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Single files: Waiting to make big plans?

When you are single at my age *cough*, you figure out that it isn’t all that practical to delay the big LIFE plans like house purchases, pet adoptions, or even globe trotting.  Some of us think it would be great to share all these life planning choices with the one you plan to be with forever and ever.

Of course, it’s a personal choice and preference but I sometimes wonder if I polled the people who waited to decide and the people who didn’t, what advice would they give in hindsight.

Do you think waiting on a mate to make big choices is a good idea or a risky one?

If you are single and own a home, did you consider the possibility of meeting your future spouse/mate soon after you bought it?

This may be something that is more prevalent in women.  I think some women want to put part of their life choices on hold in hopes that they will have someone to share their lives with.  I actually understand that logic but I wonder if that is something they will regret later.

Does it ever bother men when they meet women who have already made so many big life choices?  Does it bother women when they meet men who have their 5 year plan mapped out so solidly with little room for flexibility?

What are your thoughts about the big plans? Are you the type to let things unfold and whatever will be..will be?

Happy Tuesday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

308 comments Add your comment

SlimUno

May 10th, 2011
8:07 am

Morning…coffee is in order

Ark2011

May 10th, 2011
8:49 am

Marriage is just an attempt to solve the problems you never had when you were single.

GeeWay

May 10th, 2011
8:50 am

Morning all, when I got my house I was prepared to entertain but not necessarily ready to jump the broom. It does kill me when women have a plan that they must check in order.

June2011

May 10th, 2011
9:00 am

Many older women say you need to wait to get married before purchasing a home, but I feel there is no guarantee that a ring will come so why should anyone put there dreams on hold while waiting for their knight and shinning armour.

SlimUno

May 10th, 2011
9:24 am

Ark2011 & June2011 – are you two related, married, friends, same person with multiple pesonalities?

abc

May 10th, 2011
9:25 am

I’d have said that there’s no reason to delay a home purchase, but the market of the past couple years has screwed that up. Before, both parties could just sell what they had (at a profit, hopefully) and put the proceeds down on a house together. I’ve even read some stuff lately recommending to NEVER buy a house, only to rent. That’s a tough one to swallow.

Adopting a pet? I’d have to figure that your life is pretty unstable if you can’t even support a pet — but then, work schedules and all, it could be rough on the dog. Just the same, look into adopting a retired racing greyhound if you can give one a good home. They are the greatest.

Traveling alone mostly sucks. I suppose some might like it, but it’s not for me. I’d rather take a week off and stick around the house — but then, I always had a house!

kimmie

May 10th, 2011
9:31 am

Morning!

This I find is sort of an old school line of thinking – the “wait till you get married” thing. I have to say, my family had a more modern way of encouraging me. Our aunt that lived with us even wanted me to wait and save up for a down payment on a house before I moved out, so I could go directly from parents home to my home. That would have been so smart, but I was silly and just could not wait to move out & have my own space. My mom was on board with my aunt, but understood my need for independence, after all, that’s how she raised me.

It’s nice to have things to share with a mate. And you can still do that, when you meet someone you want to share your life with. It may not be the “first” but so what? What are you supposed to do in the meantime, put your life on hold for a “possibility”?

The only thing I consciously waited to do after marriage is raise children. But if I were not getting married, I could see adopting a child.

When you are busy living your life is when you meet people. Putting everything on hold is a bad plan, in my opinion. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Be grateful for the life you have and live it to the fullest, before and after you meet your life mate.

SlimUno

May 10th, 2011
9:31 am

abc – Did you ever date a woman who had many of the BIG ticket items such as her own house, prolific career, etc in which it bothered you? Do you find yourself more so attracted to women that still have some bucket items left for you two to experience together?

abc

May 10th, 2011
9:34 am

No. My wife sold her house and we live in the one I had — the market tanked before we could get it on the market, and we don’t want to sell low, so we’re staying put for the time being. She doesn’t have to work, so she does what she wants. Whatever a woman had materially was never of any concern to me, and career-wise, experience taught me to avoid lawyers and teachers, or anyone who’d put their career ahead of everything else, but otherwise, what — it’s just a job, right?

Leggs

May 10th, 2011
9:38 am

Good morning, Good morning!!

Do you think waiting on a mate to make big choices is a good idea or a risky one?

I think it’s a risky one. Waiting on a mate to do ANYTHING only says to me that one is putting their own life on hold. Do what you want, get what you want, and experience the joys of life with or without a mate. There are no guarantees!

Chink

May 10th, 2011
9:49 am

Never really waited to buy big ticket items …The only thing left for me to do is get married :) .

And lets say I never get married at least I was able to enjoy the things I acquired.

SexyCool

May 10th, 2011
9:54 am

There are some things that are better/easier with a partner. However, these are choices that should be tailored to the life that you envision for yourself.

SlimUno

May 10th, 2011
9:55 am

abc – I suppose so but to some a job isn’t just a job. ;-)

kimmie

May 10th, 2011
10:06 am

SCool – You should have mail. Let me know if you don’t.

