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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Dating: Unexpected connections

Hello everyone! Our guest blogger today is Molly, who is a returning MIA guest blogger. Check out what she has to say about those inexplicable “connections from a distance”

You meet someone. You instantly connect. I’m talking a connection that takes you aback. It can’t even be classified as a lust or an in love at first sight. It’s simply a familiarity and an immediately accepted love for the other individual. You realize you KNOW this person without ever having known or ever having met them previously.

For some this sounds a bit out there but, for others, you know the exact feeling I am describing.  You are immediately in a deep connection with this someone. Sex doesn’t play a role in your connectivity current, although, attraction certainly does. It’s deeper than that. You are thrilled to have even found this person at all.

Yet, things begin to drift. It’s almost an unspoken understanding between the two of you. Perhaps, this person doesn’t live in your city or you in theirs. Or, one or both of you travel for work.
Regardless, you are still in each other’s lives to check in, talk to, or even spend time with when it’s possible but you are very clearly living your own lives. And, no matter this divide you both still feel very connected to each other. You care for the person, you want updates from their world, you still love them in a special way and all those feelings are reciprocated. But it’s all from afar.

You know this person could be your other if only you attempted it. But you don’t. Nor do they. Why is this? Why doesn’t one party or both push for more? Laziness? Fear of the magnitude of it all?


Has anything like this ever happened to you? And, if so, what was/is your reasoning for not pushing for more? Did/do you ever think about it? Or did/do you prefer not to think about it and just let the love continue on it’s intended yet unguided path…from a distance?

By Molly F, Guest Blogger, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

397 comments Add your comment

President Barack Obama

May 9th, 2011
6:23 am

Get a life.
You should be blogging about how great I am … what a wonderful President I am.

Angel

May 9th, 2011
7:03 am

Enjoyed the movie Jumping the Broom – even fate needs a little help sometimes. :)

Liquid Courage

May 9th, 2011
7:31 am

Coconut Ciroc and pineapple juice…this should be the help your fate needs as Angel said….just kidding…but hey…a little liquid courage has help some people in the past…. ;-) ….I Digress…This has happened to me.. I believe the hesitation was the fear of the unknown meaning what if it ends up not being what you envisioned. I’ve always been the type to say go for it and just be your true self…if they don’t like it then that’s their problem.. What I hate is when it’s been made obvious that the other party is being fake about their feelings….

Angel

May 9th, 2011
8:15 am

@Liquid – And what if it turns out to be more than you could have imagined..so I say have a drink and go for it!

msimon

May 9th, 2011
8:21 am

I’ve known that type of relationship and I choose to appreciate every moment and just let fate run it’s path. I tend to tressure a friendship that is true and deep.I think relationships today are very materialistic. this graphic says it all http://www.typobounty.com/Funny/Women_Dating.htm

Liquid Courage

May 9th, 2011
8:28 am

@Angel-

I concur…spoken like a true ANGEL ;-)

Chink

May 9th, 2011
8:52 am

Yes it has happened..sometimes I wish I did push the issue but what I did was moved on and then found myself in the middle and I chose the wrong one..oh well. I dream of bumping into him again and it probably won’t happen but he was awesome *the one that got away*!

whats up with that TOE

May 9th, 2011
9:02 am

This as happen to me plenty of times in my travels….so “jumping the broom” is good?

SlimNumeroUno

May 9th, 2011
9:05 am

Good morning *yaaaawn*

Molly (@mtf)

May 9th, 2011
9:25 am

Good morning, guys! Hope you like the post.

@Liquid-Good perspective on not pushing for fear of it being less than what you envision

@Chink-Do you think everyone has a ‘one that got away’? Would you do it differently if you have the chance?

SlimNumeroUno

May 9th, 2011
9:26 am

Slim now trying to revive the blog by pouring hug buckets of coffee, red bull and ginseng everywhere, including herself

MzNewy

May 9th, 2011
9:28 am

Good morning, Everyone. Yes that has happened to me. In fact, it is happening right now. I am letting it progress naturally. Not rushing, just enjoying the moment.

