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Archive for April, 2011

When should you decline a date offer?

I used to get so frustrated with one of my friends because she would accept any and every offer for a date.  It’s great that she is friendly and approachable, I think more women should be! However, she doesn’t seem to have figured out when to turn a date down.

Even though my friend claims to be drawn to a specific type of guy, she welcomes and encourages the polar opposite to pursue her. When things don’t work out she is confused, shocked even.

She thinks I should try it her way more.  She asked me why I didn’t give the guy on Marta -  (a loud man with a tear drop tattoo under his eye) my phone number.  Of course, I could tell we weren’t a match but this was using that whole “judging a book by it’s tattooed cover” logic.  I told her that I’m pretty sure I’m way too boring for him!  Despite his persistent, profanity-laced attempts to get my number, I declined.

Maybe I could adopt her ways more ….and maybe she could try to be more selective.  I’m a firm believer in dating …

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Relationships: Dial down the hero complex?

There are times when we are most attracted to the people that really need us.  I think it’s especially true with men, who seem to have an innate need to protect and provide.  I often wonder how that drives the way we select mates.

Do you think that we have a little bit of the hero complex dynamic playing out in our relationships?

When I think of hero complex, I imagine someone who gets extreme pleasure from rescuing (perceived or otherwise) someone they are dating.  Whether it is financially, emotionally, or whatever need you believe you can and should fulfill – it’s what appeals to you.

Have you ever gone through a hero complex phase? Everyone you dated was  a “project,” or was someone you swooped in and saved from uncertain disaster.   How did that play out when they no longer needed to be rescued?

Everyone wants to feel needed, but how can you tell when your desire to be needed is actually problematic because you have to be the”hero?”

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta …

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How much communication do you need?

Comedian Chris Rock once said that women loved talking so much, that if talking were an Olympic sport men wouldn’t stand a chance.  Alright, so women enjoy talking…a lot.  What do men have against talking?  There doesn’t seem to be a loss of words when it comes to NBA playoff debates or fantasy football stats!

What some men seem to dread is the discussions about their relationships, though.  Honestly, I’m not a big fan of the long drawn out talks about relationship issues either.  I understand that communication is important to make a relationship work.  I just think some people take it too far and go overboard.  How much communication do you really need in a relationship, anyway?

A reader emailed me recently because she has a hard time getting her man to talk about their sex life.  She wants to find out what he likes, tell him what she likes, and really work on making things better.  Her man is not the “communicating type” i.e. he’d rather just figure it out in the bedroom …

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Dating: What’s your price?

File this under: “Dating is like prostitution” because Whatsyourprice.com is taking the subtle to the blatantly obvious.  The concept of the website is basically set up to buy and sell first dates. A “generous” person sets a price for how much they are willing to pay to go on a first date with the most attractive people.

Yes, our physical attraction to each other is the primary reason we go on dates in the beginning.  Yes, men generally shell out dough for said dates which may or may not lead to sex.  I’ve thought a lot about the dynamics of dating in this sense. Do we really need a website that puts it out there in this way?

What do you think of this idea?  Marketing genius or another example of how shallow dating can get?

This makes me wonder if we should put a spending cap on first dates.  What you consider agreeing to this?

P.S. If dating is like prostitution, what does that make marriage?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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Dating outside the box

A friend of mine wanted to know if I had any tips for meeting and dating white guys.  I’ve been known to date men from many different ethnic backgrounds, while she has recently decided to date “other.” I honestly don’t do anything differently, though. I generally meet and date them the same as I do other men.

I have found that when you find people who share the same interests, you are likely to meet someone that sparks an interest, regardless of their background. That is when you sort of let things happen naturally.  I did encourage her to venture to different “scenes” and add some variety to her social calendar.

Do you find it hard to date outside your box? Do you think we should meet and date people from different backgrounds to increase our dating options?

When it comes to race, religion, or political beliefs, how different are you willing to date?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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Are dating games effective?

Playing hard to get.  Acting aloof.  Juggling multiple romantic partners.  It’s all considered part of the dating game. Does it ever get hard to determine what is part of the game and what isn’t? After all the strategies are deployed, are we getting what we really want out of the dating game?  Are all these dating games really working?

Do you think dating games are wrong or necessary?

Have you ever met someone who has absolutely no game at all?  Did you welcome the change in pace or question what the real game was behind the “no game” claims?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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Relationship reality: When do you leave?

Before he became a published author, my friend Panama Jackson, co-author of “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm” was a guest of this blog! Here is when we discussed the reasons people don’t end bad relationships when they should:

Panama: I admit that I’ve firebombed a relationship or two in my day – we all have. However, over the course of time, you just get fed up with dating the wrong person. You finally accept the fact that maybe, just maybe, you two aren’t meant for each other.

Wise Diva: Yeah well, it only becomes crystal clear to some of us after a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, and maybe a few restraining orders. It seems as if we end up trying to fit a round peg into a square hole, not a good fit. So maybe it takes awhile to figure out that you are square and he is round.

Panama: I’ll never understand, for the life of me, why a woman will sit in a relationship for seven years with a man who has made it clear he’d rather marry a panda bear than her.

Wise Diva: …

Continue reading Relationship reality: When do you leave? »

Better off friends?

So I asked my Guy Decoder for a little advice on how to handle a little dating situation. After spending time with a new guy, I realize we are definitely not romantically compatible, but I really would love to have him in my life – as a friend.

I know most men DESPISE the friend zone because it basically eliminates any possibility of bedroom action. The thing is, we really have the best time talking, laughing, and hanging out. We certainly could continue to spend time together, but I want to let him know that romance is not in our future.

I don’t think this guy is hopelessly in love with me or anything, so I still figure I could pull this off. I just wondered if it’s all or none, use me romantically or lose me as a friend. What do you guys think? Would it help if I fixed him up with a great girl?

Aren’t there situations where men are able to remain friends with a woman after being rejected romantically?

Ladies, have you ever been in this situation? How did you handle …

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Not married? Here’s why

Tracy McMillan set the internet ablaze in a slightly tongue-in-cheek article on Huffington Post entitled, Why You’re Not Married. I’ve been meaning to bring this up but it came out in February and I didn’t want to depress anyone during the so-called month of love!

The more you read it, the more you realize it is equal parts tough love, reality check, and comedy.   Ladies, be warned.  We take a hit so hard in it, I think a lot of women are still recovering from it! My first reaction was, “Ouch!”  At any rate, I was amused, annoyed, and humored all at once.  Admittedly, that has not happened in awhile.

She listed one reason that made me truly think: You’re selfish.  <– This is one that rings true for me. I have always felt this was a strong reason why I haven’t seriously considered marriage with anyone.

Do you think selfishness is a problem that is keeping you single?

Did you hear about the article? What do you think of the other reasons McMillan (note, this is not the author …

Continue reading Not married? Here’s why »

Dating: If you use me, you lose me

If single people listed their top 10 most annoying things about dating in Atlanta, I would bet that being used ranks pretty high. There is no way to get around it, and many of us are guilty of it ourselves.

Going out on a date with someone you have absolutely no physical attraction to because you are bored? You, my friend are a user. Keeping someone around for pseudo-dating because they make a great arm ornament? Yep, use. use. use.

So if it happens so much, and we are all guilty of it, is it always a bad thing? How is it avoidable? How would you feel if someone you met and really liked, used you for a specific come up. Would it be a deal breaker?

I am often asked by guy friends for help in recognizing when they are being used by women. Ladies, can you give men tips on when women are using them? What ways have you used a guy, and did it backfire? If so, how did you pay for it later?

Guys  how can you advise a woman when a guy is using her for personal gain? (I …

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