AmazonRed™

May 10th, 2011
10:18 am

Morning all –

Well, the biggest plan I have to wait on is children. Since I refuse to do that without a husband, all I can do now is live life. And if I don’t meet him til the end of my 30s, well, that decision may be made for me, I really don’t want to start having children in my 40s. I’m good with being childless.

I also will admit that I’m not heavily into my career where I couldn’t possibly leave it. If I had a family, I’d rather flexibility over climbing the corporate ladder. I have a friend who was a lawyer, only to leave law and become a stay at home Mom when she got married and the babies came. I asked the husband if it was hard for her to give up a law career to stay at home and he basically replied “she was just bidding her time as a lawyer in the first place, the family is what she wanted.” After the initial shock wore off, I kind of understood.

June2011

May 10th, 2011
10:20 am

SlimUno

I’m not related nor do I know Ark2011. I just saw the screen name and and decided to use 2011 too.

SlimUno

May 10th, 2011
10:22 am

June2011 – Okie dokie, well June is my fav month because that means my bday is coming up :D

AmazonRed™

May 10th, 2011
10:22 am

I did want to be a homeowner before 30. I accomplished that. My home is big enough to share. :lol: 4 years later, I’m glad I didn’t wait on a guy to check this one off my list, I’d still be waiting.

MzNewy

May 10th, 2011
10:28 am

I wanted to own a home. I don’t think that I should have this big bucketlist that requires marriage as a prerequisite. I grew up traveling so selling a home and moving should I get married is not a big deal to me.

MzNewy

May 10th, 2011
10:30 am

O pardon my manners…Good morning everyone :)

Purple Rain

May 10th, 2011
10:37 am

I think men need to do some of those things before considering getting married, as a means of stability. Not saying that women should or shouldn’t, but there are just some things that men need to do first.

abc

May 10th, 2011
10:37 am

Sure, Slim… but to me, you either live to work, or work to live. While most would say I have a dynamite career in a booming field, and I make fairly high dough, I’m a work to live type. I try to do career-enhancing things, but really, I could walk away from this in a heartbeat — if I won the lottery or something.

Tyron

May 10th, 2011
10:38 am

I’m a single, 49, AA, male, homeowner. I take 2 to 3 vacations a year. Love to travel, so it that means going alone, then I’m gone. Time waits for no one, and neither should we.

ABC: for the small percentage of us who are actually doing what we like, and we chose the job, the job didn’t choose us. It’s more than just a job! It feels great to go to work with a smile, and come home and enjoy it.

AmazonRed™

May 10th, 2011
10:38 am

Traveling alone mostly sucks.

I do agree with this. Since tomorrow isn’t promised, I do it anyway, and try to go with a girlfriend or piggy back off conferences where I know they’ll be people around, but it’s not the same.

I have a huge amount of SkyMiles in my account, while I’m not saving them for any specific trip, it would be nice to use them for my honeymoon or something like that.

kellibean

May 10th, 2011
10:40 am

I don’t understand when people wait until they are married to make big decisions. I just bought my first house and I am not married. I always figured I would buy my own house before marriage because I am an independent woman. Now, I do have a s/o who helped me with the decision and moved with me, but it’s all mine. I made sure to get a house that I can afford without him.

kimmie

May 10th, 2011
10:42 am

Amred – Having a house, traveling, none of that will get in the way of someone marrying you if they want you. And that’s stuff you still can experience with a partner, or not.

While I would not say I was biding my time, I have never really been into the hard corporate ladder climbing. Whether married or not, kids or not, I’ve always wanted to have time to “stop and smell the roses”. Not devote my life to some job or career. I want time to spend doing other things I enjoy, like cooking and entertaining, spending time with my friends & family, pursuing other hobbies, working on my house, traveling. And pursuing a relationship. I can’t do all that and work a 60-hour week job. Sure there has been a trade off. I’m not as high up as maybe I could be, therefore not making as much money. But I am way more fulfilled.

Today’s modern women have the means to do anything they want. They don’t have to wait on a man. The man can and will come, while she is living her life.

abc

May 10th, 2011
10:44 am

When I was in the arts I loved my work. I can’t imagine anything outside of that that would be as intangibly rewarding. I suppose some people love accounting, or networks, or social work, or running a non-profit, but for me, it came to pass that I needed to become one of the top 10% wage earners. Kids and all, y’know.

ASB

May 10th, 2011
10:46 am

Live you life to the fullest and don’t put off major purchases. Buy a house and enjoy!

The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)

May 10th, 2011
10:46 am

“While most would say I have a dynamite career in a booming field, and I make fairly high dough, I’m a work to live type. I try to do career-enhancing things, but really, I could walk away from this in a heartbeat — if I won the lottery or something.”

abc — Right there with you. And I love my job — but it is still a job.

Purple Rain

May 10th, 2011
10:54 am

I liked my previous job, I LOVE my job now.

Leggs

May 10th, 2011
10:57 am

Which job is that, PR? Husband, father, or tilling the land!

