking care if their nana cleaning etc do us mention can partake.

Master he he bating is as good as cheating to us do we don’t do that.
When we want variety we don’t cheat nor master he he bate,we marry another female!

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
4:26 pm

Do a good job cleaning so that us men can partake

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
4:29 pm

Slim – she wasn’t wrong, but….I can see how buddy *felt* disrespected.

However, he showed his propensity towards bad manners and immature responses by behaving the way that he did.

Simple man....

May 17th, 2011
4:29 pm

SlimNu…yeah…Buddy was a littl over the top, but she was still kinda foul…. Think she would have been ok If he would have hit on the
waitress while she was in the bathroom???

BTW…I hope the other dude was still there… LOL

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
4:32 pm

Slim, first date, not over the top. LOL, if she was not interested in the 2nd guy she would not have taken the card or entertained his conversation. LOL

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:33 pm

Dang SlimNu, we only have 30 mins for that convo. I don’t think it was over the top. It’s much like taking a call and carrying on a convo while your first date waits for you to get off the phone. There’s a level of disrespect, but her saving grace, kinda sorta was she told the truth. This is a tricky one simply because she’s free to keep her options open, but unfortunately he saw the transaction.

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:35 pm

Well, folks were arguing that the guy approached her, not the other way around. It’s apparent that she was at least semi-interested in the 2nd guy but afterall it was just a 1st date. I might have tried to play that off some sort of way.

Just the other week, the Beau and I were in Publix. I’m looking at some sauces while I send him to get something else. I’m standing there minding my own business when this dude walks up and hands me a card. I don’t even recall him saying anything. I was just like okay??? I orginally thought it was for a nail shop since the picture on the card were of hands. However, it actually was for a massage business. No sooner than buddy handed me the card, did the beau come walking up. It was just awkward but I gave him the card. No biggie.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
4:35 pm

And really, if the exchange would have happened just a bit sooner, buddy would have been none the wiser.

And that’s really what the situation is about…who knew what.

Simple – if she had not seen/known about him hitting on the waitress, it wouldn’t have been a factor. The same way that if he had not been confronted with the exchange, it wouldn’t have mattered.

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
4:35 pm

The question is if he didn’t see, would she have told? Also the guy could have set all that up as a way to get out of the date. Had a friend there to get him out of it. LOL

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
4:37 pm

Slim..that sounds like SexxyCool scenario like,right?

But if u snooze u lose…

Seems like it’s ok if it works out but mad Thirsty if the 2nd guy hits and quits…u wld say,’serves her righht’ lol

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
4:39 pm

Slim – Massage dude needs to work on his marketing techniques. (lol)

As for the whole situation, of course I’m not going to have any issue with it. I’m with who I’m with because of something *slightly* similar happening. My date just hadn’t arrived yet.

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:41 pm

Yeah I think if buddy didn’t catch the exchange, that she would not have disclosed it…heyal, I wouldn’t. I guess it is a bit disrespectful being that i’m sure he was going to pay for the date, but to go so far as to leave her stranded there was a bit much. He could’ve dropped her off and never called again.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:42 pm

That was the best way to handle it, give him the card.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:42 pm

The question is if he didn’t see, would she have told?

The answer is an uequivocal NO!

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
4:43 pm

The best way to handle is not accept the card.

“Just because it’s thrown at me does not mean I have to catch it.” LOL

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
4:44 pm

PR…u right…that’s a woman always looking for better options.

Dude did the right thing..went overboard matter of fact with the 20$ kindness.

Shld have just walked off

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:45 pm

Leggs – If you were on that first date, would you have given the guy you were actually out with the card? OR play it off like it was an old coworker or something?

Simple man....

May 17th, 2011
4:46 pm

I wonder if she took a cab or called one of her girls to pick her up???

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:46 pm

That’s a woman out on a first date not closing her options!

