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Why do you need marriage?

I don’t think that anyone should be talked into marriage.  If you don’t want to marry, you definitely should not do it.  You know what you want, right? So ..I don’t understand why people try to convince people who do want to be married, that they are wrong for wanting to get married.

A couple I know have been together for a couple of years and one of them decided that marriage is not what he wants.  This is causing quite a dilemma now because he wants to convince his significant other that being together should be enough.

What do you do when you realize that your views about marriage has changed since you first started dating someone? How do you explain the reason you want and need to get married?

A lot of people change their outlook on something, but when that has an impact on the person you are with, how do you figure out what to do next?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

299 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
4:35 pm

And really, if the exchange would have happened just a bit sooner, buddy would have been none the wiser.

And that’s really what the situation is about…who knew what.

Simple – if she had not seen/known about him hitting on the waitress, it wouldn’t have been a factor. The same way that if he had not been confronted with the exchange, it wouldn’t have mattered.

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
4:35 pm

The question is if he didn’t see, would she have told? Also the guy could have set all that up as a way to get out of the date. Had a friend there to get him out of it. LOL

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
4:37 pm

Slim..that sounds like SexxyCool scenario like,right?

But if u snooze u lose…

Seems like it’s ok if it works out but mad Thirsty if the 2nd guy hits and quits…u wld say,’serves her righht’ lol

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
4:39 pm

Slim – Massage dude needs to work on his marketing techniques. (lol)

As for the whole situation, of course I’m not going to have any issue with it. I’m with who I’m with because of something *slightly* similar happening. My date just hadn’t arrived yet.

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:41 pm

Yeah I think if buddy didn’t catch the exchange, that she would not have disclosed it…heyal, I wouldn’t. I guess it is a bit disrespectful being that i’m sure he was going to pay for the date, but to go so far as to leave her stranded there was a bit much. He could’ve dropped her off and never called again.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:42 pm

That was the best way to handle it, give him the card.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:42 pm

The question is if he didn’t see, would she have told?

The answer is an uequivocal NO!

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
4:43 pm

The best way to handle is not accept the card.

“Just because it’s thrown at me does not mean I have to catch it.” LOL

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
4:44 pm

PR…u right…that’s a woman always looking for better options.

Dude did the right thing..went overboard matter of fact with the 20$ kindness.

Shld have just walked off

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:45 pm

Leggs – If you were on that first date, would you have given the guy you were actually out with the card? OR play it off like it was an old coworker or something?

Simple man....

May 17th, 2011
4:46 pm

I wonder if she took a cab or called one of her girls to pick her up???

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:46 pm

That’s a woman out on a first date not closing her options!

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
4:47 pm

Just a bad situation all the way around. I agree with Slim, ugly that he left her stranded. It WAS a first date so he maybe should not have felt quite so disrespected, but who knows how long he may have been trying to get that first date with her? Only to have to walk up on that exchange. And girl needs to tighten up her game.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:47 pm

To be honest, SlimNu, I wouldn’t have given him the card. I was saying it was good of YOU to give your SO the massage card.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
4:48 pm

Oh…that’s right…I overlooked the $20. I would like to shift my position. Whereas I feel as if he reacted a bit strongly, he had every right to feel disrespected and move along. Leaving her cab fare was quite gracious given the circumstances.

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
4:49 pm

Not closing off her options…..

and being ghetto with it!

Show some class at least ,’no thanx I’m on a date’

Howz that Leggs?

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:49 pm

Leggs – Yeah I got what you were saying about my scenario but i was just asking if you’d give the 1st date guy the card. But I gotcha now.

I think the $20 was just to cover the drinks that he/they had…not necessarily cab fare. I wonder if she ever ended up calling the 2nd guy at all.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:49 pm

And, the dude had no business rolling up on her once her date left the table…that too is a disrespectful move!

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
4:51 pm

had no business ing up on her….

Quit Leggs! Lol

that’s like saying girl got prego coz dude put a hard press on her for pudy!

:lol:

rwk

May 17th, 2011
4:52 pm

Be happy you’re not married to Arnold Schwarzenegger!

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
4:54 pm

Good point, SlimGoody. Then, I’m back to my original position. (lol)

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:54 pm

@Exiled ~ so you see nothing wrong with him approaching once he left asking “what’s up?” But she’s wrong for taking the card. Hell, all 3 of them are wrong! He should have held his pee and none of this would have happened!!!!

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:55 pm

Now that yall bring it up, that was mighty arrogant and co cky of him to approach her when buddy left. He had to have been scoping out the scene to know when to come by her once buddy dipped to drain the weasel. Now what yall menfolks have to say about that?!

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
4:56 pm

He should have held his pee and none of this would have happened!!!!

Leggs – I think there’s an EOD in that phrase somewhere. If not, it at least gave me a good EOD laugh :lol:

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:57 pm

Exactly, SlimNu…we already know Exiled sees nothing wrong!!!!

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:57 pm

Celisea

May 17th, 2011
4:58 pm

The question is if he didn’t see, would she have told?

Why shoudd she? IMO, it’s no different than getting looks or stares or “hi’s”….you can either be polite and acknowlege and K.I.M or you can completely ignore altogher or you can give some life to it and run with it. Either way it not so much on the one bringing it, especially and even if you’re with someone but they assume you’re alone. I’d say it’s innocent. Only if it’s obvious you’re with someone and buddy approaches, then that’s disrespectful. It’s only disrespectful if a woman or man saves the info and act on it later.