Celisea

May 10th, 2011
10:58 am

Morning,

Live life. Anything you can do outside of a marriage you can do within and vice versa.

abc – but really, I could walk away from this in a heartbeat
Kimmi – I have never really been into the hard corporate ladder climbing.

I’m so here. There’s so much more going on with me than my job. The folks in my field eat, sleep and drink. Most times I’m the odd ball out or looked at sideways because it’s just not that deep for me. I’ll do the conferences and travel and will do the best I can on a daily, but that’s not my life. I come here to earn a living. Frankly, if I could do that less this place, I’d jump at it. If I could take my salary and greet folks I’d GLADY do that. I guess for me, 95% of the people in the work place are fake. I don’t want to mesh or hang out or really get to know you. Let’s me courteous and cordial and leave it at that. I’m serious ya’ll, it’s funny watching the young people trying to carve their way especially in a world and field where not much has changed.

Purple Rain

May 10th, 2011
10:59 am

Working the land is my job, being a husband and a father is an honor.

AmazonRed™

May 10th, 2011
10:59 am

Amred – Having a house, traveling, none of that will get in the way of someone marrying you if they want you. And that’s stuff you still can experience with a partner, or not.

Agreed…but somethings are simply done better in pairs. For me, traveling falls into that category, but again, it’s never stopped me.

AmazonRed™

May 10th, 2011
11:00 am

Right there with you. And I love my job — but it is still a job.

Ditto.

Leggs

May 10th, 2011
11:01 am

@PR ~ And, I knew that would be your answer! Go forth, Grasshopper! :wink:

Purple Rain

May 10th, 2011
11:03 am

kellibean

May 10th, 2011
11:03 am

I do agree that travelling is more fun with a partner. I did go on my first solo vacation a couple of years ago and really enjoyed it, but it would have been better with someone to share it with. I hope to do a lot of traveling in my life…I’ll do it whether or not my s/o and I ever get married…

Purple Rain

May 10th, 2011
11:04 am

I would do what I do now even if I did not make money doing it. If I won the lottery part of that money would go towards more land and equipment so that I could do what I do BIGGER

Celisea

May 10th, 2011
11:07 am

If I win the lottery I’m out :) I’ll give notice but that’s about all I can do.

DreamsMaterialize

May 10th, 2011
11:09 am

I think some women want to put part of their life choices on hold in hopes that they will have someone to share their lives with.
The logic doesn’t play out on this. Unless it were possible for a person to experience everything in the world in one lifetime, there will always be plenty experiences for you to share with someone no matter when you decide to get married.

kimmie

May 10th, 2011
11:10 am

Amred – I actually feel you on the traveling alone. Glad it has not stopped you, though. I know of some that won’t go to a movie alone, much less travel, and would rather just miss out. When I was uncomfortable going it alone, I would try to find an available and open minded friend or relative.

But I do understand where you are coming from.

kimmie

May 10th, 2011
11:12 am

there will always be plenty experiences for you to share with someone no matter when you decide to get married.

Dreams – Agreed.

I especially don’t follow the logic when it comes to making good financial and investment decisions. Why would you rent forever when you could buy and have an investment in something and bring something to the table should you meet someone?

The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)

May 10th, 2011
11:22 am

Sheeeeeeeeeeot…. If I won the lottery, folks would never know what happened. My arse (along with the Mrs, of course) would just up & disappear.

Leggs

May 10th, 2011
11:23 am

If I won millions, I would give notice to my job. If I won one million, I wouldn’t quit.

AmazonRed™

May 10th, 2011
11:24 am

kimmie – I actually do most things alone now. Most of my crew now is boo’d up or covered in spit up :lol: … and really I like being on my own schedule anyway. Movies, dinner, clubbing, hanging out…as long as I’m with me, I’m with my favorite person.

Traveling is the only thing I pause with. I need a 2nd person to take pictures of me :lol: but also, I’m aware of the safety issues that come with a single woman traveling alone too.

SlimUno

May 10th, 2011
11:26 am

I could walk away from this in a heartbeat — if I won the lottery or something

I’m sure many of us would just dip if we won the lotto. I sure could use some lotto winnings right about now too

Chink

May 10th, 2011
11:30 am

I keep winning little amounts can’t wait to hit it big..I would not quit it would take about 10 million and up for me to quit. If it was less than I would invest until it became a substantial amount than quit. I would still need to do something though maybe open a specialty store or something.

kimmie

May 10th, 2011
11:31 am

Most of my crew now is boo’d up or covered in spit up

Amred – LOL!! I feel ya. I also feel ya on being on your own schedule. That was me all the way. Finding the right guy is wonderful, but it has been an adjustment having to consider someone else and not just jump up and go!

AmazonRed™

May 10th, 2011
11:34 am

I’m sure many of us would just dip if we won the lotto. I sure could use some lotto winnings right about now too

The CEO of my company told me it was alright for me to dip…as long as I broke her off a lil something something for her trouble. :lol: