accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Why do you need marriage?

I don’t think that anyone should be talked into marriage.  If you don’t want to marry, you definitely should not do it.  You know what you want, right? So ..I don’t understand why people try to convince people who do want to be married, that they are wrong for wanting to get married.

A couple I know have been together for a couple of years and one of them decided that marriage is not what he wants.  This is causing quite a dilemma now because he wants to convince his significant other that being together should be enough.

What do you do when you realize that your views about marriage has changed since you first started dating someone? How do you explain the reason you want and need to get married?

A lot of people change their outlook on something, but when that has an impact on the person you are with, how do you figure out what to do next?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

299 comments Add your comment

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
11:41 am

#payingforyourownweddingsucks

Dan – Ageed!! :)

Blackfoote

May 17th, 2011
11:45 am

My manners excaped me:

Hello Y’all

We on the Bible well according to some Saturday is the last day of earth. Looks like were not going to make it to Dec. 21, 2012. I don’t believe either event will occur but they have a right to say what they want.

The Reanimated Corpse of I'm Swiss (now with titanium-infused, bionic w@ng)

May 17th, 2011
11:47 am

Actually, it seems human have their very own built-in, biological moral authority. Now, the real question is why are these neurons more active in some than others…?

czBrat

May 17th, 2011
11:47 am

Fion, imo, many who view marriage as a piece of paper don’t hold much to a higher authority. could this explain why so many fail? dunno. i can only say that i’ve been blessed with a man who bows his head to his Authority and accepts his headship with the utmost gratitude. were this not the case, we would have continued “dating” until the time came to go our separate ways.

had to go back and read DB 10:11 comment and i must say … luv it!

great discussion but i gotta run. hope to check back in with yas before last call.

TenderRoni

May 17th, 2011
11:49 am

Hi All,

I’ve never saw marriage as a need. A need is like water, something I can’t live without. I do desire to be married. I think I know my self well enough to know thats its something important to me.

And ole dude changed his mind, I would really question why or what changed his mind, especially if in the beginning he was for it. I kind of been in a similiar situation, and in the end I felt like I was settling, and we just weren’t on the same page anymore. It went from “WE” are going to do this…, to (him saying ) “I” going to do this…= he and I not on the same page!

Fion

May 17th, 2011
11:51 am

@ czBrat

that’s all I’m sayin’.

cba

May 17th, 2011
11:56 am

SC @ 10:35 your last sentence should be in bold because without a doubt every marriage is going to experience this situation. Having read some books on this matter, this is where most marriages fail. It can be a very difficult time if the two of you don’t work very hard to get pass this stage. Speaking from exprience and having survived.

just me

May 17th, 2011
11:59 am

@ abc

Hey… what you up to this weekend? Saturday in particular?

TenderRoni

May 17th, 2011
12:00 pm

And on the “it’s just a piece of paper thing”. My co-worker who I can’t believe I agree with on this. But made it plain and simple. That paper you signed basically says you are responsible for that person.

You are responsible for them emotionaly, physically, and financially.Period.

Blackfoote

May 17th, 2011
12:12 pm

TendeRoni right it’s not a need like water and the piece paper is a contract of your loyalty. Still you have a choice to walk or put forth the effort to remain.

Mrs. Tazzee

May 17th, 2011
12:23 pm

@Dan – don’t be mad! LOL – I’ve always viewed weddings as more for others than the bride and groom. If my grandmother were living, I’m sure I would have broke the bank for her to see my walk down the aisle. Neither of us had any loved ones that made us want to break the bank so we kept it sweet and simple.

@Bikerboy – Love your comment! The bible commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Both parties to the marriage have to do some dying for the marriage to work.

Mrs. Tazzee

May 17th, 2011
12:27 pm

Wait Dan – you’re getting married? When? CONGRATULATIONS!

Looks like I’ve missed a lot.

abc

May 17th, 2011
12:40 pm

Yardwork. And looking out for the 4 horsemen.

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 17th, 2011
12:59 pm

@Bikerboy

My main man PG put me on to “for the sake of the marriage.” And I’ve been an apostle ever since.

Whether it be the institution (and the paper) or the relationship, people shouldn’t think about being “boo’d up” unless you’re ready to sacrifice a part of your ego to the marriage (or relationship). Not necessarily to the other person, mind you, but to the success of the relationship.

Once I understood and embraced that concept, I knew I was ready.

@Tazz

I’m just trying to get like you….and thanks

DreamsMaterialize

May 17th, 2011
1:05 pm

Afternoon
If two people aren’t on the same page as marriage, then they should call it quits. If ol’ girl decides to just “be together”, then she’ll be settling, and if ol’ boy decides he wants to marry again, then his motives and intents will be questioned forever. It’s a disaster either way. Pitch your product to someone in the market to buy what you’re selling. Find someone who wants what you want.

MzNewy

May 17th, 2011
1:11 pm

Happy Anniversary Mrs. Tazzee ;)

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
1:14 pm

Why does it seem as if Americans are the only cultural debating the necessity of marriage?

DreamsMaterialize

May 17th, 2011
1:20 pm

Why does it seem as if Americans are the only cultural debating the necessity of marriage?
Sexy As Americans we don’t really know what other cultures are debating.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
1:23 pm

I was waiting on that exact response. (lol)

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
1:24 pm

Because as soon as I hit “Submit Comment”, I was reminded of something I posted myself yesterday.

“Just because I am not a part of a conversation, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t being held.”