I really enjoyed Jumping the Broom. Mike Epps really showed another side of himself as an actor.

SlimNumeroUno

May 9th, 2011
9:31 am

SlimNumeroUno

May 9th, 2011
9:33 am

MzNewy – I didn’t get a chance to see it yet but I’ve heard several folks say it was good. I’m hoping to drag the Beau to see it this weekend. Is it something a guy would be able to sit through w/o feeling some kinda way about it being a ‘chick flick’???

Molly (@mtf)

May 9th, 2011
9:38 am

@MzNewzy-I haven’t seen it yet. Does fate play a role? Also, regarding your moment. Enjoy it!!

Purple Rain

May 9th, 2011
9:40 am

I have been in that position but chose not to pursue it, just being cautious. When it comes to relationships and matters of heart…If I feel it I will put a plan in place to make it happen. So in hindsight I guess it was not worth it because I did not make the moves to make it into something. For the moment and the times that I saw her we just had fun, not involving sex, we just had a good time. What I am saying is that I liked her I just didn’t like her enough.

SlimNumeroUno

May 9th, 2011
9:46 am

I liked her I just didn’t like her enough.

Now that’s some honesty for yo arse….Morning Purp, how was your weekend?

DreamsMaterialize

May 9th, 2011
9:48 am

Morning
I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend…it was gorgeous out there.

On Topic: I think what Molly has presented appears in other aspects of life too. I think often people are actually aftraid of success. I’ve seen it happen with careers too, where a person is presented with a dream opportunity and the procedes to come up with every reason in the world why they won’t pursue the opportunity. “I need more experience, I’m not ready”, “I’ll have to move”, “I have kids”. People often say these same things when “The One” comes along. Again, fear of success.

The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)

May 9th, 2011
9:48 am

“Why doesn’t one party or both push for more? Laziness? Fear of the magnitude of it all?”

Sorry to burst the bubble here, but from a guy’s perspective, if he was feeling you that much, he would push for more. No amount of laziness or “fear of the magnitude of it all” (by the way, that line is the classic “easy” letdown when you’re not into a chick & you don’t want to have the uncomfortable conversation telling her so) would stop a dude from pushing for more if he were that into you.

Oh, morning folks.

Celisea

May 9th, 2011
9:49 am

Morning,

Yes Yes Yes….For me it was such a profound experience that truthfully it’s hard to describe just how deep, how far and how wide the entire thing. A DEEP connection and an overwhelming attraction…nothing related to sex, more so a connectivity brought on my so many commonalities. There was the intimate but subsequent to connecting…making it so much more the better. The right things, the right level of connection, the perfect person, but at a bad time. For both. At first I felt I dunno, panicked (maybe) at the first feeling of drifting apart but after so much mental back and forth with the pros and cons, I didn’t fight to stay.

Molly (@mtf)

May 9th, 2011
9:50 am

@Purple Rain-So definitely an attraction. Just not a big enough pull to go put on a limb?

SlimNumeroUno

May 9th, 2011
9:53 am

Regarding the topic, I would think one of the two folks may be involved with someone to drag their feet with trying to go further with this ‘attraction’.

kimmie

May 9th, 2011
9:54 am

Morning All!

Newzy/Angel – I liked Jumping the Broom too. I liked it because it was not too preachy. I did not like the soundtrack at all. There are a lot of beautiful weddingish love songs out now they could have chosen that would have set it off.

Topic – I agree with Dreams! I’ve had it happen to me a few times & it seems the dudes were afraid of “success”. I’ve always been open to dream opportunities, it’s others around me, naysayers, that I’ve allowed sometimes to cloud my judgement. Not anymore though! Take my having my wedding in Vegas for example. I’ve had a few naysayers whine about why am I having it there and not here. I want to do something totally out-of-the-box and folks can roll with it or not!

kimmie

May 9th, 2011
9:56 am

Swiss – I actually thought about that too. Didn’t want to throw a hatchet in it, but yeah.