Celisea

May 17th, 2011
4:58 pm

Oh wait, if buddy waited for dude to step away, then yeah, that’s totally disrespectful.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
4:58 pm

LMAO – now the man can’t go to the restroom cause somebody might steal his date.

Basically, everything that’s supposed to happen does. Had buddy handled the situation differently, years down the road, this could have been a cute little story they told the grandkids.

As it happens, buddy has more supporting evidence for his BAS (btchs aint sht) File.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
4:59 pm

Hold your pee when out on a first date, and watch that lone man at the table eyeing your date!

PEACE! :lol: :lol:

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
5:01 pm

Hunter is not at fault besides he didn’t know dude was there

And he may have just been looking for easy pudy..she takes the card and accepts his invitations etc while on a date,she’s already marked for easy pudy!

See how we guys play Leggs?

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
5:01 pm

Hunter is not at fault besides he didn’t know dude was there!

He did know dude was there…”a very attractive dude approached her and asked what the deal was and she said it was not serious” BAM, DISRESPECT! Go eat a hat!

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
5:02 pm

now the man can’t go to the restroom cause somebody might steal his date

Ya know it’s hard out her for a p i m p lol

Good night yall…make sure you pee before you go to sleep because you don’t want the boogy man stealing your SO in the middle of the night

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
5:03 pm

No, only a pervert thinks a woman taking a card while out on a first date is an easy mark for puddy!

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
5:04 pm

Everybody in this situation had options and made decisions based on their code of acceptable behavior.

We could point out missteps on everyone’s part. However, at the end of the day, I’m certain that both of the dudes are cool with how they handled the situation. And the chick should be as well, but obviously she is questioning herself because she called the radio station.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
5:05 pm

“she’s already marked for easy pudy”

I’m glad TheDude didn’t see it that way.

Two fangas…(that mean Peace!)

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
5:07 pm

@SexyC ~ not many dudes would see it like that. Wait, some dudes may, but a man won’t!

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
5:07 pm

Sexxy

u contradicting urself in that post…

Acceptable behavior
Calling the radio station

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
5:09 pm

Leggs,
if I know u got a boyfriend and I approach u regardless…and u biting!?

U marked for easy puddy.z

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
5:15 pm

Just goes to prove that’s all you’re interested in out the gate no matter what other BS is said here!

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
5:17 pm

It’s a shame you go forward smelling puddy on the horizon! No matter how you slice it, not all men are like that.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
5:19 pm

Not only that, how you know a stranger you’re first approaching has a boyfriend!

Exiled!

May 17th, 2011
5:22 pm

Approaching somebody already with somebody is dissrespectful

U entertain them,u equally at fault…but recognize that the party that approached u knowing and regardless,has an agenda.

Easy pudy!

Disillussioned

May 17th, 2011
9:08 pm

There were two cases against marriage in the media today. Arnold and the former IFM chief. Had their wives been taking care of them sexually, they would not have been able to get into the trouble they did. Most white women don’t understand this but sisters do…

ASB

May 17th, 2011
10:15 pm

@Disilliusioned, no, they are just dirty, old, Viagra taking men…

Miserable in Marriage

May 17th, 2011
10:43 pm

DO NOT, I REPEAT AND SCREAM LOUDLY, DO NOT GET MARRIED!! I waited until I was nearly 50 2 get married 4 the first/last time ever (after knowing the bloodsucker for only 2 years) and 2 years into this pile of horse dung I just want them 2 run away or I soon will. I loathe and despise having 2 always tell where I’m going, why I’m going and when I’ll return. Most days I don’t know if I’m drowning or suffocating or both. I feel like I can barely breathe and 2 make matters worse my monsta-in law lives w/us. Yes, just shoot me and put me out of my self-inflicted MISERY. There are worse things than being single and marriage is one of them!

bleefloyd

May 18th, 2011
12:18 am

If you believe that fornication and lack of committment is good, then do not get married.

A bit of history

May 18th, 2011
12:44 am

ABC – Marriage existed in many cultures long before the concept was memorialized in Genesis and falsely credited to the Hebrew god. Some of those cultures such as China and the Americas had marriage centuries and perhaps even millenia before a fictional character named Moses for whom there is no extra-biblical evidence wrote the obviously flawed account of creation in Genesis in which God is said to have created the institution of marriage. It’s also important to remember that those cultures were completely isolated from the Middle East where the biblical account of creation and marriage originated.

Marriage and other social institutions such as tribes came to exist because mankind benefited from those institutions when a single person couldn’t feed themselves alone, defend themselves alone, raise children alone, carry their own belongings alone in pursuit of food, etc.

Marriage came first because it was a useful social institution. Then religious leaders who liked for their followers to be in coherent family units proclaimed it was an institution sent from God that all must accept and honor. Never mind that religious leaders including David, Solomon, Abraham, Lot, Paul and pretty much every other biblical character of any significance violated every biblical teaching on the subject of marriage and sex.

You keep right on believing all the teachings of the good book because it lets you feel superior to those whom you think deserve to burn for all eternity.

SweetSausage

May 18th, 2011
7:05 am

why would I get married when I can play for free? It’a a man’s world and I’m selfish, my playmates are well cared for then cut loose when I’m bored – like a race horse. Old men still rock, older women…dog food