(lol)

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
1:28 pm

One of the main reasons I don’t have any kids is because I’m not married. I know that marriage is not needed in order to pop out a kid but something in me, whether it be due to programming, upbringing or sociey, makes me want that legal/spiritual bond of commitment prior to having a child. I am getting up in age (turning 33 on June 1st) and I would be lying if I said it didn’t cross my mind about the ‘biological clock’ and risks of birthing a child at a more mature age. I have not yet decided if I’d be okay with skipping child rearing altogether or not. Such is life…

cba

May 17th, 2011
1:32 pm

Dreams, I like the concept of pitching your product. With a world population of 6bil +, I’m sure we all can find atleast one buyer :-)

Dan - Simply....Superior

May 17th, 2011
1:34 pm

Yeah, happy anniversary Mrs.Taz!!

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
1:40 pm

Congrats Mrs Taz and your hubby!

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
1:42 pm

Wishing you a lifetime of continued love, happiness, good health and success.

SlimNu

May 17th, 2011
2:07 pm

crickets, crickets

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:09 pm

Happy Anniversary, Mrs. Tazzee!!!

Damn Damn Damn

May 17th, 2011
2:11 pm

dribble and mush the cause maybe

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:14 pm

@abc ~ not really trying to start a fight, but I thought of you this morning when one of the reasons for Arnold’s and Maria’s marriage collapsed was announced. You say women lie all the time for no apparent reason. I say Arnold stands with a bunch of male liars. They lie because their misdeeds are gigantic in nature. Leading a double life with another family, having a child out of the marriage, a long-time mistress on the side, etc. Some of you men definitely got us beat!!!

Question for you guys???

May 17th, 2011
2:20 pm

Leggs, the chick on the side was married as well…In fact She told her husband that the kids was his…….

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
2:20 pm

Leggs – To top it all off, he was messing with a HOUSEHOLD staff member! Insulting! SO asked me this morning if he & Maria had kids, I told him they had 4! Heck, Maria upgraded his Conan the Barbarian behind!

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
2:22 pm

How do you not know a person has a family on the side? Oh people don’t spend time with their spouses consistently anymore. I would think it would be kind of be sneaky being the Terminator, but I guess it could be done.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
2:23 pm

Conclusion – both men and women are capable of lying.

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:23 pm

Dagnabit, that’s right she was…I forgot that part out. As a result, I no longer have an argument. :wink:

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
2:24 pm

kimmie, that what she gets for upgrading. He used to be Mr Bodybuilder/ movie actor. Maria did what men do all of the time. Married a dumb blonde who used her for what she was worth. LOL

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
2:25 pm

Sexy Cool men lie, women deceive. LOL

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:25 pm

That is the conclusion, SexyC!

A person on his household staff, right under this wife’s nose. How insulting. Pretty sure he copped a smooch, a grab a tit along his day!

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
2:25 pm

The Times did not publish the former staffer’s name or that of her child but said the woman worked for the family for 20 years and retired in January.

Seems as if o’girl wanted to get ALL of the benefits of this situation. (lol)

Purple Rain

May 17th, 2011
2:26 pm

Kind of like what happened to Shaq with his wife cheating with the personal trainer. LOL

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:26 pm

a grab, a tit….

Leggs

May 17th, 2011
2:28 pm

She wanted to stay until she has put in 20 years of service with the last 10 years being a bit more meaningful.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
2:30 pm

Purple – Yeah, but then we get put down for wanting someone at least at equal status. Or get called a golddigger if we get upgraded. Can’t win!LOL!!

As to your comment about her not knowing for 10 years, who said she didn’t know? Someone on the radio this morning made that same comment about why everyone is assuming Maria didn’t know – she hasn’t come out and said anything to that effect. Maybe she knew but decided to hang in there with him until the governor thing was over, possibly looking out for herself as well as her own kids with Conan.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
2:30 pm

She wanted to stay until she has put in 20 years of service with the last 10 years being a bit more meaningful.

Leggs – :lol:

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
2:31 pm

That would be ultimate slap in the face. You have cheated on me. Had a child. Not only has this woman been receiving child support out of our money, we’ve been paying this woman a salary for twenty years and now, she’s retired from the job we gave her.

That ish really has to cause you to question what is reality versus not in your life.

Lord Velonese

May 17th, 2011
2:32 pm

“Why do you need marriage?”

I wondered that too, just because I can, does that mean I should? I honestly don’t see a benefit for a man.

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
2:33 pm

kimmie – GMA showed a clip from her interview with Oprah where she vehemently denies that Arnie was unfaithful.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
2:33 pm

How are those good ole family values working for ya?

SexyCool

May 17th, 2011
2:35 pm

From an article about that show – Shriver bristled at Oprah’s question about whether, as a Kennedy woman, she’d been raised to ignore a husband’s adultery. ”You know that really ticks me off,” she said. ”I am my own woman. I have not been, quote, bred to look the other way.”

Oh…and this…
In a May 2009 commencement speech at the University of Southern California, Schwarzenegger referenced Shriver by telling graduates, “number one, come to America. Number two, work your butt off. And number three, marry a Kennedy.”

^That is sad and hilarious all at the same time.

Damn Damn Damn

May 17th, 2011
2:35 pm

I was just reading on MSN and Arnie just slays me with his contrition —> I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused.

That’s such a generic statement we should put it on a rubber stamp. How do you take responsibility after the fact? Certainly he’s not talking about paying childsupport…that being his responsibility. Shouldn’t “responsibility” come into play prior shakedown, as in “just say no?” We know the old saying about hindsight. Plainly, people are greedy and lack discipline. I bet they romped all over the Governor’s mansion. Dang shame.

kimmie

May 17th, 2011
2:35 pm

SCool – Now you know she’s got to play the role, get the sympathy vote for being the unsuspecting and supportive to a fault wife! I would deny, deny, deny too so I could add to that Kennedy money I already had!