Mr_NYC

May 9th, 2011
9:58 am

Good morning all, the movie was great and I wouldn’t call it a chick flick in the usual sense

Molly (@mtf)

May 9th, 2011
10:01 am

@DreamsMaterialize-That’s a really fresh perpective on it. Fear of success. I agree that can absolutely happen to both parties involved. As humans, we talk ourselves out of a lot of amazingly good things because it may take some extra work.

@Reanimated Corpes-Thanks for a man’s p.o.v. Do you think not enough interest is the case 100% of the time or do you think there could be other roadblocks ie doesn’t feel established enough yet, wants the person around for a long time and doesn’t want to challenge that in anyway, etc?

@Celisea-Yes! I completely feel you. Great, great way to explain how surprising and authentic it can be.

SexyCool

May 9th, 2011
10:03 am

For me, this topic goes into “reason, season, lifetime” and my belief that everything that is supposed to happen does.

(That is all.)

AmazonRed™

May 9th, 2011
10:05 am

Morning all -

I’m somewhat in the midst of this right now. He was in town for a conference, we’ve kept in touch ever since. I probably talk to him more each day than anyone else. However, he lives out of state. I think you grow wary of the long distance thing, especially if there was never any time in the same city to assure you your feelings anything more than passing chemistry.

In addition, the reality is, that if you are feeling each other, someone will have to move. And when you already have an established life, sometime that prospect brings dread instead of relief.

So I can definitely understand why it may be “easier” to chalk it up to the game. But anything worth having won’t come easy.

abc

May 9th, 2011
10:06 am

The description of knowing a person without knowing them doesn’t make any sense. In fact, it sounds a little crazy. Chemistry, sure; knowledge without knowledge? What?

If they get away counter to your wishes, it’s because they didn’t want you. That smarts; most everyone can empathize, we’ve been there before. Try not to fret, someone else will come along.

SexyCool

May 9th, 2011
10:06 am

Molly – why don’t you blog regularly? I would think that there would be some value to contributing to the conversations that Wise writes.

Or….are you only interested in blogs that you write?

Chink

May 9th, 2011
10:10 am

Molly

-Do you think everyone has a ‘one that got away’? Absolutely!! Some more than one!!

Would you do it differently if you have the chance?

If someone moves me like that again I am going to make sure everything is on the table…and not just leave it to chance…

The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)

May 9th, 2011
10:12 am

Off topic: Good job, Hawks! At the game last night with my Bulls fan buddy — and the “curse” remains intact. (My friend is the biggest CHI sports fan ever, but every time he’s in the building, they lose. Unfortunately for the Hawks, he’s not going to any of the remaining games….)

Oh, and stay classy, Lakers… :lol:

AmazonRed™

May 9th, 2011
10:17 am

I was at the game last night too Swiss… it was a good one.

AmazonRed™

May 9th, 2011
10:24 am

I am letting it progress naturally. Not rushing, just enjoying the moment.

Good attitude. Ditto.

Sassy1

May 9th, 2011
10:24 am

Hey Everybody!

AmazonRed™

May 9th, 2011
10:26 am

Jumping the Broom was “okay.” Too much drama over the course of one weekend. We don’t need all that ish to have a good story. While it wasn’t as bad as “Why Did I Get Married Too” (that movie was garbage), it did boarder on “doing too much.”

Leggs

May 9th, 2011
10:26 am

Good morning! So glad Junior Prom is OVER!!!!

I’ve been in a situation like this. His excuse to me was we were too compatible and he was scared. He vanished after 8 months of dating.

Sassy1

May 9th, 2011
10:28 am

AmazonRad-I likes JTB but Madeas was good.

AmazonRed™

May 9th, 2011
10:31 am

Sorry to burst the bubble here, but from a guy’s perspective, if he was feeling you that much, he would push for more

I really do agree with this normally. However, when the person lives away, or is not easily accessible to you…all you have to go on is that “feeling.” And I would assume for men, they’d need something a little more concrete to rationalize pursuing something that doesn’t have more roots.