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
4:47 pm

Just a bad situation all the way around. I agree with Slim, ugly that he left her stranded. It WAS a first date so he maybe should not have felt quite so disrespected, but who knows how long he may have been trying to get that first date with her? Only to have to walk up on that exchange. And girl needs to tighten up her game.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:47 pm

To be honest, SlimNu, I wouldn’t have given him the card. I was saying it was good of YOU to give your SO the massage card.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
4:48 pm

Oh…that’s right…I overlooked the $20. I would like to shift my position. Whereas I feel as if he reacted a bit strongly, he had every right to feel disrespected and move along. Leaving her cab fare was quite gracious given the circumstances.

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
4:49 pm

Not closing off her options…..

and being ghetto with it!

Show some class at least ,’no thanx I’m on a date’

Howz that Leggs?

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:49 pm

Leggs – Yeah I got what you were saying about my scenario but i was just asking if you’d give the 1st date guy the card. But I gotcha now.

I think the $20 was just to cover the drinks that he/they had…not necessarily cab fare. I wonder if she ever ended up calling the 2nd guy at all.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:49 pm

And, the dude had no business rolling up on her once her date left the table…that too is a disrespectful move!

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
4:51 pm

had no business ing up on her….

Quit Leggs! Lol

that’s like saying girl got prego coz dude put a hard press on her for pudy!

:lol:

rwk

May 17th, 2011
4:52 pm

Be happy you’re not married to Arnold Schwarzenegger!

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
4:54 pm

Good point, SlimGoody. Then, I’m back to my original position. (lol)

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:54 pm

@Exiled ~ so you see nothing wrong with him approaching once he left asking “what’s up?” But she’s wrong for taking the card. Hell, all 3 of them are wrong! He should have held his pee and none of this would have happened!!!!

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:55 pm

Now that yall bring it up, that was mighty arrogant and co cky of him to approach her when buddy left. He had to have been scoping out the scene to know when to come by her once buddy dipped to drain the weasel. Now what yall menfolks have to say about that?!

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:56 pm

He should have held his pee and none of this would have happened!!!!

Leggs – I think there’s an EOD in that phrase somewhere. If not, it at least gave me a good EOD laugh :lol:

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:57 pm

Exactly, SlimNu…we already know Exiled sees nothing wrong!!!!

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:57 pm

Celisea

May 17th, 2011
4:58 pm

The question is if he didn’t see, would she have told?

Why shoudd she? IMO, it’s no different than getting looks or stares or “hi’s”….you can either be polite and acknowlege and K.I.M or you can completely ignore altogher or you can give some life to it and run with it. Either way it not so much on the one bringing it, especially and even if you’re with someone but they assume you’re alone. I’d say it’s innocent. Only if it’s obvious you’re with someone and buddy approaches, then that’s disrespectful. It’s only disrespectful if a woman or man saves the info and act on it later.

Celisea

May 17th, 2011
4:58 pm

Oh wait, if buddy waited for dude to step away, then yeah, that’s totally disrespectful.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
4:58 pm

LMAO – now the man can’t go to the restroom cause somebody might steal his date.

Basically, everything that’s supposed to happen does. Had buddy handled the situation differently, years down the road, this could have been a cute little story they told the grandkids.

As it happens, buddy has more supporting evidence for his BAS (btchs aint sht) File.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:59 pm

Hold your pee when out on a first date, and watch that lone man at the table eyeing your date!

PEACE! :lol: :lol:

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
5:01 pm

Hunter is not at fault besides he didn’t know dude was there

And he may have just been looking for easy pudy..she takes the card and accepts his invitations etc while on a date,she’s already marked for easy pudy!

See how we guys play Leggs?

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
5:01 pm

Hunter is not at fault besides he didn’t know dude was there!

He did know dude was there…”a very attractive dude approached her and asked what the deal was and she said it was not serious” BAM, DISRESPECT! Go eat a hat!

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
5:02 pm

now the man can’t go to the restroom cause somebody might steal his date

Ya know it’s hard out her for a p i m p lol

Good night yall…make sure you pee before you go to sleep because you don’t want the boogy man stealing your SO in the middle of the night

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
5:03 pm

No, only a pervert thinks a woman taking a card while out on a first date is an easy mark for puddy!

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
5:04 pm

Everybody in this situation had options and made decisions based on their code of acceptable behavior.

We could point out missteps on everyone’s part. However, at the end of the day, I’m certain that both of the dudes are cool with how they handled the situation. And the chick should be as well, but obviously she is questioning herself because she called the radio station.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
5:05 pm

“she’s already marked for easy pudy”

I’m glad TheDude didn’t see it that way.

Two fangas…(that mean Peace!)

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
5:07 pm

@SexyC ~ not many dudes would see it like that. Wait, some dudes may, but a man won’t!

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
5:07 pm

Sexxy

u contradicting urself in that post…

Acceptable behavior
Calling the radio station

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
5:09 pm

Leggs,
if I know u got a boyfriend and I approach u regardless…and u biting!?

U marked for easy puddy.z

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
5:15 pm

Just goes to prove that’s all you’re interested in out the gate no matter what other BS is said here!

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
5:17 pm

It’s a shame you go forward smelling puddy on the horizon! No matter how you slice it, not all men are like that.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
5:19 pm

Not only that, how you know a stranger you’re first approaching has a boyfriend!

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
5:22 pm

Approaching somebody already with somebody is dissrespectful

U entertain them,u equally at fault…but recognize that the party that approached u knowing and regardless,has an agenda.

Easy pudy!

Disillussioned

May 17th, 2011
9:08 pm

There were two cases against marriage in the media today. Arnold and the former IFM chief. Had their wives been taking care of them sexually, they would not have been able to get into the trouble they did. Most white women don’t understand this but sisters do…

ASB

May 17th, 2011
10:15 pm

@Disilliusioned, no, they are just dirty, old, Viagra taking men…

Miserable in Marriage

May 17th, 2011
10:43 pm

DO NOT, I REPEAT AND SCREAM LOUDLY, DO NOT GET MARRIED!! I waited until I was nearly 50 2 get married 4 the first/last time ever (after knowing the bloodsucker for only 2 years) and 2 years into this pile of horse dung I just want them 2 run away or I soon will. I loathe and despise having 2 always tell where I’m going, why I’m going and when I’ll return. Most days I don’t know if I’m drowning or suffocating or both. I feel like I can barely breathe and 2 make matters worse my monsta-in law lives w/us. Yes, just shoot me and put me out of my self-inflicted MISERY. There are worse things than being single and marriage is one of them!

bleefloyd

May 18th, 2011
12:18 am

If you believe that fornication and lack of committment is good, then do not get married.

A bit of history

May 18th, 2011
12:44 am

ABC – Marriage existed in many cultures long before the concept was memorialized in Genesis and falsely credited to the Hebrew god. Some of those cultures such as China and the Americas had marriage centuries and perhaps even millenia before a fictional character named Moses for whom there is no extra-biblical evidence wrote the obviously flawed account of creation in Genesis in which God is said to have created the institution of marriage. It’s also important to remember that those cultures were completely isolated from the Middle East where the biblical account of creation and marriage originated.

Marriage and other social institutions such as tribes came to exist because mankind benefited from those institutions when a single person couldn’t feed themselves alone, defend themselves alone, raise children alone, carry their own belongings alone in pursuit of food, etc.

Marriage came first because it was a useful social institution. Then religious leaders who liked for their followers to be in coherent family units proclaimed it was an institution sent from God that all must accept and honor. Never mind that religious leaders including David, Solomon, Abraham, Lot, Paul and pretty much every other biblical character of any significance violated every biblical teaching on the subject of marriage and sex.

You keep right on believing all the teachings of the good book because it lets you feel superior to those whom you think deserve to burn for all eternity.

SweetSausage

May 18th, 2011
7:05 am

why would I get married when I can play for free? It’a a man’s world and I’m selfish, my playmates are well cared for then cut loose when I’m bored – like a race horse. Old men still rock, older women…dog food