Though I love to hear when they do…those are the best love stories!

Purple Rain

May 9th, 2011
10:34 am

Slim, I had a great relaxing weekend how was yours.

Molly, yes a big attraction but not enough substance for me to go all out. I could not put my finger on it because I did indeed enjoy spending time with her, but relations take more than just good times to work. I am either on or off really no inbetween. If I liked her “enough” I would have pursued fully, I think what she thought was a grey area of us just having fun when we were together was just the process of me qualifying a relationship between the two of us. She enjoyed the times that we shared just like I did, thiing is she could have carried on that way, I couldn’t. LOL she was rated somewhere like this…she got more respect than a “jumpoff” but she did not get enough respect as “girlfriend”…I wonder what that zone is called.

AmazonRed™

May 9th, 2011
10:38 am

That’s a really fresh perpective on it. Fear of success. I agree that can absolutely happen to both parties involved. As humans, we talk ourselves out of a lot of amazingly good things because it may take some extra work.

I know for me, I’ve already listed the “doubts” in my head… from the valid ones to the completely crazy (such as, he’s a Gemini and I’m a Sag… or all the Alphas I’ve dated have turned out to be lames :lol: ) I guess the key is not letting yourself be sabotaged by your “crazy” and just go with it. If it’s mean to be it will be and if it isn’t, you’ll be okay….so just enjoy!

AmazonRed™

May 9th, 2011
10:39 am

she got more respect than a “jumpoff” but she did not get enough respect as “girlfriend”…I wonder what that zone is called.

Limbo. :lol:

abc

May 9th, 2011
10:40 am

I figure I’ll ignore the ‘Jumping the Broom’ movie. I kind of take issue with the colloquialism of the term.

It originates in Wales in the 16th century; ‘Jumping the Broom’ was a phyiscal act that symbolized a non-church wedding, i.e., civil union. There are no historical records of it’s use in Western Africa; in South Africa, it symbolizes a wife’s commitment to cleaning the household she’s joining. In the American South, the term’s origination has to do with the one who jumps highest is the decision maker in the household.

People act like it’s a custom brought over with slaves; that’s false. It’s like the fad of speaking Swahili in the 60’s-early 80’s — where the slaves came from, nobody spoke Swahili. Neither did they ‘Jump the Broom’. Even if they did, the symbolism is a little bogus, to me.

It’s a somewhat meaningless colloquialism.

AmazonRed™

May 9th, 2011
10:42 am

I figure I’ll ignore the ‘Jumping the Broom’ movie.

And in other obvious news…today is Monday. :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

May 9th, 2011
10:45 am

As humans, we talk ourselves out of a lot of amazingly good things because it may take some extra work.
Molly That’s the thing though…success never comes without work. Success in any area of your life is usually accompanied by some difficult choices. So, you might have to move, you might have to go out of your way, or you might have to step your game up in general.

The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)

May 9th, 2011
10:49 am

“was at the game last night too Swiss”

And let me apologize again for grabbing your booty — it was totally an accident, I promise… Tripped over a beer bottle and just grabbed the first thing within reach. Oh and about the tongue thing, that’s just a nervous habit — I always stick my tongue out & flick it rapidly when I’m falling…

:lol:

Leggs

May 9th, 2011
10:52 am

@ARed ~ I said pretty much the same as your 10:42. Too funny.

abc

May 9th, 2011
11:07 am

Yes… and the weather forecast for today is mostly sunlight, with widely scattered dark this evening.

kimmie

May 9th, 2011
11:11 am

Ared – No matter what role Meagan Good is in, she still comes off as a skank to me. I mean, she was supposed to be Sabrina’s bougie friend, but still, skanky. Is it just me?

AmazonRed™

May 9th, 2011
11:13 am

kimmie – Nope, I agree with your Meagan Good assessment. And I think her entire storyline was pointless in this movie.